


Impassioned Reasoning

by oldgrumpywizard



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: But also follows the first movie in later chapters, F/M, Kinda AU, Romance, Silly, but also drama, ill make sure to tag it, introspective, lots of fluff, mainly romance, ptsd/depressive issues too, suuuuuuper long burn, there is a non-con scene near the end chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-03-26 17:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 230,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3859324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldgrumpywizard/pseuds/oldgrumpywizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Passion and logic combine when Spock finds a woman at Starfleet who seems just as socially isolated as him. Her desire to live vicariously and yet with reason intrigues him like no one he has ever met. Rated for language and sex in later chapters! Spock/OC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The End

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> A/N: I am in the process of thoroughly revising this story and have not yet uploaded the revised chapter, so it still seems a bit choppy at the beginning. Feel free to leave me any suggestions.

It is not often that a story is started with the end; it's a contradiction of sorts. But life is full of contradictions and confusion mingled with controversy and uncertainty. We all of us try at every second of our lives to live with a semblance of balance between rationality and desire of love, but occasionally that rational is splintered and nothing makes sense anymore.

And so we will begin and end this story with the uncertain balance of logic and passion.

Spock stood in the main shuttle hangar at the academy in San Francisco waiting for Felicity. He had much to discuss with her, topics that would change their future together.

She was on his mind, constantly. This was more of a normal occurrence, for she lingered ever present even if not in the forefront of his thoughts, but she was connected to him, and he to her, and that was exactly what he wanted...needed to discuss; them.

While he was waiting, impatience began to diffuse throughout his body, and he had little ability to suppress the lingering emotion. A cadet and walked toward Spock. The young man was dressed in the typical Starfleet red uniform and far too merry. He began asking the Vulcan about the Xenolinguistics courses and who would be teaching them. Due to his irritation at this blissfully unaware cadet who had no real experience in the trauma and devastation life could cause, along with his impatience to speak with Felicity, Spock snapped at the young man, telling him to trying and gain information through real work and research efforts rather than imposing on his time. As the young man hastened away, a glimmer of amusement was alight on the Vulcan's face. For the first time in a long time.

If Felicity had been near him during the incident, she most likely would have reverted to her informative form of operating by reminded him about the fundamental attribution error, a significant aspect of social psychology in which the cadet he scared off would have attributed Spock's foul mood to dispositional factors rather than mitigating circumstances. At times, Felicity could be so well informed and logical about her life, but her humanity greatly flawed her judgment quite often.

He saw her walking towards him in the hangar and anxiety traveled to his central nervous system. Her solemn mood could be felt too, through their emotional link she had inadvertently created so many years ago, when their courtship was still fresh and without much complication. He remembered how fiercely she had clung to him for that first kiss; a moment of time lost in perfection.

The verdict was still uncertain. Spock was not at all sure he would be able to follow through with either of his two choices. But choices had to be made, and Spock was not one for shirking his duties, either to his work or his planet...his planet, which no longer existed. So many decisions required his attention, but as usual, she filled his thoughts. How could she not? His world had orbited around her for so long.

She was getting closer by the second.

The choices he made would greatly effect not only his life, but the life of the woman he loved; the woman he loved, and spent so much time observing and understanding. Without her his life would have little continuity...at least until...well, he would consider that at a later time. Why was it that love and logic conflicted more than anything in the universe?

To him, Felicity was weak, weaker than she would admit to herself or anyone else. Felicity was stubborn and would not yield to any decision he made without her approval beforehand. Felicity was gifted with such a deep desire to learn and was constantly enlightening him. But most of all, Felicity was not logical, at least not to the extent he needed her to be.

He loved her. He couldn't stop the silly mantra running through his thoughts. He loved her. Reaching a verdict in his overactive mind, he clasped his hands behind his back and walked to meet her.

Felicity was reviewing every detail of her and Spock's relationship. An almost five year relationship with only a few hiccups in between could possibly have been in vain. Fives years have the potential to be wasted because of a few incidents that went horribly wrong. She wished for someone that she could turn to and ask for guidance about what to do.

She was an investigator, part of the security team, a red shirt, not a lawyer. Trying to argue both sides of the argument, the one to either stay with Spock or leave due to their many complications was difficult, because neither side of the argument was logical. It was drenched with emotion.

She stayed up late, night after night without any hope of coming to a conclusion. She could argue reasons for both sides, and she did.

To satisfy her obsessive compulsive needs, Felicity had to properly categorize her issues with Spock by tables and indentations. Unfortunately there was no PADD close, and all she had was a napkin from her lunch earlier. She began listing and wrote a word incorrectly, so she had to flip the napkin over and start again on the other side.

Spotting him standing exactly where he had said she would be able to find him, he looked pensive, staring at the floor. He was handsome, at every second, any time she watched him, and even now after everything they had been through, her heart pounded harder against her chest, and a strange lustful love settled around her. Imagining their many sexual encounters ignited a fire between her thighs that was quickly extinguished when the memory of their last encounter surfaced.

He had been the only one she trusted for so long. What would happen if she lost that; lost him? Would it almost be better for her? Would her life had meaning? Who would she turn to in times of trouble? She had to talk to him about their relationship. Everything they worked so hard to build with each other was quickly crumbling around them in only days.

His eyes. They were watching her, holding her captive, and her heart pounded when he began walking toward her as well. Though the longer list of negatives would deduce the more logical choice, she was not bound by logic alone. Love was enough for her, even if it ended up killing her. She made up her mind and stopped only a couple feet away from him.

Neither spoke for a long time, both taking the time to search the other for any signs of decision. After a silence longer than eternity, Spock was the first to speak.

"I've been waiting for you." He stopped, hesitating, with his hands balling into fists behind his back. She could feel his anxiety through their connection. Finally he looked at her resolutely and asked, "What is it you wish to do with your life, Felicity?"

But this scene in and of itself is an attribution error. In this moment of turmoil for them both, it is easy to misinterpret the emotionally-based logic they present, already predisposing you to an opinion of them. It is common knowledge to preferably have all the evidence of a situation before making judgment. For this, it is necessary to start from the beginning, the very beginning, before they ever met to understand what brought them so closely together and currently has the potential to tear them apart.

This is the end of the beginning.


	2. Vulcan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!

It is a very old feeling...to feel nothing at all. Is that not a feeling though, to be blank; void. What an interesting contradiction of priorities, Spock thought. How odd indeed.

Without hope of answer, the existence of vestigial emotions was questioned by not only man kind but all others who share in the misfortune of indulging them. His father insisted, no, commanded him to resist and put logic at the forefront of all. His mother wished him to embrace the unpredictable nature of his half-human existence. How full of contradictions life was.

Far down the hall, his acute hearing allowed him to hear pieces of his parent's argument, not as if he did not already know the topic of their altercation. Even during quiet nights at home, Spock's parents disputed about their biological fallacy. His parents loved him to be sure enough, especially his mother Amanda who proposed no conditions for her love, but there consistently existed a significant interest for him to suppress his emotions, which would more often than not lead to a burst of frustration thoroughly humiliating his father and himself. Amanda could have always cared less if Spock drew attention with his differences. This moment was no different than the seventeen previous conflicts; all of which occurred within the year.

Sitting on the hard stool, waiting for his father, Spock thought about what was expected of him as a Vulcan, well half-Vulcan really, but he never considered his human ancestry as a benefit and therefore chose to ignore that which was from his mother. Dried, green blood formed a scab on his lip as he stared into the air around him, forever thinking and calculating. Calculating probabilities of retribution as a response to various courses of action he would like to pursue. Could he possibly find the group of boys that perpetually mocked him and administer the same justice as he had previously executed and not get into trouble? Highly unlikely.

And so with all illogical rebellious thoughts and frivolous considerations of perilous emotions pushed from his mind, Spock proceeded to review quantum theories of physics in his head in an attempt to drown the sound of his parents, mainly his mother's, harsh whispers. While considering wave particle duality when distant footsteps reached his pointed ears, and he perked up slightly, not out of interest but habit; sitting slouched over would only result in more revile. The sound was swift and deliberate, and the young Vulcan knew exactly to whom the footsteps belonged. Spock's internal nervous system was working harder than normal, yet for what reason he could not classify or register.

Rounding the corner of the impeccable, Vulcan school hall was the tall and stoic ambassador, displaying no emotion on his face even when taking in the appearance of his slightly haggard son. Though, on the inside, Sarek was unsure if his son would ever learn to control his emotions, for his patience was beginning to wain with the ever present displays of his son's lack of control. Sarek remembered the first time his son became overtly angry in public. . .

Spock had been seven years old at the time of the incident, young but still emotionally mature for a Vulcan. Supposedly. The event had been an important one and politically inclined with many high ranking Vulcans, including the family of Sarek, and significant other-world dignitaries. The small, point-eared boy had been recently connected with his affianced and continued to feel the emotional instability from the intimate act causing some unwanted and overt side effects. His mother was against the connection believing Spock had the right to chose the mate he wanted in life, as his father had done, but Sarek's insistent rhetoric forced her to acquiesce.

The girl had come from a dignified heritage, and both families would see prosperity from their union. It was only logical. The only drawback for Spock came after he accepted entry to his betrothed's mind and she into his. They were forever bound, eternally calling to each other, knowing the most secret thoughts and emotions. Mind meld were known for the prominent transference of emotion, and without a doubt the two children could feel the uncertainty and panic flow through their minds during the daunting task, but the boy was overly discontent with the union. It was the first time he had ever met T'Pring.

After the connection ceremony, Spock and T'Pring were separated quickly, and he was dragged away to ready himself for the evening, his emotions confused and in chaos, but his father dismissed the instability as being due to his human weakness. Without any regard for the earlier events of the day, Spock was sent to his room and dress in his best clothing. Being an ambassador, Sarek had a reputation and distinction to uphold and had no room in any agenda for troublesome children, including his own. Soon enough, the family of three was shuttled away from the safety of home to a place where their cartel would be looked upon with curiosity and disdain.

As was typical in public, Spock became a type of show-piece. There were of course other bi-species Vulcans, but with an ambassador for a father, Spock seemed the most interesting. The attention he received was not necessarily always positive either, and did not necessarily come from another child. Often, many adult Vulcans would find the anomaly of a hybrid child entertaining, making him feel more isolated than before.

An older Vulcan, from the Science Academy according to his father, had regarded Spock with barely a hint of smug distaste. He was a slight man of height; not much taller than Spock's own mother, but he had more round areas about him than the typical Vulcan. This was probably due to the lack of physical activity the old man encountered while serving on councils. His hair was graying, but his eyes had a shine to them, making the man immediately stand out, especially given that his face was the perfect blank, emotionless canvas. If there was a possibility for Spock to master the same perfectly vacant look, his father would have done anything to achieve it.

The older Vulcan walked through the large, bright room; windows almost completely covering one wall, allowing the bright, desert light in. The ceilings were high, but the room was sparsely decorated. Bright and simple. A perfect example of Vulcan architecture.

As the older Vulcan neared the young one, he could hear the boy speaking about his desire to attend the Vulcan Science Academy. This idea intrigued the older Vulcan, and he continued to make his way closer to Spock.

"Tell me son, you are under the impression that you might one day be qualified to enter the academy? I personally do not foresee that course being plausible."

Spock watched the man with the general interest of a child, but also with an understanding of the demeaning words. "Why is that, sir?" he spoke cautiously.

The man's expressionless face practically beamed at Spock's roused interest , if one could imagine such an absurd thing. "Because you are half human. Not that I hold any prejudices against humans in general, they are indeed an intriguing race, but not one fit for our academies. We cannot allow just any student to enter, and with your breeding, you would be a very unlikely candidate."

"I excel in all of my studies, sir. I even receive better marks than some of the full-Vulcan children my age."

Another vacant expression glared at Spock. "And the unnecessary pride of one scientist could create the emotional distraction needed to make a mistake, rendering the work useless. Perhaps you could pursue a more quaint vocation, like joining Starfleet. That would not be too difficult for you."

Spock's pointed brows furrowed. His father so desperately wanted him to be accepted to the Science Academy, and yet this man was standing in front of him completely deterring any ambitions toward that course of action.

"I am expected to join the academy though. It is what I wish to do, and if I complete my Kolinahr, there would be no concern of emotional conflict."

The older Vulcan's face finally flexed slightly while deeply regarding Spock. His bright eyes locked onto Spock's enraged ones.

"Son, you would not do well on that path. You should start conceiving of other options. Even if you are ranked as the top student from your class, your emotional inheritance will not work in the academy. Besides, your own harmless pride could be potentially dangerous to the higher members of our council. It would not do them well to be proven incapable when compared to a half-human. Let them keep the slight dignity they hold."

Spock was hardly listening to anything the man was saying. His purpose was to join the academy; provide useful information and research. It was what his father wanted of him too. Spock reviewed possible outcomes for his future, ones that could be considered equal to the academy, and found no results.

"No!" Spock's facade slipped as his entire face contorted into a scowl. "You do not understand, the academy is what I want. I am working hard to achieve the goal of gaining admittance. It is not up to you to decide who enters and who does not. Especially not while I am still so young. You could not possibly determine my exact potential as I age. You are hardly being fair!"

With the sound of slightly raised voices in the room, every Vulcan became interested in the emotional outburst, though none were surprised to see that it had resonated from the half-human.

Sarek, who was across the room speaking with an Andorian dignitary, stopped his conversation and walked calmly over to his son; only the slightest hint of emotion in the microscopic narrowing of his eyes. Amanda made her way behind Sarek wishing to reach her son quickly.

When Sarek arrived where the two stood, he only acknowledged and spoke to the older Vulcan.

"I apologize for my son's rash behavior. He has not yet learned how to completely control his human emotions." Sarek's eyes where his usual blank void. Filled with nothing but hard logic and reality.

"That is only understandable, Sarek given his pedigree. We were speaking about careers, and I was just proving a point to him. If you will excuse me now, I am obligated to speak with the other councilors about their thoughts on our new warp drive system. Live long and prosper, Sarek." The older Vulcan quickly made his farewell and glided away from the dysfunctional family.

Amanda stood close to her son, uncaring about proper social protocols and placed a hand lightly on Spock's shoulder silently calming him. She knew why he was upset. He didn't fit in anywhere. And rather than seeing his emotions as an added gift, he viewed them with the same contempt that the other Vulcans did. Amanda sighed thinking about her son and wishing he embraced the humanity she gave him just a little more than he did.

Sarek was not pleased nor emotionally empathic towards his son. Instead he stood, immobile and emotionless. "That was not at all appropriate, Spock. I thought you would be more capable at controlling yourself than this. You have caused your mother and I to appear foolish. I do not wish to ever encounter anything similar to this event with you again." and as if the one-sided conversation was over, Sarek turned and walked away. . .

While being a Vulcan, Sarek could hardly be considered dim-witted by any means. He had cared for a human. He married a human. He procreated with a human. To expect a wholly complete Vulcan offspring would be illogical. But Sarek would have preferred Spock to have red blood or rounded ears rather than emotional conflicts. It made his son seem weak.

And now again, Sarek was in the position to try and deter Spock from indulging in his emotions. He sighed internally with the conflict of not wishing to have an emotional son and loving him dearly.

Sarek sat and waited for his son to speak.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was not exactly sure what caused him to apply to Starfleet, but Spock was glad as he packed few personal items for Earth. Soon he would be away from the condescension of the planet he called home. His decision had created tension between him and his father, so his going away party only consisted of his mother and himself. Spock was not perturbed by the lack of his father's presence. It allowed Spock to properly bid farewell to his mother, the way he wanted to say goodbye to her.

"You don't know how much I will miss you, Spock. When you are around, I feel that my emotions aren't so silly. I will always love you!" Amanda could barely squeak out the words as her chest was being crushed against Spock's. She stayed in the position for a moment before finally unclasping her arms from around his body.

"Mother I will only be gone for approximately 8 years and will visit on occasions. It is not necessary to overwhelm yourself in such a fashion, but I will regret the time spent away from you. Live long and prosper, mother."

"Live long and prosper, Spock." Neither performed the proper hand gestures since Spock's hands were still in the custody of the mother's.

Spock turned from his mother and boarded the shuttle craft bound for the sky. He knew his departure would be difficult for his mother, but he found an odd, satisfying feeling deep inside his abdomen. Spock associated this feeling with the contentment he felt for choosing Starfleet. The idea of leaving Vulcan behind for a much more illogical world was not an idea that pleased Spock, but by objecting to his previous course, Starfleet had been then next ,most logical choice. He looked forward to the future years in Starfleet and the uncertainty of adventure they would encompass.

The human woman, so out of place in the planet she lived on, watched the shuttle tear her son away from her. Amanda Grayson wondered how her son conceived of the idea of joining Starfleet. A silent tear escaped her eye as she already started to feel herself miss him. She felt that she could always be herself around her son. Kiss him when she wanted. Hug him tight when he was near. There was no political protocol to worry about with her son. Not that he was always particularly happy with her doting nature. He was very much like his father. Amanda sighed.

She hoped it would not take too long for Sarek to see reason and accept their son's decision. She loved them both dearly and truly hated when the two silently bickered.

She smiled wryly to herself. On one hand, she would have loved for Spock to stay on Vulcan and attend the academy, if only to have him close for a few more years. On the other hand, having the knowledge that her truly gifted son basically told the councilmen to shove their righteousness up their asses, was beautiful justice. She considered it to be one of the few wins against her persuasive husband.


	3. Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!

What a boring life. Nothing exciting ever happens to me! Well, no, that's not true. I've gone to places, done fun things, but those moments were few and far between. Why can't everyday I live feel like some victory for humanity?

Felicity Windsor sulked to herself as she cooked dinner. Well not really cooked...it was closer to "slaved over" dinner. Her replicator suited her just fine, especially given that she hated cooking, but it never tasted as good as the real thing.

This was the prime reason that she was burning her arms on the various copper pots that all held delicious foods. She was preparing a Polish breakfast soup called "Barszcz". It consisted of two types of sausage, ham and eggs, at least the way her family made it. She had already been cooking for an hour, constantly checking everything. It was one of her favorite meals, which was odd considering that she was not at all Boleslawik. Felicity had grown up on the English Isle. She remembered those days with disdain.

Felicity came from an important family. Nobility they would have been considered if they lived in more primitive times. She was an only child and used to getting whatever she wanted, though she would have traded all of her possessions for a different life. Her perfect family was just a facade.

Felicity's biological father constantly indulged in drinking. His status permitted him to get his grubby hands on even outlawed liquors from around the galaxy; his favorite was Romulan Ale. Felicity's mother though, preferred pain medications and narcotics. It was interesting how many "ailments" she could have at one time. Abuse was a constant, both verbal and physical.

At the age of eight, Felicity was roaming the halls of the overly decorated manor when she heard shouting from one of the sitting areas. This was hardly unusual though. Deciding to investigate, since there was nothing better to do while being left alone for long hours of the day, Felicity walked through the winding rooms until she was right outside the doorway of the room her parents were in. Not that they could really be considered parents...they were more like angry suggestions of status. Felicity watched as the scene before her became more violent.

Her father, whose name Felicity erased from memory, grabbed her mother's arm, pulling the woman toward him. He started punching her face harder and harder until it was almost covered in blood. He was without a doubt drunk, conceded Felicity.

The small girl watched, knowingly unable to help, from the doorway.

Felicity's father threw her mother to the ground and stalked around the room looking into various drawers and screaming drunkenly the whole time.

"I am so fucking tired of this bullshit! Everything is ruined, and now I'm stuck with this whore!" the drunk indicated to the bloody woman on the floor. "There is no point to it anymore!" he shouted as he finally found the drawer he was looking for. From said drawer, the stumbling man pulled out a small pistol, and while staggeringly drunk, calmly pointed the barrel towards the woman on the floor.

A loud pop was heard, and all Felicity saw was her mother slump to the ground. 'That's it?' She thought. 'It seemed so simple. What a ridiculously simple act it was to end another's life.' As she stared at the dead woman's body, the drunk realized that his child stood in the doorway. This was not a pleasant surprise.

"You." was all he said before his legs took him toward the small figure and aimed. As the trigger was pulled , his foot was caught on the ornate, oriental rug laid out on the floor. The drunkard's right hand jerked upward as he fell and the loud pop was heard once again.

The top of Felicity's left shoulder burned as she fell to the ground, not moving but desperately wanting to. 'Let him think I'm dead' was all she chanted in her mind. For a drunk with a gun and two bloody bodies around him, it was not hard for Felicity's father to believe it either.

"They will not kill me." he stated calm again before he put the pistol to his head and shot a hole in his face. It was a sight that Felicity would never forget, but would also never regret. She was not upset or in mourning for her parents. She was more pissed off about the scar she would have on her left shoulder.

After the death of her parents, Felicity was moved away from England to a step family in America with whom she had lived for 17 years. Her father, Michael, was Polish, an engineer and built his own computers. A very optimistic and positive man. Her mother, Joanne, was American, had her degree in communications and was a medical coder. Less optimistic but thoughtful and always conceiving of every possible option in any scenario. Her sister, Erica, was an occupational therapist and lived up north. Bubbly and vivacious, but also a budgeting and published goal-setter.

Felicity did not mind holding monotonous jobs or molding a career for herself. The idea of working hard, was very pleasing to her. Her work ethic was taught to her by her parents and especially her sister. Felicity's family provided the strong foundation on which she had built her new life. She had indeed basically traded all her possessions for a new life. And she would have it no other way.

The now young woman sighed to herself as she moved her slightly burned sausage links around her frying pan. 'What would have become of me if my biological sperm donor and waste of space mother had not died? I would definitely not have grown up to be as cool as I am now. Though having their sort of influence would enable me to do more exciting things. Man, I need a life. Some sort of social interaction. I'm wasting away alone over here.'

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah! Psychology. Felicity's second favorite subject and the minor for the degree she was getting. Her main study was forensic investigation. But the psychology was a very interesting side topic. What makes people do things? What are specific motivations? What behaviors are genetic and what behaviors are learned? All very thought provoking and necessary when dealing with people and their modi operandi.

It had been difficult to find a driving desire for a career though. The only things that really interested Felicity were her skeptical interests. She drew portraits and painted beautiful pictures. Not that she ever gloated about her talents, but she would have been blind and ignorant to think she didn't have talent. She wrote too. She wrote prose and short stories. Felicity found words fascinating and liked to combined them into eloquent phrases. She even played violin, but none of these talents could guarantee a steady paycheck the way a government job did, and so Felicity chose logically rather than whimsically regarding her career.

It was Felicity's last semester, and summer was coming quickly. Right after school let out, she would move with her current roommate to San Francisco to join Starfleet. The idea, while not the most amazing, appealed to Felicity. She wanted to learn; to see places. Learning about and experiencing new cultures was exciting and absolutely fascinating to Felicity, and she knew her two desires could be combined. Traveling and investigations...join Starfleet, excel in security. Surly her investigatory skills would land her in a security officer's position, and with her added degree, she would practically be a hot commodity.

Felicity sat, back rigid, constantly typing notes on her PADD for her upcoming psychology test. She became so accustom to typing that she could often record a whole lecture without looking away from the professor. Felicity's note-taking skills were commendable and she was a diligent student, unfortunately her social skills lacked use.

"Man, I hate all these quizzes he gives us." the girl next to Felicity said, trying to make small talk. She seemed nice enough. Dark brown, long hair pulled away from her face with pins. Her skin hinted at being tan, and she had black eyeliner around her eyes. 'A little too much.'

Small talk was not a particular skill Felicity was good at. It was not that she minded talking to people. There was no anxiety or fear of social contact. It was just that no one ever seemed to say anything of significance. Felicity only really liked to have intellectual or politically incorrect conversations. Something to stimulate thinking. Unless something was funny, important or interesting, Felicity preferred to listen.

She laughed a fake chuckle at the girl. "Mm, Ya. Ya, I know." and as quickly as it began, the small talk ended.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Felicity's roommate was a woman she had known in the small town where her parents lived. Her name was Tracie, she was a 42 year old RN. She was fiercely loyal to Felicity, was typically friendly but was sometimes a force to reckoned with. Tracie was bipolar, and though she kept it under control properly with her medications, her disorder made for some interesting and very hilarious moments for the two women.

"Why don't you ever clean up your fucking dishes?" Tracie yelled to Felicity one day while they were packing the things from their apartment into boxes to be moved.

"I'm gonna! They've only been sitting on my desk for a day." Felicity replied as she took one of her paintings away from Tracie to place inside a special narrow box.

"I went to my new doctor today." the RN said as she watched Felicity work.

"Awesome."

"He reduced my Effexor by more than half but is doubling my other mood stabilizer. He put me on Ritalin and is going to change my nerve medication to Valium when I run out of my other stuff in about a month."

"Shit you're practically on as many drugs as my mom was."

After many hours of packing, laughing, talking, napping, laughing again, and much much more packing, the two finally had all of their personal items they were taking with them in boxes and were ready to leave in the early morning. Felicity and Tracie sat silently together on their cinnamon-colored chenille couch in the empty living room. The long silence finally came to an end when Felicity spoke.

"I gave someone an injection today."

"That's cool." Tracie replied uninterested.

Felicity was slightly put out. "You're not excited. Why are you not excited? Whenever you do something out of character, like hanging a painting, I give you a high five, because you're usually crap at that kinda stuff. I mean, you're not really good at anything besides being a nurse."

"No. Not really." Tracie continued unperturbed. "When Debbie and I were still working together, she refused to let me use the computers, copy machines or specialized medical PADDs. I broke three different computers while we worked together. Any electronic device that I did not absolutely have to handle, I was not allowed to touch."

"I'm not surprised."


	4. Class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! :)

Spock had been on Earth for only two months, making preparations for his acceptance to Starfleet. He researched the graduation requirements, and after deciding which classes to take for the rest of his attendance in Starfleet, started to review the required texts for each class.

Spock also came early, because he wanted to observe human behavior.

His mother was human. She was something he could at least compare expectant results to, but Spock did not realize how much she had really assimilated to his father's culture until he was at the epicenter of her species' nucleus.

The 337 attempts at making articulate conversation with various humans other than his roommate did not progress much, and any inquiry Spock may have had about certain idioms, people usually dismissed him as if implying the lack of insight was his own fault. Usually, even his roommate seemed to be frustrated with him.

Terry Stephenson. "A nice, wholesome name with a typical 25 year old human male's attitude." was how he described himself.

Spock considered him more of an animalistic creature rather than a human, though there was not much difference. Terry constantly made advances to other females both on and off campus, was inebriated and hardly had time to purchase his books before classes started.

Spock thought about his roommate's positive attributes as well to remind himself that Terry was not the worst option to inhabit with. Terry's personal items were always impeccably organized. There was never any trash in their room for long. Terry always kept himself groomed properly wearing his hair short and dressing in simple khakis and white cotton shirts when he was not occupying his uniform. And he listened to Spock, truly. Terry at least made a somewhat reasonable effort to understand Spock's way of thinking, even if he did not agree with it.

Terry on the other hand considered Spock to be an overgrown computer. Spock knew this, because his roommate had told him. Though not overtly racist, Terry just wanted a roommate who was not as boring.

"What do Vulcans do for fun?" Tom asked Spock one evening, while laying across his bed reading a magazine with scantily clad women adorning the pages.

Spock looked up from his PADD he was reading while sitting at his own desk. "We fill our free time with meditation and research."

"No, no, no! I mean, don't you ever play sports, cards, computer games, chase girls? Do you ever do anything to just enjoy yourself and pass the time?"

"It would be illogical to just 'pass the time'. Efficiency is a core belief in Vulcan culture."

"Oh right, I forgot. I'm just glad I'm not you man."

Terry's last comment startled Spock, as much as a Vulcan could be startled. Vulcans are reasonable and peaceful, healthier, more physically adept, much more intelligent and cognitively capable and their senses were superior. Why would a human not want to be like a Vulcan? Spock thought about it and the answer escaped him. He could only infer one rationally plausible reason. Humans are also undeniably stubborn.

"I think I'm gonna take you out to a bar with me." Terry put down his magazine and sat upright.

"What would be the purpose of that?"

"So that you can socialize. Meet new people. People other than me at least. You know, talk, drink, dance. You really have to loosen up and try and socialize."

"Given the results of my previous efforts to engage in conversation with humans, it is very improbable that the difference of location should yield opposite results."

Terry shook his head unsure of what to do with his anti-social Vulcan.

"Nor do I dance."

"But you've really gotta learn how to interact with people, Spock. You're going to be here for the next few years. Do you want to stay completely isolated with me as your only link to the public at large? At least make an effort for my own sanity."

"I have tried." Spock gave a small sigh. "Humans do not want to converse with me. I cannot be held responsible for their reluctance."

"No, but try being a little less obnoxious. Ask simple, inquisitive questions rather than racial inquires that insult our humanity."

"It is also not my fault for your rash and arrogant tendencies. If humans are unwilling to see the truth in my words then there is no purpose of me speaking."

"Well, for starters, go without deep, meaningful discussions, and try to make small talk.'

"What is that?'

"It's pointless banter."

"Engaging in pointless banter would be - "

"Illogical and inefficient. I know, Spock, I know, but that is how many humans start a conversation. Just try it, please."

"How would I go about that course of action?"

"Find something interesting about a person and comment on it. Try looks for starters. Say something to someone about the way they look – and don't be negative or condescending about it."

Spock lowered his head and returned looking through his PADD. "I will attempt it."

"Good. Then maybe you can talk some other poor person's ear off all the time and leave me to read in peace." Terry said as he too returned to his reading.

Spock looked back up at Terry confused. "You speak at length with your other acquaintances."

"But I'm not used to handling Vulcan conversations. They're very taxing." Terry pressed his fingers to his temples.

"I do not find that to be true."

"Hush, Spock."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spock found it simple to navigate his way around the large campus. Such skills were natural for Vulcans, and he considered it disturbing that his "counselor" was very adamant about him carrying a map. Were humans always this incapable?

He reviewed his schedule in his head deciding the most efficient times to execute his work, to meditate and to conduct other various studies. Again his counselor was worried, only this instance was about the numerous classes he was taking. Had she never met a Vulcan before? Even though his workload was full by human standards, nine classes, there were many first semester prerequisite and multicultural classes he was obligated to attend. To compensate for lost time, Spock needed to fill his schedule.

It was Monday. The first day of classes for the semester.

His classes for Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays were the rudimentary kind. Ethics, Human Behavior (under the impression that the class might actually do him some good.), Art History (his mother liked Terran art), and Calculus 4 (even though his studies already eclipsed calculus 4). Spock felt that it was absolutely unnecessary for him to be required to take such classes.

Tuesdays and Thursdays were somewhat more stimulating. Xenolinguistics, Quantum Physics, Astrophysics, and Statistical Analysis of Trajectory. Saturday was an independent research lab.

Once at the point of destination for his first class, Spock stepped in, seated himself at the center of the front row and waited for class to begin.

He observed as an professor, late in his life, entered the room, addressed the class and started to lecture.

Do humans truly require a class to understand about proper conduct? Ethics...is boring. Spock felt that there was no need to elaborate the thought.

He also did not understand how this class was allowed to be titled "Ethics" when all the class consisted of was the elderly professor recalling stories of his youth. Not that he could have taught Spock something new, since the Vulcan had already read over the whole text. He started reviewing each chapter and key term in his head to regain some of his efficiency.

Slightly put out by the lack of seriousness, Spock made his way to his second class of the day, Human Behavior. He entered the room and resumed his same sitting location. Spock was preparing himself for the same superfluous lecturing style, when a small voice captured his attention.

"You're in my seat."

Spock looked up and saw a slight woman, approximately five feet and one inch in height. Her frame was small but curvy and looked comfortable in her constricting red uniform. She had shoulder-length brown hair and green eyes, that were staring at him.

"I was not aware that seats were assigned."

"They were not, but you're still in my seat. I need to sit there." The female looked slightly frantic but still confident as she continued to address Spock. "I'm sorry, it's just that I'm slightly obsessive compulsive and...you're in my seat. I prefer front and center."

Spock considered her for another moment internally confused but quickly stood and moved fluidly to the next seat down. During his relocation, the female sat where he had previously been.

"May I inquire why you need that particular seat."

"It is the most effective place to sit, neither my vision or hearing are impaired, and it's placement commands my full attention to the teacher. Also, being in the center allows for me to have the same amount of chairs on either side of me. If things aren't symmetrical, I tend to have panic attacks." the female tensed her forearms and fingers demonstrating an intense reaction.

As she did this, Spock noticed her finger nails were painted yellow. Fascinating.

The two sat next to each other for a few minutes without speaking. Spock was interested in the conversation they had shared. The female seemed unperturbed by his appearance, logical when explaining her necessity for preferred seating, but bizarre.

The sudden image of Terry's impish face enlightened Spock. "Small talk"! The Vulcan inclined his head slightly in the direction of his new experiment. He analyzed everything about her. Should he talk about her impeccable jaw structure? How her eyebrows were fuller than how females typically wore them? How the dark, black dot on her nose was off center one eighth of an inch?" There were so many fascinating aspects about her, Spock did not even know where to begin.

Another moment of enlightenment.

"I find the color of your finger nails highly interesting." Spock felt confident that he would be able to lure her into a conversation with that comment.

The female, who had been facing forward, turned her head to Spock confused. He face, was beautifully simple and showed no hint of actual interest, nothing of the internal conflict he was having, no indication of becoming friendly; just serious. The female smiled pleasantly at him. "Thanks." She turned to faced the front again.

Spock searched his brain for something else to say, frustrated that his brain had few answers for him in this situation.

"Why did you paint them that color?"

The female returned her eyes to Spock's. "It's a cheerful, happy color."

What an odd and unnecessary response. Spock decided that trying to speak with humans was a futile mission.

"Why are you here on Earth?" the female addressed Spock catching him off guard.

Was a conversation topic this critical still considered small talk? He was silent for a moment as she watched him intently. She still smiled at him, a look that made Spock feel suddenly at ease.

"I decided to join Starfleet rather than pursuing acceptance to the Vulcan Science Academy."

"Do you like Earth?"

Spock paused again. No. He did not like Earth at all, but Terry had reprimanded him for being condescending. Spock did not want to insult the female.

"The differences between Earth and Vulcan are great, and I have found interacting with humans to be a difficult task. Your culture is unfamiliar to me."

The female's smile increased in size, showing her teeth in the process. The alteration made Spock want to continue his lecture about the differences of their cultures in hopes of eliciting another similar response.

"So you do hate it." The female turned away. "I don't blame you."

Spock arched an eyebrow at intricacy of her meaning. "Vulcans do not express feelings such as hate."

"But you still have those feelings?" The female lifted her own eyebrows at him.

This was definitely not small talk. "They are repressed by my culture."

"But they're still there. Even if you don't acknowledge them, right?"

"Well...yes, I -"

"Then quit arguing with any of my statements, especially since they've all been true." The female returned her attention to her PADD and did not talk to Spock for the rest of the class.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even with Felicity's short legs, her long stride carried her across the campus quickly. She was exhausted but wanted to get back to her apartment quickly. She and Tracie lived off campus to ensure that they were able to live together, considering Tracie was not attending the academy.

Five classes was all Felicity could do. Four was tough, but she needed to get through the academy quicker than normal. School was becoming far too redundant. Given her previous degree, Felicity could get through the academy in two years while taking five classes each semester.

Felicity had three classes that she went to on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Human Behavior, Art History and Forensic Investigation IV. She needed electives, loved behavior patterns, did a lot of art, and figured learning more forensics wouldn't hurt. Tuesdays and Thursdays were Crime Detection and Investigation and Beginning Security.

The day started quite smoothly with Tracie already bitching about her coworkers and the patients that came into the doctors office she relocated to. Felicity didn't pay her much attention but heard bits and pieces like, "...like this one patient, Rude Roy...", "...bitch doesn't even know how to sit at a desk." and "God, I look fat in these white scrubs".

Walking to campus did not take long since Felicity and Tracie lived so close. Felicity smiled and nodded to people on her way to class. Hoping that she was being proper with this overt display of socialism. Smiling indicated to people that you were sociable, and Felicity was, just not with boring people.

Her first class was something of a hoot. Right when she walked in, Felicity almost had a mini panic attack. Someone was sitting in the front and center seat. No one ever sits in the front and center seat! That was when Felicity's obsessive compulsive won out over her sociable self.

The man who had been sitting there was a Vulcan. I guess that would indicate why he was sitting in MY seat. He's a guy that likes to learn. Felicity felt even worse forcing him out of HER seat considering how cute he had been. He father had political dealing, not the devious in nature kind, with many Vulcans and none of them were as sexy as this one had been.

He was long-limbed. Taller than Felicity, but that really wasn't hard to be. Smooth skin; angular features...God, now you're fantasizing about a Vulcan! Gorgeous, brown eyes; adorable eyebrows. Full lips. I wonder how pathetic I would be considered for finding a Vulcan VERY interesting... It was difficult to get the image of his perfect body and the way he practically danced around the seats to move for her out of Felicity's head. I bet he's a good dancer.

Thinking back on their conversation, Felicity was still slightly embarrassed at how rude she probably seemed.

She took her immaculate notes, complete with labels and indentations, and when the class ended, She bolted out of the door, eager to save herself from less embarrassment.

Arriving to her second class of the day, a whole 27 minutes early she noted, Felicity decided to sit in HER seat and brood about how mean she was and how she really did need a sign for all rooms indicating that this particular seat had an owner with slightly sociopathic tendencies.

HAHAHAHA! You've gotta be kidding me. Felicity laughed to herself as she watched her Vulcan "friend" come into the room.

Shit.

"Couldn't get enough of me could you?" she asked without bothering to acknowledge her embarrassment.

"Pardon?" The confused Vulcan asked standing in front of her.

"I was just making a joke to relieve some of the tension I was feeling about our last conversation."

"I see." he continued to eye her thoughtfully. Stare at me all day, big boy.

"Well, though I am less inclined to move as you were earlier, you can still sit by me, if you want. I can continue to interrogate you with audacious questions and make rude but correct assumptions." Felicity indicated to the seat next to her.

The Vulcan still watched her. She could she his prudence wavering as he finally decided to sit next to her. He sat very still as if trying to understand a complex equation then turned to Felicity.

"Cadet - "

"You can call me Felicity." You've got to quit interrupting him.

"That would be inappropriate."

"Why?"

"It would indicate that we are in a less than professional engagement."

Felicity thought about that for a moment. Seemed fair. She insulted him and questioned his culture...he was allowed to control the intimacy of their conversation...at the moment.

'"Alright. What were you going to say? Sorry I keep interrupting you."

The Vulcan continued to survey Felicity. "I was attempting to inquire why you started such an improper conversation with me before."

Felicity smiled and chuckled. "Huh, well, I was curious about you, decided to bypass all of the pleasantries and get straight to the point with the questions I really wanted to know the answers to." Felicity paused, then added with a wince, "Do Vulcans use more protocol when wishing to discuss something of genuine interest, or are they concise and get right to the point?"

Spock pondered the question for a moment. "It tends to be a bit of both."

The smile returned to Felicity's face.

"What is your name?"

"Spock."

"Well then Spock, please call me Felicity."

"That would be inappropriate."

It had been a very interesting day.


	5. Hesitant

As Felicity entered her apartment dorm, exhausted from her first day of classes, she realized something was wrong. Tracie was still up. It was only around nine thirty, but still late for the RN to stay up. She was usually the first one at the doctor's office and the last one out, checking charts late into the afternoon.

Not only was she still up, but she did not even greet Felicity from her place in the bathroom.

Felicity knew what would happen next, and that Tracie needed someone to talk to. That was what they were for, listening to each other. So Felicity set her things down on her own bed and entered the doorway of the bathroom, looking at Tracie and waiting.

"I just got home about 15 minutes ago. I have been at work this WHOLE time and can't even tell you how exhausted I am. I have had such an awful day today. I've been weening myself off of my Effexor, you know, my antidepressant, and I am one ill, pissed off bitch." Tracie's voice was barely there, clouded with exhaustion.

Felicity continued to wait, but figured Tracie might need a little more probing to get her to open up.

"Well how long will your withdrawal symptoms last?"

"I go see the doctor in two weeks when he lowers the dosage some more, then I should be fine. I knew it was going to be hard to stop taking it, but I didn't know it was going to be this hard. I just fucking hate everyone! I hate all the people I work with, I hate all the patients that come in. I just fucking hate people.

Like there was this one 'VIP' guy that came in today, and he just comes in whenever the fuck he wants to. Like, he was scheduled for 9am today. He calls and says he won't be in till about 10. Then he calls again and says he'll be in after 11. Ahhhhhhhhhh! So when he FINALLY decided to come in, Cathy said he walked right to the back without even FUCKING signing in. I checked him out and everything, so when he was all done, I gave him his chart and prescriptions, and he just looked at me and goes, 'I don't need that.' and I wanted to go, 'Well then FUCK YOU and leave me the fuck alone, MOTHER FUCKER! AAAHHHHHH!"

Felicity could not help herself and started to snicker lightly under her breath as Tracie continued her rant.

"So I turned to Dr. Cook, and asked him if that man needed his chart, and he just looks at me and says 'no', and I wanted to go, 'FUCK YOU DR. COOK'. And then, nobody told me what the fuck color scrubs to wear tomorrow. So I had to call Cathy at 9 o' clock tonight to find out what color, and was just thinking, "Thanks a lot bitch for telling me." Mother fuckers. GOD! I hate everyone! I hate these FUCKING YELLOW WALLS!

It was at that point that Felicity, ceased her quiet chuckling under her breath and moved out of the bathroom to laugh wholeheartedly in their living space.

"WHAT THE FUCK!? Why are people so fucking crazy? Like me? Why and I so fucking crazy?"

Felicity slipped down the wall and only laughed harder.

"SHUT UP!" Tracie's thrill voice screamed at the girl on the floor. "You fucking bitch!" but Tracie started laughing as well.

Whenever she was in this irate mood, Felicity could never see her as being anything but hilarious, and when Felicity starting really laughing at her, Tracie lost it too. She slumped to the floor and beat her hands and feet against it, similar to a child having a temper tantrum.

"And then I was thinking about that girl who lives two doors down from us and who always takes her dog out into the courtyard area to take a FUCKING SHIT! When I was walking home today, I wanted to break her fucking window. Throw an egg at her, or at her fucking windows...I think tomorrow, on my way to work, I'll just go," Tracie got up, walked across the living room and made a throwing motion with her left arm, "...egg on your window. Mother fucking bitch."

She stood there and seethed for a moment just thinking about her day. All that could be herd was Felicity's shoulder-shaking laughter.

"And then I starting thinking about that mother fucker John, that I was seeing for a while, with his skank-ass, tattooed girlfriend, who probably has tattoos on her puss. I should throw fucking eggs at THEIR place! On my way to work tomorrow, as I walk by the dog-lady's house, I'll throw FUCKING eggs at her windows, then as I round the corner, I'll throw eggs at John's place. Mother fucking sleazebag. GOD, I hate him. You should get me an exorcism home kit, 'cause I am fucking possessed right now."

The two women went to their separate bedrooms. There was chaos all over Felicity's area, and she sighed. Oh, how she hated to have things a mess, but hated to clean even more. Books were organized with computer programs on her bookshelf in alphabetical order. Paintings and framed drawings were slowly making their way onto walls.

After making her possessions just a bit more organized, Felicity sat on her bed and was reviewing her homework lists on various PADDs she had for her classes. That was when Tracie came briefly into her room.

"I just feel like shit. My whole aura is messed up. This is what I am going to call it now. This is my aura...and I hate you."

Tracie pointed to nothing and proceeded to stomp out of Felicity's room to look through the files on her own PADD while murmuring to herself.

Felicity swore she hear the nurse say, "Who the fuck wants to watch a documentary about Whitney Houston. What a fucking bitch."

"Tracie, do you have anything for sinuses? My sinuses are just a little clogged right now."

Tracie could be seen shuffling around in some drawers. She had found some nose spray and showed it to Felicity. "Just use this once in each nostril-"

"God I hate nose spray! Ewww!"

A moment of silence passed between the two of them as Tracie looked at Felicity like she was crazy...even though it was Tracie who was the crazy one. After their moment had passed, Tracie slowly set the nose spray on Felicity's desk behind her computer.

"There. I hid it from you. You don't know where it is, and when you need to use it, just call me, and we'll play hide and seek with the FUCKING nose spray! And then when you don't want to use it, I can throw a FUCKING egg at you."

Tracie walked out as Felicity fell on her bed laughing. 'Bitch didn't even listen about my day!'

***

"I was wondering when you would finally come back to our humble abode. Terry flourished his arms, spilling beer on himself in the process.

"Terrence, my last class ended at 1700 hours. It is now 1706. Did you not take into account an allotted amount of time it would take me to walk back from class?" Spock set his things on his night stand and uncovered some PADDs from a bag. He walked around the room and faced Terry.

"Nah man, I forgot when your last class was, so I turned down this really cute blonde who wanted to hook-up. I thought you would be back much earlier, so I didn't want to chance it. Got some studying done." Terry grinned at Spock showing almost all of his teeth. "Got some drinking done."

"I see. I must say that I am impressed with your proactive attitude. I would not have expected you to begin studying so soon, even if you were inebriated."

Tilting his head back to drink every last drop of beer, Terry emptied his bottle. "I knew you would say that. Are you going to come out to the bar with me now that you're back?"

The answer was a resounding "No."

"Well, I'll get you to go with me sometime. Just you wait." Terry bounced across the room to dive into his bed. "So how was your day? Drink some beer? Hit on any blondes?

"I believe the answer to your last question could, in this context, be used again."

The smile did not fade from his face as he continued to watch the still standing Spock. "Fine. Did you at least talk to someone like I asked you?"

Brown eyes looked away from Terry. "Yes."

"Oh no! Who was it? Was it a girl? What did you talk about?"

Spock sighed as he walked over to his own bed continuing to avert his eyes from his overeager roommate. "Her name was Felicity. I complemented her nail color, and she asked me why I was on Earth and if I liked it." Why is this uncomfortable?

"Wow. Really? What did you tell her?"

Spock finally met Terry's gaze.

"The truth."

The inebriate nodded his head solemnly assessing the news. Without warning, he flashed another big grin. "Was she good looking?"

"That title is based on opinion, not measurable variables, Terrence. I would not be able to make that assumption." Yes, she was.

Terry leaned his whole body toward Spock. This movement made his position on the bed quite precarious in his state of mind. "So you liiiiiiiiiiike her then?" Spock watched as Terry continued to survey him. Was his emotionless mask still in place? Two months without being able to relate to humans was violently ended when two different humans understood some of Spock's most vital subtleties in one day.

"You are conveying the attitude of a child."

"HaHaHa!" Terry bounded from his bed in hopes of finding another beer, leaving Spock to his thoughts momentarily. The Vulcan stood and followed to where his roommate was rummaging. He hesitated to speak at first, hoping that the answer his question would receive was would be desirable.

"Terrence, do you think I am easy to comprehend?"

"Absolutely not!" Terry practically sang his response as he obtained a fresh beer in his hand. The bottle was held out toward Spock, brought back to Terry, then drank. "Why would you think that? Especially after months of me having to tutor - " Terry spun around then pointed at Spock " - you."

"I was just being inquisitive."

"Wait. You never answered my question. Do you like her?...or is this what your question was about?" I apparently am failing at my attempts of discretion. Terry started laughing. Hard. "I knew it! I knew it! You'll have to introduce me! And I by sure as Hell better get an invitation to the wedding, especially since this couldn't have happened without my input!" The man collapsed to the floor, laughing too hard to stand.

"I am going to find another location for my meditation, Terrence. Good evening." With that, Spock left the drunken Terry laughing on the floor.

***

Human Behavior was an interesting class. A very interesting class. The professor was the same elderly man who taught Ethics; Spock relayed the information to Felicity. The man was insane. The integrity of his upper lip was compromised by a cleft palette when he was born. There was barely enough hair to cover the top of his head, which was also vividly red. He had difficulty hearing the students in the front row and smelled like coffee and latex.

Felicity had grown fond of her attractive Vulcan and constantly engaged in inappropriate conversations with him before, during and briefly after class. Some days, when she was feeling really feisty, she would hand Spock salacious notes on her PADDs. He wasn't too much a fan of those kind of antics.

"Cadet Windsor. Tell the class something that you have a strong fear of."

"I have a fear of glass bottom boats." The professor just stood and looked at Felicity; the typical stance held when she said something that people couldn't readily respond to.

"What? Why? Who even rides in a boat these days?"

"I don't know why. I just have a fear of them. I can't help it!" Felicity responded mildly affronted by the criticism.

"Are you afraid of the plexiglass breaking and being attacked by sea creatures?"

God, I'm so weird.

"I'm more worried that the glass will break and then my clothes will be messed up. I mean, I'm in a boat, right?.. so obviously I would not be dressed to go swimming. And I could be wearing my favorite outfit, or have a cool purse with me, not to mention all of the electronics I carry around with me. They would all be messed up. My fears have a more obsessive compulsive tone about them."

The professor contemplated her reasoning for a moment then asked, "Are there any other phobias you have?"

"I also have an unnatural fear of trash...?"

The professor grumbled under his breath and walked toward Felicity's neighbor.

"Cadet, Spock. Any fears?"

"No professor, I am Vulcan."

Forsaking his examples, Professor Smelly returned to the front of the room.

Felicity turned to Spock and whispered barely audible, "But you do still have those feelings." Looking back to the professor, Felicity smiled mischievously thinking back on her and Spock's first conversation.

The words Felicity spoke to him were registered in Spock's brain, but not acknowledged. The infectious smile the female always wore was much more interesting to analyze.

The professor continued on about the effects of phobias on behavior patterns. He compared them to obsessive compulsive. Stating that both OC and phobias were behavior controlled. Felicity disagreed adamantly with this statement given that, if necessary, she could handle trash. But there was nothing that would stop her from having symmetry and organization in her life. Sigh. Another couple hours I could be spending sleeping.

As was customary, Spock and Felicity took their time leaving class to speak to one another.

"Cadet, may I inquire about the meaning of your reference to our first conversation? Is there supposed to be a significant purpose for it?"

"It's what you could call a joke, Spock. Sometimes when humans encounter a memorable situation, they like to reiterate the meaning of it through various forms of expression. Umm...oh, sometimes when that situation is embarrassing, haunting, or generally bad, people could reference it to make it seem less awkward and traumatic. If said situation is...really funny, then people want to relive that moment over again by making such references. It can also be used as a playful way to make fun of someone. Like, in our specific context, I felt slightly embarrassed, about the way I talked to you, and triumphant, because I was right. I made the comment to help me remember the triumph, ease the embarrassment and make fun of you." Felicity was out of breath from her speech and the constant use of her arms and hands when explaining herself. She smiled winningly at Spock.

"I believe you should teach this class."

Felicity's cheeks turned pink, and she led the way for them to their next class together.

In Art history, the setting was more relaxed but also less sociable. The professor was a Betazoid woman with the typical black eyes and hair. Students hardly dared to speak in her class, even when she asked a question. Her empathic abilities allowed her to sense when the class might topple out of control, and to prevent this, she scared the pants off of everyone...everyone with a reasonable understanding of fear.

"I think Vulcan art is boring. There's no passion in it." mumbled Felicity to "herself".

Spock turned his head to eye her without obstruction. He still did not take the bait and remained silent. Felicity sighed.

The class was looking at slides of various cultural pieces of art on the viewing screen in the center of the room.

"I mean, look at it. Just a bunch of sand and clay sculptures. No color in these things at all." Felicity met Spock's eyes. Their color was unfathomable. They were soft and stern at the same time. Oceans of endless curiosity and intellect. Where are we? A sharp spike in Scary Professor's voice forced Felicity to look away.

"Oh my." Felicity whispered harshly to Spock. "Those Vulcan statues are amazing. Real works of art with their complete lack of color, interest and absolute redundancy..."

"Cadet Windsor! Is there something you'd like to share with the class? Or would you please allow me to continue on with my lecture? Our time is quite pressing. You only have so long until your final exam, but I could hold off on your learning if there is something really imperative that you need to say."

"No." Felicity answered, minimally deflated.

The class continued to remain perfectly silent as the professor addressed slide after slide of previous art pieces. Felicity became bored and tired without the possibility of harassing her Vulcan comrade. Many of the students found the following set of slides to be much more entertaining. Terran art. How species-centric Felicity thought as an oil painting of a fisherman in a row boat suddenly covered the wall at the front of the room. It was an interesting piece. A fierce storm with gray, foreboding clouds engulfed the tiny boat. The surf was rough, and the fisherman was having to hold tightly to his boat.

Suddenly, Felicity's perfect desk was abolished into chaos as another PADD found it's way to her desk. She saw that there was a message on the screen, and picked up the device to read it.

"What is your opinion on the probability of that man having a preexisting phobia of glass bottom boats?"

***

Please Review!


	6. Realization

Fall was settling in around the campus, and all of the students were buzzing with conversation. The semester was half way through and many were already making plans for their winter breaks. Other than the talk of Christmases at home and the lack of season changing in San Francisco, students were also eager about midterms. The concern for the last chance to drop out of a class they were sure of failing was rampant. The tests also served another purpose...

Midterms were the perfect excuse to allow Felicity to spend more quality time with her favorite Vulcan.

In the couple months they had shared their two classes together, Felicity constantly wondered if they considered each other to be friends. The thought of being more intimately associated with him was always prominent but not completely reasonable. He's a Vulcan! Just try and enter into a relationship with a Vulcan. That would be interesting. Felicity did care about Spock and always found herself slipping into easy conversation with him, but she wasn't sure if he reciprocated those feelings. Obviously she would have to be a little more proactive with her affections toward him, even if just to enhance their friendship.

Felicity amused herself with her thoughts about Spock. Such a dull and emotionless robot to so many people, except to her. She was odd enough herself to find him absolutely enthralling. She viewed Spock as being the most interesting person she had ever met, after which she conceded that, that was probably a biased opinion.

But how could she get closer to him? How could she suggest to do something outside of class together? Having in depth conversations about the historical significance of the Vulcan's ascension into a logic-filled realm was easy. The conflicting ideologies of behavior being affected greater by genetics or environment? Piece of cake! Attempted flirting with insignificant small talk and starter conversations? Not exactly Felicity's strongest suit. Ever.

Felicity had mulled this over for weeks, and made a few lousy attempts at stealing his attention away from school. She remembered them with reluctant chagrin.

Three Weeks ago:

Felicity decided to start out slow. "Are you hungry?" You couldn't really go wrong with a question like that.

"No." Spock answered without looking at her.

"Oh...ok." There was nothing that came to Felicity's mind which would have allowed her to continue the conversation. So much for small talk...as usual.

Two Weeks Ago:

Felicity decided to spice things up. Try a different and not so vague approach. "Would you want to skip our last class and go do something? I don't really need to go to Forensics IV anyway."

"I do not forgo my classes, as trivial as they may be." Spock's emotionless face stared at her own.

"Hmm...well I guess that's good." Felicity finished lamely.

Two Days Ago:

A specific experience of culture. That had to be it! "I heard there was going to be a really cool band playing this evening at the auditorium on campus. Were you thinking about going?

"No."

"Would you want to go with me?" She asked through almost gritted teeth.

"I have class."

"Fiiiiiiiine." Felicity pouted more to herself than Spock.

After such definite declines it was hard for Felicity to think of something that would arouse Spock's interest and make him want to spend time with her. It was difficult, until she was listening to other cadets gossiping about the up and coming, dreaded midterms. That was where her brilliant idea came into play.

Midterms.

It would be so easy. Just lure Spock with academics and he would be all her's! She decided to pounce on him during their Human Behavior class Wednesday...

"Would you like to study with me?"

Spock turned to speak to Felicity. She's wearing eye enhancement products today. Odd. She usually does not. It makes her eyelashes seem longer and draws attention to her eyes. Her eyes are one of the most interesting features about her. They are always the most intriguing color. "I prefer to conduct my studies alone. It is much more efficient."

"Would you at least help me study, and I could help you with your blatantly lacking social skills." Ya right. You've probably got less skill than this Vulcan.

"I do not need help explaining or interacting with human behavior."

"Well then will you help me anyway and I just won't do anything for you in return since you don't need help understanding anything on this planet?"

Spock considered what Felicity said for a moment.

"I am not adequate at conveying the purpose of humanity's artistic experimentation and presentation of classical art."

Felicity finally understood the awkwardness so many people felt when she spoke randomly. But being quite random herself, she was quick to catch up.

"Well...er...I could help explain those concepts to you if you're interested. I paint and have a pretty good grasp of art, purpose and meaning. But will you help me with my homework?"

"If you wish. I have various spaces of time during my scheduled week that we could use to study."

Felicity waved him off. "Ya, ya, that's fine. If you don't mind my audacity, which you usually don't, why are you so interested in art?"

"You only inferred that I was interested. I was merely giving you a specific topic of something I did not completely understand. Your forms of art are illogical to me and I do not understand their purpose. I was not requesting your help."

"But you're taking an art history class, with an emphasis on Earth art. I mean, what made you decide to take the class?"

"The time of the class fit a vacancy in my schedule."

"Ok then. You'll still help me study though, right?"

"Yes."

"When are your free spots of time?" He smells so good today.

"Today from 1700 to 2000 after Calculus. Thursday from 0600 to 0830 before I go to Xenolinguistics and from 1100 to 1400 at the break I have between classes. Friday from 1700 to 2000 after Calculus. Saturday from 1100 to 2200 after my research lab. Sunday-"

"How about Saturday after your research lab?" Felicity asked interrupting him as usual.

"That is acceptable." Her usual antics did not sway the Vulcan from his fluid speaking. Spock hardly ever presented even the most infinitesimal reactions when he and Felicity spoke anymore. Felicity didn't think it to be bad though. She was pretty sure he just became used to her exhilaration.

"Cadet, Where-"

"Spock, if you don't start calling me 'Felicity', I'm going to hit you. Don't think I won't do it!" Felicity pointed a finger at him while she threatened. She looked fierce as she scolded him for the umpteenth time...as fierce as a five foot one inch, friendly girl could be.

"As I have stated previously, that would insinuate that we have a more than professional relationship."

"But are we not friends? And isn't being friends more than professional...I mean, we're nice enough to each other, we have fun conversations, we're going to study after your class, lab thing on Saturday. How can that be considered still remaining purely professional, and why would it matter if we weren't strictly so?"

Spock thoughtfully engaged the concept of he and Felicity as friends. Not just colleagues or peers. It was a dangerous thought; more intimately associate this female into his existence. She already plagued 33.7% of his thoughts daily, and for a Vulcan, Spock was being highly inefficient.

She was more than a peer to him. He was acutely aware of this. She was fascinating. Intellectually competent. Earnest. Beautiful Spock thought, wanting nothing more than to tell her verbally. Unfortunately his Vulcan demeanor would not allow this outburst, and so Spock reluctantly tucked that thought away in the deepest recesses of his mind.

Even considering the emotions he could not ignore, Spock could also not ignore the reality of their friendship.

"You are correct, Felicity, as is usually the outcome when we debate."

Her name rolled off his tongue as if he were trying to seduce her. Or at least that's what Felicity thought. She gave him her best, most winning smile.

"As I was saying, Felicity, where would you prefer to study?

"Uh...perhaps we could study at your dorm. My roommate is a little eccentric. You might be slightly put-off by her."

"More eccentric than you...Felicity?" Spock continued serenely.

"You don't have to be mean about it."

"I was not, Felicity, it was just a simple inquiry."

"Stop it, Spock." Felicity glared at the gorgeous Vulcan.

"Stop what?" Spock's lips quirked up as he asked her.

"Saying my name."

"You insisted that I say your name, remember? You threatened bodily harm." Spock looked at Felicity innocently, which was odd since his expression was usually blank...not innocent.

Felicity's face scrunched into a scowl. "I know you're doing this on purpose! You can't fool me, CADET! God, you're such a pain in my ass. You know what I meant, I know you do!"

"I apologize," Spock opened his mouth, then upon thorough consideration of the consequences, closed it. Not that her true demeanor or stature is at all threatening to me.

"Ya, well, humph. I don't mind either way though. If you would rather come over to my place, that's fine. She's crazy, but she can be really funny at times. ...And she has been kinda wanting to meet you." God, there I go again. Talking. I just open my mouth and words come out without even asking my permission.

"My roommate, Terrence should not mine your presence," He would probably be pleased to finally meet you too. "so we could study there. Would you object if I came over to your apartment after my lab, that way I could accompany you over to my own dorm." Spock added with a quick, "To ensure your safety. You could also introduce me to your roommate while I am there."

"That's actually a really good idea. That way when you come over, I can just illuminate you about art with my paintings and drawings and different pieces. I won't have to drag them half way across town, and using my personal visuals will give you a better understanding of the history of 'Terran' art."

"I was not aware that you were an artist."

Felicity smiled wryly at Spock and sighed looking suddenly tired.

"That's because you never asked, Spock. That's because you never asked."

***

Spock's walk was brisk as he made his way toward his destination. Never once had he considered not attending a class, until today. The minutes had ticked by with slow resonance. Spock considered this as a perfect example of Albert Einstein's Theory of [Time] Relativity, and made a mental note to reevaluate this day on a later date to examine the significance. Vulcans rarely felt time inequalities.

Spock wanted to see his friend as soon as physically possible. He needed to see her. He was beginning to feel anxious; another rarity for him. Being able to see Felicity before their next class on Monday, caused Spock's brain to rearrange all other pressing appointments he had. The thought of her made his already quick heart pound a little faster. But besides his undoubtedly overzealous appreciation of her charm and smile, there was something else forcing Spock to move quickly.

Felicity's last words had constantly been replayed in Spock's mind for the past three days.

It was true. He hardly ever asked her anything about herself. The topic of conversation was always seemed to encompass him and his culture. Spock quickly resurrected any memory of he and Felicity's conversations and reviewed them all. His theory was true. Aside from general questions about Earth and it's people, he did not know barely anything about Felicity specifically. Spock felt ill. Was his interest in this female indeed so great, when he never even bothered to ask her anything personal? He reasoned that his inquisitive nature was overlooked when she was around. Simply being with Felicity made Spock feel calm. He had only ever felt that same way with his mother.

Perhaps that was why he never bothered to ask. He felt like he already knew her; on a very intimate level. Spock still dismissed the thought, chastising himself for his lack of interest, which was suddenly overwhelmed with questions he wished to ask her.

Spock neared his destination wondering to himself the purpose of living off-campus when one attended the academy. Just another one of his many questions he had for Felicity.

Felicity opened the door to greet him. Her usual, cheerful smile was enthralling.

"Hey, Spock." Her head tilted to the right at a 55 degree angle. "Come in." Felicity moved to allow Spock inside to her apartment.

"Felicity, I must ask, on my way here, I was contemplating why you do not live on campus. Why did you decide to live at a farther distance from your classes than necessary?"

"It's still collegiate in nature, these are student apartments, it's just not on campus. I wasn't sure if the academy would allow Tracie to stay with me since she wasn't attending."

"I see." Spock replied to her examining the living area. A cinnamon colored sofa, dark wood end tables and coffee table. A large black book shelf overflowing with books. All very clean.

"Alright." Felicity clasped her hands together while she spoke. "Let's get started. Come into my bedroom and become enlightened about the history of Terran art." Felicity gestured to the open doorway connected to the living area they were presently located.

Spock hesitantly followed her, not wishing to invade her privacy nor obstruct cultural proprieties. What he was greeted with was inspiring. There were 21 paintings covering the four walls of Felicity's bedroom. They were all different colors, shapes and sizes. Some were not created solely from paint, but had other materials like the small, mosaic one he observed. Spock also admired a 2' x 3' painting of a ginger horse's head. The value and blending quality of the piece indicated to him that Felicity was aware of how to properly manipulate her tools. Some were abstract. Others looked like still life's.

Also concentrated on wall was a collection of portraits, but these were not completed in paint, Spock deduced. There were four portraits in a rectangular formation in black frames on Felicity's yellow walls. All were men. Next to the four was a female figure in a dress drawn and shaded completely from dots. The piece looked to be an ink composition. Spock was impressed at the broad range of ability with various painting styles and mediums Felicity had. Another talent to add to her already daunting list.

What also caught Spock's attention was the impeccable cleanliness of her room. A dark wood dresser, bed and desk, each with only a few items on the surfaces. The bed was made and hosted a collection of decorative pillows. Nothing was laying on the floor and no papers were out of place. It reminded Spock of how a Vulcan would keep a room.

"Who are these men?" Spock pointed to the four portraits.

Felicity examined them next to Spock while she spoke. "They are all friends of mine. I like to do portraits of people who mean a lot to me."

"Do you have a portrait of Tracie?"

"No. She won't sit still long enough and she refuses to have her picture taken. She hates it for some reason." Felicity turned away from her portraits and gazed proudly around her room. "These are most of my paintings. Others are not as good of quality, some are in storage, some are with my parents and some I chose not to display."

"Do you paint in every medium?"

"Not every single one, no, but I do paint or at least try many different kinds. I have my most of my paint mediums and painting out to help me explain things to you. Art forms and styles have been tightly connected to various mediums and the purpose they serve. Hold on, just let me find some of my paint supplies." Felicity walked back into the living space and looked through two big drawers from the end table on the right of her couch. Something caught her attention that was not of the artistic nature. Holding a small box to the light for examination, Felicity sighed and yelled out.

"I found the nasal spray...it's in the cabinet."

A muffled voice came from the adjacent room. "Shit. I have to hide it in a different place now."

"Is that Tracie?" Spock asked staring in the direction of where the voice originated.

"Yes, she's getting ready to go out, so she won't be able to talk long. Which is good really, because if she had the time, she would not stop talking. Ever." Felicity pulled out different tubes and containers, gathering them to carry back to her room. She let everything fall on the bed.

"I conducted a speech on the use of different painting mediums in history. I remember most of it without even having to review any notes. That was seven years ago too. If you like, you can sit on my bed or at my desk, and I'll go ahead and start."

Spock opted for sitting at the desk. It was much more proper. "Please begin."

"Ok, as I was saying a minute ago, the main cause of change in mediums throughout the years correlates with the change of demand and style. Purpose goes hand and hand with art mediums." Felicity indicated to a her most crude painting. It was of a cave with barbaric figures adorning the walls of the cave. The canvas was nothing more than flimsy paper, and the paint left a gritty finish on the picture.

"For instance, the oldest known medium is tempera. I don't have any to show you, but I do have this small painting to use as an example. Now tempera used to be pigments from the earth like clay, minerals or plants mixed with egg whites. Tempera paint today is a manufactured, powder pigment that is mixed with water. Given the style of bright colors and easy clean-up, tempera is pretty much used only in classrooms today and is not a popular professional medium. This was used by cave-people who wished to display or record events. The most common was depictions of these people hunting. The hunt was a very significant part of life since it dictated if you were going to eat that day or not, and with it being so important, these people wished to record them hunting on cave walls with their natural paints.

"Now the second oldest medium used is watercolor." Felicity battled with a large book of pages, trying to open it. She showed Spock a painting of two dead soldier laying in grass, one of a phoenix with it's feathers looking like flame, and another of a woman's face. "It, unlike tempera, is still used today by many artists and can even be a preferred medium. This is what is looks like in it's raw form." Felicity held out a colored block for Spock to examine. She then retrieved the smallest tube she had with her, opened the cap and squeezed some paint onto her left index finger. "You can choose to paint with a chunk of hard, dry pigment, or use the smallest amount of this wet pigment. Watercolor was used for cartography originally. It's purpose has always been best with landscapes, and many map makers thousands of years ago used watercolors to illustrate their maps because of the versatility of the medium.

"Oil is another old medium that is also used today. I don't use it much, the oil mixed with the pigment makes drying time too slow for my liking. But besides for drying time, yellowing and cracking usually occurred when painting with oils. The major benefit of oil paints is how realistic they can make a drawing look. They are still technically considered natural which makes their pictures seem much more picture like. This medium was used for almost a millennium, most prominent when artists created works for clientele who wanted depictions of religious tales or documented portraits of themselves and family. The requirement for such life-like paintings made oil a desirable medium.

"Now, it was during the use of oils, in the 1800's that started the promotion of experimentation in art. People no longer needed painted portraits since the camera had been invented, so artists decided to start painting what they wanted. Rather than using so much black and white to darken or lighten a shade, artists started to actually look at all the different colors there were in the most ordinary things, and their work reflected their vision. Instead of clouds being white, they were now white, grey, green, blue and yellow. The world was now seen as an endless procession of colors. With this new idea, people started to experiment with other mediums and even tried creating new ones.

Felicity was speaking fast and excitedly while flailing her hands about. He obvious enjoyment of the topic made her eyes sparkle, and Spock wondered again why he had never bothered to ask her much about herself. He had missed so many opportunities to witness this beautiful, intelligent woman explain her passions to the fullest. Even the sound of her eager voice was similar to a song.

She pointed to 17 of the 21 painting in her room. At least he looks interested. I had thought this would have bored him to death.

"Acrylic is my favorite medium and a fairly new one at that. Where others were originated thousands of years ago, acrylic paints were scientifically engineered in the 1950's. Mexican and American scientists were attempting to create a paint that would be able to withstand the precarious weather Mexico always encountered and could be used on any surface, even if it was not primed first. They also wanted a medium that would be water soluble, unlike oils. The final product was a latex-based paint. The pigment is more vivid than in oils, but also much more versatile. Rather than requiring a week to dry, acrylic can dry in as little as ten minutes.

"Having such a versatile paint and a lack of clients who needed life-like art allowed for artists to experiment to their heart's content. Abstract paintings originated. These are a pure form of emotional expression. Harsh brush strokes or lines and shapes were used to create a sense of feeling and a purpose. Also, colors can be associated with human emotions and such colors would be used to convey a mood or a feeling. That's how it went, from documenting to expressing." Felicity put her hands on her hips and stared triumphantly at Spock.

"It seems illogical though," Spock said thoughtfully, "that humans would wish to waste time creating something that is so unnecessary."

Felicity shook her head furiously at the Vulcan still smiling. "That's where you're wrong. It's a form of meditation for us. We lose ourselves and our troubles in the work. Vulcans meditate right? I mean from your perspective, you are also pretty much saying that your time wasted during mediation is illogical too."

"Our meditation does serve a purpose, and I understand your argument, but why put so much effort into your form of meditation?"

"Why waste all your time for meditation with nonproductive sitting?" Felicity raised a now non-humorous eyebrow at Spock. The two looked at each other for a moment, neither sure of how to address the rhetorical silence. It was Spock who decided to speak first.

"Your argument is still opinion based."

"UGGHHHH! Spock, please tell me you at least understood what I was trying to tell you about art mediums and purposes..."

His mouth opened right before his words were interrupted.

"Alright, I'm going out! I love you!" Tracie yelled from the living area. Felicity moved at the sound of her best friend's voice and indicated for Spock to follow.

"Hey, Tracie. Spock this is Tracie. Tracie, this is who I was telling you about. This is Spock." She indicated to the Vulcan standing next to her.

Tracie looked at him disinterested. "Hi."

Spock nodded at her. "Hello."

"So what are you?" Oh, God, Tracie!

The black-haired RN's question took Spock off guard. His brows furrowed without hesitation, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. "...A Vulcan."

Felicity interrupted the failing social scene. "He's over so I could enlighten him about Earth art."

"Oh, that's nice." Tracie walked over to the wall closest to the door and indicated to an abstract painting. "Did you show him this one?"

"No." The two students said in unison. Felicity stole a glance at Spock as red invaded her cheeks.

"Why not?" Tracie continued on, drinking her sweet tea all the while. "This one is my favorite. I mean it has the word 'Fuck' in it. How can you get much cooler than that? I think we should have more paintings with the word 'Fuck' in them. Like, we should just have one big one with the works 'Fuck You' written on it." Tracie shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I'm off. Have fun, and don't 'fuck' in my bed." Tracie walked out the door leaving a very red Felicity with a confused Spock in her wake.

***

Terry was the type of man that made having small talk with very easy. His Cheshire Cat grin never left his face, and he was funny but not vulgar.

"Would you like a beer?" Terry provided a bottle for Felicity.

"For studying?" She asked with a laugh while sitting on Spock's bed. Wrinkling the comforter. But he did not dare ask her to move. The vision of her sitting on his bed was too intriguing.

"It makes it a lot more fun."

"Sure. But why not just use your replicator?"

Terry observed his bottle. "It's not nearly as good as real beer, and I think the alcohol content in these things is set to 'super low'. I stock up on real beer whenever I can," he then drank half the bottle.

"Terrence has a considerably large stock for his high amount of consumption." Spock interjected standing near his own desk.

"Oh, well that's a good idea. I like to cook occasionally, and by occasionally, I mean about twice a year." What? Where did that come from?

Her audience continued on as if there had been nothing odd about her comment. "What do you cook?"

"Various Polish dishes. Food that I grew up with living with my step parents."

"You have step parents?" Terry asked taking another sip of his beer.

"Yes, I was born in England, but my parents died when I was eight. I lived with my step family here in America ever since then. My stepfather was from Poland."

"I'm so sorry about your parents. That must have been awful for a child."

"Don't be sorry, they deserved it."

Silence. Again, I just speak and people don't know what to say.

"Sorry, it's just that they weren't really nice people, to anyone really, including me..." Felicity's voice drifted off as she spoke. She gazed around the dorm. It was smaller than her and Tracie's apartment. There were no separate living quarters. The main room had two beds with small desks and was connected to a bathroom. The walls were a boring, light blue. What surprised her most was how clean both of them kept their things. Not Spock so much but more of how neat Terry was. Thinking about an irate Spock with a filthy roommate lightened Felicity's mood.

Within 23 minutes of meeting Felicity, Terry had already discovered more about her than Spock had in his 77 days of knowing her. Spock's eyes narrowed at the idea, and felt remorse again.

"So what do you like to do?" Terry continued his inquisition while gulping his second beer.

"Well, any kind of sports, I love running, I paint and draw, I write stories and prose and I like to read and learn new things."

Spock's voice interrupted Terry from asking the next question. "What do you write about?" The overtly calm Vulcan was becoming irritated with his roommate.

"Anything that I find inspiring. My last tirade of prose I wrote were ominous and depressing. A direct result of a failed relationship."

Spock's blood began to boil. Imagining a male, much like the ones he had met on Earth, engaged in a romantic relationship with Felicity made Spock clench his fists. Imagining a male hurting her emotionally or otherwise was incomprehensible to Spock. He wondered what the name of the male was. He also wondered what he would do if he discovered the name of said male. Upon realization of where his illogical actions would lead him, he decided it was best not to ask Felicity.

"I think we need to get some studying done, Spock." Felicity looked to Spock then stood to get out her human behavior notes. As Felicity rummaged through her bag, one of her PADDs fell to the floor. Spock bent over gracefully to pick up the object. His eyes glanced at the screen while doing so, and his body froze.

All of us are really just waiting to die. Biding our time with jobs and alcohol. Hoping for a purpose. Wishing we all had meaning. Wishing we meant something to others. All lost. All miserable. All alone.

"What is this?" Spock indicated to the PADD in his hand.

"Oh, that's just a small prose I was writing in class being bored out of my mind. It was during forensics. If it had been in a class with you, I probably would have just bugged the hell out of you instead."

"What was the significance you wished to convey?"

"That sometimes it's hard to be optimistic. Especially when entering into another unknown path of life. It's something I've felt at many different times of my life. "

Spock considered her words for a moment. She is in pain. "Fascinating. Have you written other prose?"

"Yes. I have more at my apartment. I could show you a few of them sometime if you'd like to read them."

"I would find that very interesting." Spock leaned in Felicity's direction and quirked up his eye brows.

"Hell ya!" Terry exclaimed. "I don't know anyone who writes poetry. Or at least, I didn't until now."

"Ok, ok!" Felicity laughed at the excitement. "Enough about me, what about you Terry? What's your major?"

"Engineering. I am an expert at calibrating the programs in computers that control artificial gravity and air supply."

"Alright, and what do you like to do?" Felicity's chin was cradled in her hands with her elbows propped on her knees as she listened.

"I like to do all kinds of outdoors sports too. Kayaking, swimming, anything fun you know. I like to drink and party...uh...hot women. The usual."

"That sounds very cool. Maybe we could do something together sometime. My roommate does not like to go outside much less do sports. When do you have some free time?" The excitement was invading Felicity's body at the prospect of having a friend do actually do things with.

"All the time! Always off Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. For instance, tomorrow I have nothing to do until seven when I go on a hot date with this blonde chick I've been trying to get for aaaaages."

The propensity to render Terry unconscious was radiating from Spock. He made a mental note to never allow Felicity over when Terry was around. Spock knew how his roommate was women and did not want Felicity in a ten mile radius after this display.

"Come on, Felicity. It will be really fun. We could plan all kinds of different activities that would give Spock a decent indication of what humans like to do for fun. I've also been trying to get him out of the apartment so we can have some fun for aaaaages too."

This change of circumstances is unexpected.

"That would be great! Spock, do you have anything you need to do tomorrow?" The serotonin that caused Felicity's eyes to sparkle was Spock's downfall. He criticized his lack of logic when she was around. Her green eyes and brilliant smile were almost enough to make him relinquish any hold he had on reason and act completely on whim.

But her question was at hand. Did he have anything to do? Of course. He still needed to investigate the complexities of human behavior, he had exactly 57 calculus problems to complete, his paper on the Trajectory of Meteors When Compared to the Orbiting Masses of Certain Planets was lacking, and his independent research had not progressed at all in the previous week.

"No. I am available."

"Wonderful! This is going to be so much fun. Don't worry, I'll think of all kinds of things for us to do, and you think some too, Terry." Felicity yawned and looked at her watch. "It's getting late. I need to head home and go to sleep early tonight considering all the …..."

"We have not even begun our studies for human behavior. Did you not need help studying for your midterm?"

"Umm, well, no. I should be alright." Felicity turned to Terry and gave him a quick hug during which Spock shifted his weight to his left foot. "I'll see you tomorrow, Terry." She then looked at Spock unsure of what to do. "Uh. I'm glad we collaborated, even if it was only for your benefit." Felicity gave Spock an embarrassed smile and finally said, "Good night, Spock." averting her eyes quickly.

"Do you require my assistance for your journey home?"

"No, please I'll be fine. I'm a pretty tough cookie."

"Good evening then, Felicity."

The small woman made her way out of Spock and Terry's dorm as the two watched acutely. Once the automatic doors closed, a large, soft object made contact with Spock's head.

"I can't believe you! Just staying quiet this whole time while she's here!"

"You were commandeering most of the conversation, Terrence." Scolded Spock giving the cheeky boy an uncharacteristic scowl.

"You could have at least kissed her goodnight! Sheesh!" Terry shook his head and changed his clothes.

Spock continued to stand confused again. "Kiss her goodnight?" he mumbled to himself. Is that what humans did with friends? Or more appropriately, friends with whom one is infatuated? What would be the proper protocol to execute that action? What if Felicity did not agree with that cultural norm? Was it even a cultural norm or another deception Terrence alluded to?

Spock sighed utterly perturbed by his inexperience with such situations and prepared himself for the following day.


	7. Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is an older work, I had put a poem of mine in, and now I'm not too keen on such a writing style, but it added to the storyline momentarily, so I kept it in. Bare with me. ;)

Terry was gathering the necessities for the day. The supplies were in a big pile at the center of his bed. His ideas were to go kayaking, mountain climbing, maybe find a good place to get lunch then watch a new rock band play in a nearby park. He would have to check with Felicity, making sure the plans were appropriate to both parties. He didn't want Felicity doing something she loathed.

Terry looked in Spock's direction. The slim Vulcan was dressed in a skin tight, long-sleeved, black rashguard and a pair of Terry's baggy, black swim trunks. He figured Spock would not at all like being around Felicity half-naked and the long sleeves and color would keep him moderately warm in the cold water. Terry continued to watch as Spock examined his every inch in the mirror, confirming that he looked acceptable. Occasionally, Spock would flatten a piece of nonexistent hair or shift under the tightness of the clothing.

A noise at Spock's desk caught Terry's attention. "Spock, you have an incoming communication from Vulcan."

Spock tore his eyes from his appearance and walked gracefully to the computer on his desk. He touched the screen to accept the communication. There were not many statistical possibilities for who could be contacting him. As the face flashed on screen, Spock recognized it as belonging to the most probable person to call on him.

"Hello mother."

Amanda Greyson smiled enough to show her teeth while she appraised her son's appearance. "Going out?"

"You are correct. Terrence, another acquaintance and myself are spending the day exploring the potential of Terran activities."

"And you will be swimming?"

"Possibly."

"That will be interesting. Who is the other 'acquaintance'?"

This time Terry spoke as he maneuvered his way past Spock's head to see Amanda. He always liked the woman. She made Spock seem much more human, especially when he watched Spock talk to her. Amanda had also enlightened Terry about some of her son's idiosyncrasies. Why would he not return the favor and enlighten her about the latest gossip? "Spock's soon-to-be girlfriend. She's really smart, nice and gorgeous. You would absolutely love her!" With his big grin in place, Terry danced away from Spock's hemisphere of their room.

Amanda's face illuminated similar to Terry's. "Is this true, Spock?" She gazed inquisitively at her only son. His private nature caused her to pry a little more than her liking. She was appreciative that Terry was around to keep her up-to-date. "Her name is Felicity." spoke Terry from the bathroom. Amanda's smile suddenly fell. "What about T'Pring?"

"I have taken her into consideration, mother. Felicity is a friend, and logic would dictate that she is nothing more."

"Logic does not dictate matters of the heart, my dear."

"I am already connected to T'Pring." the statement caused Terry to practically run out of the bathroom to stare at Spock. "I cannot break our connection based solely on the unexplainable disposition I have for Felicity. Father would object."

"Why? Because you don't think he would approve of you being bonded with a human woman or because of breaking the bond between you and T'Pring? She has developed a mutual attraction with Stonn, and I sincerely doubt she would want to give him up. If you feel general interest about this 'Felicity', then I think you should pursue her. You never took too much liking to T'Pring."

"That is my dilemma. We are connected, but I am not interested in her."

"An you are interested in Felicity?"

Spock considered it for a very brief moment. "Yes. She is fascinating."

"I believe you'll do what you think is best, but according to Terry's brief description of the girl, she sounds wonderful. I notice how your eyes soften when you say her name. I've never witnessed that when you talk about T'Pring." Amanda eyed her son carefully. She could almost see the dormant passion raising within him.

Spock sighed, completely aware that he could never hide anything from her. "I understand mother."

"So is there any chance that you will be visiting soon? Maybe over winter break?" Amanda changed the subject and asked hopefully.

"I do not believe so."

"You'll be busy?" Spock nodded. "Well, I will miss you more than I can express. Things are boring here without you, my love. It's just a bunch of quiet afternoons and stately dinners." Amanda looked at the chronometer and yawned. It's getting late, Spock. I'll let you go so you can get ready for your day. I just wanted to check on you and make sure everything was going well, and I am very happy to see that you have made friends there."

"Good evening, mother."

"Good morning, Spock." Amanda gave her son a large smile again before his computer screen turned black. Spock sat staring at the screen. He missed his mother greatly and wanted to return home during the break, but the interest of Felicity was also prominent. Not to mention he needed to work on his school that he had been so diligently neglecting. He had not even read the texts for his next semester of classes.

"What the HELL was that all about?!" Terry yelled standing in the same spot he had been at for seven minutes and twenty seven seconds.

"What?"

"You're engaged?!" Disbelief clouded Terry's expression.

"By human standards I suppose. It is a commitment less than a marriage, but more than a betrothal. All Vulcans are connected to a mate at the age of seven."

"Then there's no chance of ever getting together with Felicity, because you're connected with this Vulcan girl? I have been working hard to get you two together. You wouldn't have even talked to her if I hadn't told you to make small talk with people. All this work I put into getting you a woman, and I find out by happenstance that, 'Oh, by the way, I'm engaged'. You are the bane of my existence."

"Terrence, keep in mind that my father obviously did not stay with his Vulcan mate."

***

Felicity walked around her apartment in a skimpy brown, woven bathing suit. Terry contacted her early, before she had even dredged herself out of bed and told her that they were definitely going to the beach and wanted to make sure she would wear her swimsuit.

"When you get here, we can collaborate about what all we're going to do today, but I really want to go swimming."

"Wha bout Spock? Ze even like tha sora thing? Ze even have sim trunks?" Felicity mumbled not fully capable of her voice at such an early hour.

"I'll have him taken care of. Don't worry. See you in a bit."

Felicity walked over to her bookshelf to grab the book of poems she wanted to share with Spock. As she was reaching for her book, something caught her eye.

"The nasal spray is on the bookshelf now." she called out to the apartment.

"Damn it! God! I'm going to have to find a really good spot to hide it next. Hey, are you going to be here this afternoon?" Tracie walked out of her room dressed only in her underwear.

"No, I'm going to hang out with Spock and his roommate Terry, remember?"

"Ah hell, I don't remember anything with all these drugs I take." Tracie eyed Felicity's swimsuit. "What happened to your sexy, red lingerie?"

"We're going swimming, so I decided to forgo it." Though I will still have fantasies where it is discarded on the floor.

"Forgo. Who the hell says the word 'forgo'? You know, I was talking to Cathy and Dr. Cook the other day at work and was telling them about that one word you said the other day...rudimentary. I asked them if they knew what it meant, 'cause I sure as hell didn't." Tracie threw her arms in the air and walked out of the living room.

"Oh course you don't. You're from Georgia."

"...Fucking bitch."

Felicity bounced into Tracie's room, threw herself onto the bed and modeled an over exaggerated pose. "What are you going to do today, my beautiful flower? Seeing any men?"

"After four marriages...all ending in divorce? Fuck that shit. You know I've given up on men, because anywhere I go, they are always the same. Stupid, drunk and worthless. Remember that whole situation with John? You have no idea how much I want to go up to his girlfriend and tell her that I fucked her boyfriend for two months." Tracie held a peace sign t-shirt to her chest. "What do you think? I'm going out with Cathy to see Dr. Cook's band play in the park."

"Oh I think we might go to that." Felicity moved to the edge of the bed opposite of Tracie and propped her head up with her hand. "If we do go, I'll try and find you."

"Who are you going with again?"

"Spock and his roommate Terry. You met Spock last night..."

"Is he that weird pointy eyebrow, earbrow, thing?"

"Do you really just say 'earbrow'?" Tracie waved Felicity off. "Yes. Spock is the one with pointy ears. You haven't met Terry yet, but he was really nice when we were talking last night."

"Do you think he's hot?"

"Which one."

"The normal one."

"No."

"The weird one then."

"Vulcan...ya."

"Of course you would. You're so weird yourself, saying words like rudimentary and forgo."

"He's really nice, Tracie. You just don't like him because he is from a different species and not like you."

"You think he's different, and he may be in some ways, but he's still a man. He still wants to fuck you. Trust me, I married four of them, and they are all the same sort of, sleazebag, redneck, hicks who just want to control your life, fuck the hell out of you and go to bed." Tracie started to become riled about the topic and started her random pointing and arm flailing. "I think they're all intimidated. THEY ARE! Those damn mother FUCKERS can't even handle the idea of taking care of themselves or working hard, and don't EVEN get me started about sex. If any of these pathetic dogs could even get it up. Fucking DUCK SICKERS!"

Tracie's last comment caused both her and Felicity to shake with laughter. "Why the fuck does this shit come out of my mouth?" Tracie breathed between laughs. Felicity couldn't control herself either and threw her head back in laughter. This maneuver caused her to fall backwards off Tracie's bed onto the floor with a loud thud. The disappearance of Felicity forced Tracie to the ground in laughter. After an immeasurable amount of time, the hysterical women were finally able to control themselves. Felicity popped her head over the bed to look at Tracie, who was the first one to speak. "So, you think I'm a flower?" she asked with a smile.

"More like a venus fly trap."

***

"As you requested, I brought my book of poems." Felicity walked into the room and held up a small black book in her right hand. The cover was leather and the pages inside were lined with furiously scribbled words.

"Paper?" Spock inquired about the use of her primitive methods.

"Yes. Writing with pencil makes my words flow easier." She fully observed Spock's attire for the first time since she had walked in. "You look adorable in that. Nice choice, Terry. Anyway, this is where all my poems, or prose is what they're really considered, are along with short stories or interesting ideas. Here," Felicity handed Spock the book which was already opened to a particular page. "This is my favorite one I wrote."

Spock held the book carefully in his hands; he did not want to damage something so vitally important to Felicity; and began reading.

A Brief Encounter with Whimsey

'Staring out my stately window,

Sitting softly on my sofa,

I wonder casually, cautiously, callously.

I wonder what withered and wild escapades

My frivolous future foretells.

My room is empty, the walls are blank,

Beguiled remnants of a better past.

The cold carpet was hard and hardly pleasing under my feet.

Yet I still sit, stationed, unmoving, solitary

And wondering wonderful thoughts

While waiting for a more whimsical life.

I have been long awaiting

And longingly elating,

A time, a place, a face

To come and calm and copulate.

Steadfastly steeling my thoughts

Against this cold unwavering feeling,

I sigh contented, tormented, resented.

The sound rightfully resounding

And instantly dumbfounding,

Tears me away from these tremulous thoughts.

I've been staring out my stately window

And have not seen what is truly beyond.

Skies of blending blues shadow

The top of this translucent painting.

Boring, brown twigs are elegantly elaborated with green hues.

There is an uncertainty in nature's pattern,

A calamity mixed with a paradoxical sense of security.

Seeing nature's sudden still,

Causes me a chill.

I rationally and reluctantly realize

That life cannot always be what I fantasize.

There is a chaos throughout this existence;

Internal, external,

And exemplifies my resistance

To fully involve my precious self

In this charade of life.

Staring out my stately window

And seeing the secret reality of my soul,

I also begin to bewilderingly understand.

The painted chaos outside my window is pertinent.

Profound. Perfect.

What a strange sensation

To believe that chaos is a perfect creation.

It is mildly an unfortunate, unmoving circumstance though

That the hectic, human race

Is not a reflection of perfection.

I am allowed to be blank as my walls.

Blinded. Bemused.

I can reserve myself

From those fluent and furious feelings

And remain the anomaly

As seen by everyone but me.

Regaining my composure

From this unnecessary emotional exposure,

I realize my sudden silliness

And slowly push such frivolous thoughts from my mind.

I am as cold as my carpet.

Calm. Calculated.

There is nothing in this wide world

Worthy of letting my emotions controlling my devotions,

Devious as they may be.

So I continue staring out my stately window,

And I wonder casually, cautiously, callously,

How interesting, yet unintelligible it was

To have such a brief encounter with whimsey.'

Spock then handed the book to Terry who started reading, then turned his head to Felicity. She was wearing a bright yellow shirt and severed shorts that barely covered more than necessary. Aside from the previous night, when she had worn long pants and a gold sweater, Spock had never seen Felicity dressed in anything other than her uniform. He considered it an improvement.

Terry looked up, closing the book. "I don't understand this? What is it about?"

A deep sigh exuded from Felicity. "It's about how I, not by Vulcan standards, am a very calculated individual. What happened rhetorically is the whole, I fell in love and got my heart broken issue. What happened literally in the poem is that I started to wish for something more than my boring life. Something exciting. In both events, once the moment of anticipation passed, I realized how silly I was for vacating my dominating logical half and allowing my passions to dictate my actions."

"Shit, she's starting to sound like you, Spock!" Terry groaned and handed Felicity the book back. "Are all your poems...prose like that?"

"No, that one is the most complicated."

"And you give it as the first one for me to read? You need to rethink my artistic qualities."

"Are you going to read any more?"

"Oh no. One is enough, thank you." Clapping his hands together, Terry digressed. "Alright, my plans for the day are to go kayaking, mountain climbing and go watch a rock band. What do you think?"

Felicity was quick to respond. "Kayaking would be fun, especially to watch Spock attempt it. I hate mountain climbing. I was thinking about horseback riding. That is tons of fun." Terry shook his head.

"Horses bother me. I don't do well with them."

"We could just take our time kayaking then. Stop in different spots and go swimming. Once we get back, we can shower and go watch the band. When is your date?"

"Seven."

"Well let's get started before we waste all our time."

Felicity loved the water and any activity that constituted being anywhere around it. There was no fear of drowning, no anxiety in murky water, no fear of tall water slides, no trepidation on boats...with opaque bottoms. Sliding her light blue kayak, that she borrowed from the academy, into the water, Felicity descended in with ease. Gaining her center of balance was quick, and shifting the paddle in her hand came naturally as she glided across the water. Looking back at her companions, she saw that they were not as well off as she.

Spock's expression was infinitesimally glum as he gingerly sat in his kayak. Terry was frustrated with Spock's reluctance and resorted to being terse with the stubborn Vulcan. "You're not going to get that wet, Spock!"

Felicity stopped and waited for the two ornery men. "I do not understand the functional purpose of what we are doing." Spock retorted to Terry as he wobbly drifted sideways. Vulcans did not belong on the water.

Felicity's own kayak began to shake with her laughter. "I never thought I'd find something that could so easily defeat a Vulcan." she called out to him. Spock glared at her while he corrected his direction.

Even being so unaccustomed to the water, it only took Felicity and Terry a few minutes of advice for Spock to understand the tricks to kayaking. They only had to compare their actions to momentum and physics. Soon, Spock was having to paddle much slower than the other two for them to keep up.

The three of them traveled to a large creek, not wanting to be on a beach, and were quiet for the first hour of paddling. Lush, green trees flanked the banks of the creek, and spider webs high in the branches glistened in the sunlight. Why don't I do this more often? Felicity thought to herself, content in the silent companionship. She would often have to take small breaks, not having near the amount of upper body strength as the two men. She was fierce though to not be left behind or hinder Terry and Spock by pushing herself hard. I am going to be so sore tomorrow.

The water was not deep. Possibly 13 feet deep in the center of the creek and crystal clear to the very bottom. Felicity's good vision could easily see twigs and leaves resting on the sand below. Occasionally, they would encounter something more formidable than lofty spiders. A small raccoon examining the water watched the three with great curiosity as they floated by. Terry pretended to be invisible and did not put his paddle in the water when a dark, black snake slithered by practically walking on the surface.

Terry was the first to speak; which was not unlikely given that he liked talking so much more than either Spock or Felicity. "So your biological parents died? What happened?"

Felicity, not expecting any sort of communication, was startled by the question. "My dad shot my mom, shot me, then put the gun in his mouth."

"He shot you? Where?" Terry looked at her incredulously.

"He aimed for my heart but tripped in the process. I barely have a scar on the top of my left shoulder."

"Oh, wow. You'll have to show me sometime." Felicity nodded and didn't bother to continue the conversation. She was having too much fun observing everything.

Another half hour raced by in silence. Felicity could feel her arms objecting to the constant work and decided it was time to rest. "Hey guys, could we take a break for a few minutes? My arms are getting really tired."

Terry positioned his kayak next to the bank of the creek, near an area with as few spiders as possible, then tied Felicity and Spock's kayaks to his own. Felicity rubbed her arms and drank from her flask she brought. Terry gave her a look, and she replied, "What? It's just water. Like I'm going to be drinking while I do all this physical activity."

Felicity turned her attention to Spock, who was gazing around the area. He seemed much more content than when they first set off. "You seem to be in a much better mood, Mr. Spock." Felicity commented with a cheeky grin.

The Vulcan looked back at her. "The plant life on Earth has always been fascinating to me. I was comparing the trees around us to the ones you wrote about in your poem. Although, to compare perfection to chaos is quite illogical. As to the sport of kayaking, I do not understand the proficiency of it. We are heading nowhere, exhausting our physical resources...and we are on the water. Our purpose eludes me."

"Sports like these, Spock are almost considered personal physical challenges. Humans like to challenge themselves and to paddle for miles just for the sake of seeing how far one could paddle is perfectly reasonable to humans. It defines limits but also proves how much one could really accomplish when he really forces himself to try. And being isolated in nature, as we are, commands our attention to the environment around us. We're all so used to cut grass and trimmed bushes, and even at that, we hardly notice the world as we rush through it. Having the time to absorb your surroundings can be very calming for some people. I know I like it."

"Here, here." Terry profoundly commented.

The three comrades were silent another moment, and Felicity considered talking again. "Spock, tell me the truth about why you decided to join Starfleet."

"I did when we first met."

"You didn't give me the reasons. Why did you not pursue the Vulcan Science Academy?"

The memory replayed in Spock's mind. He analyzed it, as he had done countless times before. Keeping his eyes down, he spoke. "I was accepted to the academy, but during the council which announced my acceptance, the residing minister criticized my heritage."

It was Felicity's turn to say, "I don't understand."

"My mother is human." The words didn't make sense to Felicity. Did Spock have a surrogate mother? Was his mother more human than most Vulcans? It took her a few moments to suddenly realize what he was saying.

"You're half-human? I didn't know that." She stared at Spock with her mouth open.

"You never asked."

Felicity smiled at the irony of his words. "Well there's hope for you after all, then."

Spock ignored her comment and continued with his recollection. "The minister considered the part of me that is my mother's as a disadvantage. I do not disagree with his words, but the remark was an unnecessary inference to my mother. I did not agree with his criticism of her, so I declined."

"What does your father think about your decision to attend Starfleet?"

"He disagrees with my choice. I have not spoken with him since before I took my leave of Vulcan."

"That must be awful."

"I do not understand?"

"Doesn't it bother you that you two haven't talked in months?"

"No."

Shaking her head, Felicity started preparing herself for the continuing journey.

They continued for another hour; chatting a bit during the process. Spock would sometimes cease his paddling and glide along the creek next to an exhausted Felicity. He had even offered to pull her making their journey much more time efficient, but she refused, grumbling something close to, "Stupid, cocky, Vulcan". No longer was nature interesting. Felicity was exhausted and practically willed herself to continue. This is why I don't do this more often. Around 1400 hours, Spock suggested they make their way back to ensure enough time to get ready for the evening. Felicity objected to their immediate about-face and demanded a real break that consisted of them landing somewhere and walking around for a while.

Spock considered the real logic of such a meaningless sport while he helped Felicity secure her own kayak to a small tree trunk, preventing it from drifting away with the current. Strenuous, physical action, difficult for his companions to match his speed, no logical, productive result, and it required him to get wet. Felicity's explanation made sense but only in a human context. He could think of no reason why any Vulcan would ever consider kayaking. Spock was sure Terry and Felicity had chosen this activity just to frustrate him, and considered making his annoyances known when his gazed rested upon a now barely clad Felicity who was only covered with small pieces of fabric and string.

Spock adored the sport of kayaking.

Felicity saw Spock watching her then proceeded to make her way towards him. "So this is my scar."She pointed to the one located just above her left shoulder. The marred skin was puckered and pink but only measuring 1 ½ inches in diameter. Spock's dark, brown eyes gazed at it for a moment and then without being able to suppress his sudden impulse, he touched the scar, ever so gently, with his index finger.

It was the first physical contact the two had ever shared, and time seemed to be frozen with them locked in the eternity of the other. It also did not make matters any easier with Felicity almost nude.

"You were lucky to receive such little damage."

"Ha, physically."

"I take it, from previous comments you have also made that your memories and experiences with your biological parents did not leave you with a sense of invincibility. Why do you continue to linger on it?"

Terry had finished securing his kayak and now stood with Spock and Felicity. "It's such a dominant memory from my childhood, the time when I am suppose to learn about life and how to accept things. With abuse being so constant, it was difficult to disassociate myself with the memories. Sometimes my mind lingers too long and those painful memories surface. I don't want to linger, but I can't ignore the truth and reality of my past." The small woman looked down, shrugged her shoulder and crossed her arms. The typical pouting stance. How much more stereotypical could I get? Spock wanted to reach out and hold Felicity, but he had already indulged himself with one unexplainable action for the day.

"That is why you do your art?" Spock deduced.

"Yes, and because I'm good at it. Mainly though to vent the angry, happy or sad feelings I have."

"Why not just cry, like every other girl I know?" Terry inquired, finally deciding to join the conversation.

"I don't cry. Not in front of people. I'm English remember? It's all about keeping up appearances and saving face.. Ah, duh."

"But you are a bit too random to be worried about your dignity," protested Terry.

"Nor do you strictly adhere to proper social protocols, as is typical with the English," added Spock.

"Had a crazy childhood, remember guys? I have also lived in America for 17 years so I do tend to be a little more self-gratifying and needy." Terry snorted at her comment.

Spock decided to heed Felicity's words and wandered into the forest out of mild interest. When he asked her if she would like to accompany him, she laid spread eagle on the ground and said, "Hell no! I'm staying right here until we leave again. I am WAY too tired to bother with that." Spock watched as Felicity's labored breathing caused her chest to rise and fall dramatically, and after exactly 42 seconds, reluctantly left.

Terry made sure Spock was far enough away before he began talking with Felicity. "So you like Spock, right?"

"If the countless fantasies of him bending me over his desk are any indication." She kept her eyes closed but lifted her eyebrows.

The blonde man cringed. "I live there too alright. I don't need to know the details."

"You're the same way from what I hear."

"But I'm not a Vulcan."

Felicity finally faced Terry. "And that makes you less of a conquest."

"Is that all you consider him to be? Just a conquest."

"Getting protective of your Vulcan, are you, Terry? I don't know. It's weird, because whenever I am around him, I never want to leave. Everything about him is amazing and...innocent. His general interest is so cute and his intelligence is astounding." Felicity's look was far off and similar to if she had been under the influence of barbiturates.

"I take that as a 'Yes I do not care, and all I want to do is have sex with the Vulcan'."

"Ass hole."

"He likes you too."

"Do you really think so? I get that feeling,, but it's hard to tell with him sometimes. And knowing me in past events, he could be requesting sex from me and I would only think he was being friendly. I can never tell when men are flirting with me."

"I really don't think you're going to get anywhere fast with him, but you two should stick together."

Half way back to their starting point, Felicity frustratedly gave up and let Spock tie a rope to her kayak and tow her along. This is how life should be. Gorgeous cabana boys tending to my every need. Spock still had to take his time paddling back, since Terry was also tired. They did not arrive back to the dorm until five thirty, and Terry complained about the lateness of hour. He dashed to the bathroom before Felicity or Spock had a chance to step through the doorway.

"I take it that we will not be going to the concert?" Felicity looked at Spock while she sat on the edge of his bed. Her clothes were back in place, but they were wet and clung to her small body.

"Terry will not be coming if that is what you were meaning. Unless you would prefer to forgo the concert as well." Spock concentrated on floor in front of Felicity's feet.

Ha! Other people say 'forgo' too! I'll have to brag to Tracie!

"I don't want to go. I just want to eat. I was thinking something with a salad bar for you, and a lot of margaritas for me."

"That sounds reasonable."

"How long do you think Terry will take? Does he usually take forever to clean up?"

"If he took forever, he would still be in the bathroom since the first day I met him. It should not take him too long in the experiences I have had with him."

"Do you mind if I rest while I wait to shower, because I am about to pass out?"

"Not at all." Before Spock even got all of the words out of his mouth, Felicity became horizontal. She would be formidable that evening, but her present state required rest. She was far too exhausted to bother with formalities and fell asleep where she fell.

Spock, cognitively alone, looked around the room for an appropriate course of action. His vision rested upon Felicity's bag. She had wanted to show him some of her poems, and he had only read one. He figured that it would not bother her too much if he read more of her poetry while she slept. After quickly finding the black book, Spock sat down again and began reading. He read three poems when Felicity's soft snoring roused his attention. Unsure about what was happening to him; why he was always acutely aware of her body's curves, Spock looked up.

His beautiful, brown eyes watched as Felicity slept, and not at all in a pervasive manner. He was simply curious about her anatomy. Not that he had ever taken any other woman into consideration. That mental noted was locked away as Spock continued to watch the small woman breathe slowly. Nothing in his 26 years had ever caused him to become so suddenly tunnel visioned as looking at Felicity sleep on his bed.

Terry burst out of the bathroom clean shaven and spunky. "Ahhhh!" His exclamation woken Felicity much to Spock's discontent. "You both my now use the shower." Felicity grumbled something along the lines of a 'thanks' and trudged into the small room carrying her change of clothing, and Terry did not bother to speak to Spock while he prepared for his evening. After the only woman of the three showered and changed into a tight-fitting, red dress, Spock was last to shower

The time then came when Terry had to leave.

"And you won't come to dinner with us?" Felicity asked knowing the question was futile.

"Are you kidding? No way! This girl I'm going out with is perfect, I mean T. There's no way I'm giving up my chances with her to spend a few fun, but sexless hours with you two. No offense."

Felicity smiled and nodded tiredly as she watched Terry hastened out of the room.

***

Felicity and Spock sat at dinner together. Felicity, exhausted beyond reason and Spock, unaware of how to address her in the situation.

"I can feel the heat radiating off of my body. I really wish I had used sunscreen." Felicity said as she gripped a hand to her arm. She was as red as a lobster and felt self conscious about it.

Spock, unperturbed by her random remark quizzed her about some of the many things he had asked her previously. "Do you have any siblings, Felicity?"

Her body swayed from side to side as she answered. "I have my one step sister. She's six years older than me and pretty much the coolest person I know."

"Do you care for her more than Tracie?"

"Are you kidding? Living with Tracie is similar to being in a drama. Life is full of surprises. I mean, she's outrageous, but my sister is really smart and also a big, ball of love. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my sister, while there are a number of things that I wouldn't do for Tracie." Felicity snorted in disbelief at the question.

"What does-"

"Enough!" Felicity put her hand up to stop him from talking. "What about your family? Do you have any siblings? What do your parents do?"

"I have one half-brother, Sybok. We have not spoken since I was young. My father is the Vulcan ambassador to Earth and my mother accompanies my father at diplomatic functions."

"What did your mum do before they met? Where did she live?"

"She was a kindergarten teacher from Canada."

"A Vulcan ambassador married a Canadian school teacher? That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my life!" Spock lifted one of his eyebrows at Felicity but did not press the matter.

Felicity was enjoying her sixth margarita when Spock's own inquisition continued.

"Felicity, I was curious if you would be kind enough to enlighten me about an exchange I witnessed between two students the other day."

"Of course. Your personal, cultural encyclopedia is ready to help." Spock stared at her with the "Felicity Look". "Don't worry about it."

"If you wish. I was observing the two, a male and a female, having a heated discussion, and I presumed that they were engaged in a form of courtship."

"What made you think that?"

"The proximity of their bodies. They were far to close, only about eight inches away from each other, for their argument to be seen as professional by nature. When they finally separated, the male collaborated with other males and conversed about the exchange between the two."

"Yes, where is your cultural problem?

"I overheard the male, the one who had been arguing, say to the others that he was going to, referring to the female, 'Kill her'. Do you believe there is a possibility of this happening, because if you do, I would need to alert security and give them the male's identification."

"No, it's just a type of slang...phrase."

"I see. I had deduced that result, but still wanted your clarification. So when humans are enraged about certain topics, they typically threaten others' lives? I find that highly illogical." Spock thought about it deeply.

"Ya. Pretty much. You know we tend to be an emotionally verbose race."

"Then hypothetically, if I disagreed with you about the protocol for handling laboratory instruments, I would threaten to kill you, even though I would have no intention of executing that action?"

"Yes."

"And do all humans speak in such a barbaric fashion? How would I know when the right time would be to take action for the prevention of such an act occurring?"

"People say a lot of things, but typically are too apathetic to follow through with what they say. And I really don't see too many people who truly want to violently kill someone. It's not very common to find, even for an investigator."

"So people who threaten to kill another do not typically mean the full intensity of their words?"

"No. Not really." Felicity paused, but just had to open her mouth again. "I mean, someone like Andrew Jackson would."

There was the typical "Felicity silence" as Spock's brow furrowed just a fraction. Why do I even bother trying to speak? Felicity thought mentally shaking her head.

"About whom are you referring?"

"Andrew Jackson. The seventh president of the United States of America. He just...had one of those sort of...personalities where he would probably kill a person if they didn't agree with him. After one of the many failed assassination attempts on his life, Jackson beat the man who tried to kill him to death with his walking cane."

"I see."

'Shit, now I confused him,' Felicity thought.

"I'm sorry, you know how sometimes I just open my mouth, and there's a bit more in there than I'm expecting."

Spock was silent again analyzing Felicity.

"Verbally or physically?"

"Shut up."

After dinner, Spock thought it would be appropriate to escort Felicity to her apartment due to the late hour and the many drinks she consumed at dinner, even though she seemed to be in full control of her motor skills. They mainly walked in silence. Spock not knowing what to say to Felicity, and Felicity too inebriated to want to speak and risk slurring her words making her seem foolish.

When they got to her door Felicity paused, not pushing the entrance code to let herself inside. Instead, she turned around to face Spock. He watched her intently, curious about her indecision. Felicity's lips parted and she began to breathe from her mouth as she stood, motionless, looking up at him. This change in her lips did not go unnoticed, and Spock immediately thought back to Terry's reprimand.

'Kiss her.'

'Kiss him.'

'Given her culture, it is highly unlikely that she would object.'

'I'm so glad we're not on Vulcan.'

'I wonder what it would be like to kiss her.'

'He needs a good snog.'

'Her lips are fractionally larger in this instance.'

'He's so cute.'

'I wonder if she was biting them to cause this.'

'Except his hair cut. That is such an awful cut.'

'Her pupils are dilated.'

God, his eyes are so gorgeous!

'It is not difficult. A simple matter of physics and biology reacting together.'

'Just kiss me you idiot.'

"Good evening, Felicity."

"Night, Spock."

Felicity smiled wryly, turned and walked into her apartment. Sighing as she leaned against her door, Felicity thought about the evening their day. Her vacant expression lit up as she smiled, making her cheeks puffy and her eyes crinkle.

One would have thought she had been kissed by the way her body physically reacted. Endorphins, serotonin, and adrenaline all bombarded her brain.

She was happy. She was very, very happy.

Realization dawned on her suddenly and her expression turn solemn. Neither her or Spock were well equip with the social skills to profess their affection. It seemed a pity for such a strong-willed woman to be helpless in the hands of another. Felicity could not help her vision of the future. She would end up dead and alone. The brunette sighed. Terry was right.

The two of them weren't going anywhere fast.


	8. Coalescence

A year and a half. That's how long it took for Felicity and Spock to share their first kiss. Pathetic Felicity thought, looking back on it.

The day had started off normal as any other day; normal as Felicity was used to. It was a Thursday, and she had just finished with her intro to engineering class. Utterly enamored with the fact that the subject was not her major, Felicity walked back to her apartment in a reasonably good mood while contemplating the future of her life and wondering if it would be any more exiting. There were only two more months she had at the academy, before her graduation would promote her to commander. What would she do with the title?

Being on a starship was an obvious first choice, and Felicity could think of no other alternative. That was what motivated her to join Starfleet, and it was a sure chance to encounter some sort of excitement while away from home. She and Spock had, had conversations on the subject multiple times during their...courtship? Felicity was not quite sure what to call their relationship. Digressing, she thought back on Spock, saying that the dangers of the exploratory nature of Starfleet were great and he considered staying on Earth to be much more reasonable and safe.

Thinking about Spock's stubbornness made Felicity smile. He constantly bickered with her about the necessity of her safety. She viewed it as his way of being protective and caring; at least giving him the benefit of the doubt. Spending so much time arguing and studying with him only served to increase her infatuation with her pointy-eared obsession.

When not attending her classes, which no longer consisted of a frustrating Spock, or helping divert Tracie's aggravations, all of Felicity's time consisted of Terry and Spock. Of which, the three had become practically inseparable, occasionally including the cantankerous Tracie when she wasn't too exhausted to hang out.

Over the past year and a half, Spock had also taken to checking Felicity's school work to make sure it was acceptable to turn in. Felicity taught him card and drinking games which he obliged her by playing, but with water or tea. Felicity enjoyed the drinking games more than the basic card games, because at least that way she would have some fun while losing. Having a super-intelligent being for a...boyfriend?...best friend?...man...thing, whatever, certainly had its benefits as well as disadvantages.

Unfortunately, Felicity and Spock's relationship never transpired into anything truly tangible. It was hard for the small woman to tell what Spock wanted given his cool demeanor. He was quiet and observing. Often watching Felicity for hours on end whenever she was performing a task, doing homework or just reading. She wondered if this was a sign of admiration or just a Vulcan trait he had. Upon questioning him about his unusual antics, Spock merely said that she was "fascinating" and he found it odd so many emotions could transpire over a person's face so quickly during a period of time. He had no desire to hide his interest, so Felicity dismissed it as curiosity and stayed as comfortable as ever in his presence.

Her own experiences with men were few and far between herself. Not that she was totally inexperienced with flirting, she just wasn't that good at it, and trying to seduce a Vulcan would take someone with commendable skills; not her. But she stayed around him, because he intoxicated her senses so. Sometimes he was a huge ass, but then his earnest naivety always redeemed him, even in situations where Felicity wanted to hit him.

Felicity spotted her apartment getting closer and started walking faster. She needed to change out of her uniform, eat and head over to visit her boys. She needed them. Every Thursday, when Felicity finished her classes, she dropped all of her things off at her apartment, changed out of her uniform and went to meet Spock and Terry. From their dorm, Terry would proclaim that he wanted to go out, after which Spock would complain, stating that such a course of behavior would be illogical considering the classes they all had the next day. Felicity would compromise saying that they could study for a while, then go out and have only a couple drinks which would then turn into Terry and Felicity getting shitfaced and Spock having take Felicity home while Terry sneaked off with some attractive woman. It was their Thursday ritual and there was nothing that would make her miss it.

Walking into her apartment, Felicity first discarded her boots on the floor. She then waltzed into her room to leave the rest of her school books on her bed and all but tore the hot uniform off her body. She would definitely need a shower before she left.

Only dressed in her bra and underwear, Felicity walked into the living room to put some of her paints away in her art cupboard. After opening the small door, she paused and looked incredulously inside the cupboard. Laughter erupted and she fell to the floor absolutely tickled. "Haha! I just found nasal spray in the cupboard. How long has that been in there?"

Tracie called to Felicity from her room not bothering to acknowledge the inside joke. "Felicity! I need your help. I can't figure out how to use these stupid things and I need to look-up the medical charts of about 30 of my patients." Tracie sat on her bed frustratedly with several PADDs surrounding her. She sniffed as she looked at Felicity.

"Let me see." Felicity tried fiddling with the one Tracie was having particular trouble with. Sorry now that engineering was not her major, she gave up and handed it back to Tracie. "I can't figure it out, but I can get Spock to look at it this weekend."

"Ok, cause I really need to get these chars completed before Monday or Dr. Cook would kill me."

"Are you alright?"

Tracie began to lose it; big time. Her sniffing turned into wailing followed by hiccups. The scene was not abnormal either, but always discomforting for Felicity to watch. Tracie started to hyperventilate as a severely shaking hand reached for a glass of water on the nightstand. "I just want to die. My medication has been reduced again, and I am going into withdrawals." Tracie started to ball again unable to continue with her explanation for a moment.

"I hate my life. It's too hard to live. I had to fight coming into this world, I've had to struggle all throughout my life and I'll probably die struggling. I can't take dealing with all this pain anymore. I just want to rest and not have to worry about these things." Felicity's communicator beeped, notifying her of an incoming message. She quickly silenced it while continuing to talk with her friend.

"Don't talk like that. It's taken you years to get back on your feet after everything that's happened to you in life. Why give up on all that you worked so hard to achieve? You know things are going to get better. You're just having another bad day."

"And Tony, you know, my first husband called me today, and we had it out as usual. He called me every mother fucker, stupid bitch in the book, and I just don't need to deal with that right now, especially since my medication is being chaaaaaannged!" Tracie's black mascara started to run down her cheeks as she continued to cry. "And," hiccup "if it wasn't for you," hiccup "I would have nothing to," hiccup hiccup "live for."

Felicity shook her head in disagreement. "You have plenty of things to live for, not just me. Yourself, your career, your family. You're not as alone as you think, Tracie."

"You really don't need to see me like this. You can go do whatever it is you had planned. You shouldn't have to deal with me in my manic or depressive stages."

Felicity crawled over to where Tracie sat against the headboard and snuggled with her. "You're my friend, and that what friends do for each other. I'm not going to leave you when you're ill like this. You know it will pass and so do I, but until then, I'm here for you." Her communicator beeped again, and she kicked it off the bed.

Felicity stayed with Tracie until she fell asleep. It didn't take long given how much she worked during the week. Tracie's pain was not easy to handle, not for someone who loved her so much, but Felicity had become moderately desensitized by the frequency of these outbursts. Tracie was so often ill at ease that Felicity figured it best to not dwell on the evening.

There were plans at hand, and Felicity was already an hour and a half late from her usual schedule. While walking back to her room, she checked the code on her communicator. Spock. The normal smile touched her lips as she dialed back the code.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. Sorry I'm late, but Tracie was feeling pretty bad, and I was cheering her up. Give me about twenty minutes to change, and I'll be on my way over, alright?"

"Of course. Terrence and I are just discussing what we should do tonight."

"Are we not going to study, or pretend to study at least and then go out like we usually do?"

"Well. I'm not sure. Perhaps it would be best to decide once you arrive." This was not normal, but interesting none the less.

"I'll be over in just a few minutes then." Felicity turned the communicator off and ran into her bathroom.

She shaved and washed quickly before jumping out of her shower. She walked to the small closet connected to the bathroom and stared absentmindedly at her clothes. Where is my mind tonight? Shaking the thought out of her head, Felicity opted for a simple pair jeans and a low-cut blue shirt just in case the plans turned out to be less than exciting. Pulling her wet hair back, she dabbed on a small amount of cover-up and headed out the door.

Running to make up for lost time, it didn't take long for Felicity to arrive at the cadet's dormitories. She was still so glad that she and Tracie shared their own apartment. Having to live so close to students would have driven Felicity crazy. She knew this considering how much time she spent there during the week anyway.

Felicity stopped when she got to the door. The entrance code was given to her ages ago, but she still hated the idea of barging in. At least when Terry was there too. Walking in on an unsuspecting, naked Spock would not be the worst thing in the world to encounter. Felicity then wondered if he ever even got naked. 'Probably. Well of course he would have to in order to change his clothes. Focus, Felicity!'

Buzzing the bell, Felicity waited to be let in. The door swiftly opened to reveal a disgruntled Terry.

"You know we gave you that code for a reason."

"I like to see you doing a little work now and again, Terry." He grumbled an unintelligible response and moved aside to let her pass. When she walked in, Felicity saw Spock sitting at his desk, as normal. He sat motionless on his chair concentrating on the screen of his computer before sighing and powering it down. After doing so, he turned to Felicity and spoke.

"Are you ready to depart? Terry is quite eager to leave."

"I thought you said that we may not be going."

"No. I said we were deciding. I suggested to wait until you arrived, but Terry already made up his mind about what he wanted to do and is getting very restless." Spock turned to look pointedly at his roommate. "Though he could go out any other night if you would prefer the three of us to stay in tonight." If looks could kill, the one Terry had for Spock would have vaporized him.

Teasing. Teasing was still quite normal despite the weird circumstances. Felicity was at an absolute loss for words. Trying to understand the silent battle between the two stubborn men, she decided to just wait it out until Terry got far too excited to withhold his information and spilled his guts to her.

"I'm ready."

Spock and Terry both stood immediately

"Where are we going?" asked Felicity.

Terry answered her curtly. "To the same bar as usual. The one that annoys Spock the most."

The three musketeers left the dorm and made their normal way to their normal bar.

Terry had left her side the moment they were in sight of the bar. She looked at Spock who mysteriously replied that "Terrence is meeting a very important acquaintance". Felicity wondered what had been so important to depart from his friends so quickly.

This was when realization hit her. It was only a few more months of the academy, and yes she wanted an exciting future, one filled with lots of stories to regale her children with when she was older. She wanted to get off the planet; to be on a starship, but what would that do to her support system? It was very unlikely that she, Terry and Spock would all be assigned the same starship and live happily ever after with Tracie in tow. These could be the last weeks all of them would be together. Ever. The sudden urgency caused Felicity some anxiety, and she wanted Terry back to be able to savor their small amount of time left with him.

Felicity nursed the few drinks she had. No driving desire to get drunk filled her, and she sat contemplative and worried.

"You don't seem like you are enjoying yourself tonight. Do you wish to leave, Felicity?" Spock spoke quite loudly in her ear to be heard over the music. The sound of his voice sent shivers down Felicity's spine; as normal. It was a sound that she could never get used to, and the way that it made her whole body melt was absolutely undignified.

Something deep inside of her stirred. Her body's responses were triggered, and Felicity reserved herself from the present situation and thought far, far back, opening the the farthest doors from her mind. 'How long has it been since I have had sex? About two years, I'd say. Wow, how pathetic.'

Not to say Felicity hadn't had an orgasm in two years, just not sex with another human being; or any being for that matter. 'I think it's due time to break that record. But who to do it with? There are a lot of possibilities. What about that Betazoid over there? I hear they're excellent lovers. I wonder if there are any Orions in this bar? God I wish there were, because I don't even care if I get a thorough lover. A good fuck would be perfectly acceptable. Oh look, Terry's here. He's too much of a friend to consider him as a choice. I wonder what he's doing here? Maybe looking for the same thing I am...'

Felicity closed her eyes and thought about the sensation. A smile touched her lips. Forgetting about the bar she was in, forgetting about her worries of the future, forgetting about Tracie, Felicity sat at her table completely unaware of anything not related to sex.

"Felicity?"

The voice brought the woman back into a reality she forgot existed. Her eyes were on fire as she turned her head to look at the Vulcan companion she had also forgotten. Felicity wasn't sure if he could be considered a Vulcan anymore, because all he was to her was a target.

"Spock." was all she breathed.

"Do you wish to leave?" His brow was furrowed as he looked at her.

"Yes."

Spock lifted one of his previously furrowed brows and stated, "Then let's go. I presume Terrence will be able to take care of himself as usual."

Spock walked her home, as was normal. What was not normal was the deafening silence cast over them. Felicity was trying to make sense of the day. Even considering all of the norms she had encountered, it was not a usual day. There were obvious disturbances and things that she could not comprehend. The day seemed like an ending to a chapter. Inevitable but not necessarily anticipated.

"Why do you bother spending so much of your time with me?" Spock spoke so suddenly that Felicity actually jumped.

Trying to understand the seriousness of the unusual question, Felicity stood motionless. Unable to create a reason for why he would be asking her at the moment when she felt so wrong, she answered simply. "Your presence calms me. Not that I could be that calm in any circumstance, ever. I adore our conversations, and...find you fascinating. Why?"

"Another curiosity. I'm sorry for startling you."

Felicity shook her head. "It's fine." Spock turned to continue his walking, but she did not have the same intentions. "Well? You answer it for me now. Why do you bother spending so much of your time with me?"

Spock was silent just as Felicity had been while contemplating the most appropriate answer. "I think it would be safe to say that you force yourself on me. Always have and probably, considering the previous data, always will. Not that I would want you to leave. I just..." this was where he faltered. Very unusual for Spock, as he struggled for the right words to use. "I cannot comprehend why you would not find someone more expressive to hold your interests."

The blatant recognition of their intimate relationship took Felicity off guard. She had only ever thought Spock as having an unnatural tolerance for her as the months passed. Absolutely no sign of affection, then out of the blue, he questions her judgment for staying around him. 'Or is he rejecting me?' Maybe I was too stupid to notice any indications he gave me and is now dismissing me.

"What?"

Spock's face looked guilty in the moonlight and reflecting walkway lamps. "I was merely questioning your reasoning. Why would such a passionate woman spend her time futilely around a Vulcan?"

The dormant temper in Felicity started to flare. "Because I like being around you. If it's such a problem, you could have let me know and-" Spock held up his hand to stop her.

"I do not think it is a problem. As I said, it was mere curiosity. Now please, I need to get you home so you will not use your lack of sleep for an excuse as to why you don't go to school tomorrow."

Completing their journey not much longer after the random conversation, Felicity was suddenly anxious again. The emptiness returned, and she did not want to be alone that night. But Spock never stayed over, and she was sure that he would object again tonight.

Not even bothering to say goodbye to him before she opened the door, Felicity punched her code to get inside. She was about to walk into her apartment when Spock asked her, "Perhaps you will let me stay with you this evening. You seem far too distraught for me to feel comfortable leaving you alone."

She needed to be close to him that instant. She needed to feel him, make sure he was real. She wanted him for her own. She needed to be a part of him.

Felicity swung around on her doorstep and reached for Spock before she hurdled herself into his body. Her own lips desperately found his.

***

One year, seven months, three days, six hours and forty eight minutes was the expanse of time from when Spock and Felicity first met until they first kissed. Highly inefficient Spock considered while contemplating the duration.

It had been such an odd day in retrospect, Spock was not entirely surprised that the event occurred.

Spock kept the surveillance of his experimental relationship with Felicity under monitored control. He was constantly observing and judging her facial expressions and behaviors. He was often surprised by her forwardness when lounging around in a blouse and shorts, taking showers at his and Terry's dorm or taking naps on his bed. Not that Spock considered any of these actions wrong; they were just different. He enjoyed the level of intimacy on which Felicity, Terry and himself operated.

While on Earth one year, nine months, twenty four days, three hours and thirty six minutes, Spock had noticeably improved his communication skills with humans. He could initiate conversations as well as navigate them quite well, but there were always times that made his feel as if he still could not fit in. That was when he appreciated having Felicity and Terry.

Spock's attention drifted from his advanced phonology homework as he thought about Felicity. 'My lack of concentration tonight is very odd.'

Spock had found her absolutely fascinating. He often watched her, observing her petite body as she moved and adjusted herself. He particularly enjoyed when she was laying on her stomach, on his bed reading a book. The way her whole body, especially her bottom, tensed when she read a thrilling part in her book was mesmerizing. It was such a finely shaped asset. Full and round, but tight and hard. Just the thought of it made him briefly forget what he was doing at any point during the day.

He heeded his mother's advice about the relationship and continued to explore his disposition toward Felicity. The thought of T'Pring was constantly at the back of his thoughts, and Spock wondered how he would go about divorcing her if he indeed chose to stay with Felicity. Spock had not seen T'Pring in almost twenty years, and she was shrouded in mystery while Felicity he saw every day and was committed on giving him honesty and advice even if he did not ask for it. On a personal level, Spock knew Felicity much better and felt she would be a much more logical choice as a mate. 'How much more convoluted can I make my logic? There is nothing logical about my feelings for Felicity.'

Terry came into the dorm looking weary and brought Spock from his thoughts.

"I assume that you will be wanting to go out tonight?"

Terry laid face-down on the bed landing his head in the pillow. His answer was muffled due to the position. "Not really. I might just sleep instead." His lack of enthusiasm was most odd and bothered Spock. Terry turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "What is it like for you, Spock? Being in love with Felicity and not having it in yourself to tell her? When you're around her, don't you want to just get musical with roller skates on some Broadway play?"

Spock went from confusion to slight embarrassment to being dumbfounded. "What?"

Terry sat up frustrated. "Don't you ever feel like singing when you're around Felicity, or like you can hardly breathe?"

"I do not sing nor do I feel any implications towards my respiratory system when I am around her. There would be no logical explanation why my breathing would be impaired." The blonde huffed and closed his eyes. The look on his face did reflected how Spock felt inside when being around Felicity. 'Tormented would be a good adjective. Helpless could also suffice.' Seeing his friend in such a state caused him to let slip a tiny part of his feelings and true self. "I do have a small odd feeling in my stomach while also being oppositely calm when she is near."

"Ha! I knew you were more human than you let on!"

"There is no need to insult me, Terrence."

Terry jumped off his bed and paced around the room. "I don't even know what to do. I know how to pick up girls, but this one...I can't even think around her. How can I be expected to chat her up when I can't even think of the English language? And!...she's so smart, she's a computer consultant engineer like me! That's where we met, in my advanced computer topography class. She sits next to me." Terry's look turned dazed as he quit pacing and sat on the edge of his bed again. "Her name is Keira."

"And you have not spoken to this woman?"

"No."

"Hypocrite."

Terry turned his head slowly and glared at Spock. "What did you just call me?"

The Vulcan continued not in anyway distressed about his irate roommate. "A hypocrite. You criticized me for not talking with humans, so to please you and become more skilled in your ways of conversation, I did. I then met Felicity, and you did and still do criticize the slow rate at which our relationship progresses. But you neither initiate a conversation or relationship with this woman you have apparently been pining over. You, sir, are a hypocrite."

Terry's shoulders sagged in defeat. "You're right. You're absolutely right. Fuck! What should I do?"

Spock assumed the question to be rhetorical given that he would have no plausible idea in mind to attain the affections of a woman. He considered himself quite lucky to have the unwavering attention of the woman he care about without having to put much effort into enticing her. She just kind of happened. And while she never affirmed their status as one of courting, Spock was sure that human acquaintances did not operate on such intimate terms.

Felicity often touched Spock. Not inappropriately but very deliberate and gentle. She would often brush against his arm, lean against him or would tuck her hand into his elbow when they walked, making his gait feel odd and slow. It was a trait that was absent in his culture save for connected couples, and so the Vulcan felt uncomfortable reciprocating the feather-light caresses, but he was also conflicted since he did not want to disappoint her. So Spock opted for touching her as little as possible to prevent himself embarrassment from the lack of experience, and because he was unsure about his telepathic abilities and how they would affect her. In his experience, he found that simple touches did not allude to anything that was in Felicity's mind.

His lack of initiating physical contact did not stop Felicity from cuddling against him when she read. He didn't dislike her actions at all either, and would rather have her set the boundaries for him to learn.

Thinking about the evenings when they were alone, Spock smiled. He would often be sitting on his bed with his back to the wall, and Felicity would nestle her way between his legs and rest against his chest. The first time she had ever done it, Spock was unsure about how to address the position, but she seemed oblivious giving all her attention to her PADD. After overcoming the initial surprise, he realized how perfect her body felt against his.

"I know what I'll do!" Terry's epiphany woke Spock violently from his thoughts again. "She has an engineering and flight simulation class that should be over soon. I overheard her talking about it with a friend. I could go and meet her outside the class and invite her to go out with us tonight!" Without the need for confirmation, Terry ran from the dorm.

The time was 1930 hours and Spock had not heard from Felicity. She usually called him between six thirteen and six twenty eight. Her tardiness did not bother him much, since the sooner she arrived meant the sooner they would be going out to a bar.

It was Terry's insistence that forced him to try and contact her. "Spock! I cannot be late for Keira. I told her eight, and if I'm late, she'll probably never speak to me again!"

"Doubtful, Terrence. From your recall of the conversation you had with her, she seems too enthusiastic to petition talking to you."

"Just call Felicity again."

Spock dialed the code into his communicator, but again receive no response. "Perhaps she is busy."

"Well I'm not going to wait around for her. This is probably going to be the most important night of my life."

"Wait fifteen minutes, if she does not call by then, you can leave." Spock decided to return his attention to the advanced phonology homework.

While reading through the directions to one assignment, Terry caught his attention. The blonde was sitting on the very edge of his bed, immobile. The color was drained from his face and he seemed to be hyperventilating. Spock was about to ask if he needed medical assistance when his communicator beeped. He picked up the device and spoke. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. Sorry I'm late, but Tracie was feeling pretty bad, and I was cheering her up. Give me about twenty minutes to change, and I'll be on my way over, alright?" 'She sounds upset.'

"Of course. Terrence and I were just discussing what we should do tonight."

"Are we not going to study, or pretend to study at least and then go out like we usually do?"

"Well. I'm not sure." Spock glanced at Terry who was staring at the communicator as if wishing it would blow up. "Perhaps it would be best to decide once you arrive."

"I'll be over in just a few minutes then."

"Twenty minutes!" groaned Terry. "I'll be late. I need to leave now."

"Is your evening with this woman so important that you are going to ignore Felicity and even leave before she arrives?" Spock raised an eyebrow at him frustratedly.

"You don't understand, Spock. For you, your best friend and girlfriend are the same person. You don't have to divide your time between the two. I'm not you, my whole world doesn't revolve around Felicity."

"I have many things that require my attention, Terrence, not just Felicity. Also, I do not think she considers herself to be my girlfriend. She has never brought the title up in any of our conversations."

"Well of course she's doesn't think she's your girlfriend. You never kiss her or anything! She's probably going to give up on you soon if you don't start showing more interest in her. Jesus Spock, for being such a logical and intelligent race, you really are shit at understanding the need for affection. You don't even hardly touch her, and when you do, you look like you're in pain! I'd hate to be your girlfriend." 'Terrence's hostility is also very odd.'

Spock did not bother to speak to Terry again while they waited for Felicity. He knew it would be a futile battle of wit and agitation. Every few minutes Terry would stand and pace around the room, open his mouth while considering to say something to Spock, and then would sit back down on the edge of his bed.

After exactly 24 minutes, the bell sounded notifying them there was someone at the door.

Terry stood while complaining to no one. "What the hell is she doing? She knows the code, so why can't she just come in?" He pressed the button opening the door for a winded Felicity. "You know we gave you that code for a reason."

She seemed taken aback by his response but smiled anyway. "I like to see you doing a little work now and again, Terry."

Spock was taking his time powering down his computer as Felicity walked in. Terry's attitude, especially toward her displeased him to no end, and so, passive aggressively, he took his time readying himself.

When Spock felt that enough wasted time had passed for turning his computer off, he turned to Felicity and spoke. "Are you ready to depart? Terry is quite eager to leave."

"I thought you said that we may not be going." Felicity looked at him confused and tired. He wanted nothing more than to stay at his dorm and read with her that night.

"No. I said we were deciding. I suggested to wait until you arrived, but Terry already made up his mind about what he wanted to do and is getting very restless." Spock decided to take another stab at Terry. "Though he could go out any other night if you would prefer the three of us to stay in tonight."

The tension in the room made Felicity seem uncomfortable. "I'm ready." she shrugged.

Spock stood and walked to her side.

"Where are we going?" she asked looking up at him.

Terry answered her curtly. "To the same bar as usual. The one that annoys Spock the most."

While on their way to the bar, Terry's patience ran out, and he sprinted across the street leaving Spock and Felicity in his dust. This tactic caused Spock to be very frustrated with the man, and he decided that he would find the man while in the bar and lecture him about the merits of courtesy.

Felicity gazed up at Spock with her curious eyes and asked him about their friend's actions, to which he tersely responded. "Terrence is meeting a very important acquaintance." Felicity nodded and turned away looking distant. Spock considered taking her home since he was sure that neither of them wanted to go to the bar, but he decided to let Felicity make that decision.

When they got to their destination, Felicity left to get herself a drink while Spock scanned the room for Terry. He spotted him in a desolate corner of the bar with three women. Spock assumed that the woman Terry was mooning over was Keira. Tall with auburn hair and a wide smile, Spock could understand how the precise symmetry of her body was pleasing to Terry. The women with her were both very different from her. One, was a slim African American woman, and the other, a flaming, red-haired Orion. 'Very odd company to keep.'

Spock decided not to bother Terry wishing to remain a decent friend, but he would keep an eye on him making sure he didn't get out of control. Navigating his way through the sea of people, Spock finally joined Felicity at a small table. She had a margarita in hand, and pushed to him a glass of water.

The two of them didn't talk much. Neither with anything significant to say, and both with their minds on other things. The silence...in this context it would be referring to their lack of conversation since the bar itself was actually quite loud...did not make either one them feel uncomfortable. They often sat together without speaking, and found it quite relaxing to be in the company of the other without having to create constant chatter.

After sitting together for some time, Spock noticed that Felicity had only consumed one drink to Terry's five.

"You don't seem like you are enjoying yourself tonight. Do you wish to leave?"

The woman did not seem to hear him. She seemed lost, looking at nothing but seeing everything. He could not connect her look with an emotion to understand what would be going on in her mind. Spock decided to try and rouse her again. "Felicity?"

She looked at him with a start. "Spock." He could not hear her say his name, it was too loud, but he watched her lips move to say it.

"Do you wish to leave?" She looked at him as if his suggestion was the best she had ever heard.

"Yes."

"Then let's go. I presume Terrence will be able to take care of himself as usual." He eyed the quartet in the corner who still seemed to be enjoying themselves then turned and left.

Felicity's unbroken silence on the way back to her apartment disturbed Spock. She seemed very melancholy, and her lack of talking was very odd. The desperation that revolved around her was almost tangible, and Spock wanted to ask her what had her so upset, but considered it a rude question to ask. He wanted some way to stop the silence; to get her to talk to him.

"Why do you bother spending so much of your time with me?" It was the best question he could think of, and in a way meaningful. Her answer would be vital for any future contact he wished to possibly advance further.

He could tell that she wasn't expecting him to communicate with her from her startled expression. "Your presence calms me. Not that I could be that calm in any circumstance, ever. I adore our conversations, and...find you fascinating. Why?"

"Another curiosity. I'm sorry for startling you." Spock turned continuing forward quite pleased with the response he was given, but he realized that Felicity was not following.

"It's fine." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Well? You answer it for me now. Why do you bother spending so much of your time with me?"

Spock paused and considered the question himself. He opted for an answer with an underlying teasing connotation. "I think it would be safe to say that you force yourself on me. Always have and probably, considering the previous data, always will. Not that I would want you to leave. I just...I cannot comprehend why you would not find someone more expressive to hold your interests."

"What?"

His answer seemed less and less light-hearted the longer it was out of his mouth. "I was merely questioning your reasoning. Why would such a passionate woman spend her time futilely around a Vulcan?"

Felicity scowled at him when she retorted. "Because I like being around you. If it's such a problem, you could have let me know and-"

"I do not think it is a problem. As I said, it was mere curiosity. Now please, I need to get you home so you will not use your lack of sleep for an excuse of why you do not go to school tomorrow."

They trudged onward to Felicity's apartment. Her, silent and foreboding as ever, and him, conceiving of a way to become closer to her. Spock felt he was in a way responsible for her sour mood, especially considering his previous questions. He tried to think of a way to comfort her to apologize for his lack of empathy.

When they arrived, Spock waited for Felicity to bid him goodnight, but she did not. He was positive that if he did not say anything to her, she would walk into her apartment and not say another word to him the rest of the night; possibly for a while, and he did not want to lose her presence in his life.

"Perhaps you will let me stay with you this evening. You seem far too distraught for me to feel comfortable leaving you alone."

Spock watched Felicity as she turned quickly, her face was furious with a type of anguish. His back tensed as she grabbed fistfuls of his Starfleet-issued black shirt, and he ceased his singular existence when she crushed her lips and body against his.

***

His long, lean body was hard against her own. She was euphoric. High. Her body seemed to no longer have demands. She did not need to breathe, to eat, to sleep to even exist. When he pressed his lips back against her own, she wanted nothing else in like.

Her body was so soft yet strong and demanding. His logic could not withstand the immediate rush of sensations his body was having and removed itself from his mind. His brain could only register physical perceptions, and just about Felicity; he no longer knew anything about the environment around him. Her lips were soft, and they smelled and tasted like mint from her lip balm.

Being so close to him caused her to inhale a good whiff of him. He smelled clean and different. Not musky like a human, and the scent drugged her even more. … Her pheromones filled the air, and they were obvious as his lungs forced him to breathe. Becoming adjusted, he started to consider the implications of their actions and lightly pushed her hips away. … His sudden movement made her body more urgent. She needed to be closer. She needed to mess up his perfect hair. … The fingers roughly massaging his scalp was another loss on the side of his logic. His body tingled with sensations as his hair became chaos. … She began to have the familiar burning between her legs. It was something she could not ignore in her present state, and she forced herself to pull away from him for a second.

"I need you." Felicity's eyes were half closed and her breathing was hard. The words brought back an awareness of her person.

The breaking of their contact allowed Spock's logic to slowly return, but it could not formulate a proper response to her, so he simply stared.

Felicity pulled him by the hand over the threshold and into her bedroom where she continued her assault. The realization of her intentions slapped Spock in the face, and he firmly but gently pushed her away holding her at an arm's length away.

"Felicity, stop."

"Make love to me, Spock."

"I cannot."

"Why?"

"It is...improper."

"But I want you." Felicity still did not understand what Spock was trying to tell her.

"You may in time, but not tonight."

She looked at him confused trying to make sense of the situation. "You said you wanted to stay with me."

"Just to stay with you, not to engage in fellatio. I thought my presence would soothe your blatant agitation, as it usually does."

Felicity closed her eyes and took a step back from him. "Of course. I'm so sorry." Her hands covered her face as she continued to back away.

"There is no need to apologize." Spock felt something he could not place. Shame? Embarrassment? He was not sure, but it was definitely something that did not feel good. Under the circumstances, he was not sure why it was present either.

"I just don't know what I have been feeling lately. I'm sorry, I just..." Felicity was unable to find the right words to finish. There wasn't anything that could describe the way she was feeling.

Spock stepped forward tentatively until he stood in front of her. "As I have said Felicity, there is no reason to apologize. Nothing happened that would lead to regret." His words sounded cold even to him. He could feel pain from them, as if the pain was almost tangible. Was he completely incapable of wooing Felicity?

She stood with a wry smile unable to speak. 'What a sorry fool I am.'

If her lips had moved Spock would have been sure that she had said it out loud, but they did not, and he suddenly understood the reason for the sensations he was having. They were her's. He was sure that the intensity of their physical contact had initiated the Vulcan, telepathic tendencies he had. Everything that Felicity was feeling Spock now felt, and he felt horrible.

Spock pulled Felicity to him in an attempt to imitate a common human action. A hug. He began to feel calm, and debated with himself if he should tell her about the change. His earnestness won. "Felicity, you are not a fool. You are fully aware of that, and I would never call you such a name."

The randomness of his comment threw her. "What are you talking about, Spock? You didn't call me a fool."

"I heard you think it."

It was as simple as that, Felicity concluded. "What? Are you saying you initiated some sort of mind meld with me?"

"Not specifically a mind meld. I would not do so without your permission. I'm sure what I'm feeling and hearing is a result of my touch telepathy. I cannot see directly into your mind or any memories you have, I only feel your emotions and can hear your intense thoughts."

Felicity closed her eyes again. Not only did she jump on a non-willing Spock, but now he has to hear her bullshit. Her evening was getting worse and worse. "Will it stop?"

"I could not say for certain, but please do not regret your actions. I am opposed to neither and do not want you or myself to feel this guilt."

"I can't hear anything you think. Does it affect me at all?" Felicity looked up at him.

"Again, I cannot say for certain." Spock watched her as regret washed over him. To take her mind off it, he decided a distraction would be the most logical course of action. Lowering his lips to her own, he regained her attention.

After an indeterminable amount of time, Felicity pulled away from him and spoke quietly. "I'm so sorry. I did think that...well, I wasn't thinking at all."

Spock ran his thumb against her cheek as he stared into her eyes willing her to relax. "Think no more on it. At least now I can hear your arguments before you present them, giving me the advantage. Maybe with this knew form of intellectual warfare, you will not argue so much with me."

Felicity smiled and kissed his collar bone, since that's all she could reach. Standing on her toes, she began to kiss up his neck, adoring the ability to touch him without the thought of consequence. Spock bent his head down for her to have better access to him. He considered their coalescence quite logical, since he no longer needed to worry about touching her.

"Let us go to bed before it gets too late. I can feel that you are very tired." he said after a moment of weakness. She had started to nibble on his ears, and the sensitivity of the skin, sensual nature of her actions, and apparent arousal of them both made him speak.

Felicity simply nodded her agreement and grabbed clothes to change into.


	9. Flotsam

Felicity slept hard and deep. She did not dream. No alarm woke her up. She just woke when her body willed it. Gaining consciousness even before opening her eyes, she immediately did not want to get up. Her bed was soft and cozy, and she could hear the pattering of rain outside. The perfect setting for a stay-home day.

Stretching out her legs, her foot kicked something hard. A kneecap to be precise. Felicity sighed tiredly and opened her sleep filled eyes. The first thing she looked at was her chronometer; it was passed eleven. She then turned to look at Spock who was watching her wake up. A photo album of her's was in his hands and he appeared guilty as he set it aside.

"Whaareyudoim?"

"I decided to let you sleep through class, and figured it would be best to stay until you woke. I didn't want you to wake up alone, so I have been biding my time for the past five hours looking at your pictures and carefully observing your art."

"Yu...ben up fo...five hours."

"Yes."

"Fuck."

After wiping the sleep from her eyes, Felicity smiled sleepily as she sat up. She leaned against his chest and hesitated unsure if he would push her away from him again. Her inner conqueror vanquished any worries she had, and their lips met once again. She waited for him to pull back, but Spock was more than willing to participate. He pulled Felicity closer to him, hugging her against his chest.

She could have easily spent the rest of the day kissing him, but there were things that needed tending to and homework that need to be done. Regretfully, she pulled away. Feeling her lean away, Spock loosened his arms from around her. He painstakingly watched every move she made and committed it all to memory for later use. Watching as she lifted her hand to his face and caressed his ear with her thumb, he began to relax and tried to reach into her mind.

Spock could not understand any thoughts she directly had. This discovery proved his assumption that the connection would fade, but it was still not completely gone. He felt her contentment and used it as a justification for not going to class, especially since he could easily redo the assignments they had missed from their classes.

Felicity covered her mouth with her hand as she spoke. "I'm surprised you didn't go to your class."

"I wanted to stay. Why are you covering your mouth?"

"I have horrible morning breath." Felicity made a face and got out of bed to brush her teeth. After lathering her teeth and having foam drip down her chin, she continued her conversation with Spock. "Ooo yoo tink Terry ga ome aright?" The sight of her genuinely curious look combined with the almost unintelligible question and toothpaste covering her face was almost enough to make Spock laugh out loud. Almost.

"I am not positive that he went back to our dorm, but I think it's safe to assume he would be in good spirits today."

"Ayi? He teemed-" Felicity stopped and held up a finger. After rinsing her mouth and face properly, she exited the bathroom and returned to the bed sitting in front of Spock. "Why was he so edgy yesterday? He seemed like he was mad at me for something."

"He asked the girl he had been pining over for some unknown amount of time to come out with us. We took too long to in getting to the bar, and I suppose that is why he left us."

"Well that's adorable. I'm glad that Terry finally got together with a girl he truly liked."

"That did seem to be the theme for the evening."

Felicity smiled, truly and very happy but not completely at ease. She still felt like a fool for last night and a small voice in the back of her mind partially blamed him for not wanting her. Was there something wrong with her? A year and a half should have been sufficient time to wait. Thinking about the previous night brought up another perturbation.

"Can you hear my thoughts still?"

"No." Felicity exhaled, "I think the connection was too brief. I can still feel what you feel but not as vividly. It appears to work in direct correlation with the intensity of your own feelings."

"And what am I feeling now?" Her smile became impish as she looked up at him.

Spock deduced that it would be an appropriate time to tease her. He tested his theory. "Uncomfortable and angry. You wish I would leave."

Felicity considered his words wondering if her body was subconsciously presenting her earlier notions to him. Her worried expression made Spock realize that he would never be able to 'joke' properly...or that Felicity was helplessly gullible. His kiss ended her worries and her cognitive thoughts all together.

"I am happy if you must know."

"I know. I can feel it."

"Does it bother you?"

"No. It is not intense enough for there to be any implications on my logic, and I do not mind having the advantage of knowing what you are feeling."

"Good. When I'm PMS-ing then you'll feel it and know to stay the hell away from me."

"I already know when your cycle occurs without requiring your emotions."

"Do you stalk me and mark it on your calendar? It's a little odd for you to have that sort of thing committed to memory."

"You tell Terry or myself or make references to your bleeding about three times a day for every day you are experiencing it. Some comments are more outlandish and improper causing them to be committed to memory easier."

"Do I really talk about it that much?"

"Yes."

"That's kinda awkward. I never realized how much I really talked about my period. Did your mother ever talk about her period with you?" Spock's normally placid face turned incredulous at her question, making Felicity quickly remedy her untoward mouth. "Sorry. Not appropriate for normal conversation. Got it now." Talking about such things was fully in her liberty, and she knew Spock would not protest her conversations, but to ask such personal questions from him and expect him to answer was an obvious cultural fallacy.

Opting for a different conversation, Felicity spoke while running her right hand down the Vulcan's hard chest. "What do you have to do today?"

"I will acquire the missed assignments from today and begin working at completing them. I have nothing else planned. Did you want to do anything later this evening?" He was not eager, just curious.

"I'm not sure. I really need to go to the library to study and work on all the homework I've been putting off. After that, Tracie and I are supposedly going for a walk for her to try and lose some weight. We'll see if she gets up enough gumption to do that. Oh, can you fix one of her PADDs? I think it's broken, and neither of us are good at doing tech support. Then, I'm not sure, but it will probably have something to do with you. It always does."

"Not always...but often."

"Ugh, whatever." Felicity lost interest in their conversation and wanted to test her decently good luck and leaned over to kiss him again. She balanced herself with one hand on his leg and used the other to secure the back of his head. Deepening the kiss was cause for her body to be set on fire by arousal, but just as she was about to sit in his lap and have her way with his lips, Spock firmly grabbed her waist and pushed her away.

Dramatically, she huffed and fell backward on the bed. "You can't be so sexy and not allow me to ravish you."

"I cannot change how I look, Felicity."

"Nor would I want you to." Felicity sighed, incredibly frustrated. "I'm going to get ready since nothing is happening here." Skillfully rolling off the bed and skipping to her closet on the opposite side of the bathroom, she felt light and playful. This was going to take a while, she could tell, but it would be worth it.

Not making it completely past the door frame of the bathroom without ramming her shoulder into it made Felicity lose some of her cool and brought her down to a walk.

"Damn it..."

************************************************************************

Felicity bid Spock farewell and made her way around the academy campus. The sun was still not yet out, but the rain had stopped. He was on his way to the classes they both missed. Spock knew her professor and offered to imply to him that she had been ill that morning preventing her from getting out of the bed.

Her goal was the library; always being able to study better in scholastic, quiet settings and needing to study for upcoming tests. Some of which were her last test before finals. On the way to the library though, she detoured her mission upon seeing someone of great importance to her daily gossip.

"Terry! How'd your evening go?! I heard you had a hot date and that's why you were an asshole to us last night!" She ran to catch up to him.

Terry stopped walking and turned at the sound of his name. Seeing Felicity practically flying in his direction gave him a good idea of what he would be in for. She would want to know all about last night, and why he wasn't with her and Spock. Not that he didn't find them interesting, but they were their own couple and he really needed a woman of his own. Felicity slowed, to not run into him, when she got near and glowed with excitement.

"Did Spock use those exact words?" he asked wryly.

"No, but I'm sure he wanted to." Felicity shrugged. "So..."

Terry gave in and smiled so big his eyes almost closed. "It was amazing! Her name is Keira, and she is everything, everything I have ever wanted."

Felicity squealed, a very uncustomary sound for her, and was bouncing in some perpetual state of exhilaration "Tell me ALL about it."

"Walk with me. I'm on my way to meet up with her right now." They began walking Terry's previous route.

"So what does she do? Is she a student?"

"Yes. She's in our year, but she's 24, two years younger than us, and her major is the same as mine, computer engineering. She focuses on programs that are specifically related to the warp drive and regulate the coolant for the warp coils. It's a little different from what I do but really interesting. And guess what... She's already assigned to the U.S.S. Liberty! We don't graduate for another two months and she already has an assignment! Absolutely brilliant and beautiful. I don't know how I have lived without her for so long. I think I'm going to put in a request to be on the U.S.S. Liberty with her."

"But I thought your ambitions were for the U.S.S. Explorer. You wanted to do all the research that ship would be a part of. Advancing computer functions and comparisons to other technologies? What happened to all of that?"

"That is not what ship Keira will be on, so I don't want to be on it anymore."

Felicity shook her head and said offhandedly, "God, I hope I get a good assignment."

"I got the feeling you were going to stay here after you graduated."

The incredulous statement of her wanting to stay somewhere absolutely boring locked her joints causing her to stop and stare at Terry aghast. "What made you think that?"

"Spock was talking about staying here, and I figured you two would just stay together doing whatever you're doing so you could be together. He hasn't talked to you about either of you want to do after graduation?"

"No. Not at all. He hasn't mentioned anything like that to me."

"Hmmm. That's odd." Terry continued walking quickly not bothering to turn around to make sure she was following him. "How did your evening go?"

"Spock stayed the night."

It was Terry's turn to stop. "You had sex with him!?"

"No! I said he stayed the night. We slept in the same bed. I wanted sex, but alas, I have a Vulcan for a boyfriend...thing."

"So nothing exciting happened?"

"What do you mean? That is exciting. He never stays the night, because it's too 'improper'. We did kiss though."

"Kiss?" Terry looked at Felicity condescendingly.

She stuck her nose back up at him in response. "Yes. A lot."

"Well that's good, I guess." They started to walk again, but this time both were silent for some time. Terry thought about his Helen of Troy and Felicity thought about her more boring than an Englishman, Vulcan.

"Why are you not excited about this, Terry?" Felicity yelled at him after some thought. "We had a major breakthrough last night. It's not my fault that my love interest is boring by your standards."

Terry didn't hear a word she said. His eyes were fixed on a beautiful woman walking out of the engineering building. "There she is! Those are her friends standing with her. They were at the bar last night."

"I haven't seen them before."

"It's their first year here. The black girl is Nyota and the green girl is Gaila."

Felicity chuckled at his lack of political correctness. That was one reason why they always got along great. No political tiptoe-ing with either of them. "Fascinating." she said sarcastically.

Terry didn't waste his time with looking at her when he responded. "Shit, now you're even starting to sound like Spock."

"Am not!" she said indignant.

"Keira!" The blonde waived frantically after which the three women detoured over to him and Felicity.

"Hi, Terrence." said the brunette in a melodic voice. She had beautiful, silky-straight hair to her shoulders, full lips and wide eyes. Her body was to die for too. Tall and thin and soft with ample curves in all the right places. The short, stout Felicity felt envious for only a brief moment, but then immediately felt victorious, because the brunette had a small stain on her shirt and Felicity in all her obsessive compulsive glory would never let such a thing adorn her own body.

"Haha. Someone else calls you Terrence too!" Felicity laughed out loud at her friend. He glared at her in response but turned away to introduce them all.

Felicity thought that Keira was some god-like creature with how perfect she was; considered Nyota to be nice but slightly pushy and arrogant; Gaila was an Orion, so she naturally was best skilled at sex and that showed in her rudimentary conversation.

"So, like what is your major?" The redheaded Orion asked Felicity. What a boring question.

"Security and investigations."

Nyota replied that time. "My friend is doing that. She thinks it's really interesting. Gaila and I are communications majors. Well, I am at least. She's mainly here for the men." Felicity nodded wishing Terry would say something so she would not have to endure another awkward silence with nothing to say. She looked up at him, but he was staring helplessly into Keira's hypnotically blue eyes. The brunette tore her gaze from him and looked at Felicity.

"Would you like to go to dinner with us tomorrow?" Her smile was sincere. Felicity liked how this woman operated. Short, concise sentences with no small talk bullshit.

"Tomorrow I really have to study for some tests I have next week, but next Saturday I am free, if you would like to still go out then."

Keira nodded her head in agreement. "That sounds good. I'm, sure Nyota and Gaila could give up another evening of heavy drinking to come out with us." She turned on the others accusingly.

Felicity agreed with her. "That sounds cool. I'll talk to Terry about it and when and where we should meet, but I really need to get to the library. There's still a lot of work for me to do." She thanked whatever god was available for the segway allowing her to leave.

Just before she could get out of talking range, Nyota called out to her. "Oh Felicity, while you're walking that way, could you throw this away for me?" The mocha colored woman held out a crumpled piece of paper.

Felicity's shoulders tensed and she could sense a panic attack coming. Regarding the paper with the utmost disdain, she replied, "Uhhhhhhhhh...no."

"Why?" A confused Nyota didn't lower her hand holding the paper. "It's just a doodle I was making while I was bored in class. There's nothing against regulation on it, and I figured that since you were walking right by that trash can over there that you could throw it away for me."

Holding up her hands as if at point blank range of a phaser, Felicity shook her head. "It's trash. I don't touch trash. Even my own. Once I unwrap a candy or something, that wrapper has to immediately leave my hand, or I have a panic attack."

Lowering her hand, Nyota stared at her as if she were crazy, which was a genuine possibility. Gaila was the first one to speak breaking the awkward silence. "Are you serious?"

"Mmm. Ya." Felicity turned to Nyota. "Sorry, I can't throw it away for you. We'll get together next week though." Turning, she left as quickly as her feet allowed. Once a safe distance away from the trash, Felicity berated herself for being such a weirdo.

*****************************************************************************************

Studying at the library didn't take Felicity long. In two hours, she already had 18 pages of notes typed on her PADD and felt that was sufficient enough to enjoy the rest of the freedom of the day. She made her way back to her apartment knowing that Tracie only had to work half a day that day since it was Friday.

When she got back to her apartment, Tracie was changing out of her light blue scrubs; walking around in a beige bra and her light blue pants. The RN looked at Felicity and smiled as excited as Terry had been earlier.

"You're home! Guess what?"

Felicity didn't bother to put down her things knowing full well that Tracie would want conversation immediately. "What?"

"I got us tickets to a comedy show!"

"Oh. Ok."

"We have SECOND ROW SEATS!"

"Oh what? We couldn't get first row seats?"

"They were all out when I went to book our tickets. I was still feeling kinda down from yesterday that I was thinking, what the fuck, and just went ahead and got us tickets to see this guy. You will absolutely love him and it can be a graduation present to you too."

"When is this?"

"Three days before you graduate. This is going to be so amazing. He is so funny." Tracie jumped up and down in the living room a couple times before the bouncing of her large breasts daunted her jovial celebration.

"Dance with me, at least! This is the coolest thing to happen to us ever!"

Felicity ruefully dropped her things on the floor and ran in her room to retrieve an ankle brace out of a dresser drawer. Bouncing around required tendon support.

After dancing aimlessly to loud, rock music, Tracie and Felicity could be found laying in the middle of the floor both sweating, exhausted and laughing. Between breaths Felicity managed to get out the question that she had been wanting to ask Tracie since she had walked in the apartment.

"Would you want to go out to dinner..." Felicity contemplated what she had said for a moment and corrected herself. "You are going out with Spock, Terry, some of Terry's friends and myself next Saturday."

"Says who?" Tracie rolled her head, while still laying on the floor, to look at her roommate.

"Me. I just did. Just then. Did you not hear me or something?"

The half naked RN shook her head. "If I'm not too tired I'll go."

"So you're going to go no matter the fuck what?...'cause that's what I heard."

"FINE!"

"Excellent. I'm glad you're feeling better today."

"It's because you were here to comfort me yesterday. I want you to know that you can't go anywhere, ever, just so you can be able to stay around with me and take care of my sorry ass. Even when you graduate, you have to stay here and keep me sane."

"You know I have things I want to do in life. You know I want to have adventures and fun and explore things."

"I don't care what you do as long as you do it near where I am."

"Then you better be prepared to move around a lot."

Tracie stood and looked around the room, unsure of what to do. "Sounds reasonable."

"So are we going walking or not? I want to take a bath, but if we're going to be walking around, I'll wait until we do that, so I don't have to take two."

"I'm not going anywhere. It's took hot, and I'm too tired."

"It's not that hot outside, and your always tired. You never want to do anything fun." Felicity too stood, pouting her best friend's persistent reluctance to have a social life.

"I'm going out with you next week with your friends. That could be considered fun." Tracie sat on their couch and turned on a program featuring one of her favorite comedians. Felicity replicated herself a bowl of her Polish soup, I could make it so much better than this, but this definitely wins on time efficiency, and sat with Tracie.

Felicity wasn't paying too much attention to the screen of the computer in their living room but was thinking instead. Terry mentioned something about Spock saying he wanted to stay on Earth. It didn't make sense to her. Why would he want to stay on a planet, especially one he wasn't too fond of, if he had joined Starfleet. This conversation needed to happen soon, since Felicity would be assigned a starship within the next month.

Considering this, she again was transported back to her conversation with Terry. He was going to request to be on the U.S.S. Liberty. She knew cadets could do that but never even considered placing a request of her own. The idea appealed to Felicity. That way she could find out what ship would best suit her skills and hopefully be placed there rather than waiting to find out she would be on some boring assignment.

The sporadically logical side of Felicity kicked in and demanded immediate attention. Her career was up in the air, and she was worried about staying with someone she wasn't even married to? Spock meant a lot to her, but if she was not going to do what she had set out to do in Starfleet, what would have been the point of two more years of school?

Also, he had apparently already considered what he would do after graduation without consulting Felicity. Why should she not do the same?

Tracie's barking laugh brought Felicity back to reality. When Tracie's laughing turned into wheezing, Felicity was quick to grab the inhaler off their small, mahogany coffee table and hand it to her friend. It took Tracie a three sprays for her breathing to return to normal after which she commented, "Why does cussing make comedians seem so much more funny?"

Felicity shrugged and answered her question naturally. "It helps intensify the emotion of the joke."

"Only you could explain it that way. I think I'll 'forgo' anything else. It would be very 'rudimentary'. I don't know if I used all those words correctly, but I still fucking used them."

"You make me so proud sometimes."

Tracie shook her head and stared at the screen filled with the boyish face of Jordan Williams. "I want to seduce that man."

"I want to seduce Spock." Felicity retorted.

Tracie snorted back at her. "Good luck with that bullshit. He's a fucking Vulcan."

"Wow, and you have actually remember something that I told you."

"What do you mean?"

"About Vulcan dispositions. Any time I try and tell you something, you forget it immediately. With this, you actually remembered it for longer than two seconds."

"That's because you two have been together for a year and a half and have not had sex. I know that's not due to anything on your part. Like your last boyfriend, 'Mr. Psycho', it took you three times just seeing him until you put out, am I not correct?"

"At least I haven't slept with six different men at our apartment complex, including John with his tattoos-on-her-puss girlfriend."

"Ok, you've make your point. We're both sluts."

"To the max. Absolutely."

Tracie digressed from their depressing conversation about Felicity's propriety driven Vulcan. "I was thinking about your psycho ex boyfriend the other day, and it scared me. He could easily find us and break into our apartment. I'll probably come home one day to find him hiding out in a closet, and he'll end up killing me."

"I doubt it. He would have done so already, if that was his agenda."

"I was watching this documentary earlier about serial killers. I think when I go to bed tonight, I'll have to put something in front of my door to barricade it."

"I should bang on your door in the middle of the night."

"Don't! First of all, I'll go into a bronchial spasm, and while the medics are trying to get to the apartment, you'll be laughing your ass off. Then I'll end up dying and you'll still be laughing your ass off so much you won't be able to give me mouth to mouth resuscitation. Then when the medics get here, you'll be like, 'But she was cracking me up. I couldn't help it that she died'. Don't...don't." Tracie stood and walked out of the room and into her own. "Don't!"

Felicity smiled to herself as she turned the computer off. Tracie would be taking her shower, Spock would not call on her for another hour probably, and she had something on her mind that needed to be addressed.

***************************************************************************************

Terry's comment about her staying on Earth ate away at her all morning and afternoon. The thought of staying had not crossed her mind in the past year and a half, and now that Terry's or more particularly Spock's words had given her doubt, her obsessive and compulsive nature was consumed with images of her being bored and miserable on Earth.

An assignment was needed and fast. But Felicity had no idea how to go about getting one or putting in a request. She decided to talk to the professor who was head of the security and tactical majors, Commander Loring. He and Felicity had become close acquaintances during her time there. Being a diligent student, always resulted in her finding his office at least once a week. She would be in there to bitch about the inaccuracies of tests, students sitting in her chair and not being able to concentrate because of it or to ask his opinion about her career course.

Her mission now was of the latter. After taking so much time slacking and being laid back kicked her proactive state back into gear.

She found her way easily to the faculty building even in the thickening darkness. Being there many times helped her find the way, and once inside, she knew exactly where to go. Down the hall, take a left and it was the fourth door on the right.

Once she arrived at her destination, she found that the door had been commanded to stay open. This was not unusual however, given that Commander Loring enjoyed having his students come by and ask any questions they might have. He was always welcoming.

Felicity knocked on the door frame alerting him to her presence. "Commander Loring?"

A portly, jolly looking man only in his mid thirties looked up from the computer on his desk. He had short brown hair soft green eyes and a sagacious smile as if he had lived a thousand previous lives. "Yes, Ms. Windsor, what can I do for you?"

Felicity sat down in the chair in front of his messy desk. Papers were strewn everywhere without any organization, but if you had asked to see what grade you got on a specific test, he would know exactly where to fin it. "I was wondering about ship assignments." Loring nodded his head speculatively. "I know it's possible for students to place requests for preferred ships, and I would like to do so, but do you think it would be a good idea, or would it make me appear arrogant or...what?"

"Not necessarily, especially for a sweet girl like you, I doubt anyone would be threatened by you making your desires known. I think it would be a really good idea, it shows that you know what you want out of Starfleet and gives you the advantage of immediate consideration. If you're accepted or not would be determined."

"Alright then, which ship do you think I would benefit most on? What should I go for?"

"That is completely up to you. Make your own decision based on what you want, but I can tell you about the ships I think would be best for you over others. The U.S.S. Lincoln is a good ship. Not the newest in the fleet by all means but sturdy. It does a lot of tactical work and is at the forefront during peace treaties and negotiations. It is a ship that anticipates battle strategies and maneuvers of our enemies or possible enemies by judging shield qualities and weapons systems. I know you're not as much a student of tactical, but I think you would find that ship very interesting.

"The U.S.S. Mercury is the most highly sought after investigations ship. The inquiries usually have to do with suspicious deaths of important dignitaries, suspect corruption of members of the United Space Federation and the sabotage of important missions. I think you would like the Mercury the best, but it is near impossible to be accepted. Your previous degree and good grades may help though if you were to apply to it.

"There's also the U.S.S. Cougar and the U.S.S. Viper. The Cougar is a battleship. It is outfitted for battle only; no exploration. You might like this ship because when it is not en route protecting boarders or deflecting possible skirmishes, it's on space dock. It's crew gets weeks of shore leave at a time, especially when things are relatively peaceful. The Viper is another investigations ship, but focuses on planetary exploration. It studies the biology and terrain of various planets in particular ones that are potentially inhabitable. Not as exciting as the others, but information filled which is something I know you like."

"And do you think I should apply for a request to all them to increase the po-"

"Oh heavens, no! No my dear, this is still the military, and you cannot pick and choose your through it. Figure out the one that sounds best to you and only request to be on that one. Hopefully you will have your wish granted."

"I want to be on the U.S.S. Mercury. How do I go about submitting this."

"Hold on," Loring turned around in his chair reaching behind him. He produced a rather large PADD and typed on the screen. "I'll go ahead and put in the request for you, so it can be reviewed before you graduate. If you do this the normal way, you might get a response halfway through your first mission on some po-dunk ship. Trying to get anything past the chain of command around here is ridiculous. Ok...ahhh...you wanted to be on the U.S.S. Mercury, correct?"

Felicity nodded fervently. "Yes."

He handed her the PADD. "Just fill out your information and it will be done."

"Alright." Felicity took her time while still trying to be quick; she wanted to make sure everything was correct. After a few minutes of typing on her part and the watching of a human wipe-out montage on Commander Loring's part, she handed the PADD back to him and said, "Finished."

"Well then my dear, it should only take about a week for you to find out whether or not you are accepted. Just check back in my office if you haven't received a communication in about ten days, ok?"

"That sounds great."

"Glad I could help." he nodded to her as she stood.

"Thank you so much Commander."

"Anything for you, my dear. You're such a sweet soul." Felicity smiled at his words and walked out of his office.

**********************************************************************

Turbulently, Felicity threw herself into her beloved apartment. Stepping through the doorway, she found a contemplative Spock dissecting a poor PADD on the living room floor. Far too happy to care about his work, she threw herself into his body, subsequently knocking him down and scattering screws on the floor.

"Felicity, I am trying to fix Tracie's PADD." he said frustrated at her interference.

She rolled off of him unable to contain herself. "I asked Commander Loring to put in a request for me to be on the U.S.S. Mercury. Isn't that great?"

"It sounds on proper considering you topic of study."

"Think about it though. If you were to ask now, I'm sure you could get on the same ship. All of the officers and professors love you. You could get anything you wanted from them."

"Give me some time to contemplate my possibilities."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase. It would be perfect if we were on the same ship."

"Even placing our requests, it does not guarantee we would be on the same ship, Felicity."

"But I want to be with you." She moved her face dangerously close to his own.

"I will think about it."

"Excellent!" Felicity exclaimed. She sat patiently next to him, occasionally touching his leg or back while he work. He was so exquisite, she could hardly stop herself, loving the way his hard muscles flexed under her touch. Paying so much attention to his perfect body, Felicity hardly noticed that he had finished his project.

"I fixed what was wrong with Tracie's PADD. She had applied the lock setting preventing her from typing anything. I had to dismantle the whole device, because it wouldn't allow me to deactivate it through manual command. Tell her not to drop it so much."

Felicity didn't much care about Tracie's PADD with such a elegant Vulcan standing in front of her in her bedroom. "Wonderful. Are you going to stay with me tonight?"

Spock looked at her under his eyelashes disapprovingly. "No."

"Why not? You stayed with me last night."

Spock could feel her regret vaguely. "You were disquieted. Now that you are in a more reasonable mood, there is no reason for me to stay."

"What if I wanted to be with you, to spend time with you? Just because you were with me last night doesn't mean you've filled your quota for the next year and a half."

"I have a large amount of work for my classes I need to address."

"No you don't. You finish everything weeks ahead of schedule. Stay, please! Only for tonight, then you won't have to again for a while."

"I know that you think I am being unreasonable, and by human standards I'm sure I am, but you should also take my own heritage into account."

Felicity seethed knowing it was a losing battle. Spock placed the PADD on the coffee table and leaned in to kiss her. She used the lavender soap today when showering. She quickly snuggled to his side as he considered possible topics of conversation that would allow him to stay a bit longer with her.

"While I was in the academy store I noticed the socks were on sale. Did you not say that you needed some new ones?"

"Yes, but the socks the academy sells are just plain white ones."

Spock moved away from Felicity and looked at her. "Is there a problem with that?"

"Absolutely! I can't have plain white socks! I need the ones that have different colors of ribbon around the ankle."

"Why?"

"So that way, when I am doing laundry my socks all have an exact mate rather than just putting some white sock with another white sock."

He shook his head at her idiosyncrasies. "You are so odd."

"You're one to talk, Mr. Vulcan! Don't give me that crap! I just like when, my socks match. Sorry."

Spock checked the clock hanging on the wall closest to the kitchen area in Felicity's apartment. "It is getting late, and I need to go." The resolute look on his masculine features did nothing for Felicity's ego.

"If you must." she said while shrugging.

"Yes. Good evening." He inclined his head to her with his back to the door.

"Night, my dear." The endearment reminded Spock of his mother. A very odd person to compare Felicity to. Not in terms of love and attitude, but in comparison of the relationship he had with each.

Felicity reached up to kiss Spock, which obligingly, he bent his head down. Holding his face in a vice grip, she took her time expressing her goodbye to him, eager to get as close to him as possible given that she couldn't have sex in the foreseeable future.

Spock did not touch her in response but allowed her to linger as long as she wished. Feeling her pull away, he looked her over with his normal, impassive gaze, nodded and walked out of her apartment. Staying at the door, minimally distraught, Felicity contemplated what it would be like to have sex with such a man until she heard the familiar voice of her roommate.

"I thought Spock was staying over?"

"I don't even...i don't fucking know. I don't even fucking know what happened. I don't want to talk about it. Let's talk about something else, shall we?"

"Well did you really expect something different to happen? He's a Vulcan, he's not going to want to just hop into bed with you at the first chance. Which is refreshing to me...not having to be around some man that wants to fuck all the time, because that's all the human ones want to do. So you have the better deal here, with Spock."

"Do you really think so?"

"No. Not really. Tell him you want an open relationship so that you can fuck other, sexier men on the side, but still be his girlfriend."

"He IS sexy, Tracie. He's gorgeous."

"Uh, not with those ears."

"That is completely a subjective opinion."

"The fuck, that means...?"

"It means it's your own opinion and seems correct to you, but my opinion, while different is correct to me, and I think Spock is very, very sexy. That's my opinion."

"Even so, it's still wrong."

"I hate you, Tracie."

"I'm going to bed."

"I'll be in there later with a butcher knife scaring the shit out of you."

"If you do, I'll phase you out of existence." And with that, Tracie left Felicity standing all alone near the door of their apartment.


	10. Parting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm still trying to figure out how I can copy and paste my italicize text...For now it will just have ** used as quotations. :) Ugh I should probably go back and see what might have been 'thoughts' in previous chapters...  
> Nvmd, I found out how I can just paste the html for it everywhere. This will be a fun venture... Now I reeeeally need to go back and do that...  
> But I'm really glad I figured that out for important future events, anyway I'm rambling...

_It was 0200 hours, and Felicity was the only one left on the bridge. The ship was in a silent slumber around her as she checked a computer screen for possible anomalies._

_She was exhausted from her previous investigation on Andromidus 8 but had to remain at the post on the bridge until the captain and first officer got enough rest. They had immediately dismissed themselves to their quarters after re-boarding the Mercury and left her in command. Though just as exhausted, Felicity would not have missed this opportunity to prove herself._

_After realizing that nothing of interest would be showing it's face on her screen any time soon, Felicity stood and walked around the bridge; eying the captain's chair in particular. Surly no one would know if she sat in it for only a few minutes..._

_Felicity flattened out the skirt of her blue uniform and sat gingerly in the chair. The exhilaration was overwhelming, as she pictured herself on the bridge for good as the Mercury's captain._

_"Why am I not surprised to find you sitting there while no one is supervising you?"_

_The voice made her jump. Of course it was her luck to be siting in the captain's chair at exactly the same moment he wanted to return to the bridge. Felicity hurled herself out of the seat and spun around to face the captain preparing a full apology in her head, the face she met was not that of the captain._

_"Spock? How did you get on the ship?"_

_"I was working on Andromidus 8, researching the potential the planet had for solar radiation storage. When I became aware of the Mercury being in the same sector, much less on the same planet, I knew I could not let you leave me again." The slim Vulcan walked slowly to Felicity, sizing her up the whole way._

_"You should not have let me go the first time." She turned her face away from him in an attempt to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just call security right now and have them escort you off the bridge."_

_"I can give you two. Because I love you, and because I want you." Spock's strong hand grabbed Felicity's jaw, pulling her face to his own. His arm became wrapped around the petite waist. "Don't send me away from you now that we are together. I want to be everything and do everything for you. Let me please you..." Hot breath licked Felicity's neck and she shivered in response. "The temperature on the bridge is exactly 80.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Surly you cannot be cold?"_

_"Quite the contrary." was all Felicity could gulp barely about to think being so close to Spock's body; so intimate._

_"Then perhaps we should take some of your clothes off and make you a bit more comfortable." He turned her around to unzip the uniform from the back while taking his time running his hands painfully slow over her curves. Felicity found herself standing on the bridge of a ship she had only been on for four months clothed only in her bra and boots._

_Spock dug his fingers into the flesh over her hips and craned his neck over her right shoulder giving him perfect access to the ears his wished to verbally assault. "Not wearing any underwear? I don't believe that, that would be acceptable by regulation, Commander. Perhaps you need to be taught a lesson." He nuzzled her neck gently before planting light kisses over it, indicating that his words were to be taken playfully._

_Barely able to swallow and completely at the mercy of the burning in her lower body, Felicity breathed back to her assailant, "What did you have in mind?"_

_"This." Spock spun Felicity back around violently before throwing her backwards against the navigation terminal. She could only brace herself against the machine in time before he grabbed the bottoms of her thighs and spread her legs in front of him._

"Felicity!"

"Fuck..." Felicity opened her eyes, angry at the world.

Tracie walked into the living room and looked at her half-awake friend on the couch. "Can you hear me? I just wanted to check to make sure my bronchitis was not affecting my voice."

Felicity put one of the pillows over her face, brooding about the fact that she couldn't even have a happy ending in a dream. "Why can't you just talk to yourself like a normal person?"

"Because you're here and you're awake. Go fucking put on your make up or something. We have to leave in an hour and a half." Tracie walked away, then marched back up to the cinnamon-colored couch. "Screw you! I'm taking my race car shirt and going back to my room!"

Throwing the pillow off her face, Felicity yelled back at Tracie. "Wait! Come back! I want to bitch about my life."

"I want to take a nap before we go out. What is it?"

"I want to go to bed too. Wait, correction. I want to go to bed with Spock."

"Is that what this is about?"

"Yes."

"You're pathetic."

"You try dating a man who won't put out. It's ridiculous!"

"Is it as bad as I predicted...having a Vulcan for a boyfriend?"

 _It's difficult to give your heart to someone who could only feel so much love for you. I know. I've been there many times._ "It's worse, because every time I see him, my mind strays to images that are far too risque even for me. My conscience yells at me every chance it gets for having such thoughts. It makes me feel guilty for thinking about Spock and his hard, green cock fucking the shit out of me. And all of that is in my mind; it's not like I tell people besides you, so there's no reason to feel guilty. But these scenes of him in his nude perfection laying next to me in my nude imperfection while we both bask in the glow of our perfectly synchronized orgasms..." Felicity had to stop talking and fan herself.

"I take it you're not too happy that he won't have sex with you."

"It fucking sucks. When your man can't overtly express his desire for you, it makes you feel very small and kinda pathetic."

"You need to get laid."

"Oh, I'm acutely aware of that. No wonder why humans hardly ever marry Vulcans. All that sexual frustration."

"Human men aren't really that good for sex either, so you're not missing much." the RN muttered.

Felicity continued her whining. "I am missing sex with Spock. I'm kinda...I'm...I...ugh...I'm missing a lot here."

"Just use your vibrator like I do."

Mischief was alight in Felicity's eyes. "You use my vibrator?"

"You know what I mean! Anyway, get ready. Your lover-boy will be here in...I don't even remember how long, but he'll be here soon, and I wouldn't want you to miss all that frustration."

"Thanks. I appreciate your concern." Felicity replied dryly.

"Who are we going out with again?"

"Terry, his girlfriend Keira, and her two friends Gaila and Nyota. They're interesting...not as interesting as you, but still, I'm sure it's not going to be a boring dinner."

"Fine. I'm taking a nap. If I'm not up in thirty minutes, wake my ass up."

"I will, trust me, I'll fucking wake you up." Sitting up and stretching for a moment on the couch, Felicity debated her next move. It either was going to have something to do with food or about ten minutes of personal 'maintenance' in her bathroom. She opted for the latter since it would help her self preservation.

While passing through the bedroom, Felicity caught sight of her bed and felt distressed about her lack of sex. It wasn't fair that she had to be attracted to a man that wouldn't copulate with her. She wondered where the course of events after graduation would lead them. She wanted to be with Spock and wanted to pursue her career at the same time. But her thoughts were fleeting since there were more important things at hand...

Looking around aimlessly after exiting the bathroom, Felicity was in no mood to go to dinner, but the plans were made and it was too late to come up with a good excuse. Ruefully looking in the bottomless underwear drawer, she found some pieces that would be perfect for the evening. Perhaps a little more seduction is all he needs.

She took the underwear and a matching bra back into the bathroom with her and prepared for a shower. Tracie could sleep a little longer.

Shaving was a must. Every millimeter of her legs, underarms and other areas had to be flawlessly soft. It took time and a small mirror to make sure everything that couldn't be properly seen was indeed shaved properly, but once done, she felt exquisite. Slathering copious amounts of lotion on her skin, Felicity admired her body in the mirror. It was nice enough, naked. No weird areas or large freckles. Maybe a bit too big around the thighs and butt to be considered truly beautiful, but damn good enough.

Her admiration was cut short when she heard the bell for the apartment door. Wrapping a towel around her body, though she would have preferred to open it naked just to see the look on the Vulcan's face, she pranced to the door. "Tracie! Get your ass up! Spock's here!"

"Not my problem..." a sleepy Tracie with her race car shirt said while walking into her own bathroom.

Opening the door to the typical sight in front of her was always a blessing. Spock stood, his back straight, hands behind it and clothed in his black Starfleet shirt. Felicity wondered how such a boring shirt could be so absolutely alluring, especially since she's seen him wear it a thousand times.

"Hi."

"Good afternoon." Spock walked in and followed Felicity.

"Tracie! Remember, don't come out naked." After which there returned a muffled, "I don't care if he sees my ass naked."

After entering the room, she turned on Spock. "Let me just change, and after that it shouldn't take me too long to be ready."

"That is acceptable."

Felicity smiled and ran her hand along his jaw before she entered the bathroom. "Do you ever wear anything besides those shirts?" she called from the bathroom, criticizing his typical attire.

"I don't see a logical reason to do so."

Spock walked around the room slowly trying to use the free time he had while waiting. Felicity's room was impeccable as ever. Every surface was dusted, the floor was clean, her bed was made completely with all of the decorative pillows she had and her paintings were hung perfectly straight.

"What do you think about this outfit?" Spock looked up at the voice and was taken aback.

Felicity lounged against the door frame in what Spock would not consider an outfit. She wore a gorgeous, red, lace bra with embroidered flower petals decorating the front. The lace covered nothing underneath, and it took him a few seconds to tear his eyes away and investigate the second part of her ensemble.

Her underwear looked innocent enough. It was the same red colored fabric, only opaque, bordered with ruffles and covered her reasonably. As he stared, she turned for him. The back was something more along the lines of risque. The fabric ended at her hips and was laced together with a small, thin piece of red ribbon.

"What do you think?"

"You cannot go out in public like that, and I would hardly consider it an outfit." Felicity sighed dramatically and threw her head back, agitated. The movement forced her chest out and arched her back, which in turn, caused Spock's jaw to unnoticeably clench.

"Well of course not, but what do you think about me wearing this underneath my clothes tonight? You could come back home with me after dinner and watch me take it off." She sauntered to him with a coy smile and mischief in her eyes.

Spock clasped his hands behind his back for precaution. Her hands glided down his chest and stopped at the top of his trousers. Having to feel both her and his own arousal was cumbersome. It made him feel guilty, because he was unable to properly return her passion; his reasoning would not allow him.

He knew was able to feel her laboring under an intense desire. Over the past week, their connection had waned; becoming less than a smolder of feeling inside him, but at times when she was being overly passionate, he was still acutely aware.

"You need to continue getting ready or there is a high possibility that we will be late."

"Only if you kiss me first." Felicity ran her hands over his body.

Spock's hands came from behind his back and very tenderly touched her jaw tilting it up to his mouth. His kiss was shy and hesitant; not wanting to indulge himself too much, but trying to appease her. The kiss did not last long, and when it was over, Felicity sighed, frustrated again and made her way back into the bathroom. "I'll be out in a minute."

Spock sat at Felicity's desk and read some of her poetry while he waited for the women to get ready. Occasionally, he could see Tracie dancing between her room and the living room while listening to music. After exactly sixteen minutes and twelve seconds after she had committed herself to the bathroom, Felicity emerged, almost a new person.

Her hair was straighter than ever falling just above her shoulders. Small, diamond studded earrings adorned her ears and a silver bracelet was wrapped around her wrist. The dress Felicity wore was sleeveless and fell to her knees. The fabric from her hips to the hem was black, the waist was purple and the low-dipped v-neck top was grey. The dress was adorned with purple pumps and a shiny, black clutch. She threw her arms into the air. "How do I look?"

"Appropriate for an evening out."

"Tell me how I look without your obnoxious, Vulcan logic."

"You mean, tell you what I would say if I were human."

"Completely human, yes." Felicity corrected.

"I suppose I would say you look...wonderful."

"Mmmm, I don't think you would say such an adjective, but I'll take it." She called out to Tracie, "Are you ready to go?!"

"Yes!" was the only reply she received.

Turning to Spock, Felicity asked the same question. "Are you ready?"

"I am."

"Than what are we waiting for?"

************************************************************

Introductions were only necessary because Tracie had not met any of the new women, and surprisingly enough to Felicity, Tracie was very polite to them. There wasn't much any of them had in common; each having their own friends and interests. It was Terry who was the uniting link between the groups and due to his fabulous social skills, transitioned everyone smoothly from standing in the foyer of the restaurant for introductions to maneuvering the seven of them to a waiting table.

Terry had decided on an Italian restaurant, mainly because Keira loved Italian, but also since everyone else was fond of the food. Most everyone. Spock had protested the choice but was quickly overruled by Felicity who gave him a sharp look and stated that he would love Italian as much as everyone else.

The table was large, it needed to be for their party, and Terry sat at the head with Keira on his right and Spock on his left. Felicity sat on the left of Spock and Tracie on the left of Felicity, while Nyota sat to the right of Keira and Gaila next to Nyota.

Once everyone was settled in their seats and waited for the drink order to be taken, Felicity was unable to help herself from starting an interesting conversation and turned to Gaila. "How hostile has the Orion Syndicate been? Have they still been doing a lot of slave trade lately?"

"Things have been quieting down in the Borderland, but the trade is still prominent. That's why my parents came here to Earth. It's much safer than staying on Orion."

"Out of all the things I could investigate, I always found trafficking to be the most interesting."

"Interesting isn't what I would call it when it's happening right where you live."

Felicity nodded her head in agreement. "True. It's still a fascinating subject though. People think trafficking is obscure and hardly ever happens, but in actuality, it happens all the time."

"Yes, and the Syndicate isn't only interested in Orions either but sometimes abduct human or other women for slavery."

"Do they ever go after men?"

"Not as much as they do females. There is a large market for the selling of male labor, and when the price isn't high enough, the person is sold for feeding purposes."

"How awful." commented Tracie.

"There are some guys that I know who investigate those sort of crimes, or they used to at least. Trafficking, kidnapping and sexual offenses. Eventually they had to find new careers, because the investigators they worked for had legal charges against the company due to harassment of the defendants on the police's side. Let's just say, such a topic was not easy for them to look into without becoming really pissed."

The waitress came to their table. She was a blonde woman with more than enough cleavage to share with all the women sitting at the table. Her voice was nasally when she requested the drink orders of everyone. Keira asked for a rum and coke, Nyota opted for a shot of Jack, Gaila ordered a apple martini, to match her skin, Terry got a beer, Tracie demanded a sweet tea, Spock requested water and Felicity mulled over red or white wine.

Shaking her head, she told the server. "Bring whatever you think is the best. Nothing too dry though."

Spock found her request abnormal and commented about it. "I would have presumed you would want a margarita. You have only ever ordered wine three times out of the 127 times we have eaten out."

"I'm in the mood for something a little more seductive." She eyed him coyly and Spock felt his temperature rise.

Tracie completely unbothered by social protocol spoke up. "What is your heritage, Nyota?"

"I'm Bantu and speak Kiswahili, or Swahili is what it would be called in the English language."

"And where is that?" Tracie

"It's in the United States of Africa. I moved to America to attend Starfleet, but my parents still live there."

"Do you miss them?" Felicity asked curious about Nyota's life.

"Yes I do, very much. They are the main reason why I am here at Starfleet. My mother always told me I could do whatever I wanted, and when I decided to try my luck in space, my parents were more than supportive." The waitress returned with the drinks and placed each to it's respective owner. After taking the orders of everyone at the table, the blonde left again leaving Nyota to follow up the conversation. "Do your parents live here, Felicity?"

"No, my step parents live in Florida, though I'm originally from the British Isles. England in particular."

Gaila was first to respond to Felicity's statement. "What's it like there?"

"In Florida?" The small investigator sipped her red wine while contemplating an appropriate answer. "It's Quite similar to Vulcan; hot, sandy and boring."

Spock turned to her with his brow furrowed. "I disagree with your last sentiment."

"You don't have to agree with it." she replied smiling and covertly placed her hand on his left thigh. Spock shook his head so faintly that Felicity was sure she was the only one who had noticed.

Tracie continued to thrash her way through discussion not wanting to acknowledge the admiration of the two people on her side of the table. "Keira, where are you from?"

"Ireland. I can trace my ancestry back seven generations there."

Felicity separated her vision from Spock, again curious about their company. "What's you last name?"

"O'Keefe. I moved to America six years ago and was living in Oklahoma for two before I came to San Francisco."

Terry laughed at her short recounting of events. "Oklahoma...what an interesting place. How was it living there?"

"Boring. That's why I came here. I wanted some excitement in my life."

"Me too!" Felicity exclaimed. "That is the exact reason why I joined."

Felicity's thrill was subdued by the arrival of food. She would soon be enjoying clams and lobster ravioli while her Vulcan counterpart had a large caesar salad. He was truly missing out on the exquisite food, but Felicity would not push such a thing on him. Spock had every right to eat whatever he wanted.

"What do you do, Tracie?" Gaila asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm a nurse. I work at Dr. Cook's office."

"Is it difficult being a nurse?" asked Nyota.

"I work all the time, but I love what I do, so I don't mind. People who hate my guts and wish that I would die say, 'She's one crazy bitch and I fucking hate her, but she's a DAMN good nurse'." Felicity almost choked on her wine, not expecting Tracie's antics at that moment.

Gaila looked far off when she responded. "I was thinking about doing that, but then I decided to change my major to communications."

"And what is your major, Spock?" Nyota eyed him like a piece of meat. This made Felicity's body language perk up, asserting itself and displaying that she was the alpha female when it came to the attentions of her Vulcan. Spock of course noticed nothing about the female, human dominance battle. Such things were too 'primitive' for him to take into account.

"I am dual majoring in Xenolinguistics and astrophysics."

Gaila shook her head and drank from her martini. "Ah, I'm crap at physics."

"Of course you are. You're much better at 'biology'." Keira teased her friend.

Nyota continued to question Spock. "When do you graduate?"

"This spring."

Felicity interrupted. "We all do, except for Tracie, who's just loitering around."

"And what do you plan to do after?" Nyota was unbothered by Felicity's assertion over her and Spock's conversation.

This question had particularly caught Felicity's attention, and she was eager to hear what Spock had to say. They had not talked about him applying to the U.S.S. Mercury since last week, and her interest and worry about the subject made itself known to her nervous system.

Spock was aware of Felicity's eyes on him as well as feeling the anxiety she was having. He had not petitioned to be on the ship she wanted. It was not what he wanted, and after living his life and choosing a career so emotionally, it was difficult to allow himself more self-centric indulgences.

His eyes stared determinedly at his salad. "I have not yet decided."

"And what do you plan to do, Felicity?" Keira asked sensing a disturbance in the previous peace between them all.

"I want an exciting assignment. I want to work with security and do some potential fighting and investigating. You know, something worthwhile."

The sarcasm was not removed from Nyota's voice when she spoke. "You want to be a warrior?"

Felicity eyed her like a predator. "You could say that."

"Felicity is a very passionate person." Terry held his beer up to Felicity in a type of salute.

Felicity and Spock's eyes met, both finding the humor in the statement. Felicity smiled at him and took a sip of her Shiraz.

The evening ended late and each friend was more than willing to go back to his and her own bed. Terry walked with the three new women while Tracie, Felicity and Spock traveled to the ladies' apartment. Reaching the door, Tracie bid her farewells to Spock and Felicity and tramped into the homestead grumbling about how it was way past her bedtime.

Felicity remained outside. "I take it you won't stay with me this evening again?"

"No." he answered resolutely.

"Why? Logic can be used for both sides of the argument. You don't need to stay with me, true, but you also don't need to leave. Why not just stay this time?"

"There are protocols that I have to adhere to."

"We don't have to have sex."

"I understand all the possibilities, Felicity, but I would still prefer to easy myself into our relationship."

"I could sleep on the couch if you want."

"You are moderately intoxicated and tired. Go to bed, and I will come over tomorrow to complete our homework." Felicity stood on her tiptoes and arched her neck to reach Spock's lips. After feeling she had adequately expressed the dislike for their parting, she let him go and went inside. Her desire he still felt after she left him was daunting. Spock headed back to his own home fully intending a cold shower for himself when he arrived.

**********************************************************

The following month proved to be very useless for socializing of any kind. Felicity and Spock had seven tests, five papers, six quizzes and three homework assignments to do combined. Not that it took Spock long at all to do his assignments, but Felicity was sure her torture would never end. No thoughts entered her mind save for grade after grade, and with all the pressure of doing good the last semester of being at the academy, she didn't really care what Spock was considering for a future.

After her last test for the next month, she decided it was time to kick back and relax. She had not spoken to Keira or any of her friends since their dinner, and Felicity was curious about the progression of Terry's relationship with the brunette goddess. Deciding that gossiping would be best done on an event-less Sunday, she walked to her apartment, anticipating going to sleep.

Before she could even get off the campus, her communicator beeped, wanting attention. She pulled it out and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Felicity! This is Terry! Where are you? I need to talk to you right now."

"I'm near the science building."

"Good. Spock and I will be over there in a second," The voice over the communicator started to mumble and whisper angrily in the background. "Fine! Spock says we'll be over there in approximately three minutes if we leave now and walk at a moderate pace."

Felicity laughed at her boys, tired though she may be. "Alright. I'll see you then." Deciding that waiting would be handled best by sitting down, she found a convenient spot of grass and collapsed into it. She didn't look at anything while she waited. No books, interesting finds, or papers that needed to be done. Felicity just let her body lay in the warm sun, wishing to not be interrupted.

Alas, that was not her fate. An overexcited Terry could be heard shouting her name a block away.

"Felicity! Felicity! I've been assigned to the U.S.S. Liberty! I get to work with the chief engineer reprogramming the computers and monitoring life support faculties! It's exactly what I was studying. I mean, this is so wonderful! I've been assigned a position on one of the newest ships in this sector and I get to be with Keira! Felicity, are you not overwhelmingly happy for me?" Terry was bouncing with his usual excitement for such an unusual circumstance.

Felicity braced her hands behind her back while remaining seated in the grass. "Oh my God, of course I'm very, very happy."

Spock was on his heels and quick to participate in the commotion. "You don't seem too excited."

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just jealous of Terry's assignment."

"Well that's ridiculous, since..." Terry looked like he was about to combust or float away, which ever came first. "You've been accepted to the U.S.S. Mercury!"

Jumping up, Felicity rounded on Terry. "How do you know?"

"I was talking with Admiral Sullivan when Commander Loring came up. He had me tell you the news since I would be seeing you sooner then him!"

"This is wonderful!"

"I know! I have to run and go tell Keira. I'll talk to you later about it." The blonde sprinted off leaving Felicity with Spock. An awkward silence slithered its way between them. Each knew what the other was thinking without having to mind meld.

"Did you ever put in your request to be on the Mercury?" She looked up at him sheepishly but also irked that her celebration had to be tainted by the curiosity of what he thought.

Spock eyes did not leave hers. "I have not, but I have been asked to stay on Earth and teach."

Felicity could not comprehend his words. While distant, his affections always seemed genuine. Why would he not even bother with her? "I thought you wanted to be on a starship, with me?"

"I think teaching would be the best possible option right now."

"But why?"

Spock looked into her tired, sad eyes. He could no longer feel the pain of rejection she had, the month that had passed removed almost every sign of mental connection they ever shared, but he knew it was there.

"Felicity you look fatigued. Perhaps it would be best to discuss this later. Tomorrow maybe?"

The small woman shook her head. "Tomorrow I'm sleeping all day. No dinners, no schoolwork, no nothing."

"What about Sunday, when you typically come over to mine and Terrence's dorm?"

Felicity gazed down at her feet in response. "I guess so. I'll bring our usual food." She reached down to gather her things and kissed him goodbye before she trudged home.

***************************************************************************

Spock wanted to ask Felicity to stay with him. He understood her concepts about consummating a relationship to tie two people closer together. Knowing himself, it would take much longer than the month they had left at the academy for that to happen. Spock considered, even before the night he stayed with her, staying on Earth. Not that he particularly like the planet; it was still so strange to him, but if they both stayed, it was a guarantee for them to be together. Attempting to gain acceptance to the same starship was highly improbable; almost impossible. If they both stayed where they could take their relationship at a slower pace, then they as a couple might actually work.

Spock had also not forgotten about T'Pring. He constantly thought about her. Not as a male should think about his bonded female, but as a complication. She was something he needed to resolve before he could properly court Felicity, but he did not want to do so needlessly. Being careful with their relationship meant having the time to make sure he wanted Felicity over T'Pring.

Staying on Earth was also safer. There was no need for worry about engine failures, life support malfunctions, or possible enemies while on planet. Spock did not view Felicity as fragile by no means nor had any possessive tendencies, but earnestly cared for her and wanted her to be safe.

He hoped she would see his point of view, and waited for her to arrive with their usual Sunday meal.

The bell announcing her arrival caused Spock to automatically get up and open the door for her. She still refused to use the code.

An overloaded Felicity came blundering past the door, multiple bags in each hand. She dropped everything on the floor except their food. That, she took with her to his bed, sat down and started to rummage through the contents. "Ok, so when I wasn't looking, the guy helping me put a bunch of ham in your salad, for what reason, I am unaware, but I'll pick it all out."

Spock sat next to her. "That is perfectly fine. I can do that myself."

"Here you are then." Felicity handed him the salad and opened her own turkey sandwich. She started eating immediately and didn't notice how Spock placed his own food in front of him untouched.

He stood, suddenly not hungry, and slowly paced in front of Felicity while she sat unbothered on his bed. Debating how he would approach the topic with her, he opted for a more direct path, knowing she disliked pointless banter. "Felicity, I..." but Spock was at a loss for words. He knew this was something she would disagree with, especially after her acceptance to the U.S.S. Mercury.

Felicity looked up at her beloved Vulcan who was uncharacteristically pacing. She wondered what could have him so riled up. "Yes, Spock? I'm listening."

He stopped immediately and addressed her with a resolute affirmation. "I want you to stay with me, here, on Earth."

She looked at him politely until she shook her head. "No."

 _I did not anticipate this._ "You have hardly given this any thought. I could give you more time to contemplate it. I don't need an answer immediately."

Felicity continued unperturbed. "I don't need to contemplate it, Spock. I'm not staying. I've already been accepted to serve on the U.S.S. Mercury, and there is no way I'm giving up that commission. You could probably still request to be on it if you like."

Spock reviewed the possibility. The Mercury was not his first choice for service, understandably so, being that his interest was not directed towards investigations. He did not want to serve on that particular ship, but being with Felicity would outweigh any objection he might have. Considering his selflessness, Spock then realized that it was she who was being unyielding by not considering staying with him, or at least staying on Earth.

Maybe that was one of her reasons for wanting to leave the planet. He would be there, and he was not everything she wanted; he could not give her the emotionally indulgent relationship she yearned for. Because of this, of course she wanted to get away, to find something or someone new and better acclimated to her customs.

He couldn't prevent the smallest amount of pain from tainting his voice. "Why do you want to so desperately leave?"

Felicity, unaware of the inaccurate conclusion Spock had drawn, continued as passionately as ever. "I want to do something. Investigate, fight, explore, I don't care. I can't stay here and remain stagnant forever, Spock. That was the whole point of joining Startfleet; to make a difference."

"Stay on Earth then. You can make a difference here, and it is not the worst possible option. I do not intend to stay here for the remainder of my days, but for the time, it seemed appropriate for me to stay. Could you not remain on Earth for a few more years? I'm sure the academy could use your knowledge and skill. You would be able to teach."

"No. You don't get it. I want to leave. I want to explore. I want to do something glorified. I can't be a teacher, how utterly boring! I want everything I know to be put to some sort of use, and not to be used to educated a bunch of kids."

"Have you fully investigated the dangers of working on a starship? You could be killed."

Felicity put down her sandwich fully preparing herself to argue. "As could you when your time comes to drop the teaching non sequitur and finally go out into space. If I die, then so be it. I want to promote justice and and fight for the freedoms of people who cannot defend themselves. I want to prevent assimilation and restore cultural integrity."

The emotional inclination of her words caused Spock's reason and logic to become dominant over his affections for her. "Your opinion of battle is a classical, romanticized, human view. You think battle serves a purpose other than destruction."

Criticizing her ideals was not something Felicity anticipated for the day. "It does! People engage in fights to protect their way of life. I would love to encounter some profound action while on a starship."

"Wanting battle is a very human desire, which has cost many lives. We could be more productive than by simply fight to resolve conflicts."

"Then what are you doing here? Why did you join Starfleet if not to fight and protect?" She stood now and faced him; her upper body hunched over as if preparing to strike.

"I do wish to protect, but I do not fight. Vulcans are a much more civilized species than to use cowboy diplomacy. My people are a peaceful and do not go looking for fights as with humans."

"Your people are just as arrogant and discriminating as humans, don't even dare think you aren't. Less than a hundred years ago, when the Vulcan High Command was in power, they often killed members of different sects that disagreed with them, sent Vulcan ships to spy on the U.S.S. Enterprise, something which Admiral Archer still gets pissed about, and displayed prejudicial acts against Vulcans who had mind melded. Even you have been criticized just because you are different! Elaborate to me why you would choose to acknowledge that side of you more readily than your human side."

Spock shook his head. "When the high command was disbanded, it was found that they were under Romulan influence. That is hardly an instance to judge my species on."

"So a mere influence can reduce your logic to some rudimentary level? What a pathetic argument."

"It is still a valid one. The high command was indeed acting upon emotions, which I suppose is your point. Implying that Vulcans can act on their emotions, but with that in mind, review everything you just stated. All of those terrible events happened when we as a race were emotionally compromised."

"I know, but how can you expect a species so inept at coping with something as basic as emotion be able to make proper decisions while under it's influence? Starfleet was created by humans as a means of protection and union against enemies." Felicity was flourishing her arms around presenting her passion and adamant belief of her point of view.

Spock respectfully disagreed. "Starfleet was created to explore."

"And also to protect! Not everyone can be filled with profound reason like you...superior, Vulcans. People will want to fight. Species will want to fight, and when they do, I will be there."

"Then you are a fool." he retorted flatly.

Felicity was sent into a frenzy of anger. "What?! I have never once thought you were ignorant for not understanding humans. I've tried to reason with your still biased 'logic', but I've let my arguments go when I realized you would not see my point. But this?! You dare call me a fool over my beliefs and values? How ignorant can you be, Spock? You forsake every aspect of you that your mother contributed to. Just because I think differently doesn't mean I am less than you. You are ridiculous!"

"Examine your own logic briefly. Your argument is valid. What you say about me is indeed true, but to think and so adamantly defend the idea of fighting for peace is counterproductive."

"But do you expect us to stand by and allow ourselves and others to be destroyed by a species that is not peaceful? Spock, you keep forgetting that common denominator."

"You are laboring under the misapprehension of some false clarion call. You are expressing a desire to find battles. That notion only denotes that you want to wage battle comparable to any other warmonger."

"I just want a little excitement in my life, and to defend my beliefs for equality and freedom."

"Within regulation. Again, another contradiction. You want freedom but require policing to obtain it. As I have stated before, your reasoning is perceivable. It is your logic that is fallacious. How can you examine the universe with such intellectual curiosity but then ignore everything you see to pursue an emotionally prominent answer?"

"I don't know! I guess it's just my impassioned reasoning! I try to be intelligent, but I am not going to condemn my human qualities like you do yours!"

Spock shook his head wanting to return to their peaceful companionship they had earlier. "Felicity, I do not want to-"

Felicity held up a hand to stop him. She was fuming and had no more patience left to listen to the ridicule. "You have insulted me in every possible fashion concerning my ideologies, Spock, and you question by beliefs with your uncaring logic. I am not Vulcan, and I can't believe that you would be so careless towards me."

Spock realized that she was upset, more so than he had ever seen her. He quickly attempted to remedy the conflict he started with her. He needed to overlook both their arguments and explain why he wanted her to stay. "Yes, yes, you are correct, but I-"

"Don't! Just leave me alone. Don't contact me. I don't want to see you anymore." She snatched her bag with such force two of her PADDs fell out, but she was too angry to care. _He can keep them._ Right before walking out the door, she turned and interjected painfully, "Have fun teaching."


	11. Obstinate

"I am still not sure how my intentions to protect her went so horribly wrong." Spock sat at his desk; back straight and hands clasped together in his lap. He looked as if he were politely listening to a speech, but his eyes were empty of their usual curiosity.

Keira pulled herself into a sitting position from where she had been previously been laying with Terry and looking through computer competency notes. "Now what exactly were you two saying again?"

"She said she wanted to fight; to protect peace. An obvious contradiction, as I had told her. Then I told her that she was foolish for following such beliefs."

"You told her she was foolish?" Terry said with a laugh.

"No, Terrence. I called her a fool."

The blonde's previous good humor was gone as he rounded on Spock. "What?! Why?"

"I don't know why I chose that particular word." The Vulcan said a little too quickly.

"You can't go around calling people fools, Spock. Especially not your girl." Terry wrapped his arm around Keira's shoulders.

Spock looked down at his hands and answered quietly. "I am aware of this now."

Spock observed Terry and Keira lounging next to each other. They had only been together a month and displayed behaviors of people who were married. He wondered if all humans engaged in relationships so quickly. If so, he understood Felicity's frustration with him.

Having his friend with him was cause for Spock to not be as lonely as he anticipated from the lack of interaction with Felicity, but the absence of her was something Terry could not completely fill. Also, Terry's time was divided. Wanting to constantly be around Keira but feeling bad for Spock, he had resorted to keeping her around with him at the dorm. Keira was nice enough, always to Spock, though she didn't talk much to him. Neither had much to relate with the other and opted for basic questions and Terry to segway the conversation.

Having her around though, made Spock regret not being with Felicity. Keira acted so whimsically around Terry often caring for him as a mother would, which Spock found completely undignified since he was a grown man. She would kiss him at any point in time, even out in public and very passionately. These moments made Spock wonder if Felicity had wanted to do the very same thing.

Terry threw a torn out, magazine page, air plane at Spock. "Come on, we need to do some work! Three weeks until exams, and I need to pass or else I'll be sweeping floors in the auditorium and not on the U.S.S. Liberty."

Keira slapped his chest for his antagonistic attitude. "Terry, leave him alone. He's upset and you're just making things worse by being uncaring. I wouldn't want to do anything if I had broken up with my boyfriend after a year and half."

"Vulcans do not get upset, Ms. O'Keefe. I am merely pondering the unpredictable nature of human behaviors."

Terry spoke up again, playfully tickling Keira in the process. "Didn't you take a class on that?"

"Yes I did."

"And it didn't help you any?"

"Obviously not. Trying to explain an unpredictable phenomenon is not logical."

The blonde laughed out loud. "I think her reaction to you calling her a fool was decently logical."

"Stop it!" Keira rounded on him again after which he gave her an incredulous look.

"Well it's true. I mean her overreacting like this is something I don't agree with either, but the whole argument all the way around was some big clusterfuck."

Keira nodded in agreement with her boyfriend. "That's true, I don't know if I'd just throw a whole year and a half relationship out the window."

"Ms. O'Keefe, besides the inherent impossibility of throwing something intangible out a window, Felicity and I were not considered a couple until only a month ago. Before we met you."

Terry gave Spock a mean look for reprimanding his woman. "Spock, your anger is making your logic obnoxious. Go and talk to Felicity so I don't have to deal with you all pissed off anymore."

"I am not angry. Is it so hard to comprehend that Vulcans do not feel emotions the way humans do?"

This time Keira spoke up not wanting Terry to make things worse but also caring for her friend. "But don't you miss her? Don't you want her to be around and to see and talk to her?"

"I regret her absence, but I do not feel the same emotions you would."

"Regret is an emotion isn't it? I'm just saying Spock, if you were to feel that way, no one would criticize you for it. If you ever want to talk to anyone about it, I'll listen to you, but you'll have to use smaller words." Keira smiled at him sweetly.

"Thank you for your concern, but I am fully capable of looking after myself."

Another paper plane soared through the air at Spock. "Good, then quit nagging us."

"Wait. About what you were saying before, being together for only a month...I thought you and Felicity were together for longer than a month."

Again, Terry answered a question that was not his. "Mentally yes, physically and sexually no."

Spock slowly and deliberately tore the magazine pages into small bits. "There is no need to voice the nature of that part of my relationship with Felicity." His voice was low but deadly.

"You mean like the part about how you two never had sex in the year and a half you knew each other?"

Keira punched Terry in the arm this time. "Terry. I told you to stop it."

"I can't help it, I'm just getting frustrated because I haven't had sex in two days and it's wearing away on nerves."

"Stop! Spock I'm so sorry. I can take him out for a walk if you like."

"Don't talk about me like I'm a dog." Terry playfully Keira in the shoulders.

"You're acting like one right now!" She swatted him away and turned to address Spock. "Honey, seriously though, at least talk to her before she leaves. You'll feel a lot better having everything straightened out."

Spock searched Keira's eyes for some sort of answer. "And what happens if nothing is resolved?"

"I'm sure Felicity will explain to you anything you'd like to know. She may still not want to continue a relationship, but she was always good at predicting and explaining behaviors." Keira turned to Terry. "I think she'll do fabulous on the U.S.S. Mercury. She's got her work cut out for her there."

The words affected Spock in a way he was unsure of. It was true. Felicity belonged somewhere prestigious having so many skills and keen perceptions. She did not belong on Earth.

Keira looked back over to Spock. "If you go over and talk-" She was interrupted by the bell at the door. They were all silent for a moment looking at each other, then assuming she would be the only one who would get up and answer the door, Keira left the men sitting anxiously. Who stood there was not what any of them expected.

"Where is that mother FUCKING, lowlife, pointy-eared, BASTARD?!"

The sound of Tracie's voice could definitely be heard by everyone on their floor. She shoved past Keira and stomped into the room. Completely ignoring Terry, she unleashed her full wrath on the worn Vulcan sitting at his desk.

"What the HELL were you thinking? There's no reason for you to go and be a FUCKING ass hole to Felicity. I knew you were weird, but I thought that you were different from all the fuck-faced men in this universe." Her arms were all over the air.

Spock was unbothered by the assault. "Is that how Felicity feels?"

Tracie was pointing at him now. "That's how I feel! I don't want you to fucking come around our place again. Even try and get near it, and I'll have your ass taken care of. If you fuck with me, I'll fuck with you right back."

"I understand that she is upset, but your opinion does not pertain to our argument."

"Oh yes it fucking does! She is my best friend, and I'll be DAMNED if some pointy-eared wretch of a man fucks with her."

"I was merely telling the truth and presenting the opposition."

"She's no fool and you know it."

"I do regret my choice of words, but her argument was still not logically valid."

"Just stay the fuck away from her."

"I intend to only because she told me to and not because of your intimidation."

"Whatever, good, because you don't deserve Felicity. I can't believe you even have the balls to say such things to her."

"Felicity is old enough to take care of herself. I know if there was anything she wanted to say to me, she would have come, meaning you are here on your own accord. It seems you are overreacting about an argument that didn't even involve you."

"You're just angry because you know she's right about everything."

Spock stood from his seat at the desk and took two and a half steps toward Tracie. "Quite the contrary. You are the one who is under the impression that Felicity will feel justified by you coming here. While I assume she is still upset and disagrees with me, I know she will also be contemplating my side of the argument. While having her own opinions and biases, she can still rationalize. A skill you obviously lack."

"Oh, you think so."

"It is blatant. I regret what was said by both parties, but what happens between Felicity and I is none of your concern. Therefore you have no qualms with me and must have nothing further to say."

Tracie's eyes narrowed as she glared at Spock, but she knew she was outnumbered in the small room and dramatically left, if possible, angrier than when she had entered.

The three of them were motionless in shock from the whole incident. Keira stood near the doorway still looking between Terry and Spock, Terry's mouth was hanging open in protest of the whole scene, and Spock stood staring at the door, his hands balled into fists by his side.

Terry was the first one to speak and threw his magazine across the room against the opposing wall. "Oh that's bullshit. I can't believe she came over here to bitch you out like that. Do you really think Felicity didn't have anything to do with that whole ordeal?"

Keira shook her head. She wrapped her arms around her upper body and moved to sit on the bed. "Tracie is just a fierce friend. That's what my girlfriends and I would do for each other if we ever got in a fight with a man."

"Felicity harbors such little animosity for anything, I doubt she would have wanted Tracie to come here. Besides, if she was still angry I would more than likely be able to feel it."

"What?" Keira looked at him confused.

"Vulcans are contact telepaths. That is why we don't touch as often as humans do. Either performing a mind meld or experiencing a vivid emotion from a strong physical contact allows us to understand the thoughts and feelings of those we touch. Felicity and I had a small connection, but I think it is still present enough for me to feel her more intense emotions."

She was confused and blown away as usual when talking to Spock. "Oh, wow."

Terry jumped off his bed and began shoving his shoes on his feet.

"Where are you going?" Keira watched him struggle with one of his boots.

"I want to go over there."

"Where?"

"Felicity's place. She's over there right now. I know she doesn't have any classes or anything."

Spock picked up the PADD that had been residing on his desk. "Could you take her this? It was left here."

"No way. She can get her ass up here and to get it back."

Shaking her head, Keira asked, "Why are you going over there?"

"I'm going over there to give her a piece of my mind."

It was Spock's turn to talk. "Do you not see that you are initiating the same action of Tracie's that you criticized?" Humans are so illogical.

"I don't care. I'm going." And Terry, as was his usual fashion, left confused people in his wake while embarking on a quest.

Keira turned to Spock. "Do you think he's going to yell at her?"

"Doubtful. I have never seen Terrence truly angry at someone much less yell. On the way there, he'll starting thinking about his argument in his head, almost reciting it. If he were in our dorm, he would be pacing and talking out loud. What happens is he creates counter arguments in preparation for what he is going to say. Taking the time to properly think about the opposition, Terry then starts to understand that side's reasoning. By the time he arrives at Felicity's, he will probably end up agreeing with Tracie."

*******************************************************************

Felicity sat in her center seat staring at the front of the room waiting for class to start. She was silent and tired. The conversations around her buzzed with enthusiasm, but she did not participate, as usual. It had been almost two weeks since she had last talked with Spock. It was the longest the two had ever gone without talking, and his absence was wearing on Felicity. She wanted to see him. She missed him. She was pissed at him.

Her academic career was coming to an abrupt end and Felicity's stubborn pride prevented her from meeting him again and apologizing for the things she said. Being with him was more than impossible, it was stupid. They were so different. And as fate would have it, so similar.

Spock dutifully heeded Felicity's words diligently and did not make any contact with her. She had heard from Terry, and he was livid about the predicament.

_Four days after her fight with Spock, Felicity opened her apartment door to find her disgruntled Terry on the doorstep. She knew why he was there and decided to get it over with as soon as possible._

_"Tracie just came over an bitched out Spock."_

_"That's not my problem."_

_"She's your friend. Tell her not to do that shit."_

_"Tracie can do whatever she likes. It's not up to either of us to decide what she can do. I would have preferred her to not have gone over there myself, but I can't do anything about that now, so just leave it alone, Terry."_

_"But Spock already feels bad enough. I mean, seriously, you can almost tell that he's sad; if not in his facial features at least in the way he acts apathetic about everything in the universe except for the fact that you're angry at him. Why not just talk to him?"_

_This news was interesting to Felicity. To know that he was hurting just as bad as her over their argument made her feel bad and sympathetic toward him, but it also made her feel vindicated and sadistically smug._

_"I don't want to talk to him. There is nothing I have to say or want to say."_

_"What about sorry?"_

_"Why would I say that?"_

_"Because you were being just as cynical as he was. You're just as stubborn."_

_"I don't want a relationship with him anymore, so I don't need to talk to him."_

_"You at least have to speak to him for me. I can't deal living with him anymore. I know that he was being an idiot, but this is Spock we're talking about. That's what he does best. We can't just give up on him."_

_"He's not a project. He has his own opinions, and I can't change them."_

_"But he cares about you. I know he can be difficult at times, but try living with him. I don't think I could have ever pictured a pathetic Vulcan. It's quite a sight to behold. He doesn't read, he hardly moves. At least get back together with him for another couple weeks, then dump him again after exams, so he can pass them."_

_"He called me a fool, Terry."_

_"I know, I know. He tells me five times a day. It so weird. His face is still the boring, blank 'Spock' mask, but his eyes are so incredibly sad. You just had a petty argument with each other. What if one of you die. Do you know how awful you would feel if you never made up?"_

_"Has he told you about the whole fight? Everything we've said to one another?"_

_"Yes. Again, many times."_

_"Does he realize how much of an ass he was?"_

_"Yes, but I also think you were kinda harsh with your comments about him being emotionless. You know that's far from true."_

_Felicity stared at Terry. "He called me a fool."_

_"You basically called him worse just not in one word, and you did call him pathetic."_

_"I called his argument pathetic, not him."_

_"He's a Vulcan. Saying his argument and logic is pathetic is worse I think than calling someone a fool."_

_"Whose side are you on? You say he's an idiot and then talk about all the mean things I said."_

_"I can see both points of view, and I know you can too, you're not ignorant enough to think you haven't been in the wrong with any of this. You're just too angry still to think about it properly."_

_"Have you come here to lecture me too?"_

_"No, but I know you were happy with him. Not all the time, I understand that. I just wish you would at least talk to each other again before you left."_

_"Absolutely not. If he can't accept me as I am, then there would be not point. Do you think it doesn't hurt me too? Do you think I haven't been mulling over what we've said for the past three days? We're just not compatible, Terry, I'm telling you. There really is no point talking or getting back together." Felicity concentrated on Terry more closely. "Did he ask you to come and talk to me?"_

_"He listens to you. He would do whatever you asked of him, Felicity. Of course not, but being his friend, it is my duty to tell you that I think you're wrong."_

_"Didn't you do what you just complained about Tracie?"_

_"Yes. Get over it. Your friend came to talk to him, I thought it would only be fair to come and talk to you."_

_"I guess that's only fair."_

_"Alright. Well, do you think you'll come and say goodbye to me before I leave, or are you just going to ignore the fact that we were ever friends?"_

_"Of course I'm going to come and see you, Terry. Right now though, I just want to stay away from your dorm."_

_"And will you talk to Spock sometime soon?"_

_The small woman averted her her gaze and looked at her bookshelf. "I have to finish studying from my exams."_

_He glowered at her. "Fine. I'll see you around."_

_"Terry?"_

_"Could you possibly bring me my PADD back? It fell out of my bag when I left your dorm."_

_Terry deliberated a good while. She was his friend, but she was also being pigheaded. "No. If you want it, then you can come and get it yourself. Otherwise I could have Spock bring it over."_

_"I'll borrow someone else's notes."_

_Terry shook his head and left._

Exhaustively, Felicity shook the memory out of her head. She needed to concentrate for these last few exams. All that remained was Social Interaction today and her Security Breaches and Protocols class tomorrow. After that, students would have the weekend to make final preparations before they leave the following Monday.

The girl sitting next to Felicity was chatting animatedly to her friend the next row up. While talking, the girl accidentally kicked her bag over catching Felicity's attention. Wondering if it would be 'socially unacceptable' to set the woman's bag upright, she left it alone, regrettably.

She had studied and created her own personal study guide for 'Protocols', but the fact of the matter was that no one took as good of notes as Felicity. No one. As her professor, the same old man from Ethics and Human Behavior, entered the room with the testing PADDs in his hand, Felicity knew she had to devise a way to get back her notes with as little harassment as possible.

Averting her gaze to the ground in an attempt to clear her head, she noticed the fallen bag again. It was really bothering her, but the possible yet unreasonable embarrassment from asking that girl to pick it up outweighed Felicity's obsessive compulsive. Just barely. Felicity's foot started to twitch as she stared at it. She wondered where she had gotten so much gumption to tell a Vulcan to get out of her preferred seat.

The thoughts of Spock burst past the barrier her mind had temporarily constructed. She wanted him to go with her; to be with her everywhere. It was selfish, yes, but he was perfect in her eyes. Occasionally mean, but perfect. Well, perfect couldn't really be an applicable term, because if he was indeed perfect, there would be no reason for Felicity to be angry with him. Her unrealistic optimism and personal favor-ability of him tainted her reason. She needed to think critically about the direction of her life and career right now. Love is fleeting, like everything else, and at the end of the day, the only thing one is guaranteed with is knowledge. All she had to do was make a person note of all the things she disliked about Spock, then he would be out of her thoughts sooner than being on the Mercury. But she loved him dearly and missed him more. Think about all of that would also bring to mind all of his good attributes, and that was not something she wanted to think about just yet. Felicity turned her head away from the front of the room; her body language portraying that she wanted to hide away somewhere. The bag caught her attention.

Felicity reasserted herself, straightening her back and becoming resolute to not think about any odd personality traits or infuriating Vulcans while she waited for the test.

The professor set his things on the desk at the center of the room, dropping a few PADDs in the process.

_Spock wouldn't be too bad to deal with._

Grumbling as he bent down to pick up the fallen PADDS, he flattened out the three red hairs he had on his head.

_I just have to make sure Terry isn't there. Not that it's any of his business. I can't believe he wouldn't bring my notes back._

He professor looked around the room as if to see if he could recognize anyone who might not be there.

_I wish I had Spock to study with. No! Get over it. That part of your life is done. Make new friends._

He sighed and grabbed a handful of PADDs to start handing out.

_I hope he just gives me my notes and doesn't talk. Ya right. This is Spock. He's going to lecture me a dissertation._

One of the cadets asked him a question, temporarily postponing his journey around the room.

_I love how he lectures. He'll probably be a good professor; very interesting. Move your fucking bag!_

Walking back to the desk, he looked through other various PADDs and shook his head, continuing his migration.

_Shit. I wonder if I could just do without my notes. Maybe my subconscious wants to see him, and I need an excuse to go over there without harming my ego or relinquishing my stubbornness. Hmm. That was very insightful…and probably true._

As he passed by Felicity, she crinkled her nose trying to smell as little coffee and latex as possible.

_I'm going over there right after this test, and if Terry's there, I'll punch him in the face._

She turned her objectivity off and set to work on her second to last exam.

It was a simple one. Basically a reminder of an of her behavior or psychology classes. Felicity was done in 23 minutes. Now I'm even beginning to sound like a Vulcan. She handed her PADD to the professor and walked out the door. Only one more exam stood between her and a more exciting life.

One more exam that she desperately needed her notes for, so upon reevaluation of her previous sentiments, one more exam and one surely awful conversation. Felicity was glad that her body could move without her mind having to tell it where to go. Thinking about seeing him again was almost causing a panic attack. There was a high chance that going to see him would catapult Felicity into his arms and apologize over and over again. She had been in the same predicament before, apologizing for a fight that wasn't her fault only coming to realize later that the man was probably laughing at her and congratulating himself for being a prime manipulator. It would never happen again. There was no reason to admit anything to Spock. Her past wouldn't allow her any weakness.

Felicity reached the door before she could even comprehend where she was. Her breathing was heavy and she felt lightheaded. Pushing her finger to the button for the doorbell, she didn't hear the world around her.

Terry answered the door with a big smile that faded when he saw who was waiting. Felicity pointed behind her and said to him, "Get the fuck out".

Terry looked at her for a minute and then turned his head to call out to his roommate. "Spock, I'm going out for a bit, call me if you need." He looked back at Felicity, gave her a small smile, one that was not smug in any way, and walked past.

Felicity's body moved her inside the room and to stand close to the wall as she waited for Spock to notice her. He did almost immediately.

Spock was sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard, just like the many times when they would lay together. Nothing was in his hands. He was only staring at his boots as if he wanted to destroy them. Seeing the movement out of the corner of his eye, he looked up to see an uncertain Felicity standing in his room. Spock's rapid heart stopped momentarily when he saw her almost not believing his keen senses. She looks so beautiful.

"I came to get my notes."

Spock's body didn't move for the longest time while he simply stared at her.

"Please. I need them."

Slowly, he stood from his bed, reached to the desk and picked up her PADD. He did not make one step toward her though.

"Spock."

Speaking his name woke him up. "I need to tell you why I wanted to ask you to stay on Earth."

Felicity shook her head, trying to get the transaction over with as quickly as possible. "It doesn't matter."

Spock looked at her through his eyelashes and spoke quietly. "To me it does."

"Is it going to take long. I don't have time for one of your hour long lectures."

"No. I simply want to explain my motives."

"Fine."

"I asked you to remain on Earth, so we could be together and explore the possibilities of our relationship. I had drawn the conclusion that we were not compatible based on your needs and my reservations, and apologize for not voicing my concerns to you sooner, but I was not aware how to address the situation. After we started engage in a more personal relationship, I began to think we were very compatible."

His words were breaking her, and she needed a way out to preserve her honor. "Maybe your original conclusions were right, Spock. I'm not compatible with any man who calls me a fool."

"If you would think about your argument, you would see the many fallacies."

"And that would constitute calling me a fool?"

"In reference to the exact definition, yes."

"You know, I always thought is was such an awful feeling to be fighting with someone, a guy for instance, and in the heat of the moment he calls you, let's just say, a bitch. You feel like crap for the next week or so questioning your worth, but eventually realize that he only said that because he was mad. This is so much worse than that Spock, because you weren't angry. You were being completely logical and truthful."

"In retrospect, I would have chosen a different noun, and I believe that I was under some emotional duress during our argument...I misconstrued your desire to leave as a means to starting a new life without me involved. I am very aware now that, that is not the case."

"I think you and I both need to concentrate on our studies right now and not see each other."

"And after we graduate?"

"You're staying and I'm leaving. What are you confused about?"

"Why are you being so stubborn?"

"It's just how I am, Spock. Don't criticize me for that."

"Do you forgive my insult?"

"Not right now and not anytime soon."

"It is very unlike you to hold a grudge this long."

"What would it matter Spock if I forgave you? I still would never be able to touch you without fear of crossing any personal boundaries. I still could never empathize with you, and you'll always be around to explain why my emotions are illogical."

"I assess you, appropriate to my way of thinking, as do you. You see me through the eyes of a human. Your judgment is based on human beliefs, expectations, morals and experiences. I had always thought that you took the time to base your opinions of me outside your way of thinking and try to see things as a Vulcan would."

"And have I not done that? I have taken the time to explain many facets of humanity to you and tried to eloquate them in a way that would make sense to you. Shit, I have tried my hardest not to pounce on you knowing full well that you would just push me away. I understand you. And I understand that I see you as a human would. I also understand that you see me as a Vulcan would; absolutely illogical. You refuse to accept that humans can be both emotional and productive. We can balance both our feelings and reason."

"I do accept that, Felicity."

"Yes, ok, you can accept it but cannot relate to it, and since it is different, you criticize it, when in fact, it's an amazing feat to juggle both. It shows our resilience to heartbreak as a species."

Weariness blanketed Spock's features. "Do you at least understand my point of view?"

"About your argument? Yes, very much so. I have had the same argument with my parents many times. Calling me a fool because you were supposedly angry? I could try to imagine that Spock, but in the almost two years I've known you, never have you used that as an excuse. I'm not putting it completely past you being half-human, but I still don't want to talk to you."

"Why?"

"I've never been too overtly arrogant. I try not to let things get to my head. Any sort of power or control my biological parents had that I would eventually inherit if I wanted does not entice me. I don't want to be the captain of a starship. I don't want to market my art. All I want is an existence where I can do something, go places but not be the center of attention. You calling me a fool has made me question everything about myself. Have I always been a fool? Am I not as intelligent as I thought I was? Am I really not good enough to be on the U.S.S. Mercury? Spock, you have made me question my life, and it's not fair."

"That was not my intent. You know full well that I would never say such a thing with the sole purpose of making you feel that way. Similarly, if you cannot feel confident enough in your skills and abilities without having one comment derail your whole outlook on thinking, perhaps it was needed."

"Please don't."

"You have shaken my judgment about ideas and concepts many times, so I have had to alter my viewpoint. There is no reason why you cannot do the same."

"Having a degree in criminology and human behavior, I am naturally the first to admit for my shortcomings knowing what they are, but that does not mean I can change them that easily."

"Your shortcomings are few, Felicity, trust me."

"Not as few as yours. Perhaps you're better off with someone more perfect."

"That attribute is subjective."

The silliness about being concerned over such a thing as proper word usage when there were greater matters at hand was something Felicity found endearing. His logic never failed him, even in moments when she could tell he was hurting. "I have to go. Tracie and I are leaving tomorrow after my last exam to see a comedy show and I haven't gotten anything ready."

Spock took the first step towards her since she had walked in and handed her the PADD. "Do you wish for me to call on you later?"

"No. Don't come over. Don't bother me. Go out and find yourself a nice girl who's not as weird as me."

Spock thought it would be logical to speak concisely. "I only want you." He allowed the vulnerability to seep into his skin. Not since he was a boy had he ever said something so selfish.

Those four words sent her into an alternate reality of a passionate Spock fervently demonstrating his passion for her. It would never be that way.

"I have to go." Felicity started turning around even before all the words were out of her mouth. Feet carrying her as fast as possible away from the scene. Not that it mattered much. It replayed over and over in her mind.

Once out of the dormitories, Felicity broke off into a run, sprinting across the academy grounds. Only until she reached the building her apartment was at did she slow to a walk. Her chest heaved while she tried to get a sufficient amount of oxygen to tired muscles. Felicity marched up to the porch, the same one that she and Spock had their first kiss at, and all but broke the door down in an attempt to get in.

Tracie was sitting on the couch eating a sandwich and watching the news. The sight of the raddled Felicity worried her. "Why are you so out of breath?"

Felicity threw her things on the living room floor and shrugged her shoulders, not looking at Tracie. "I ran across campus."

"Why did you do that?"

"I went and saw Spock today."

Tracie's eyes became huge and she set her sandwich down on the mahogany coffee table. "No you didn't."

"Yes. I had to get my notes back from him. They're the notes for tomorrow's test, and I really needed them." She waived the PADD at the RN.

"I would have gotten them for you."

"It's fine, really. Spock and I just talked about...things. It was good actually. I'm glad I went to see him." Trying to sound nonchalant didn't seem to be working.

"What exactly did you talk about?"

"The argument, obviously and the possibility of us getting together again...kinda...sort of."

"And? Are you going to go back out with him?"

Felicity shook her head resolutely. "No."

"Good, because I would hate to have to go over there again and give him another piece of my mind."

"Ya, thanks a lot for making all my friends angry at me."

"Am I not your friend? Are we not going to see some awesome comedy show tomorrow after your exam?"

"You're more like family that I never see because you work all the time. Do you have any idea how lonely I've been without being able to see Terry or Spock?"

"I have been spending more time with you." She replied indignantly.

The frustration of the day was wearing on Felicity and she didn't want to listen to Tracie's harping any longer. "Doing what? We never do anything except watch boring videos and I listen to you bitch about work. It's funny and all Tracie, but I don't want to hear every single fucking thing you have to say."

Tracie narrowed her eyes at her best friend. "Well fine."

That set Felicity off even more. "Don't! You tell me off as if it's the easiest thing in the world but then you begrudge me for speaking my mind to you. Especially when I want to complain. You always have to put in your two credits worth, and when I don't even give a shit what you have to say. Sometimes I like you better when you don't talk."

"Jesus. You really shouldn't have seen him today. You're all pissed off."

"No, I'm just tired of him, tired of your bullshit, tired of school and cannot wait to leave all of this behind."

"You're looking forward to leaving me?"

"For a while, yes."

"I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything. I..." Felicity was at a loss for words. She didn't know what to do or how to make sense of everything. "I'm going to make some of my soup."

"The weird Polish kind?"

"Barszcz? Yep."

"Where are you going to get the ingredients?"

"There's a small store not far away, and I know they'll be open." She was pacing around the living room, picking up her bag and finding her shoes to put back on her feet.

"Why not replicate it?"

"Because I need to get away from you for one lousy, fucking second to be able to think properly and walking to the store is a perfect excuse."

It was the second time that day she walked out on someone.

It took so long for everything to cook; about four hours of constantly checking the different pots, and preparing the different parts of the soup. Felicity knew that she should have been spending the time studying. Failing at the very end would be awful, but she couldn't concentrate on Breaches and Protocols. Any time that she looked at the note PADD, her thoughts drifted back to Spock, which led to completely forgetting what chapter she was studying.

When everything was done, Felicity made herself three big bowls, gulping greedily at the food. She hadn't eaten much all day and was exhausted from the hassles of school, love, friends and cooking. When thinking about it in that context, it seemed pitiful to be so dramatic about such things, but Felicity didn't care. She was pissed and she welcomed it.

Tracie walked into the living room and stood opposite of Felicity, with the bar separating the dining area and the living room between them. "Come here."

Felicity set down her last bowl of soup for the night. "I don't want to."

"Come in my bedroom right now."

Hopping from her seat on a counter top, Felicity followed Tracie into her room. Both sat on the bed, and Tracie spoke first.

"Did anything bad happen between you and Spock when you went over there?"

"I just told him how I felt. He tried to explain his actions to me, and I understood them pretty much, and then he said he wanted me back. No, he said verbatim, 'I only want you'. What does that mean? I mean I know what it means but why even bother saying it."

"Fuck him! Fuck all men! I gave up on them years ago remember?"

"Yes I remember."

"And do you remember all those times with Psycho that he would blame you for everything. When he would not bother to call and be out until four-fucking-o-clock in the morning? Remember that too, because you don't need that again."

"Yes I do remember it, Tracie. This is a bit different though. Spock doesn't stay out til four in the morning."

"The point of the matter is that you don't ever need to apologize to any man, ever."

"I disagree. There are things that I know are my fault, but I don't feel like arguing with you right now, and if you start up again, I'm walking right back into my room and closing the door."

They were silent for a moment. Tracie still wanted to discuss the visit but knew Felicity would be true to her word. "So then, are you excited about tomorrow."

Felicity took in a long deep breath and exhaled before she spoke. "Yes. I still have to pack some things and stay up all night to study for my last exam. This last one is going to be very difficult."

"I'd think it would be very rudimentary for you."

"You need some new words." She smiled at the overused pun.

"Well you apparently haven't been around me enough lately for me to learn some." Tracie used her words to try and lighten the mood more, but they only sounded hostile.

"Tracie, I have had a lot of studying to do." Felicity moved to get up.

"Wait."

"What?"

She couldn't stand not talking about it. "I still can't believe you fucking went over there."

"I had to. I had to see him."

"Why? He's an asshole like every other man."

Fire ignited in Felicity's eyes. "No he's not, Tracie."

"Make up your mind whether or not you hate him."

"Leave me alone and quit fucking with my personal life. Really, it's none of your business." Felicity walked out of Tracie's room as quickly as possible and crawled into her bed right before the flood of tears came.

***************************************************************

Felicity walked around the main shuttle bay hanger of the academy. She watched the excited cadets and new lieutenants review their ship assignments. The previous schooling she had, combined with her two years at the Starfleet, was the reason Felicity was able to wear her beautiful, black uniform. She stuck out lick a sore thumb in the sea of red uniforms and eager faces.

The shuttles taking her and her now colleagues to the U.S.S. Mercury were not scheduled to leave for four more hours. Looking through the numerous faces, Felicity spotted her goal standing next to another black uniform.

Terry and Spock were standing together talking. No doubt saying their 'goodbyes'. Even with all of the students and shuttles headed for the U.S.S. Liberty, Terry, in his red uniform, stood casually with his arms crossed over his chest making no effort to rush. Spock, in his black uniform, stood his usual ramrod straight with his hands clasped behind his back. Felicity had a miniature debate in her head whether or not to approach the two. In the end, the desire to say goodbye to Terry far outweighed her desire to stay away from Spock.

She walked toward the two men in a hurry knowing that Terry only had so long before he would have to leave.

They noticed her coming. One of the very few black uniforms in the predominantly red hanger. She was also making her way right to them while everyone else wandered excitedly about. Terry was happier than he had been in the last few weeks and seeing Felicity before he left only made him all the merrier.

Felicity hugged him once she was within reaching distance. Terry hugged her back tightly, feeling bad for the other friend at his side but not wanting to miss a proper goodbye with the one at hand. When they parted, the two stood and looked each other over.

Terry was his typical, exuberant self. Happy to be party of the party. His blonde, short hair combed nicely to the side instead of being carefree and all over the place. Blue eyes were lit up like the stars.

Felicity looked sad and tired. She did not smile when she hugged him or even after; she was too sad that he was going. Her hair was pulled tightly back with a rubber band and any wisps of hair were securely fastened.

"Hey." Terry smiled his smile at Felicity, happy to see his friend that he had desperately missed for the past four month.

"Hi, Terry." Felicity's own smile broke out. She turned and nodded to acknowledge Spock. "Commander."

"Hello, Felicity." She had forgotten how glorious her name sounded rolling off his tongue.

"As promised, I came to wish you luck and see you off to your assignment." She looked around the two of them. "Where's Keira?"

Terry pointed to one of the shuttles preparing for departure. "She's already on her shuttle. Said she didn't want to risk missing the ship."

"Well, tell her good bye for me. I'll miss you both."

"Don't worry. We'll be back in a year. It's only a short mission."

"You'll be missed until you return."

"I better be! Well, I'll miss you both and will be seeing you in a year!" With the last call for cadets. Terry ran off to his shuttle waving goodbye to Spock and Felicity. Being ill-adapt to social protocols, Felicity wasn't sure how she could leave without acknowledging Spock. As she formulated a quick plan in her head, he spoke, much to her disappointment.

"You are still leaving I understand."

Felicity contemplated not answering and walking away, but truth be told, Spock still held a large part of her heart. "In four hours." She did not look at him.

"Permission to speak freely, Commander?" Spock gazed at her tiredly. The sudden use of her title forced Felicity's surprised attention to his face. Long, slim and angular with gorgeous dark features. His brow was fractionally furrowed and his face was calm. But as always, Spock's eyes told Felicity the truth in his heart. Looking into them, Felicity's own heart almost broke.

"Permission granted."

Spock looked around the hanger feeling self conscious. "I do not want you to go."

"Spock, don't. The sh-"

"I apologize for everything I said to you. If there is a way to stop you from leaving, tell me."

Felicity looked at the open hanger door and shook her head. "I have to-"

"I care for you. I know you are aware of that, but I needed to say it." Spock took two steps closer to Felicity. "I implore you to stay." The agony in his voice was becoming apparent.

She had to protect herself, not to mention a new and exciting career ahead of her. Felicity square her shoulders determined to wash her hands of the past. "I have this assignment and wouldn't trade it for anything. Any fool could see the benefits of working on a galaxy-class starship versus teaching at a school." Her words were sharpened before they even left her mouth.

And they tore through Spock as intended. The Vulcan bowed his head unable to think of anything else that would persuade her to stay. After a few moments of futile pondering, Spock turned and walked away, leaving a pathetic Felicity where she stood. She could taste the bile in her mouth from the hatred of herself. How could I even say that? It sounded so much better in her head, but it had been said, and now tore through Felicity too. Breathing became difficult, and she searched for a place to sit down.


	12. Pathos

"Tracie, you have lipstick on your teeth."

"Oh my God, what am I going to do without you for three years?"

Felicity and Tracie were standing together on the Starfleet Academy grounds. All of Felicity's belongings she was taking were packed and already prepared on the shuttle crafts that would be carrying the previous students away from Earth. It was weird to say the least. Saying goodbye to someone who was such a big part of your life for so long, then turning around and leaving them. Felicity seemed to have a knack for abrupt endings in her life. And they never got any easier.

"You do promise to contact me every night right?"

"Are you kidding? You'll probably be in bed before I'm even done with my shifts."

"I'll try and call on you tomorrow night. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good, if you can figure out how to work the computer. I'll be lucky if I see you on my screen any time before I come back." She smiled mischievously.

"Get the fuck off this planet." Tracie shooed Felicity away after they hugged each other tightly.

"I fully intend to." Felicity turned her back on her best friend and walked into the academy shuttle bay hanger.

The ride to the ship did not take long, an hour and a half at the most. Felicity watched out the window, because she had to have a window, as the small shuttle moved off the ground, past Earth's atmosphere and into the dark of space. The destination was Earth's closest spacedock where all the newly loaded galaxy-class starships were harbored. The U.S.S. Mercury was one of the last ships to embark on its mission, so there were very few ships left at the station.

Not many previous students were on the shuttle. The Mercury had already been in commission for two years and had most of the crew it needed. As the transportation docked in shuttle bay, the young, spry new graduates prepared to evacuate, and even with all the excitement that buzzed between them, they filed one by one out of the small shuttle.

An officer in a gold uniform waited for them all to disembark and called out their names making sure everyone was accounted for and giving them their first orders on the ship. Everything moved so fast, Felicity was barely able to keep up with everything.

"Commander Windsor, you are to report to sickbay for all inoculations."

"What deck is that on?"

"Deck twelve."

"Thank you." Felicity said as she followed other some cadets to the turbolift.

Arriving in sickbay, she saw that there were dozens of crewmen and officers getting physicals and final vaccinations before the mission. Felicity was directed to a bed to wait for the next available doctor or nurse.

She waited for a few minutes watching the bustle of the room when a young man with shoulder length brown hair walked up to her. His face was hard and he seemed bothered by all of the commotion.

When he spoke, it was gruff and dispassionate. "When was the last time you got your vaccination against symbiotic slugs?" He snatched out PADDs from nurses arms as they walked by.

"Uh...about two years ago."

"Well you need a new one. Just sit right there and I'll be back." And as quickly as he came, he left. Felicity contemplated her situation while sitting and hoped that the man returned as soon as possible. She was in desperate need of a shower before she had to report for duty.

While she sat contemplating all the interesting things she would find out, another person approached her. A doctor from the looks of his uniform. Very different from the man who she had just talked with. His eyes were serious to the point of ire, and he was shorter than the man, not by much, but had broader shoulders. There was also they main differences that could be noted between them. The previous doctor did not have pointed ears and eyebrows.

"Are you still waiting?"

If his demeanor had been any less awful, Felicity might have felt nostalgic seeing a Vulcan, but she was almost afraid of his emotionless glare. "No. One of the doctors is helping me."

He gaze was hostile, and his voice cold. Not at all what Felicity was used to. "There are only three doctors on this ship. Doctor Gallentine, Dr. Ku-lak and myself, Dr. Kat-tah. Since all three of which do not be appear to helping you, even me, I would suspect you are referring to one of the nurses."

"Probably then." She looked away.

"How long have you been waiting?"

The enmity she encountered so far on the ship was astounding. Felicity hoped that never got sick or needed to visit sickbay for any reason during her mission. "Only a few minutes."

"Who is helping you?"

"He didn't say his name. He had long, dark hair and was about this tall." Felicity held her hand up about a foot above her head in an attempt to indicate height. The contemptuous Vulcan stalked off and left her sitting there like the other man.

It took another ten or fifteen minutes until Felicity got so fed up, she went to scout out a doctor. Seeing a man wear the appropriate blue, medical shirt, she tapped on his shoulder and spoke. "Excuse me, I am supposed to be at my post in an hour, and I was wondering how much longer this should take."

The man turned around and eyed Felicity curiously. His brows were knit together in the center and tapered upwards until they dissipated. The points on them were just as sharp as the points on his ears. Really?

"How long have you been waiting?" the Vulcan asked her calmly.

"About twenty minutes."

"Do you know what it is that you require?"

"A symbiotic slug vaccination."

"One moment." He ushered her to a table to sit on and obtained a PADD to check on her statistics.

"How come it only takes you one minute to do this while it takes the other Vulcan and some mean looking guy forever?"

"I doubt both would take forever. They would get to you eventually."

Reprimanding herself for momentarily forgetting that she was not talking with a normal species, Felicity sighed and looked at the ground. "Oh. Right."

The Vulcan continued as if they were best friends, at least what one would expect from a Vulcan best friend. "My brother is chief medical officer on this ship. He is the one who addresses insubordination for all medical personnel. I am sure he was merely reiterating his position over Lieutenant Commander Gallentine."

His gabbing was not something she expected. "Who?"

"The first man attempting to help you was Gallentine, and the other Vulcan that looked similarly identical to me was my brother, Kat-tah."

"He's your brother?"

"Twin."

"I have never met Vulcan twins before."

"You have now." He lifted his hand and hesitated, then he slowly lowered it and extended it to Felicity. "Dr. Ku-lak."

"Felicity Windsor." She shook his hand and watched interestedly as he continued his work. His odd disposition made her feel upbeat, and she tried to see if she could continue conversation with him. "Why is the other man being insubordinate?"

"One could only assume from the complexities of human emotions, but I have been told by various colleagues that he is uneasy with my brother's command. Gallentine used to be chief medical officer until we were transferred here, and has not readily relinquished command."

Felicity was quiet while Ku-lak checked his PADD. She caught sight of a disgruntled Gallentine and stoic Kat-tah emerging from a private room. "I get the feeling that your brother isn't much of a socialite."

Ku-lak did not look up. "He is introverted, but he does his job exceptionally."

She decided to continue the conversation to take her mind off the possibility that she might me late for her first day on duty. "How long have you two been on this ship?"

"We were on the U.S.S. Endeavor, then transferred here four days ago."

He was new just like her. "Have you two always served together."

"Yes. We have never been on separate missions."

This made Felicity think of her own sister. They hardly ever talked, Felicity preferring to talk to someone in person rather than by communication, but they still loved each other dearly. She briefly wondered what it would be like to be able to have her sister around all the time. "That must be nice. How did you come to be on this ship?"

"The Federation gave us various options. We preferred this vessel due to the medical intrigues investigations have to offer."

Interesting. "How were you given a choice for the ship you wanted to be on?"

"My brother engineered a way to conduct an inter-species blood transfusion to Bolians."

Felicity had no idea what he had said. If he had spoken more slowly then she might have been able to grasp it. "That's good."

Ku-lak produced a hypo-injection with the necessary medication in it and gently placed it against her neck. The device made a "Whoosh-ing" noise as the medicine entered her bloodstream. He removed his hands and continued talking. "In some months, this vessel should be accommodating a Bolian ambassador, and it was considered logical to have my brother and his abilities on this ship to prevent any possibly fatal harm coming to the ambassador."

Felicity was thoroughly impressed with his congeniality. He was still a Vulcan, but he sure did like to talk. "You're very generous with your information."

"There is nothing I would have to hide."

"No, I wouldn't think so, but it's nice to be able to talk with someone who can speak at lengths about interesting things."

He regarded her with his emotionless eyes. "You consider me interesting?"

"Vulcans hold a special place in my heart you could say. I find your species very fascinating." Felicity immediately regretted the words as they left her mouth. They only caused her more pain that she did not need on her first day.

"Is that meant to be taken as a compliment?"

"Yes, Ku-lak."

"Thank you." He checked his PADD again quickly reviewing the information. "You are now up-to-date on your vaccinations. Do you know where your quarters are, or do you require assistance finding the location?"

"I know where they are, thank you. It was very nice to meet you." Felicity hopped off her perch as Ku-lak efficiently took his leave of her. A very interesting experience.

Truth of the matter was that Felicity did know where her room was, but she had no idea which turbolift would take her closest. She had to ask a couple people while making her way to the general area. She was staying on deck ten, two decks away.

After getting lost for a minimal amount of time, Felicity finally found her room. She punched in the code that was given to her to gain entrance and stepped inside.

The undermining chaos of the room frightened her. Things were not symmetrical, and before she would be able to get any sleep, she would have to rearrange the furniture. It's not fair. A desk was in the middle of the room for what unknown reason. The computer found its home on another table in the corner. There was no progression from the living area to the...what could it be called...working area? Even the couch, trying hard to separate the two distinct regions looked unbalanced in the middle of the room. The common theme of color was cool blues and greys. Very dreary. She was immediately glad to have brought some of her paintings to liven things up.

The bedroom was just as boring but much more symmetrical with the small bed against the opposing wall, a night stand next to it and a short dresser at the foot of the bed. Felicity's bags were waiting for her in the room as was a collection of red, Starfleet issued uniforms. She grabbed one of the dressed and scampered to the bathroom.

There was hardly enough time for her to wash and get ready before her shift. Not that there would be much to do. The afternoon consisted mainly of familiarizing herself with the tools and systems she would need to use to conduct her job accordingly.

Walking down the brightly lit, beige corridors, Felicity found the turbolift nearest to her quarters and made her way down to the security deck.

"Deck 22."

She reported to the head of internal investigations. He was a Mazarite and a good foot taller than Felicity with broad shoulders. The folded skin flaps over his ears drew attention to the white hair on the side of his head, but it was his dark, piercing eyes that were what drew Felicity in. They were alight with wisdom and life. For her, there was no judgment to be found in his irises, and she could not help but stare into their depths.

"I'm Commander Marovin." his voice was a rich baritone.

Felicity ejected her hand out from her side. He gripped it firmly but gently as if assessing her strength of character. "Commander Felicity Windsor."

Only one side of his cheek went up as he smiled a crooked, mischievous smile. "Your reputation proceeds you, Ms. Windsor. We received a lengthy recommendation about you from Commander Loring."

This was news to her. "Thank you sir."

He handed her a PADD. "These are your list of coordinates to scan for the day."

Felicity took the PADD and looked it over. She nodded understanding the basics of what she would have to be doing. Remembering a question loitering in the back of her mind, she spoke her thoughts to her superior officer. "I wasn't expecting to wear a red uniform"

"Is there something wrong with it?"

"No, I just thought I would wear a blue one."

"You are security, am I not mistaken?"

"You're right. I just keep seeing this picture of me in a blue uniform." Right at that moment, the recollection of the dream she had, had weeks before turned on the light switch of her realization. "Oh, I know where it's from now. Never mind."

Marovin eyed her speculatively. "You are a very interesting woman."

"That's what people have been telling me my whole life." She shrugged.

"Are you upset with that?"

"No, I'm used to it."

"Well, enough banter. For future reference, Commander, I don't want to hear any academy bullshit repeated here, do you understand? You are no longer in the academy, and I don't want to hear you sound like a dictionary regurgitating information."

Felicity didn't know how to respond. He seemed so personable then changed like the wind. Curious about what he meant though, she asked, "Like what?"

"Theories, psychological analysis and anything that gives reason and mitigating circumstances."

"But that's why we're here, to explain."

"No it's not. If you wanted to do that, I'd suggest you make a request for transfer to a research ship. We investigate here. The U.S.S. Mercury is head of security for Starfleet, the security flagship if you will, and we initiate action and find things out. We use hard, tangible evidence, not some bohemian thought process."

Felicity pressed on wishing for him to understand her. Which, from a mitigating viewpoint, was quite arrogant and unnecessary when addressing your boss. "Understanding the criminal thought process is important. There had to be some sort of agenda to a crime."

"In this universe, everyone is capable of harm and an agenda. Our job is to find out who, not why. Any objections?"

"What if I still want to talk about 'why'? I think it's important."

"Then talk about it to yourself and not me." Felicity was taken aback by his rude tone and didn't want to risk saying anything more to him. He was her new boss, and she didn't want him to hate her for the next three years.

Noticing her discomfort, Marovin asked, "Are you upset that I disillusioned you?" Felicity still didn't speak emotionally wrecked from her day thus far. She simply nodded instead. "And you think I'm mean, right?" He lifted both eyebrows at her. The act bringing to mind another person who often did the same.

"A bit."

"Don't worry. I'm much nicer once I'm positive you know how to do your job to the best of your abilities. If you can figure out both 'who' and 'why', my dear, then that is fantastic. I only require you to answer one."

Felicity sat down at an empty work station and was silently gathering her thoughts. "What do you want me to do?"

"Work on better acquainting yourself with the long range scanners." Marovin placed one of his delicately manicured fingers on the computer screen Felicity was observing. "Do you see that? That tiny spec right there?"

"Yes."

"What do you think that is?"

"Some sort of space anomaly."

"Could be, but it could also be debris from a collision or an attacked starbase or ship. That piece of matter could be the necessary piece to finding out a mystery. Don't let something even as small as that get past you."

"What should I do?"

Marovin pointed to the controls next to the screen. "Engage your long range sensors to scan the composition of the object. Find out what type of material it is. If it's nothing substantial, disregard it, but if it could be important, use the tractor beam and pull it in for further observation."

Felicity pressed the buttons to try and determine what the disturbance in her sensor was. The information for composition was soon loaded on the screen. "Meteor debris. Nothing of significance."

The Mazarite nodded his head before he wandered off to help acquaint other newcomers to their posts. "Good."

It had been an exhausting day. One that needed to be erased from her mind, as long as she still retained the information of her job. Her quarters were still in chaos, but she had no energy left for rearranging. She wanted something, some sort of relief from the pain she still felt from earlier.

Going to sickbay and having her first substantial conversation with a Vulcan on the ship was hard. Kat-tah was odd but being near him was not as bad as being around Ku-lak who though much shorter and substantial, acted very much like Spock. Except his eyes, they held no pretense of emotion, just logical curiosity. That discriminating feature was the only thing that kept her lungs from closing down.

The image of his shattered demeanor haunted the past hours of her day, even lingering in the back of her mind during the busiest moments.

Felicity knew Tracie would want to talk but couldn't bother with that. She only wanted to purge the emotions from her body, yet there was no desire to paint, no words to write. She thought about drawing a portrait of Spock but couldn't bring herself to concentrate that much on the infernal Vulcan.

A brilliant idea came to create without having to adhere to the constraints of traditional art.

Felicity had acquired an enormous amount of magazines over the two years of living with Tracie and being friends with Terry. It was really amazing to even find any at all. If Felicity wanted to find information, she used her computer, not a glossy-paged, picture book. She decided to finally put them to good use, and went to her room tearing through the luggage and strewing clothes and trinkets all over the floor. Locating a hole puncher from her art supplies she had brought with her, Felicity started to punch out tiny circles of black, skin tones, browns, greens, reds and whites.

********************************************************************

It took her two weeks. Punching and pasting. Punching and pasting. That was all she did besides sleep when she wasn't on duty. The canvas was painted a jade green, in reference to being jaded, and over that was an outline of a portrait. Felicity's portrait, from graduation. Not being one to ever want to paint someone she knew in fear of not making everything look perfect, Felicity opted to do a picture of herself with the mosaic dots. She was smiling and looking over her right shoulder to the camera.

The black dots were used to color in her uniform, the skin-toned were for her skin, quite obviously, the browns were the hair, the greens were the irises, reds were lips and the white ones made the teeth. It was a small picture; it had to be so she wouldn't be punching and pasting for the rest of her mortal life, but it was still so intriguing. By no means did the person look like her save for the fact that it was a woman with shoulder length, brown hair.

Once finished, Felicity admired it a good while, commending her effort, but she felt like it still needed more. There should be more abstraction to it, providing a balance of unity and discontinuity. So around her mosaic body, Felicity wrote five words in paint; "Alone" "Pain" "Dead" "Fail" in dark green and "Love" in pink.

There was meaning and emotion behind it, she was sure of, what exactly the piece meant, was what she didn't know. And so Felicity sat at her station on the security deck one day thinking. _Is it about how love sucks? Wouldn't love be in green then too? Shouldn't I have already had all this figured out before I even did something like this? I am so bored. Maybe when I get off here soon, I'll add a little more to it. Well, I don't know it's busy looking enough. I wonder what Spock is doing right now. Probably nothing of significance, not that I am either, but it does make me feel better knowing he might be as bored as I am. Who am I kidding? He would never be bored, because he always spends his time efficiently. Why can't I stop thinking about him, and why am I such a bitch? I know that's the problem to the equation, I am a bitch, and there's nothing I can do about it. I really hope he's with some nice girl, that's the least he deserves for wasting his time on me for a year and a half. Why am I saying this? Fuck him, he isn't worth my time. Right, I say that, but who takes up most of the time in my thoughts? Good job, Felicity. I need to get a life._

"Commander Windsor, you have an incoming communication from Earth. Would you prefer to take it in your quarters since your shift has been over for the past five minutes?" Marovin's face was inches away from her's. She wasn't sure how long he had been like that either.

Felicity stumbled out of her seat, excited beyond words to be done for the day, and sprinted out the door as she yelled back. "Yes, Marovin. Please patch it through there."

Practically skipping back to her quarters, Felicity punched in the code to gain entry and glided to the desk which was now properly against a wall that held her computer.

Tracie's familiar face popped onto the screen. Felicity could not bear to waste the opportunity to roast her friend. "Oh my God! How were you even able to contact me? I was sure that was beyond your skill!"

The RN scowled at her. "Fuck you."

Felicity smiled and felt a sudden emptiness from the time she no longer spent with Tracie. The two barely talked an hour or two every few weeks compared to the every night stories.

"I miss you, a lot. I really can't handle not having you here with me."

Nodding her head vigorously, Felicity replied, "I know, I miss you too. I really miss your stories. I was telling an security friend of mine the other day about all the bullshit you encounter in your life. I mean, really, you do come up with some doozies."

"Speaking of stories...I have an AMAZING one for you."

Felicity laughed without needing to know any details. "I would love to hear it!"

"Ok. So this all happened in one day. Everything started happening while I was at work. I was at my sitting at my desk typing up prescriptions for a patient and...do you remember Rude Roy? Well, he comes and plops his fat fucking ass on the chair next to me and leans over the desk, and he...oh..." Tracie moved her jaw up and down while shaking her head in unadulterated anger. "He, he starts LOOKING THROUGH other patients CHARTS! And I wanted to go, 'Are you FUCKING KIDDING me?'. I mean you can't just walk in like you own the place and start searching through other people's shit! That is their classified medical information, and the FAT MOTHER FUCKER checks it all out like he fucking owns it!

"Then, this maaaaaassive, old black man comes in, really angry, really fucking angry because his finger hurts. I think I'll say that again, this massive, old fuck of a man comes in really fucking angry because his FINGER...hurts. On his way in does he not only bitch to me and Cathy, when Dr. Cook is checking him out, HE FUCKING BITCHES TO DR. COOK! He actually says Dr. Cook doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about! He basically questions everything Dr. Cook knows! Oh, I wanted to slap his sorry ass. So he gets all of his prescriptions and walks out into the hall to bitch to Sarah, the receptionist, and I'm still in the back with Dr. Cook. I fucking tell Dr. Cook the FIRE that patient. I'm like, 'Dr. Cook, that man is an asshole and I think you should fucking fire him!'." Tracie's voice rose about 4 octaves while saying the last three words.

"But then I thought, no, Dr. Cook is a wonderful doctor, and I'm not going to let anyone bitch him out. So I march my ass right up to the front of the building where he was talking to Sarah, and right when I walked out the hallway door and got to where he was standing,my ass slipped and fell on the floor. NOT that, that in any way threw me from my mission. I mean this was a fucking quest I was on, so I picked myself up off that floor and stomped over to him like some child having a tantrum, and I said to that mother fucker, "I CAN'T believe you would SAY something like that to Dr. Cook! Your ass has to say all that BULLSHIT to him and questions his knowledge while that man is trying to HELP your sorry ass! You are ABSOLUTELY RIDICULIOUS!'. And God help him if that man did not look at me like the crazy white girl I was. He actually backed up a few paces away from me. But I waited a moment just staring at him then say, 'I'M SERIOUS!'. And that mother fucker looks away and just kinda mumbles, 'I know'."

"Tracie. I cannot believe your ass wiped out when trying to bitch to someone. I mean, that's not unlike you, but I can just so easily picture it, that it completely makes day."

"OH! That's not even the half of it. I mean, being the little mouse that roared to the big, angry, black man just put me in that mood where I felt I could conquer everything. Alright. All of that happens at work. After work, Cathy and I went out-"

"You actually went out!?" Felicity asked truly surprised.

"Well I've got to do something to take my mind off you not being here with me. Anyway, we went out to eat and go shopping. While we're eating, we had gone to this small, casual restaurant I've been too a few times, and so Cathy orders this salad. This thing is supposed to be HUGH, being able to eat it for three days huge, and what Cathy gets is just bigger than a side salad portion. And she is trying to be all nice like, 'Oh, it's not a big deal' and 'I won't worry about it', but I was on the fucking war-path that day, so I said 'No. We're getting this fixed'.

"I call the waiter over and go ahead and tell him to bring the manager. I didn't want to talk to the fucking waiter, I wanted the big fucking gun. So this guy that apparently OWNS the restaurant comes over and asks us what we needed, and I ripped him a new one. I said, 'Are you changing items on the menu?' he says, 'No', 'Well then why did the salad we just order, the massive one, just come out in a bowl that I couldn't even fit my whole tit in?'" Tracie pointed to an invisible bowl in front of her. "And was all apologies, 'I'm so, so sorry. Let me go fix that' and goes and gets us TWO new salads. The whole time Cathy is just laughing, but I got her ass a free fucking salad so she loved it.

"Then, we go out shopping for a little bit before I want to pass the fuck out and go to bed, you know. I'm standing on one side of this table in some store Cathy wanted to go in. And...there is this man...on the other side of the fucking table with his back to me. While we are standing there, he FUCKING FARTS right in my direction! And it was loud and sounded like...those machine guns people used hundreds of years ago. It was the weirdest sounding fart I have ever heard in my life. I wanted to give this man the benefit of the doubt. I wanted for him to think he was alone, turn around, see me and think, 'SHIT!' to himself. OH FUCK NO! He turns only his head and looks at me with a look that says, 'Tough luck' and FUCKING WALKS AWAY!"

"W o w. That was a pretty good one, or five. I can't really tell how many stories that was."

"See? Aren't you sad now that you left? You would still be able to hear all my stories like this."

Felicity mock-debated the idea momentarily. "No, I'm still glad I left." Tracie rolled her eyes and both women started laughing.

After the amusement subsided, Tracie turned thoughtful. "I feel bad. I haven't even asked you how you're doing. Have you thought about What's-His-Face lately?"

"All the time."

"Well you shouldn't. He's a dirt bag."

"We have had this argument far too many times, Tracie. I need to get some food before I starve. I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"Fine, fine, but I know you won't call me. I'll have to call you three weeks from now and bitch about how you never call me. It's going to happen, I know." Tracie shook her head and huffed.

"Then I look forward to it."

**********************************************************************

Felicity had been on the U.S.S. Mercury for four months and was finally allowing herself to fall into a routine. At lunch, she would sit with Ku-lak, and occasionally Kat-tah. The former being very logically, personable and willingly offered her any information or news regarding the ship or important matters that she never bothered to find out on her own, spending too much time sulking. The latter giving her blank yet displeased looks while he said nothing. During the hours she was off, she found peace in her solitude. Even with her thoughts still being consumed by Spock, she was able to see past the bad things and would imagine all the good times they had together. This made her incredibly nostalgic, but having a bittersweet attitude was much better than continuing to begrudge someone that didn't deserve it. Having all those swirling ideas, then made her hate herself even more for being such an idiot to him. When it got to that point, it was time to go to work again and lose track of all those painful memories. The monotony of her current job patrolling anomalies in the Neutral Zone was eased by Marovin's presence.

Marovin had began to occupy a place in Felicity's heart. However small it may have been compared to the chunk previously removed by Spock. The absurd combination of his intelligent professionalism and foreboding seriousness with his exuberant enthusiasm was often more than Felicity could handle. His conversations with her were always fun and exciting, and even at the most boring parts of the day, Marovin always had a way to make Felicity smile. While on duty, the two of them always showed the utmost respect for one another. This included conversation. Even in private, Felicity and Marovin always adhered to social protocol as a means of preventing any miscommunication.

"What's your favorite sex position, Marovin?" Felicity gave the Mazarite a sideways glance while pretending to do futile work one day.

"You! You complain about me not respecting professional protocols and yet here you are asking me such a question. You, my dear, are as much of a scoundrel as I."

"So, what is it?"

"I am your commanding officer remember? I could report you with this violation."

"We're the same rank, Commander. Just answer the question." Her eyes narrowed thinking she spotted something on the scanner.

"I am not going to fall victim to another one of your ploys."

"You like the woman on top, don't you?"

Marovin was silent as he regarded her diligently working but still being able to partake in their ridiculous conversation. "No, bent over."

"Ha! Over something? Like a desk or what not?"

"Preferably a bed. I mean a desk could work, but I'm sure that would be much less comfortable for the woman, so it would be inadvisable."

Felicity nodded in agreement, only thinking about her countless fantasies in which that was a preferred position of the person she dreamed about. "That is a good one."

"Any what about you?"

"Don't make me press charges for sexual harassment."

"Why is it that you women always use that as an excuse when you antagonize us men to do whatever you wish?" Marovin folded his arms across his chest.

"It's a gift."

"Apparently so."

"Someone needs to kill somebody on this ship and make my life a little more interesting." Reviewing the boredom of her life, Felicity sighed.

"If a homicide happens soon, then I'll make sure you're the first one to be investigated with that kind of talk."

She stopped what she was doing and turned her body to face Marovin. "You know, when I talk, you don't have to talk back. I'm perfectly fine with talking to myself." Then, turning back around, she resumed her scanning.

"When is your shift over?"

"In six hours. Why do you ask?"

"I was thinking you could show me some of those paintings of yours you keep talking about. Besides, you always look so forlorn. Maybe having some company would cheer you up."

"I don't know. I'll probably want to go straight to bed when I'm done."

"You know you won't. You also are always telling me how late you stayed up the previous night."

"Fine then. Come over."

"I intend to." "You know, in about three months, we are suppose to be heading to Bolarus IX to escort one of the Bolian ambassadors to Earth. Did you hear about that?"

Felicity's eyes did not stray from her screen. "No I didn't."

"Well of course you didn't. You never socialize long enough to learn anything new and interesting."

"I would have thought my supervising officer liked the fact that I don't gossip. Apparently I'm quite mistaken."

"Yes you are. You never have any new information to tell me. It's always the same thing over and over again. You're bored. You miss Earth. Tracie is driving you crazy. You're hungry."

"I don't miss Earth. I never say that."

"But you are constantly talking about Spock. You know, I really don't like being compared to a Vulcan. It's not fair at all."

"Then what should I compare you to?"

"Something awful, so that way I'll easily outshine my competition."

"There is no competition, Marovin."

"I think your assumptions about being ignorant to flirting were right. Any man jockeying for your affections is competition to me, and I will make sure to have the upper hand." Marovin leaned in closer.

She slammed her fist down on the desk, jostling precariously placed PADDs, and rounded on him. "Enough! I'm trying to work, and you are not making it any more helpful with your antics."

"Delegation is a supreme privilege of being a superior officer."

"You're only superior to me is with your experience. How many times must I remind you? We are the same rank."

"And I do consider you to be an equal of mine, my dear."

Felicity turned to face him and dramatically placed her hands on her hips. "Marovin, what are you trying to get at?"

"Felicity, I thought I've been very blunt this whole conversation. I want to get to know you better, and maybe erase this Spock from your mind. I want to be the only thing you think of whenever you're not doing your job."

She shook her head exasperated. "I thought Mazarites were supposed to be more serious than you."

"We're not Vulcans, so we do have emotions. I figured I had always been serious with you. We have profound and in depth, substantial discussions. How could you even deduce that I am not serious?"

"Did I ever say that? Did I? No. I just compared your personal disposition to that of your species as a collective. Mazarites are supposed to be more noble and serious. You, sir, are neither."

"You cut me to the core, my dear, but I'm sure you can make it up to me tonight." Felicity's fingers were gently rubbed as Marovin eyed her salaciously. She yanked them away and slapped his hand.

"Oh! Oh, we'll see about that."

He pointed extravagantly to the computer terminal. "Why don't you start getting some work done then, Windsor. Start with another security analysis of the Neutral Zone."

"I must apologize, Commander, but my break is starting right now. I'll have to do it for you later." She swayed her hips more than usual as she walked past Marovin and into a turbolift.

Lunch time, for her shift at least never had too many people occupying their time in the mess hall. There were a few engineers she had met, some security personnel, whose names she couldn't remember, along with other people she didn't know at all, and the twins. Felicity walked over to the replicator and ordered a ham sandwich and earl grey tea. After getting her lunch, she found her destination at the same place as every other day.

"May I sit with you two?"

Ku-lak looked up at her blankly. "Yes."

Felicity sat down and started to cut the crusts off her ham sandwich. She smiled as she noticed the twins' salads, but became downtrodden. It was a awfully sick and despicable thing to do to herself, sitting with the only two Vulcans on the ship, but Ku-lak had been her first friend, and she didn't want to miss visiting with him. That was going to be the reason she sat with him. He was a friend. Perhaps that lie could last awhile until she thought of a new one to tell her subconscious.

Feeling ill at ease, Felicity tried to make small talk with Ku-lak in an effort to clear her mind. "How has sickbay been? Anything exciting happen?"

"What would you deem exciting?"

"What has been occupying your time?"

"Updating the crew's medical charts, conducting physicals, perusing personal research. None of which I would classify as 'exciting'."

"Well I have not had a very interesting time on this ship either. Marovin has been very helpful in assisting me with the long-range scanners, but I am so bored beyond reckoning. When I applied to this ship, I thought there was going to be something of significance I would be doing besides writing reports and searching for anomalies in space."

"Have you done anything else...exciting?" Ku-lak took great interest in using the word.

"No. Just been sulking alone in my room."

The friendly Vulcan could not understand why anyone would be so inefficient as to spend so much time sulking. "What would cause you to do that?"

"Heartbreak."

"Is there anything of significance you wished to speak of, or did you come here to spend our time inefficiently?"

"If you wish to use your time more efficiently brother, then perhaps you should make your way to sickbay as soon as possible."

Ku-lak and Felicity watched as Kat-tah immediately stood and walked away without bidding them a farewell. This frustrated Felicity to no end.

"Does he not like me?"

"Why would you think that?"

"'Cause he's mean to me!"

"Is he?"

"Yes."

"I suppose, as a human, you would be more emotionally inclined to view truth and blatant questioning as hostile. I consider my brother to be equally hospitable as any human."

Felicity rested her forehead on the table. "God, I was having such a good day before I came to sit with you."

"Is that to be blamed on me or your own need for empathy?"

"Don't patronize me right now, I'm not in the mood."

"What has happened to make your day good before you came to eat?"

Felicity couldn't help stop smile from bursting out on her face. "There's a guy who fancies me. I don't think I'll pursue a relationship with him, but it's nice to know that I'm not absolutely undesirable."

He folded his hands delicately in his lap. "And this made you happy, I presume?"

"Yes."

"What does that feel like?"

"What?" Felicity was not quite sure to what he was referring.

Ku-lak tilted his head to the side. The only physical sign of general interest in his behavior. "Being happy?"

The question blew her away. He never once experienced the emotion, at least that he could remember. The intensity of his Vulcan logic swayed Felicity's concept of Spock being readily able to have emotional breakthroughs. If Spock really felt nothing, then how could she begrudge his disposition? But he was half human, and how could his eyes be so passionate if he felt nothing. Felicity searched Ku-laks eyes, as she did a good bit, and again found nothing but reason and calculations.

"Good. It feels really good. I don't know have much else of a way to explain it, but, I don't know. Whenever I'm happy, I want to dance and be free."

"That would be illogical. There is no need for you to dance on the security deck."

"It would, because I was happy a few minutes ago."

"I do not see the point of such an activity."

"Dancing is a world wide human behavior. Everyone dances and it shows how even though we are all different, we still are the same in so many ways including our desires. Dancing is the perfect display of humans as a whole. It's a completely emotional display of feelings and driving desires, but also elaborates the human quest for order and explanation. Dancing is a tangible and orderly way to display feelings and emotions that are usually upbeat and happy."

"But dancing can be very chaotic. It is something that I would never consider orderly."

Felicity was getting very excited and started pointing at Ku-lak. "You think that, but if dancing was chaotic, then there would be no rhythm and people would just fall down as if going into some epileptic seizure. But people don't, even if it's not a waltz, humans still use the physics of motion to express themselves."

It took a while for the disputation to calculate in Ku-lak's mind. She could see him thinking of ways to refute her explanation. After much consideration and deliberation, he replied flatly. "Understandable. Even Vulcan children dance in nursery schools before they are taught to use only their logic rather than emotion."

Felicity smiled wryly. "I'm glad you see my point of view."

Lunch had not been entirely unsuccessful. In fact, Felicity liked Ku-lak more and more every day she had lunch with him. There was no need to hope for him to see her in a desirable fashion or to try and impress him with her wit and knowledge. Ku-lak was as personable as any human she ever met; only in his own way of course, and Felicity liked having him to talk to as a reference.

His brother, Kat-tah was a different story. Never in any of her encounters with him did he once display any acceptance to anything at all, ever. No wonder Gallentine hated the Vulcan. He wasn't a very easy person to like. Well, Vulcans in general were difficult to like. Whatever they viewed as being right dictated law for them, even if their pride prevented their logic to see the bias. Kat-tah always gave the impression of superiority, and it bothered Felicity, though she wasn't sure why, since a year and a half of her life was spent as an infidel. The audacity of the species constantly surprised her.

But that's enough for now.

There were more important matters at hand. There was still the security analysis of the Neutral Zone which needed to be done before the end of her shift. And after that, was Marovin. _It's going to be a very interesting evening._

"I brought you a bottle of Mazarite wine. Knowing about your inclination to drink, I figured you might like to try it." he stepped inside and immediately opened the bottle and poured the curiously magenta liquid into two glasses. He handed one to Felicity as she walked toward him.

"Are we allowed to drink? I didn't think we were could on the ship." She sniffed it doubtfully.

Marovin took a long sip from his glass and savored the taste. "We're not allowed to drink while on duty or break. Other than that, there are no regulations that dictate whether or not we can. Hell, even Kat-tah keeps a few bottles of Vulcan brandy in his quarters."

Felicity was astonished by this scandalous news. "How do you know that?"

"We share a couple drinks now and again. He's a very interesting man...Vulcan." Marovin corrected his terminology as he took another sip of wine.

"He's always rude whenever I'm around, and here you are drinking away with him. What is a Vulcan even doing drinking?"

"Their physiology is different, so alcohol affects them differently. It's still a good drink with a good flavor. Why wouldn't he drink it? Also, we're not drinking right before he has to perform a neural transplant. We drink after our shifts. And about him being rude, he's not, he just doesn't like pointless banter, which is what I assume to be his issue with you. Sometimes you can talk to me for hours without saying anything significant."

Felicity replied indignantly. "I'm trying to make conversation! I feel comfortable enough around to talk about whatever, but I'll stop if that's what you want."

"I was not complaining, I think some your issues you talk about are hilarious. It's simply a matter of why Kat-tah may not like being around you."

"Well he can shove it."

Marovin moved slowly around the room enjoying all the interests Felicity had to offer. He observed her paintings carefully and much with an investigative eye, not missing a thing. When he came across the violin sitting on a table place perfectly in a corner exactly one inch away from each wall, he finally spoke. "Do you play?"

"No, I just keep it for decoration."

"You are such a little minx. How often do you play?"

"Not as much as I would like. I haven't had any desire lately to do much of anything except punch out paper magazine dots and paste them to a canvas.

"Are you talking about this?" Marovin picked up the small "painting" Felicity had done using all the magazine dots. It was the most interesting piece in the room, she had to admit.

"What is this one about?"

"Trying to find happiness within the context of love."

Marovin appraised it silently for a long time. Possibly trying to find a resemblance between the picture and Felicity. Maybe considering the pain it displayed. But probably more accurately, sizing up the "competition" that wasn't overtly present in the piece, but was surely and underlying aspect of it. "And it's about Spock, I assume?"

"I guess so."

Marovin gave her an outrageous look making it clear that he knew what he held in his hands has everything to do with Spock. "What exactly did he do to you?"

Felicity sighed while trying to resurrect the sad memories of her past with the Vulcan. "It's been so long now looking back makes everything seem so silly. He didn't agree with my point of view in an argument."

"That doesn't seem so bad."

"The situation wasn't, but the topic was what I would do with my life. It's hard not to be offended when someone questions your concepts of purpose in the world."

"And you've always displayed yourself as a strong woman. Now I see you are just like everyone else." The murderous look he received caused him to add quickly. "Not that, that's bad, Felicity. People exist and therefore they fault. No one can be perfect, not even you."

"You have an amazingly grim outlook on life."

"I hold a realistic perspective on life. There is nothing wrong with being imperfect...as long as you don't break the law. We simply should be aware of it. I can understand you being affronted, especially when being criticized by a species who think that highly of themselves, but that's stupid to be so angry."

"So you want me to go back to him?" Felicity smiled mischievously.

"No. You are staying right here with me." Marovin softly took Felicity's hand and kissed the palm. "I just don't want you to get that mad at me about something so trivial."

******************************************************************************************

Felicity trudged around her room, exhausted from the day. For the past five months on the Mercury, all they had been doing was securing the Neutral Zone and making preparations against any further hostile encounters. Right when Felicity got off her shift and made her way back to her quarters, Tracie had called in a panic. Another meltdown occurred, and she was hysterically crying while Felicity tried to calm her.

Tracie's ex husband was hassling her again, and as usual, she let it get the best of her. Felicity wanted nothing more than to take a shower and go straight to bed, but when the first words out of Tracie's mouth were, "I just want to die", it was difficult to try and put her own desires first.

After an hour of talking to Tracie, Felicity was finally able to end their communication and get ready for bed. Her computer beeped at her again after she got out of the shower. Knowing full well who it was going to be made her brood with frustration. This was not how Felicity wanted to spend the end of an extremely difficult day.

Looking at the screen, her heart stopped. Incoming message: U.S.S. Liberty.

The central nervous system in her body could not transmit the electrical currents fast enough for her to accept the communication. "Terry! Sorry, I just go done talking with Tracie and thought she was calling on me again."

He grinned so big his eyes almost closed. "How have you been?"

Felicity nodded her head. "Decent."

Terry inspected her more closely, losing his smile. "Are you really feeling alright?"

"How pathetic would I be if I wasn't" She looked him over carefully.

"Spock isn't."

Closing her eyes to either get Terry's accusing gaze away from sight or to try and imagine a gorgeous Spock pining over her, Felicity wasn't sure. "Please don't tell me that, Terry."

"I know. I don't want to bring you down, but he's a friend too remember? So tell me, what have you really been doing and don't answer with some boring vague one word sentence." The smile had returned, and it seemed that the past was left behind.

"I have been issuing warnings for petty deviance's and patrolling the Neutral Zone. There have been a few skirmishes around the area, so we're here to keep the peace. And I've been hanging out with my security supervisor. He's really nice, he's a Mazarite-"

"Have you slept with him?"

"What? No! Where did that come from?"

"I just want to make sure you're not cheating on Spock."

Felicity stared at her friend open-mouthed by his audacity. "How can I cheat on him when we're not dating, and haven't been for months, or have you forgotten? All those months of being drunk on Earth before you left may have finally gotten to you, Terry."

He shrugged. "You'll eventually get back together with him. That's why I say that stuff."

"The day I get back together with him is the day I realize you and I will never see each other again."

"Don't say that! You can have all three of us, you know. You don't have to choose."

Holding up her hands with a desire to reach through the screen and strangle him, Felicity wondered why her day could not get back to normalcy. "Three? When last I checked, you and Spock only constituted two people."

Terry pointed back to her in response. "Yes, but Keira and I are a package deal. You can have all three of us. I'm sure she wouldn't mind so long as you didn't make her have sex with you."

"As great as I could imagine her being in bed, I'm fine without her. Thanks though." Felicity rolled her eyes.

"Remember, if you ever get tired of Spock, you could always consider us."

"Why is everyone suddenly hitting on me?"

"Who else is?"

"Uh...my security supervisor."

"Ha! I knew it! You try to pretend that he's this really good guy," this part, he said in a very soprano voice, "but he's just like the rest of them. Trust me, Felicity, I know what men want. I am one."

"Very astute observation Terry."

"You can't have sex with him."

Being lectured was not a favorite pastime even on days that had been boring and mellow. "Not that, that would be anything to worry about, why are you under the presumption that it's your business? I can have sex with whoever I want."

"As long as that person is Spock, then fine."

"Terry, really, if you're going to be like this I don't want to talk to you."

He threw his hands in the air. "I'm sorry, a year and a half can't be erased from my mind."

"Anyway, why don't we digress? So what have you been up to? Anything new and exciting?"

"Not much. I talked to Spock yesterday."

She glared at him for a long while before speaking again. "I mean about your job. I don't care what Spock is doing these days."

"You should. He hasn't seemed to move on as easily as you. Maybe you should call him."

"What did I just say? I'm not talking to you if you keep talking about Spock."

"Fine! Keira and I have been working on establishing a separate computer system for life support. That way, if there is an all systems failure, I'm talking complete black out, then life support will still be enabled."

"You sound so much smarter when you talk about your job."

A dreamy, cocky looked graced the blonde's features. "It's a gift."

"Where's Keira?"

Terry looked around as if to find her magically appear. "Probably in her own quarters. Unless we're married, there is no cohabitation-"

A voice at the other end of Felicity's communication interrupted Terry's explanation. "Ensign Stevens. Report to engineering at once."

A slow, smug smile widened Felicity's face as she stared at the screen. "Ensign Stevens? I forgot about that."

A scowl was her gift in return. "Not everyone can be promoted to a Commander right out of the academy."

Her face quickly turned serious. "Watch that tone you take with me, Ensign."

"Not funny."

"I loved it."

"When do you get back from your tour?"

"In three years, but I do get shore leave in a year and a half, so just make sure that once you're done, you stay on Earth for a while so I can come and see you."

"Sounds great. I'll be waiting with Spock."

"Bye, Terry!"

Felicity turned off the communication and started to stand when another message flashed on her computer. Incoming message: Earth.

"What the fuck?" She took a long, deep breath before accepting the message. Tracie's face popped onto the screen again. For the most fleeting of moments, Felicity thought that maybe it would be Spock, and she would be able to talk with him, not that she had much to say. It probably would have been awkward, and so she was glad it was only a deflated Tracie.

"I don't feel well. I still just want to die."

Felicity moaned softly and put her face in her hands. "Tracie, we've already had this conversation tonight. I've had my heart shattered once this year, remember, so don't make it happen again."

"But everything about this whole Tony issue has been making me a nervous wreck. I can't eat or sleep. His words about me being a stupid, dumb bitch keep coming back. And I have to talk to him, you know. I have to pay him child support for that spoiled, rotten son of mine, but I don't think I'm going to anymore. I'm tired of Tony always bringing me down and making me feel like complete shit. Like last night when we were talking, he said that the only time I was ever a mother in my life was when I gave birth. What a despicable thing to say to a woman. Like everything I've done for my son has meant nothing. I did what was best for my son then and will always."

"You know what he says isn't true though, Tracie. Just don't talk to them anymore. Dylan's old enough to know whether or not he's being an ass hole. Every time you two are together, he talks down to you, like he's the parent and you're the child which is absolutely unacceptable, and Tony is shit all the way around."

"I know. Oh! You'll never guess what happened today at work!" The sudden change in Tracie's demeanor through Felicity for a loop, and she dearly considered telling Tracie off for not leaving her alone, but couldn't bring herself to do so. "Dr. Cook got a letter from the massive black man. A letter of apology!"

"Who?"

"That man that came into work a few weeks ago. Remember me telling you the story? I bitched him out after I fell on my ass."

"Oh ya, that guy." Felicity yawned.

Tracie continued animatedly. "Well, Cathy and I were working on this one patient's-"

The bell at Felicity's door buzzed and even being that it meant more company, at least she could get away from Tracie's rambling with a good excuse. "Tracie, someone's here. I have to go, and I'll call you later some time."

"Don't wait too long to call me! I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Right. Bye."

Felicity turned off the screen to her computer and made her way to the door. It slid open quickly to reveal a grinning Marovin on the other side. Before she could even welcome him inside, he stepped purposefully through the doorway, placed both hands behind her neck and pressed his lips against hers.


	13. Logos

Spock strode from the shuttle bay hanger downtrodden. He did not dare look back at Felicity. The actual physical pain he felt was not lessened by the fact that he was now more alone on Earth than he had ever been before. The only thought that kept him from losing all logic was that soon his days would be filled with lessons and homework to be graded. Not wishing to have a useless two months, Spock readily presented his availability for teaching during the summer semester, which also offered him a chance to keep his mind away from certain things for at least a portion of the day.

Being that it was the day most graduates, including those close to him, were leaving on their first assignments, the school was practically closed down, but he did not wish to spend the rest of the day meditating in some futile attempt to find peace in his world of torment. His desired destination was the communications building, where the director of communications had her office. During his years at the academy, Spock had never met the woman, taking very minimal classes in the subject. There was no need for a Vulcan to take any classes about the Vulcan language. How silly.

Seeing as how he was now teaching Vulcan I, besides the obvious physics science-based classes which were the original reason he was asked to stay, Spock figured he should introduce himself sooner rather than later to the head of the department, and there was no time like the present.

Her office was simple to find. Once in the faculty wing, it was the first door on the right. Spock pressed the bell for the door and hoped that she would be in. He noted that the communications building was right next to the security building, not that it mattered much.

Spock's luck held as the doors slid open and he stepped into a large, ornate office. Besides the size of the room, the next thing Spock noticed were the absurd decorations. There were ceramic dolphins hanging on the walls, seven on one wall alone and all different, bright colors, glass and crystal dolphin statues adorned ever surface, pictures of dolphins, both real and painted were framed and hung on the walls as well. A few large, wooden dolphin statues were standing on the floor which was also partially covered by a vivid, blue dolphin rug.

Sitting behind the desk in the dolphin-filled room was a small rounded woman. Her complexion was dark as were her features, and her round face was made even more prominent by her flat nose. The dark, tightly-curled hair framing her face had a collection of white hair near her temples. This overt contrast in color only brought more attention to the blue, dolphin earrings dangling on either side of her neck. Her eyes were a dark and excited brown, and they stared up at Spock in anticipation.

She gestured around the room to all her dolphins. "They're interesting, are they not?"

Spock chose to ignore her question and get right too his point. "Are you Professor Omnowa?"

"That's me. Oona Omnowa at your service. How can I help you, love?"

"I am Commander Spock. I am supposed to start teaching next week, one of my courses is Vulcan Linguistics I, and I was told to come and talk to you since you are the professor-"

"Ah yes!" Her hand shot up and her eyes were alight with recognition. "I heard that you would be starting soon. How are you? Would you like something to drink? To eat perhaps?"

Feeling a bit uncomfortable from the overzealous attitude, he declined. "No, I am acceptable."

She eyed him speculatively. "'Acceptable'? Are you a Vulcan."

Silence. Spock, not wishing to cross any personal boundaries but being completely blown away by this question, was a little too quiet for a little too long. Could she not see his features properly that she needed to ask? "Pardon?"

"Just pulling your leg, my dear. I'm a human." Oona waived him off.

"That perception did not escape me."

"I wouldn't expect so. You will learn, Commander, that I am a very eccentric woman."

 _I would not disagree with that statement._ Spock and her stared at one another for sometime, him almost forgetting the reason why he was there die to her haphazardness. Her earrings caught his attention. "Why do you have so many dolphin decorations?"

"It reminds me of my home country of Tahiti. Amazing place. You should go there sometime if you ever get the chance." Another zinger.

"I will keep that in mind."

"Do you play any instruments, Commander Spock?"

A simple question. One to which Spock had a simple answer, but his breath was momentarily taken from him when he thought about the randomness of the inquiry. It was a question Felicity would have asked him in the middle of a discussion about dilithium crystals. _This is illogical. Stop thinking about her._ "The Vulcan lute and Terran piano."

Oona clapped her hands with earnest enthusiasm. "I love the Vulcan lute! Such a sweet sounding instrument. I play the ukelele." She reached under her desk and pulled out a small guitar-like woodwind. "Perhaps you and I could play a duet together sometime? I have been dying to find anybody who knows how to play any instrument worthwhile."

"With classes starting soon, I doubt there will be much time for me to engage in extracurricular activities."

"That's a shame. I think people don't want to jam with me because I'm a very random crazy character. Would you consider me crazy, Spock?"

Spock considered the word and while his thoughts resulted a resounding yes, he deemed this an appropriate moment to play it socially safe. "That is an ambiguous term. To every person, it could have a certain, different definition."

"You are the biggest sweetheart I ever met. When you declined to play with me, I figured you thought I was weird, but now I see that you actually might be that busy. Being a Vulcan, still, I would assume you could teach ten classes and still have time left over for all kinds of things. There was a very nice Vulcan professor who I had the privilege of meeting with one time. Very curious character. But don't worry, I understand if you don't want to be bested by a Polynesian woman who loves dolphins and plays the ukelele."

Spock had absolutely no response for her and remained silent.

"I also have attention deficit hyperactive disorder, so that tends to make me more off the wall." She smiled at him unabashed.

"Understandable."

"When is your first day for teaching?"

"Next Monday, at the beginning of the summer semester."

"That's right. I'm very glad you're here, because some of the teachers wanted their summers off leaving me a bit short handed. Are you only teaching Vulcan Linguistics I?"

"For communications, yes."

Her look turned serious and pleading. "Would it be possible for you to also teach number II and Intro Xenolinguistics? As I said, I have a desperate need for teachers this summer, and if you can help me out at all I would very much appreciate it."

Spock would have loved to fill his days with classes and work to stave off any possible feeling of loneliness he might feel on coming days and thus had ample time, but stating this might also indicate that he had time for duets which was just not going to happen. "I have enough time for a couple more classes. All I require are the syllabus and the text for the classes."

"You're such a dear. Here, you can borrow mine until I can get some new ones in." Oona waddled over to a corner bookshelf adorned with numerous dolphin bookends. Next to a selection of old, paper books, likely about dolphins Spock mused, were a collection of PADDs stacked neatly on top of one another. She shuffled through them until finding two in particular and put the rest away. Turning to face Spock, causing her earrings to swim through the air excitedly, she asked him, "Was there anything else you needed, sweetie?"

"I suppose not."

"Well then you are more than welcome to stop by any time if you have any questions or wish to discuss the material, or would even want to talk about anything in general. I'm well versed in my topics and can hold my own in an in depth conversation."

Spock was easing out as inconspicuously as possible. "If I require assistance, I will come over."

"Don't be a stranger now!" She waved to him energetically.

 _What an interesting woman._ With the PADDs Oona gave him in his arms, Spock walked back out the communications building and across the grounds. The sun was high in the sky; it must have been around noon. Felicity would be leaving in two hours. Not that her agenda mattered much to him anymore, or at least it wasn't supposed to.

The hot sun made Spock feel more at ease, reminding him of his home, his real home on Vulcan. The past two years on Earth gave him reason to consider the planet his surrogate home, but now that everyone was gone, he was back to feeling alienated. An alien; that's all he was.

While looking off in the distance, Spock saw the old dorm building. He didn't feel nostalgia or grief, sadness or excitement. He simply saw the building as he walked to the faculty quarters. Well, that may have been a bit inaccurate. He felt nothing for the dorm or moving in and of itself, but thinking about the room his friends spent so much time in devising ways to skip class or putting off studying made him feel melancholy.

The faculty building was much more comfortable and lavishly decorated than the student dorms. Hallways were painted a soft, bright yellow with purple and red vases and furniture. Side tables that were pressed against the walls held pots of flowers, Terran and otherwise, on their marble tops. Inefficient Spock thought as he strode past. He was assigned quarters on the first floor, which was convenient since it was always a hassle trying to force piles of stuff up stairs or dragging them to turbo lifts. Not that Spock was in possession of much clutter.

223A was his room number. Spock arrived at the door, punched in his code and entered as soon as the doors opened.

The apartment was much larger than the dorm he had shared with Terry. Walking in, there was a large living room with several couches and chairs. The room was connected to a small dining area complete with a table and chairs. Two other rooms were attached to the living space; the study held a desk, computer and storage units for all the things a professor would need. Here, He placed all the PADDs that had been cradled in his arms. Walking out, He went to check on the rest of his apartment, only being there for a moment earlier. Spock's bedroom had a bed, 1.378 times larger than the one he had previously been sleeping in, and several chests of drawers. The bathroom was through the bedroom and was exactly like the rest of the apartment. Simple.

On Spock's bed was the small bag that held his few personal items. He had set it there before leaving to meet Terry and say goodbye. It took no time to unpack them for all the contents consisted of were a book of the teachings of Surak, something his mother gave him before he left. A gift he felt was absolutely unnecessary given that every Vulcan knew exactly what Surak's teaching were about being the basis of foundation for the planet today. His lute, which he played since he was a boy. An unopened bottle of vodka that Terry had given him one year for Christmas. A gift he never intended to use, but Terry refused to take it back. At the bottom, was a framed picture of the three of them, Terry, Felicity and Spock; a gift from Felicity.

He placed his lute on the top of a dresser in the room but moved the other three items into a drawer until they proved useful.

Moving back to his study, Spock took one of the PADDs, sat down and started reading. But there was a complication; his concentration lacked; something he was not accustomed to, even when Felicity's soft body would be pressed against his while they were studying. He had gotten used to the perfume she wore, coconut and lime. Even after some length of time and great effort, he was able to be around her and not stare at her round bottom for hours on end. According to him, he had become a master of controlling his attention span.

But now, after reading every few paragraphs, Spock would look at the chronometer in his study. The minutes ticked by as he repeatedly eyed the time until it was 1400 hours. Not a significant time by itself, but on this particular day, this particular time meant that Spock was now alone on the planet.

He sat the texts down and went to his room to meditate.

***********************************************************************************

It had been barely two weeks since his friends left him, and more and more everyday, Spock noticed how he was becoming supremely selfish; wanting only one thing in the universe and contemplating what he would relinquish to acquire it. And only a fraction of that was for his blonde-haired friend.

With the absence of Terry and Felicity, Spock felt more alone than he had ever felt on Earth. When they both had been there, he never bothered to talk to anyone else. A huge fault on his part for not anticipating their separation. Spock realized that he had always envisioned Felicity to be with him, explaining any questions he had about human behavior and people in general. He always had someone to talk with and communicate new ideas to, but now there was no one to think about while planning the activities of his day. There was no Felicity.

The first two weeks, he did not talk to anyone unless in reference to something important. There was no small talk or casual conversation, and Spock wanted it that way. In his own Vulcan way, he was sulking. He began to doubt his choice to stay on Earth, which was a choice that only lead to seclusion and alienation.

After completing the grading from the seven assignments his students had for their first week in class, Spock sat alone in his new office. It was large enough for his purposes with nothing fancy, but not nearly as large as Oona Omnowa's. And there were not nearly as many dolphins.

Spock had tried to call on Terry a few times over the couple weeks, but the overzealous blonde was constantly busy rewiring computers and devising new programs. When he wasn't tangled in computer wires, he tended to be tangled in the limbs of his beloved Keira. Neither was ever a good time for Spock to talk to him.

While considering the options he had for his day, Spock decided to try another communication, but not to Terry this time. The request for confirmation was sent to the planet Vulcan, particularly the city of Shi'Kahr. He waited only a few moments until the loving face of his mother appeared on the screen.

"Why isn't this a surprise. How have you been, my dear?" Her face tried to be emotionless, but seeing her son was far too much to handle. She missed him so much, especially since she only was able to talk to him ever few weeks. The smile on her face spread into a large one.

Spock nodded to her. "Well."

Amanda's face turned to concern for her son. "Truly? Last time I talked to you, and even now you still seem sad."

"I am not, mother. Being Vulcan prevents me from having such feelings. You are aware of that, I know."

"Yes, but you are also my son, and I know you feel something. Did she really mean that much to you?"

He was silent for a moment then opted for playing it safe. "Your question is ambiguous. To whom specifically are you referring?"

"You know exactly who I am referring to." Amanda's gaze was accusing.

"Felicity?"

"Yes."

He contemplated the question for a long moment, so long that Amanda almost repeated herself wondering if he had not heard due to a faulty connection. "Yes." was the simple answer she received.

"Then why didn't you do everything you could to keep her with you?"

"Her reasoning is illogical, and she is unreasonable. I tried to present my case properly, remember? She did not want to listen and told me to leave. Her stubborn indifference for my point of view only exemplifies her as being someone less intellectually sophisticated."

"Now Spock, do you really think that of Felicity? With everything that you have told me about this woman, I would hardly think your logic to be impaired completely for a year and a half. You must have seen something worthwhile in her, or else you would not have bothered wasting your time so inefficiently." She had a point. Spock knew that and had no rebuttal.

After taking some time to think about a proper response, he still had nothing coherent to say. "I don't know."

Amanda started at the sound of her son using a conjunction. Apparently his time on Earth affected him more than she thought it would. "You don't know what?"

"Anything. Anything about this relationship I have had with Felicity. It goes against all of my logic."

Amanda was truly curious. "How so?"

"She is so much less than me in so many aspects, that she would not make a preferred mate. She is less physically adept, less intelligent, less cultured and less accepting. These qualities should have prevented me from considering her more than an acquaintance from the first day we met, but they didn't. I still prefer her over T'Pring." Spock bowed his head. In his mother's presence, acknowledging his emotions was not considered a weakness.

"I understand your thinking, Spock, but you know I do not agree with it. Your father has been more than passionate with me on many occasions, even if his feelings were not logical.

"Thank you, mother." Spock felt more at ease being reminded that his righteous father also succumbed to the powers a female could hold over a male.

"Why not send her a communication? Try and talk with her a bit to see if she's come around."

"Come around where?"

"To see if she has forgiven you and let her anger subside."

"She will not answer."

"You cannot be certain of that, my dear."

"I do not want to bother her."

"Is that the truth from you, Spock? It sounds an awful lot like you don't want to deal with the rejection of not being able to talk to her. Could that explanation be somewhere close to what is really in your heart?"

"It would be illogical to harbor trepidation over an act so small."

"Do you feel very logical whenever you think of her?"

Spock did not even have to consider his answer for more than one second. "No."

"Then what you said would still make sense and give reason for why you don't want to try and talk to her. It is not logical to feel that way, but you do not feel logical when you are around her. It seems like the two go hand in hand."

"She is far away from here, mother. It does not bode well to linger on the past."

Amanda nodded. "Then what do you plan to do in the meantime?"

"Continue my teaching. I will do so for three years. Nine semesters including summers."

She eyed him. "That's how long Felicity is gone for, isn't it?"

"Yes, but there is no correlation between my duration teaching and her assignment."

"And what about after teaching?"

"Travel on a starship. I'm not sure which one I would prefer though, yet."

"So there isn't much of a chance for you and Felicity to see each other again?" Amanda asked too hopefully. She had never met Felicity, in person at least. There had been two instances where Felicity was in the room when she had called on Spock, and the two exchanged pleasantries, but Spock's admiration for her was so profound, that if there was anyway to get them back together then, she would.

"Not on the current paths both of us are taking. It would not matter, even if she came back to Earth tomorrow." Spock was silent again, something that happened a lot lately. Sulking so much was not becoming to him, but he liked being able to talk to his mother openly. "She still wouldn't talk to me."

"I don't know about that. Just think, maybe she is feeling the same anxiety you have, and that's why she doesn't call you."

"I do not feel anxiety, mother."

"Of course not, my sweet, but if you did, now would be the appropriate time."

Nodding as he contemplated his words, Spock tried to conceive of another topic to move their conversation away from Felicity. "I spoke with the head of communications two weeks ago. Since I am teaching Xenolinguistics, I am required to have regular contact with the department director." After more consideration, he added, "You would like her, she is very...eccentric."

His mother's face, once again, became lit with happy interest. "Is that right? What is she like?"

"She is human, invests a great deal of interest in dolphins, talks quite a bit and plays the ukelele."

The description was surprising to Amanda. "Oh. Wow. Where on Earth is she from?"

"Tahiti."

"Oh I've always wanted to go there. I hear it is a very beautiful place; lush vegetation and lots of water. Not a place you would like very much, Spock." she added with a smile for her son.

"I would not expect so."

"Have you made any other friends?"

"You are under the assumption, Professor Omnowa and I are friends, when in fact all I told you was that we had spoken. Once at that."

"I'm sure she considers you a friend, most humans give out that title very liberally. Try and talk with her some more."

"Why?"

"Then you won't be so lonely."

"I am hardly lonely."

"So being alone without Terry or Felicity has had absolutely no effect on you whatsoever? You don't miss them at all or care that they're gone?"

For the umpteenth time in their communication, Spock was silent while considering the sagacious and strangely logical words of his mother. "I suppose I could be a bit lonely." he conceded.

"That's what I thought. Go and make some friends, my love. It will help ease the pain of being without all the people that mean something to you."

Spock nodded at her in defeat. "If that is what you believe my course of action should be, then I will do so, mother."

"And what about T'Pring? Do you intend to stay connected to her?"

"I do."

Amanda Shook her head at this. "She is still infatuated with Stonn, you know that. Are you sure you don't want to try and get back together with Felicity and let T'Pring go her separate way? You were always much happier when you were around Felicity."

Spock did not try to correct his mother that time knowing full well she would continue to make references to his feelings. In a way, she was right, but he did not want to let his emotions overpower him so much that his logic was lost. "When the time comes to deal with T'Pring, I will decide what to do then."

"Listen to yourself, Spock. 'Deal with'? You shouldn't have to talk like that about your betrothed. You don't love her and shouldn't be with her."

"Love is hardly present in Vulcan marriages."

"But it is not lost. Your father loves me dearly, even if he does not voice it at every second of the day."

The last sentence shook him. Never once had he overheard his father profess any affections to his mother, but of course that didn't mean it never happened. It would only make sense that a Vulcan be more emotionally in tuned with their mate. Have I been under the wrong assumption that I am to be distant to people, Felicity in particular? "Has father ever voiced his affection to you?"

Amanda tilted her head to the left approximately 50 degrees and regarded her son with sympathetic eyes. "Oh yes, Spock. Didn't you ever tell Felicity that you loved her."

"The only time I ever approached the subject of my feelings with her was after our dispute."

"That's horrible timing."

"I suppose."

"How do you feel toward her now?"

"I miss her."

"Well your father is supposed to attend a meeting at Starfleet headquarters in about eight months. I could come with him and visit you for a while, if you'd like."

"That is not necessary, mother."

Amanda rolled her eyes. "I know it's not necessary, but would you like me to come and stay with you? It's been too long for a mother to be without her child, and having someone there will help take your mind off things."

Spock reconsidered the reverse invitation. "I would very much like your company."

"Sounds wonderful. I'll keep you updated."

The bell to Spock's office rang.

"I'll talk with you later on the subject,-" ring "-mother."

"Alight my d-" ring "-ear."

"Live long-" ring "-and prosper, mo-" ring "-ther." Spock started to stand before his mother even got a chance to properly say goodbye in an attempt to stop the constant buzzing. He opened the door to his office with the push of a button and Oona Omnowa was on the other side smiling brightly.

"Hello, my Vulcan Savior!" Today she was wearing what looked like pieces of wood with pink, painted dolphin faces in her ears.

Spock's eyebrows were raised at the lofty title. "Is there something of urgent importance, Professor Omnowa?"

"Call me Oona, dear. I hate formalities." It is apparent, Spock thought. "This is the office they have you in? Humph. Not nearly big enough now is it? I'll petition to get you a bigger one."

"I am perfectly fine her, Professor. Now what is the matter you came here for?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing, and remember, it's Oona, you stubborn Vulcan."

"You came all the way over from the communications building to the physics building to 'see how I was doing'? I find that a bit ambidextrous."

"You can find it whatever you like, but I still came to check up on you. You always look so morose."

"I always look the same."

"How has your time been spent lately?"

"My classes are moving accordingly, if not a bit slow paced. I am up to date on my grading, and I have comfortably settled into my new office and apartment with little complaint." He wished this news would send her happily waving goodbye.

"No, I meant how you were doing being alone all the time. Do you ever entertain company?"

"There is no need for me to do so."

"I'm sure there is. Even a Vulcan can feel off when isolated. I never see you around people who aren't students complaining about their grades. Why don't you come around to my apartment for a friendly dinner. My son is in town and you might like talking with him too."

"Thank you for the invitation, but I have to-" Spock was at a loss. Any of the possible excuses he may have given, having to catch up on grades, settling matters with his apartment, unpacking, all of these were null and void by his previous statement. This woman is good. Oona smiled at him overly happy as he stood silently in front of her.

"Good! I'm glad you have free time. When would be a good evening for you?"

She was even giving him the option of picking the day. He couldn't be busy every day this week. Spock remembered his mother's advice to try and be friendly with Oona and decided that being in her company was not the worst thing in the universe. "This evening."

"That sounds perfect! I'll start preparing the festivities. You are vegetarian, right?" Spock nodded. "No problem. I'll think of something delicious for you to eat. Until Thursday night my dear!" She actually curtsied to Spock then left.

Sitting back at his desk, Spock considered addressing work that would have to be completed in three weeks but decided to clean off his desk and return to his apartment to get ready for dinner.

He was shutting down his computer when another ring came from the bell to his office door. It rang only once, so there was no need for dramatics, and Spock continued to sit at his desk as he said, "Enter."

Nyota Uhura walked into the room with purpose. "Hello, Spock."

"Cadet, need I remind you again that according to protocol, you are to address me as 'Professor' or 'Commander'?"

Nyota shook her head causing her black hair to swing like a metronome behind her head. "I don't see the point since I used to call you by your first name."

"That was before I became your superior."

"You're not that superior to me."

Spock's eyebrows shot up to the sky at her audacity. Deciding to change the subject, Spock tried to get to the purpose of their meeting. "What is it that you wished to discuss?"

"I came here to talk to you about the grade on my last paper, the one about the transition from High Vulcan to today's Vulcan, and to see how you were doing."

"I have fairing well enough, Cadet. There is no need to be concerned."

"I know you're lonely since everyone left. I thought I could come down here and keep you company sometimes, you know, days that you didn't just hand out grades so that there wouldn't be so many people down here."

Spock was at a loss. Was he really that easy to read to everyone. He remembered a time in the past when Terry and Felicity were able to tell a slight difference in his disposition from a metaphorical mile away, but after some time, he simply attributed the ability to them in particular. Then, today he has three different women concerned about him. His mother was the exception having reared Spock. Oona was weird enough to maybe be perceptive enough, but Spock did not have much interaction with Nyota Uhura unless in class.

"I am a Vulcan, Cadet. I do not feel lonely." He always had to explain it. When were humans going to accept this difference...or at least believe it?

"I know you are, Spock, sorry, Commander, but I watch you closely every single day and I can tell, without a doubt, that you are not nearly as happy as when they were here."

This was an out of place statement. Nyota watched him. Closely too. What would give her reason to watch him in particular? Did she not have more important things to do? Maybe that was why she didn't get as good of grades as she would like. Perhaps that was the reason half his class was failing. They all spent most of their time watching Spock rather than paying attention to the material. This was of course highly unlikely, but the possibility of one of his students paying more than enough attention to him was unsettling. This train of thought also brought about the purpose of her visit.

"What about your grade concerns you?"

Nyota sighed. "The 'B'. I got a 'B' when I should have gotten an 'A'."

"Your writing of Vulcan verbs is inconsistent. Sometimes when attempting to express your topic in the past tense, you use present tense verbs. Your commas were in incorrect places, and you misspelled a few words."

"How? I checked my spelling."

"There are different spellings for different connotations. Your computer may not have noticed the difference since the word is still correct but not in that context.

"But overall, it was a fantastic paper."

"Overall, it was an acceptable paper."

Nyota's eyes narrowed at the unintended insult. To prevent her temper from flaring, she u-turned their conversation back to him. "Wouldn't you like company, Spock? I could get some coffee or tea, and we can chat, and you could tell me about Vulcan or your family."

"It would only prove to waste both our time."

She held a finger up at him. "Learning about the planet would help with learning the language."

"I believe you know more than enough about Vulcan, Cadet. Your paper earned you a 'B' whereas most students were only capable of a low 'C'."

Her gaze turned serious, almost smoldering. "I want to get an 'A' in your class, Spock, and I will do whatever I need to get it."

Spock was taken aback. Her meaning was misunderstood, and Spock unconsciously pushed his seat back to get further away from her. "You will only be able to with your studies, not by spending your time with me."

Horror filled Nyota's face, and she shook her hands at him in trying to convey her humiliation. "That's not what I meant at all! I'm so sorry! I know you wouldn't do anything against regulation, and only thought that you could help me with my work. If you have time of course."

Spock was very aware of the female ulterior motive having experienced it before. He thought back to all the attempts Felicity had made to engage him in a friendship. No doubt Nyota was doing the same. But he did desire some company, and it wouldn't be bad on an academic level.

"If you wish, but I have to prepare myself for a dinner with Professor Omnowa."

"You're having dinner with Oona Omnowa?" Nyota almost laughed at him.

 _Does everyone avoid her?_ "Yes. I am. Now if you'll excuse me cadet."

"Of course, Professor. I'll see you around." And Nyota left the office just as determined as when she had arrived.

Spock shook his head a fraction as he closed down the rest of his office for the evening. Nothing needed to be toted along, so he left empty handed. Walking down the hallway of offices, he thought about the past hour of which his feelings were the central theme. It was very curious for so many people to be so curious about him. Most of the time, no one stopped to have second thoughts about Spock, but these three seemed to have made it their mission to help him out with whatever troubles he may have with his singularity. Spock shook his head again.

Women.

****************************************************************************

It had been four months since Terry and Felicity left, and Spock was beginning to feel less alone by the day. His days were still spent predominantly alone, but there were times when Oona come around to check on him.

Even though most of the students, and professors for that matter, considered Oona too unusual, with her dolphin fetish and nonstop talking, but Spock found her to be very endearing. Whenever he spoke, he was silent and payed complete attention. She rarely interrupted him and made him feel like her long lost son. She made it her mission to make sure he was well fed and was not in need for company.

With Oona's motherly affection for Spock, he began to fall into a routine, knowing that at least one person would be around to share his time with. But upon second consideration, there was more than just Oona to occupy his time.

There is Nyota.

After their conversation in his office weeks before, Nyota started visiting Spock regularly. She would often come with pretenses of studying but for some peculiar reason never got around to the topics she came to discuss.

Coming on days that he particularly felt ostracized, Nyota would talk about nothing significant, trying to take Spock's mind away from whatever occupied it. She was so perceptive, almost as much as his mother, and never criticized him for being different either, like so many people on Earth. She was his solace; being there when he was sure he was alone.

Nyota was also the most linguistically fluent sophomore at the academy, probably the most fluent student period. She was already learning Romulan II and knew Vulcan better than many of the communications professors. She attributed this to having the best possible Vulcan Linguistics I and II teacher. Less than halfway through the fall semester, she was light years ahead of the class in Vulcan II. Sometimes, when they were alone in his office, she even talked to him in Vulcan, giving him a strange sense of home.

But Spock couldn't help but notice the particulars about Nyota. She never needed to clean constantly, or engage in inappropriate conversations. Always politically correct. Whenever he handed something for Nyota to throw away, she would take it easily and walk calmly to a trash receptacle. Her family was apparently loving and proud of her achievements, and she would tell him stories about them.

He was considering these differences one day while straightening his uniform. It was a Friday, and even without classes to teach, Spock still had office hours that had to be fulfilled. If he was not Vulcan, he may have felt guilty for handing out grades the day before, ruining the happy mood for the coming weekend. But he was Vulcan, and didn't view it as his fault for their lack of studying.

Right when he was about to pick a piece of lint off his pant leg, the computer in his study beeped. Moving easily around the apartment, Spock accepted the communication from the U.S.S. Liberty.

"Terrence, how have you been?" He did not bother to sit having to leave soon.

Terry mock-pulled his hair out. "Spock, you really don't have to call me Terrence anymore. If you wanted to call me Terry, that would be fine."

"Is that what you would prefer?"

"It doesn't make a difference to me either way, but when you call me Terrence, I always feel like you're about to yell at me. Which I know is completely uncalled for since you are neither my mother, or a person who would yell anyways."

"But it does not make a difference, you say?"

"Fine, call me Terrence. I don't care. I have been having a wonderful time here. Keira and I have been working on a new life support system. It's going to be super big and amazing, and once it starts working, and the praise rolls in, I'll be the hottest thing in engineering. Keira will be too since she helped me on it. God, you should see her ass in that dress Starfleet makes women wear."

"Keira is your woman, Terrence. I have no desire to see that part of her."

"But I'm sure you would if it was Felicity."

Spock had not been expecting those words in that particular placement to create that specific sentence. Memory upon memory, or should we say, fantasy upon fantasy came about where Felicity's bottom always procured a prominent roll. There mere shape of it was something Spock contemplated many times, and as for the feel of it was as much an anticipated mystery as Sha Ka Ree or even Terran Heaven.

Spock sighed, marginally irritated that the vision of Felicity's bottom would be in his mind for the rest of the day. "Felicity is no longer my concern."

"Alright then. How are your classes? What are you teaching?"

"Xenolinguistics, Vulcan Linguistics I and II, Astrophysics, Quantum Physics, Electrodynamics, and Quantum Theory of Matter. Next semester I may help with some of the labs in both communications and physics, but for right now, I only teach."

Terry laughed out loud. "Shit, you're teaching almost as many classes as you were taking."

"I was only scheduled to teach Vulcan I, but the director of the communications department requested that I teach the others, as she was short on teachers this summer."

"So do you miss me yet?"

"I must say that I am reluctant to accept the change from the past four months."

"Not to mention, there's no Felicity." Terry analyzed Spock. Her presence still lingered with him, but he was sure trying his damned best to be stoic...or Vulcan about it. "Has she contacted you yet?"

"No. Why would she?"

"I just would have thought she may have grown some balls."

This statement actually earned Terry a small, physical response of disbelief. "Why would she want to do that?"

"Not literally. I thought she may have owned up to her bullshit and called on you to make amends. Am I wrong in thinking that you would want to talk to her too?"

"You are not wrong, but there have been changes that cannot be undone, Terrence. You have left, and while you are coming back, it is doubtful that we would room together again or have long, extended contact with one another. It is the same with Felicity, even before she left, we were separated, and there is not much either of us could do about it."

"You could call her."

"I will not bother her when she has made it so apparent that she does not wish to speak with me."

Terry raised his eyebrows and upped the ante. "I'll call her then."

"You will do no such thing, and you will cease to argue with me about this. Felicity is not something I wish to discuss."

"Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Unfortunately, Terry, I have to end this communication." Spock shook his head and prepared to shut off the computer.

Terry protested. "That's not fair! I just called you. We've only talked a few minutes."

"I have called on you many times, and 78 percent of the time you can't even bother to spare me a few words."

"Fine. Fine. What do you have to do?"

"My office hours are starting in twenty minutes, and I just sent out grades, therefore my office will be filled with students this afternoon."

"I am so glad that I never had to take a class taught by you, man."

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter. Have fun ruining those kids' peace of mind." Terry waived at the computer.

Spock nodded in return, "Goodbye, Terrence." and exited his apartment.

While mundane, his life was not lost from occasional interests.

It was August, and still hot outside. Spock was forever grateful that Starfleet headquarters were located in California, rather than somewhere colder like Alaska or Greenland. He would without complaint, have joined the Vulcan Science Academy and endured the heckling if that had meant staying out of such cold weather.

His office in sight, Spock saw a small, cappuccino colored figure sitting cross-legged on the tile next to his door. Hearing him walk up, Nyota looked at Spock and smiled as she gathered her items to stuff back into her bag. He opened his office without a word exchanged between them and walked in, Nyota in his wake.

In the two semesters Spock had been teaching at the academy, she had been in four out of the seven classes he was teaching. This was part because he was one of the best teacher, part because she had to take most of the communications classes he taught and part because he was the most gorgeous thing she had ever laid eyes on.

She had sought Spock many times outside of class or beyond the pretenses of his office to have pleasant conversations about the weather or new Starfleet protocols and would always inquire about his well being. Infinitely hoping that he would ask to spend more time with her. What a joke of an idea that was. She would have to take the upper hand with this Vulcan.

Nyota found Spock attractive when she had met him at dinner ages ago. Her own personal cultural diversity allowed her to understand and respect Spock in a way she felt he deserved. But seeing him accompanied by the neurotic Felicity Windsor, she could not help but wonder how he had gotten himself into such a mess.

She decided to covertly approach the subject while looking through a PADD to voice her grade complaints.

"Have you tried to call Felicity lately?"

The randomness of the question made Spock's eyebrows furrow. She hardly ever broached the subject. "No. I have not."

Nyota smiled to herself. "That's good."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because, when a man calls you over and over again trying to get your attention, it is the most irritating thing in the world. I think you're doing right by not talking to her and putting the past behind you."

"So you are suggesting that Felicity prefers my lack of contact."

"Exactly. Don't try too hard to get her back. It would only backfire."

"All the advise I have gotten from others is that I shouldn't be so dormant. Why would your course of action be better?"

Nyota knew she was treading dangerous water, but had to try and make Spock see the possibilities of a potentially fatal communication. "Felicity has probably moved on and doesn't want to be bothered."

It was difficult for him to hide the pain in his voice. "You think Felicity doesn't consider me anymore?"

"I'll put it this way. There's this one guy I met at a bar in Iowa, and the whole time I was there, he constantly hit on me. Later, I found out he enlisted in Starfleet. Now I have several classes with him where he continues those same antics. While the man is harmless, he can be a bit annoying."

Spock nodded understanding her concept. "I do not understand the purpose of consistently pursuing a woman who has made it known, that she does not approve of the advances. Why would a man do that?"

"I don't know, that is simply the way things are."

He looked over Nyota and tried again to give her the benefit of the doubt. "You can offer no explanation for me about those behaviors?"

She rolled her eyes and disregarded his question as one with no alternate purpose. "I doubt anyone would know 'why', Spock."

Spock's thoughts immediately and respectfully disagreed, thinking of one person in particular who would be able to give him a logical answer about any type of human behavior. Nyota pointed to the PADD screen and started to complain; her argument fell on deaf ears and a preoccupied mind.

****************************************************************************

Another month of monotonous teaching and grading passed by Spock's life. Nothing too extravagant, even for an average human. But what was three years out of his extended life span? It would be a mark of caliber on his resume and another experience under his belt. What surprised Spock the most about teaching was how much of a curve he had to grade on. The general apathy for a topic that would one day be a person's career astounded him to no ending extent. Humans were lazy, gluttonous, carnal creatures, and having so few ties to a world where he was a minority was difficult, frustrating and lonesome. Besides the weekly, absurd conversations he had with the talkative Oona, and the now prominent flirtations of Nyota, there didn't seem to be anything of much interest.

Nyota would dote on Spock constantly, sometimes would even bring tea to him in his office when she had a lot of academic questions for him, and compliment his logic and intelligence over and over again. It even got to the point where, somehow beyond his knowledge, she found out what apartment he lived at and would come calling on him there. She often brought him lunch for these occasions, knowing that the social protocols were being pushed to their limits.

Spock would allow her these niceties but rejected her invitations to go out. Quoting the ethics manual of Starfleet, he would point out that he being professor and student, they were not to be seen fraternizing outside of an academic realm. She would try persuading him by saying it would be fun and would take his mind off Felicity. If possible, which such an activity could not realistically remove a memory from a mind, Spock would not have gone anyway.

He shared no common infatuation with Nyota, but that did not stop her.

Spock closed his eyes to remove the agitation from his body and mind. His hand rested lightly on the desk in his study waiting for a communication from Terry. The blonde said that he would contact Spock at 1800 hours and was now six minutes past his estimated time.

Suddenly the screen came to life, and an excited Terry smiled big. "Hey, Spock."

Spock nodded. "Terrence."

"I finally was able to talk to Felicity last night."

Spock was bombarded by questions he wanted to ask. _How is she? Is she ok? Has she found another man to occupy her time? Does she miss me? Was she as beautiful as I remember?_ But only one of the more important and self preserving questions surfaced. "Why, after I told you not to call her, did you go against my wishes?"

Terry scowled at the Vulcan. "Hey, she's my friend too, ok?"

"Alright. What did you two talk about?"

"How you miss her." The amusement could not be held in as a big, menacing grin spread across Terry's face.

"I think if I were to feel an emotion right now, it would most likely be labeled as hate."

"Would it be directed toward me?" Terry asked in mocking innocence.

Spock continued to glare at him. "Very much so."

The mischievous blonde then dramatically squinted his eyes and rested his chin of his fist considering. "Then it most definitely would be 'hate'."

"Why did you do that?"

"To get her thinking and regretting. I could tell her about Nyota if you want, you know, antagonize the whole situation."

"That would not be wise."

"Whatever you say."

Spock could not help himself and asked a question that should not matter to him one bit. "How did she sound?"

"Tired. Apparently Tracie's been hassling her lately. You know how Tracie can get." Terry shook his head.

"Thoroughly."

In his joy to be talking with Spock at some length again, he got carried away with his gossip. "She met a new man."

This hit Spock in the face hard.

Terry realized his faux pas and quickly tried to redeem the statement. "I mean. They're friends. That's it. He is her supervisor, they work together and sometimes hangout. I think that's all there is to it."

Spock looked away from the screen and at his feet instead. What did it even matter to him if Felicity found herself another mate? _I obviously was not what she required. If she is happy now, that is all I could wish to ask for, even if it's not with me._ His sulking discomposed him again and he resolved to stop. "It's fine, Terry."

"You called me 'Terry'! Oh, Spock. My news must have really made you out of wits for that to happen. I'm so sorry. Let's forget about it. What have you been doing lately? Have you been seeing Nyota?"

"I see her everyday in class, during my office hours and sometimes she comes over where we have tea together while I help her with linguistics."

"Wow, you let her over to your apartment? That's pretty intense for you."

"While we mainly have conversations of an academic nature, we do converse about many topics, none of which are inappropriate, so I do not see why you are so concerned."

"Have you considered having a relationship with her? She is pretty hot."

Spock looked at his friend sternly. "Terrence, it is impossible for me to enter in a romantic engagement with one of my students."

"We're back to 'Terrence' now, are we? You can do whatever you want, Spock. If you don't want to be with this girl, that's fine, but don't let rules slow you down. Live more vicariously."

"That would not be logical."

"Anything else new happen in the past month?"

"I have spoken to Professor Omnowa many times."

"And?" Terry loved hearing about Oona. She sounded far too cool.

"She still wants me to play my lute with her."

"Then do it! Be a big boy and go socialize with normal people."

"I would hardly consider Professor Omnowa normal."

"How many dolphins did you say she had in her office?"

"At least 100 different items."

"Yikes. That is really odd."

"While her company is pleasant, I find it difficult relating to her."

"I doubt many people could relate to her. Maybe if they had a fantastic love for dolphins too."

The bell to Spock's personal quarters rang.

Terry looked around the view of Spock's study as if he were able to see who might be waiting at the door. "Who is that? Is that Nyota?"

The Vulcan nodded. "Either her or Professor Omnowa. The two give me very little peace on my own."

A big smile adorned Terry's face once more. "If it's Nyota, you should make out with her."

"Goodbye, Terrence." Spock shut off the computer without wanting to hear another word.

He walked to the door to properly accept his visitor, which of course, was Nyota.

"Hi."

"Good afternoon, Cadet." Spock hesitated, not yet feeling comfortable letting her easily into his apartment, especially being so closely affiliated with the other teacher's quarters. "Come in."

When with her, he proceeded with caution. Nyota was perfect beyond any doubt, and cared for him far too much than he felt he deserved. Nevertheless, she wanted him, a statement she would voice often. Nyota wanted to help him, be with him and love him.

But she was not Felicity, and Spock had to remind her of this when their typical, pointless banter got a bit out of control.

"What is it you wish to complain about today, Cadet?" There was no humor in Spock's voice. He was absolutely serious with his question.

Nyota stopped unpacking her PADDs and reviewed him.

His consistent reluctance to mingle with or talk to Nyota frustrated her to no end. He accepted her friendship, hesitantly, but would not allow her anything else. If she gently touched even his arm while in class, Spock would pull immediately away and check on his other students. She watched him. Every miniscule action; a sigh, his lips quirking up, muscles tensing, brow furrowed, Nyota took the time to watch and memorize.

She opened her mouth and closed it a few times in an attempt to gather her thoughts. "Spock?"

"'Professor'. Yes?"

Nyota ignored the correction and asked him slowly, "Do you still think about Felicity all the time?"

 _So this is what you really came here to discuss?_ "She consumes much of my thoughts."

"I don't see why. The few times we met each other, she always came across as a real bitch."

Spock nodded mildly agreeing. "She had her own way about things."

"But even so, Spock, did she ever bring you tea, food, small gifts like I do?" Nyota held out the salad she always brought him when intruding on his space.

 _Why would that matter? Vulcans do not require gifts._ Spock was unsure if his answer would lead him into one of those psychological traps women placed. "Not as often, but yes."

"Well, I just don't see her as being good for you. You really deserve so much better than Felicity Windsor and all her obsessive compulsions."

For the first time in a long time, Spock felt defensive. "Her tendencies did not bother me. I found them to be quite intriguing most of the time."

"Any woman who gets so angry at you over a simple argument isn't a good woman to be around. You need someone who understands you, Spock. Someone who will see your side of things and not judge you for being different."

He really did not want to rehash an episode from six months ago but continued to feel the need to defend her honor. "'Professor'. Up until that point, Felicity always displayed those qualities. I can see her point of view, but you keep ignoring the points that she made, which I find contradictory because that is what you are criticizing her for. Being one-sided."

"I'm trying to be on your side, Spock."

He chose to ignore the lack of pretenses. "And that is merit for you to ignore the opposition?"

"Yes it is, because I only want what is best for you. You're perfect and deserve to be treated so." She reached up to brush his hair with her fingertips.

Spock snaked away from her hand. "Nyota, I do not wish to argue with you."

"It is bad, isn't it? We do not need to let Felicity Windsor ruin our day."

"That is not it. Felicity was angered my my imprudence but too stubborn to admit her own faults to me, I'm sure of it. In comparison, you are too ignorant to even understand what I have been trying to tell you about her for the past five months."

Nyota waved off his statement and continued to press her luck. "Felicity was horrible."

His teeth were clenched. "No. She. Was. Not. Why do you dislike her so? Did she wrong you in some way?"

"She wasn't good for you, that's all. Any woman who doesn't give you the time of day is a fool to me, because I think you are absolutely amazing."

"I am not yours, Nyota. Do not ever forget that."

"Spock, I'm sorry. I know you're still hung up on this girl, but you need to let things go. She's never coming back. Keeping her in your thoughts like this is not logical."

"You know nothing about what occupies my thoughts. Even after five months of her being gone, you are resolutely under the assumption that I can have no coherent reasoning. Indeed, I do think about Felicity more than my logic dictates, but she is not the only thing I think about."

Deciding that changing the subject to her would prove more fruitful, Nyota asked, "Do you think about me ever?"

"Yes." He answered simply.

She stepped toward him coyly. "What enters your mind? How amazing I am at speaking your language? Not having such a large butt and thighs-"

"When you are in my thoughts, I do compare you to Felicity and every time I do so, I always come to the same conclusion that they two of you are nothing alike. Everything, every nuance about her I adored, every imperfection I suppose you would call it. I did not consider it an inconvenience to be the one who always had to remove any trash from a surface. You are an elite student, but what other things occupy your time, Nyota? You are passionate about school and your career but nothing else, making you less well rounded and interesting."

Her jaw dropped. "You think Felicity Windsor was more interesting than me?"

"I do with absolute certainty. Your conversations, though interesting, hold no substance comparable to Felicity's. There are no special talents you have as there are no neurotic deficiencies. You are too typical."

"Wow. I have tried so hard for months to get you to notice me. I try to be perfect, as perfect as a human could be, and it turns out that after all this work, you wanted someone who was weird."

"You are not understanding me, Nyota. If you had more compulsions, more body fat, lighter skin, if you tried to make anything about you comparable to Felicity, I still would not want you. You are not her, and therefore hold no part of my heart."

Nyota still did not believe hi completely. There had to be some way she could wedge herself in his heart, but she tried to ask first. Maybe he would relinquish some secret for his affections. "So there is without a doubt, no way you would ever see me as more than a friend?"

"No."

"I should have known. I should have seen it coming, since she is all you talk about." She would not give up this easily, but now knew her boundaries.

"We have conversations concerning topics that have nothing to do with Felicity."

Nyota shook her head and looked at Spock in all seriousness correcting him. "We pretend to."


	14. Ethos

"How about dinner in my quarters after your shift?" Marovin leaned over nosily and wagged his eyebrows at Felicity.

"I probably won't be hungry after this?"

"I don't believe you." He snorted at her lack of interest.

Felicity waived him off while staring at a black-eyed, dark-featured man walking through the mess hall. "I don't care. Marovin, is that the captain?"

"Yes. Damien Tarr, the only Betazoid captain in Starfleet."

She nodded while regarding him. "That's interesting. He looks kinda mean."

Marovin's look turned contemplative. "Oh no, he's one of the nicest men I have ever met. He only has to look mean since he's the captain."

"I haven't met him, so he doesn't seem that nice to me."

"There is no need for the captain to meet every insignificant crew member of the ship."

Felicity turned back to glare at Marovin in mock protest. "Oh, I'll remember that the next time you want to do that thing you like so much...you know...the one I have to be all dressed up for...too bad that'll never happen again."

"You like it just as much as me and I seriously doubt that your Vulcan would be able to do it any better, so you might as well quit threatening me with its discontinuation."

"Back off my Vulcans, ok?"

"Vulcans? What? Have you seduced Ku-lak now too?"

Shrugging her shoulders, she rolled her eyes. "Maybe."

"You're relentless. What is it about them? The pointy ears? How quaint and fairytale-like."

She leaned over the counter at Marovin. "I think you're jealous."

"Of Vulcans? Not in the slightest. I doubt they could even comprehend that one thing I do to you so often." Marovin leaned right back at her.

Felicity sighed and nodded her head. "Yeah, you're probably right. They are quick learners though."

"So what do you say? A nice candle lit dinner with me later?" He gave her an alluring, crooked smile.

"You, sir, are a cad. I don't think I've even mourned enough yet." The words were lighthearted, but the meaning was entirely sincere and painful.

"Has he tried to contact you?"

"No."

Marovin stared right into her eyes. "He seems over it."

The blood in her heart quit pumping for a millisecond at the possibility. "Thanks a lot, wow."

"I just want you to live in the here and now, Felicity."

Marovin, in an act to be chivalrous, gathered all of Felicity's trash and complied it with his own, creating a souffle of compulsion for Felicity. She stared at the balled-up bane of her existence missing part of what he was saying to her.

"-about seven."

"You're coming over around seven, is that what you said?"

"No, I asked if you wanted to come over around seven."

She shook her head vigorously. "Well I don't. I want to relax in my room and pout about how boring and lonely it is around here."

"You're going to have to get used to it while being on a starship. You think we can drop you off, whenever you get wanton for company, anytime you like?"

Glaring back at him, "Leave me alone, and go back to supervising some unfortunate security ensigns."

"If you are so adamant about staying in your quarters tonight, would you mind if I came over? We could take it easy and relax...?"

Felicity pondered the possibility. She was awfully tired and in desperate need of sleep; maybe also a good long shower and snugly pajamas, but seeing Marovin did have its advantages. "Only if you bring me more of your Mazarite wine."

He grinned at her. "You're an inebriate."

"You're the bad influence."

"Fair enough. I'll see you then." Marovin stood to leave with the catastrophe of trash in his possession. Some of Felicity's tension eased.

"Bring the wine." she called after him as he left.

Looking around the mess hall, Felicity contemplated her next move. She did not have to report to duty for the rest of the day and now had hours until the next shift. Of course, Marovin would be coming by, but that was later, and there were so many things that she could do. The most productive and pleasant idea that came to mind was sleep. Nothing in the world made Felicity happier, especially at this point in her exhaustive life.

Making her way out of the large room, passing by colleagues and smiling at coworkers, she took her time getting to her quarters. Often, Felicity would stop and talk with a friend or acquaintance in the corridors, neither saying much, since there wasn't much on the ship to talk about, but still they would exchange pleasantries. These actually were initiated by Felicity who was feeling unusually upbeat. Noting her mood, she planned to petition Marovin for more often afternoons off.

Her room still had dreary walls, but they were decorated with brightly colored paintings. Most were Felicity's abstract pieces, since they had the most vivid hues rather than the more life-like ones. It made the room feel like home.

Home.

Instead of being an absolute loafer, she opted to find out what Tracie was doing these days. The two women had not talked in almost two weeks, and Felicity was finding it odd. Not that they haven't talked, but the fact that Tracie had not called her and left her any messages even once over that duration. They were drifting apart, that much was apparent, and Felicity wanted a little of what used to be back in her life.

The computer screen burst into life and started to process the request for communication to Earth. Being unsure of what time exactly it would be at their quaint apartment, Felicity hoped that Tracie would be home to accept the request.

And her luck held out.

"Hey." A typically weary Tracie smiled at the computer.

"Hey, Tracie. I thought you would have been at work right now."

Tracie shook her head and stared at Felicity with half-closed eyes. "No, I took the day off."

"How'd you manage that? You have to work overtime every single day, and they let you take a day off?"

"I have worked so hard the past month that I knew I was going to fall out. I had to take the day off to sleep."

"How have you been?"

"Fucking miserable. Everything here sucks. Work sucks, I'm alone and I never do anything but sleep, but that is all I can do. I am way too tired to do anything else, because all I do is fucking work all the time. I'm seriously putting in at least twenty hours of overtime a day."

Felicity smiled knowing the RN had no idea what she was saying. "Really, 'a day'?"

"Ah, uhm, a week. You know what I mean. And I'm on my period too, so I'm fucking miserable and in fucking pain. Clots of blood are just pouring out of my body."

"Eeeewww. Shit, Tracie, I know what that's like, so you really don't have to tell me about it."

"Seriously! It's like I'm having a miscarriage."

"Haha! Sucks for you!" she gloated.

"You wait and see when you go through menopause. You'll be bitching about all the same shit I am, and I'll be in some nursing home with Alzheimer's laughing my ass off at you."

"What's wrong at work?"

"I'm working way to hard and all the time. Any time I go in, I practically get sick to my stomach. I think there might be something really wrong with me, Felicity. I don't feel depressed enough to be bipolar depressed, but I know I'm not right."

Felicity "I'll say."

"I'm trying to be serious here."

"I know you are. Have you gone to see your doctor about your medication? It might be that."

"Not yet. I was supposed to go and see him last Friday, but I was too fucking tired after work that I had to come right home."

"Well, when you see him, I'm sure he'll be able to help."

"And I miss you being gone. I mean, I really fucking want you to come home."

Marovin's words came back to Felicity, and she said them out loud, not really sure what she was hoping to achieve from them. "I can't, Tracie. What do you expect me to do? Petition my captain for a leave of absence so my friend won't feel so lonely?"

"You don't have to be a fucking bitch about it."

At this point, Felicity was getting frustrated with everyone criticizing her, confident she may be, people constantly complaining or pointing out her problems was not something that she could welcome with compassion. "But what do you expect me to do? I have to live my life and can't always be worried about your problems."

"My problems?" Tracie's previously tired eyes came to life with anger.

Her frustration turned into a vendetta and was aimed at the person she was talking to. Even though Felicity was in her right to be mad at Tracie for always dominating the conversation to her subject matter, there was no need to be overly rude. "Tracie, do you ever call and ask me about my day? No. You always start going on about how pissed you are about everything. I don't feel like hearing about it every time I see you."

"Fine then, I won't fucking call you, and don't bother calling me."

"What? Is there nothing else you would have to say to me if you didn't bitch?"

"Apparently so. I'll talk to you later." The screen went blank before Felicity could say anything in response. She considered calling Tracie back but really didn't want to talk to her.

Instead, she stood from the desk and walked to her bed, not even caring to take the time to change clothes.

Marovin walked pleasantly through the ships corridors. He held no intentions for sex tonight. Not because of their argument, but when Felicity drank, she was horrible in bed. Spending the time with her drinking was not a problem for the Mazarite either. He loved being around the small woman, because she always proved to be entertaining. Not in a 'class clown' way. No, Felicity was more cerebral and dry with her humor and often self deprecating when she knew she was on a good streak.

He was surprised at how close they had become over the past month, which he was mostly to blame. For someone like Felicity, he would have thought it may take ages to approach her with the subject of a relationship, but all it took was a few weeks of teasing, one good, unexpected kiss, and she was all his. Assuming that this might also be a way for her to diffuse some of her pent-up passion, Marovin did not mind in the slightest. She was with him and kept the Spock talk to a minimum...although it occasionally did surface.

These were moments the good Mazarite wished to cease existence from the universe. There was nothing that hurt him, more and unnecessarily than Felicity with a far-off look, a small smile playing on her face, and her chest heaving with a sigh while thinking about a man other than him.

But how could he ever find it in himself to ask Felicity to stop thinking about a man she had wanted for almost the whole duration of her stay at the academy? He kept his thoughts on the matter to himself and let his lady do what she wished when it came to matters of the heart; only hoping that she would give him fair notice before breaking his heart. Not that this possibility would ever happen, but there is always a chance for everything, even light years away from Earth.

Pushing the thoughts from his troubled mind, he pressed the button on the keypad next to her door. Marovin waited so long that he actually rang the bell three times before the door ever opened. When it did, a sleepy, disheveled Felicity looked at him curiously.

"I was coming over around seven, remember?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"May I come in?"

"Mmmhmmm." Felicity stepped aside and allowed Marovin to stride in, his long legs taking him to the couch and coffee table quickly. His broad shoulders turned to her direction, and he regarded her with amused eyes.

"I see you didn't even change out of your uniform. I expect it to be pressed for in the morning."

Felicity's eyebrows knitted as she plopped into a perfectly aligned chair. "Kiss my ass."

"You really deserve multiple court marshals for the way to speak to me."

"You're not on duty. I can talk to you however I like."

"How about you go take a shower, change, and we can start drinking some of the wine I brought." He wagged the bottle of wine and gave her a saucy look.

"No. You are going to pour me a large glass, and I will take a shower and change while I'm drinking it, then we can start drinking together."

"Fine. Have it your way." Marovin walked to cabinets Felicity had in her officer's quarters and located two plain, but large, crystal, wine goblets.

She rested her chin in her hands. "I always do."

"I think I indulge you too much." He poured the magenta liquid into the first one, careful not to spill any of the precious liquid.

"Your problem, not mine."

"I'm too nice of a man I suppose." The second glass was filled much more inappropriately than the first, with the wine almost reaching the rim of the glass.

"You're not a man, you're a Mazarite."

Marovin gingerly walked the full glass to Felicity and offered it to her. "Here's your wine. Go bathe."

She took the glass without hesitation and stood. "Be back in a bit."

Marovin watched her go and said to himself, "She'll be drunk before she even gets out of the shower." He sat on the couch, getting comfortable, and sipped the wine while humming tunelessly.

Glass after glass, Marovin had and was getting progressively drunker as the large decanter-like-bottle emptied. He hoped that Felicity would be out soon enough so she would be able to drink with him, otherwise, it would all be gone before she even reentered her living space. She would not need to drink much more, her human physiology not being able to handle the high concentration of alcohol as well as his, but it would be nice to associate with her before she became wholly inebriated.

Soon, there was only a quarter left of the magenta liquid splashing about the inside of the bottle, and he had been sitting on the couch for little over an hour. Marovin gandered around the room almost overzealously, wondering what was taking Felicity. If he was impaired, who only knew how she was doing.

He made to get up, but did do too fast and had to steady himself before moving to the bathroom door.

"Felicity! Are you alright? You've been in there a while."

"I can't find my towel." she called back to him. It was an interesting remark considering she should have plenty in the small, bathing room.

"Isn't there one in there?"

"I don't know. I sshould be dry enough. I jusss put on my change of clothesss and come out."

Marovin leaned his head against the door, his shoulders shaking with laughter. Part from Felicity's intoxication, part from his own. The door opened before he expected, and the Mazarite toppled into the bathroom collapsing on Felicity.

"Get off! I'm going to be ssick."

He couldn't help but laugh while pushing up off of Felicity. "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting you to open the door so soon, my darling."

She only grunted in response and stood on unstable legs. "Marvin, make the ssship sssstop. I'm getting far too shpace ssick, or ssea ssick. Wherever I am, I'm getting far too ssick."

"Remember Felicity...the room's not spinning. It's just you."

"You're mean!" Felicity turned quickly to punch Marovin in the chest and tripped in the process, falling to the ground.

"My bottom hurss."

"Here, let me help you up." Between laughs, he gently grabbed her upper body and lifted her carefully to her feet.

"Ow ow ow ow ow! My ankle hurss, not my bottom! Ahhhhhh! I can't sshtand! I need to go to ssickbay!" Felicity's voice was abnormally whiny from the pain and the alcohol.

Marovin held on to her tightly, allowing Felicity to stand without having to put any weight on her foot. The proximity of her body was unbearably sexy, even if her condition was not. "Kat-tah's on duty right now, are you sure you want to go?"

"I have to! It hurts SSHO bad! Marvin! Carry me!"

"You're pitiful. Keep your chin up, girl."

"Iss all your fault, asshole. Iv you hadn't brought me that delishshiouss wine, I vould not be in thiss predicament!"

Marovin led her to a chair. "You'll have to sober up a bit before I get you down there."

"My ankle hurss." Felicity continued to bleat.

Quickly getting two tall glasses of water, he handed them to her. "I know drink these, and I'll take you down to sickbay."

It took Marovin an hour and a half to force five glasses on Felicity until she started to complain that it hurt her tummy. She had stopped slurring her 'S's, but her left ankle was beginning to be severely inflamed. He decided that carrying her to sickbay would be the best option, because she was in no state to take a leisurely walk along the ship with her injury.

Felicity was immensely grateful that most of the crew had retreated to their quarters by that time. Being seen by hundreds of people as she was carried, cradled was more like it, in Marovin's, not Marvin's, arms would have been more than she could handle for one evening.

When they arrived at sickbay, the area was empty save for two nurses biding their time on the shifts they were assigned. One was wiping a stain off of her immaculate, blue dress uniform, and the other was looking over patient charts.

Marovin sat Felicity down on a hospital bed then addressed the two females.

"Get Kat-tah. Commander Windsor has injured her foot."

The nurse cleaning herself looked at the other, and both did nothing.

"Now." Marovin's voice was resolute forcing the nurse who was cleaning herself to sigh and walk out of the room. Minutes later, Kat-tah appeared disgruntled by the fact that his work was interrupted and glared at both Marovin and Felicity.

Marovin looked at the small woman on the bed. "I'm going to take my leave of you now. If you need, you can stop by when your done to talk." He inched away from her as he spoke.

"You're leaving me?"

"Yes, my dear." And with a malicious grin and glance at Kat-tah, Marovin left.

Kat-tah strode purposefully over to her and demanded. "What happened?"

The humiliation and realization of the incident made Felicity blush as she spoke. "Ahhhhhhhhh...I got drunk and rolled my ankle. I've had problems with my tendons before, and I think it just messed it up pretty bad."

The Vulcan's emotionless eyes were unusually gloating. "Typical that a human would allow themselves to get so uncontrollable by alcohol."

"Hey, I could have done this sober, so don't go criticizing my drinking habits."

"And that, only goes to show how naturally incompetent you are."

If looks could kill, Kat-tah would have been KOed in approximately 0.23 seconds. Felicity's glare was unwavering as she spoke calmly. "I want Ku-lak to help me."

"He is sleeping."

"Then wake his ass up, because if you don't, I'll end up destroying everything in this room...even if I have to do so hopping on one leg."

"To think I wouldn't be able to incapacitate you in your current state is a astronomic error in judgment."

Felicity's gaze did not waiver as she spoke. "My anger could singlehandedly take your ass out."

"There is no need for profanity."

"Go get your fucking brother."

Kat-tah left in compliance, probably from frustration and a resounding desire to not be around Felicity, she was never a threatening individual, especially without good mobility. Kat-tah would have been able to flick her with his finger, and that might have taken Felicity down, so she truly believed he left to get away from her. Which was perfectly fine.

She waited there for an indefinite amount of time watching for Ku-lak to appear. Maybe Kat-tah had proven himself to be a formidable bastard and did not actually inform his twin of the situation just to see how long Felicity's patience would last, but in the end, her patience won over that argument as a sleepy Ku-lak walked into the room where she sat. "What is your issue, Felicity?"

"With your brother or my ankle?" She needed clarification.

"I know your complainants with my brother far too well. What is wrong with your ankle?"

"I rolled it, and now it hurts."

Ku-lak pulled up a stool, sat and lightly handled her left foot. "What hurts?"

"My Achilles. Right where it attaches to the heel."

Ku-lak left, searched through different drawers and cabinets. Apparently things were rearranged constantly, because it was highly unlikely that the Vulcan would forget where the devices he needed were. Eventually he came back with a device, Felicity had no idea what it would be called, and placed it on the back of her heel. "This will help speed the healing process and reattachment of the tendon to the bone. Does it hurt all the way up your calf?"

"Not hurt so much. There's just some tingling, but it does feel inflamed."

"I will get you a cortisone shot." He left again.

The hypo-injection was administered where the calf muscle met the tendon and another, right at the back of the heel. "That will reduce the inflammation and pain. What you will need to do is rest it and help promote healing. Once I am done recreating a strong bond between the bone and the tendon, I do not want you on your feet for a month unless it is to walk to and from your post, where you will be sitting as well."

Felicity shook her head thinking of what she was going to do for work. "Marovin is not going to like this. I do my scanning but also have to run around a lot."

"If there are any complications, then you can have him report back here to me."

"Oh, I will. It's kinda his fault that this happened." Felicity contemplated her ankle then moved her eyes back to the blank ones of the Vulcan. "How do I help 'promote healing', Ku-lak?"

"Massage. It stimulates blood flow to the area. Since the Achilles Tendon is a soft tissue, there is not as much blood that enters the area as there would be with a muscle. The plasma in the blood helps heal the injury faster, so it is imperative that you do this."

"So just rub the back of my calf and ankle?"

"Yes. A few times a day as well. Here, I will demonstrate for you..." He placed his hands on the back of her calf, not wishing to disturb the device reconnecting the tissue, and slowly but deeply rubbed the muscle and skin.

Ku-lak massaged Felicity's leg working from the calf muscle down the ankle to the heel and back up to the calf muscle. He squeezed and rubbed the back of her leg hard enough to increase circulation but still gentle enough to not cause pain. It was the first massage she had ever gotten from a Vulcan, from someone so perceptually cold, and having his hands roam over her skin with purpose put Felicity in a trance. The action was terribly erotic.

After some time, she had to speak in order to not have her way with him. "How come you are so comfortable with touching me?"

The massage immediately stopped. "I do not understand the question." His brows were furrowed in confusion.

"Are you not afraid to partially...mind meld with me?"

Ku-lak shook his head at Felicity. "No."

"Oh." She felt silly for the thought, unsure of Vulcan abilities and continued to look at something other than her doctor.

"Why would you presume something like that?"

"I...mmmmm...sort of...hum. I...I dated a Vulcan while at the academy." She waited for the surprise that she expected from Ku-lak, but it never came, so she pressed on. "And he was very distant with me, physically. He had difficulty touching me at all not wanting to risk being connected on some level I guess. I find it weird that you can operate at such a level of intimacy while he often wouldn't touch my arm."

Ku-lak's emotionless eyes narrowed. "It is medically necessary for me to do this for you, Felicity."

"I know." She nodded.

"I am not in any way initiating an intimate moment between us."

Felicity huffed, frustrated. "I know that. I was curious about the physical telepathy."

"If he was worried about that occurring with simple gestures, then he was very inexperienced. A mind meld must usually be consciously initiated."

She held up a finger. "Or by an intensely emotional, physical contact."

"That is true as well. Did something like that happen?"

Smiling embarrassed, she looked at her hands. "Yes. I jumped on him one day and just started kissing him. It was one of those things where after being around him almost every day for a year and a half effected my hormones. Even after a month, he could still feel some of my more intense feelings."

With his fingers remaining lightly on her calf, Ku-lak looked at Felicity with his undivided attention. "Who was he?"

"Commander Spock." The Vulcan turned his eyes down and nodded. "Do you know him?"

"We have never been acquainted, but I do know of him. He is the son of Sarek."

"That's right." She became excited and watched Ku-lak.

"How odd."

"I can't help it! I think, I might just have a thing for Vulcan men."

"I mean that he engaged in a relationship with you when he was already connected to a Vulcan female."

His words slapped her in the face, hard. "Excuse me?"

Not adhering to proper human protocols, Ku-lak was as riveted as ever to the conversation. "I am under the impression that he never told you about that during your time together."

"No, he didn't, but how do you know?" Felicity's voice was quiet.

"His family is very important. T'Pau resided over the connection and only does so for few Vulcan families."

Her shoulders dropped, deflating her even more. "So he was already pretty much married when we were dating?"

"Most Vulcans, by the age of seven, are connected to a partner."

"He was using me, then." It was the only logical answer for the situation between her and Spock.

"We are not like humans, you forget that constantly. I'm sure he found you interesting and wanted to consider as his new mate."

Felicity's jaw dropped and stared at her companion aghast and with utter disbelief. "What does that even mean, Ku-lak?"

"Felicity, assessing all the data you have given me, I will attempt, while not knowing Spock, to explain some of his behaviors. Touching. I assume his reservation was not with the possibility of connecting your minds but rather his unwavering desire to touch you. Wanting to be around you made his actions overcompensate to keep himself in check. I hold serious doubts about him being concerned to open a meld. There is then the duration of your relationship. I consider you to be a friend, but with no standing offense, do not want to see you every day; there are more important matters at hand. He would not have spent so much time with you, with the prospect of an already present bride, unless he truly considered you to be very important." His empty eyes searched his small friend's trying to see the depth of her pain. "What happened?"

She tried desperately to hide the tears that were forming in her eyes. "I don't want to talk about it."

"As you wish." He continued to massage her leg and check the status of the device that was connected to her heel. Almost a whole ten minutes passed before Felicity spoke again.

"Have you ever fallen in love, Ku-lak?"

The sudden broken silence caused him to look up. His features were alight with curiosity...all but his eyes. "Fallen? No."

"Were you bonded to a woman like Spock?"

"Both myself and Kat-tah."

"Does she mean a lot to you?" She shrugged, curious but not wishing to push any cultural boundaries.

Ku-lak stopped massaging and looked her in the eyes. "What is the specific point you are trying to make, Felicity?"

"None. I simply want to get some better understanding about Vulcan relationships. Do they mean nothing? Are they only for reproduction? Since Spock is half-human, is that why he was able to care for me?" She threw her hands into the air having a mini panic attack from all the events of the evening.

The Vulcan leaned closer to Felicity's face and stared her down, trying to convey the seriousness with his empty eyes. "I do not see my wife but a few times a year. We each lead separate but connected lives. When we are around each other, there is no need for me to hold her hand as humans tend to want to do, nor do we hardly ever kiss. But if she were to die tomorrow, I would respectfully and stoically take my leave of this ship, and return to Vulcan to properly mourn. In time, after the correct amount of social protocol had been observed, I would return to my duties and work just as efficiently as before. The only difference is that I would be a shell of my previous self. Without her, I would question my purpose."

Felicity nodded and silently contemplated his answer for a long time. Finally coming to a conclusion, she stated, "You love her."

Her answer was different than what he would have considered correct, but by human terms, that was the closest they could come to understand each other. In the end, he nodded in agreement. "I love her."

"If you are correct in your assumption about Spock caring a great deal for me, if I were to try and contact him right now, months after I had last spoken to him, rudely I might add, what do you think the chances are that he would answer my communication and want to speak to me too?"

Ku-lak nodded at her once. "The chances of that would be high."

"But why would Spock get with me if he was already with some other woman?" Her confusion at the whole convoluted relationship was overwhelming.

"Being bonded does not mean that the two have an affinity for each other, it is to protect the survival of the species and ensure procreation. Vulcans still have emotions, as I'm sure you are very well aware, and they can often find preferred mates with whom they wish to involve themselves."

Felicity literally smacked her forehead. "God! Why am I such a fucking idiot?"

"That is a question I cannot answer for you, Felicity."

"How much longer do I have to keep this thing on my ankle? I need to talk to Marovin."

"Felicity, may I suggest that you wait a while before you contact Spock."

"Why?"

Ku-lak tapped the device that was connected to her foot. "You need to heal properly and rest. Also, we will be picking up the Bolian ambassador is one month's time. When that happens, you will not have much time for an appropriately long enough conversation with him due to your constant surveillance of the ambassador."

"Do you think that is the best course of action?"

He sighed, a deep and sagacious sound while removing the medical device from her ankle, and he quietly put it away before answering the question. "What I could only assume is that, if you were to wait another year to contact him, he would still as readily accept you compared to if you were to talk to him this evening."

Felicity gingerly stepped off of the bed she was sitting on and took her time testing out her new tendon. She smiled up at her Vulcan friend. "Thank you, Ku-lak."

He lifted a brow, the action was a sharp reminder of the pointy-eared man that she truly loved, at the question, confused. "For what?"

"Taking the time to explain all that...and for healing my foot."

He waived at her as she made her way out. "All part of my day's work."

Felicity hobbled along the beige corridors utterly alone. Even in space, most people slept during the early hours of the metaphorical morning, and not many were manning the ship this late. Not only did she not have to endure the humiliation of being carried to sickbay, she did not see anyone as she hobbled to Marovin's quarters. Thank the heavens.

He was an amazing man, Marovin. He had always been there for her, except when she had been faced with a disgruntled Vulcan, but other than that, anytime she ever needed him, he always proved valiant. And boy was he handsome. Not what she was used to; the flaps over his ears being more odd than normal, but she was smitten with his personality.

Marovin was fun to be around. There was no doubt about that, and he always brought her gifts of alcohol, not synthohol, but real alcohol.

But he was not Spock.

And there was a specific purpose for her to be going to his quarters. No more intimacy. No more sex. No more relationship. No more Marovin.

She found his room and continuously pressed the bell. Ringing and ringing and ringing and ringing. Eventually he answered if not to only stop the incessant ringing of his door bell.

"Ah. I see Kat-tah patched you up well enough." He observed the left ankle that she was favoring.

Felicity shook her head. "I made him get Ku-lak to fix my ankle."

Marovin snorted. "I bet that frustrated him."

"Which one?"

"Kat-tah."

"Oh, because I was thinking you meant Ku-lak, and I was seriously about to protest. Him and I are the best of friends."

The sleepy Mazarite blinked. "I hope you are really not under that impression."

"Are you going to let me in or not?" He huffed but moved aside. Felicity did not walk far into the familiar room before she turned on him.

"Marovin, this has to quit."

"What does?"

Her hands stressed her reasoning by raising to the height of her chest and tensing. "Us. You and me. I've been an emotional train wreck pretty much since I left Spock, and I don't feel like shortchanging you."

Marovin reached out to Felicity, but she stepped back to avoid his touch. "There is nothing that you could do to make me feel shortchanged, Felicity."

"I still care about Spock and don't want that hanging over my head while I am with you...intimately."

"You didn't seem to have this problem in the past."

"Ku-lak and I were talking when he was healing my foot, and I realized that...with my feelings the way they are...I can't...be with you." She couldn't adequately put her feelings into words.

"I would never hurt you."

"I know. I just can't have a relationship with you right now. Quite possibly ever."

Marovin nodded his head and was silent for some time. He really didn't want to end anything with Felicity. She was a doll, and he truly cared for her, but his feelings being such dictated that he relinquish his claim on her. "He meant that much to you didn't he?"

"Yes." She breathed a sigh of relief as the end of this conversation became visible.

"And you're certain that you don't want to be with me?"

Her head dropped and she stared at the floor. "I'm sorry, Marovin, but yes, that's right."

"Do you plan on ever contacting him?" His eyes watched the same spot she did.

"Ku-lak thought I should...at least I think that's what he meant, but it's been so long. I doubt Spock would want to hear from me anymore."

He smiled wryly. "It's never too late to say you're sorry."

The reaction was not what she was expecting, and Felicity looked up at him. Her face was soft with compassion and friendly love. "Thank you, Marovin."

"Anything for you, my dear." Marovin reached for her hand and kissed her palm lightly.

*************************************************************************************

Felicity was more than happy that she had followed Ku-lak's advice about contacting Spock. Even for a month before the ambassador arrived on the ship, the security team was making preparations and being surveyed. She herself had to evaluate decks 13-27, making sure that there were no potential hazards to the Bolian ambassador, and it took her the whole month she was given. Most of the crew were able to complete their duties within a couple weeks, but her limited mobility made Marovin give her, her 'to-do' list much earlier. This was not an attempt at harassment, not at all, Marovin greatly respected the fact that Felicity could be honest with him and loved her just the same, but he knew that she was the only person who would be meticulous enough for the job and wanted only her.

It was one month and three days after she had hurt her ankle that the ambassador arrived on the ship accompanied by his guards. Felicity was unsure why he needed them, because Bolians were a very durable species anyway.

He arrived on the ship to a welcoming celebration. Most of the crew who were not indisposed at the moment were at the main hanger on the ship awaiting him and the potential alliance between Bolaris IX and the Federation.

The small, female investigator was part of the crowd, and standing next to her was her medical, Vulcan accomplice. He pointed to the large, robust, blue man walking with their Betazoid captain.

"That's the ambassador from Bolaris IX. He's here to try and negotiate a relationship between the planet and the Federation."

"What's the problem between Bolaris IX and the Federation?"

"There is a conflict of opinion about whether or not he is a terrorist or a freedom fighter."

Felicity made a face and nodded. "Good. I'm glad I'm not the only person who sees that those two titles are interchangeable and labeled only by opinion. "

"Well, more appropriately one side considers him a freedom fighter and the other side a terrorist. Most people can't see him as being both." he corrected her.

"Then I'm back to square one with relate-ability."

Ku-lak actually turned his head to look at Felicity. "What do you mean?"

"You know. I can't relate to hardly anyone anymore. I'm so weird."

"You never related well with anyone in the first place."

"Thanks a lot."

Another moment of silence passed between them as the ambassador shook hands with all the senior members of the crew. Ku-lak carefully observed the man as he continued to speak quietly with Felicity.

"Bolians are actually a very peaceful species, like Vulcans, they are simply more proactive about their peaceful way of life."

She nodded in agreement while watching the large, blue man laugh heartily. "Sounds reasonable. Very interesting species, the Bolians. He is really blue."

"There body is much different from many humanoid species. They can ingest a greater variety of foods than humans. There is a special coating on their tongues and lining in their stomachs that allow them to eat even acids. Their physiology is so different, that, that is why they demanded the ambassador be on this ship."

"Why?"

"Kat-tah specialized in the treatment of Bolian patients when attending the academy. I know I told you something about him devising a way to do an inter-species blood transfusion when we first met."

"Sorry, it's not something I keep at the forefront of my mind." Felicity watched as her favorite Mazarite stepped forward to shake hands with the ambassador. "What's Marovin doing?"

"Being head of security, he is greeting the ambassador. All the chief officers do."

Felicity liked the meet and greet. It gave her something to do and something to talk about. Her path did not often cross Ku-lak, and she liked whenever they were able to talk at length. "Are you going to the dinner tonight?"

"Yes. Myself, Kat-tah and Gallentine. From medical, that is." He added offhandedly.

Her eyebrows shot up. "Really? Gallentine's going? That's probably going to end up bad."

"Why do you say that?"

"You know how much he hates your brother. I mean, I do too, but I wouldn't put it past Gallentine to try and make him look like an idiot."

"If the Bolian ambassador is easily swayed to think a Vulcan is an idiot, then I would not consider him a decent dignitary."

Felicity squared her shoulder and smiled smugly. "Well, anyway. I'm going."

He turned to her again. "Where? To the dinner?"

"Yep. Marovin asked me to accompany him. You know, maybe introduce me to the ambassador."

"I think it was also an attempt to hide the fact that he selected you to play your Terran violin at the dinner. He told the captain you would be an excellent choice."

"He did what?" Felicity violently whispered.

"Shh. I would suggest you perfect your skills today and be grateful that Marovin thinks so highly of you." Ku-lak scolded and advised her.

"Shit. I can't believe he did that." Felicity lost herself deep in thought for a while and watched as the smiling ambassador walked along the line-up ranks of lower officers. "At least I will be able to meet the captain and ambassador."

Ku-lak kept his eyes trained on the blue man and said casually. "The advantages for previously sleeping with a superior officer must be great."

"How did you know?" Her whole body turned itself as she almost shouted the question. She quickly regained her composure and stood to face the party walking past.

He gave her a sideways glance. "I am not a Vulcan idiot, Felicity."

Felicity shut her mouth and watched the rest of the formalities silently schooled.

Once all of the officers were released from the arrival ceremonies, she left Ku-lak at the mercy of an overly curious engineering, female ensign and all but ran to her quarters. She had to be perfect for the upcoming dinner, and thankfully she was given the day off by Marovin. Almost every other member of security was working to make sure the ambassador was safe and secure.

While prancing around her room, hhe was wore nothing, or at least next to nothing. For some unknown reason, Felicity had donned the same red lingerie that she had modeled for Spock all those months ago. Being in them made her feel sexy and brought back all the good memories with the gorgeous Vulcan. In retrospect, it's always easier to see an argument from a mediating view point, and Felicity was beginning to feel the full ridiculousness of her actions; especially that last zinger she jabbed at him during their meeting in the hanger, after she bid Terry farewell.

Not that anything would be happening concerning him this evening, but dressing the part, made Felicity feel lighthearted and giddy.

Wishing desperately to have the choice of a proper dress over a dress uniform, she stepped into the modesty fancy red, Starfleet-issued outfit. There wasn't much difference; more elaborate brocade around the sleeve hems and neckline. Simple but stunning on her.

Felicity complimented herself while watching the way she moved in the mirror. Graceful and beautiful, as a woman should be. Her self-appreciating thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her computer in the living room.

Sighing, she moved slowly to where her computer resided. Felicity closed her eyes and tensed as she accepted the communication from Earth, and as expected, Tracie's round face immediately became framed by the screen.

"Hey." Her southern twang resounded in the one word.

"Hey, what's going on? Is everything fine?" Felicity couldn't help but sound a little impatient.

For some reason, the RN was looking everywhere but Felicity. "Uh, yeh. I just needed to know something."

"What is it?"

"Is New England a country."

"...What? You're kidding, right?" Tracie shook her head. "No! You did not call me just to find that out. I know you're shit with computers and all but get the fuck on one and LOOK IT UP! I'm busy and can't answer any whimsical question you have. Call me only at the end of the day or when it was really important."

"But this is important! I need to know!" she protested.

Felicity slapped her hand to her face frustrated. "Oh my God. I have to go." With that she turned off the screen.

Looking around to find her violin, and of course finding it exactly where it should be, Felicity set out to practice for the next few hours.

You couldn't really call it practice. It could maybe have been a loosely associated term, but what she did was closer to running her bow along the strings of her instrument making horrendous noises. She felt awfully sorry for the people in the quarters next to her own.

There were various sheets of music set out for her to play, all of which were intricate pieces. This was not a way to impress anyone around but to try and get used to the skill she had allowed her memory to lose. Her efforts proved useful after an two hours of playing and playing different music sheets.

Felicity was going through her third full book of music when the bell to her room toned. She folded the book neatly and put her violin back on it's stand before answering the door. And without any doubt to whom might be standing on the opposite end, the doors 'whooshed' opened to Marovin leaning against the frame.

One side of his mouth lifted upward as his eyes glittered with mischief. "Hello, my dear."

"How do I look?" Felicity spun around.

Marovin continued to lean, not wishing to impose on her personal space and smiled, chucking at the playfulness of his infatuation. "Ravishing. It's almost painful."

She squinted her face in confusion. "What is?"

"You looking this good without a man to escort you."

"I thought you were escorting me."

He meandered over to her and held her hand sweetly, yet within propriety. "Not properly. I can't accompany you at the end of the evening anymore."

"There are other things in life besides sex, Marovin."

"It's understandable for you to take that side, but you have never had the privilege of seeing yourself from behind. It's an amazing view."

"Very mature."

He tugged lightly on her hand. "Come, or else we'll be late."

"Should I bring my violin or will there be one waiting for me?" She harshly ripped her hand from his grasp and slapped both to her hips.

His face was only covered with mock protest. "How did you know about that?"

"Ku-lak can't keep secrets. And you're lucky he told me, because if I had to just stand up and play without having any practice, I would have made a fool out of myself, meaning you would be having a very angry security officer on your hands for the majority of our mission. That's a long time for me to hate you, Marovin. Don't ever forget that."

"No you don't need your violin, and I know you would have done well even without the practice. You're great at everything you attempt."

"Quit being a Casanova."

"I'm not. It's merely a fact."

"I'm glad you don't take your facts as lightly when we're investigating."

"Come on, let's go."

Marovin securely tucked Felicity's hand in the crook of his left arm as he guided her down the corridors.

They looked perfect together; almost like a couple. The Mazarite sighed. Only in his dearest, deepest dreams would they be a couple again. Felicity had stayed a decent distance from him over the past month, and it was exactly what he did not want. Even if he could not have her, keep her as his own, he wanted them to at least continue being the friends they were.

But now was not the right time to talk about such things.

Felicity and Marovin were nearing the captain's private dining quarters, used to entertain important guests and senior officers. The small woman tensed while getting closer to their destination, laboring with apprehension at the thought of playing for the captain and ambassador.

"Now when we get in there, you are supposed to go straight over to the orchestra area and seat yourself. You and the other players will be prompted to play Bach's Concerto for Two Violins in D minor."

"What? Do people on Bolaris IX listen to old Earth musicians?"

"Apparently so. That is what you are requested to play, so accept it. Have you ever played the song before?"

Felicity's nose was lifted in haughty-ness. "Bach is my favorite composer. Of course."

"Then you should have no problem."

"When do I get to meet the captain?" She looked at him with her usual excitement.

"When I introduce you."

"But when-"

Marovin stopped her right in front of the door to the dining room. "Hush. Remember, when we walk through that door, you walk over to the instruments and sit yourself down."

"Fine."

Marovin guided Felicity past the automatically opening doors, and she immediately left his arm to sit with other musicians. She didn't consider herself a musician in the slightest bit, she was more of an artist, but at this particular moment, she was a musician.

Watching with interest, Felicity observed the boisterous, blue man as he enthusiastically shook every crew member, at the dinners, hand. He was certainly a jolly fellow, and she found the she enjoyed his personality, which filled the majority of the room, very much.

Her attention was caught by a blue-shirted Vulcan appraising her. She ungraciously stuck her tongue out at him which earned her a surprised, curious look.

After the black-eyed captain addressed all who were sitting at the table, he regarded the orchestra with an appreciating gaze and nodded to them to begin.

The music was fast-paced; all the music during that time period and by that composer was. That specific type of music was known for having a lack of rests in the composition which made singing to near impossible. Even after practicing beforehand, she could still hear the infrequent mistakes. These were often attributed to her not hitting the right note with her bow, but she never faltered from the beat and pace of the composition, a necessary ability for any musician who might wish to play for an audience.

Once finished with the short song, everyone except for Felicity departed. She assumed that, that would be all that they would do. She considered it very weird to only have a small orchestra to play one song for such an important ensemble, but who was she to question the protocol the captain instilled? The vacancy of her other musicians left her alone to return to the already full table; all eyes on her.

"That was an excellent display of skill, Commander." Damien Tarr's dark, warm eyes were earnest in their compliment.

Felicity smiled and looked down as she sat. "Thank you, sir."

The ambassador laughed and clapped his hands. "Indeed. I agree with Captain Tarr. You should be quite proud of your accomplishments in the musical arts."

"I am very much. Thank you."

Marovin thought it would be a good idea to add gasoline to the flame. "You should also see her paintings. She's a master artist."

With no hint of false mockery at the compliment, Felicity glared at Marovin and spoke through her teeth. "Stop it."

The Bolian's eyes went wide with delight. "Wonderful! My wife loves to paint too. Haha. Although sometimes she can't help herself and ends up eating all of the paints she uses. They're very tasty, especially the blue colors."

Felicity refused to look at Ku-lak to prevent from a humiliating burst of laughter at this obtuse claim.

But the ambassador continued on unbothered by any possible disturbance. "And you, Kat-tah. While I am on this ship, perhaps you could show me your work. I am very curious to see how a Vulcan devised a way to transfuse blood to Bolians. Our genetic makeup is so different!"

"You may stop by sickbay anytime you like, ambassador." The Vulcan's hard eyes stared at the large, blue man, calculating.

The man who sat across from Kat-tah spoke up this time. "Not that Kat-tah would be very hospitable for you. He tends to render even the nicest of people speechless with contempt." It was Gallentine, and Felicity became riveted by the outburst.

Kat-tah was silent for some time, then he regarded the ambassador again. "I apologize for my subordinate, ambassador. He regrets his own lack of skill."

"Skill my ass. If you hadn't weaseled your way onto this ship with your false rhetoric, I'd still be chief medical officer."

The ambassador seemed to love the conflict as much as Felicity. "Oh dear! A spat between medical officers." He turned to the crewman sitting next to him and remarked, "I wonder what it is that makes the medical profession so cantankerous."

Kat-tah held his head high. "Lt. Commander Gallentine, you would do well-"

"That's enough from both of you. You are both dismissed." Damien Tarr's already black eyes were menacing. Gallentine roughly stood and walked away as Kat-tah rose slowly, irritated by the dejection and walked calmly out of the room."

"My apologies for the outrageous nature of those two. You should see them working together. It's absolute chaos."

The ambassador waived him off. "There has been no harm done, captain. A little healthy competition always does well for the soul...or should in this case, I should say the Katra." He burst into loud, baritone chuckles.

Marovin leaned over to Felicity and spoke quietly while Captain Tarr and the ambassador were talking. "I want you to go find Gallentine's location and keep an eye on him. Talk to him if you have to."

"That's not fair! I want to stay here and socialize. Can't another officer go?" She whispered harshly back to him.

His eyes were resolute. "Felicity, do not question my orders. Go now."

"Yes. Sir." and she sighed while reluctantly leaving her seat; always leaving before things ever got good with anything she was a part of.

**********************************************************************

Another month passed by as the U.S.S. Mercury hosted the Bolian ambassador. The ship played host to various dignitaries that voiced their complaints and granted their congratulations to the Bolians. Many stops were made on the way back to Earth and Starfleet headquarters, and the friendly ambassador would have had it no other way. He welcomed the prospect of hew allies and tried his hardest to win as many people over as possible.

Most of the dignitaries and ambassadors were smitten with the jovial, blue man. His felicitous nature made it hard for anyone to dislike him, but there were always some who had to rain on a party.

And pour it did.

Felicity was stepping out into the corridor of the security deck, relieved that her shift was over and saw Marovin running hastily past. Something of interest happened at last! Felicity, in an effort to keep her stay on the ship as exciting as possible ran to catch up with him.

"What is it, Marovin?" she said as they both reached the nearest turbolift at the same time.

His face was grim, and he did not look at her. "The ambassador's dead."

This was not the particular excitement she wanted to have. He was such a nice person. This sucked. "What? How?"

"Apparently by poisoned Vulcan brandy."

Felicity's jaw dropped to her feet. "What?"

"Kat-tah was found with him by two security members who were going to escort him to dinner. Kat-tah's now being held in the stockade. We're cleaning up the mess and the investigation before his trial and expulsion from Starfleet. Not to mention sentencing him to life in prison. This will undoubtedly halt negotiations of an alliance between the Federation and Bolaris IX. I can't believe I used to drink with that Vulcan too. This is the perfect example of how you shouldn't trust anyone Felicity."

Felicity was properly trained and started her thinking and questioning. "What was Kat-tah doing in the ambassador's quarters?"

"Giving him a 'physical exam'. A load of bullshit."

"How was it poisoned? Bolians have such a strong tolerance to...everything."

"It was an alkaline. Their bodies can digest acids but not alkalines. Sodium hydroxide specifically. Someone with a superior knowledge about Bolian biology did this, and there aren't too many people like that on this ship."

Felicity nodded. Kat-tah's intellect was against him; probably the first time in his Vulcan existence. But it still didn't make sense. Why spend so much time researching a species to only go and kill them, and especially a species as sweet as Bolians. "Do you really think that Kat-tah would have done that?"

"Yes. Apparently the ambassador asked for a check up, not feeling good. One of the medical staff gave him the appropriate physical, then after that, Kat-tah went down to give the same check up. That man did not need two now did he?"

"Do you know-who gave him the first-physical?" Her speech was broken from having to jog in order to keep up with Marovin.

"Not right at this point in time."

"What if-it was Gallentine?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"There isn't evidence that points to him, and he wasn't found with the ambassador."

Felicity held up a finger. "But-there is-a-possible motive."

"And that being?"

"Gallentine hates Kat-tah. He killed the ambassador and framed him."

"I seriously doubt it, Commander. That is too stereotypical."

"It could have happened though, and we need to be aware of all possibilities.

When they arrived at the room, both were required to put on face masks. The Bolian ambassador's insides were all over the floor. Special security personnel were outfitted in bio-hazard suit to prevent any possibly burns from the noxious liquid. The ambassador's stomach acid along with the poison was burning holes in the floor where the partially dissolved organs rested. Felicity felt sick and was immediately glad to have the mask, not only to protect her face from the toxic fumes, but to prevent her from smelling the burning flesh.

She spotted the bottle on a table close by. Something caught her eye, something that would have only caught her eye specifically.

"Who was the last one to touch this bottle?" she called through the communications device on her mask to a lieutenant who was supervising the clean up.

"Kat-tah. We did a scan, and the fingerprints and DNA matches his."

Felicity pointed to the bottle accusingly and captured the attention of Marovin. "I don't think he did this."

Marovin had been regarding the poor ambassador with a pity and sadness when Felicity interrupted his esteem for the man. "Who?"

"Kat-tah." She replied frustrated.

"Why?"

"Look at this seal. After it was broken, however long ago that was...it doesn't really matter, but the bottle was closed after being poured into the ambassador's glass, or the perpetrator's glass...that doesn't matter either-"

"What does matter, Windsor?"

Felicity pointed to the seal of the bottle. "What matters is that the seal is not straight. It's not lined up. Knowing Vulcans and knowing myself, people who are obsessed with perfection, obsessive compulsive, is what you jealous people would call us, would take the time, even when murdering someone to make sure the label was straight." Yes! Score one for Felicity!

Marovin rolled his eyes at her. "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

"Why?" She became indignant.

"Because the ambassador could have been the last one to open the bottle. He is not subject to your silly obsessive compulsions."

"Lieutenant, were the ambassador's fingerprints found on the scan of this bottle too?"

The same man who had answered her before gazed over his tricorder. "Yes."

"See." Marovin said pointedly.

Felicity decided to change course. Always an appropriate action when investigating; adapting to new information. "Kat-tah knew about Bolian physiology, you said? He should have known how long it would take for the ambassador to die from this stuff. He wouldn't have been stupid enough to stay around. How long do you think it would take sodium hydroxide to fully incapacitate him?"

Marovin shook his head frustrated with Felicity. "I have no Mazaritely clue."

"Do we have the security tapes recording the traffic around his quarters?"

"Yes of course we do, but why bother going through it all?"

Now Felicity was starting to get frustrated with Marovin. "All you have, Marovin is circumstantial evidence. You have no real facts, and that is going to mess up your case big time. Sure, Kat-tah was found with the ambassador, but who's to say that he wasn't dead before the person found them together."

"Then watch the video recordings, and tell me what you find."

"As you wish master." Felicity left the security team to clean the ambassador up off the floor. Once out of the quarters she stopped to consider where would be the best place to watch the security recordings. Her quarters or the security deck? It was a difficult choice, but was won out by reason. Being tempted by the inviting bed in her quarters, Felicity walked with purpose to the security deck where she intended to seal herself in an uncomfortable room and watch the videos over and over again.

And that is exactly what she did. For most of the night actually. The first hour was spent trying to figure out how to gain access to the security computer. She eventually had to request both an engineer and a security officer to assist her. The next hour was spent locating the specific camera, camera angle and time period she wanted. Once she found the footage of Kat-tah entering the ambassador's quarters, she watched it multiple times searching for anything out of the ordinary. In particular, a bottle of Vulcan brandy. But she could not see it nor could she find a way for him to smuggle it into the room. Felicity watched the video through to the point where the security officers arrived, rewound the recording, and watched it again.

Nothing.

She decided to watch the video backwards at a slow speed. Maybe something had happened before Kat-tah had arrived. And it did. Felicity watched as Gallentine strutted backwards to the ambassador's quarters. Holding her breath, she watched he came back into frame, walking backwards again away from the room. She played the resumed the recording to normal watching mode to confirm what she had seen.

Felicity wanted to Marovin desperately, but sleep was so much more appealing, and she laid her head down on the table to rest only for a second.

But of course that second turned into two hours.

What disturbed Felicity from her rest was some random commotion on the security deck. Probably the engineers working on the environmental controls that had been going haywire on decks 21 through 27. She vowed to never complain about the noise again as she shot up, stumbling in the process and followed the computer's directions to Marovin. He was still in the room the ambassador had occupied, and Felicity wondered if he had been in there all night.

"About time." He said when she rushed to his side. There were dark circles under his eyes, but he was alert as ever. "Find out anything important with your little project?"

Felicity nodded so vigorously that some of her lose ponytail came out. "Gallentine was in the room before Kat-tah went in, but in neither of their hands did I see a bottle of brandy. Whoever did it was probably hiding it well." _Score two for Felicity!_

"Hmm. That's good to know that Gallentine is the pertetrator. Being almost positive that Kat-tah had committed the murder was sickening. You should go and talk to Ku-lak. Maybe he'll have some information for us."

"Kat-tah still may have killed the ambassador. Again, we only have video of Gallentine entering and exiting the room, not actually killing the ambassador. For fuck's sake, have you never worked with evidence on a case before, because you seem to have no idea what is going on." _Hmmm. I'll count that as a score three... ___

__"Do not speak to me like that, Commander." Marovin tried to remain her superior in the public's eye even though he didn't give a shit if she cursed at him or not._ _

__"Of course, sir."_ _

__Felicity gave Marovin a sloppy salute then hopped away. "Where are you going now?"_ _

__"I'm going to take a nap since I have been up most of the night looking through those videos over and over again trying to find one hint of a bottle on either of their person's, then I'm going to talk to Ku-lak."_ _

__"Don't be gone too long. I need you doing your job, Windsor. Prove to me that Gallentine did it."_ _

__"Don't worry. I will." She called back. "Just one hour, I promise."_ _

__Making her way quickly to her quarters, Felicity strode into her room and actually jumped on her bed, intending for a full hour of unadulterated sleep. That was until she heard her computer request confirmation for a communications request. Moaning as she crawled out of the bed, Felicity trudged over to her computer and accepted the communication from Earth._ _

__Tracie's face popped on the screen. It was almost unfamiliar given that Felicity had not spoke to her since the night of the dinner when she abruptly ended their conversation. Before that, it was a month earlier when they had fought. Talking with Tracie once a month was different, and Felicity felt guilty for admitting it to herself, but it was also liberating. There was no need to be concerned with what type of worry Tracie would come up with every single day. But this was her best friend, and Felicity was happy to see her face._ _

__Felicity's own must have looked like hell given Tracie's first comment. Even before 'hello', there was, "What's wrong?"_ _

__"Work's tough. We've been having a lot of issues lately. And I miss Spock. I talked to Marovin, and we stopped seeing each other. I wanted to talk with Spock when I got enough time to actually sit down and not want to sleep from exhaustion." Felicity sighed and smiled a weary smile at her friend._ _

__Tracie rolled her eyes and huffed. "Why do you always go on and on about him? Get the fuck over it."_ _

__Taken aback by the unexpected stab, Felicity regarded Tracie with a hint of defensive animosity. "Leave me alone. Don't go complaining to me about this when you complain about your work every single time we talk. You are the one who goes on and on about things, not me."_ _

__"I'm just telling you to get the fuck over it so you won't feel like shit anymore."_ _

__"But I don't. And this is how I deal with things. Quit criticizing me, shit."_ _

__Tracie sneered at Felicity. "You need to deal with things differently then."_ _

__"It's like you having to take your Valium."_ _

__Something in the RN snapped and Felicity could see the bipolar side coming out as Tracie started yelling at the top of her lungs at the computer screen. "EXCUSE ME? I TAKE MY VALIUM BECAUSE I'M SICK! IT'S NOT LIKE I DRINK BOTTLES OF WINE EVERY NIGHT BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO, LIKE YOU DO. I NEED IT!"_ _

__Felicity wanted her to calm down but was getting just as pissed back, part fro lack of sleep, part simply from anger. "I KNOW! That's what I was trying to say, that's how you deal with your shit. Your fucking drugs."_ _

__"DON'T YOU EVEN START CRITICIZING ME ABOUT HAVING TO TAKE DRUGS! I NEED THEM TO BE STABLE! WITHOUT THEM I'D KILL MYSELF!"_ _

__"YOU'RE NOT EVEN FUCKING STABLE WITH THEM YOU FUCKING HYPOCRATE!"_ _

__"YOU FUCKING BITCH-" Felicity slammed her finger down on the end button and sat shaking, staring at the computer screen. She was happier than she could describe for not being on Earth. After so long of having Tracie criticize her, it started to wear. It would be best if she did not speck to the RN for a couple months._ _

__She was so riled up sleep would never come. God damned Tracie always had to put her out of sorts. Felicity felt bad for adding fuel to the fire of Tracie's temperament, but this was not the time to start arguing again about their selfishness. Tracie would have to wait until all of this mess was cleared up before Felicity contacted her again. Then, maybe they would be able to agree to disagree and could be more polite to each other. Distant but polite. Felicity didn't need to be criticized by some woman with bipolar all the time. It only served to prove a point about her relationship with Spock. She was too stubborn to admit defeat or take any type of criticism. He was right, and she knew it all along, but this was different. Tracie was just as imperfect as Felicity and had no right to criticize her given her own ludicrous personality._ _

__At least, that's what Felicity thought._ _

__Deciding her time would be better spent elsewhere, Felicity made her way down to deck 12. Sickbay. She had some questions and errands for the remaining half of the Vulcan twins._ _

__Felicity was a burst of energetic furry, scarring the nurses in the room, as she entered sickbay yelling, "Ku-lak! Ku-lak! Where are you? Are you around here?"_ _

__The stoic Vulcan materialized in a doorway. "Yes, Felicity. I am here."_ _

__"How long does it take for an alkaline to incapacitate the Bolian physiology?"_ _

__His look was one of blank surprise. "I would not know exactly...my brother would be the more appropriate person to ask."_ _

__"Do you know if I can talk to him?"_ _

__"He is in specialized custody. I cannot even see him."_ _

__Just as she was about to open her mouth, Marovin's disembodied voice caught both of their attention. "Felicity, there is an urgent communication for you from Earth."_ _

__Felicity yelled back, more frustrated than she should have been with her superior officer, "I'm really f...busy right now. Tell them to call back later, Marovin, or don't accept it. Whatever you want to do. I can't talk."_ _

__"Noted." And the intership communication ended._ _

__It took Felicity only seconds to get back on track with her purpose. "Do you think he killed the ambassador?"_ _

__"Without a doubt, no." Ku-lak's answer was simple and emotionless. Felicity would have expected to see something in his eyes with the prospect of his brother's incarceration, but he was a full Vulcan. The mastery of his emotions was undoubtedly better than Spock's._ _

__"Ok, I need for you to quit doing this medical bullshit and research for me how long it would take for an alkaline to..." Her hands flailed as she tried to think of what to say, "...mess up a Bolian."_ _

__"Is that the exact terminology you are going to use in your report?"_ _

__"This is not a time to joke around, Ku-lak. I didn't think I would have to tell you that." Felicity was surprised by the comment._ _

__Ku-lak shook his head correcting Felicity's incorrect assumption. "You do not. I was genuinely curious. Having an immature dialect in the report trying to exonerate my brother does not help his case."_ _

__"There will be no report if you can find this information out for me. If the time you give me is appropriate, then there will be no possible way for your brother to be considered the perpetrator."_ _

__The Vulcan nodded. "I will do the research."_ _

__"Do you have a computer down here that I could access the security videos on? I want to be close by when you figure it out."_ _

__"You can use the one in Kat-tah's office. His computer is allowed access." Ku-lak pointed to the first room on the left with the door open._ _

__"Thank you." Felicity ran into the immaculate office, _Oh, I'm so right about that bottle thing,_ and sat at the chair in front of the main computer._ _

__It took hours of staring at the screen hoping a bottle would appear. That's when Felicity saw it. Them, actually. Gallentine was wearing gloves. Since when did Gallentine wear gloves? That's probably why his trace couldn't be found on the bottle. It wasn't absolute evidence in and of itself, but it was contributory. But there was still the matter of the bottle. There was no way Gallentine could have hidden it in the Starfleet issued uniform he was wearing on the screen. _It had to have happened at a different time._ "Computer. Rewind the current security video stream at a rate of 8x the playing speed."_ _

__The image started to move backwards; fast, but not too fast that Felicity couldn't see the people walking in and out of view. She sat and waited; her eyes analyzing every individual the passed through the frame._ _

__Eventually she got to last Monday, when the same blue shirt walked up to the door with a bottle in his possession. The same gloves on his hands. Yes! Score four for Felicity._ _

__Felicity was celebrating her victory with a little dance in the chair when Ku-lak came into the office with a PADD in hand. This was getting more exciting by the second. "I have found the information you were requesting, Felicity."_ _

__She practically spun herself out of the chair as she turned to look at Ku-lak. "Yes. And?"_ _

__He reviewed the information again before speaking. Once he had read it over enough, he set down the PADD and addressed her with his most serious, poker face. A difficult feat she imagined given that his brother was undergoing rigorous inspection. "Since Bolians have a much more tolerant biochemical structure, their bodies react at a much slower rate. But the acid in their stomachs is very volatile and becomes neutralized just as a Human or a Vulcan's would. For a Human, the reaction is almost immediate starting with vomiting. There is no need to elaborate the horrible death. For a Vulcan, the process is slower taking about twenty minutes. But for a Bolian, it takes approximately one hour for the alkaline to dissolve their stomach. There is no obtrusive vomiting, they simply die from the lack of a stomach, esophagus and intestines. Once dead, the body fluids and pieces of organs are excreted through the various holes in the body."_ _

__"Ha! Your brother had only been in with the ambassador for exactly twenty seven minutes before a security personnel found them, and Gallentine had entered the quarters exactly seventy two minutes before security found the ambassador and your brother! AND, I just located a piece of survelliance tape that shows Gallentine taking the bottle to the ambassador's room. He must have told him not to open it then." _Score five and the game for Felicity!_ "Do you still have the source of information so we can reference it?"_ _

__"Yes. I will keep it on file in my PADD."_ _

__"AMAZING! I have to go tell Marovin!" Felicity sprinted from Kat-tah's office._ _

__Ku-lak called after he hoping she would hear. "Felicity."_ _

__Popping her head back into sight, she watched him expectantly. "Yes?"_ _

__"Thank you."_ _

__"All part of my day's work, Ku-lak." She smiled and ran off._ _

__After conveying her findings to Marovin, Kat-tah was released. He did not say anything to Felicity as he walked past her out of the holding cell, but his head was not raised in it's usual snobbery. The captain personally came to the security deck to examine the findings. Felicity animatedly explained how she went from one assumption to another and took the time to carefully examine all possible pieces of evidence. She also told him about Ku-lak's involvement in finding the necessary information about Bolian physiology. Captain Tarr was impressed with Felicity's intuition told her that he would make sure she worked all important cases the ship was issued. A false promotion in a sense, since being a 'commander' should mean she gets to do that anyway. But Starfleet worked in mysterious ways, and she was glad her nosiness payed off._ _

__The security team held a mild celebration. One that congratulated their achievements, rather Felicity's achievements, but was still subdued enough to not mock the death of the ambassador. Damien Tarr was going to have a fantastic time telling the Federation about the death of the Bolian ambassador, if he had not already done so._ _

__Sleep called to Felicity. Having not slept the night before and being too shaken by her and Tracie's fight earlier, she was about to fall out on the security deck floor._ _

__"Marovin, can I go to sleep?"_ _

__"I thought you had taken a nap."_ _

__"No. Tracie and I had it out again, and I figured, 'fuck it', I'll go back to work."_ _

__"Then by all means, you have my full permission to go to your quarters and stay there for the rest of the day."_ _

__"Can I take tomorrow off?"_ _

__"Absolutely not."_ _

__"Why not? I'm the hero." Felicity started to sound whiny._ _

__"Hero at solving an awful crime."_ _

__"One of which you said was stereotypical. Gallentine was a medical major, not an investigator. He probably got the idea from watching too much drama. I would like the challenge of solving a crime committed by security. That would be unexpected and out there."_ _

__"Watch what you wish for."_ _

__"I will. So can I take tomorrow off?"_ _

__Marovin looked at her with seriousness but also an affection in his eyes. "Your shift starts at 0700."_ _

__"Fine." Pouting, she turned to leave the rest of the security officers._ _

__Felicity made her way to deck 15, her salvation. On the way there, she ran into a few walls and stumbled over her legs many times._ _

__The dreary room never looked as welcoming. Almost making it to the bedroom, Felicity remembered the communication she had from Earth. It can wait 'til later. She stopped at the doorway; bed in sight. Shit. She turned around._ _

__Felicity plopped, exhausted from the day, at her desk facing the computer. She checked the five communication messages that she had gotten that day, and all had been from Tracie. _I bet she had one interesting story to tell me with all that, or wanted to bitch me out even more. Either one._ While listening, Felicity started to nod off into the abyss of sleep, that was until a voice grabbed her attention._ _

__"Commander Windsor. Incoming message from Earth. Starfleet issued. Moderate Importance."_ _

__"Patch it through to the personal computer in my quarters, please."_ _

__The screen Felicity had been looking at, which previously encompassed Tracie's frantic face, was now bordering a very official-looking typed message. She started reading it, curious to what it would say. Line after line created a tension, a weight dominating her senses. Her breath deepened dramatically and became unsteady and unsure. Lips parted which slowly formed into a hanging jaw as eyes widened. After reading the message three times, one whisper, the suggestion of a word was exhaled as Felicity closed her eyes._ _

__"No."_ _


	15. Othello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy the introduction of my favorite character of the story tbh loll

Sitting at his desk, door opened to any who wished to drop by, Spock debated what would be him next move for the day. All of his class's assignments were graded, he had no obligations or appointments, and there were still three hours of office time this week he had left to fulfill. Thoughts drifted to the past few weeks, he decided to do some research about human flirting techniques and turned on his computer.

As time had passed on Earth, Spock found that he spent more of his time than necessary with Nyota; especially in the past month. Her and Gaila would often find their way to his quarters and sit and talk with him for hours on end, even if there was something of importance that he was supposed to attend to. She obstructed much of his efficiency, but not in any way that could be compared to how Felicity did. Nyota physically demanded his attention, by being present and around him when he had work, while it was always his own thoughts about Felicity that had him convoluted.

On occasion, when Terry would request a communication with him, Spock would ask to speak to Keira about the subject. She was always friendly and nonjudgmental about anything, and Spock found her to be a real pleasure to talk to. The two of them would talk about Nyota, and not in a mean way, either, because the sweet brunette could never have a bad word to say about anyone, and Spock was not overly upset about the attentions Nyota continuously gave him, but he was curious, and there was no better person to ask than the perspicacious Keira.

Her solution was that Nyota fancied him and wanted to start a relationship. Especially after Spock was recounting an incident that happened between them where, while helping tutor her in a subject she was already better than the rest of the students, Nyota sat next to Spock. Not for any reason comparable to them having to share equipment or needing to look at the same PADD for directions, but she still sat, too close. Typical, human mating rituals were easy for him to point out, but Nyota constantly did subtle things that he was unable to denote as normal, social interaction or flirting. Anytime he had a question regarding the behavior, Keira always had the same answer for him, and it was one he hoped not to hear.

Spock reiterated that he did not want anything along the lines of a relationship, which was a bit redundant because there would be no purpose making his point to Keira, but was surprised by her complete acceptance of his statement while not making any reference to Felicity. She was one of the few people who didn't constantly remind him about her. Oona was the only other person, but she had no idea who the woman was or that she and Spock had any kind of courtship.

Keira had the uncanny ability to talk intelligently about people, her friends even, in an objective light, but not gossip about them. Though she and Spock had difficulty truly understanding one another, Spock considered her wise beyond her years and one of the most pleasant people he had ever met. He considered Terry very lucky to be the target for her affections and hoped that they would never get into a fight that might divide them.

And as if he had know Spock was thinking about him, the computer screen diverted from lists of human flirting techniques to a request for communication from the U.S.S. Liberty. His face was placid, but on the inside, Spock felt his gut tighten from anticipation. It had been more than a couple weeks since he had last contacted the blonde man.

"What are you doing?!" Terry's eyebrows almost touched his hairline.

"I was attempting to complete some research." Spock tried to hide the guilty sense his eyes were sure to have. They were always so expressive, at least to the people who knew how to read him.

"What else is new. You doing ok?"

"There would be no reason for me to be overly distressed or joyful."

"I don't know why I even bother talking to you. There's never anything new and exciting. How are things with Oona? Have you two rocked out yet?" Terry became really excited about the idea. Anytime he and Spock had the short opportunity to talk, he always required a recount of the different dolphin earrings that she wore each time Spock had seen her.

"Not yet. Her son is still here, and she wants to wait until he leaves so we can have an adequate amount of time to practice. We're thinking maybe some time next month."

Terry's face was undecipherable to Spock. If he had to try and classify what it reflected, he would have said a mixture between awe, outrage and hilarity. "I was joking! This is actually going to happen?"

"Yes." he replied calmly.

Terry's naturally excited nature was surfacing again. "That's the coolest thing I've ever heard in my life! That's fantastic. That's more fantastic than you ever coming out to the bar with me, or when Felicity and I took you kayaking, or Getting you to skip class with me that one day; the only damn day that you skipped class probably ever in your life. Let me absorb this for a second. You're going to play your harp with some Polynesian woman who plays the ukelele."

Spock became agitated and replied much more tersely than would be appropriate on Vulcan. "It's a lute."

"What is? Your thing? That makes it all the more absurd."

Pointed brows furrowed. "How is my lute absurd?"

"No one plays the lute, Spock."

His desire to argue the illogic of Terry's statement was outweighed by a childish and human feeling of ire. "Maybe not on Earth."

The blonde raised his hands as if at phaser-point. "Fine, but the whole situation is still ridiculous."

"Was there anything you wanted in particular?" Spock asked, beginning to be properly aggrivated.

"To talk to you, that's all. It's been, what? Six months?...At least since I last saw you in the flesh. Ugh. I'm half way done with this mission, and I'll be home soon enough. Do you want to go to our usual bar when I get back?" Terry had a far-off look while thinking about his beloved bar. The best drinks in the universe were served there...at least according to him.

"An what about Keira? Is she not invited?"

"Of course she is, but I don't like talking about us as one entity, and she's not here, so I can only speak for myself."

Shrugging his shoulders, "If that is what you wish to do, I have no qualms with going."

"You've loosened up since I left." Spock was analyzed by piercing blue eyes, and it was just as Terry had said. There was no question, it was a statement, and the Vulcan felt no need to elaborate on it.

"How has Keira been fairing lately?"

"Doing well. She got a special commendation recently for her work with the computer systems."

The corners of Spock's mouth turned up. "I am hardly surprised."

"I know. She is so amazing, much like another person I used to spend a lot of my time with." It was Terry's turn to eye his perceptive friend.

"There is no need for you to bring any of that up."

"Any of what?" It was always fun for him to act just as ignorant as Spock, though his act never past as true earnestness.

Eyes narrowed. "You know exactly what I am talking about."

"Fine. Have you gone out at all lately?"

"No. Not out to the bar, which is what I'm assuming you meant. Nyota constantly pressures me to go with her and Gaila, but that is not something I would find interest in."

The engineer laughed heartily. "Go out with Oona then."

"Professor Omnowa is not an inebriated youth. She, like myself, does not need to indulge in alcohol to have a compelling conversation."

Terry was about to retort before Keira's face materialized at the side of the screen and smiled at her Vulcan friend with happy eyes. "Hi, Spock."

Straightening his back from interest, he nodded his head. "Hello, Keira. You are doing well, I hear."

"Yes, I mean, there's a lot of work all the time, but it's nice to be doing something other than classwork."

Her lover turned excitedly to her. "I told Spock that we should all go out to the bar when we get back."

Keira looked at Spock with the most serious face in the universe. "I'd love to be in a real pub again. The whiskey on this ship is a disgrace."

"Apparently Spock is going to play his lute with that crazy dolphin lady I told you about."

Keira continued to stare at Spock, her jaw to the floor. "You're full of blarney."

Her phrase took him off guard, not being one that he was acquainted with. "I'm full of what?"

"She means you're full of shit." Terry then smiled at his girlfriend. "Which he is, most of the time, but this is serious."

Spock gave him the most emotionless, condescending look. "I don't need you to translate our whole conversation, Terrence."

"Yea, Terrence. Stay out of our business!" Keira couldn't help herself and threw some gasoline on the flame.

Terry made his way to a chair in the background and yelled over Keira's shoulder. "Never mind. Don't worry about me. I'll just sit over here by myself and sulk."

"You do that." She turned back to Spock. "You're mad for doing it."

"The duet?"

"Yes. It's brilliant, but mad."

"Professor Omnowa and myself are merely exploring our musical abilities together."

"Are you sure you don't mean to say that you're friends."

Spock eyed her meaningfully, trying to elusively convey his Vulcan humor. "I could mean that."

"You're so stubborn sometimes, just like Terry, and I don't know what to do with you! Anything else new and exciting?"

"Nothing you would find interesting."

She rested her chin in her hands. "You never know. I might."

"Truly, Keira, there hasn't been much of anything going on around here."

"I don't doubt it. Well, I'd like to chat with you longer, but I'm about to fall asleep in this chair, so I'm going to take a nap. Tell Nyota I said hello."

"I will."

"Take care of yourself, honey."

Keira waved to Spock and disappeared from view.

"That girl has been working her ass off. I'm glad she came over, because I've almost forgotten what she looks like."

Spock was in the mood to continue his hinted jests. "Is your memory truly that inaccurate?"

"I swear, you have to be saying this shit just to piss me off."

Oona Omnowa morphed in the open doorway right at that second with her face unusually hectic. Large, purple, crystal dolphins hung delicately in her lobes. They were by far the most mature earrings...dolphin earrings at least, not that she wore anything else.

"Spock! I'm glad you're here, my dear! I have a very important matter to talk to you about."

"Who's that?" Terry's eyes searched the screen in which he was contained trying to find the face for the voice.

Spock glanced at the computer screen over his nose. "Professor Omnowa."

"Oh dear boy, I didn't realized that you were talking to someone. I'm sorry, but I must end your communication." Oona walked around the tidy desk, pushing Spock and his chair out of the way, almost causing him to fall over, if he hadn't been so graceful and stable while clamoring to a standing position, and pressed a blue-painted fingernail on the "off" button to Spock's computer.

"No, Spock! Don't let her turn me off! I still wanted to-" and the screen went black as the computer booted down.

"Aww. There he goes. Anyway, I've gotten wind of a specific project that is going to be stated soon, and I think you would be perfect to help work on it. We have to go talk to the dean and see if she'll let you collaborate with the other professors and officers." Oona watched as Spock sat himself back in his chair a bit disheveled.

He pursed his lips more than usual. A reaction unable to be suppressed due to his irritation. "What all does this entail?"

"Apparently it's a computer simulation that students will eventually take as a type of test. I know your good with computer programming, and this will give you something to do in your spare time. Come on, my dear. Get up! Get up!"

"How did you hear about this?"

"I'm the communications head. I hear about everything, but come on, we need to go." Oona grabbed his wrist and pulled commandingly. She was so small that she would never have been able to pull Spock out of the chair without his consent, but she had the psychological skill to get anyone to do her bidding. Mainly because Oona harassed people so thoroughly and consistently, that they became worn down. This was no different with Spock who allowed himself to be pulled out of his chair and away from his office by the hyperactive, Polynesian woman.

They walked down the halls of the physics building until they arrived outside. The air was cool from that typical fall day, an aspect Spock was not particularly fond about. Oona led the way to the administration building he had not often entered, and walked through the first floor past the endless array of doors, not looking in a single one. She knew where she was going.

The last door on the left. It was secluded and quiet but at an easily accessible part of the campus. Oona stopped at the doorway to let Spock enter first, and he stepped in swiftly wishing to end his harassment sooner than later.

Charlotte Walsingham was a short lady, not much taller than Oona, and had short, white hair. Her clothes were casual, not even Starfleet issued, something the Vulcan considered inelegant. An open and half empty bottle of red wine sat next to a goblet on the desk.

Small, round glasses sat on her nose, as she looked up from the disturbance in her room.

"May I help you?" The old woman watched Spock with wise eyes which widened when they spotted Oona walking in. "Oh good God. Oona. What are you doing here?"

Oona gestured to the Vulcan standing confused, next to her. "I came to bring you Commander Spock. I heard about the simulation test-project that is going to be started soon and wanted to suggest him as a perfect participant in its design."

"What are you talking about?"

"The program. Have you not heard about it?"

"How the hell should I know. I only get told about half the shit that goes on in my school; the other half people 'forget' to tell me. It's all a bunch of bullshit if you ask me."

"Then could you find out about the computer simulation project and put Spock on their team."

Charlotte looked at the Vulcan and nodded her head. "I assume since you are a Vulcan, but I still have to ask, that you work well with computers, have some knowledge with programing and can work well with a team."

"Yes."

"Then you're in."

Oona piped in, curious. "Are you sure that you can make this happen? I'm telling you that Spock is the best man for the job. He's a great worker and a wonderful problem solver. Please try and make this happen."

"Oona, I'm the dean. Even if not everything is brought to my attention, I get my way. Now leave. You're bothering me." Charlotte shooed them out and grabbed her wine goblet to continue her drinking.

Seeming to be satisfied with the answer, Oona dragged Spock out of the roomy office. "She's a lovely person."

It took everything in his will to keep from snorting. "I was under the impression that she was a vulgar, inebriate."

"Naturally, but she gets things done around here. I'm sure you'll be receiving word about this project soon, and just because she drinks a bottle of wine every day, even while at work, it couldn't have been that bad for you. She's such a sweet person when you get to know her, but for some reason she never likes to talk to me for too long..." The short professor trailed off with a baffled smile on her face.

It had certainly been as bad as Spock had anticipated. He had never met the dean before either and was glad to have had the opportunity should the occasion ever arise where he would be required to know her. Walking, much slower now, Spock decided to inquire about their impending duet.

"When would you like to play together, Oona?"

"I told you when my son is gone. Maybe in a month or so; he leaves in three weeks...27 days, and I cannot stand it. I always miss him so much when he's gone, and he's always gone for so long."

"He will be back eventually."

"I know, but having your child leave you time and time again is not a feeling a parent wants to have. I'm sure your parents felt that way when you left them."

"My mother regretted the leave I took of her, but my father found my departure no more than another stage of life. I do not understand the human need to be around someone constantly, especially when you know you will see them again."

Oona stared deep into his eyes. "Haven't you ever been around anyone who you wanted to spend all your time with?"

Spock was silent and realized the hypocrisy in his words. How could he even be confused by a notion like that when so recently he had experienced exactly what it felt like to want, no require the presence of another. He had not been prepared for the foolish mistake or the feeling of having his breath taken from his lungs, even though no one had hit him. It was difficult to try and fill his lungs again, and his pace slowed as he reminisced.

Oona took this silence as a resounding "yes". "That's what I thought." She grabbed a hold of his wrist again, stopped their walking and placed her hands on either side of his face. "I have never asked you about what makes you melancholy. It's none of my business, and while I know you think I don't care about what is and is not my business, I can tell this hurts you. But I want you to know, that you are not the only one who ever feels sad, and if you choose to pretend your Vulcan heritage outweighs your human heritage, that's fine, I don't need a response. If there is a solution for your sadness, find it. If not, you need to let whatever this is go, then your logic will not be weighed down by this pain you carry around. I care about you like my own son and don't want you to have any problems you can't find solutions for, but quit letting things worry you."

"Being Vulcan, I do not-" Oona slapped Spock, not too hard, across the face. He stared at her, his eyes in turmoil, his face almost showing the true alarm that was reverberating through his body.

"I don't want to hear it! I have to go, my dear, but I'll let you know when my son is gone." She stood on her tiptoes, kissed his cheek and waddled away without a further word.

Spock turned very slowly and walked in confusion to his apartment. He could consider the meeting with Dean Walsingham part of the office hours he had to fulfill and was more than glad to have locked his office door and not require anything from its contents. All he wanted right now was the salvation of a normal evening in his typical apartment. There had been too much peculiar, female activity in his day.

Things seemed so much easier when there was only one woman to worry about.

When he arrived at his apartment, things were quiet. No one was there to wait for him or expecting his arrival. He lived there alone, and it was an acute feeling. His stomach twisted into the same knot it had been in when he saw the request for communication from Terry. Or actually it might have only been hunger. That's what it was. He decided to eat something and went to his replicator to get a salad.

Not even able to sit at his dinner table, the bell toned, denoting the company Spock so desperately wished would go away.

Only half of Nyota could be seen while the other half was hidden behind the door frame. She had something in her hands, obviously hiding it from Spock's view and looked up at him, practically glowing.

"I brought you something that I know you'll love."

Spock could not even conceive of what else would happen to him today. It had started out so promisingly veritable, but women seemed to be his downfall. He mused that the many rants he heard throughout the halls from human males, about their females, were not completely unwarranted. "Nyota, I have told you that there is no need for you to bring me anything when you come over."

"But this was far too perfect.

Nyota moved her body to come into full view and held up a long, fuzzy, black thing, offering it to Spock.

He stared at the fuzz, unable to formulate a proper response. It seemed that the most simple would be satisfactory. "You got me a cat?"

"Isn't he adorable? My friend only had him for six months but then had to relocate and couldn't take him. He'll keep you company."

"I don't need company, Nyota, and my time is far too occupied to be concerned about the welfare of an animal. Perhaps you could find him another place to stay."

"Try and hold him."

"There would be no point-"

"Just do it." Her face was no longer amused.

Spock sighed and wondered why physically weaker creatures still were always able to have their way in any situation. It was not logical for the stronger, male sex to be at the mercy of a female's will, especially if the female in question was not a powerful, political figure, but it was custom, possibly even fact, nonetheless. His own, stoic father occasionally bowed to the furry that was his mother. Gingerly, he took the cat from Nyota but kept him at a safe enough distance away. The small black body started vibrating in his hands.

"He likes you."

"Maow." _Hello._

Bringing him closer for further examination, Spock looked over the cat observing his body structure and fur quality. Not even fully grown, and the cat was longer than what he would consider normal. His tail was longer too, and there were slightly balding areas between his pointy ears and inquisitive eyes.

These qualities struck Spock while he noted the irrelevant correlations between the cat and himself. While surely being uncomfortable, the small feline was content in the Vulcan's large hands, and his saucer-sized eyes started to get droopy. Spock brought him even closer to evaluate his small features more. The long whiskers were all black, and there was an almost unnoticeable piece missing from his perfectly pointed ears. His observations were halted as the pink, sandpaper-like tongue scratched against the tip of his nose.

"If there are no other options, then I suppose I am forced to accept your gift."

Nyota couldn't stop herself from showing a large, amused smile. "I really had to twist your arm with that, didn't I?"

Spock ignored her and held the cat firmly against his chest. The small, black fuzzball had no qualms with being held, that was positive. He wrapped his long tail around Spock's waist and closed his eyes happily.

Nyota interrupted their moment, excited. "What are you going to name him?"

"I am required to name the animal?"

"Of course, Spock! You could name him something like, 'Shadow' or 'Midnight'."

"What about Othello?"

She looked at him like someone had slapped her across the face. "You want to name the cat after a black, Shakespearean character?"

"It's reasonable, since the cat is black and a regal creature. Othello was a prominent member of society."

"Whatever you want."

Spock set Othello down on the couch where the small animal hopped quickly down to the floor and ran about the apartment exploring his new home.

"The pointy ears reminded me of you. And you two will never get into any arguments, so I figured he would do you some good."

He was quiet for some time, watching the cat curiously investigate his home. Finally, he answered. "Thank you, Nyota."

"Don't thank me. You know I'd do or get anything for you." Nyota shrugged and wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt at being coy.

"There is no reason for you to feel any obligations towards me. I would prefer if you did not spend so much of your time thinking about such things."

"I can't help what I like to think about, and it seems that you like the cat, so I don't see where your problem is."

"There have been 36 separate times that I have have specifically told you that I am in no need for a relationship, nor am I looking. You should spend your time more wisely."

She chose to ignore his persuasion as usual and stepped very close to his body. There was a physical heat between them, with an intensity so volatile, as chocolate eyes stared at the others. Nyota wanted nothing more than for Spock to realize the possibilities, scoop her into his arms and carry her away. The quintessential moment, but it was only one-sided. That fact filled her with regret, but that would not bring her down to the depths.

"Would you like to go out to eat?"

"I have food waiting for me."

"Then maybe we could go out later..."

Spock shook his head minimally. "No, Nyota. I am content to be alone, so if there is nothing else of importance, I would like to retire for the evening."

"If that's what you want."

He nodded once. "It is."

Nyota didn't want to leave, but there was no other elusive option. "Then I'll see you in class."

"Thank you for the cat."

She smiled wryly at the dismissal while making her way to the door. "Don't mention it."

Othello watched as his mom left and wondered where she was going. He hoped that she would come back soon.

****************************************************************************************

Spock sat on the couch petting Othello who was laying in his lap; eyes closed. His lute was resting on the pillow next to him, waiting for Oona for arrive before being put to some use. Her son left for Tahiti three days ago, and all she could talk about was how excited she was about spending real quality time with Spock.

Her son was an odd one, he thought when he met the young man at dinner months ago. He had the same olive skin and black hair as Oona. They even shared the same exact dimpled smile, though the abnormal love for dolphins was not a trait they had in common. What Spock found different was they the boy hardly spoke. He acted like every other human, but only spoke on the rarest occasions when his mother could tell exactly what he wanted from simple, quiet noises or gestures. When he wanted something, he got Oona's attention and pointed at what he wanted or sighed if she was already holding it.

Even when Oona's son met Spock, he simply smiled and nodded his head. Spock noticed that the young man watched his every move, in a curious but perceptive way. He was unsure of why.

Spock has assumed that he may have had a speech impairment, they were more common in humans than Vulcans, but was startled out of his wits one day when the boy, in a deep, eloquent voice, said, "Mom, could you please show me where I go to put my dirty laundry," and walked away. He was sure that he had sat there for a good minute staring where the young man had been standing.

They were a very different family, but his thoughts on the past events vaporized as the familiar sound of the door bell resounded in his pointy ears.

Oona stood on the other side, smiling as usual, this time with plastic, blue dolphin studs in her ears and two large black bags in her hands. She held up the one that wasn't shaped like a tiny, Terran guitar. "Here, I brought you a gift."

Spock took the offering and realized it was empty. The bag was a gift? "What is this?"

"It's a cat carrier. Now you can take Othello with you when you go to your office. He won't be so lonely all the time now that you can take him around."

"Taking the animal to my office would not be appropriate.

Othello ran to the door of his dad's apartment and looked up at Oona. "Maow, Meooow." _Hello, Oona._ He was mildly disappointed that it wasn't his mom. She rarely came to visit him, and even while his dad was always there to hold and pet him, sometimes Othello wanted his mamma.

"Hello, my darling kitty cat! How are you today?

"Meh." Fine. Othello turned back up to his dad and continued to complain. "Meow." _Dad._ "Meow." _Dad._ "Meow." _Dad._

Spock, still unsure of what the small feline was trying to convey, ignored him.

"Meow!" _Dad!_

The shrieking finally brought Spock's attention to the floor. "Yes, Othello?"

"Meooww." _I'm hungry._

"You know I cannot understand you."

"Mu meooww." _But I'm hungry._

The two simply looked into each other's eyes hoping that, that would get the point across. Oona stood by watching completely enthralled and found the stare-off quite humorous. The little panther cantered a few paces then turned back to his dad, waiting. "Meeow." _Follow me._

Othello took a couple more steps, staring back at Spock. Once his dad started to follow him, he scampered away, stopping occasionally to look back and make sure he was following. When he got to his empty food bowl, the small body started complaining again.

"Mowe! Mowe! Mowe! Mowe!" _See! See! See! See!_ He watched as his dad saw the vacant bowl. "Meooow." _Told you._

"Hold on, let me get you more food." Spock took the bowl and set it in the replicator. Tiny kibbles quickly materialized, and he set it back down in front of his little black panther. "There you are."

"Mef." _Thank you._

Oona and Spock watched the large kitten munch happily on his food for a while; Oona mainly floored at how responsive the snobbish Vulcan was to the small jabbermouth.

After some time, she got the idea that Spock suddenly remembered she was there, because he straightened and moved back over to the couch. "Is there anything in particular you would like to play?"

"Over the Rainbow. It's such a sweet song."

"I don't know it."

"Figuring as much, I brought a spare sheet of music. This isn't the version from that old show...I can't even remember the name of it now, but this it the sheet music for the version Israel Kaʻanoʻi Kamakawiwoʻole did."

Probably unable to pronounce the name if repeated to him, Spock's eyebrows shot up with speed. "Who?"

She waved him off. "A Hawaiian musician. Do you want to sing?"

"No."

"Then I'll sing, and you play the melody while I play the harmony."

"Somewhere over the rainbow  
Way up high,  
And the dreams that you dream of  
Once in a lullaby.

"Somewhere over the rainbow  
Bluebirds fly.  
And the dreams that you dream of.  
Dreams really do come true

"Someday I'll wish upon a star  
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.  
Where troubles melt like lemon drops  
High above the chimney tops  
That's where you'll find me."

Spock stopped playing his lute.

"What's wrong my dear?"

"I do not understand the significance of these lyrics. They seem too fanciful."

"But that's the point of them; to make one smile; to make a person happy. When I graduated from my high school back in Tahiti-"

"Is this going to be another long story, Oona?"

"It might be! Goodness, I can't ever tell you anything without you always having to interrupt me."

"Otherwise I would not be able to speak or you would never quit talking.."

"Humph. Anyway, as I was saying, when I graduated, this was my class song. Oh, it was such a fun time. Do you have class songs on Vulcan?"

"...No..."

"Oh...well, that year I was voted prom queen. You should have seen me! I had on this beautiful, long, metallic blue dress, it almost looked like a fish with scales. And I met my husband that night. He was so handsome in his tuxedo and black hair pulled back in a ponytail. He was standing near the drinks table very shy-like, but he's anything except shy..."

"Is this why your son hardly talks? Since you talk enough for both you and him?"

"There is no reason for you to be rude! I can't help that I talk this much. I have attention deficit and am very hyperactive. This is something I can't help, and so if you wishe to judge me on it, then I know what kind of friend you are. You're just like everyone else I know, especially all the kids in school that used to pick on me because I would never stay on topic. Sometimes, for his own entertainment, my teacher would call on me in class and demand that I perform for the rest of the students. I would dance and sing right next to my desk, and looked pretty good doing it, but you have no idea how humilitating that can be for a child."

"Does this have anything to do with the song?"

Oona gave Spock a frustrated look. "It was a good time when I graduated, and this is a good song."

"Are you ready to continue then?"

"I'll remember this next time you have a story to tell me." but she picked her ukelele back up and started plucking at the strings again.

"Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly.  
And the dreams that you dream to.  
Oh why, oh why can't I?  
"Well I see trees of green and red roses too  
I watch them bloom for me and you,  
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.  
Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white  
and the brightness of day; I like the dark,  
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

"The colors of the rainbow  
So pretty in the sky  
Are also on the faces of people passing by  
I see friends shaking hands  
Saying, "How do you do?"  
They're really saying, I...I love you  
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,  
They'll learn much more  
Than we'll know  
And I think to myself  
What a wonderful world.

"Someday I'll wish upon a star,  
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me  
Where trouble melts like lemon drops  
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me  
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high  
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I?"

"What else would you like to play, my dear?"

"I'm afraid I only have enough time for one, Oona."

"And I brought over all my sheet music! Why didn't you tell me we would only be playing one? What are you going to do that is so much more important than purging your soul and emotions into tunes and notes?"

"There originally had been more time for us to play multiple songs, but your attention deficit tends to become overbearing when you get excited and therefore we spent the majority of your time here talking about nothing in particular. Your hyperactivity does not help matters either.

"Don't you judge me!"

"I am not. I was simply explaining why our time seems to always pass without accomplishing much."

"If that's what you want to think. What do you have planned for this evening?"

"I am going out with-" and here Spock faltered, not sure of what classification to use. "-a friend. Two friends I suppose. I'm not sure what they have planned."

"You're going out with Nyota Uhura, aren't you?"

"How did you know."

"I hear about everything, remember? Also, she is in a number of the classes I teach being that her own major is in communications."

"I had never made the connection." he stated honestly. It was true. Never once had he considered Oona and Nyota ever being acquainted with one another.

"Do you plan to start a relationship with her, Spock?"

"No."

"That's good. I can tell that you don't see her in that light. Whenever you start to get that far-off look, it's never when you're talking about Nyota."

There wasn't anything he wished to reply to the statement Oona made. For some reason, it was not a topic he wanted to discuss with her, and for an even more unusual reason, she never pressed the subject.

"I'll leave you be, my dear." She lightly patted his face and wobbled to the door.

"When would you like to play again, Oona?"

"Oh...how about next week some time?" She held the ukelele case at her side like a briefcase causing Othello to stand on his back paws and sniff at it.

Spock nodded in agreement and followed her to the door which opened for her to leave and also revealed Nyota and Gaila standing on the opposing side. Nyota wore an elegant, black dress that fell mid-thigh. Gaila wore a tight, white shirt and a short jean skirt.

Both girls giggled and Nyota flashed a dazzling smile at her favorite and sexiest professor. "I was just about to ring the bell." She turned her attention to the not as gorgeous female professor. "How are you, Professor Omnowa?"

"Decent enough, though I didn't play as many songs as I would have liked due to time constraints." She shook the small case at the girls.

"Ah..." Nyota looked away and smirked.

Othello ran up to the collection of people but kept his eyes on the dark brown woman. "Mow! Mowwow wow!" _Mom! You're home!_

"Hello kitty cat."

"Rawwer meww, mow." _My name's Othello, mom._

Nyota walked right past Othello, without acknowledging him further and over to the living room, with Gaila in her wake. The poor kitty lowered his head and placed a paw on his dad's foot. Immediately he was picked up and stroked. This made him feel much happier since his mother never did anything like this. He was glad he had his father around.

Oona gave Spock an apologetic look, for what reason he was unaware, and left, ukelele in hand.

Once alone, Nyota reoccupied a seductive stance. "Are you ready?"

"Where are we going?"

"There's a nice, quiet lounge a couple blocks away. Gaila want to go out to a bar, but I thought it would be nice to go someplace where we can all hear each other without yelling."

Gaila snorted, upset that they weren't out at a bar already. "Not that it matters, since we'll be drunk anyway."

Nyota almost step on her friend's foot. She had high expectations for the evening, and they were not going to be ruined by her libidinous roommate. "Maybe not to you, but I would like to go some place where we can chat."

"Wherever you want to go then is fine with me."

Looking under her lashes at the prize for the evening, she pressed on. "Shall we?"

Suddenly wishing Oona was still in the room, Spock had a heightened sense of self-awareness with both females staring at him intently. "Othello's food dish is full, I am ready."

"Excellent."

Nyota linked her arm with his and guided him along. The position was similar to one Felicity always initiated when they walked together. Spock hoped that the evening would not be filled with comparisons, and he might be able to relax in his present company, though the odds were against him.

They walked down the different streets at a pace slower than what he was used to. The women's high heels hindered their progress, not that getting to a bar, or lounge as Nyota liked to call it, any sooner was a motive for him. Spock walked as gentlemanly and slowly as possible while two of his students spoke about nothing important and giggled constantly.

They had to walk five blocks away from the academy to get to the desired destination, he noted. It was a simple place, lit with red, fabric draped lights, but had a lot of space. There were typical stools at the bar and tall tables in the vicinity, but on the outskirts of the room, the walls were lined with red leather upholstered booths.

A cozy place to seduce a Vulcan.

A good place to get drunk.

A convenient, yet private place to have a proper conversation without the disturbances of noise or boisterous activity.

Gaila and Nyota both ordered themselves drinks from one of the three bartenders on duty. Nyota turned her chocolate eyes to Spock and asked, "Do you want something to drink?"

"Water."

Gaila shook her head and offered her glass to him. "You need a real drink. Try my martini, it's chocolate."

Spock looked at the glass apprehensively. "No. Thank you."

Disappointed by his lack of interest in alcohol, she tried to harass her roommate more. "Nyota, look at that man scoping you out over there at the other end of the bar. You should try and get with him, he's really cute."

The redhead knew full well that, that was not part of Nyota's plan tonight and they exchanged mutinous glances. "I'm not in the mood for that tonight, Gaila."

"Ya right, not with him. But since he is free, I think I'll try my luck." and she swooped away and stalked the man sitting at the bar.

Nyota saw this as a perfect opportunity to chummy up to Spock. She leaned over, close to him attempting to bridge the gap between them subtly.

"How are you and Othello getting along?"

"Well enough. I can't comprehend what he tries to convey with his crying, making it difficult to properly care for him, but I have found that he is a satisfactory companion."

"Then you're glad I gave him to you, I suppose?"

Spock felt that the question was a bit unwarranted, since it had been a month and he had already thanked her multiple times for his small panther. "Yes." he answered suspiciously.

"I'm really glad that you came out tonight. You know that I adore your company."

He watched her uneasy. "I am acutely aware of that notion."

Nyota couldn't help herself and divulged more than necessary on the occasion. "I adore almost everything about you."

Spock looked away unable to formulate an answer to her proposal. He noticed Gaila stroking a man's arm who was sitting at the bar. The act was something curious. "What is your roommate trying to accomplish?"

"She's trying to entice that man at the bar, hoping for a one night stand probably."

"Why would she want to engage in an act so insincere?"

"For sexual gratification. She's an Orion, remember? They are not a race recognized for their logic." Nyota snorted. It was cute in a way. Not at all undignified or grotesque.

"Do you think she will win the affections of the man?"

"Gaila always gets the man she wants."

Spock only nodded and continued to watch Gaila, careful to keep his field of sight away from Nyota. They sat in silence for exactly four minutes and thirty seven seconds until the premature arrival of their green companion interrupted the veil of silence.

"Shit."

Nyota straightened her back and asked, "How'd it go?"

"There were a few issues. First of all, he had a ring on his finger. I wonder what he's doing here though instead of being at home. Probably doesn't have a good relationship with the spouse." Gaila hung her head only after waving her empty glass at the bartender watching her.

"The ring stopped you? I thought you could overcome things like that, Gaila." Nyota teased.

"Did you not hear me? I said spouse. I noticed he was hitting on the blonde bartender."

Nyota and Spock both turned to observe the blonde, very handsome, very male bartender. There were those few times that Gaila did not get the man she wanted.

Gaila received her fresh drink and ingested half of it in one swallow. She examined the glass with the light brown liquid swirling around inside. "Can we go? I'm getting bored here."

"Is that due to your rejection?" Spock was not curious or in any way asking the question out of confusion. He felt like rubbing salt in Gaila's green wounds.

She sneered back at him. "Har, har."

"Where would you want to go, Gaila?"

"To the bar down the street, where I've wanted to go all along."

Nyota turned her head to Spock. "Are you fine with leaving?"

"I will acquiesce with whatever decision you have in mind for the evening." She liked that response. Hopefully it would hold true and she would get her way with whatever decision she had in mind...

She looked back at the redhead and held up her glass. "Let me finish my drink first." and to appease her uninterested companion, Nyota took a large swallow as well. Drinking half a glass of Jack and Coke in one gulp though was a difficult and sickening feat, and she had to compose herself quite introvertedly before being able to talk again.

Not that Nyota was able to concentrate much on anything. Spock wore his typical black slacks and Starfleet-issued, black shirt, but he looked so good tonight; so accessible. She was hoping for the best, even if it didn't come, it didn't hurt to hope.

In the half a year that she spent trying to win his affections, all her efforts seemed for naught, since he was still infatuated with Felicity Windsor. Not that there was any real good reason for that, but Nyota allowed him his wistful love and time to heal. It was only the proper thing to do, but she felt that seven months was more than enough time for even a human to get over a lost love, much less a Vulcan. With a firm resolve, and the poker-face a Vulcan would appreciate, she tossed back the rest of her drink.

She didn't have to say anything to Gaila. They had been roommates for so long that there wasn't much of a need for words anymore. Words were more of a show, or a way to not confuse people that were around them who weren't savvy to their body language. And without a doubt, a Vulcan would not be able to pick up the subtle hints Nyota was giving Gaila with her gestures. Without a doubt.

At least that's what humans thought. Vulcan's were more dexterous than people gave them credit for. Part was their own fault, feigning ignorance about the ways of the universe, while part was the fault of everyone else who for some reason didn't find reasonable, a species of superior intelligence, to understand body language, emotions or humor. This wasn't a mistake only partial to humans, thankfully. Many throughout the various galaxies were under the same false impressions about Vulcans.

And so they left without a word of indication to each other. Nyota and Gaila continued their careless gossip seamlessly while sliding from their chairs at the bar, Spock as ready as them.

As they walked down the street, Spock realized that they were far from being alone. There were many young people, he would assume were cadets, even though his social life was such that he didn't know any other them personally, walking around them. He caught a small bit of the conversation at hand within his small clique while observing the others.

"-was a really hard test. THAT communications professor is really difficult, Nyota. I don't see how you can stand him."

Spock inclined his head in the direction but did not turn his eyes the same way. "I presume you are referring to me?"

"I said you're difficult, not stupid." Gaila strutted past him with a smug but playful grin on her face.

Nyota walked quickly to be level with Spock and astoundingly kept his pace with the heels she wore. Now was not the time. There were too many people around, but she would execute her plan that night without a doubt. She vowed, as they walked up to the large, loud building.

Gaila quickly left them after walking through the door, claiming to have spotted another friend. Nyota clarified that Gaila had spotted a man who would be a sure shot for sex.

The beat was intoxicating; the scene, erotic. Spock could barely comprehend how these people were able to move without being arrested for public fornication. Pressure on his forearm alerted his senses to company, or rather his companion.

Nyota held on tight to Spock, not letting him go for all the world's possessions. Using his arm as a base, she pulled herself closer and commanded him coyly, "Dance with me."

"I do not dance."

She tried cuddling her body close to his. "Please? It could be fun."

It was a move that only resulted with him stepping further back. "I am perfectly content here."

"I thought you used to dance with Felicity."

Felicity. She was an interesting thought. When his time was spent thinking about her now, it was different than it had been in the past. He still missed her to be sure, but the ache in his heart slowly dissipated into a sweet longing. This time spent with Oona and even Nyota was comforting. He appreciated their company and found it wasn't so difficult to make new friends on Earth as he originally thought. But in that respect, his friends did force themselves on him. There weren't many other people who willingly sought him out with a pretense that wasn't class work.

...Apparently his silence was interpreted as a 'no' by Nyota. She slinked down to the dance floor alone...

The conversations were what he missed the most. Any maybe watching her walk from behind; especially in the tight jean shorts she always liked to wear. He missed the passionate, yet logical topics they would discuss and how Felicity would always flail her hands around and spoke with excitement.

Spock sat at the bar and watched Nyota dance. It was a very enticing action, to have her body sway and bounce to the beat. It was also unfortunate that the provocative body did not belong to another certain someone who was probably not even in his quadrant of the universe at this very moment. If it had been her requesting him to dance, he might have conceded, but it would be an experiment never to be tried. He was please though, because he was certainly would look like a fool trying to imitate what Nyota was doing.

Gaila plodded over and sat next to Spock. The healthy green that was her normal complexion was replaced by a sickly color.

"I need something to drink." was all she breathed while leaning severely against him.

"Perhaps you should drink water."

Gaila said nothing in return and rested her head against the bar. Spock ordered two glasses of water and fed both of them to the very unstable Orion while Nyota appeared.

"Gaila! Are you alright?" Nyota almost had to shout to be heard.

"I just need another shot."

"No, I think we're going to take you back to the dorm."

"Hell no! I've got my eye on that man right there-" she pointed an unsteady finger to the crowd, "and I'm not going home alone tonight."

"I live there too and really don't want to worry about you getting sick with some guy there."

"Then I'll go home with him." Gaila pushed herself into a standing position, wobbled for a moment, then catwalked surprisingly well into the mosh of people on the dance floor. Nyota and Spock watched her go, and that was when the brilliant idea hit. Without Gaila returning to their dorm, Nyota would have it all to herself and maybe a handsome Vulcan, if she could get him in there.

Feigning weariness, she asked him, "Since Gaila has her mind on other things, do you want to go? I've had enough for one night."

"If that is what you wish." was his response. If only she could get him to say that about everything she asked, the night would go much more smoothly.

"Let's go." Nyota all but pulled him out of the seat he had previously inhabited and dragged him out of the deafening room. One would think that Spock would not need to be dragged from a place as obnoxious, but his own premonition caused him unease. And so he fought another internal struggle within, except instead of being about heredity, it was about the compromise of his person.

Walking didn't take them too far before Nyota decided to execute her master plan. Delightful as it may have been in her mind, even reality couldn't have prepared her for the truth.

"I want you, Spock." She whirled herself into his chest and pressed her lips against his own. The gesture was violent, much more so than she had anticipated, and bothered him, if not for the lack of consideration, for the fact that he might create a connection with Nyota due to the intensity of their contact. The possibility of no longer having the prospect of Felicity's emotions available truly scared him, and he shoved Nyota off of him, which in retrospect, was quite rude but necessary and justified. She wobbled from the gesture on her high heels, but Spock reached out and grabbed her arms to steady her. She was unsure of what had happened and disregarded it as an accident. Using her vice grip on his forearms, she tried to pull him closer for further kissing, but Spock held her at bay.

"You know full well that this is not what I want. If you must be so insistent on a sexual relationship, then I suggest you find yourself another man who is not as preoccupied as me and cease any conversations or visits that do not have to do with academics."

"How can you say that to me? Don't you enjoy the time we spend together?" she asked breathless.

"It is of mild interest when you are not trying to persuade my attentions to you."

"I'm just trying to get you to let loose."

"That is not something I wish to do. My feelings are still accounted for, and not by you, Nyota."

She closed her eyes, frustrated beyond belief at the stubbornness of Vulcan men. "Spock, listen to yourself. You're still on about a woman who left you seven months ago."

"I care for her."

"Even after all this time?" she asked almost hysterical.

"Yes." was her stern and quick answer.

"Even with me dressed up like this...you feel nothing for me?"

Spock took a step back and raised his right eyebrow. "What am I supposed to feel? Lust? I am Vulcan, Nyota, not a human male."

"My mistake."

"Yes, it is. If you have nothing further to say, I am going to go home. I am under the impression you can make your way back to your dorm without my help?"

She looked at him desperately. "You're not going to walk me home?"

"I do not want to risk a repeat of what happen just now."

Now before there are cheers of triumph, I would suggest looking at this from a point of view that is neither Spock's or Nyota's, but as a person who has been the subject of unrequited love. There are feelings, intense feelings for that person, and no matter what their true self is, you cannot help but love them, even at the end of the day when they reject everything about you. It hurts too. But you can't help yourself from going back to them over and over again, and it might be due to some quality they possess in particular, physical or dispositional, but all you want in the world is to be with them, even if your logic dictates that, that option is horrible. And when there is the rejection, you go on thinking that maybe they'll change their mind and see the truth about how great of a person you are, but it never happens that way, and you go on making yourself seem like a fool for following that person around day and night. But you can't help it. You love them, and it is the cruelest joke even in a less-than-fairytale world to have your prince charming not love you back.

Nyota felt like her world was crashing down around her, because after all her efforts and attempts to try and take Spock's Vulcan nature into account when contemplating her seduction, he would never feel anything for her. It was an awful, gut-wrenching rejection, but she knew it would happen. She knew what to expect, because she had only ever seen his eyes truly light up when he spoke about her. Knowing didn't make it hurt any less though.

"I-I'm sorry." she choked out trying to keep her tears at bay.

Spock was apprehensive about the situation he was in, wondering if Nyota was crying as a ruse to try and guilt him into walking her home, or appear vulnerable. He was slow to speak.

"Is that all you wished to say?"

"No, Spock-" hiccup "it's not. I know where you're coming from, and I'm sorry for-" hiccup "being so persistent, but I thought I could-" hiccup "win you over. I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore."

"Nyota, I did not wish to be harsh with you."

"You're perfectly within your rights, and I suppose it was the only way for me to see the light of day. I just...wish you would have chosen me."

Again, there was nothing he had as a response. Jealousy was not something he had much experience with, and it was hard to begrudge the petite woman in front of him when she appeared so helpless and wistful. He also did not wish to give her any words of consolation in case it was another ruse.

"Will you at least walk me home? I won't try anything, I promise."

"Fine." He swiftly began his pace again and didn't bother to wait and see if she followed. But Nyota did and made no complaint about the speed.

They walked down the sidewalks slowly, due to Nyota's heels, occasionally crossing a road. Treading in silence, Spock was reminded of walking with Felicity on their return journey from the bar, on the evening of their first kiss. He had felt so desperate, wishing she would stop being so melancholy, but could think of nothing to say. It was different now. He wanted to say nothing to Nyota.

When the student dorms could be seen in the distance, Nyota stopped walking and addressed Spock without looking at him. "You can leave me here. I'll be able to go the rest of the way by myself."

Spock could see the dorms in the distance and could not fathom why they would stop walking together now. "We're still a block away. Would you not prefer for me to walk you the whole way?"

"I don't want to be any more hassle than I already have been."

"Walking these few steps will be the least amount of hassle you have given me since we met."

Nyota laughed out loud as they remained stationary. "It might not be the most appropriate thing for you to be seen with a student, especially dressed the way I am."

"You have a significant point."

Nyota fidgeted and wrung her hands. "Can we be friends, Spock?"

His body turned his nose up at her. "I thought we were."

"You've thought I sought you out all this time just to be friends?

"Another significant point. Is this something that you will be able to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to be able to control yourself? I don't want my guard down and have you attack me with some crude statement about Felicity."

"I promise. No more." She made the same motion a baseball umpire would making a "safe" call.

"And what if you break your promise?"

"Then you never have to speak to me again. If I need help with my classwork, I'll even find another professor."

"If you can provide the respect for my wishes, then I have no qualms with being your friend."

Nyota smiled at him and wanted desperately to touch him, but refrained. If she could only be around him as a friend, then so be it. The only thing worse and more cruel in the world than not having Spock love her back would be to never see him or have contact with him again, and she did not want to visit that path of destitute.

To prevent herself further agony for that evening, she bid him farewell. "I'll see you later, Spock."

He inclined his head to her, getting that much closer to her. "Good evening, Nyota."

She walked quickly away, not looking back in an attempt to thwart temptation. Spock watched her leave, mainly to make sure she made it to her door safely. He was unsure about the transition that had occurred that evening, but didn't want to deliberate much more on the subject, knowing full well that a little, black cat was waiting up for him. Only wishing for sleep now, he turned and made his way home...

Spock laid in bed thinking about the past months he had spent on Earth. Things were not as bad as he originally anticipated. Nor as boring...at least not with the people he spent his time.

Nyota's crying face came to mind. He did not feel guilty over making her cry, if she couldn't control her own emotions, it was not his fault. Especially if her crying was cause for him to be left alone when he was around her, but it did make Spock wonder what would have happened if Felicity had rejected him. He supposed that his Vulcan resolve would not have allowed him to act like such a fool, but he could only imagine the pain of the rejection; he knew the pain of her rejection, so he couldn't completely fault Nyota.

He hoped that she would stay true to her word. He was in need of more friends, not complications.

A black shadow morphed onto the bed and looked around the room. There was not much of interest on the bed. Nothing to play with or attack; just dad. Othello liked the idea of sleep, being a master at it, and prowled over to his pops.

Watching the small cat as he rammed his head against Spock's face in an attempt to convey his love, the corners of the Vulcan's mouth turned upward. Othello very softly and consciously bit Spock's nose, lightly so it didn't hurt, then licked it with his dry tongue. The act didn't cause his dad any apprehension, since it was what Othello always did before they went to bed.

The cat curled itself into a ball in the crook of Spock's neck. Depending on the mood he was in, he would either do this or lay at the top of his dad's head like a crown. But regardless of how he decided to sleep, he always reached his paw out and placed it on his dad's chest to protect him from anything that might happen during the night.

******************************************************************************

"Meow, meeoow. "Meowww." _Dad, I'm bored. Play with me._

"Othello, I am trying to grade these assignments."

"Meh." _Fine._

Othello sat next to his dad's chair for some time, waiting for him to finish. This was how things were at the office. His dad shouldn't be this preoccupied while at home. Becoming impatient, he jumped onto the desk and tried to grab his dad's hand, but without opposable thumbs, it was difficult.

"Othello, stop." Spock pulled his hand away a fraction of an inch. The shadow of a cat laid down with his paws over the edge of the desk and flipped his tail back and forth. Eyes started closing when he felt dad's hand stroke his head. He lovingly nipped one of Spock's fingers as the hand came back near his face.

_I love you, dad. ___

__Even after two months of spending most of his time with the small feline, Spock still had difficulty trying to decipher the different cries for different means. He had tried to register each specific sound in his head and make a mental note of what each was for, but the cries were all so similar to each other, that it became hard to specify._ _

__While spending his time usefully by grading papers, Spock was also waiting for Terry's communication that would supposedly come soon. When last they had talked, which was only brief as usual, the exuberant blonde told Spock a specific time and date that they could talk at length. He couldn't promise against mitigating circumstances, but if his work allowed him the time, he promised to contact Spock. And much to the Vulcan's surprise, his computer was interrupted by Terry's request for communication at exactly 1700 hours. The beep startled Othello who was now on his feet, staring at the screen._ _

__"What's with the cat?"_ _

__"He was a gift from Nyota. She gave him to me with the intention that he would keep me company."_ _

__Terry narrowed his eyes at the cat. "He looks like you."_ _

__"We are a completely different species. He looks nothing like me."_ _

__"Maybe it's just the pointy ears then. Well...I don't know. His eyes are similar to yours."_ _

__"You're delusional."_ _

__"You can keep on thinking that, my friend. So, Nyota gave you the cat. Are you two an item now?"_ _

__"No. We are actually on pleasant terms as friends. A few weeks ago, I had gone out with her and Gaila. I told her that I was in no fit state to have a relationship with anyone, and when I told her, she deduced that, not being able to find someone else even after seven months, I was hopelessly in love with Felicity."_ _

__"You said that?"_ _

__"No, she said that. It could be another female ploy, but I don't think Nyota would try to seduce me again after our conversation."_ _

__"She tried to seduce you before?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"How?"_ _

__"I'm not sure. Bringing me things that I didn't need. A cat for example, though Othello is my favorite gift that she had given me. She would often talk about Felicity in a degrading manner, which I eventually came to view as a form of jealousy, or insecurity, or manipulation, possibly all the above."_ _

__"But did she ever try to have sex with you? Dress seductively? Rest her hand on your leg? Any of that?"_ _

__"The only time I had seen her in anything that could be labeled as inappropriate would have been when we went out to the bar."_ _

__"Which still blows my mind. How hard did you have to force you to do that?"_ _

__"It took her all seven months of working together on a regular basis."_ _

__"Well that's not too bad then. It only took me...what was it, about two months to get you to come out with me?"_ _

__"43 days after I met you."_ _

__"Ok, then. I see that you really didn't want to go, but you conceded. You could have said that you had to hang out with Oona."_ _

__"She knew that I wasn't."_ _

__"How is that old bat doing anyway?"_ _

__"She is quite well. She gave me a cat carrier. I can take Othello around the campus when I will be gone for long periods of time."_ _

__"And what do you intent to do with a cat on campus."_ _

__"I take him to my office. I go there quite frequently, Terrence."_ _

__"Whatever. Let's get back on track here. There was no overt sexual advances that she made on you?"_ _

__"Except for the kiss she gave me the evening I went out with them."_ _

__Terry's mouth hung open as he shook his head. "You see. This is why I hate talking to you. You always leave the good parts of a story out, and then I have to pry and pry to get anything of interest from you. I don't want to hear about your cat carrier, Spock, I want to hear about how you and Nyota kissed."_ _

__"The kiss was insignificant. I can take Othello all around in the carrier. It's very efficient."_ _

__Terry dropped his head in his hands._ _

__Othello, finding that moment to be talkative, pushed himself up from the desk and stood in front of the computer screen._ _

__"Meow, mowww?" _Dad, where's mom?__ _

__The intensity of the sounds worried Spock, but unfortunately he still could not speak cat. "Yes, Othello?"_ _

__"Mowww?" _Where's mom?__ _

__"I just filled your food dish. You couldn't possibly be hungry."_ _

__"Mooowow! Mew mowww." _I know! I was asking where mom was.__ _

__Spock leaned closer to the cat, as if it might help for understanding. "What is it that you want, Othello?"_ _

__"Mehhh." _You're hopeless._ The small panther resumed his position of laying next to the computer._ _

__The blonde chuckled quietly to himself. "He seems pretty cool."_ _

__"He is a very agreeable cat."_ _

__"I like how he keeps on talking to you. 'Dad', 'dad', 'dad', 'dad'. He has no problem vocalizing his issues."_ _

__Spock was discomposed by his friend's words and could not make coherent sense of them. "Why do you say 'dad'?"_ _

__"Are you serious, Spock? That's what you are. You're his dad. You're his pops, and he's your little papoose." Terry curdled his arms as if holding a baby humanoid._ _

__"To assume that there are any serious similarities between the feline and I is not only wrong, Terrence, it is absurd."_ _

__"I'm not saying that you gave birth to him, or that you fertilized some lady cat. There doesn't really need to be similar blood that flows through veins to denote a father or a mother figure, you know that. I mean look at Felicity. She didn't consider her own biological parents part of her life even before they died. It's her step family that really matters to her, and there is no genetic relationship between any of them excepting the fact that they are all human. You take care of this cat, and love him, I'm sure, and play with him, and carry him all around campus which I bet makes you look like a total dweeb, and so, he thinks you're his dad."_ _

__"I suppose I can see how you would come to that conclusion."_ _

__"I'm right. Just go ahead and say it, I'm right."_ _

__"I have never thought about him that way."_ _

__"I must say, I never expected you to be a dad so soon." Terry laughed heartily which died when he realize Spock had no idea what he was talking about. "But, I think we need to finish this Nyota conversation before I freak out from anticipation and frustration. There was nothing obviously seductive about how she interacted with you, am I correct?"_ _

__"Nothing blatant, but there was always an underlying sense of unease I had when we were together before."_ _

__"Then she didn't seduce you, Spock. She may have tried to get to that point, but unless she was half naked, waving her vacant uniform in front of your face, I would not call what you two were doing seductive. Don't get my hopes for gossip up like that!"_ _

__"But what you don't understand, Terrence are the subtleties of emotion."_ _

__"Don't go lecturing me about emotion!"_ _

__"I do not wish to, I am simply trying to let you know that I still believe Nyota was slowly seducing my senses and my subconscious."_ _

__"Whatever you want to think, Spock. Have you played your lute with Oona yet?"_ _

__"Yes, actually. The first time we played together was twenty six days ago, and since then, we have played six more times."_ _

__"What sort of music do you play?"_ _

__"Mostly songs that Oona is fond of. During one of our sessions, I presented the possibility of playing Vulcan music, but it is not adapted well for use with a ukelele."_ _

__"I would not assume so."_ _

__"How are things on the ship, Terrence?"_ _

__"Not too well. Keira and I have had to stop our research and have been spending almost all of our time helping to work out system failures. It's really nerve racking having the computer wanting to shut down all life support systems in twenty minutes, and you are the one who has to fix it, or else."_ _

__"How long has this been going on?"_ _

__"About two months now. That's why I haven't hardly called you. I never have the time, but luckily right now, there hasn't been any trouble in three days. I haven't even talked to Felicity since that last time."_ _

__"I am very sorry to hear about your troubles. Are you stopping at space dock anytime soon?"_ _

__"The closest one is a week away, and we're not en route to that area, but I think the captain may change course. Things have been looking up for us all, but who's to say, something catastrophic could happen tomorrow. I only hope we'll be alright. I don't mind if I get hurt, but I would die if Keira was killed."_ _

__"I could imagine."_ _

__"Have you talked to Felicity at all?"_ _

__"No."_ _

__"Ok."_ _

__They stared at each other as time passed. Finally Spock ended the silence. "I'm surprised that you're not going to continue probing."_ _

__"You do what you have to man. I wish you would have talked to her recently though. I would like to know how she is...what she's up to. Any free time I have is used for sleep. I can't even remember the last time I ate a proper sit down meal. Keira always brings me food when I'm working, and I have my sandwich in one hand and my tools in the other. I miss her."_ _

__"Keira?"_ _

__"Are you that naive? I mean sure, I miss Keira since I hardly have any free time to spend with her anyway, but in this context, I meant Felicity. I miss the three of us being together, now more than ever. But that was the past. Now you have this kid with Nyota."_ _

__"To what kid are you referring?"_ _

__"You haven't changed after all this time. I still have to explain everything to you. Don't worry about it."_ _

__"Very well, Terrence. Nyota is supposed to come over so we can have tea together, so I'm going let you continue your duties, and I will call on you later."_ _

__"I'll see you soon, my friend. Four more months left, and we'll be home."_ _

__"I look forward to it." Spock turned off his computer and moved into the living room to wait on Nyota. Othello followed him out then ran past, under the impression that he was going to be fed again. He didn't get too far when strong hands lifted him into the air._ _

__Spock held Othello in one arm while searching through his traveling bag for a toy. Oona had also gifted them with several colorful, fake mice and a stick with a string attached and a feather at the end. When first receiving them, Spock was unsure why Oona would want him to have the items, but Othello was more than excited enough for the both of them; his favorite being the stick with the feather. Spock found the requisite booty and brought the cat and the toy to the couch with him._ _

__The corners of his mouth turned upward as his small panther tried his damnedest to get the feather. Any time he came close, Spock would flick his wrist, successfully keeping prey away from predator. They did this for the majority of an hour, after which Spock set the toy down and gently lifted the tired kitten into his lap. He started to vibrate immediately._ _

__For some reason unknown, Spock had the irresistible urge to talk to the cat, to let him know what was going on. "Nyota should be over soon."_ _

__Othello looked up at his dad, the voice soft and low, then closed his eyes and continued purring. Even though they still had trouble understanding one another, Spock found that his early assumptions of the cat were absolutely wrong. Rather than being a menace, Othello was a wonderful companion for Spock, and the Vulcan adored the tiny panther._ _

__The bell to the door sounded, and both pointy-eared heads turned in the direction of the noise. Spock strode over to answer his door. Nyota entered with a large satchel filled with PADDs._ _

__"Hey, Spock." she said while clamoring through the room._ _

__"Hello, Nyota."_ _

__She all but dropped the heavy bag on the floor next to a chair. "How have things been going?"_ _

__"Well. I talked to Terrence today. He sounded tired. Apparently things on the U.S.S. Liberty are quite chaotic."_ _

__"I hope everything is ok. Did he say how Keira was doing?" Looking at him, she folded her arms across her chest._ _

__"No. I apologize, I forget that you are her friend. I will inquire about her well being during my next communication with him."_ _

__"It's fine. I talk to her myself, but haven't in a while and was just wondering if Terry had mentioned her."_ _

__"He said that she was just as busy as he was working to fix the computer programs."_ _

__"Poor girl. She always worked her ass off only to get an assignment for a ship where she still can't take a break."_ _

__"She is optimizing her efficiency." Spock said with a raised brow._ _

__"There's a different between being efficient and being wholly overworked, Spock. Even Vulcans have a breaking point. It may not be as easy to get to as with a human, but it's still there." Nyota shuffled through her bag and the seemingly endless PADDs. "Have you taken Othello to your office lately?"_ _

__The random change of subject through him for a loop, but he jumped right through it. "Yes, he came with me two days ago. I obtained an extra litter box and food dishes to keep there."_ _

__She turned her head to look straight at him. "Doesn't he ever try to run out when someone is opening the door?"_ _

__"No. He is content to stay with me."_ _

__"He is a very well behaved cat."_ _

__He nodded his head, but then remembered the remnants of a previous conversation and used it to his advantage. "Possibly, but I also think he likes spending time with his father."_ _

__"Who?" She stared at him like he was crazy._ _

__"Well, obviously I'm his father, Nyota." Spock gave her a condescending look for not understanding._ _

__"I never would have expected you to think of something like that."_ _

__"Terrence brought it to my attention."_ _

__"That makes more sense."_ _

__Nyota sat on the couch and stared off into space. Othello jumped up next to her, in a pouty mood since his mother never played with him, and laid down, but not too close to Nyota. The Bantu woman sighed and absentmindedly reached out to pet the small shadow next to her which obligingly rolled on its back so she could pet its stomach._ _

__"Have you decided what you're going to do about Felicity?"_ _

__"What about Felicity?"_ _

__"You still love her after all this time even without talking to her. What do you intend to do about it? Are you going to talk to her? Send her a message?"_ _

__"I haven't thought of being proactive about this, Nyota."_ _

__"Spock, if you don't call her soon, I'm going to hit you. We can't be together, because you still 'care for her'. So, if you feel that way, do something about it, or I am going to start coming on to you again."_ _

__"I do not understand what you are trying to convey."_ _

__Nyota stood, not wishing to be stationary anymore. "If you don't want me, at least be 'proactive' to get the girl you want, or being around you will only frustrate me."_ _

__"How should I go about this then? I've never been present a problem like this before."_ _

__"I think a nice, generic typed message would be the best way. Put in it about how you have missed talking with her, ask if she will contact you back, ask if she is doing well, you know all the pleasantries. Then maybe briefly talk about how you have been doing and what has been going on during your time on Earth. Something simple but still shows that you want to talk to her would be the best."_ _

__"Do you truly think so, or is this another ploy to further separate us?"_ _

__"I'm sorry about all that, Spock, but you can't fault a girl for wanting and trying. This is a piece of friendly advise, not adversarial advice."_ _

__"Then I will consider it." He glided away from her to retrieve some tea._ _

__"Please do. Then maybe I can move on and spend my time with more approachable and accessible men." Nyota walked slowly around the room. She had been in it many times, but instead of spending her whole allotted time on configuring ways to gain Spock's attention, she was now able to admire the simplicity of the room. Nothing was out of order, but one would expect that._ _

__Spock ordered them tea from his replicator, each different due to their personal preferences, and brought Nyota her cup. The heat felt good on her throat, and she continued to meander around the room._ _

__"You seem preoccupied. Is there anything wrong?"_ _

__"No. It's just strange to be around you as a friend." "I'm not going to try anything, don't worry, but now, while still having feelings for you, Spock, I want you to get back together with Felicity. And I have no idea why. Or maybe I don't. Maybe I'm just over thinking this whole thing."_ _

__"You are not required to visit me."_ _

__"But I want to, even if it makes me..." Nyota couldn't think of the correct adjective and thanked her stars as Spock's computer beeped from an incoming communication. Both walked toward the study, with Nyota hesitating at the door for a moment then continuing to follow. Spock sat in his chair while she leaned over his shoulder to watch the screen come to life with Amanda Grayson's face._ _

__There was a pause before she spoke, not expecting to see Nyota there. "Hello, Nyota."_ _

__"Hi, Amanda."_ _

__Amanda then addressed her son. "Spock, I wanted to let you know that your father and I are planning on arriving on Earth in about three weeks time. We might be a couple days sooner if we can get everything ready around here sooner."_ _

__"What is the meeting about?"_ _

__"Oh, you know I never pay attention to all the details."_ _

__"Maybe it would be imperative that you did, mother."_ _

__"Never once have I needed to know what exactly your father was petitioning or negotiating. I doubt I would have to start now. All of that doesn't interest me much." Amanda shrugged at her son._ _

__"For a teacher, I would expect you to want to be as properly educated as possible about every event."_ _

__Smiling cracked her imitated Vulcan exterior. "You're sounding exactly like your father."_ _

__A small, black face poked it's way into the screen catching Amanda off guard. "What's this?"_ _

__"A gift from Nyota." Spock nodded resolutely._ _

__"I figured they would keep each other company. You should see how much your son dotes on that thing." Othello looked at his mamma, upset that she would call him a 'thing'._ _

__"His name is Othello." Spock looked at the small panther proudly, and Othello turned his attention back to his grandmother._ _

__It was really a sight to behold. Her stoic son sitting with the long, petite woman staring over his shoulder, the two almost touching, and the small, black cat, who was obviously a favorite companion. The three of them were all so different, she found it humorous looking into the three sets of eyes watching her on the screen._ _

__Othello placed his soft, little paw on the screen, petting Amanda's face. "Maow." Hello._ _

__"That is enough, Othello." Spock moved to grab the cat, but only placed him in his lap rather than setting him on the floor. Othello stood on his back paws placing his front ones on the desk but did not move off of his dad's lap. Dad! I want to see grandma! Spock's hand stroked the soft fur as he continued to speak with his own mother._ _

__"I should expect you in just over two week's time then?"_ _

__"If all goes well. I'm very excited to see you again, my dear, and will be happy to finally meet you, Nyota." Amanda turned her brown eyes to the cat in her son's lap. "And I look forward to meeting you as well, Othello." His tail flipped back and forth at the recognition, hitting his dad in the stomach a few times._ _

__"Live long and prosper, mother."_ _

__"Goodnight, my son."_ _

__As the communication ended, there was an awkward silence between the Bantu and the Vulcan. Neither could think of anything appropriate to say. In Spock's case, he had a inclination to be apprehensive about being in such close proximity. For Nyota, she was happy to be around Spock and glad to be able to meet his mother soon enough, but she was disappointed with the lack of compassion he held for her. Finally, she broke the silence with the only thing that came to mind._ _

__"I should be getting to bed too."_ _

__"Good evening, Nyota."_ _

__"Good night, Spock." She stood on her tiptoes and lightly kissed his cheek. He allowed her this not sure if it was a cultural gesture or if she was trying to seduce him again, but she stepped away quickly, and his mind was put at ease. Nyota Uhura smiled as she backed out the apartment door into the bright, yellow hallway._ _

__He was unsure about what to make of Nyota. She could be neither classified as a friend or adversary to Felicity, and set him at something of a loss. Being as perfect as she was, it was not enough, or not the right type of perfect. A wave of relief had washed over him the night that she made amends with him, the same night they had shared their first and only kiss, but he had expected her to keep her distance. This idea was proved horribly wrong._ _

__And now Spock was left contemplating the meaning of the kiss she had given him tonight. Did it have a significance or purpose? This would certainly be something to ask Oona in the morning, if it was comparable to the kisses she gives him. Any more thoughts on the subject needed to be left for the morning, and he resolutely went to change into his sleeping attire._ _

__Spock was on his way to bed, with a small shadow chasing after his feet, when he suddenly and vividly felt a sorrow intertwined with an anger so desperate he couldn't move..._ _


	16. Discontinuous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a very dark, introspective chapter. It's more abstract and not so much story if you want/need to skip it.

It isn't fair.

But life never was. Such a short time we all have with no conception of it passing only until it is far too late. Everyday is long and painstaking. There are hardships and difficulties that cannot be avoided. They take up so much time, perpetually wearing on that shiny veneer of cheerfulness we all don. When we are old, we look back and wish there had been more time, but if there was, it would be just as hard and just as thoroughly seeded with pain.

Our existence is raped by it. Pain never feels, true excruciating pain at least. It leaves an endless black hole in the center of one's soul, forever leaving that person less than what they were before, until after so much pain has passed through their life, they could hardly even consider themselves existing. It is also pain that devoids us of meaning.

When there is pain present, everything else is trivial in comparison, somatic sensations, even a productive life; a perfect life. Despondence is the reaction. A paradox. Some people cannot function when they have pain deeply rooted in their cerebellum, because nothing is worth the effort anymore. Existing becomes loathsome and intolerable. Productivity is an offensive suggestion that is disquieting to the silence of sorrow. Being proud, being special is suddenly ripped from the superfluous biography of a person in anguish.

No one is ever prepared for it. Even with all the prominence of suffering, there is never a time in which a person can accept devastation, wholeheartedly.

Sometimes it can be used as a motivator, to try and change life, but after thousands of years of feeling the same thing over and over, there is little one person could do to alter the feelings of humanity. If there was only a way to be different. To disengage from this painful macrocosm and adopt a new way of life.

It is so strange too, in terms of human life, that people try to make meaning, purpose, history. But everyone all dies in the end.

And so it all must end. Happiness. Bitterness. Sadness. Anger. Love.

There is no profound existence, nothing to fight for. Nothing to love. But it only exemplifies another human quality: to hope. It is what holds us together, what prevents the human race from going insane from blood lust and despair. There is hope to keep what little calm in the world from becoming calamity. Hope that maybe there is a purpose, a meaning, even though it's obvious there's not. And at the end of the day, when we are all away from an eye's view, we come to terms with our hollow existence. When we are alone, is the only time we see what we truly are. Nothing. We are not special, we are not immortal, we are not significant. And why bother fighting anyway? The end of life will result soon enough.

There can never exist anything more than that. When there is no reason, things cease, and merely breathing is definition for living, or for life. But how can that be all there is? How can all life be just a matter of circulatory and pulmonary responses? That mustn't be correct. There has to be more, right? How wonderful it would be to live in ignorance of the future, not that it would matter much either. We all know what will occur.

Death.

And what of the people who "waste" their time? Those who do not buy into the gimmick of trying to make a difference in a deplorable world; are they to be criticized? In accordance to rationality, they should be commended. No store-bought life can shadow their understanding.

And what about those who have the blood of others on their hands? What if that person is you? Can you live with yourself?

Thoughts are consuming, time is lost. Perpetual delusion. There is a false sense of security and intelligence, but is there really experience? Does life have a meaning, deep and unmovable? Doubtful. The human race is just an existential yet dumbfounded creation of biological reproduction. There is nothing particularly pleasing about humanity's existence in this universe.

Why create when everything will eventually be destroyed? Why try to better one's self since death will most definitely come before perfection? Why be close to people when everyone will end up leaving you anyway?

If only we were not plagued with something so destructive as emotions.

Power corrupts, love enthralls, happiness creates. All of which have purpose, all of which have constructive meaning, even if it isn't always agreeable to everyone. But when man encounters pain, it destroys him. Even if just for the slightest of seconds, but those few moments in time almost make it worth dying. A heart's pain can be eminent and unwavering. The worst part, is that pain, more often than not, is never a fleeting few seconds. It lingers.

For what reason, it is uncertain, but pain and sorrow stay with people sometimes their whole lives. It is difficult to discern why the human brain keeps the more sorrowful memories vivid while the happy times are blurred by old age and dying neurons.

All of this is due to the very human ability to feel.

Interesting. The concept of feelings, thoughts, emotions. How immaculate to be without, yet how dull and empty. Is not emptiness a feeling though? Being devoid of any emotions is technically still a feeling. Is it an emotion then? How interesting.

How odd it is when you don't feel anything anymore. After weeks of being consumed by every possible feeling in every possible way, during every possible second of the day, it is very interesting to suddenly be blank, empty, gone. It is such an interesting feeling, to feel nothing at all. No pain, anger, fear, sadness, happiness, love or hate. Nothing at all. No amount of wine has been consumed, no drugs have been ingested, there is just a natural state of altered consciousness. An apathy if you will, against the world.

The numbness invades completely, almost like a darkness that invades one's soul; deep and endless. Without return to the daylight, to the surface of reason and feeling. Forever lost, forever unfeeling, forever uncaring, forever changed. There is a loss of innocence and naivete and a loss of faith in people. Humanity no longer holds the title of nobility. Everyone is equally pathetic. Everyone has the same hardened hatred of their pathetic lives. The young have not yet learned, the middle aged are still hoping their lives mean something more than they really do, and the old are waiting to die.

All of us are really just waiting to die. Biding our time with jobs and alcohol. Hoping for a purpose. Wishing we all had meaning. Wishing we meant something to others. All lost. All miserable. All alone.

Felicity wept silently to herself as her heart was shattered into thousands of tiny shards; breaking into pieces too small that it would be impossible to ever find them all and reconstruct what once was. Uniform still on, shower not taken, she laid on her bed and assumed a despondent state.

_I am all alone. ___


	17. Defective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still kinda dark. I don't know if depression or ptsd would be for trigger warnings here. It's mainly just Felicity wallowing in grief and self pity :/

It was 0705 hours, and Felicity was not at her post. A very peculiar instance for someone who was never late.

For the benefit of the doubt, Marovin decided to wait another few minutes to see when she showed up. The past couple days had been very tiring for the whole crew, but more particularly for the security team, so if she had woken late, he wouldn't make it an issue.

0710 hours. Still no Felicity. Perhaps she was on her way. Marovin asked the computer to locate Commander Windsor, and it communicated back that she was still in her room. Sleeping in! Figures. Marovin sighed heavily as he opened a communication to Felicity's quarters. Reprimanding her was not an easy task, at least not when she wasn't playfully voicing how bad she had been lately.

"Commander Windsor. I believe you were to report to duty ten minutes ago, or have you forgotten that we have rules on this ship?"

-Nothing-

"Felicity!...Felicity?" Marovin started to get worried from the lack of reply. He shoved himself away from his desk, gave orders to an overly eager lieutenant to command the security team momentarily and strode away from the security deck.

While walking through the beige corridors, Marovin nodded to the captain, who seemed out of sorts and only stared back confused. It was curious that the captain was anywhere away from his bridge or personal quarters, but he dismissed it with more important matters at hand.

Being head of security, Marovin was able to command the homogeneous door open easily and stepped inside.

There were no lights on. The only source of light came from the computer that sat at the small desk in the room. Everything else was quiet, silent almost. Marovin adjusted the lights to a low setting in order to see properly and walked to the bedroom. Felicity laid there, eyes open and still in her wrinkled uniform from last night. She didn't say anything to him as he entered and continued to look at nothing.

Marovin, without having telepathic or empathic abilities knew that something was very wrong. With that in mind, he opted for a comforting approach rather than the threat of reprimand.

"Felicity, are you alright?"

Again, she said nothing.

"Felicity! Talk! Say something!"

Her eyes did not stray from the nothingness being watched. "Tracie killed herself."

The news was startling to say the least and that was only his reaction. He knew she must have felt bad. "What?!"

"Her body was found in our apartment yesterday. She took all her pills and killed herself."

Marovin was not well equip at comforting responses, being a security officer his whole life. "I'm so so sorry, love."

Shrugging, she still did not look at him but responded with apathy. "It's not your fault."

"I came down here to see if you were sleeping in on your shift. Apparently I was wrong. How are you dealing?"

Her eyes closed wishing to be alone again. "I'm not."

"That is awful. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. Your best friend..."

"It sucks."

"I know, but you still have work to do, honey." He sat gently on the edge of the bed.

Felicity looked at him for the first time since he entered and said resolutely, "I'm not."

Her stubbornness was wearing on his, but Marovin continued to do his best to speak civilly with her. "If you don't, then there will be a court-martial in store. I don't want to convene an order, you know that very much, but I do have to follow procedures. Just get up, sweet heart. I'll give you an easy day."

"No."

"Quit being foolish, Felicity."

"That tends to be my way of life, doesn't it? I'm a fool. Can't help it." She smiled wryly, able to do so only because her metal wellness was close to being in hysterics at the moment.

"Enough self pity. You-"

Felicity threw herself into a sitting position on her bed and stared at Marovin trying her hardest to keep from hyperventilating. "Get a convening order for a court-martial, put me in a holding cell and be done with it. I told you, I'm not doing anything and don't really want you to lecture me for an hour."

"What do you want to do?" Strong arms folded across his chest as he stared her down.

"I want to go back home. I want to go to the funeral, and I don't want to have anything more to do with Starfleet."

"All this because your friend died?"

"She didn't just die, she killed herself, and it's all my fault."

This turn of events was something the Mazarite did not expect. His brows furrowed causing the skin flaps over his ears to pull closer together. "How so?"

"Since I joined, my life has become more miserable than ever, and this is the last straw. If I hadn't left, Tracie would still be alive. And lately, I had been criticizing her, so we've been getting into a lot of fights. I'm the only person she can talk to, and when I don't even want to listen, what kind of person does that make me? I couldn't answer communications she sent me while we were investigating about the ambassador, and I can only guess that they were requests to talk about things to make it all better, but I dismissed her being busy. Now she went and did this. It's my fault. If we had never moved to San Francisco, and if I never got involved with Starfleet, she would be alive. "

He had completely underestimated how bad she felt. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"It's true. Well, maybe it's not Starfleet's fault. Maybe I simply cannot handle growing up and resort to ruining everything." She shook her head and gazed all around the room finding nothing to rest her eyes on.

"It's not your lot in life to make sure a friend doesn't kill themselves."

"I thought that was a part of friendship."

Marovin thought she was literally going crazy. Felicity usually made sense, some random encounters exempted, but this person berating was over the top. He couldn't believe that she really thought this. "But it's not your job. You can't blame yourself for her choice."

"I can't help it. I want to go home for her funeral. I don't want to be on this ship anymore."

"Let's go talk to Captain Tarr and see what we can do." He removed himself from the edge of the bed. and grabbed Felicity's hand, pulling her to a standing position.

Marovin guided Felicity, still dressed in the wrinkled uniform because she refused to change, down the corridors en route to Damien Tarr's office. After three quarters of a year being on the ship, she no longer knew her way around and was mildly surprised by the color of the boring, beige walls.

Captain Tarr's office was closest room to the bridge of the ship. It was also one of the largest holding a long table and chairs for him and his head officers to discuss matters of importance. Plaques adorned the walls, mainly the one directly behind his back while he sat at the large desk, fingers steepled, lost in thought. Small, golden sculptures decorated his desk, and as she trudged closer, Felicity noticed that they were wild Terran animals.

At the sound of his door opening and the entering of people, Damien continued his thoughts. It was only when Marovin and Felicity stood directly in front of him that the chaotic black eyes flicked up and stared into her own sad ones. "What is this all about? Something important, I hope." His voice was low but nonaggressive.

Silence lay over the two officers in the room, and Marovin decided it be best that he spoke first seeing as how Felicity was not volunteering any information. "Captain, this is Commander Felicity Windsor-"

"I know who she is." He nodded his head for them to go on.

"Yes well, there have been certain events that cause her want to return to Earth." Marovin huffed the last word agitated about how much Felicity was overreacting.

"And those events are?"

She spoke up, not wanting Marovin to continue her petition, since he was doing a horrible job at it anyway. "A death. A death I really wish to attend the funeral for."

"We are far from that quadrant much less the planet. I'm sorry, but I cannot turn this ship around for something so whimsical."

"Then I wish to take my leave of you."

The captain sat forward in his seat and examined her for a long time. She expected him to deny her request, which she was prepared for and would resort to violence from her distress. His survey lasted so long, that Felicity was sure he had forgotten why they were there, and she considered reminding him that he was suppose to be thinking about letting her leave when he finally opened his mouth. "You're what I feel."

"Excuse me?" She blinked once.

"My empathy has been alerting me of a sorrow somewhere on my ship. The emotion has been so intense, I have had trouble conducting my duties today. It was difficult for me to decipher from where it was coming until now, when I have you right in front of me. This is really bothering you, isn't it?"

Not wanting to elaborate, all he received was a simple, "Yes". She had forgotten about his Betazoid heritage. He could feel her emotions, poor man. He was probably going crazy not knowing where it was coming from.

"Here is what I can do then, and you need to really think about the repercussions of your decision before it's made. I can let you leave, drop you off at the nearest starbase, but for a reason like this, it will be with a dishonorable discharge, because this is considered an act of desertion. You may not get another Starfleet job especially not on a ship of this caliber. Are you prepared for that?" His words weren't menacing, only factual. Damien Tarr was not in any way an offensive man, but he did want Felicity to know the reality of her choices.

She nodded slowly. "That is what I want to do."

"And you understand the stigma associated with having a dishonorable discharge?"

"I am."

"On your records and paper work, I will write about you in the best possible light to prevent you from being turned down from another job elsewhere." He typed on the screen of his computer looking frustrated while apparently making multiple mistakes. "The nearest starbase is four hours away. We can leave you there, and I know for a fact they have a constant supply of cargo and freighter ships leaving from their docks and making rounds to Earth. I'm sure you will be able to find a way home."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry to have you leave. You're good at what you do, Ms. Windsor." The sound her name without the title was hard difficult to grasp. Apparently she had relinquished her title upon request of dismissal. "But I must say that the intensity of your emotion have been troublesome for me these past twelve hours. I will regret your loss but will be relieved to not feel your pain anymore."

"I apologize." was all she could muster. Talking at the moment was not her forte, and she wanted to start packing as soon as possible. The stifling feeling was turning into claustrophobia which she thought might end when she was finally off the ship and on her way home. She hoped at least.

Damien Tarr waived her off and smiled sympathetically. "Don't be. You can't help but feel emotions, and there is nothing I can do about being Betazoid. Now if you'll excuse me..."

As he ended his last word, Felicity was half way out of the office. Marovin quickly followed her, thinking it be safer to not have her wandering around unsupervised. He didn't suspect she would be potentially dangerous to anyone but she might have gotten lost in her state of mind, and he figured it would be best to stay around her to keep her calm.

She all but ran into her quarters with Marovin on her heels and started grabbing things that were displayed on the various tables taking them into her room. Anything that was not extremely fragile, she threw on the mattress of the bed. In the frenzy of collecting her things, she called out to Marovin, who was watching her cautiously. "I do regret you will be short one officer."

"Since the ambassador is dead, I guess there will not be any negotiations with Bolaris IX for a while. Because of his death, I assume there won't be much activity for us anytime soon." He shrugged, uninterested. The ambassador was a nice man, but this was what Marovin excelled in, and after a while, death becomes only another factor of work. He considered Felicity to be too young to become desensitized to it yet, but then again, the assumption was not entirely warranted. If one of his loved ones, perhaps Felicity herself, had died, he might feel more distraught, but giving up his job was not something he would do lightly.

"That whole situation was horrible. And to blame it on Kat-tah." Felicity muttered randomly while amassing a pile of clothes in her arms that had been previously strewn on the floor.

"I thought you hated him."

She threw the clothes onto her bed along with everything else. "I did, but something that devastating shouldn't be blamed on anyone even him."

He walked across the room lazily and leaned against her bedroom door frame. "You're right. The unwarranted death of a person shouldn't make another, who had no hand in their death, accountable."

"I don't want to talk about it, Marovin."

Watching her work was interesting. She was flying all around the room in a whirl wind, but her face remained blank. If she had pointy ears, he may have considered her to be Vulcan. A beep from her computer in the living room drew his attention away. "You have an incoming message from Earth."

"Deny it."

"It could be important."

"You read it then." She called back callously. She knew what it would say. It would be Starfleet-issued and would request burial information on Tracie Satterfield. Having to reply to something like that was not a duty she could perform at the moment. It would take a few days before she would be able to think about a burial.

Marovin poked his head into the room while she was folding clothes to be packed. "You need to go read it."

Felicity gave up on the shirt in her hands and threw it with a measurable amount of force into her traveling bag. All but shoving her way past her friend, she sat anxiously at her small desk and looked over the message.

_Commander Windsor,_

_Felicity,_

_I regret that it has taken so long for me to contact you, but I have recently felt an unexplainable disturbance, and I believe there is the possibility that we are still connected on some level. If that assumption is true, it would mean you are under a significant amount of emotional duress. I wanted to offer my condolences and would greatly appreciate if you sent me a reply response so I could be aware of your safety. If you wish to enumerate your situation to me, I will gladly listen to or read whatever you have to say._

_Yours,_

_Cmdr. Professor Spock_

It took a while and about seven times of reading the communication over again before Felicity remembered where exactly she was. Not only had she forgotten about Damien Tarr and his abilities, she did not even register the possibility that Spock and her might still share a connection. It had been months. She wasn't sure if this made her happy or want to cry, so deciding to go for neither, she stood and walked back to her bedroom.

"What do you think?" Marovin asked her while continuing to follow.

"I have to finish packing." She had to take one step at a time, and Spock was not her primary concern right then.

"You're not even going to write him back?"

"I'll contact him later. I don't handle bad news well."

He snorted at her. "I can see that."

Ignoring his comment, she continued to run around the room with purpose trying to keep out any thoughts that were not specifically concerned with packing. "What do I do with all of my things?" Felicity motioned to her various paintings on the walls.

"Keep them here, then when we return for shore leave in a few months, I can bring them to you."

It sounded like a good idea, but her art was vital to her person. What if Marovin lost it, or some pieces were harmed? It didn't really matter to her at that point. "Thank you."

"Where do you intend to go?"

"Earth."

Leaning his head to the right, Marovin gave her a harassed look. "I know that, but are you going to stay at your apartment? Have you contacted any of your family or Tracie's? Who is going to watch out for you when you get there?"

"I don't know. When I get there, I'll weight out my options, decide which one is best and take that road."

A small smile touched his lips. "Even during all of this, you still try to reason."

She shook her head and stuffed more items into her travel bag. "It is the only thing that keeps me sane, that keeps me from wanting to die at any point in my life. I wouldn't be able to survive without it."

"I don't think it was very reasonable to get a dishonorable discharge, though."

"Anything to take me home, where I need to be."

The bell to Felicity's door rang, but she made no attempt to answer it. After a few seconds of waiting for a reaction, Marovin went to answer the door himself. The shorter, stouter Vulcan twins were on the other side and looked up at him with faces that could almost be labeled as curious. They walked in without any invitation and made their way over to the preoccupied Felicity. Ku-lak entered first and clasped his hands behind his back. The typical Vulcan stance.

"We came to bid you farewell, unsure of the busyness of our schedules when the time comes for you to depart."

Truly not noticing that they were in the room, she jumped with a start. "You didn't have to."

"Are we not friends?"

"Yes."

Kat-tah entered the room after his younger brother and held out a glass bottle with a light blue liquid inside. Silently he offered the decanter to Felicity who accepted it with only a small bit of apprehension.

"What is this?" she asked.

"Vulcan brandy." He answered simply. His body language was unsure and reserved, which Marovin found to be very entertaining.

She held it back out to him. "I have a bit of an aversion to it, thanks." Felicity's attempt at a joke was successful, but there was no humor in her eyes.

Not that joking with a Vulcan ever proved fruitful. Kat-tah shook his head at her implied remark. "It is not poisoned, I assure you. I checked and tested my whole stock. I want to you have it as a gift for your help."

Felicity wrapped it tightly in some clothes and gently snuggled it into her bag. The gesture would have been much more appreciated if the timing had been different. The Vulcan's she knew were seemingly horrible at deciding the most appropriate times to display means of friendship.

"Will you be capable enough to venture back to your home planet?" Ku-lak asked her with bright, emotionless eyes.

"It doesn't really matter, because I have to anyway. Captain Tarr let me leave without a court-martial."

Kat-tah spoke this time in a low voice. "But with a dishonorable discharge?" He was in no way mocking her state of affairs.

"Yes."

"We will find a way to have them Starfleet committee look past that mark on your record if you wish to ever come back." He took another step toward her but stopped to contain his beautifully masked excitement.

Felicity didn't overtly acknowledge him and replied gravely. "I doubt it."

Ku-lak stepped shoulder to shoulder with his brother and continued the non-Vulcan-like train of thought. "We can state that it was medically necessary for you to leave."

"You'd be lying." She was trying desperately to control her desire to kick them both out in a longing to be alone with some peace and quiet.

"With the catatonic-like state you are already exhibiting, I doubt it would be considered a lie." She nodded at him to keep from continuing the conversation.

Neither brothers were masters at human body language, but they were aware of their dismissal and left diligently but reluctantly. Kat-tah nodded solemnly and made the proper parting gesture with his hand. Felicity returned the same gesture with even less enthusiasm. Ku-lak gently grabbed her hand and shook it in both of his own; a very human action, she thought. Both brothers bowed their heads slightly and left her.

There was just enough time for Felicity to pack all of her essential items and shower before changing into civilian clothing and gathering her traveling cases.

Marovin stayed with her the whole time she was readying herself. It was more of a way to spend as much time with her before he would return to the monotony of security before she arrived. "I'll escort you down."

As the ship was gaining clearance to dock, Felicity and her affiliate walked down to shuttle bay, bags in hand. Without having to pack all her paintings and unnecessary supplies, there were only two bags that weighed them down.

A young ensign waited for them in the hanger near shuttle 32. He was assigned to shuttle them to the starbase. Marovin conducted all the negotiations of speech allowing her to remain silent and contemplative. He still thought the whole mess was a complete overreaction, but he could not make Felicity's decisions for her.

When they reached the destination, he helped excavate her bags from the shuttle and bid her farewell knowing he couldn't follow any further. "Find an officer and ask them where you go to gain passage back to Earth."

"Thank you, Marovin." Felicity held his gaze with no ease passing over her face at all.

He smiled thinking about the twins' visit and tried to get her to join his humor. "You'll be missed, and not only by me apparently."

She didn't. "Bye."

"Goodbye, my dearest. Be safe."

Marovin grabbed Felicity's shoulders before she could leave and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He then wrapped his thick, strong arms around her in an embrace before letting her go and watching her merge into the sea of people. The only thing that kept him together was the knowledge that in about nine months, he would see her again.

The huge starbase was all commotion. That much was hard and factual. It is uncertain however what the starbase looked like specifically. Felicity did not register the details and observed nothing with her normal curiosity. All she did was walk, surprisingly assertive, where anyone directed her to go. The stride may have given the impression that her mood improved, but the mask that was her face was as emotionless as Ku-lak's.

Felicity waited the seven hours required before the freighter she gained passage on docked at the starbase. She didn't notice the color of the walls or the pattern on the bed spread in her quarters. It was going to take three days to return home, due to the various stops the ship had to make, and she had no idea what to do for that amount of time.

Writing. Writing always proved well during her bad times. She could vent her pain and review the blame she was left with. Feeling a new sense of resolve, she removed a PADD from her traveling bag and set to work, typing lightly on the screen.

_I am left with only sorrow. It is not the worst lot in life. Sorrow isn't false or forced, it is pure and deafening. Sorrow is the company I keep and embrace when I am alone, even when I am surrounded by people._

Felicity put down her PADD after typing the few lines. Even writing was too difficult a task. She chose instead to sit in front of the window in her quarters and contemplate the purpose of so much pain and hardship in her life.

Spock was sitting at his desk.

It was usual for a Thursday afternoon.

He finished grading Vulcan I assignments.

His body was physically dead yet psychologically burdened.

It had been aching over four days now.

No response from Felicity.

A deep sigh.

The bell to his office door rang.

Another of his many, eager students.

The prospect of having a conversation was daunting.

Spock did not want to talk to anyone.

But he could not shortcut his job.

"Enter."

The doors slid open to a shaking, small woman with bloodshot eyes. She looked as if she was about to either hyperventilate or have a psychotic episode. Tears slid down her cheeks and onto her chest that was heaving. She wore black slacks, a forest green blouse and carried two traveling bag in her hand.

Felicity.

His heart twisted tighter than it had ever done before. It had been eight months since he had seen her, and now she was standing in his office, more beautiful than before. Except for her face. It was contorted in turmoil. The scene before him literally caused him to become motionless, afraid that he may have been hallucinating.

It took every ounce of her resolve to not collapse into tears when she saw him. Not being able to properly formulate sentences, she said the only thing that repeated itself over and over again in her mind. "I didn't know where else to go."

The words did not cause the apparition to dissolve. The only logical conclusion would be that Felicity was truly standing in his office. "What happened?"

"Tracie and I got into a fight. After that I wasn't able answer her communications from being so busy. She killed herself."

Spock's jaw literally dropped as he whispered, "Felicity..."

"It's my fault." She shook her head as hot tears started to roll down her cheeks from the faltering composure. "It's my fault. It's all my fault."

"No it's not."

"You don't know. You weren't there." She could feel the beginnings of her sanity slipping. After keeping a stiff upper lip for the majority of four days, even the three long, lonesome ones on the freighter, now that she was back where she felt belonging, her control was fading fast.

Spock swiftly stood from his chair and hastened around the large desk; the only thing that separated him from her anymore. "Come with me."

"Huh?" She looked at him as if it was the first time he made himself known.

He lightly gripped her forearms and tried leading her to the door. "I'm taking you home."

The realization of her predicament hit her hard. She couldn't return back to their apartment, at least not for a while. That would certainly result in an episode. But asking to stay with Spock was no better of a choice. She was basically forcing herself on a man that she rudely dismissed. Marovin was quite wrong about her reason; it was very much gone. Felicity pulled away from Spock more violently than intended. "No. No. I can't go back there. I can't get my things. I can't step foot into that apartment. I need to leave. I need to go somewhere. I don't even know why I came here. I'll be fine." She turned to leave just as Spock grabbed her upper arm.

"I'll take you to my apartment then."

"I couldn't. I can't. I just need to deal with this on my own. I'm sorry I bothered you. I don't know why I did it. I know you must hate me too-" Felicity broke off into intense sobs at the thought.

Spock was at a loss for what to do. He knew that humans liked to be comforted when under emotional duress, but he was not sure how to go about such an act. He stood helpless and watched Felicity as she became bent over with grief. Then, an idea came to him.

"I comprehend the state you are in right now, but if you'll let me-"

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!"

"Let me calm you down."

"I CAN'T CALM DOWN!" Her heaving was intensified, and it became more difficult to breathe. One arm was wrapped around her waist while the other reached out for anything to grasp onto.

I disagree. Spock grabbed Felicity's wrist and roughly pressed his fingers to her face.

With closed eyes, he searched through her mind quickly to understand the pain she was exhibiting. Her thoughts were scattered, and it was difficult for him to make sense of anything, but once he did, he withdrew to pour better emotions in. There were no specific memories he wished to convey; that might upset her even more. Instead Spock shared with Felicity every happy emotion he had ever felt while around her. His peace that he felt when seeing her face after so long, even in anguish, was forced into her mind. His love was the most intense of emotions he shared. It was complete, undying and steady.

Felicity slowly changed from hyperventilating to sobbing quietly to clinging to Spock as she tried desperately to steady her breath. Once he felt she was stable enough to function, he slowly pulled his fingers away from her face and wrapped his arm lightly around her shoulders. She stayed leaning against him for a long time.

"You will be safe with me." he whispered softly, guiltily enjoying the feeling of her body against his once more.

She spoke to him numb and indifferently. "Call my parents. I want them here."

"Let me get you back to my apartment first."

Felicity barely nodded her head and stared at the wall with dead eyes. "Fine."

For the first time in his life, Spock saw a human with less emotion in their eyes than any Vulcan.

Unsure of what had happened, but having a relatively good guess, Felicity followed her guide unable to recall the pain from earlier but unable to feel content. The only thing that resounded in her now was uncertainty. Spock had shared with her some of his own emotions, she assumed, but even with a clear transfer, she had no idea what he did or was trying to do.

And so she walked past the bright, yellow walls decorated with purple and red baubles and knick knacks. The side tables were unobserved along with the room number, 223A. She noticed nothing as became her usual.

Spock did not walk in front of her in case she lost her way, so he stayed next to her walking much slower than normal. He had to reach a hand out to stop her from walking further when they reached his quarters. Felicity stared at the door as Spock entered the code as it slide open with some noise she couldn't really register.

Gently pushing her into the room, Spock lead her in and took her bags to the bedroom as she continued to stand motionless in the entrance way. A small black fluff cantered up to her and started talking, confused about what was happening.

"Meow! Meow! Mew-ow?" _Dad! Dad! Who is this lady?_ Even in her disconnected state, Felicity was still able to cognitively register it curious that a small black cat be in Spock's apartment.

"That's Othello. He was a present to keep me company." Spock said as he returned from the bedroom.

Felicity bent over, her face sad and tired, and lifted the soft body. She held him close to her chest and scratched the top of his head while looking at nothing in the room.

_Oh! This must be my momma! She is so nice to me. I wonder where she has been for so long._

"Mow?" Mom? Felicity nuzzled her face to the black one in her arms and sat down on the couch, willing her tears to stay at bay. The small body in her arms started to vibrate.

Spock relaxed seeing her sitting on the couch with Othello. He deemed it safe enough to leave her there while he retrieved the rest of his things from his office he so quickly abandoned. "Rest for a while, Felicity, and I will be right back. I need to-"

"Don't leave me." Her eyes were scared as she practically whimpered the request.

"As you wish." He was at something of a loss for what to do. She was safe in his apartment now, she was not crying anymore, and her and Othello seemed to be getting along nicely. He figured that all her worries should have faded away. But that was not that case with humans. They kept their pain close by for a long, long time. "When is the funeral?" he asked while sitting in an armchair across from her.

She shrugged, bouncing the small body in her arms. "When I schedule it."

"You should do so soon."

"In a couple days." Felicity nodded. It needed to happen soon, but not just yet.

Again, Spock was at a loss for what to say and gandered at the room around him for ideas. Sight of the replicator renewed their conversation. "Are you hungry?"

"No." However brief it may have been.

"You need to eat something, Felicity."

"Did you contact my parents?"

"Not yet."

"Do it."

"What would you like me to say to them?"

"I don't care." Felicity buried her face in the soft black fur tried to keep breathing levelly. Othello playfully attacked her hair that had been tickling his face. She was amused, imagining the ball of excitement doing the same to Spock was humorous, but there was no smile. She let him eat her hair.

Spock left her sitting on the couch and walked to his study. Psychology was not his best suit, and so he had no idea of what to do besides follow her orders. She was physically with him, and it was wonderful to have her back in his life, for the moment, but her mind was far off, leaving him with only half of what he adored so much.

Turning on the computer, Spock sighed confounded by his company, ans set to work relaying a communication to her parents.

Felicity knew what would be coming next, being a master at human behaviors, and did not want in any fashion to be the textbook definition of a person in despair. But she could not help the huge knot in her stomach from almost bursting out of her. Getting into the first stages of sleep would be difficult right at this point of the process, since she was so wound up, but once her stress depressed enough, there would be sleep, and a lot of it.

Too apathetic to ask for the long story of how Spock came across the cat, she sat content to hold him and was impressed by his lack of resistance. It was almost like he had the same idea; content to be in her arms. For some reason, he reminded her of Spock. She didn't know why. He just did.

Spock walked briskly from his study and moved directly in front of her. "Your father said they will try to leave Sunday. He also said to make the funeral arrangements as soon as possible, meaning for the next day or so. You can stay with me until things are settled."

Felicity gently placed the cat on the couch next to her and stood trying to gain some self control. "No. I'll find another place to stay this weekend."

Finding no resistance against the urge to touch her, Spock reached out his hand and gripped her upper arm. "It would put me at ease if you stayed."

Felicity wanted to argue further but couldn't formulate thoughts or sentences and nodded.

***************************************************************************

As Spock got ready for classes that Monday morning, his neck ached. Sleeping on the uncomfortable and compact couch was taking its toll on his sleep, but his bed was otherwise occupied, and he would never dream of moving Felicity. What was more actually out of place was Othello not crying to be fed. This was highly unusual.

He walked over to the bed in his room, not sure why, but he wanted to be close to Felicity before he left. He wanted to touch her. Felicity was laying on her stomach, softly snoring, with a small Othello compacted into a little box with a head laying on her back. Spock was sure the position was uncomfortable and reached to remove the soft body. As Spock's hands wrapped around Othello's tummy to pick him up, the small, black head looked up at him, and a low, rumbling growl sounded in his belly. Truly taken aback, Spock immediately removed his hands and watched as his cat removed one of his paws from the camouflage of black and placed it out in front on him claiming the space. He understood.

"I will fill your food dish before I leave then."

Othello merely turned away from his dad and rested his small head on Felicity's back.

Spock walked to his Vulcan I classroom while pondering. Nyota would not be there, since she had far surpassed the class semesters ago. Thankfully, she had been too busy worrying about the start of the new semester to barely have any contact with him over the past few days. He was not trying to avoid her, but having to explain Felicity would have been a cumbersome process. It was actually surprisingly peculiar how quiet his past few days had been with no Oona coming around either.

Spock knew how Felicity felt, he could feel it himself. The pressing weight of her anguish had been renewed almost tenfold by having her so near and his recent mind meld. He wished his mother was around to be able to properly comfort her, something he knew he was ill-adept at achieving. It would be another eighteen days until his parents arrived. But Spock still tried his best to get Felicity out of her catatonic-like state the only way he knew how. Every few hours, he would try and persuade her to sit with him in the living room and read, or have dinner, or play with Othello. She responded to nothing and only ate when forced.

He was still surprised though at how diligent Othello was; only leaving Felicity to eat his own small kibbles. Otherwise, he stayed right by his...Spock really couldn't consider her Othello's mother. He wasn't sure if she still wanted him in that fashion, but he could only hope for the best. The fact that she had come to him and was not perturbed for having him keep her hostage in his apartment, he considered to be a good sign. She wouldn't talk still, giving him an unclear perception of her disposition toward him, since the only emotion of her's that he felt was despair.

It was an awful thing to say, but besides Felicity's sorrow that imposed on him, and the agony from seeing her in the current state, Spock reluctantly conceded to being was excited and happy. She was near him again, and he would play nursemaid to her all she liked as long as she never left his side. When walking home after his time spent at the office or elsewhere, there was a supreme joy in the knowledge that she was there, waiting for him. The last part may have been an incorrect assumption, but Spock wanted to keep in mind the most profitable, potential reality.

Along with the contentment he felt from her presence in his apartment, Spock was also painfully aware of how her pink, pajama top clung to the small shapes of her breasts and how tantalizingly short her lounge shorts were. He had seen her in less, but that had been almost a lifetime ago, and she was most certainly his then. Now, he wasn't sure, but having her around was driving his logic far away.

There was the emotional impact and the almost tangible desire to touch her and have her kiss him again. He had thought about it many times over the last eight months but never considered it a possibility. She was here on Earth and sleeping in his bed now. It seemed almost too good to be true that there was more than a fraction of a percentage for the possibility to feel her body against his own.

Felicity slept, and slept, and slept, and slept that her days and hours converged. She set the date for the funeral to be the previous Saturday, needing to do something with the body soon, and since that time, when only she stood to watch the casket be dropped into the ground, her residence was Spock's bed. She was unsure whether she had been sleeping for a day or a week. Occasionally she would have to used the bathroom or Spock would wake her so she could eat, but other than that, her time was spent sleeping.

And it is truly amazing how each and every one of us think that sleeping continuously will solve problems, or at least make them bored and leave us. We think that sleep can cure anything that has to do with pain, but it doesn't.

When she would be waiting to doze off, Felicity would berate herself for the decision she made. It didn't make any sense why she had categorized everything else in her life second to her career, but in one instance, all her reason was lost to anguish. Things were so very backwards.

_A dishonorable discharge? What a failure. I push everyone away, especially the people that need me. I kill my best friend, can't handle the news of her death. I give up my perfect job. Now look at me. I'm practically crawling on my hands and knees back to someone so I won't be alone during all this, and I don't even talk to him. I'm surprised he doesn't kick me out right now for being a parasite. Multiple, hot tears started streaming down her cheek. What would I do if he did tell me to leave? I would literally have no one, at least until my family arrived. I need to stop thinking and go back to sleep. I'll feel better._

Felicity was sniffling from her crying, the tears wetting Spock's pillow. She stared at the wall in front of her until, quiet startlingly, a black body appeared in the few inches of space between her and the edge of the bed.

_Mom? Mom, why are you crying?_

"Mowow?" _Mom, What's wrong?_

"Hey sweetie." she whispered.

"Mar-ow." _Don't cry, mother._ Othello nosed his way to Felicity's face, stepping on her forearm and shoulder in the process. He gave her nose a few kisses then roughly nuzzled her with his own face.

Felicity reached up, Othello losing one of his stairs in the process, pulled the cat down and held him against her chest like a security blanked. She snuggled against him so tightly and sighed as the tears on her face started to dry.

Othello vibrated in Felicity's arms content on making his mother stop crying. "Mow, meeowow." _Mom, I love you._

Deciding that three days...or maybe it had been four days...either way, was long enough to go without a shower, she clamored out of the bed, accidentally knocking down Othello in the process, who appeared to unshaken, and started pulling items out of her traveling bags. Toiletries were required, along with a fresh change of pajamas...and underwear, oh God.

Her legs and armpits were getting uncomfortably hairy, not to mention other areas that bore similar resemblance to overgrown foliage. Her hair was greasy, and Felicity felt disgusting as a whole. The side of the bath tub was lined with a battalion of beauty products, and she intended to used every single one.

Washing her hair, deep conditioning, there was a lot of scrubbing and exfoliating, multiple washes of the face and back due to the multiple, small zits that had surfaced during her lethargy, clipping of long toe and fingernails and shaving were Felicity's tasks, and with each new rejuvenation, she felt better. During her process, Othello moseyed into the bathroom to check things out and stood on his back paws to lean against the tub. The water inside, didn't make him too excited, so he scampered several feet away to the rug and watched from there.

Felicity felt like a different person. Being clean was refreshing and made it easier to deal with reality. She wrapped a large, white towel around her body and went to go sit on the bed and enjoyed not having itchy areas.

When Spock came home that evening, Othello was sitting by the door waiting. The small panther didn't say anything but walked slowly to their bedroom, turning back on occasion to make sure his dad was following.

Actually sitting up in the bed was Felicity who watched Spock with sad eyes as he entered the room. He considered this to be an improvement over the dead look she possessed lately. Her hair was wet, and a white towel was wrapped around her body instead of the pink, sleeveless blouse that clung sweetly to her small breasts and short, comfortable shorts she so often wore.

There was nothing she had done for the past...countless days, and she didn't really care about what he had done either. The only issue she had was that he left her from time to time, which she couldn't really blame him for. She refused conversation, took up space in his apartment, and required to be fed. So with this in mind, she didn't really have anything to say, ashamed of herself and not wishing to be asked to vacate.

Spock stepped into the room cautiously. He was unsure about the social protocol with a woman in a towel. "I'm surprised to see you up."

Her eyebrows jumped, and she sighed. It was the most emotion she had shown since arriving. "I think I've caught up on all the sleep I ever missed."

"How are you fairing?"

Wanting to continue the quest for humor, Felicity looked at him levelly and said, "I feel like shit and want some narcotics."

"Resorting to drugs will not solve any problems." He took a step closer and clasped his hands behind his back.

"I assure you, I'm quite aware of that, Spock." Lashes shadowed her eyes while surveying him. He knew she was referring to her biological mother.

"Is there anything I could get for you? Have you eaten today?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat." A few more slow steps brought him closer to her then sat on the end of the bed, a proper distance away under the circumstances.

She ignored his remark and replied with a non sequitur. "I envy you sometimes for your lack of emotional empathy."

"Did the mind meld help you at all?" he asked curious.

She folded her arms across her chest. "Is that what you did?"

"Yes."

Her expression turned contemplative. "It felt like how I would expect it to."

"Did it help?" he pressed.

"Only to calm me down while we were at your office. I don't feel any happier."

"Would you like me to try again."

"No." Felicity felt that her response was too quick and felt bad. She was unaware of how it would feel under normal circumstances, but when he performed it on her, however many days ago, it was an overwhelming bombardment of emotions. She couldn't really place what he shared with her, but the one thing she was sure of was the intensity. They allowed her to breathe again. "I didn't know you had emotions that strong."

"I thought you did." he spoke quietly, and Felicity knew right then that she had upset him, as much as a Vulcan could be upset.

Unable to cope with anything at the moment, defending herself was the best option, at least it seemed so. "It was always a presumption, but never an absolute. You wouldn't explain the complexities of your emotions to me."

Spock looked at his hands. "I apologize for being so inconsiderate toward you."

Felicity hated herself once again with a new fervor and wondered why she was so volatile. "Don't. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve an apology from anyone, especially not you."

"What are you talking about?" His eyebrows were drawn together.

"It's my fault. I argued with Tracie and bitched her out, even though I knew about her disposition and her illness. I knew she had attempted suicide before, but never thought it would be because of me." Felicity rested her head against the head board giving a beautiful view of her next and upper chest.

"You cannot blame yourself for this occurrence."

"Someone needs to be held accountable."

Spock shook his head at the silly notions she had in her head. "If you continue to think this was all your fault, it will inevitably destroy you."

"Why should I care. I already destroyed my job. I left with a dishonorable discharge."

This news had not yet made it to his ears, and he was unsure for a second, if his hearing was failing him. "You what?"

"It's the only way they would let me leave."

"I understand their reasoning for not letting you leave-"

"Yes, so that every person who had a bad day couldn't go running home to Earth. I know, but there was no way I could function, and I would have gotten a court marshal anyway for not showing up to my job."

Obviously she was still brooding about that circumstance, so he decided to change the subject. "And why do you not deserve an apology from me?"

"Because you've been more than accommodating, even after what I said to you the last time we spoke, or after all that shit I put you through the last month I was here." Felicity fiddled with her hands while talking, a question popping up in her own mind. "Are mind melds only for conveying emotions?"

Spock sat up straight and became all business once again. "They are not intended for that at all. A mind meld is mainly used for connecting affianced children or obtaining or sharing vital information via telepathic communication. In your instance, it was the quickest remedy that came to mind."

"And what about our bond?"

"Strengthened a bit."

Felicity mirrored his position and narrowed her tired eyes in a surprisingly playful way. "Speaking of affianced children, there is a bone I have to pick with you."

"Yes?" he asked apprehensively.

"You're married." It was a statement more than a question.

Spock was quiet before speaking. "The human definition of marriage is different from what Vulcan's consider matrimony."

"You're avoiding the question."

"By a variation of your definition, yes."

"Why did you never tell me when we were together?"

"Before disengaging myself from her, I wanted to be sure that...you were...the female I wanted as a...mate." He was having difficulty with his words like some schoolboy. He disregarded it as being the fault of the towel.

"And what was your conclusion?"

"There was no conclusion. You left."

"What if I hadn't?" she asked quietly.

"Are you really so unsure that you need to ask?"

With an intrigue so great, yet a perception so inaccurate, she stayed silent hoping her desires could possibly be true but not daring to voice them in an attempt to thwart humiliation. Felicity picked up a PADD that was slipping out of his bag onto the bed. "What are these?"

"Vulcan I assignments I have to grade."

"I could help you with it."

"That is not necessary, Felicity."

"It's the least I could do for everything you've done." She turned it on as Spock eyed her critically. "Now what am I grading?"

"Verb and prepositional phrase correctness."

Felicity read over the text one student had written; short sentences were more along the lines of what she was looking at since it was only an introductory course. After a few moments of scrolling, she handed the device back to Spock. "I can't read this."

"I didn't recall you being fluent in Vulcan. How exactly you were going to help, had been a mystery."

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Don't know what I was thinking. Perhaps I'm going crazy."

"I sincerely doubt that." Spock rested a hand on the back of his neck and massaged the area with his fingers.

"Are you alright?"

"My neck is stiff."

Felicity nodded in agreement and pointed behind her. "I know how that feels. My shoulders and back have been really sore, and I haven't been doing anything but sleep. I think it's from laying in uncomfortable positions."

"I could massage them for you."

Felicity was taken aback by his offer. Even after being around him almost naked before, she felt like this was new, and she was shy and uncertain. Wanting to refuse him but having no true will to do so from exhaustion and an overwhelming desire to have him near, she conceded by simply nodding.

Moving faster than he deemed necessary, Spock practically ran to the end of the bed where Felicity sat. He knew that she was upset, and making any improper sexual advances toward her would be perceived as inconsiderate, but having the opportunity to have his hands on her properly after so long of being separated almost obstructed his breathing. He knew his offer had been self-serving.

There was just enough room between Felicity's body and the headboard of his bed. That's right where he scooted into, at a much slower pace than the one that brought him to the location. Almost reverently, he placed his palms over her shoulders and squeezed. Her body tensed up as his large hands squeezed harder and rubbed a miniscule fraction of the stress away.

It felt nice to be touched again, at least by him. Felicity had not felt in any way peaceful in a long while, even before the devastation, and to only concentrate on one feeling was like a vacation.

Spock's hands moved to her upper arms, squeezing them and pulling them back almost in an attempt to pull her against him. Massaging her shoulders and arms could not have been doing any real good for the tension in her back, so Spock pushed the towel down a bit to gain better access...for the massage. Of course. His hands started at her neck, ran over her shoulder blades and along the middle of her back, rubbing away any distress that may be present.

So consumed by morose thoughts, Felicity was hardly even fazed. All that existed in her mind were melancholic images and disorienting pain. It was a relief having the contact. She could only imagine that using a lotion or oil could make it better.

He pulled down each side of the towel to her hips, but could see that her arms were still hinged at the elbows, covering herself probably. Which wasn't a bad thing. If Felicity had been more open about her nakedness, Spock might have tried some of his more vulgar tactics he had come across while reading up on human flirting techniques. A few were very wordy and salacious, but he couldn't help but daydream about using them on her. That was in the past though when dreaming was all he could do, now Felicity was in his arms, but he needed to proceed with caution.

This action was reversely, very surprising to Felicity who was used to a distance, more aloof Spock, even when they had been socially attached. Now he was actively getting her nude and engaging in very intimate touching. It was perhaps because he was worried about her, she doubted after so many months apart that he would still feel anything for her. After all that she had put him through recently. More than likely, this was a ruse to make her feel better and move her out.

Spock's Vulcan exterior was nearly shattered by her almost inaudible moans. His tactile conceptualization was in overdrive, along with the rest of his senses. Her hair smelled like the lime shampoo she used, but her skin smelled like brown sugar lotion. It was intoxicating, but his perception was biased. This was his female, so naturally she would smell good to him. He could not imagine any female to smell better, anywhere in the universe.

His hands slid over her soft, clean skin down to her tailbone. It was the first time in his life, much less with Felicity that he allowed himself something so greedy. Rather than feeling disturbed by the illogical desire to touch her, Spock was contented by the caresses with his sensitive fingers and the overt display of affection. He could also feel her own anxiety ease the slightest bit, relieving some of the burden on him as well.

Othello hopped onto the bed to see what his parents were doing and saw his dad petting his mom. He thought that was very nice and considerate.

It was silly for being uncomfortable, but Spock could not properly concentrate on the softness of Felicity's body or the little sighs she was making with Othello staring at him. There was a bit of guilt to be sure, and then even more for feeling the original guilt emotion in the first place. It compounded to equal a motionless Spock.

Felicity turned her head, curious. The wet strands of hair still clung to her face and neck. They were closer than he had ever been, and he suddenly felt jealous of them, which led to him feeling guilty for being jealous of hair, which then made him feel silly that his brain could not stop these ridiculous and inconvenient emotions.

"Do you want to stop?" she asked him, though she could have been speaking fluent Polish, and he wouldn't have understood her much more. "Spock?"

His name woke him from the absurdity of his whimsical moment and returned the logic back to his overactive brain. To think that offering the intimacy was a good idea, he could not conceive how that was made reasonable. "I apologize."

"You don't have to do it anymore." Felicity wrapped the towel back around her upper body.

"Perhaps that would be best."

The answer seemed so odd that Felicity had no prepared response. He was acting much different than she had encountered in the two years that she knew him, and never once before in those two years did his unemotional temperament falter. Now, his undecipherable face looked pained or confused or berating. There was no logical reason for him to be in turmoil. Or was there? "Is my mood affecting you?"

The question was ambiguous. Did she mean ever or now specifically. He decided to play it safe and answer part of her question to take her mind away from certain other things, like the heat radiating off of his body. "It has lately."

"I'm sorry that you have to put up with it."

"There is no need for you to be sorry. I would rather share your emotions and have you safe here with me rather than galaxies away."

Felicity obtained a far-off veneer and stared out into the distance like some sort of toga-wearing Socrates. "It makes my head spin to think about the world in terms of safety and love, because there isn't love and there is no safety. There is only the here and now, and it is such a pity that there can exist nothing more than that."

"I disagree. Respectfully, of course. If there only existed the 'here and now', then I would never have considered you more to me than just a cultural encyclopedia, as you called yourself one time, I believe. You are significant to my own existence."

"But it's like anytime I try, anything at all, everything's always messed up on a massive scale. I need a desk job where the only contact I have with people is through written communication." She ran her fingers through her hair and vowed to quit having so many pity parties. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve to hear me bitch constantly."

"I am aware that humans feel more emotionally relaxed after voicing worries or complaints. But I do wish you would stop apologizing."

Felicity nodded once and observed the room around for the first time. It was simple without many trinkets or inefficient objects on display. On his dresser, was a basic wooden frame with a picture of him, herself and Terry inside. While nostalgic, it made her think about better times. Nothing was thrown on the floor, except for her own items...and a black bag folded neatly in the corner. "What's that?" She pointed to the bag.

Spock looked to where her finger was pointing then turned back proudly. "A cat carrier."

Felicity's eye brows found a new home at her hair line. "Excuse me?"

He motioned to the kitty on the bed. "I use it to take Othello to my office occasionally."

"You're kidding me?" she asked with such disbelief.

His face twisted into slight annoyance, and he replied indignantly. "No."

For the first time in a long time, Felicity laughed.


	18. Diminish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the end of this chapter...

His day had started out all wrong. No. Not wrong. Maybe 'different' would be a better description. It had become difficult to classify his life with simple adjectives anymore due to the recent reintroduction of Felicity. Now, whenever contemplating his existence, Spock had to think of the dictionary definition and social context of a word properly before applying it to his life. Inconsistent! That's the best adjective to explain his morning...

_Felicity had been sitting up in bed concentrating on a large book in her lap with a small Othello passed out on supplies beside her. She would scribble hard on the paper then viciously erase. Her gaze did not linger on any objects around the room, so it could be presumed she was either writing or sketching from memory. The round, swooping actions her arm was making gave off the impression of sketching._

_"I must say, the original uncertainty you had exhibited over the past few days has dissipated. I am please to see you are resuming normal activities." he commented before moving into his closet for a clean of uniform._

_"Not really. But I gotta start doing something before I go crazy."_

_"Will you eventually regain normalcy?"_

_"Oh. I expect so. Most mentally stable people can handle difficult events, and even Tracie's death essentially is something I've come to terms with, but so much of my...confusion is due to how the events compounded from me solving an important investigation to being vocation-less and back on Earth. I feel bad, I feel guilt and I feel upset about the loss, but I also feel pathetic for not being able to handle anything."_

_There was not much Spock could say that already hadn't been repeated over and over again. The intentionally soothing words were muddled by the natural indifference in his voice at times, and so he found that saying nothing was almost better then upsetting his lady even more. Spock waited for her to continue, but she didn't and instead, shook her head while choosing another pencil being guarded by the sleeping cat. She returned her previously used one on his belly._

_"Is there anything you would like for me to do?" he offered not wanting her to be without comfort._

_Felicity stared at him incredibly hard, scrutinizing every pore of his face then forcefully pointed to the edge of the bed opposite of her. "I want you to sit in the living room, very still for a few hours."_

_"What?"_

_"I want to draw you. You're much more interesting than anything else in this apartment."_

_"I have a class to teach."_

_"Cancel it."_

_Spock had not expected her authoritarian attitude but continued his argument. "I cannot do that."_

_"Have another professor cover your shift. Say your taking care of a sick friend. It's not a lie." Spock gave her a dubious glare with his meaningful eyes. Felicity liked it and thought how nice it was being face to face with a Vulcan and seeing some effect of emotion in the dark irises. "Please? How many classes do you have today?"_

_"Two. Syntax and Irrational Theories of Particle Physics."_

_Felicity cocked her head 45 degrees to the left and narrowed her eyes 60 percent. "I actually have a pretty good theory that your students would be thrilled not having to deal with your bombardment of assignments and lecturing today on those subjects."_

_He nearly scoffed at her last remark. "This is a school. There are no allotted 'easy days'."_

_"I'm not arguing with you. Call someone else to take care of your classes and stay home." She lifted her eyebrows expectantly and soundly ended the argument with one look._

_Spock strode away on a mission to have his class times covered._

And now he was sitting immobile on one of the more uncomfortable grey chairs in his living room while Felicity sat opposite from him on the couch. She was so fascinating to observe while going about her quest for a two dimensional Spock; constantly biting her bottom lip in a subconscious presentation of frustration and concentration. There would be particular moments when she would look quickly from him to the paper and back again, while other times she would stare at him for a long time before turning to her page.

Even though Felicity had become disconnected from reality during this process, Spock was not alarmed by her state. Art was her meditation, as she once told him, long ago when the expectant buds of their relationship had not yet bloomed. Seeing her so impassioned with the task at hand was a reminder of the old Felicity who was carefree yet ambitious. Fun and intellectual. She was with him again. But this thought then led to multiple questions concerning a piece of condemning evidence Terry had given Spock some time ago, and the topic was too significant for him to ignore.

"Terry told me that you were engaged in a personal relationship with a man on the ship."

"Huh?" Felicity asked completely taken off guard from the disturbed silence that she actually scratched a dark mark on her paper with the graphite. She erased it away hard while grumbling.

"Your superior."

Sitting bewildered, she finally understood to what he was referring. "Oh. Marovin. Um...well yes...only for a little bit...I mean...after a while I...realized that he wasn't...what I...wanted." She hadn't prepared a speech for the explanation of her previous affair not expecting to see Spock for a long time, and so her words ran had little adhesive quality.

The uncertainty was nothing given the good news that they heralded. Spock's mood was immediately lightened, and he tried to be playful "I find it interesting that you criticized me for my previous relationship with a Vulcan woman I never see but neglected to provide me with a basis for argument."

"That's different! Marovin and I were never married. There's no way you can properly compare those two arguments. Not to mention, you never told me about your woman either! Ass hole." Felicity's brows furrowed into one dark line and were directed back to the piece of paper.

"What intrigued you about your Marovin?" _I will embody those qualities and disregard the unfavorable ones. Wooing is not a difficult process._

"Don't worry about it."

"I am genuinely curious."

"He was similar to the typical alpha male type but much more gentle and understanding...and intelligent. There would be times when he would walk up to me, kiss me, and then walk away. Everything was always entertaining and spontaneous."

The answer was honest but not overly gushy. She had probably kept his feelings in mind when relinquishing information, but Spock could not help the dull stab of jealousy in his ribs. "And you find these qualities attractive?"

"Yes."

"Then why was he not what you wanted?"

Felicity paid very close attention to her sketch pad making sure every detail was in order while responding. "He wasn't Vulcan."

"You have a preference for Vulcans then?" He knew exactly what she was vaguely making references to but truly enjoyed the intimate irritation he could cause. Not that this was the best time for Spock to make fun of her, but social timing was not his specie's strong point.

"Not all of them." she said with a sigh, shaking her head not amused.

He pressed on trying to get more reaction from her. After knowing the dead look that inhabited her eyes for so many days, earning any emotional response from Felicity was a breath-expelling relief. "I have found that to be a similar trait amongst human women."

"Nose down, Spock."

"I apologize." He tilted his head down distorting the original lighting Felicity was using to create the shadows on his face.

"No! Not... Metaphorically." she groaned.

"I don't understand."

"I don't care. Tilt your chin back up."

It was fantastic to have an excuse for staring at his perfection, and scratching away with the graphite that yielded the outline of her affections. Even before leaving the ship, her emotions for him were already sorted. Having him near regained some semblance of the calm she so desperately needed. Her family would be arriving soon enough, and all misery would be lost in the wake of their chaotic love, but for the the time being, Spock was all she wanted, and it was truly fantastic to have an excuse for staring.

But these thoughts were all in the back of her subconscious. Her senses and cognitive awareness were reserved for the purpose of replication. When drawing, it was difficult to have any other thoughts besides which shadow she should create next.

The only problem with having full concentration on the piece of art was that the subject refused her silence. "Have your parents decided where they are going to stay yet?"

"At my apartment. We're going to try and find a new place for me to stay while they're here."

"You can stay with me as long as you like." He spoke barely using his lips, knowing full well that he would get yelled at for moving too much.

"I think my welcome is running thin."

"It would actually be much more logical for you to remain here for some time."

Felicity turned her full, unwavering attention to the motionless Vulcan and gave him a small, amused smile. "Really? How so?"

Spock tried to think of a reason to prove his theory...notion would probably be a more appropriate term, but not much came to his accelerated mind. Nothing of great significance, at least. "If I am at my office, later than anticipated, you would be here to feed Othello."

Nodding, she returned to the rough sketch in front of her. "Of course. God, forbid your cat has to wait a few more hours to eat his next meal."

"I truly would have no qualms if you resided here for some time, Felicity."

"I get that feeling. But I also need to get off my ass and start taking care of myself again. My sister said that she will introduce me to some people associated with the San Francisco Police Department while she's here. I was thinking it would be nice if I could get a job with them until I figure out my next move for my career."

"Are you planning to rejoin Starfleet?"

Sighing from the distraction, "I'd like to, but any chance I had getting on a good ship is now zilch due to my inability to deal with difficult situations."

Considering her words, Spock slightly and unconsciously nodded his head earning him a reprimand from his lady for moving again. "Do you remember before we graduated, and you had said that the professors and commanders, "loved", was the word you used I believe, me, and that I would be able to have a say in matters for assignments? Well, now that I am a commander and professor, my opinion is even more valued, and I could potentially use that rhetoric to acquire another position for you."

His proclamation of deviance was more amusing to Felicity than heartfelt. "Everyone knows your opinion of me is biased."

"Not everyone, and it still is a possibility if you want to continue with Starfleet."

A far-off look graced her face. "I must say that I expected investigations to be much more interesting. I still love it, don't get me wrong, but it's much more interesting in theory."

The suggestions became much more rascally. "You could change your field of study to science and be my protege."

"I don't think you would be able to cope with my insubordination well."

Any remote and almost undecipherable signs of humor on Spock's face disappeared. "You have a significant and valid point."

"Hold still! I swear, your face contorts more than a human's." Slowly, he was getting his old Felicity back.

"Doubtful."

"Doubt me all you want."

After more scratching of pencil to paper, Felicity set her pencil on the small table by her side as a doleful expression clouded her features. She didn't look at Spock when she spoke. "I must say that I'm glad Tracie and I were apart for so many months before this happened. It does make it easier to accept her death."

"I suppose that would be logical when taking into account human emotion."

"Ya. Blame it on my ancestry. As usual, you prat." she sneered before returning her attention to shading his hair.

"I was not condemning that aspect of your genetic make up. I was merely remarking that it is more plausible to understand your reasoning given the fact that you are human rather than a Vulcan, who would not even indulge in a sorrow that could derail their life."

She didn't look up and only nodded. "Made me feel so much better. Thank you."

"Of course." He was either feigning ignorance again or truly could not detect her sarcasm. It was difficult to decipher from his response.

The quality of Felicity's well being had improved greatly over the past twenty four hours. Her chest was still strangled into a tight bowline knot, preventing proper breathing, but was not blinded by guilt and sorrow. She began to feel again and was more than grateful to have the desire to create art be restored.

After another productive length of quiet, Spock's restlessness surfaced again. "There is one of my colleagues I would like for you to meet. She is a very eccentric woman, but endearing. I'm not sure if you had any previous encounters-"

"Shhhh." she hushed him calmly.

"Why when you wish to speak, you are able, but I must remain silent?"

"Because I'm the one drawing."

There was no logic in her argument, but Spock did not retort, mainly because he only started the spat to engage her entertaining emotions of irritation. He could really care less about proving his point when she looked so unknowingly adorable while concentrating hard on him, then the paper, then him again, and the paper once more.

After longer minutes passed, Spock once again, out of character, felt the urge to speak. "When do your parents arrive?"

"My sister's coming too. They are all arriving together at two. Would you like to go and get them with me?" The topic of her family was exciting for Felicity, and Spock was happy to not be reprimanded.

"That would be acceptable. Why is your sister coming?"

"They decided to make it a family vacation."

"Over something so dreary?"

"My family brings their own fun. There are actually a few things you should know about them, before they invade your life. They're all crazy, not legally, but they really are weird, so you can just ignore them unless they speak to you specifically if you want." This earned her two raised eyebrows. "My dad has a very analogous personality. He'll cry if he wants and is snugly but also strong and sensible. My mom is so, so smart. Not necessarily like you, but she's very quick witted and efficient. Any presents I get her always have to be approved beforehand, like new towels or cooking pots. Trying to get her anything fun is a futile mission. And my sister is...exuberant, chatty and for lack of a better word, manic."

"They sound interesting."

Felicity snorted as she erased at the paper creating highlights along his jaw and cheekbones. "There! Done!"

"May I see it?" Spock stood and walked cautiously to the couch.

A small mark of graphite was found out of place on his left ear resulting in frantic erasing. "In just...one...second..."

Spock moved to sit on the right side of his small couch, 1.56 feet away from Felicity and enjoyed the regained companionship. Never did Oona ever make him feel uncomfortable, and Nyota was around to help explain strange occurrences in social settings, but the former used conversation for a filler when there was supposed to be none, and and the latter had a bothersome infatuation and always put him in the spotlight. It was nice to have company who was comfortable with silence and finding more interesting things than him around again. Hands were folded in his lap, and Spock relaxed his posture to rest against the back of the couch.

He contemplated remarking about how her one second passed long ago but was prevented from doing so as Felicity held up a paper mirror. The portrait was comparable to a black and white photo, possibly with rougher resolution but essentially containing all the features that made it look more realistic. The look on his face was placid, but the eyes held a bit of character and emotion. "Fascinating."

"Like it?" she asked hopefully. Even with the high quality, an artist still sees all the flaws in their work before they can truly appreciate the feat of creating something so wonderful.

"It is an uncanny resemblance."

"But do you like it?"

Spock gave her a sideways glance and a ghost of a smile. "It was given to me by you, so of course."

A small shadow jumped onto the couch to check out the raging party and seated himself right on his dad. Felicity scooted closer to pet the cat, but the increase of proximity allowed Spock to smell the perfume from her hair properly.

"Do you want to me draw you as well, little one?" Othello purred and closed his eyes.

The attention that, if it were another of his friends, would have been on him was completely focused on the black cat in his lap. Spock felt guilty realizing that besides himself, there had been no one around, before Felicity, to care for and entertain little Othello. Poor Othello.

While rubbing a soft, black ear between his thumb and forefinger, Spock voiced a concern. "Do you think your family would approve?" For some reason, being accepted by her family was suddenly important.

"I'm sorry?"

"Would your parents approve of your habitation with me...and my heritage?" he added without looking at her.

"You mean, will my parents care you're a Vulcan, not human, and that I've been sleeping almost naked in your bed for the past however-many-days?" Teasingly, she pressed herself against his side and stuck her nose up at him.

"Yes."

"No." Slapping his shoulder roughly, Felicity stood from their cuddlefest on the couch and proceeded to get ready to reunite with her family.

Spock in his typical Starfleet issued black and Felicity in a purple sweater and shin length, brown skirt waited in the lobby of the space port.

She began to wave vigorously after spotting a taller, blonde woman in the crowd of people. The woman was dressed in a green velvet suit, trotted to the smaller Felicity and pet her head while grabbing her in a fierce hug. "Oh, honey, look at you. I know you're having a hard time, but you could have at least put on some make up and done up your hair."

Felicity smiled, used to the commentary. "Mmm Hmm. Hi mom." Another blonde woman came into view, this one with hair the color of wheat and a little slimmer figure than the first but just as tall. "Towhead!" she exclaimed holding open her arms.

"My baby sister! I'm so sorry about everything that has happened, my sweet baby. You should have called me to talk about things, I mean you know I work with people who have have traumatic events in their lives on a daily basis."

"I know, but I've been pretty good."

A white-haired man in black pants, a red and white shirt that said "Polska" on it and a turquoise sport coat followed dragging all the luggage before setting it down and embracing his long lost daughter in a hug. "Hey, sweetheart." His hands rubbed over her back and held her close. "So why'd you leave your job?"

"Dad, don't." Felicity rolled her eyes.

"Michael! I don't think now is an appropriate time to start criticizing her." Joanne chastised.

Erica diffused the petty tension as well as being genuinely curious and courteous nodded in the Vulcan's direction. "And this is Spock, I presume?"

Horribly so, Felicity forgot that Spock was behind her in all the excitement, and grabbed his arm, pulling him closer and putting him on display for her family to see. "Yes, this is Spock."

"How are ya, honey?" Joanne asked rhetorically.

He nodded in polite acknowledgment to the two women and shook the man's hand. Felicity's father, in a friendly, casual way said, "You hurt my daughter, and I'll break your arm."

"Anywaaaayyyy, Spock, this is Michael, Joanne and Erica." Felicity pointed to her dad, mom and sister, respectively.

Turquoise wrapped arms folded across a red and white chest. "What have I told you? I'm not 'Mike'. I'm not 'dude'. I'm 'dad'."

"Ok, pops."

Erica grabbed Felicity's hand and Joanne walked close by while the group made their way outside to find some transportation. "What would you like to do tonight, baby kitty cat?"

"Really? Don't call me that in front of my friends."

"I didn't know you had any." Michael quipped, chuckling to himself and walking behind the three women with Spock to help carry the luggage.

"God, pops! I don't care what we do, but I really don't want to go out."

"We could always...play...euchre!"

Erica turned back to their dad and wrinkled her nose. "No, that's awful. It's too confusing."

He pointed a finger at Erica's nose. "You just don't like it, because you confuse it with pinocle."

A soft noise similar to a purr emanated from Felicity as her mother kissed the top of her head and snuggled her into another hug. "I like that idea. I haven't played cards in a while, and we can show Spock how to play."

They found transportation to take them directly to Felicity's old apartment, and Spock, knowing the layout of the apartment well, went inside with her family, while she stayed near the road, not having any desire to be close to the building at all. The best part about having her parents there would be the opportunity to move away from the confines of the old apartment and into a new one.

On their return journey to the apartment were the real party was going to be held, Michael put his arm around Felicity's shoulders and asked, "What would you like to imbibe tonight, honey?"

"Wine." was all she replied, and Erica nodded very enthusiastically.

"But you drink that dry white wine. Why not some vodka? You never drink vodka with me anymore." He pouted.

Joanne got close to her husband and started to fix the catastrophe that was his hair. "Do you have some with you that you'll drink, Michael?"

"I'm sure we can find some around here. We need to get limes too. Vodka and tonic sounds like the way to go tonight!"

Felicity remarked offhandedly to Spock, "My dad only drinks Polish vodka."

"Humans are so interested in inebriation." The beautiful Vulcan contemplated, rightfully so. When her eyes lingered on his perfect body, Felicity found it difficult to return her attention to the entertaining family, but having so many close people around was doing fantastic things to give back her personality.

"Being drunk is a fun altered state of consciousness. It's like saying, 'No thank you. I'll deal with reality tomorrow'. And for people too, the inhibition gives them an opportunity to be extraordinary." she explained.

"The unwillingness to accept-"

Holding up a hand to silence him, Felicity shook her head. "Don't! I don't feel like getting lectured today."

The company of five meandered their way through the streets of San Francisco getting closer and closer to the Starfleet campus and their destination. They had to stop in a small liquor store during their travels so that Michael could acquire a few bottles of good, Polish vodka. While continuing on, a few pretty, female cadets sauntered by, presumably leaving their classes for the day, as the campus came into view.

"Spock lives on campus at the faculty building." Felicity said to her company.

Joann sighed dramatically. "Oh no. We'll have to pass by all those young, good-looking, skinny, female students. Your dad might leave us to go chase after one."

Michael laughed. At fifty five years old, you quit caring about things like that. "Ya right. I can live without that stuff. What am I talking about? I have lived without my whole life."

The two started cracking up as Joanne chuckled out, "Fuck you" loudly.

Taken aback by the blatant profanity, Spock decided to try and change the subject by making conversation with Joanne. "I trust your flight went well enough."

"Oh yes, yes. Erica told us all about the new Christmas dishes she and her husband got on sale."

He literally missed a beat trying to decipher the real meaning of Joanne's words. "That was the only topic you talked about?"

"Felicity's sister has to tell me every single detail of every single thing going on in her life and more. So really, be careful around her, because she'll talk to you as long as you'll listen."

"I see that you are the quiet one of the family." was whispered quietly into her ear making her arm hairs stand on end from the tickling breath.

"You really have no idea. Seriously though, my sister will talk to you for hours on end."

"That sounds similar to the colleague of mine I was telling you about."

When arriving at the faculty building, the party had to cease the procession while Joanne and Erica had a lengthy conversation about the decorations in the hallway. Joanne thought they were too ornate, while Erica considered the red and purple baubles to be just the perfect amount of accent and the yellow walls to be a great color she may paint her basement.

This absolutely unnecessary conversation lasted for far too long that Michael started making technical conversation with Spock. They talked about physics, which Michael was not well versed in, and tanks, which Spock knew nothing of and had very limited talk save for computers. That was the hot spot, and once the two men started talking about mother boards and hard drives, nothing else in the world mattered. They hardly noticed when the women left them for something more interesting and relaxing, like Spock's apartment.

Erica immediately gravitated to the small, curious Othello, who had no idea what to do with such a light-haired creature. She picked him right up and rocked him like a baby in her arms. "I have a little black kitty too. His name is Leopold Antony." she said nodding at Spock who was winning major cool points for having a small, black cat.

Felicity touched the Vulcan's arm creating an electrical current between them. "See. I come from a family who gives their pets weird, elaborate names. Like this one time, I found an albino mouse on the side of the road while walking, I took him home and named him Herman."

"Fur Ball!" Michael clamored through the door and walked right over to the happy cat.

Felicity was smiling more than she had in weeks, even before the heartbreaking news of her best friend. The circus that was her family was too much to dismiss, and she was happy to watch the action unfold. Happy until her mother spoke again.

"So how much weight have you gained since we last saw you? I can tell you're getting a bit of a pooch belly." The green garbed woman shuffled toward the bathroom.

"Don't worry about it." Felicity rolled her eyes and literally waved away her mother's back. Michael had taken Othello from Erica and was now holding him against his chest while walking slowly around the room as Erica made a seat next to her sister.

"I hate it how mom always tells us we need to lose weight." she said while playing with a strand of Felicity's hair.

"Does she? I haven't noticed anymore than normal. I guess I've just started to zone her out after all these years."

"Lucky you. They've never been able to guilt you into doing anything."

Smiling at her towheaded sister, Felicity laughed heartily, a noise which grabbed the attentions of both Spock and little Othello, who were more than happy to have heard the noise. "Ya, I ignore them. It's a gift."

"I hear you all talking about me! Don't make me come in there!" came the muffled voice of Joanne in the bathroom.

Erica responded innocently with a loud, "Nooooo."

"What are you gonna do about it?" said Felicity, always provoking.

Joanne raced into the room and slapped her hand on the coffee table making both girls jump in their seats. "By the livin' lights of Leeds!"

Felicity looked up playfully at Spock, who was finding the family to be more than entertaining, and started another commentary. "That's another thing about my mom. She has all these old, English sayings."

"Come on! Let's throw some cards around!" Michael stood in front of the four, slowly and deeply massaging a mesmerized Othello who was helpless in his power. From that moment on, Othello vowed to follow Michael around all evening, happy to be with his grandfather. Besides his own dad, not too many other boys came to visit him.

Joanne sat up straight and clapped her hands together. "What are we going to play?"

"Euchre!" Michael urged.

But Erica argued, never liking the game. "No! Pinocle!"

"Fine."

Joanne went to unpack the cards from her suitcase, and Felicity walked over to Spock standing a socially acceptable distance away even though she wanted to catapult her body into his. "Have you ever played pinocle before?"

"No. Not at all."

She giggled at the quickness of his response. "You haven't been speaking much lately. A few terse sentences here and there."

An eyebrow shot to the ceiling and he responded with a weariness. "It's all I feel there is time for."

Felicity nodded in congruence. "You really won't be able to talk much with my mom and especially my sister around. But anyway, I used to play this game all the time with my dad's side of the family, and so for the longest time I thought it was a Polish game. Kinda broke my heart when I found out that it wasn't."

Michael set Othello down and was beginning to make himself a proper, Polish vodka and tonic, when he belted out, "Damn it! We forgot the lime."

Erica dance over to her father and the liquor. "We can replicate it, daddy."

"I want a real one." he pouted.

"We'll make due, pops." Felicity helped her mother get the cards and score sheet ready.

"But that's the best part of the drink." He spilled a small amount of his tonic while pouring a drink and immediately a little black ball was at his feet investigating the incident like a crime scene kitten. Michael picked up Othello again and held him against his hip, like one would do with a child, and continued his bartending.

Joanne pointed to Michael's glass which he handed over and went to make himself a new one. "I thought the alcohol was." She sipped from the glass and let out a satisfied, "Ah."

"That's good too." he agreed.

As the cards were being dealt for the first game of pinocle, Erica gave them all an overview of what exact green she was painting her living room walls at home and the nice painting her husband made her. She then needed to enumerate the exact process going about trying to find the specific color and the techniques she used to make it perfect.

"Does her husband speak as much?" Spock asked quietly while sitting next to Felicity and observing the game.

"Not really. She kinda does the talking for him. He's a really nice guy though."

"So what the hell happened with your job?" Two pairs of eyes stared at Felicity. The eyes that belonged to her father who asked the question and the smaller, yellow eyes that were part of the disembodied, black head in his lap.

"I lost it, and Erica is going to help me get a new one." she answered simply.

Michael shook his head ruefully. "I think you've made a big mistake giving up your position. I understand that you were upset, but damn. I thought you were stronger and smarter than that, Felicity."

As if feeling bad for herself wasn't enough, having her family be disappointed too was rough. She arranged the cards in her hand and mumbled a quiet, "I know."

"You don't understand, dad. People who have had very traumatic events in their lives sometimes can't handle the change and will remain in a catatonic-like state for days or even weeks. Baby kitty cat handled it quite well for someone who has a history of avoiding conflicts." Erica was ace at giving backhanded compliments.

"I don't avoid conflicts." Felicity protested.

"But you do internalize everything and don't talk to people when you have problems. You let it sit inside and refuse to speak to anyone when upset. I know, because I've been your sister for over twenty years!"

Joanne didn't want to be left out of the conversation and always wanted to boast about her daughters every chance she got even if there was no one else really around. "And you have a degree in occupational therapy."

"Yep." Erica nodded.

Michael took a long sip from his drink before setting it on the table and gesturing with his arms as if asking the world what the purpose of life was. "All I'm trying to say is that people die everyday. It's something you're going to have to get used to especially working in a militaristic setting. You need to be able to reserve yourself from the pain as a means of coping with what life can serve you."

"Is that right, Socrates?" Both Michael and Joanne started cracking up from the jab as Erica shook her head.

"You're evil women."

"My sister works with crazy people and the mentally ill. She used to work with the elderly in a nursing home, but changed her focus to the mentally deranged, so she pretends to know all about my issues as a person. I'm still better at explaining behaviors though." A sneer crossed the only female brunette's face as she snootily vanquished the sisterly competition.

"But you both explore human nature." Spock observed.

"In a sense. I find them out when doing their dirty deeds and she tries to explain their actions. Vocationally at least."

Joanne excitedly wagged a hand at her youngest gaining the attention of the whole room. "When you go to the interview that Erica's taking you to, make sure that you put on some make up. I can see a few zits on your skin that really need covering, and it's always better to present yourself properly and putting your best foot forward."

Spock observed the game, dissimilar to the one Felicity had tried to teach him ages ago, and was fascinated with Michael and Joanne explaining the game. They took turns finishing each other's sentences, one picking up where the other left off resulting in one long, unbroken tutorial explaining the premise of the game. He politely declined when asked to be included, not wishing to impose on the humor and fun of the close family, but instead sat diligently next to Felicity throughout.

They exchanged various cards, laid them down to collect points, then played them against each other in a number of hands. The game was ended when the first partners broke one hundred points, and the two pairs played three games which resulted in Michael and Erica winning two and Joanne and Felicity winning only one.

"Take a look in the mirror, losers!" Michael gloated, hyped about the win, but more to just be silly. He stood up and did a weird dance, embarrassing Erica and Joanne in the process. Felicity loved it and thought it was cool to have a lame dad.

"Take a look in the mirror at that hair, you dumb Polack." Joanne collected the cards strewn all over the table to pack them back up for later festivities. "I never get to win."

Confused again by the seemingly brutal relationship that was Felicity's family, he whispered another question to her. "Is not the term 'Polack' quite derogatory?"

"Yes, but in this context, it's said with frustrated love." She picked up the empty glasses and relocated them on the small dining table for Spock to dispose of later.

Once all the cards were put back into their case, Joanne stood and yawned while shuffling to the couch. "I'm tired. I need to go to sleep."

"Ya. I'm up way past my bedtime." Erica stretched out of her seat too and stalked the black kitty. "I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. You can't run away from me." Othello thought she was weird and darted across the room.

Her father found the cat next. "Hey, fur ball." Michael kneeled on the floor and spidered his hand toward the black fluff that was now watching him with wide eyes. He lightly grabbed the soft tummy as Othello wrapped all four paws around the large hand and arm device and started biting at the fingers. Back paws began roughly kicking the arm while he was being shaken. After both were thoroughly exhausted, they moved to the cushions of the couch.

Spock touched Felicity's arm while she tidied the space of his living room. "Your family is more than welcome to stay here for the evening if too inebriated."

Her immediate attention went to Michael who sat, smiling with his eyes almost closed, a vodka and tonic in his hand and a passed out Othello in his lap.

"I think that would be best."

Joanne required sleeping on the couch and refused Spock's personal bed even after he offered it many times. Erica and Michael slept on makeshift beds on the floor while all that was left was Felicity, Spock and little Othello to sleep in the bedroom. Unaware of the protocol that dictated proper bedroom etiquette, Spock offer to sleep on the floor as well, but she refused saying there was more than enough room in his bed for the three of them. Othello never gave anyone a choice of where he slept.

If the three amigos had not been preparing for sleep in the next room, Spock still would not have attempted to initiate any physical intimacy with Felicity. The grief had not completely left her yet, and he was an honorable male who did not take advantage of women, but even if they ever progressed to that point in their relationship, he preferred for her to decide on the regulations of their courtship.

After changing into her typical pink blouse and short, pajama shorts, Felicity turned down the bed for her and her men. Othello was already waiting on one of the pillows, and Spock was brushing his teeth as Michael flew horizontal through the air in the room and landed on the bed. "Don't let her get me!"

Joanne could be heard in the other room while Erica was laughed so hard she was snorting. "Michael! Get out here right now! You're drunk as a skunk and you need to change!"

"Don't let her get my pants!"

"Pops, go to bed." Felicity calmly commanded, unfazed by the bizarre event, and her father dragged his almost lifeless body off Spock's bed, gave her a big, long bear hug and trudged back into the living room. A toothbrush in hand Vulcan and an nearly squished kitty stared at Felicity confused about how to respond.

"My family's always like that. Bet you're glad you invited them to stay, aren't you?" She stroked Othello for some time to calm down the wild hairs on his back from the fright. When her gorgeous Spock returned with a clean mouth, she fought back the urge to explore it and instead chose to stand in front of him and stroke his hard chest. "I'm sure it's a lot different from what you're used to."

"Very much so." His voice was more hoarse than usual, as she tempted him with the sensual contact. Felicity flashed an incredibly cute and feminine smile as her hands vacated his chest and hopped into bed. "Good night, Spock."

He walked around to the other side of his bed, more than grateful to be sleeping on the soft mattress again, and fluffed the pillow his unnatural son inhabited. After getting comfortable under the quilt, Othello stretched out with his back feet pressing against his dad and his front ones draped over his mom's shoulder.

"Good night, Felicity."

Laundry was being folded on the couch when Spock returned home after completing his quota for office time that Friday. Othello was passed out on the already folded towels. Sleep is all that cat has done lately. Felicity greeted him cheerfully and continued to build her towel towers over the black obstruction.

"How was your interview?" He asked while setting his things down. There was a strange sense of routine in this activity; coming home to find his female and asking about her day.

"Wonderful. Next Monday, I will be a member of the San Francisco Police." She held out her arms proud of herself.

"That is indeed good news."

"Yes, and my family and I went around looking at different apartments after the interview. We found one that was reasonably sized and accommodating, not to mention close to the department."

Not wanting to hear the answer he dreaded but unwilling to be ignorant, Spock asked about her immediate future. "Do you plan to move soon?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"My dad is getting us transportation, to move the things from my apartment into the new ones, right now. My sister and him are moving my things, my mom has a bad back."

The suddenness of the news nearly obstructed his breathing facilities. "Then you will be leaving here today?"

"Later this evening, after I let my family harass you even more. They're staying for another week with me, actually. I think that will be nice, since I'll be on my own again. I might get a little lonely and sad."

"You do not have to leave."

"I can't stay here, living with you forever."

He searched his head for anything that would be reason enough for her to stay. "Well of course you would not be here forever, but you could at least stay for a few months. You will be comfortable with your new job by then."

She set down a towel and stared him right in the eyes. "I have to leave, Spock."

"If you must." he spoke lowly.

"I do. I can't escape myself anymore." She stood on the very tips of her toes to lightly place a friendly kiss on his soft lips before walking into his room. Standing very still, Spock's mind lingered on the calming feeling of her lips on his skin once again. It was too quick, he wasn't prepared, and he didn't get to enjoy it properly. Hhmmm.

"Othello!" came a sing-song voice in the bedroom. The small head popped up, knocking over already folded towels, then jumped off the couch and trotted into the bedroom.

Spock followed and found Felicity placing some of the laundry, her sleepwear mainly, in the small travel bags. "Will you be capable of care for yourself being on your own?"

"I'm not a child, and am no longer stationary from pain, so I don't see why you're so concerned."

"Do you still blame yourself?" he asked curiously.

"It's hard for something like that to go away, but with my family here, I can finally breathe again, because of the way they make everything a crazy adventure."

"I could only hope that my own attentions were significant to your improvement as well."

Felicity spoke so quietly, she was sure Spock would not hear her. "Do you really need to ask?"

The speed with which he made his way toward her was difficult to classify. It was a mix between a power walk and a stride...not that it really made much difference seeing as how the significant part was their proximity. Spock's chest almost rested against her back. Neither moved for the longest time, frozen by the near contact.

He didn't want to break the silence with pointless banter...or small talk, but had more than a number of questions that he was desperate to ask her. "What is your opinion of me, Felicity?"

"I don't understand what you're asking."

It took him a while to find the perfect rephrasing of the question. "Do you still care for me?"

"As in, how I used to before I left?"

"Precisely."

She turned to face him, with the small protrusions from her own chest gracing against his, and held his gaze. "One of my friends on the Mercury told me that you rarely touched me because it was something that you actually wanted to do a lot. Is that true?"

"It is possible." he nodded.

A pained visage was Felicity's face when she asked, with confusion, her next question. "Why would you not want to show me affection?"

"Preservation, I suppose. Having such strong emotional ties to you and wishing to express myself on a regular basis was nothing I was used to. But please answer my question. Do you still care for me?"

"It feels different from then."

"An improvement?" His right eyebrow lifted, and the corners of his mouth jerked upward.

Felicity expressed a very adorable, alto giggle. "I don't know. My life as of late, save for those however many days I slept in your bed, has been filled with all kinds of outrageous events. I'm not sure if I can decipher one feeling from another."

"Would you like a reminder?"

Mouth open from his audacity, Felicity always enjoyed the logical sparring between her and Spock, but since her return, his comments had become more and more brassy. "You're being a bit salacious today."

"It was a simple and earnest question." he feigned ignorance, as Vulcan's typically do.

Cautiously, she asked, "What kind of reminder do you have on hand?"

"One physical in nature."

The playfulness made her all business, and she decided to take control of the conversation putting him on guard. "Hmm. Specify."

"Is that what you would prefer, because I would be more than willing to simply demonstrate."

"Alright then. What are the parameters?" She stuck her nose up at him.

And he had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. "Excuse me?"

"I am going to use this reminder as a judgment and baseline to compare my previous feelings, so what are the parameters of your physicality for me to judge by?" Felicity resisted the urge to pace mockingly contemplative in front of his feet.

In no way was he pleased by her teasing. Not only was it postponing the kiss he desperately wanted, her words made his logic actually contemplate the possible parameters for judging a kiss, successfully sidetracking him. "I suppose the typical, heart rate, technique-"

Gripping his shirt firmly for stabilization, Felicity's own lips became the prominent factor for the talking to cease. Spock was unsure what exactly was occurring in that very instant due to the difference in tactile perception. The kiss was nothing like any other one they shared before. Both participant's lips were pressed together with a heightened intensity and adoration yet with no urgency or bland partnership. How his hands held firmly but gently onto her hips; how she smelled like lime and brown sugar at the same time; how his lips were just as exploratory as her own; how her body was small enough to be conformed to and protected by his body...was perfection. It had been far too long since she had felt the security of his kiss, and it returned some confidence she lost over the events of late. Life was becoming similar again.

But it did not last long; 2.53 seconds for the kiss itself, but instead of parting, Felicity and Spock continued to stand close with his forehead bent to almost touch her own.

"It's certainly different." she breathed into his face tickling his nose hairs.

The increase of serotonin from his human physiology caused him to become impish once more, and he persisted to make fun of Felicity as a subtle Vulcan would. "Specify."

Running her fingers through the silky locks, she literally judged the distinctness of their osculation. "It's better."

"Are you certain? We could always retest your resulting conclusion."

Felicity danced her fingers across light green lips while continuing to contemplate his logic, and said offhandedly, "One of the main aspects about scientific reliability is multiple experimentation."

"Baby kitty cat!"

"Coming!" Tearing her body away from his proximity was the most heartbreaking experience Spock had ever encountered. Even, for reasons unknown, more so than when she left Earth all those months ago.

Deciding that entering into the commotion of the living room would be an appropriate course of action, he made a few tentative steps shifting uncomfortably under the increased tightness of his trousers. He loathed being half-human.

Erica and Joanne each had on matching red, argyle sweaters and were holding another one out to Felicity. Both ladies said their exuberant hellos to Spock before Joanne dumped out the contents of her bags on one of the chairs to show them everything.

"Spock! What it be, man? Done anything exciting since we last saw you?" Michael walked into the room in a white shirt and blue jeans with a back brace strapped around his waist.

Thankful to have another male around at a time like this, Spock drifted in Michael's direction with hands behind his back. "Nothing I would consider as such. I have been contemplating the possibilities for the problem I am having with my computer in the study."

"What's the problem with it?" Michael asked folding his arms over his chest contemplatively.

"I am not able to gain access to certain files and communications."

"Are the files on the hard drive of your computer or do you get to them by a virtual transmitter?"

"They are separate from my computer."

"Then all you probably need is a new router for those specific genres of files. Let me take a look at it."

Felicity turned to Spock and mouthed, 'Genius' before they followed her pops into the study. It should prove a little more interesting than her mother's clothes.

She watched the two men tinker for a long while until the conversations that she couldn't understand became too overwhelming and decided to take a nap on the couch with Erica and Joanne while they talked about window treatments.

Never falling into a deep sleep, the change of conversation could be heard along with the bustle of activity. People getting up to use the restroom, eating - mainly Michael, small things scampering across the floor to play with squeaky toy mice, even the soft footsteps of Spock could be heard while Felicity was dozing.

After an indefinite amount of time, her face was being softly petted, by her mother no doubt. Felicity opened her eyes to see that the assumption was in fact correct. "We're getting ready to leave, honey. You need to get up and get your things together."

"Spoc doesnm wan me do leaf." she mumbled while clamoring off of the uncomfortable couch. She could not imagine sleeping on it for a whole week like her darling Vulcan.

"Oh lord love a duck." Joanne exclaimed at the sentimentality and went to stand near Michael and Spock on the other side of the living room.

Erica danced ballet moves along the length of the room, her blonde hair bouncing around her face, before making a jibe at her own mother, using one of her common phrases as a weapon in the process. "Well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black! I recall the same reaction from you when I moved across the country! At least I didn't move off-planet like Spock."

Othello came running up to the group and walked his front paws up Michael's leg, stretching to his full potential. "Hey fur ball." was all Michael said before picking up the black shadow and losing interest in everyone else.

Returning to the room with her small traveling bags, the object of Spock's desire joined the party of standing people. The three women were all standing together with Spock silently until Felicity realized she had to be the proper semi-hostess and initiate the farewells. She grabbed Spock's forearms in a move he was not anticipating, judging by the slight jerk he made from the contact, and said, "Thank you for everything."

Michael returned to reality while still holding Othello on his hip like a child. Joking aside, all he really cared about was the welfare of his daughters. "We really do appreciate all that you've done for Felicity."

Joanne ran her hand along Spock's cheek in a type of petting motion. "Yes, honey. We'll take you out to dinner one night or something for your troubles."

"That is not necessary."

"You're a good kid." Erica punched his arm lovingly before falling into step with Michael who was reluctantly putting Othello back on the floor.

The party of five stood in Spock's apartment in silence again before Joanne shooed everyone out being the mother and understanding how her daughter required a proper goodbye with her 'friend'. Mother's see everything. Three outrageous people shuffled into the bright, yellow halls to politely wait on their fourth member, even though, Erica at least, would bombard Felicity with questions when she rejoined them.

Having her alone properly since her parents arrived was a rare occurrence, and this was also the first time being alone since their first, most recent kiss earlier. Hormones, Spock was not used to, invaded his coppery bloodstream. "You have a decent family."

"They take care of me."

Another long pause lasted between them before he had to break the silence again. "You are welcome to visit anytime."

Leaving was difficult. She needed a place of her own, but walking out so simply made her feel guilty after everything Spock had done. She tried to make light of the situation and joke with him. "The purpose of me getting an apartment was so I wouldn't be in your hair all the time."

The literal image of her slowly tracing her fingers across his scalp made every nerve ending stand on edge. "You know I disagreed with your decision."

She turned around and opened up her arms like and invitation. "At least I'm leaving on good terms this time!"

There was only a flash of movement, at least what the eye could see. But vision was a sense that could be forsaken in that instance. Her body was pressed against the closest wall as his strong hands captured her face. The physics of his propulsion was enough to cause her arms to close around his body, but this was also in part due to her desire to hold him close. Their kiss was needy and indulgent as he deepened it every millisecond; something she never would have expected from Spock. Curiosity was the cause of him parting the precious lips he was so tentatively exploring, and the soft moan that was pushed into his mouth was only cause for him to press his hips fiercely against her.

Through the haze of lust and endorphins, there were thoughts of impatient parents outside, and Felicity's stupid reason outweighed the enormous amount of desire racing through her body. As well as the hard erection against her stomach shocked her back into reality. "I have to go." sounding like she had just ran a marathon, it almost tangibly hurt to tear away from him.

Spock nuzzled her face, eyes still closed, wanting to exult in his small victory as long as possible He couldn't let her go just yet. "Don't."

She tried to pull away but was against a wall. "I'm sorry."

"Felicity..." he breathed.

"No seriously. My parents are waiting for me. If I don't show, they'll know something's up. And it's not like I'm moving too far away, so you will be able to come over often. Grab your carrier and bring Othello too." She smiled while gently pushing him away. "I'll see you soon, and it's only another week until my parents leave. Then you can come over all you want."

"Alright." He refused to say 'goodbye' to her.

**************************************************************************

In the few days following, Spock had thought, hoped really, that once Felicity left his apartment, his sexual desire and frustration would have lessened, but since she had left, he yearned for her more than ever. His heart ached from the absence, and everywhere he looked, there were images of her body curled up or sprawling the space, leading his thoughts to the very particular and favored details of her petite body, bringing back memories of the flirting and sexual techniques he had read about months earlier, causing an onslaught of testosterone through his green-tinted veins and a measurable amount of blood to his extraneous region. He truly, truly loathed being half-human.

What he wanted was his mother, but she was not on Earth, and by no means was he going to talk to her about embarrassing, physiological changes over a communication. He hardly wanted to do so in person, but his frustration was reaching new levels hand in hand with uncertainty. The number of questions filing through his quick mind compared to the few number of answers he created was staggering, which was a horrible ratio in his opinion. The only person whom he could conceivably ask was not currently on the planet...but there were always other possibilities.

Oona was his next best option. Never once had the talkative woman disregarded his differences or ostracized him in any way. She would have to be the source of his answers as rhetorical as some may seem. It was the following Monday that he chose to seek her out, knowing full well where she would be if not teaching class. She sat at her desk in the dolphin filled office eating a shrimp po boy. Not the typical fare for a Tahitian, but they're still fucking delicious!

Right after Oona had taken a a large bite of her sandwich was when she noticed him standing in her doorway. Tartar sauce dribbled down her chin as she shook her head, two pink, flower earrings with dolphins in the centers mimicked the motion. "Spock! I'm glad you're here. I need to talk to you, honey." Her words were quick but solemn.

Wanting to hear what she had to say but also not wanting to lose the courage to talk about his desires resulted in an internal debate. He chose selfishly. "Oona, I have a problem."

"I'm not the person to ask, Spock, you know you have to talk to the head of your department, even if you think he doesn't know anything about physics."

"It has nothing regarding academics, and I do not think Lt. Commander Lindsey is uneducated on the subject, I know." he quipped tersely.

"Then what is your problem? And why do you think I can help?"

"Your advice is always appropriate, warranted and intelligently given, nor have you ever judged me on anything besides my own merit."

She sighed heavily before nodding. "Ok, ok, my dear. What is wrong?"

"A friend of mine, one whom I had met during my own academy days, has been staying with me for sometime, well, until recently that is. She moved out three days ago actually." The speech was not fluid by any means, and to his acclimated ears, the sentences ran together sounding almost like he was stuttering. There is no reason for me to be so humanly flustered.

"She?" Oona raised her own eyebrows at him tauntingly while biting another large chunk off of her delightful treat.

"Yes." an almost unnoticeable guilty look crossed his face.

"Is this perhaps the 'she' you've been pining after since I've known you?"

For some reason, the day he chose to converse with his closest friend about a horribly personal subject, was the same day she opted to be harsh and jeering. "I do not pine."

"Of course you don't." Oona shrugged, bored. "Continue."

Spock took long, slow steps around the room. "During her stay-"

"Why did she stay with you?" At least she continued her tradition of interrupting him.

"Well...the story of the whole process is lengthy-"

"Then just get on with your problem." she said with another mouthful.

Oona's blatant agitation was unexpected, and it took him a few seconds of confused composure before continuing. "She is a friend. One of the best I have, and I do not wish to disturb any unsteady semblance between us. When she is around, though I cannot help the desire to be near her. I have on multiple occasions, during the short duration of her stay, indulged my selfish wants, which conflicts the ideology I hold as a Vulcan, but is seemingly not enough to sate my human, biological needs."

Oona waited for a continuation, unsure about the nature of this onslaught of information, but there was none, and Spock stood, shoulders infinitesimally slumped, apparently waiting for a solution. "So what specific problem do you have?" Her conventional laugh was replaced with a terseness.

She was a grown woman, and humans were more vocal than Vulcans. Perhaps it would not be such an awful conversation to have. It might even be beneficial. "I want her."

Oona started to choke on the sandwich she was eating. "What?"

It was going to be an awful, terribly embarrassing conversation. "Do not make me repeat myself, Oona, please." He almost sounded like he was begging.

Pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers, the older woman tiredly shook her head. "It is certainly a normal feeling, even for one who is half Vulcan, but have you only started to sense arousal around her recently?"

The ignition of adequate conversation spurred him to divulge more than he anticipated and with little pressure. "To this degree of intensity, yes. Before she earned herself an assignment and vacated Earth, we were in accordance with each other, but her passion was much more founded than my own."

"The separation probably caused you to realize what you've been missing."

It felt good to talk about it. Too good. "This is awful. That tables are turned now, and I want to have sex with her while she is untouchable."

Instead of giving a mad cackled, Oona huffed once and continued to eat her sandwich quietly.

"This is no laughing matter, Oona."

"I wasn't laughing. It was just a snort."

Now he was rambling, verbalizing what he had been feeling for so long and happy to have someone listen, to tell him he wasn't insane. "Every fiber of my being wants to be with her, to touch her, and not necessarily always as a sensual expression, but just seeing her, my fingers want to know exactly how her hair feels, or how soft her skin is." Spock gazed around at her numerous dolphin statues frustrated.

Throwing her hands into the air, Oona smiled wryly and said, "You certainly have been pent up."

Spock ignored her and continued in a quiet voice. "Is it wrong to feel this, Oona? Especially after all that she's been through. Regarding her in this fashion should be the furthest idea from my mind. Is this even natural? Should I want her so much?"

"You have for a long time, so I don't see why you're mulling it over so much."

Talking to himself more than Oona now, he continued his undignified rant. "I don't see how this happened. Is it because we were separated for so long? And what if she does not have the same feelings for me any longer? Or perhaps the mind meld was the cause of all this, because statistically it is the most likely causal agent for a Vulcan. There are too many unknown factors to make this a simple equation...what do you think?"

She put her sandwich to the side.

She folded her hands on her desk.

She looked at him seriously.

"I think you need to sit down."

He sat quickly down but only on the edge of the chair and sternly nodded his head at her. "Any input you have on the subject is greatly appreciated."

Oona shook her for the last time in their conversation. "I have none. This is about the U.S.S. Liberty."

Spock sat back in his chair slowly and eyed the dark woman. "What is it?"

"There was a systems failure, shutting off every power supply on the ship, including the pressure regulators. It destroyed itself through implosion. Everyone on board was lost."


	19. Desolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry...

Being a man, and a Vulcan, and a dignified individual, and a person with a sound mind was almost null and void by the news of Spock's best friend's death.

He had been the first human on Earth Spock had made legitimate, lengthy contact with, and Terry never by any means criticized or ostracized him in any way, at least not due to his ancestry. The blonde had taken the time away from his usual norm to understand the pointy-eared alien, which is exactly what Spock was during those lonely first few days alone on the planet.

And poor, wonderful, sweet Keira. She would never be there to give him an objective opinion again.

Spock was having difficulty keeping his respiration under control but found that he had been so thinly spread over the past weeks, it was nearing impossible to keep his logic at the forefront of his consciousness. Too much had transpired too soon, and he was not coping well.

Office time, which had been lacking over the past two weeks, was ignored again upon the decision to have more important things to deal with. He could not handle sitting behind his desk for one second longer that day, but also had a duty to Terry's other friends as the bringer of ill news. Telling Felicity about their friends' deaths was the last item on his list of things he wanted to do that day, but it had to be done. The only hiccup woven in his plan of enlightenment was her job. Spock was unused to Felicity not being available at all hours of the day, and had been walking straight to her apartment. _Maybe I should meet her there. Maybe not. She should visit me after work, and when she goes into another depressive episode, I can care for her again. But her parents are at her house and don't have office time to fill. But she needs to know. Not right away, I suppose._ Spock literally stood on the side of the road debating internally which choice were be more appropriate. He was almost run over by a transportation car in the process and was honked at profusely.

Deciding to send her a message requesting her presence after work for a discussion of important matters, Spock slowly walked home while typing on his PADD. He had to be strong for Felicity, but how could he when it was hard enough to be strong for himself.

_Felicity,_

_When you are finished at the agency for the day, please come to my apartment. There is some very important news I have the misfortune to inform you of._

_Spock_

Short, to the point and conveying the urgency he desired.

While arriving home, he methodically set his things down in their proper spots, fed Othello and sat on the couch to wait. Thinking back on the events of his horrible day, Spock suddenly realized that he walked right out of Oona's office without responding to the news she told him. He suspected she would be sending him a message sometime soon to check on his state of mind.

It made sense. How Felicity had felt made so much sense now. Not wanting to participate in anything life had to offer, wanting to be alone, not wanting to talk. Spock understood how she felt and desperately wished she would for some reason unknown leave work early today. He wanted nothing more then to curl up in bed with her and sleep the pain off, but her well being came first, which was a bit of a relief. Taking care of Felicity would mean keeping his mind away from the catastrophic news, and so a bit selfishly he hoped she would require a decent amount of assistance when he told her.

Spock sat, hands folded in his lap, for four hours. Not once did he move, not even when Othello came up to cuddle his dad. The kitty cat could tell that his pops was upset but wanted to play and was sad that he was consistently ignored. He even tried to pounce on his dad's folded hands a few times, but no response. Dutifully, Othello gave up and laid against his dad's leg and fell asleep.

After an eternity, Felicity bustled into the apartment door setting her belt and phaser on the table closest to the door. "God!" Spock had a digressing urge to remind her that was not his name. "My family is driving me crazy! Felicity, are you stopping by after work? Felicity, we never see you, and we traveled all this way to help you out. Felicity, put on some make up. Ahh!" Purse was set on the floor for Othello's daily inspection, and outer clothes were shed. "So what's going on? What was with the message you sent me?"

"The U.S.S. Liberty was destroyed. Terry and Keira are dead." Spock's words were emotionless, as usual.

Felicity shook her head, jaw to her knees and unable to formulate proper words for a significant duration of time. "No. No, no, no, no, no. No. No. No, no, no."

Spock nodded in congruence. "I share your sentiments."

"Why did this happen?"

"That I could not tell you. I am only aware of how."

Hands were balled into fists as she barked out, "Stop it."

"What?"

"Being logical." Felicity made a move to Spock, then the replicator, then the bedroom, confused and unsure of what she needed to do. "I need medicine right now."

"What kind of medicine?" he asked remaining stationary on the couch.

"Something that will tranquilize me."

Spock closed his eyes and let out a tired and frustrated sigh. "You don't need to become comatose again."

"Take me to sickbay or the medical building right now..." she commanded in a deadly-scary voice.

Holding her by the arm on their way out, Spock directed Felicity out of the faculty building and down the sidewalk. Sickbay was on the exact opposite end of the academy, which was his luck; if he believed in such things.

Felicity demanded to know how the ship was destroyed, under the impression it may have been in combat. When she was enlightened about the systems failure, she was sent into a frenzy of confusion and anger.

"Must there be more sorrow this already sorrowful universe?"

"That I cannot answer for you, Felicity." His responses became more and more logical as a means of combating his inner turmoil.

"There is no more hope. Nothing to care about. This shows how our own existences are each as meaningless as another. We're probably the only ones who care that Terry's dead."

"Keira too, and I'm sure their families are having difficulty with the news." Her philosophically inclined mind was severely grating on Spock's destroyed nerves.

"Could you imagine how my family would feel if I had died in service?"

His voice was quiet and menacing. "I can presume." Felicity did not continue to speak, knowing full well that she was not the only one suffering. She hoped he might be given a tranquilizer too, and then they could enter oblivion together.

The arrival to the medical building's sickbay would not arrive soon enough for the duo. Many students walking about campus saw the two together and thought it curious for a Vulcan to have his hands all over a human female, though for the functional purposes of keeping her vertical.

Felicity threw her body into sickbay as several nurses were passing through, knocking one of them down in the process. Luckily she was not carrying a tray of unidentifiable medical objects, like the others thus resulting in minimal damage, which was decent considering Felicity's ability to destroy and wreak havoc on all things...ever.

A muttered apology flew from her lips, and she looked at each of the nurses in turn trying to decide which one to ask for narcotics. Her quest was cut short as an angry-looking doctor entered the room. "God damn it! What the hell is going on?"

"I need some Valium right now." she told him completely serious.

The doctor stared at her as if she just proclaimed to be the next Romulan praetor. "You can't just walk in here and demand that kinda stuff. You're crazy if you think I'm going to give you anything."

Felicity was shaking and angry, more from the event with the Liberty, but not being able to easily get her nerve medication was frustrating. "Don't. You. Ever. Call. Me. Crazy."

Though frustrated with her particular personality in that instance, Spock was more than grateful to have a distraction from the dull pain in his chest. Taking care of Felicity certainly did have it's benefits of distraction. "What is your name, cadet?"

The doctor looked over the Vulcan dressed in his commanding black uniform. "McCoy."

"As a commanding officer, I can vouch for the necessity of giving this woman medication and require that you administer the medicine as soon as humanly possible."

The ornery man in his lower-ranking red uniform grumbled his way out of the room and left the two standing with the confused nurses.

"You wanted Valium?" he asked just as crotchety as before, with two orange pills in his hand.

"Anything similar really."

"Here's two. Take one now, and take the other when needed. I'm not giving you anymore, so don't come back looking for me."

"Wonderful." Felicity grabbed both small pills, pocketed one and tossed the second in her mouth and started to grind the gritty powder with her teeth.

"Don't chew the damned thing!"

She blanched from the bitterness before replying. "I lived with an RN for six years. I know how to get this thing into my bloodstream quicker, and so I'm gonna fucking do it." Her and her companion left as quickly as they came, and Felicity could hear the doctor remark to on of the nurses, "What the hell was that all about?" as they were walking out the door.

"Do you want the second one I have? I think it would do you some good to relax right now, love."

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"I do not want the pill, Felicity." Spock said through his teeth. Felicity's own tensions were running high, but his short temper did not bother her. For one thing the medicine was beginning its magic, and Felicity could knew Spock did not want to communicate at all.

It didn't take long for Felicity to lose coherence. She was unaware of Spock holding her while walking, taking her to his apartment, or even setting her in the bed. All she remembered was something bad happened. _What was it exactly? Tracie? No, that happened ages ago. Ah, yes. Terry and Keira. And Valium. What a wonderful drug._

She was smiling at the ceiling when Spock came to her side holding a cup. "Here's some tea, Felicity. You need to have something in your stomach for the medication.

Staring at him for a long while, she finally remarked, "I didn't think I had given you the code to get into my apartment."

As was typical with many conversations he and Felicity had, Spock was lost. "You didn't."

"Then how did you get in?"

"What?"

"How did you get in here?"

Realization dawned on him. "This is my apartment, Felicity."

"Oh. Fuck." she groaned accepting the cup.

Spock sat at her bedside staring at his empty, useless hands. With all of the qualifications and intellectual logic, nothing he could have done would have stopped the death of his best friend. In a sense, logic could only go so far in the universe, only had so much influence, and for all it was worth in this instance, he would have loved to forsake it, but this solemn hour was nothing more than another death, another person out of the countless who had lost their lives. And Keira too. For some reason, he and Felicity constantly forgot about the wonderful girl who was only an afterthought, but they died just like everyone else on the ship who meant little to Spock. The most reasonable thing to do would be to accept and move on. The sound advice is much more difficult in action than theory though. And so Spock continued to sit, lost in thought, wondering why his ever present logic had no answer for his many questions concerning the deaths of two good friends.

"I'm sorry." Felicity's voice startled him causing his head to snap up. "I'm so sorry for yelling at you earlier. I know why your species is logical, and I wish I was that way too, so there is no fault I can give you. Forgive me."

It was almost if Felicity could read his thoughts and wanted to back his reason. His voice was soft when he spoke to her; quiet but not menacing this time. "I understand you cannot relate to how Vulcan's as a species use logic as a combatant for emotion, but I also am aware that you know why my species is so imposingly logical."

"So you don't end up having a panic attack like me." She gave him a wry smile swaying slightly from the drugs in her system.

"Precisely, and an added side effect is that I am in full control of my facilities and can therefore care for you."

She held his hands in her smaller ones. "It still hurts though, doesn't it?"

"Terrence was my best friend." It was the closest thing she would get to him admitting he was upset.

"I'm so, so, so sorry."

"You were not involved in the destruction. There is no reason for you to apologize."

His logic was becoming overbearing, almost to the point of ignorance, and Felicity knew exactly why. Deciding that changing the subject would be an improvement, she perked up the slightest bit. "I like how you stuck up for me; how you lied."

"Remarking that the medication was medically necessary for you was no lie." he replied honestly.

"Is there going to be a memorial?"

He nodded slowly becoming more tired by the second. "Yes. Wednesday afternoon. I considered you might be able to request the afternoon off and accompany me."

"I'm not sure I could go. It'd be a miracle if they let me leave early, and even at that I have had enough funerals to last me a while."

For the first time since talking, Spock turned to look Felicity in the eyes. "You only went to Tracie's. Terry and Keira were your friends too."

"I didn't spend too much time with Keira." Unsure of why she said it, Felicity thought about what the purpose of that comment was.

"So you are deciding not to go because you do not want to spare the time?" He stood from the bed.

She tried to correct Spock aware his short leash was coming to its end. "Because I don't want to relive all those sad memories."

He agreed relatively with her statement. "...And because you are unable to cope with reality."

"Excuse me?"

"I cannot force you, but I find it absurd that you could go to Tracie's funeral and not Terry's. I see no difference between the two and believe it would show a bit a due respect."

She was dumbstruck by his calm malice and anger that the fight was no longer continued. "I'll ask off of work then."

"Good." Spock curtly nodded to her and walked out of the room.

*************************************************************************

Perhaps it was the numbness that invaded, but after the initial shock and panic attack from the horrifying and macabre news, Felicity rebounded her mental facilities much quicker than what had been weeks ago. Not that Terry and Keira's deaths were unimportant to her, but after there is so much sorrow exhibited, it becomes difficult to continue caring at such a prominent degree, because it will surely lead to eventual heartbreak.

There was also the issue of her own well being. Getting herself back on the right track had been difficult, impossible really if not for Spock, and there was nothing that she was willing to have abolish what she had worked so hard to rebuild. The memories of her friends would remain sweetly in her heart, but it was time to press on.

But Spock. He was the main reason. He was the one who prevented Felicity from losing herself in sorrow. His own daily functions were decreased to only include the necessary; teaching, grading, feeding Othello, and eating and sleeping the bare minimum. All other time was spent in contemplation or meditation. His condition was why Felicity needed to be strong, because there was no one around to care for him. There were friends he had made while teaching at the academy, but she had not met one, even the person who gave him the beloved cat. And so everyday she came round to his apartment and checked up on him. She wouldn't stay long, because he refused to speak at length and would make an excuse about being too busy, but she knew in reality that he did not want company simply because his heart ached, and his pride outweighed his pain.

The uncanny relationship with the beautiful Vulcan had been taking an absurd turn. Especially after the culmination of less recent events, and it seemed that he wanted her to continue their original coupling where it had left off, but Felicity was not wholly comfortable with the idea. First of all, it was still resoundingly difficult to disregard the abhor way she had treated him before leaving. Second, was the uncertainty with how she reacted to his intimate gestures. She was not used to Spock ever having difficulty keeping his hands off of her, so this was by all intensive purposes new territory. And last, was a selfish and silly notion, but nevertheless prominent in her reasoning. Being around Spock made her want to see Terry and Tracie and even Keira again. He reminded her of a better past, and so he himself was a piece of nostalgia that she was unsure of coping with.

Even so, she dutifully escorted him to the mass funeral for all the souls lost from the destruction of the ship. There were thousands of students, professors, officers, cadets, family members and others in the crowd stunned at the improbability of something so unfortunate and random occurring. All attendees wore black, except for the young cadets in their red, including Spock in his uniform and Felicity in a knee-length, black dress with a long black coat for the cool weather.

Throughout the ceremony, she had her left arm linked with Spock's who hand rested lightly on her own. She never cried; tears only welled in her eyes, and his attention never left the spot in front of them where the various officers were giving speeches.

The service lasted a long while with all of the pomp and circumstance included, but after it was over, Spock and Felicity returned to his apartment being that it was the closest and both were exhausted.

Othello was waiting for them by the door when they returned home, but did not complain or pester his dad. He knew when his parents were tired and sad, and all he wanted to do was love them up, so he sat with them on the couch; his mother slouching on the middle cushion and his father leaning against the arm rest.

"I appreciate you accompanying me." Spock said quietly while weaving his fingers into Felicity's.

She wanted to argue that he did not go with her to Tracie's funeral, or how she was not pleased at all about going, but she wanted to keep the peace between them more. "Are you alright?"

"Why would I not be?"

"Terry, the funeral, everything. Do you even remotely feel how I was when I came back?"

"I am not exactly sure about what I feel. It has been difficult for me to classify all that has been running through my mind."

"You can always discuss anything you want with me. I'll always be there to listen to you, love."

Spock said nothing and nodded as Felicity stroked his cheek before kissing him with the purest of love and adoration. The kiss was soft and innocent, because never in her right mind would she try to seduce him under the circumstances. With all the issues the relationship contained, Felicity still couldn't help but have the most erotic images of his body unclothed dominating her own, but those fantasies were saved for a later date.

Suddenly, and without warning, Spock tore his lips from the kiss with a mild look that could have been classified as Vulcan horror as he proclaimed to Felicity, "My parents are coming today."

Her jaw dropped to the floor, and it took longer than normal for her to reply. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I myself had forgotten."

"You?" she asked in disbelief.

"There has been a lot going on during the past two weeks." She nodded and ran her hands over his hard chest wanting to rip the shirt off.

"What are they doing here?"

"My father is here for a meeting with other dignitaries Starfleet is engaged with, and my mother wished to join him to visit with me." He answered her question while quickly feeding Othello.

"Alright. I'll be at home taking a nap then."

"You can stay here if you wish. You have before."

"No, thank you. I want to change and shower. How long are your parents staying?"

"I'm not positive about the duration, but I have to go and meet them right now. Would you mind if I stopped by later to check on you?"

"Check on me?" Felicity was almost positive that she was not the one who needed the most support at this point in time but allowed her beautiful specimen of a man to pretend to take care of her. "Of course not." A quick kiss was all they had time for before leaving poor Othello alone again wondering what he had done wrong to make them leave.

The same spaceport that hosted the arrival of Felicity's family was also the location Spock would find his own. It was not nearly as busy since his father had not been part of a commercial flight, but as an ambassador had private transportation by a starship. It was easy to spot the two figures he spent his whole life knowing walking toward him in the small crowd.

Dressed in a conservative, brown, Vulcan dress, with her hair wrapped in a usual shawl and walking with a very important Vulcan dignitary, Amanda Grayson was still human, and her face almost split into two as her eyes rested on the son she had not seen in years. Her frame was slight, short and thin, especially compared to her two men, but she hugged Spock with a strength he did not think possible.

"Look at you! You are more handsome than when you left, and in that uniform! How have you been, my son?" She lovingly cupped his face with her hands, and he allowed her the gesture knowing it would break her heart if he pulled away.

"Life has been chaotic, mother."

"You will have to tell me all about it."

"I intend to."

Sarek acknowledged his son with a nod and nothing else. They still hadn't spoken since Spock made the decision to join Starfleet. The younger Vulcan carried most of their luggage, there wasn't much, and they walked together, with Amanda between the men, to the waiting transportation.

Besides the doting love of his mother, Spock was acutely aware of how boring his own family was compared to Felicity's circle of chaos. Pleasantries were more than enough of a presentation on Vulcan.

A specialized transportation car was waiting for the ambassador and his wife to take them directly to where they were staying. While in the car, Spock relayed the story about the past two weeks, including Felicity's depressed state, not including the pain he felt because of her. Upon mentioning her name, his mother became very excited and quipped, "She's here?!"

"Yes, mother."

"Oh...that's good." she said unsure of how to respond.

"I suppose." He continued with his story and could not help but agree. It was very good to have Felicity with him again. The recounting of events ended with the memorial service he and Felicity attended that morning. Forgetting their arrival was another fact he wished to censor but offered the information about him leaving Felicity to welcome his parents.

His mother listened enthralled, more just happy to be tangibly close to her son, and every emotion crossed over her face during his explanations. Sarek stared ahead of him and listened quietly as his wife absorbed every word her son spoke. "You left her alone after the funeral today? She could have come with you."

"The morning I believe had taken its toll on her. She went home to rest."

"I want to meet her!"

"Have you heard nothing your son has said? She is in no fit state to entertain." Sarek's smooth voice was shadowed with irritation.

"I could keep her company. I'm sure she would love to have another woman to talk to."

Spock shook his own head. "That is why her family is here, mother."

"Well fine." Amanda gave up trying to persuade the stubborn men.

"Will you be staying with me or has there been quarters arranged for you to spend your time?"

"It's been arranged, dearest, but I would love to see your home. We could walk there after dropping your father off. It would give me a chance to stretch my legs."

The building the transporter car took them to was for special dignitaries involved with Starfleet and was not located directly on campus. The location was more secluded and required a larger amount of security clearance to gain access. Spock helped carry his parent's luggage to the large quarters they were given and waited for his mother before leaving.

The elegant, Vulcan stood in the foyer watching his wife. "Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" she called out to Sarek while re-wrapping her hair.

"There has not been an adequate amount of time for me to meditate since we left Vulcan."

"Suit yourself. I will be back later." Amanda kissed her husband softly on his cheek and left with her equally handsome son.

"So, tell me about Felicity." she urged.

"There is not much you do not know about her."

"I mean tell me about the current status of your relationship with her."

"I myself am not exactly sure what it is."

"I would really like to meet her."

"Perhaps you will have the chance during your stay."

Amanda lightly shook her son's arm. "Ask her to come over."

"What?"

"Ask her to come over. I want to meet her."

Spock pulled out his communicator and flipped it open. He hoped silently Felicity would not be sleeping still when he called. If so, she would not be pleasant to talk to. His mother stood close by, excited to be doing something interesting.

"Hello?" came the cute, soprano voice he adored.

"Felicity, would you like to come over and meet my mother?" Instinctively, Spock's voice was lowered by one octave when talking to her.

"Ugh, I look awful, I'm tired and haven't taken a shower yet today."

Amanda's voice could softly be heard through the communication. "Tell her I don't mind and that your father isn't here right now, so she doesn't have anyone she needs to impress."

"My mother is trying to persuade you to come over." Spock's follow up made her chuckle.

"Ok, then. I'll be there when you get home, but I have to go. Bye." The communication went silent as Felicity ended her side of their conversation.

"She sounds fun." Amanda smiled at her son as he was putting away the communicator.

"Life is not typically dull when around Felicity."

"Do you continue to love her?"

Spock nodded in concordance. With the death of his best friend and dear Keira, Felicity's presence was more important to him than ever. It made him appreciate every second they spent together, and he no longer wanted to waste her time, as Terry had once put it. He would give her reason to stay with him.

"Am I presentable enough to meet her?" She ran her hands over the soft, brown dress.

There were some aspects that remained a mystery to Spock, including the female worry of not looking appropriate enough. "Felicity judges people on their innate abilities."

"I'm sure your father will like her qualifications and personality."

"Qualifications?" he asked confused.

"Out of all the times you and I have talked, about Felicity more often than not, did you think I would not have discussed the subject with your father? He is curious to decide for himself if she is a good mate for you."

Anger flared in Spock's chest, and it took every ounce of Vulcan resolve to speak calmly. "Father does not have jurisdiction in that choice."

"Are you not confident in her?" The question was meant to be playful and fun, but it occurred to Amanda her son was in no mood.

"I am, but he knows full well I make my own decisions. If he does not approve of Felicity, his opinion will not matter much to me."

"Why not talk to him?"

"He would not respond, you are aware, mother."

Amanda knew what her son was saying was correct which pained her deeply. She wanted nothing more in the universe than for her husband and son to speak again, but it would not be today, and so she changed the subject to keep from crying. "Tell me about your other friends. How has Ms. Oona been fairing?"

Spock told her about Oona being the one to tell him about Terry and Keira and how he had not seen her or Nyota in over two weeks. Admitting the time alone was required due to the difficulty he had with the sorrow, he was also grateful Felicity came to check on him, Othello kept him company and now that Amanda was there. Feelings were difficult to articulate into words, but Spock did so knowing his mother wanted the truth about his life and all the information he procured.

They had to stop many times walking on campus for Amanda to admire the beautiful, lush trees. She missed them desperately from living in an area ripe with vegetation and natural beauty to moving on a planet that was barren and dust. Vulcan had a certain beauty, but nothing could compare to her Earth. Each building was pointed out and described in detail about it's prime purpose, since Amanda had never actually attended Starfleet, and she loved walking with her son on the beautiful day. She considered it an enormous sadness that the day had to be tainted with the resounding deaths of so many young people.

Spock pointed to the building directly in front of them. "This is the faculty building. My quarters are in here."

"I assume Mr. Othello is waiting for you."

"He waits for me by the door 74.8 percent of the time. I informed him that you would be arriving in a few days, so I believe he is anticipating you as well."

Amanda tried desperately not to laugh at her son, but sometimes he made it far too difficult. Having given birth to the Vulcan beside her, she could detect even the most miniscule reactions, and it was obvious when Spock was being a smart ass and when he was in earnest. She had no doubt in her mind that her son actually told his cat about her imminent arrival.

Felicity was standing in the living room with Othello in her arms. Her heart almost stopped when seeing Spock. It seemed silly but surely he couldn't have gotten more gorgeous over the duration of the few hours they were apart? A small woman followed him in wearing a brown dress and shawl covering her hair. Her eyes were kind and loving and were the exact replicas of Spock's. Felicity wanted to give him a good afternoon kiss, but with his mother standing next to him about to be overtaken by a black, quadruped viking, so it was not deemed the most reasonable idea.

The black cat had projected out of Felicity's arms and ran past his dad to the new woman. "Meewowo mew!" Hey! Grandma! Othello was more than excited to see his grandmother in a three dimensional state. That way, she could pet him.

"You must be Othello" Amanda scratched the top of the black kitten's head.

"Me." _Yep._

"You're very handsome." She stuck out her hand to the nearest human as her son reached down to pick up Othello and carried to his study so he wouldn't be a pest. "And you must be Felicity. It is wonderful to meet you after all these years."

"Good to meet you too. I apologize for my appearance, but it's been a rough day. I suspect Spock has told you about it?" Felicity self consciously ran her hand through her hair.

"Do not worry about a thing, and Spock did tell his father and I about everything that has happened lately. I am so sorry for your loss; all of them really."

"So he and his father are talking now?"

"Not directly to each other but they'll talk to me loudly so the other can hear. It is ridiculous and childish. I tell Sarek this every time the two are together, but he is too stubborn."

"I now understand where Spock gets that trait."

Amanda saw her son close the door to his study quickly behind him. "They are very much alike. Oh, let him out here. I doubt the poor thing wants to be jailed in your spare room." The Vulcan sighed heavily.

"Do you have any embarrassing pictures or stories about your son you could share?" Spock poked his head around the wall separating his study and the living room.

"Unfortunately life on Vulcan is much less flamboyant than here."

Seeing right through her visage, Felicity asked, "So you just don't want to share them?"

"He would kill me." Amanda conceded with a grin.

Othello ran past his dad as fast as possible and walked up to his grandmother moodily. He was not pleased about the new sleeping arrangements; the ones where his mother didn't even sleep in the same house as him and his father anymore. Maybe they upset her. No, he was too cute to upset his mother, so it had to have been dad. He would have to give his pops a talk later.

While Amanda was sitting on the couch, Othello made himself a nest in her lap and kissed the tip of her index finger a few times. His mother was close by, so he was able to socialize elsewhere without worrying about her well-being.

The older woman used both hands to massage "You are the sweetest thing. Nyota did good by picking him out for you."

he later statement was news to Felicity. "Nyota gave you that cat?"

Spock turned quickly away from Felicity. "Yes." She gave him her best outraged expression, and he quickly defended himself. "It was after you and Terry left. He was my company."

"But Nyota? I remember when we all went to dinner together, and that woman couldn't keep her eyes off of you."

Considering it best to not remark about the many other advances the dark woman had made of the course of Felicity's leave, he remained silent. This was one of his more brilliant ideas.

Amanda also chose to not embarrass the young couple by commenting on Felicity's apparent jealousy. "I hear your family is in town."

"Oh yes, it's been nice having them here for me, especially my sister. It's always easier to relate to a sibling rather than your parents, I think. It's a shame Spock doesn't have any brothers or sisters."

"He does have one older brother."

Staring at Amanda, Felicity wasn't able to comprehend what had just been said. "...I'm sorry?"

"He never told you? They're half brothers. Sarek was involved with a Vulcan woman before we met, but they were never bonded." It seemed basic, casual information to Spock's mother who was in no way jealous of her husband's past. Her easy acceptance made Felicity feel more comfortable around the woman.

"A Vulcan doesn't have to be married to the person they're bonded with?"

"You knew that." Spock interjected.

"Since when?" Felicity scoffed at him.

"Since I told you, when you confronted me about T'Pring."

Felicity sat deep in thought reaching to the deepest recesses of her mind. That conversation took place when she had just gotten out of her coma-like state. "...Ah. Ok, I remember now."

Sitting further back in her seat, Amanda was genuinely surprised by what had transpired. "You told her about T'Pring? How very interesting."

"He didn't tell me, I found out and we had a little chat." The younger brunette corrected, giving her Vulcan man a menacing yet doting glance.

"Tell me something interesting about you, Felicity." Amanda insisted wanted to change topics.

Felicity thought long and hard about an aspect of her existence that could be considered interesting. There wasn't much. "I actually have a fear of trash, and sometimes it inhibits my ability to perform at my full potential depending on the situation and environment. But while I was stationed on the Mercury, I started to engage in Skinner's operant conditioning techniques, in particular using positive reinforcement to desensitize myself from trash and thereby extinguishing the phobia."

Amanda's eyes widened and her brow furrowed with confusion. The look was similar to the "Felicity look" that it's creator had not seen in an indeterminable amount of time. _I still got it! Ha cha cha cha!_ "How about you tell me what you do know about me, and after that I can fill in the rest."

"I know quite a lot about you, down to your favorite nail color; yellow."

The randomness of the statement was overshadowed by the confusion in Felicity's mind. "That's not my favorite. It's nice, I mean, I have nothing against it."

"Then I suppose I've been receiving faulty information." said Amanda pointedly to her son.

"You told your mom that my favorite nail color was yellow? You're so weird." Felicity didn't know if she should have been embarrassed or if the situation was more funny.

"It was the color you were wearing the first day we met. I assumed after our conversation you reserved a preference for the color." He tried to defend himself from the two most important women of his existence, but it was a difficult task when he faltered under his mother's all knowing eyes and Felicity's keen awareness.

Blown away by the strange turn their conversation took, the younger woman shook her head confused. "I can't believe you remember that. All I remember about our first day of classes was that I was a total spaz."

"You are constantly off the wall, so I see no reason why that particular instance of the memory would stand out for you." Pointed eyebrows lifted playfully, and Felicity sneered at him and his accusations.

Amanda was having the time of her life watching her son and Felicity arguing like an old, married couple. Perhaps things would end sweetly between the two with the wonderful and silly companionship, and there could be nothing more for a parent to want than to have their child happy. Not only did Amanda want her son to be happy, she also thoroughly enjoyed Felicity's company and realized that the extension of their meeting could be resolved with a conglomeration of both families.

"Felicity, do you think your family would like to have dinner with us?" She pressed her hands into the cushions to boost herself up, causing her black pompom to jump onto the floor disgruntled.

While to the normal person with a normal family, the idea may have been considered a great one, for Felicity, the decision to expose more conservative people to her family was frightening. "Uhh...they're a bit weird, so I don't know if your husband would be too thrilled with that idea."

"Spock seems very fond of them from what he has told me, so I doubt there would be any issue."

A disclaimer was needed at least. "That's all well and good, but no offense, if he was rude to them, I would refuse to stay. It's a very forward thing for me to say, but I am fiercely loyal to my family."

The smile on Amanda's face was nothing more than loving. "He will be the utmost of gentlemen, I assure you."

*************************************************************

Felicity, Joanne and Erica were standing in front of her large bathroom mirror applying makeup. Erica wore a silver, a-line dress with embroidered leaves sewn into the fabric. Joanne donned a navy blue skirt suit and conservative blue pumps. Felicity had on a knee-length, gray sweater dress with long sleeves a a pleated skirt hem. The dinner was being held at Spock's apartment, due to the difficulty of gaining access to the building Amanda and Sarek were staying at.

Michael walked in the bathroom wearing a button down blue shirt with abstract palm trees covering the front and his black jeans and gave a catcall for his pretty girls.

"Wow, dad. You're so cool." said Erica after seeing his shirt.

"Hey. Shut up." he laughed happily.

Joanne shook her head and lead him out of the bathroom. "Michael you are not wearing that." He grumbled all the way down the hall.

After apply black mascara to her blonde eyelashes, Erica turned conspiratorially to Felicity and asked, "So what's going on with you and Spock? Do you like him?"

"He's the guy I dated months ago. You know that! I mean really, how many Vulcans have I been with in my life."

"But what is your status with him now?"

"I have no idea, to be honest." said Felicity, her mouth gaping while applying mascara to her own lashes.

Erica continued to push the subject, always eager to talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, especially about boys. "He seems to still really like you."

"I know, but so much has transpired lately it's difficult to think about starting another relationship."

"It might be the right thing to do. You never know unless you try."

Felicity conceded. "True."

Michael came back, looking very handsome, wearing tan slacks and a cream turtleneck sweater. "What are Spock's parents like?"

"I've only met his mother the other day. I've heard about his father, you know, kinda gruff." his youngest daughter shrugged.

"Then screw him."

"Dad, if you're going to be like that, you can't come." Felicity said seriously.

Though not far from campus, the family of four took transportation at Joanne's request due to the pain in her back. The ride did not take long, and Felicity and Erica played rock, paper, scissors to pass the few minutes with entertainment.

Walking through the faculty corridors, Joanne remarked again how the decorations were too much and shushed Erica before the younger blonde could speak. The English in Felicity hoped her family would tone down their craziness while at dinner. It was all keeping up appearances.

Introductions were made at the door and both Amanda and Sarek were gracious hosts. Amanda had expressed her excitement at being able to create dishes not entirely vegetarian, and though embracing the lifestyle herself, she indulged occasionally. It was tradition on Vulcan for guests to rise early, before the sun came up, and prepare a breakfast for their innkeeper, but this was not breakfast time and they were not on Vulcan. Spock had also made it clear to Felicity, after she had asked, that her family was not required to bring any offerings. Joanne had difficulty with the concept and asked Felicity again and again if she had heard him correct.

Amanda was delightful as before, wearing a bright smile offsetting the conservative nature of her colorless, Vulcan dress. Sarek was interesting to say the least. His eyes were exactly how Felicity's twins on the Mercury had been; absent from emotion, but his voice was deep and velvety-soft. A much more baritone register than his son's.

"What would everyone like to drink?" Spock asked assigning himself maitre for the evening. Being the son, it was his duty to serve his family and guests as well as it presented him in a favorable light for his and Felicity's fathers. Not that Felicity's father really cared about pomp and circumstance.

"Tea." said Sarek without glancing in his son's direction.

"Water, please dear." Amanda gave her husband a sharp look for the slight rudeness.

"Unsweet tea." Spock looked at Joanne confused by the "unsweet" part but continued on.

"Chardonnay." Erica said with a big smile.

"Vodka and Cranberry, man." Michael answered enthusiastically pointing both index fingers at Spock.

"Gin and Tonic." ended Felicity, proud to be part of the alcoholic family.

The older Vulcan was kindly enough to her family and often lightly touched Amanda's arm while standing beside his wife, but more often than not was his attention pulled to Felicity. The quizzical stare disarmed her confidence, and soon she began to fidget and feel uncomfortable under Sarek's wise gaze.

Felicity stood to help Spock serve the many drinks and to also complain. "Make your dad stop staring at me."

"He is observing you." he replied concentrating on the replicator.

"I know, but I don't want him to. It unnerves me."

Her uncertainty was unnecessary. Spock could tell from the few minutes they all had spent together that his father enjoyed the commotion. If not, Sarek probably would never have married his mother. "There is no need to feel apprehension. My father is merely curious about you."

"Can't he be more discrete?"

"What does you mother mean by 'unsweet' tea?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't change the subject."

If he Spock had not been raised to suppress his emotions, he would have loved to laugh at Felicity right at that moment. "I need to know so I will serve her the proper beverage."

"Here." Felicity punched a few buttons on the replicator creating the bitter drink. She took the cup, the water and tea for his parents and started to walk away.

"Are we done talking?" he asked too innocently.

"We'll discuss this later."

As she served the drinks, she walked into a conversation where her mom seemed to be investigating Sarek about his job. After he would thoroughly answer a question, she shot another one at him rapid fire. This was how she obtained so much of her information and knowledge, and Sarek was more than obliging to tell Joanne all he knew and thanked Felicity for his tea.

Amanda smiled at Erica and asked, "Spock tells us that you are an...occupational therapist, is it? What exactly do you do?"

"I help people with mental disorders and instabilities gain a function of reality so that they may someday be able to return to living on their own or at the very minimum attempt to control their anger and actions. There are the logistically insane, the temporarily insane and the class A people that I study."

"What are the class A people?" asked Sarek interested in Erica's profession.

"They're like the other two, but their specific disorder is unknown. It's like saying, 'You crazy, we just don't know what flava.'"

Felicity took a long, deep sip from her glass of gin.

The menu for dinner was created by Amanda who didn't want her guests to only have the option of salad to eat, and so she had prettily decorated side salads for everyone, her husband's and son's being a bit larger, and their main meal was a Vulcan soup she had mastered years ago, but each of her other guests had their own small bowl along with a chicken breast and large serving of green vegetables.

"This is wonderful, Amanda, especially the chicken. Are you sure you wouldn't like a bite, Spock?" Felicity held out her fork with a decently-sized piece of chicken speared on the end. She had consumed about three gin and tonics at that point.

He held her scoundrel-like gaze before pointedly declining. "I do not eat meat, Felicity. Thank you."

Felicity wanted to make some sexual innuendo but decided to behave instead.

"The human desire to eat meat has always baffled me." Sarek remarked, without any animosity, it should be said.

Erica was super excitable when it came to discussing the delights of meat. "You would have an aneurism if you went to Poland, where our dad's from. All they eat is sausage, and ham and cow, and bacon and all kinds of other yum."

"Chicken is amazing too!" agreed Felicity waving her impaled chicken piece in the air.

"It is a slaughtered animal."

Michael shoveled a large piece of his dinner in his mouth and said with a smile, "But it's still delicious."

"And healthy. Humans need the protein that meat provides." Joanne pointed out logically.

"Sarek, you're outnumbered here." Amanda pointed out.

"So it seems." A smile almost graced his lips as a spoonful of hot broth was brought to his lips.

Felicity was not ready to back down just then and continued her argument. "It's not just humans who eat meat though."

The older Vulcan nodded in agreement with her. "No, indeed. I have found I make most comparisons between humans and Vulcans, and I can only attribute it to the close proximity with which I work with humans."

"And live with." His wife corrected him with a smile.

"You make really good soup too, Amanda." Erica always loved soup and was content as a mouse in a deli.

"It is my favorite. She would make it for me when I was a child." Spock told Erica with a hint of pride in his voice.

Erica loved meals that were made with love and had an exciting bonding moment with her sister's Vulcan. "My dad would make us some Kiszka when we was feeling bad."

"What is that?" Sarek leaned forward a fraction, curious beyond belief at the opposing culture.

Felicity's dad set his utensils down for the first time in order to utilize his hands to their full potential in his explanation. "Polish blood sausage. You take the intestine of a pig-"

Joanne patted her husband's hand. "That's enough, Michael."

"Mmmmm. Kiszka and ketchup. That's what our childhood was about." Felicity rubbed her tummy.

Othello made his rounds to everyone at the table giving them all a chance to feed him. When no one did, he sat on his dad's feet and pouted until his mother discretely offered him a small piece of chicken.

Spock and Amanda cleared the table, refusing help from the guests. Felicity watched in amusement as Amanda used her fingers to comb her son's hair into place while he tried to inch away from her uncomfortable with the display of affection. Felicity's own mother patted her head while talking to Micheal about their inevitable return journey. Sarek continued to ask Erica about her work, finding the mentally ill fascinating. He told her about a Vulcan condition called Pa'nar Syndrome, a neurological ailment transferred by an inexperienced and improper mind meld, but beyond the Pa'nar, there were not many inhibitors of Vulcan sanity.

During a moment when Michael and Sarek were in Spock's study talking about electronics and Erica, Joanne and Amanda were sitting in the living room talking enthralled with each other about the differing fashions of Earth and Vulcan, Spock backed Felicity into a unnoticeable corner. "Would you like to stay tonight? Othello misses you."

"He told you so?" she laughed in his face.

"Not in words I could understand, but I assumed."

"But my parents are here, and I never get to see them."

"Never is an inappropriate classification, and by the time you all return to your apartment, they will be well on their way into stage two sleep. You might as well optimize your time this evening and spend it with me rather than spending needless hours searching for unimportant information on your computer." Hands were clasped behind his back, but the way Spock's chest stuck out and with the keen look in his eyes, Felicity knew by no means was he being socially appropriate, at least by Vulcan standards.

"I could do some paperwork for my job that has to be finished soon." she retorted quite logically.

"You will not." He knew full well he was correct.

But she had to try and defend her honor. "I might!"

"Do it tomorrow."

"Quit being so bossy!"

"I am not. Staying is simply the more logical choice."

"You are so full of shit."

"When do they leave?"

"Saturday."

"You have more than enough time to spend with them. This one night is not vital."

"Fine then!" While the exchange was playful enough, Felicity was beginning to feel like a pushover at how often she agreed to do whatever Spock commanded. It was still difficult to feel any animosity when the bane of her existence was also in the shape of a very incredibly handsome man standing all too closely in front of her. She shoved him out of the way and sat with the other women. Always being the one with little social skill did not impede her ability to talk, but rather being around woman who did not allow any pauses in their conversations was cause for her to remain silent. Not to mention, Felicity liked listening to stories and opinions, more so when around the family see hardly saw.

She watched Michael and Sarek return to Spock's living room. Her father was talking animatedly using his arms to help him express his words, and Sarek walked slowly, hands behind his back, eyes never straying from her pops.

In no aspect was Sarek how Felicity expected him to be, not that she had a reason enough to conceive of him as a villain. Spock always spoke about his father with respect, even regarding topics they clearly disagreed on. The refusal to speak to his son was the only hindering of Felicity's admiration for the otherwise gentle and cultivated, but she also assumed him to be more cultured and knowledgeable than other Vulcans due to his earnest curiosity. Not often was Ku-lak very interested in what she had to say about her own upbringing and traditions. Sarek on the other hand found almost everything Michael said about Poland to be fascinating and different, from the food to the extreme cold; from the conservative religious beliefs to the jolly and alcoholic nature of Poles.

Amanda was interest too but her attention was taken by Joanne and Erica who questioned the roles of women on Vulcan and the inherent male dominated culture. Amanda insisted it was much more peaceful than Earth had ever been during times of inequality, but Joanne insistently scoffed at the idea of men in constant power.

Around ten, Joanne initiated the first leaving comment by stating she did not want to impose her family's company any longer on Amanda and Sarek. Erica who had been yawning agreed. Amanda and Sarek stood to see them out the door, Michael executing the proper Vulcan hand gesture with a big smile. Joanne and Erica couldn't do the split fingers and shook hands to thank them instead. They were almost on their way out before realizing Felicity was not among them.

"Honey are you coming?" Joanne asked confused and wary.

"Spock told me I need to stay and play with Othello. Apparently I've been neglecting him. I'll be home later."

Erica mumbled something similar to "Ya right" and danced out the door.

Michael asserted himself as a father figure and gave his youngest a stern look. "Don't stay out too late. I don't want you walking around so late at night by yourself."

"Spock will walk me home."

"Ok..." Joanne and Michael followed Erica but kept their eyes on Felicity only guessing the possible motives she had in store.

Amanda spun around on her heel and exclaimed, "Your family is lovely, Felicity."

"Very intelligent and open minded." Sarek agreed mildly.

"That is a great compliment indeed coming from you, sir."

Sarek replicated another hot cup of tea and sat on a chair in the living room. "If you do intend to return home this evening, have my son accompany you."

"I would not allow Felicity to leave otherwise, father." Spock sat next to Felicity on the couch while defending his quality.

Sarek held his son's defiant gaze with little trepidation and replied casually, "I would not expect so."

"So you two are going to speak to each other now?" called Amanda who was cleaning the rest of the apartment. She folded her arms across her chest, obviously waiting for an answer neither man had prepared for her. "Oh, don't quit talking because of me."

Felicity snickered as Spock physically leaned away from the furry of his mother and Sarek stared in the opposite direction. Deciding to diffuse the tension, Felicity asked Sarek a question that pestered her for a long time. "Sarek, when did you first realize that you fancied Amanda?"

"When I what?"

"Loved."

Silence was his answer, and Felicity began to think about the propriety of her question as Amanda answered it for him. "When he first laid his eyes on me. The first time we met was at a seminar, and that very same day he asked to 'chaperone' me to dinner."

"Awwww." Felicity giggled happily, glad to have Amanda around who was able to lighten the mood with the two grumpy Vulcans.

"After that, he would come to my classes I was teaching during the lunch breaks my children had. The kids all thought he was the most interesting person they ever met."

"I bet."

"I am still residing in the room, Amanda." Sarek reminded her as she was continuing to talk about him.

"But you're not saying anything." She snatched his empty glass of tea and swatted his shoulder.

"Would you like any help?" Felicity asked sitting to attention.

"No, thank you. Spock, what did you wish to show me earlier?" She wiped down the dinner table and collected the other lonely glasses.

The young Vulcan glided past Felicity and into his room. He returned with a black picture frame in hand, his beautiful black and white face behind the glass. "Felicity drew this for me last week. Is it not outstanding?"

Sarek reached for the picture to examine it closer, and Amanda walked over to stand next to him. "Indeed, your skill is commendable."

"It looks so much like you." Amanda tilted her head to the side admiring her handsome child.

The picture was handed to her as Sarek addressed Felicity. "Have you considered art to be your occupation? Being only a portrait artist could earn you a stable income."

"I have, but I don't want to do art to live, and I by no means produce enough throughout the year to make a substantial amount of money. I do it because I love it...and it's not exciting enough."

"Understandable. I myself am an accomplished musician having won many musical competitions on Vulcan. Second place was always awarded to Spock." Satisfied with his own skill to be sure, the proud expression on Sarek's face from his last comment made Felicity smile.

"You truly are a wonderful artist, and you can by all means draw me any time you like." Amanda handed the drawing back to her son and continued her cleaning.

"You would never be able to sit still long enough, mother."

The exhausted artist stood and stretched. "Please excuse me, but I really need to lay down before I fall asleep on the couch here; I'm so tired. Thank you so much for dinner and for inviting my family." Felicity picked up Othello, who was watching his grandfather curiously, and closed the door to the bedroom behind her.

Soon after, Sarek stood too. "It is late, Amanda."

His wife understood the implied meaning and quickly finished her cleaning. "Alright, let me get my things."

Silence fell over the room as Spock and his father stared at each other; neither one sure of what to say. Surprisingly, it was Sarek who spoke first. "Am I correct to assume Felicity will not be leaving tonight?"

In all honesty, the younger Vulcan had no probability calculated in his head. "I could not tell you."

"Take care of her." Spock nodded at his father's words, as his mother couldn't help her instincts and hugged him tightly to her chest.

"We'll see you later." Amanda's hands held her son in a strong grip before she kissed his cheek and walked away reluctantly.

Though not as exciting as Felicity's family, Spock still loved his parents with the entirety of his half-human, half-Vulcan heart. His mother had put him at such ease over the past couple days, the pain from the loss of his friends was nearly gone, and for that he would be eternally grateful.

Felicity was sleeping on her stomach with her body hanging halfway off the bed still in full dress regalement. Napping was probably a more accurate term seeing as how she had some consciousness but little motivation to physically move. She thought about her life as she lay there.

Othello was beside her bathing, and Felicity finally moved by sliding her hand into the fur of his stomach, after which the small panther wrapped all four paws around the intrusion and fell asleep holding his mother's hand.

Spock's footsteps were heard as he entered the room, and Felicity looked up to watch him. "My father approves of you." He gently caressed the soft, black fur of his kitten.

"How do you know?"

Slowly, he gathered clothes to change into and meandered toward the bathroom. "I could tell."

Reluctantly, Felicity pushed her tired body off the bed and tramped over to her pointy-eared prince charming. "Yes, but how?"

"Subtle indications." he nodded to her.

"I couldn't pick up on any indication of interest with him at all."

Spock walked into the bathroom to ready himself for bed but not before he said pointedly, "My parents are very different from your own."

She followed him in and stood at the doorway. "Only our fathers, really. Your mom's like the rest of us. Maybe not as neurotic." Felicity awarded Spock with a small smile.

"Definitely not." The corners of his own mouth twitched upward.

After losing interest with Spock's grooming activities, Felicity returned to the comfort of the simple bedroom and fell back onto the bed with her legs dangling over the edge letting out a dramatic sigh.

"What is the matter?" he called to her after brushing his teeth.

"Nothing." Her answer was absentminded.

"You are upset, I can tell."

"I'll give you three guesses to figure out what from."

Spock wanted to get it right and took the time to think about the possible answers he could give. "Tracie, Terry and Keira and my father."

Felicity was impressed by his insight. "...I was meaning I would give you three chances to figure out one, but you pretty much got it all right there."

"I told you not to worry about my father."

"I know, but I still wanted to make a good impression."

"You did. Your family...I'm not so sure about."

Felicity;s eyes opened wide with horror. "Really?"

"I was being facetious." he taunted her.

"You're a pain." She smiled wanting desperately to be able to reach a pillow at the top of his bed to throw at him, but they were too far out of reach. "How do you feel?"

"I do not understand the question."

"Have you come to terms with Terry's death?"

"After receiving the news, yes."

It was difficult for her to understand his detachment, though she envied it. "Aren't you still sad?"

"I am not human, Felicity. Such events are addressed in a different fashion than would be with you."

She knew he was not human. He reminded her every chance he got. "I know. I know."

"What can I do to make you feel better?" he asked more concerned about her.

"There is nothing you can do. I feel anxious and can't help it."

"Why not?"

"Because I am human!" she snapped, frustrated with his desire to always have an easy answer for how not to feel bad.

Spock continued to press on, wanting nothing more than for Felicity to be happy. "There is nothing I could do to relieve some of your stress?"

She bit her lip as a large, dirty smile overcame her face. "There are a number of things I can think of."

"Name them." he commanded expectantly.

Felicity lifted herself onto her elbows to look him mischievously in the eyes. "I might get in trouble." She then plopped back onto the bed and continued her remorseful thoughts. Spock's silence was expected but bothered her nonetheless. There were two options in motion; the first being that Spock did not understand her innuendo and was secretly decoding it, and the second was he chose to simply ignore her. It wouldn't be the first time it happened, but her pity party was becoming full blown by the dismissal, and she began to think of every sad thought, as is typical when one is in a depressed state.

As her thoughts turned to previous, bad relationships, ones during which her soul was torn away and shredded like lettuce, Felicity could feel someone standing at the edge of the bed. She opened her eyes to the stunning man of her dreams looking down at her, cautiously. His expression was intense, as if wary and scared while watching closely for any reaction, any miniscule movement that might chase him away. His fingers interlocked with her own initiating a gentle sense of intimacy and adoration which ended all too soon, when he pulled his fingers away, only to replace them on the soft skin of her arms. Felicity lay perfectly still wondering what exactly was happening, unsure if she should move or remain immobile. Staying in the fixed position won her the most amazing reward as Spock's strong hands deliberately and roughly pushed up the hem of the gray dress to her hips and positioned his body agilely between her legs.


	20. Consumate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As wonderful as this chapter is supposed to be, and truly is I assure you, I also wanted it real, more so than the typical romance novel sex, so bits of the dialogue and story line lose some of the fantasy, because it was my supreme wish to express sex in its most natural form: Awkwardness. ; )

She was dreaming. The realization was cold and unwelcoming, as she shut her eyes closed wanting nothing more than to drift back into sleep and return to the land of nod where fantasies became reality. Disappointment almost made her crawl out of bed and leave, but not before she was rudely brought back to consciousness by the tight grip on her thighs.

Opening her eyes, the scene was the same, not exactly. This time he was leaning over her, the look of resolve on his face. The pain from his hand holding her thigh captive, seeing the same setting after closing her eyes, and the feeling of anxiety swimming around her stomach. She wasn't dreaming.

Felicity couldn't breathe. Not properly at least. So many of her socialistic moods had dissipated over the past few weeks and now she knew nothing be need and want. There was no wish to be appropriate, no consideration for her prey. There was nothing but the unparalleled need to to have all desires sated. Her target, the same one she had, had for almost three years stood no chance against her need.

A descendant from one of the most peaceful species in the universe was an aspect forgotten after seeing Felicity's parted lips and hungry eyes, not to mention having the upper hand between her legs. She had wanted this for so long. He did too in truth, but had no concept of how to execute his desires. In an attempt to not appear too inexperienced, he kissed her. That was something he was always good at, and her lips welcomed him happily although his body did not. Bending at the waist was an uncomfortable position, and so the kiss was not long, after which he tried to assess the situation. Felicity grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and pulled him on top of her trying to scoot them both father on the bed.

Their kissing resumed as Spock rested his weight on his arms and knees. Felicity draped a naked leg over his backside urging him closer which he more than obliged to by pressing his hips hard into her pelvis. After the initial urgency of their kissing dissipated, Felicity held Spock's face to her's, taking the time to explore his mouth completely. His head almost pulled away when she contributed a tongue to her inspection. Coupling was not the most sanitary acts and swapping saliva certainly had bacterium downfalls, but she was so skilled with her tongue that logic took a backseat.

An irritating tickle in Spock's left ear caused his head to jerk up, relinquishing a whimper from the woman beneath him. Both saw to the side a happy kitty cat who wanted to snuggle with his parents. Felicity laughed embarrassed, for what reason she was unaware, and said to Spock, "Perhaps we should, uh, kick him out."

"I agree." His voice thick.

Othello's dad picked him up making him very happy. They walked to the living room, probably for him to be fed again or to play with his feather toy, even some squeaky mice would be fun. Not far away from the bedroom, dad dropped the poor little panther and returned to the room, closing Othello out. He stood there for a minute wondering what he had done to be punished then went inside his dad's study and fell asleep on his cat carrier.

Felicity felt very vulnerable and acutely aware of every single imperfection her body consisted of, though her dress was still on and Spock was outside of the room. Disbelief soaked into every pore on her body. Soon she would be naked in front of Spock, and she would see him naked as well. Almost three years led her to this point, so there was no backing out now, but she desperately wanted him to approve of how she looked without clothes.

Closing the door behind him this time, Spock took him time walking back to Felicity. He wanted to admire her red-flushed cheeks and nervous smile. His own insides consisted of a whole gangle of butterflies, metaphorically speaking, but appearing like a silly schoolboy overtly was not an impression he wished to make the first time they were going to have intercourse. Make love was the term humans used mainly. Fuck was an occasional synonym. He would have to ask Felicity her preference later.

Othello's surprise visit made them both self conscious, but the result was a more thorough and slow exploration of each other's bodies. Felicity started.

She clamored, not too ungracefully, to stand with her knees on the mattress resting her hands over her Vulcan's chest. Her personal belief, and almost any other female, if there was a referendum concerning the subject, would agree that any Vulcan, especially of Spock's caliber should never wear a shirt, much less any clothing at all. And so Felicity found the hem of his typical black, Starfleet-issued shirt and pulled it over his hard chest and with some help from his arms, off his body completely. The chest was a statue chiseled to perfection, slim but muscular, and she was pleased to find some dark hair trailing its way down the exotic plane of skin. The hair almost made him seem more animalistic.

If Felicity's hands were tied behind her back, she would surely have found a way to touch his chest, and unable to keep her hands to herself, she physically examined each and every muscle. Surprisingly, he allowed her all the time in the world and stood very, very still watching her curiously and enthralled. Eventually she lost interest in his chest and reached to his neck bring his lips to her's again. She could spend an eternity kissing them. Breathing was difficult. Labored and uneven, when she pressed her lips harder against his. Her hands tangled in his hair, wishing desperately for the strands to become as chaotic as her own insides.

His job was much easier having to only remove one article of clothing from Felicity. In an attempt to present himself as capable and graceful, he continued the kiss while pulling the skirt part of the dress up to her stomach and over her head. Unfortunately one of the decorative buttons got caught on her hair making a very painful yank.

Spock pulled the dress to the side almost pulling her with it. "Oww ow ow ow ow ow."

"I apologize. It was not my intent to pull your hair."

"It's fine. No. Stop. Let me get it." Felicity couldn't quit laughing while untangling the knot of hair and dress out of her head.

"I would not presume this to be a comical situation." It was more of a question than a statement as his quizzical eyes watched confused.

"The ridiculousness of it is." She fumbled with the heavy piece of fabric fighting with it to remove it from her hair. Eventually she did but not without the loss of some lovely strands. "There."

With the dress properly out of the picture, her lingerie could then be surveyed. With no premeditation of sex for the evening, it had been more simple than she would have liked. A navy blue bra with lace, navy panties that had leopard print trim. Cute, but nothing too fancy.

Spock was sure that he was witnessing some of the most risque articles of undergarments on the wonderful planet called Earth. The sight before him was something similar to the visage of a goddess, and absolutely not a Vulcan one, but the fact that the woman before him was his alone caused his pants to constrict tighter around his hips. Damned pants!

"I, uh, I would have put something nicer on for you, if...I had known."

"You have outfits nicer than this?"

Felicity nodded her head coyly as his lips found their home pressed against her own again. He kneeled on the bed too and kissed along her neck. "Show me how to touch you, to please you."

"Take off my bra and underwear." her voice was a bit muffled with her lips brushing his skin.

Underwear was simple; slide them over her legs, but the complexity of removing a bra was a calculation Spock never considered before, and his hands moved to Felicity's back eventually finding a clasp-like apparatus. Detaching the two pieces proved more difficult than finding. She was laughing again, but this time it was at him.

"I'll get it." With a movement quicker than anticipated, the bra was unclasped and being slowly lowered off her chest. Her beautiful chest. It was creamy and lightly peppered with freckles, and her breasts were small, only about the size for a good handful, but perfect. Felicity grabbed Spock's hands and kissed the tips of each finger teasingly while he stared at her breast in awe. She then pressed his palms against her breasts, having to hold them securely at first, because his initial reaction was to pull away.

"It's ok," she laughed. "I want you to touch them." she nipped his ear and whispered, "I want to feel your hands all over my body."

"It would be more efficient if you laid down."

She smiled at his logical dirty-talk. "Would it really?"

"I assume, and this position is causing my knees to ache."

It wasn't dirty talk. There was a feeling that this was going to be a difficult and different night. "You should have told me."

"I just did." he nodded, unbothered.

Felicity huffed, falling back on the mattress, making her breasts bounce excitedly in the process. She would never consider some man who was three times stronger than a human male timid; wary was a more appropriate word to describe his movements as his fingers slid under the fabric of her underwear. The navy lace was pulled tantalizingly slow off her hips and along the lengths of her legs. Thankfully, during Felicity's personal grooming for the day, she had trimmed things up down there, keeping it neat and tidy.

Having her in front of him , completely naked, slightly large thighs barely spread, eyes gentle and curious was a dream come true. Not once did Spock have sexually implicit fantasies about Felicity, in his sleep at least. He could never have conceived of how she may have appeared nude, but with the lightly freckled, pale woman in front of him, he realized the images he may have created would never have been as wonderful as reality. There was so much of interest, it was hard to categorize what he wanted to examine first, or second, or third.

His hands itched to touch her, wanting to enjoy the softness of a female and they slid along her thighs, over her hips, encompassed her waist, skimmed her breasts and lingered on her neck. Spock straddled her body to gain better access and bent over to lovingly kiss her, continuing to find the simple gesture alluring.

Lips tickled their way down her neck, and Felicity felt the full, soft lips of her lover press against the area on her shoulder where her scar was located. She closed her eyes and drew in a sharp breath from the stab of emotion in her chest.

"Felicity." Her name was whispered softly in her ear.

She smiled against his cheek. "Yes?"

Spock moved his head to address her properly. "I was researching flirting techniques in my office one afternoon-"

"Is this going to be a long story?"

"No," he protested, "and it does pertain to our activities this evening. While doing my research, I found information about certain...acts, couples do for each other, and I was wondering if you would like me to perform them on you." He watched her shyly underneath his lashes.

She had to bite her bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud. "Like what?"

It took a few seconds of composure before he could give explanations without wanting to bury himself in a hole. "One such act involves pleasuring you with my mouth while another requires the use of my fingers."

"Do you want to?"

He replied earnestly to her question. "I would not know. I have never attempted them before, but if that is what you prefer, I am willing."

His interest seemed genuine, but Felicity could only imagine what it would be like exposing him to so much sexuality too soon, and while the thought of his mouth assaulting her most intimate areas plagued her mind, she declined gently. "Let's do that another time. I want to savor every second with you and not worry about the more intricate things yet." Pulling him against her chest eased some of the embarrassment from the simple conversation.

The sensation of her soft mounds of breast tissue against his muscles was astounding. Females were so physically different from males, and he could now understand why they were considered irresistible to touch and the gentler sex. Everything about his female was so soft and pleasant, his senses were almost overloaded.

Felicity liked the gentle and affectionate cuddling, truly, but there were more urgent things at hand. She needed him to complete her existence. He gave her reason, he gave her meaning again, and for that, she would forever love him. She needed to fuck him.

But his strong, long legs were still clothed; it was almost a crime really. They should have been freed a long time ago along with another appendage in his lower extremities, and he deserved to feel every bit as uncomfortable and self conscience as her. Hands fumbled with the button and zipper, as she started to laugh at the futile efforts and began tugging on the fabric in vain. It got her point across though, and Spock lifted his gorgeous body off the bed to stand and disrobe.

Unsure of what she was expecting, because in retrospect there's not even a small probability of Jewish Vulcans, Felicity was mildly surprised by the large, uncircumcised penis. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, she'd been with an uncircumcised man before, but unclothing a potential lover for the first time always held surprises.

The hard erection was not as dark as she expected either. His coppery-green blood was more prominent in that particular part of his body than any other place, but it was not similar to how an Orion's cock would look.

Spock shifted his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot as Felicity stared and sized up his pelvis. "Am I not comparable to your expectations?" he asked; every muscle tensed.

As for the size, she knew he would be large, and by no means was it some ridiculous size, but his penis was appropriately in proportion with the rest of his long body. "You're perfect."

He lifted an unbelieving eyebrow at her.

Now, as body parts go, the penis is not the most pleasant. It's large, weirdly shaped, can taste odd on occasion and makes a naked man look silly, and Felicity was not under some misapprehension to be in love with that part of Spock. She was sure his cock, when hard, could do some really great things, but she wasn't about to worship it.

Pulling him closer and teasingly brushing her lips against his, Spock leaned into her body eagerly following the bait, while her sneaky fingers glided along his phallus. He jerked away from her reflexively.

"Relax. It'll feel good."

No one had probably ever touched him there, even his betrothed. She assumed this by his uncertain reactions and attempts at seduction. Reminding herself there was no reason to go overboard tonight, for there would be many yet to come, only her hand explored the softness of his hard penis. Interestingly enough, not feeling obligated to stick the massive thing in her mouth just yet prove for a more enjoyable fondling in which not only Spock but also Felicity was able to enjoy the sensation. Her favorite part was squeezing the member gently and watching all his muscles reflex instantaneously.

Spock was unsure of what to do. He didn't know if he should sit, stand, pleasure Felicity, but he figured she would tell him what she wanted done, and without any commands yet, he was allowed to savor the attention. His penis was acutely aware of her finger tips skating along the length, or how she would massage him between her index and middle fingers, or when she gently cupped the head. Spock's eyes were closed to better the perception. Felicity's arms hooked around his neck slowly pulling him back to the bed, positioning him on top of her again. Trying to return her hands against his silky erection, her wrists were taken captive and held tight next to her head while her predator kissed his way along her body.

She was intoxicated by lust. He held her fancy for so long, causing her dream after dream of sexual frustration. He was there, when no one else would be; not because they didn't care, but because she wouldn't let them in. He was all she wanted, from day one, and nothing would stop her. "I want you now." she complained, breathing in his sensitive ear.

He pressed his forehead to her's and gently nuzzled her face, in pure contentment. "You have me, Felicity."

Untangling her wrists from his grasp, she wrapped her arms around his body and rigorously grinded her hips against his thigh. "Nooo...inside me."

It was not often he felt stupid. This was one of the few times. "Oh." He positioned his hips between her legs but remained still. "Is there not some form of contraception I need to be implicating?" he asked warily.

Felicity shook her head, waiting. "I've already had my birth control shot."

That didn't seem right. "But it is recommended to use two forms of contraception. Your method is not one hundred percent effective."

"I'll risk it." she said through clenched teeth becoming more frustrated by the second.

"I do not want to place you in an undesirable situation."

"The chances of me getting pregnant are statistically miniscule, and the odds are fantastically in my favor. Please just humor me this once!" Her nails were digging into the strong muscles of his back causing him to tense uncomfortably.

All the possible consequences ran fleetingly through his mind while Felicity was surely drawing green blood from his shoulder blades. The possibility of a small, half-Vulcan, half-crazy baby was indeed small, yet present. He decided to take full responsibility for his actions if the most unlikely occurred. "I will take care of you if required."

The statement at any other time or place would have been a big commitment she could have appreciated much more, but right then, it didn't matter. "Ok, ok." She applied a large amount of saliva to her hand, rubbed her swollen opening and applied some of the natural lubrication to his waiting cock.

Using his hand to guide, he started pushing his hips to merge with Felicity's.

Her body tensed, and she pushed against his waist. "Do it slowly."

"Am I hurting you?" he asked concerned.

"It takes a minute for my body to get used to it." She winced as he eased the rest of his length slowly inside.

Her body tightly held his cock, a very different and weird sensation. Spock waited for her to nod before awkwardly pulling out and pushing his hips forward again. Kayaking was the only other time he felt so uncoordinated, but his mere presence seemed to be all Felicity wanted, and so he upped the tempo. The feeling of having her body encompass his was uncomfortable at first, but eventually, the tension began to mount and feel astounding.

After the initial soreness from the unaccustomed stretching, his hard cock slid in and out easily. He wrapped his arms around her upper body and leaned on his elbows to thrust his hips easier into her waiting ones. With his body resting closely on top of her's, Felicity was able to rake her finger nails roughly down his back, feeling the muscles flex under her harsh touch. The extended length of Spock's penis made it possible for him to reach the tender spot in her body that made her toes curl. With that special area getting the attention it needed, the only thing left was her clitoris.

Her hand snaked its way between their bodies and found the small flesh that was connected to all the happiness in the world.

"What are you doing?" He had been taken off guard and stopped.

Spock's constant talking and questioning was done with good intent, she knew, but was grating on her nerves, because she didn't want to have to discuss and explain at this very moment. "Ugh! I'm touching myself."

That much was obvious, he felt like telling her, but now was not the time for pleasant banter, and for once in his life, he judged a social moment correctly. "Yes, but why?"

She wanted to yell at him and say that had been the stupidest question she ever heard, but he wasn't even from her planet, so she had to cut him some slack. "To have an orgasm."

His question irritated her obviously, but her answer proved to resurrect more questions. His simple, biological knowledge of sex was reconsidered, and while knowing he would get yelled at, his curiosity was far too intense to not ask, "Will intercourse not allow you have achieve one?"

Felicity slapped both hands over her face. "I personally can't get one from just intercourse."

"Then how do you climax?"

She pointed animatedly to her hips and then to his. "By doing this while you're doing that, or by oral sex!"

"I offered you oral sex, and you refused." he scoffed.

Laughing was all she could do to keep from asphyxiating him. "Please quit talking."

"As you wish." Spock made a mental note to consult her later regarding this as well, and wrapped his arms around her body resuming his cadence. The tenderness was almost tangible as he tried his best to please her, and she massaged his scalp, neck and back with her nails, pausing every so often to kiss each other passionately.

Her green eyes were clouded with lust and heavy-lidded desire. It had been some time since she had been in a physical relationship, and at that, physical was all it really consisted of. Marovin was nice, but the affection for Spock mixed with the lust for his body and pleasure from sex made their lovemaking much more intimate and intense than what she had become used to. Intense emotionally, just to clarify; the sex they were having at the moment was not as physically demanding as she would have liked, and being Felicity, she made her concerns vocal.

"Harder." she groaned, licking the tip of his ear.

Spock had to initiate a full stop from the gesture, shivering from how sensitive his soft ears were. After regaining control of his nervous system, he remembered she had spoken to him. "Harder?" he asked with uncertainty.

She answered, "YES," whining because he was doing the exact opposite of what she wanted.

"I might hurt you."

All she wanted was a man she could have sex with. Even after all those years, he still apparently wasn't going to give in easily. "You won't."

Her brash desire did not sway him from his devotion to keep her safe. "Felicity, I am much stronger than you, this is a genuine concern."

"Please just do it harder!" Begging was not becoming of Felicity, but her primal needs were in charge, so what was deemed inappropriate didn't matter. Finally consenting, Spock tried his best to monitor his aggressiveness.

Pushing his body up,his hands moved over her shoulders to hold her in position and pumped his hips more aggressively into her squirming body. The sight before him was breathtaking with Felicity writhing and moaning then nails from her left hand digging into his forearm while the right was rubbing her own body. After assessing the true deviance and chaos of sex, he had no qualms following her orders to fuck her harder. Her reaction was enough to wipe away his own apprehension and possibly bring along the release of climax.

But her's came too soon for Spock to start considering his own. It was amazing. Her head snapped back, she grabbed his hips to hold them in place and every appendage curled as a low moan of relief ghosted past her lips; eyes shut tight. And every muscle she flex inside her pelvis was a rude tease to his throbbing cock, but after seeing her in an ultimate state of bliss, he could never conceive of taking away from that pleasure.

It wasn't the most groundbreaking orgasms she ever had. There were all kinds of obstructions between her legs and Spock did not vibrate, but as orgasms went, it had been pretty fantastic. Throughout she constantly imagined the most dirty and undignified things they could do to each other. Felicity had always been more unorthodox in the sense of sex and had images of him shoving his cock down her throat or sharing her with another man, pulling her hair and tying her down to expedite the onset of her climax. Being handled rough was a fantasy, and his increased tempo had driven her over the edge sooner than she had anticipated as her world exploded into thousands of tiny pieces and colors.

Her breathless whimpers and soft mewls along with the satisfied sexuality so evident on her face spurred on his own desire, and after she regained consciousness, Spock began to continue the fast pace. He greedily grabbed her thighs for more control over the physics and momentum of their coitus

Felicity grabbed his forearms and begged him to stop, which frightened him into immobility. He was certain he had hurt her.

"Let's try a different position, one I think you'll like." She pushed her body up and smiled a goofy smile at him. His interest was sparked, and relief washed over him after realizing she was alright that all he could do was nod in return. Clinging to him for a deep passionate kiss, Spock's hands assessed the size and quality of her bottom for the first time. It was hard and fantastically tight with neither of his hands being big enough to hold each check. His favorite part of her body retained its first place rank. He almost protested when she pulled away, ready to argue the need to examine it more thoroughly, but she turned away from him and positioned herself in hands and knees; her backside to him like an offering.

Spock was sure there had to be a higher power somewhere in the universe to allow this to happen to him. The delicate seam between her thighs glistened from their fucking and practically begged him for more. Under different circumstances, say if he had been in his office, and she came to him as she was right then, nothing would have mattered, and he was have ripped off his black uniform to sate the precious, pink flesh in front of him.

To help stabilize, an arm secured her waist as her body was filled again. Even without hope of another orgasm, Felicity almost drowned from the amazing feeling from the position washing over her. Rather than sharing similarities to a canine, the position she took on was more closely related to that of a cat, with her back arching and sensual movements. Her hips were lightly in his grasp, an arm around her waist, and his rhythm was potent, but she wanted it harder still.

Every fraction of an inch glided in and out bringing Felicity down to her elbows gripping the sheets on the bed tightly. It was her favorite position.

She tossed her head back trying to remove the hair from her face, and thought she probably looked very cool and sexy. Reaching behind, she gripped the hand on her hips and sighed. "Faster."

Spock began actually slowing his pace.

Felicity wondered if he had difficulty hearing, or if he really couldn't understand what she wanted. The frustration seemed to never end. "No, Spock. Faster."

"Are you sure?" There was something different, ans she couldn't quite place it. If she had to categorize his voice somehow, she would have thought he had been smiling while asking, but Vulcan's don't smile; not externally. She knew she was being had.

"Why are you being so cruel?"

His hips slowed and eased his cock painfully out of her body. "Is this what you wanted?" One mocking eyebrow raised questioning.

She pushed herself up and tried to turn around to hit him playfully, but strong arms kept her back against his chest. Lips attacked her tender neck again, but the loss of momentum in their hips was heartbreaking. She wanted the tango to resume, the only problem: immobility. His arms were restraints, preventing her from moving period, teasing her senses. While physical overpowering was not a legitimate plan, she opted to play the innocent and cute girl by pouting and whimpering into his kiss.

Concern was evident in his eyes from her fictitious sadness, but when he realized he was being played as well, they narrowed. Felicity giggled, the cutest noise he ever heard, and unhurriedly broke free from his arms to regain her incredibly sexual position; her far too innocent eyes looking into his. Teasing her relentlessly would be a fun pastime with all the hassle she causes him on a daily basis, but his neglected penis had a different agenda, and so Spock entered her tight body again for what he vowed to be the last time for that encounter. His pelvis was starting to ache with soreness.

Occasionally, he would stop or pull out and reenter agonizingly slow frustrating his woman to no end, and strong hands grabbed as much of Felicity's ass as possible, clenching it, adoring the fullness of flesh. It proved to be efficient as well. Being so round and large in comparison to her waist, it was perfect to latch onto as he could feel his body taking control.

In what was to be the most fantastic and neurologically stimulating experience in his life, semen erupted from his cock into Felicity's waiting body. The physical exertion was nothing for his physiology, but his whole body, including his lips, became numb from the overload of serotonin. Also, much to his distaste, his body convulsed a few times, squeezing out the last bit of sperm. Every color in the room appeared shades lighter, and their hues were more vivid than he could ever remember. Following the numbness was a tingling then a wave of satisfied contentment like being on the zenith of Earth itself.

Spock's breathing was uneven but more from the sudden explosion of tactile perception rather than exhaustion, and he began to stir from his sedated coma of sexual acquittal when Felicity yelled at him.

"Wait wait wait!"

He rubbed her back wanting to indulge his senses longer and having the uncanny desire to initiate physical contact. "What is it?"

She looked around the room with the knowledge she would not find what she was looking for. "You didn't by chance bring a towel over here, did you?"

"No. Why?"

"You're going to make a mess." Spock could not think of what she was talking about. He couldn't think period. His mind was fuzzy and in a type of haze that was difficult to penetrate; not nearly as easy as Felicity. It didn't take long though, for him to remember his beautiful climax and the mess that would be associated with it.

While Spock had floating around in his own little world, Felicity had been creating exit strategies. "Ok, how about when you pull out, I'll jump up and run to the bathroom."

He closed his eyes and shook his head in disgust, mainly of himself. "There must be a more dignified way to do this."

"There isn't, and I don't feel like sleeping on a sperm drenched bed tonight. Besides, this is sex, Spock. It's awkward." She had a point, he had to agree.

Felicity pulled away from him,cupped her hand between her legs, rolled off the bed, and...there isn't a proper verb to describe how she got to the bathroom in such a position. At that very moment, Spock wanted nothing more in the universe than to be human so he could laugh, though he was the cause of the repulsive mess.

Following her into the bathroom to clean himself off, he found her finishing washing her hands. Nude and waiting to be ravished was one thing, but a naked Felicity walking around casually was just as sexy if not humorous as well.

Felicity watched him enter the bathroom and considered it weird to see Spock naked at all much less walling around like nothing was amiss.

She dried her hands well before using them to explore more of his back muscles, kissing each one after admiring it. Her hands then went to grab his perfectly round rump. She was scolded and pouted while adjusting the temperature of the shower.

They took a shower together, much to Spock's dismay. He personally did not want Felicity observing his grooming habits first hand immediately after the first time they had sex, but she then argued about the efficiency of sharing a shower, and reluctantly he agreed with her points. It ended up being a very pleasant idea, because she washed his body for him in a most erotic way along with washing her own quite provocatively. Mostly, they just spent the time kissing in the counterfeit rain.

Spock was first to remove himself from the shower, and he found two blue towels, wrapped one around his waist and used the other to bundle Felicity like a burrito. N o literally! He did! Then he picked her up in his arms, she was cussing at him profusely, and carried her into the bedroom.

Resting her gently on the bed, he climbed on top so she couldn't move. She desperately tried to struggle, but he serenely kissed every part of her face, holding her captive. "Promise me that you'll never leave again."

"I can't!" she protested.

The playful nature left, and Spock's face turned grim. "I am quite serious, Felicity."

Nodding in concurrence, she agreed. "If I go anywhere, you're coming with me."

"Agreed." He had secured Felicity's attentions with his lack of celibacy, but since she was now his without a doubt, after he had expressed to her how much he cared through the act of sex, he was certain she would not request it again.

Allowing her to unravel, Spock offered Felicity one of his black shirts to sleep in, which she accepted, preferring to sleep in a shirt and underwear. He wore his typical black pajama pants and long sleeve shirt. Whenever she was over, the temperature was always set much lower than what he liked, but he could always put more clothes on.

He rested an arm along her waist. She complained about not being able to sleep with him so close, because she got too hot and it was uncomfortable. Both ended up sleeping on opposite ends of the bed content and happy.

Until they had to wake up for work the next morning.

**************************************************************

Spock was surprised he had slept through the night until he had to ready himself for class. Usually he rose hours early to meditate and read, but as became his typical over the past few hours, his body had a different idea.

He actually rose to the sound of Felicity's alarm, and thankfully she had to wake up earlier than he did. Imagining the embarrassment of being late was awful enough. She had cursed thoroughly at the object amusing him and flipped over to snuggle together. Eventually, with much persuasion on his part to convince Felicity she had to go to work, they got out of bed. Still donning his black shirt, he thought she looked more charming that morning than she had the night before.

Othello did not talk to his dad all morning and refused to eat when his mom filled his food dish. He sat along the side of the wall refusing to acknowledge either one of them, and when his dad came by to pet him, he ran away into the study. Spock felt guilty for kicking the little panther out the night before, but had certain priorities.

What was different about his day of class was that he reconnected with his two other friends; Nyota and Oona. A very peculiar day for them to come out of hibernation. Nyota wanted him to go out with her and Gaila again, to which he declined reminding her about Felicity returning. She reacted with complete astonishment, and Spock realized exactly how long it had been since he had seen Nyota. She never knew about Felicity. So he had to explain the whole story, maybe not the whole story and definitely not the part about them having a wonderful interaction of coitus with one another.

Oona had news about the computer simulation test he was supposed to design and wanted to ask him about how he was coping with his friends' deaths and about Felicity. Spock answered all questions appropriately and effectively, but in one instance, Oona asked if he was stoned, whatever that meant. She said he seemed far too relaxed to be his usual self, which also did not make sense.

His mother had contacted him throughout the course of his day informing him that her and his father were having lunch with Felicity's parents at her apartment, perhaps also visit for a little while afterward. She requested for him to stop by after work and said she sent a similar message to Felicity.

Hour after hour passed by, and could hardly feel times passage. Thoughts were consumed by immaculate images of Felicity; beautiful and loving, and he waited the whole day, second after second to see her again. What was even more impressive was how both their families decided to convene without any outside influence. His parents liked Felicity and her family, and to him the approval was worth more than gold had been centuries ago on Earth.

After every paper was graded, after every single minute of office time was completed, Spock shot out of the physics building toward the apartment. He was greeted by Erica who allowed him into the cozy home. It wasn't the first time he had been there since Felicity moved in, but he felt like he was truly seeing it for the first time. Vivid, red walls with white molding and trim, her cinnamon-colored couch still going strong with the two mothers sitting together talking on it. No separate dining area but a small, mahogany table located off to the side nonetheless with Michael and Sarek talking, Michael having a glass of whiskey in hand. Every wall was decorated profusely with the wonderful paintings Felicity painted over the years, each as colorful and interesting as the next. Spock sat with Erica at the table where their fathers sat and enjoyed a relaxing cup of tea.

Felicity wanted nothing more than to sleep in. She asked for so little in life, why couldn't she have this one little indulgence? No, she knew better than that, because she got off the hook countless times over the course of her scandalous little life, and even if she did stay home, Spock would not play hookey with her, which made the purpose null.

Speaking of the star of her fantasies, he was the most adorable thing she had ever seen with the lingering effect of sleep still draped over him. She had never seen him in such a state, that all she wanted to do was admire his puppy-like lack of coordination the whole time they got ready.

How events transpired over the day at work, she felt like she had made a mistake by not calling out. Her first investigation was regarding a triple homicide and double suicide. The religious hall where the horrendous event took place was soaked in blood, and many of the investigators had to step outside to vomit, but not Felicity. She had become desensitized, as much as possible, to similar situations. The part of her day really worthwhile was when her communicator fell out of her jacket pocket and landed in a massive pool of blood. She decided to buy a new one later.

It was the most intensive and thorough investigation she was part of since accepting the job, and even ended up staying late, working on the case until seven o' clock, when she dragged her dead body out of the agency's building and started en route home. While walking home, she thought about the previous evening and how wonderful it had been. They were secure together and happy, surely it would last-

Felicity walked into a lamppost.

By the time she got home, she was exhausted, dirty and hungry. Her communicator was gone and her personal PADD was left at Spock's apartment, which she would have loved to go over and get while getting some sex in the process, but her body was far too gone, and she needed to see her parents.

Opening the door to her mecca of relaxation revealed a full blown party of people, far too many for her taste at the moment wanting to pass out the the carpet at her doorway, and she probably could have without offending anyone, but she worried about what Sarek would think of her after such an episode. It was such a pity really, because rather than finding the congregation sweet and pleasant, they instead were all imposing in her ability to sleep, even Spock.

"Hey kid!" Michael called from his spot on one of her dining chairs.

"Hey pops." she muttered unenthusiastically. Joanne came up to her youngest daughter, hugged and pet her head as Felicity started to fall asleep standing in her mother's arms. Amanda moved and guided the young brunette to sit on the couch.

"I expect your work was cumbersome today?" Sarek's fingers were steepled together contemplatively. Her vocation was not the most interesting to him, since it was centered around wrong-doing, but his unnatural interest in all things human drew his attention to Felicity.

"You don't even want to know." Closing her eyes and leaning her head against the wonderfully comfortable couch, Felicity wished for peace, sleep and less company. As she made this wish, Spock sat on the cushion next to her.

He lightly touched her hand and spoke soft and gently to her. "Are you alright?"

"Triple homicide, and I dropped my communicator in the blood." she replied sad and weary.

Never wanting his woman to be with depleted spirits, Spock tried to remedy her problems as best he knew. "I will get you another one."

Felicity smiled and wove her fingers with his. Overwhelmed by the sense of family and security he felt, Spock slouched against the back of the couch and absentmindedly rubbed the fingers in his hands.

Amanda Grayson was not stupid by any means. Quite the contrary, she was very wise and savvy, and seeing her relaxed son in a dazed-like state, she knew without a doubt that Felicity was not delivered to her home last night. She watched them with Joanne; both women not needing to speak a word to the other to convey conceptions. Mothers know everything, and they were no exception.

Spock caught his mother's savvy eye before she turned away and began a conversation with Erica. The wise, knowledgeable gleam unnerved him, and a studious expression graced his gorgeous features, as he quietly addressed Felicity. "It is my assumption-"

"They know we fucked." A mischievous grin spread across her face.

Nodding and resting back against the couch, Spock agreed. "They know."


	21. Regeneration

Five months after she returned to Earth, Felicity stood in her small kitchen in the lonesome one bedroom apartment she called home. Numerous pots were filled with food, sausages, eggs, and ham all cooking to make her favorite Polish meal. A smaller pot was off to the side and contained a beat soup for her handsome vegetarian who should be arriving from his last day of work for the semester. Not that they would be able to spend the summer entirely in each other's company, since Spock would be teaching throughout. Damned man.

A small, black quadruped roamed the halls sad from being kicked out of the kitchen. Othello liked staying with his mom, since she had more time during her days to play with him than his dad, and she kept the house at a much cooler and comfortable temperature. He also loved when his mamma would lay him on his back and kiss his belly softly and playfully. That was the best. Ohhhhh, that was the best. Merely thinking about it made him have to lay down and sigh.

Felicity was dressed in a apron...negligee. The front of the outfit was creamy and lace with a light blue bow to tie around her waist. A bra was the majority of the upper part connecting to the lower part which was a small piece of fabric covering her hips with two pockets big enough to be good for absolutely nothing. The back was non-existent. It was new, and she wanted to show it off to her lover. Celebrating the end of the semester seemed a good enough excuse for her ensemble and culinary efforts, when in actuality she wanted yummy food and loved to be devious with sex.

It was so much fun fucking a Vulcan, because the smallest thing could cause Spock to turn away from her self consciously and make his blood boil at the same time. He reminded her of the English men she used to know back in the old country.

Spock had taken some time for him to get used to sex, especially on a regular basis and by no means did Felicity want to scare him away, so she postponed introducing oral sex for a while. At first, Spock refused to have sex more than once every few weeks with the argument that it was unnecessary, but her sexuality wore on his patience and resolve. She had not yet conquered him in his office, but almost every surface of both apartments had been christened, save for her living room floor. Unsure why an obvious place had been neglected, Felicity planned to remedy the situation within the hour, if he remained timely.

Felicity often sounded like an air traffic controller during their oral escapades commanding him to the left or further to the right. There had been a glisten of hope, small in size, but present that Spock being of a more thorough and conscious species, he would be amazing at oral sex. That hope continued to flicker, but it had taken him a lot of practice to be up to Felicity's standard she set for him, not to mention he would constantly stop and question her about his technique which was the biggest tease. When she first introduced him to the act, Spock considered it plausible to replace full intercourse with simple oral please to sate her desires. How wrong he was, because she only wanted more of everything. He actually considered her quite greedy in that respect but withheld nothing.

What was also interesting about their oral osculation was disproportionate liking he had for performing it and the uncomfortable reluctance for receiving. The first time Felicity ever kneeled in front of him, he had unconsciously backed away from her. Persuasion was necessary for him to allow her to put her mouth around his penis. In his defense, he considered it degrading for the female, but when she questioned him why he did not consider himself degraded, Spock had no answer. If she ever wished to suck on him, not being every day because it's not the most glamorous thing to do, he allowed her but imposed a time limit and refused to watch.

Felicity was not partial to staring into a person's face during oral sex either, but watching the sexual pleasure mixed with the extreme discomfort on Spock's face was not an image she wanted to miss. It was truly almost laughable, if her mouth wasn't preoccupied.

One of her favorite tricks was to initiate the mental connection they shared. Not being of Vulcan descent prevented Felicity from properly controlling emotions and thoughts that were transferred to Spock. He on the other hand was able to speak in almost inaudible words to her and present his emotions vividly. The emotions were used much more often, since Felicity had trouble understanding words and sentences he conveyed over longer distances than the length of a room, but she had reined in the ability to try and present images and other more vague thoughts to him.

During many occasions when there were no scenes to investigate at work, and Felicity knew Spock was in the middle of a lecture, she would concentrate as hard as possible to focus on an incredibly naughty image of them in the throes of passion or in a very inappropriate sexual position, one of which was her being bent over the desk in the classroom he was presently lecturing in. Soon after she began concentrating on the risque image, she would feel his embarrassment and intense irritation thoroughly amusing herself for the day. When he came home to her those evenings, she would be lectured about how unnecessary and erroneous her actions were, by interrupting him in class. She could have cared less and continued. _I haven't done that lately. Hmmmm...no, he should be well on his way home by now._

Turning off all the burners, Felicity moved swiftly into the living room and grabbed the lonesome kitty to cradle him in her arms like a child and rock him back and forth while she hummed. His paws were suspended in the air as his mother serenaded him.

Othello wished for a best friend whom he could have around to keep him company. His mom and dad were the best, but they were always were busy jamming their fingers on the boxes with bright windows or petting each other to spend all their time with him.

"Mow. Maahhh meop." _Mom. I want a friend._

She recognized 'mom' but didn't understand a noise after. During those moments, Felicity found it was best to coo at him and show him plenty of affection, and usually he forgot what he was trying to say. "Baby." She positioned him so they were face to face and kissed the top of his head. Othello gave his mom lots and lots of kisses on her nose, which was wrinkled from his stinky breath.

She looked at the chronometer on her wall; it was five minutes past five. Spock would be arriving soon, and so she scooted Othello into her room and shut the door so he couldn't interrupt, but she felt horrible as he started to cry after her through the door. They always neglected little Othello when sex was on the itinerary.

Making sure the food was safe and in order, Felicity sat on her cinnamon colored couch, waiting eagerly. Her eyes flashed to the chronometer every few seconds, frustrating her that time couldn't pass faster. Self consciously, she straightened out the outfit and combed her fingers through her brown hair. Looking up at the time, it was only six after. Then the thought struck her in the face harder than anticipated. What if Oona discovered him before he was able to leave the office? He would be gone for another hour or two! Panic began to set in as the lock on her door clicked open.

Not all of Spock's body was entirely through the door before Felicity became attached to it, for all intensive purposes naked, and tried with all her might to fabricate the same situation for him by quickly finding the zipper to his uniform.

"Felicity! Please. I have only just arrived."

"I know. I've been waiting all day for you." Her mouth kissed any bit of his skin uncovered.

Desperately trying to set his effects down without spilling the entire contents, Spock's disappoint was served as he lost control of his bag, dropping everything on the floor. Without being able to turn his neck away from Felicity, he was unable to assess the disaster. When she was in the present mood state, nothing else mattered, so it was best to clean up later.

"Let's at least move into the room."

"I can't make it that far." It was probably an honest statement.

The black, uniform jacket found a new home unceremoniously on the floor, and not much later black slacks accompanied it. She monopolized his body finding an appropriate place in the middle of her living room for it to be laid down, and straddled him pretending that he couldn't pick her up with one hand and she held him captive. Like a pirate. Probably some female, Klingon pirate by how she was acting. Using both hand to arrest his face, Felicity rested her body on his, her insides calming from the smugness of triumph, and kissed him with all the desire that had been building up over the course of the day. Her tongue slipped into his mouth, and Spock immediately tried to pull away, not able to do so which laying on the floor, and then pushed her slightly away. Another preference he had were chaste kisses. Not in the sense of being short and lifeless, but Felicity eating the inside of his mouth was far too wet and obnoxious.

In response, she kissed down his jawline to nibble softly on his ears. Her arousal was always maximized by the sight or thought of his ears. It could be a supposed fetish, she assumed. Hands roamed his body none too gently and squeezing the muscles in his chest appreciatively.

"I missed you." she breathed in his ear.

Spock said nothing in response, being that he was often reprimanded for talking too much during their sexual encounters and instead opted for seizing handfuls of her ass.

Felicity postponed her invasion to look at him directly. "Do you like my outfit?" Her eyes twinkled, and an adorable smile played on her lips.

"Half of it is missing." His own face was severe, but blank as usual, with his human eyes reflecting the impish look of his woman.

"I thought you'd like that part."

"It does allow me a considerable view of the most intriguing aspect of your body, but in this position I cannot appraise the back."

"I'm not moving." she said giggling. Felicity sat up and unclasped the bra part of her lingerie, while Spock untied the bow, running the soft satin over his fingers. The shame about sexually designed outfits is the small amount of time they are enjoyed before removal. Multitasking as her senses were dazed by his rough handling of her breasts, Felicity made sure to wear the sheer suggestion of an apron when doing housework. She may even don some high heels.

Bending a knee so she would have something to lean back on, Spock indulged his more salacious desires by letting his eyes sear the image of her soft body straddling his torso, hands ravaging her. It was often difficult to keep some semblance around her, because he enjoyed the togetherness without sex, but that was something Felicity could not live without, and so with reluctance he allowed himself to be dominated by her lust. The hard part was feeling her copious desire threaded with his own physical appreciation of her beautiful body. In many instances, he knew she considered him a prude, but never once during their love making did he ever keep his hands off her, occasionally touching her so pathetic and needy that she woke the next morning with bruises on her arms. Felicity could have cared less about the contusions, but he felt so much guilt for causing them.

Maneuvering him inside, she braced herself against his chest and found a tempo they both enjoyed. Sitting on top was not her favorite position, she often got sweaty with a lot of physical exertion, and if a bead of sweat landed on Spock, she felt far too embarrassed. He could not have minded any less and particularly adored the view of her body, and the way she arched her back pressing her breasts closer to him. This evening, Felicity's idea to finally fuck on the living room floor was becoming a bad one, as her knees and the tops of her feet started to get raw from the rug burn. Noticing her discomfort, Spock held securely to her hips and asked, "Would you like to move to another location, Felicity?"

She leaned over and kissed him passionately. By her standards, sex had to be completed in an area for that room to count. "No. I want you right here."

He found her assertion a bit false but allowed her whatever she wanted.

Felicity ground her hips to his, her fingernails raking down the muscles on his chest. On second consideration, the position was perfect for her to admire his gorgeous, lean body and the pale yellow, porcelain skin. The most intriguing part was his chaotic hair no longer a symmetrical line across his forehead. When his hair was in disarray, was when he looked the most stunning and erotic.

Feeling the sweat culminating at their hips, Felicity adjusted to cool herself down. When she looked to her right, she noticed something odd, very odd. Blood was smeared on the carpet. She leaped away from Spock and sprinted to the bathroom to get a towel leaving a dumbfounded Vulcan on her living room floor.

"Where did you go?" Worry invaded his senses, as he contemplated all the awful possibilities of why she ran away, the worst being him disgusting her somehow.

She hurried out, small breasts bouncing along the way, with a wet washcloth. "I was bleeding on the floor! See!"

"How did that happen?"

Pointing to the top of her right foot, a small abrasion was near her big toe; a layer of skin rubbed away by the carpet. Spock left her scrubbing the floor to get some band aids and first aid cream. His amazement at their lack of proficient sex caused him to shake his head while readying the bandages. Felicity hobbled back to him with bright pink knees. "This sucks."

He sat her on the edge of the bed and knelt to tend to her foot. "I will care for you, Felicity, do not worry."

"I'm not. I'm disappointed." she huffed.

"We have plenty more chances to have sexual intercourse."

The proposition intrigued her. "Tonight?"

He pressed his lips to the sore, pink area on her knees. "I was not referring to this evening, but it is a possibility."

Deliberately spreading her legs in front of him, she smile good-naturally. "I could think of a few less hazardous positions."

She is such a little minx. Remaining kneeled, Spock kissed along the inside of her leg along and up her thigh. "Enlighten me."

A vacant chair was the scene of their next endeavor with Felicity again sitting in Spock's lap. She enjoyed the room for her legs to stretch out and how much more of his body touched her. Unfortunately the chair was from the small desk in her room. The living room would have to wait for another day. The disappointment from the earlier interruption caused them both to be more gentle, and they took their time enjoying the sensations of the not before executed position.

After they were done, a shower was in order followed by Spock rearranging all the things strewn on the living room floor. When Felicity had opened the door to get a towel for her mess, Othello bolted out of the bedroom, and ran under the couch mad at his parents. He remained there, and scooted up against the wall refusing to let his dad get him.

As was usual, Spock showered with Felicity finding it one of the more intimate moments they shared together. She thought he was bothersome and loved the times when she was able to bathe alone. His stature was so tall, and his limbs so long, he always ended up in her way somehow. When they were done, he always scouted out the clean towels and wrapped her in them.

Felicity stood in the bathroom with a large, white towel around her body and a particularly doting Vulcan kissing her neck. "Why don't you ever let me shower by myself?"

"To conserve water." He nuzzled the softness of her ear and weaved his fingers with hers.

"I don't believe you, and you could let me get situated on my own, you know. I remember you weren't too fond of taking a shower together. Now I can't get you away from me." She swatted his hands away teasingly.

Spock looked at her in the mirror. "I care about you, Felicity."

She smiled and snuggled alongside his lean body. Her fingers twirled some of the dark chest hair and she commented, "You should call me by a pet name."

The first things that came to his mind were various common names people gave their pets. He couldn't understand why she would want him to call her 'Spot', or 'Dusty' or even 'Othello'. "A what?"

"You know, like 'sweetie', or 'babe', or 'sweetheart', or 'darling', 'honey muffin', 'banana head', something cool so it's not always boring 'Felicity'."

"I do not see the significance of labeling you with an ambiguous title."

"I am aware those names sound silly and possibly stupid, by the purpose of them is to acquire a more intimate basis in conversation with each other. By calling me 'darling' rather than 'Felicity', I get the perception you are in a more gently inclined mood and wish to be more affectionate."

"You are also very well aware I do not have any desire to be overly intimate in public. While I have no qualms with small gestures such as holding your hand or your hand tucked in my arms, how you occasionally fix my hair or touch my arm, assigning you a pet name, as you call it, seems overzealous."

As usual, his logic began to frustrate her. "You don't have to do it in public. It could be only when we're at home together."

"If I must."

"I'm not going to force you, Spock. It would simply be nice to have you more tender."

It was her main complaint; it had been and continued to be, and Spock always made a conscious effort to be loving with her, but he was uncomfortable with overstimulated affection. "Considering the significant change between how we used to interact compared to how we now interact, I thought I was being more than adequately affectionate."

Felicity grew tired of arguing and gave him a small smile. "Just call me 'darling', alright?"

He embraced and nuzzled her. "Knowing I have no other choice than to abide by your rules, I will acquiesce."

****************************************************************

Spock watched with much amusement as Othello tried to sleep. The small, black body was curled up in a corner of his office with his tail wrapped around his body. When Othello would started to drift off, his tail thumped subconsciously and unintentionally tickle his nose, which would then wake him up with a start as he looked around at what dastardly plans were afoot. Eventually he would fall asleep again and wake himself up not much later ready for action. Spock watched him for a full seventeen minutes before being interrupted by Nyota walking into his office.

It had taken some time to become used to her presence again. The first few awkward conversations they had after Felicity returned made his presume she still wanted a relationship, but Nyota did not act on his theory, and after a few weeks, their previous arrangement as friends returned. Felicity would occasionally speak to the Batu woman on more friendly terms, but never once did Spock relay any information about what transpired between them to his woman. The past was considered behind them, and having her not trust Nyota would have created massive complications against the harmony of his scholastic career.

"What have you been up to today?"

"Designing the program for this simulated test...and observing Othello." He felt obligated by a strange sense of guilt to add the second part.

"He's a good boy." Nyota looked over her shoulder at the now fully awake, happy kitty. He flipped his tail around a bit at the recognition. "How's the program coming along?"

Spock indicated to his computer. "I have almost completed the software, have to observe a number of trials to assess possible errors and will then be finished. How are your studies progressing?"

"Good, I guess. I wish I could have a normal person for the head of my department like you have Commander Hunger, or even Admiral Loring who Felicity was always able to talk to about security matters."

The secret amusement from not being required to take too many communications classes was overwhelming when hearing the horror stories from students about one of his good friends. "Professor Omnowa has a strong capability to accomplish what her students require."

"Anytime I have even the smallest of questions to ask her, I end up in her office for two hours. That's where I just came from, and I got out of class little over two hours ago, seriously."

"Be thankful she doesn't seek you out in the peace of your own office." he said pointedly.

Nyota shook her head and rolled her eyes. The thought of Oona coming to her dorm seeking her out was truly scary. "This is true. How are things with Felicity?"

"Not much has changed over the past few months."

"Are you moving in together?" She wagged her black eyebrows at him.

"Not any time in the foreseeable future. She does not want to live together."

"That's disappointing."

"Her reasoning is she would eventually murder me if we spent more time together." Looking like he was considering her words at that very second, he also added, "I agreed eventually, stating I may kill her conjointly." Nyota laughed well aware of how often Spock and Felicity bickered. He often had unique stories to tell her about the random arguments they had.

As the two were sitting very companionably, Oona burst into Spock's office, her usual, feisty way, and scared the metaphorical pants off Othello making him run behind his dad's desk to hide. Nyota immediately stood, cursing her luck in life.

"Thank you for your help, commander. I will certainly consider the options you gave me." Spock nodded with the corners of his mouth curving to an almost invisible smile.

"Miss Uhura! I'm sorry for interrupting your conversation. Please continue, and I'll wait off the the side to talk to the good commander."

Nyota shook her head vigorously. "We're done, thank you."

Leaning forward against his desk, he folded his hands neatly in front of him and addressed Nyota with amusement behind his dark eyes. "Not necessarily, Miss Uhura. There are a number of matters I would like to discuss with you, and Professor Omnowa may have some considerably valuable input."

Nyota's eyes narrowed staring into the blank face of Spock. "I really need to get back to my dorm and finish a paper, so if you'll excuse me." She turned on a dime and strode purposefully away from the office.

Able to give Oona his undivided attention, he was blown away by the absurdity of her earrings, unable to keep his eyes off the battery-powered, color-changing dolphins connected to her ears. Not only did they change colors, but in order to hold the small batteries they were huge. Typically he allowed the older woman her fun without question, but these earrings were far too tasteless even for her.

"Oona, why did you decided to buy those earrings?" he asked disappointed with the choice.

"Because they light up! Isn't that the coolest?" She flicked an earring back and forth, for what reason, he was unaware.

"No."

"Well, it's also difficult to find new dolphin earrings, much less interesting ones." He wondered, for the seventy-sixth time since knowing her exactly how many pairs of dolphin earrings she had. He counted the different pairs he remembered in his mind while she rustled around in a bag, and soon pulled out a blue stuffed puppy offering it to Spock. "Here! I got this for Othello. It's name is 'Piddles'."

It almost appeared that Oona may have been trying to get some emotional reaction from Spock that day with all the ridiculous concepts of her person. Without reaching for the toy, Spock stared at her with his mouth open. "Piddles?"

"Damn right. Pretty cute isn't he?"

The toy was a pale blue with darker ears and a spot in it's back. Four legs dangled from the stuffed body, and it's face had a black button for a nose, a thread stitched mouth and black, felt eyes. "Cute is not the adjective I would have chosen."

"It's great, I know. I think he'll like it." Her mood was never dampened by Spock's reserved, and Oona hugged the little toy before setting it on his desk to look in her bag again.

He picked it up to observe it more closely. "Do you sincerely think he will approve of this?"

"It's a plushie! All pets love plushies! Piddles will be like his little baby."

Spock shook his head. "Except Othello is a black tabby and Piddles is a stuffed, blue dog."

"Othello is your baby, and you're neither black nor a cat."

"Everyone seems to be under the impression Othello is my adoptive son." The comment was more to himself than to Oona.

"Who else said Othello was your baby?"

 _Felicity always does, but she wasn't the first._ "...Terrence." he answered quietly.

Oona smiled dotingly at her Vulcan friend. Five months was not long enough to mend his green heart, and she felt so sorry for him and all the communication students she had taught who were on that ship. "He was a smart man. You do love the animal. Hell, you bring him to your work office!"

"You gave me the means to do so, therefore I do not believe you have the right to patronize me about such matters." Spock protested.

"You're right."

One pointed eyebrow raised to the ceiling. "How difficult was that for you to admit?"

"I considered cutting my tongue out but decided to be less bloody. Where'd Othello go?" Snatching the puppy from Spock, she skulked around the room for her prey.

"I doubt he wants to have any contact with you right now. You always scare him when you visit."

"Nonsense!" Oona spotted Othello as he stalked from behind his dad's desk, yawning. "There you are, little one! I got this for you. His name is Piddles." Lowering the blue puppy in her hand to where Othello could sniff and observe it, she was delighted as he cautiously scrutinized the stuffed animal then with a flash grabbed Piddles with his teeth and ran back behind his dad's desk. "Told you he'd like Piddles."

"It is more likely he didn't want you to reprimand him for not taking the toy."

The Tahitian ignored him and sat in a chair across his desk. "Oh! Oh! You haven't heard my latest bingo story! You know the one old wench I always tell you about, Edna? She hosted the bridge tournament I went to and made some rule about players not being able to win multiple times in a row, because I was conquering game after game. I swear that wrinkled concubine just didn't want me to keep winning, and she was so rude about the whole thing too. Well anyway, she had the audacity to call 'bingo' when I won-"

"Isn't she supposed to if she wins as well?"

"The hag is always trying to undermine me though, and I tell you when I called out 'bingo', I called it out much, much louder than her, and do you know who they chose as the winner?"

"I could only guess." There were so many potentially progressive things he could have been doing with his time, but no, he was subjected to Oona's bingo stories.

"That bitch, Edna."

"How thrilling of a story."

"You should go with me sometime."

"Nothing about the game bingo intrigues me, Oona. I refuse to go."

"But you never play music with me anymore since Felicity came back."

"My schedule has not allowed me the leisure time."

Rolling her eyes at him, she was a mom and knew exactly what that required biologically. Some things took precedence over music. "Oh sure. Well then let's jam this weekend. Or better yet, we could go surfing! It's going to be fabulous weather, and I never have anyone to go with."

While not knowing the sport, he was hesitant with any of Oona's ideas. "What would that entail?"

"Us getting boards and going out to the beach-"

"No."

"Quit being so unyielding! No wonder why Felicity is always frustrated with you, my goodness! You refuse to try anything you think you won't like and you're as stubborn as a mule."

Spock wasn't sure how exactly a mule was stubborn, but his slight, Vulcan temper flared at the accusation. "That woman has the very same disposition, and she knows that I do not care for the water, and upon further consideration you should too considering your knowledge of my species."

"'That woman'?! I'm telling Felicity you called her that!" Oona's demeanor took on a more childish tone.

"Tell her." Spock replied just as callowly.

"Oh, I will, and then I'll tell her about us all going surfing, and then she'll end up talking you into going, because whatever she says is law in your little world."

He stuck his chest out subconsciously. "Not necessarily."

"It's how the universe works, dear. All women control their men, but you all simply do not realize it."

Sighing, he looked at his hands in defeat. "No, we realize, we're just powerless to stop it." Oona beamed at him with delight, her face becoming as bright as her light-up earrings. "I will consult Felicity on the matter and inform you of our decision."

"Of her decision." she corrected.

"At least let me pretend I have the semblance of control in our relationship." She giggled to herself and patted him on the head, humming a tuneless song as she left.

 _My friends are all so peculiar._ Spock decided to pack his things and leave the office. He zipped Othello and Piddles securely in the black carrier and filled his satchel with PADDs for grading. No quality amount of work was going to be completed that day.

***************************************************************

Felicity was more than excited about their adventure. It had been years since she had gone surfing, the very long years after leaving the east coast of America to relocate to San Francisco. The sport was a favorite pastime, and the prospect of revisiting the water made her giddy, running out to acquire a new swimsuit after Spock consulted her about going. The suit was navy blue and securely snug around areas she did not want it to leave from.

Music was playing in her bedroom as she danced around while getting ready. "I can't believe Oona wants to go surfing. How old is she?"

"We could cut her in half and count her rings." Spock replied very displeased with his lot in life at the moment.

Felicity, in a nurturing mood that day, nuzzled her man, wrapping her arms around his body. "My love, you don't have to go. I would like you to, so you could experience how fun surfing is, and leaving me alone with crazy Oona would be mean, but I'm not going to make you come. I know how much you don't like the water, and it's going to be cold." It was her best weapon. Guilt. He knew. He knew exactly what she was doing, even if Felicity did not, he knew giving him the option made her appear more giving and thoughtful, and it fucking worked too.

"Of course I will go with you." he said in defeat.

"We'll have to get you a wetsuit, so you're not too cold." True concern showed on her face, because she did love him, but it made Spock reconsider if she had been consciously manipulating him. The only redeeming quality about the many water activities Felicity always loved was her near-nakedness; her bottom tightly secured in the navy fabric maintained his attention until it was no longer in sight.

"I know you were staring at my ass!" she yelled at him from the other room.

"You have no evidence to support your theory." His face was far too blank and innocent.

Felicity ran back to him. "Eyewitness account. Myself and Othello saw you do it."

"Othello cannot verbalize his testimony and would be deemed useless for a trial, and being a proper and highly skilled investigator, I was under the impression you were well aware that eyewitness accounts are the least accurate form of evidence and are often incorrect, darling."

Felicity shrugged. "I was hoping you didn't know."

"I take a great deal of interest in your form of work."

"We could have sex before we go." she suggested.

"We do not have time."

"We would if you did it right." The nearly noticeable narrowing of his eyes made her realize she had insulted him on a wrong and touchy subject. A joke was all the remark was, but time after time Spock would inquire sincerely about his adequacy as a lover, like anyone else would, and not pleasing his woman was a real concern, even for a Vulcan. "I'm just kidding. You do it great. I love it."

She hugged him hard loving the feel of being encompassed by his strong arms. Her lips were captured in a slow kiss as large hands rubbed her back, slowly inching down her waist to inspect her bottom. "You're the biggest scoundrel I've ever met."

Just as quickly as they found their way to her bottom, Spock's hands were gone. "I sincerely doubt that's true." To silence her, as he often had to, another kiss was awarded.

"You're also getting kinda greedy with your kisses."

An idea was sparked in the recesses of his mind while looking into his woman's beautiful, green eyes, an idea, if executed well, could save him a massive amount of torment. "Felicity, we...darling, we could always stay here and make love, or have sex, copulate, which title do you prefer?" Immediately after the words left his mouth, he wanted to destroy the overbearing curiosity for ruining his suavity.

"Don't use copulate, and are you trying to bribe me with a proposition?"

"Possibly."

"Let's go. Oona's more than likely waiting for us by now."

Othello watched with Piddles sitting next to him as his mom glided out the door and his dad followed involuntarily. Hoping they had fun doing whatever they do when they leave, he also wanted them to return soon, because he Piddles would be getting hungry.

A public transporter bus was taken to the beach, and the young couple arrived to find Oona no where in sight. Felicity pestered Spock to contact her to confirm she was alright. Replying that getting ready took her longer than expected, they decided to spend time lingering on the boardwalk while waiting. Sitting on the wooden railing, Felicity was trying to teach Spock the dynamics of Rock, Paper, Scissors, when Oona came in specialized transportation due to the massive amount of plexiglass in tow.

Small, unimposing silver dolphin studs were bolted to her ears.

"Do you approve of my earrings today, Spock?" she asked, greeting them.

"Very much." He nodded once at her.

Felicity shoved his shoulder. "You yelled at Oona because of her earrings?"

"You should have seen them." His face was indifferent, but he touched her fingers gently before leaving her to help his older friend.

Oona brought all the boards and was prepared with a seven foot, learning board for Spock, a shorter six foot fish for the more experienced Felicity and a eleven foot long board for herself. Spock had the privilege of carrying them all.

The pacific ocean was fairly cold, even during the summer months, and so Felicity brought Spock a wetsuit to help keep him warm. She on the other hand hated paddling in one, because there was too much extra resistance, and she had not surfed in an extremely long time, wearing herself out was a concern. All that was worn was her bikini and a long sleeve rash guard. Her Vulcan gentleman commented about the impropriety of being seen so scantily clad in public, but she ignored him and started to wax her board.

The boards Oona brought along were new and had not previously existing wax on them, so Felicity opened two bars of wax the fully coat her board.

She had been grinding the bars against the board for nearly fifteen minutes when Spock came to check on her status. "Why are you taking so long?"

"I'm waxing my board."

Checking out the massive amount of wax cemented over the lower two thirds and running along the rails, it looked fine. "There is more than an acceptable amount of wax to ensure it does the desired purpose."

"Quit lecturing me about my sport."

Spock clasped his hands behind his back. "Is trying to coat the board perfectly another compulsion you may have?"

Felicity threw down her piece of wax, but not too hard so it didn't bounce into the sand; it would be deemed useless then. She complained to him shaking her finger the whole time. "And don't patronize me either. Have Oona show you how this is done, and let me wax my board as perfectly as I want."

"I'll leave you two alone then." Walking away, he could hear her mutter a word similar to "Bastard" but did not press the matter.

When Oona took her clothes off, both Spock and Felicity stared at her. She wore a bright, flowery one-piece, wanting to cover her generous middle due to the stoutness of her ancestry, but her arms were similar to condoms stuffed with walnuts. The Tahitian-born woman looked like she could have arm wrestled Spock and won.

"Oona, what the hell is going on with your arms? You look like a chubby body builder."

"I come out here by myself a lot on my days off, and My husband, son and I used to surf for hours everyday before I moved here. My arms never wasted away, I suppose. Oh, I also do lift weights every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday with my sixty-year-old friend, Doris." She gathered the curly black and white hair into a secure ponytail and stared sagaciously into the crashing waves of the Pacific Ocean. Crazy in a scholastic setting, the now calm Polynesian woman appeared to be in her element with nature and old world wisdom.

Felicity smiled to herself watching the old woman. How she and Spock became good friends would eternally remain a mystery. He had explained how they met and how Oona forced her presence on him, but there was certainly a companionship with the two very different people. Tearing her eyes away, she saw Spock standing near their boards fully dressed and in no was yearning to be in the water like his older counterpart. "Why don't you get into your suit. We'll be going out there soon." Spock thanked Felicity as she handed him the wetsuit and stuck his foot into the unyielding black neoprene. Immediately his balance was lost, and he had to hop backward to keep from falling, causing her to laugh at him shamelessly.

With more struggle than he anticipated, the wetsuit was finally anchored to his lean body, and the three set out into the cold water. Paddling was tiring, and degrading on Felicity's morale, since she was the last to get past the crashing waves; second place to Spock was nothing but third to him and a pudgy woman in her fifties was terrible. Wave after wave crashed over her body tossing her about like a rag doll, but she continued until her arms felt like they were about to give out, and at that very second, she pushed herself through the last wave.

Recovery time for Felicity lasted twenty minutes and thirty seven seconds, Spock noted, trying to keep everything Oona had told him about the forces of nature and trying to conquer the ocean by taming the waves. It was only rhetoric and didn't actually make any sense to him, but he observed and tried his best to mimic her by building speed to gain enough momentum for his board to move. Standing was the difficult part, and his long build did nothing for the tall center of gravity.

It didn't take long for Felicity's body to remember what is was supposed to do, and soon she was rushing past the shore on wave after wave with a skill absolutely sublime. There was an essence of enticement connected with gliding across the water, and it could very well be related to religious aspirations or more mystic enchantments and a desire to delve into the security and chaos of what nature had to offer. It was organic, it was pure, it was not manufactured, and on a magnificent day, it was perfection. All the hard work and effort of battling with waves is paid off by the divine experience of working in concordance with nature for the ride of a lifetime.

At one point, Felicity's knees became weak and sore from the constant shock absorption, and her back ached from bending over to steady her balance, and her arms were jelly from the constant paddling. She could not have been any happier as her body twisted to turn, jerk and fly along the wave's face, spraying water into the air.

In opposition to their kayaking trip years ago, Spock was much more inferior in comparison, constantly falling off his board while attempting to stand and being sucked up by the rushing water. Sometimes, unsuspectingly, he would be too close to the wave's breaking point and would be sucked from behind over the edge. Not to mention, practically every time he was eradicated from his board by the vengeful mother nature, he was launched into the hard, sandy bottom. The most awful part of the sport was the cold water. He considered sitting precariously in a small, one-man boat was the worst Felicity could do to him...how wrong he was. With the wetsuit securely in place, water still found entrance through the neck or sleeves to wash a disturbing amount of cold over his unaccustomed body making him shiver during his wait for a potential ride.

Oona was the most serene and relaxed Polynesian woman either Felicity or Spock had ever seen. Many times, after catching the momentum of a wave, usually smaller in size, Oona would push her body into a sitting position and cross her legs enjoying the ride. The largeness of her board did not allow for the same amount of maneuvering as Felicity, but she was content to stand gracefully and let the water push her where it wished.

During one point in which Felicity was resting her body, she noticed Spock standing on his board only to fall not a half second later. She paddled over to him to talk, but the concern for her disgruntled Vulcan was voided by elation.

"How are you fairing?" She knew exactly how he was doing, but wanted to take the time to rub it in his face.

The happiness seeping into Spock's lean body had nothing to do with his own personal feelings and he cursed the connection he and Felicity had, momentarily. "I have not nearly the skill required for this sport, and it makes no more sense to me than kayaking."

"Are you sure you're not just pissed, because you aren't better at it than me?"

He sincerely did not know to what she was referring. "Why would be concerned with outclassing you?"

Felicity continued with her jibes. "You like to prove your worth and abilities any chance you get."

"I do not prove my worth, I remind you of my strength consistently so we both can be conscious enough to prevent you from being harmed."

"You may be stronger and more agile than me, but there's nothin' in the books sayin' you're more graceful!" She exalted in the knowledge of being better than Spock at something.

"This sport has caused your grammar to become horrendous, darling."

"You're jealous, because you're not amazing at it like me! Check this out. On my next wave, I'll drop in close to Oona and glide past her very coolly." Starting to push her board through the water in an attempt to catch the next wave, she could feel the rush as her angle elevated. It was always the most important part of the surfing process to not only catch the wave but to know exactly when to stand, and as the water built behind her, Felicity waited a second too long to push up.

"Hey! OonnnaaaaaAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed while having a wave throw her past Oona and into oblivion. Spock assumed a small amount of sadistic pleasure from her inglorious display along with a twist of pain in his chest. The mistake obviously hurt her, and for that he figured it best to play decent companion and check on her physical status. Though it should be noted, for a duration shorter than a millisecond, he considered leaving her for dead.

He watched as Felicity clamored back on her board favoring her right arm, otherwise she appeared in decent shape. "I envisioned you to be amazing at this sport considering all the hearsay you were presenting to me."

"You're really funny."

To anyone else, he seemed his usual, Vulcan self, but to the trained eye, Spock wore a particularly smug look on his face. "Some humility would do you good. Are you injured?"

Hunched over on her board, any previous boost of self-esteem vanished, and Felicity felt like a loser. "That should have been the first thing you said to me, and not severely. I slammed my arm into the board. It feels like a broke it in half, my arm that is, but I know it's not the case." Her depleted spirits almost caused Spock's heart to split down the middle. Concern mixed with the unrelenting feeling of disappointment from Felicity's emotions wiped the pompous mood from his existence.

"It could be a fracture."

She shook her head. "Doubtful. Even fractures hurt more than this, but it doesn't make may pain any less."

"Would you like me to take you to shore?"

"I'll sit out here for a while and see if I can get back into action. Get Oona to help you try and stand before we leave." There was no egotism in her voice, just the endorsement of his skills.

"Shout if you need me." he said softly, his protective instincts overriding all else.

She watched him paddle awkwardly away and brooded.

Unfortunately Spock was not able to stand and received multiple bruises in his quest to mirror the grace with which Oona and Felicity executed their rides. His demeanor appeared undisturbed, but Oona knew better, and Felicity could feel his frustration. Finally she paddled her short, little board over to her Vulcan for an encouraging pep talk.

"Love, listen to me. This is going to be a bit elementary for you, because I'm not an expert, but when you are sitting or laying on your board, there is a balance of buoyancy and gravity working together to balance you in relative space. As the kinetic energy of the wave comes and you start to feel the push, gravity is trying to pull you down to the bottom, while buoyancy is pushing you over the wave. The hydrodynamics from the momentum is what engages the motion. What you then need to do is find the balance of opposing forces between gravity, buoyancy and hydrodynamics. This also means lowering your center of balance on the board by crouching or bending your knees. Don't even worry about turning yet, let's see if you can stand first. How was that?"

Spock awarded her the look of adoration he reserved only for times he was overly proud or impressed. His eyes softened, and his lips quirked up. "A very adequate explanation."

Gaining back her cheekiness, she joked with him. "Don't think I knew it off the top of my head. I wrote a paper about the physics of surfing in a college physics course before failing horribly."

Her increased mood, and the lack of bickering lifted his spirits tremendously. "I appreciate your honesty."

"I know the things I'm good at, Spock, and we both know physics is not one of them. Is there a possibility of thinking about surfing in laymen terms may help you?" Felicity rubbed his arm affectionately with a strong urge to yank him into the water, but he was shivering so bad, she didn't have the heart.

"Experimentation is the best form of data." The gorgeous Vulcan resolutely paddled closer to the line up, tipping precariously from side to side in the process. His mind was calculating the most desirable wave of the sets and decided on the third one, taking his time setting his position up perfectly. As the wave rolled through, it started moving him faster, and Felicity was yelling for him to stand up. Spock took longer than preferable to push his body up and wobbled zealously and crouched low enough for his rear end to almost grace the water. Anxiety filled his lungs while trying to calculate what to do next, but that was until he realized.

He was standing on the board. He was surfing.

Felicity and Oona were shouting and cheering for their Vulcan as he raced unsteadily by. He made Felicity so proud, and at times she still wondered why he would consider her to be his mate, but love swelled in her heart as she watched him conquer his obstacles. Devotion turned to distress when the wave knocked him violently down. The women paddled fast, dodging waves, to make sure Spock was safe. Oona got to him first, and he all but beamed at her with excitement and eagerness.

"That was wonderful. Did you see me, and how large that wave was? I could potentially stand again." He turned to Felicity. "Darling, did you see me?"

Their happiness wove itself together into a blanket of content emotion. "You were fabulous. Did the fall hurt?" She laughed heartily.

"No. I was thrown into the sand as usual, but was unharmed." His beaming eyes were large and innocent.

Oona clapped her hands together once in delight. "Would you like to try some more?" Spock nodded and pulled himself back on the board.

Felicity and Spock walked home nearly dead, even Spock's rigid demeanor drooped from the massive physical exertion. Battling waves was much more taxing of a sport than paddling a kayak down a calm stream. His chivalry did not wain though, and he carried both his and his lady's bags as she walked with her eyes nearly closed.

Home eventually came, and the door to serenity slid swiftly open to a black cat waiting patiently. All Felicity could do was say, "Hey baby," while walking by on a quest for the shower, her sun burnt face and legs red and sore. He would play with his mamma later. When pops followed her in, Othello continued to sit but called out to him.

"Meow." _Dad._

Spock looked down at the little body sitting so well behaved. "Yes, Othello?"

"Meooww." _I'm hungry._ Othello looked over at his baby who was laying upside down on the floor, and his tail flickered. "Raawww ma!" _Piddles is too!_

"I will get you some food in one moment. Let me set my things down first."

"Me." Ok. He watched his dad walk by after an exhausted mom and called out to them. "Meeow mowww Raawww." _Don't forget about Piddles._

Once his effects were place neatly in a corner of Felicity's room, he returned to fill Othello's food bowl. The small cat thought it inconsiderate to only have one food bowl for him and Piddles to share, but didn't mind too much since his baby needed to eat. Once the food bowl was set in front of him, he placed Piddles in the bowl and started eating. Spock wondered why Othello always had to drag his baby into the food bowl, but decided to leave them to their own state of affairs and went to find where his own baby had gone to.

Showering proved difficult, since all Felicity wanted to do was sit and fall asleep, not to mention that after scrubbing her hair for only about five minutes, half of the shower was invaded by a beautifully naked Vulcan who hindered her bathing ability. She pouted, weary, as Spock washed her body enjoying the softness as he usually did and the way the white suds lingered over certain curves. While they perturbed each other to no end, his first and foremost instinct was always to care for her.

Being so tired and painfully sunburnt made Felicity want to cry, and a few times Spock was more rough with her bright, red legs than intending. She would whine about him hurting her and grumble unintelligibly.

"Why is that you always burnt when we participate in any outside activities."

"It's my Anglo Saxon ancestry."

"And your lack of protective wear. Next time we go out, I am going to assign myself the duty to make sure this does not happen to you again."

"You want to go out surfing again?"

"It is plausible."

Dragging her body out of the shower, leaving Spock to his own regimen, Felicity stood motionless on the tile floor staring in the mirror. A visible line was obviously situated on her neck separating creamy skin and red, dry skin. The same could be said at her hips from the bikini bottoms that protected the minuscule area.

Knowing she was beyond exhausted, Spock walked around Felicity to find a towel and dry off, but seeing her stand incoherent with her eyes closed about to fall asleep on the floor was disturbing. After delicately hanging the towel to properly dry on a rack, he found another to gently rub along her wet body, taking extra care on her legs. "If you would like, I could rub some aloe lotion on your body."

"Could you?" she replied more interested in staring off into space than what he was saying. Walking to the bedroom, a confused Vulcan was left holding the towel waiting for a proper response. Felicity walked back into the bathroom, still nude but with a shirt in hand, staring at her arm. "Check out this bruise I got from my wipe out earlier. It's all green and yellowish. Maybe I'm half-Vulcan." It was an attempt at humor even if she didn't smile; that took too much effort.

"I sincerely doubt the possibility." her infatuation said while hanging the second towel.

She barely lifted her shoulders to shrug. "I could be Romulan."

"I doubt that too."

She held the chosen shirt up to the ugly-looking bruise. "But look, it matches my green shirt."

He found a bottle of lotion and held it up to Felicity, getting tired of the constant banter. "Would you like for me to apply this lotion on you or not?"

"Quit being ornery with me."

"I am tired, and you constantly make no sense, frustrating me beyond belief." Someone could have slapped her in the face, and it would have hurt less. Spock averted his eyes from her hurt, confused gaze. "I apologize. My previous remark was uncalled for."

"I'll put on the lotion myself." She grabbed the bottle, but he did not relinquish it.

"Go sit down on the bed." Unresponsive eyes stared at him. "Please." Felicity reluctantly sat on the edge of the bed, naked and tired.

Sitting next to her, Spock applied a generous amount of the lotion into his hands and rubbed the sticky cream from her thighs to her ankles, one leg at a time. His hands also massaged some lotion into her crisp neck and on the tips of her ears, trailing down to her shoulders and finding their way to her breasts.

"I don't recall getting sunburnt there."

He cupped her breasts firmly adoring the feeling and weight in his hands. After being with her sexually for five months, he remained astounded by the allurement of her curves. "You still need a hydrating agent in this area. Your skin is very dry."

It was a bullshit excuse, she knew, because men, no matter what species they are, all like breasts. But she let him have his fun and shook her head with a amused smile gracing her lips. Spock eased between her legs and ghosted his own lips across her contented ones. Fingers lightly traced her collarbone, and Felicity wanted nothing more than to fall asleep that very second with his soft caresses.

He rested his forehead against her. "We need to go to bed."

She looked at him under her eyelashes. "Will you please get me some water?" Spock nodded and squeezed her arm before disappearing out of the bedroom. "Can you bring me Othello too?...and Piddles!"

Quickly snuggling into the covers of her wonderfully, soft and inviting bed, Felicity waited for Spock to get her a glass of water, Othello and Piddles. All she wore was underwear and the green, cotton top. Any tight or stiff fabric on her legs would have made a miserable night. He returned, arms full with gifts, and scooted into bed, careful not to brush against her leg, and pulled her close. Not a minute later both were entering deeper sleep. Othello took his baby down to the end of the bed where they could cuddle together.


	22. Aggregation

It was a simple enough day, similar to every other day that passed in San Francisco. The soft wind blew through the full leaves of the trees around campus. Another year had passed, and Felicity was standing in the familiar court yard doing not much of anything. She had to wait for Nyota to finish with her final exam of the spring semester so they could begin their summer fun together. Until then, enjoying the sun was the extent of her excitement.

The friendship with Nyota was not a particularly exuberant occurrence, but for a persistent apathy and perpetual exhaustion from work, Felicity had not bothered to ever make any new friends. It seemed a waste of time to search for other companions. With this mindset in place, Spock's friends became her friends, but in all sincerity, Felicity felt more alone on Earth than she had ever in her life. The only mildly secure person whose sanity and commitment she could rely on was Spock, and when they were bickering, her whole existence felt meaningless. She was beyond tired everyday after returning from work and felt no push to go out and make new friends. Spock was there, and occasionally Nyota or Oona, and that was all she needed. In truth, Felicity liked being alone; it meant not disappointing anyone with any of her decisions, and she could go out dressed however she liked. There was no keeping up appearances. But sometimes, just once every couple months, she would feel like everything in her life was meaningless and she had no friends or support group, because she was a horrible, boring, stingy, neurotic, singular person. These instances usually occurred around the same time as her hormonal imbalances, but they invaded her nonetheless.

During the times when she was happy, there was nothing missing. Felicity had just enough responsibility to not hassle her but to keep her occupied with Spock, Othello and her couple friends. It was those moments that made it seem fruitless to spend time trying to meet new people, because she was so happy. The one and only issue was missing her old friends. Not just Tracie and Terry, but Marovin, Ku-lak and even Kat-tah. When Felicity was upset, she missed them more than ever.

Crying didn't typically happen; only when she was very upset, and she always tried her best to hide the tears from Spock's knowledge. It was during her moments of quiet crying, he was unsure of what to do. He wanted to comfort her, as was his first instinct, but she would often disregard any issues to being tired or nearing the end of her cycle. He would not press the matter, and their day would go about as usual. He worried about her; only wanting the most supreme happiness to grace their lives.

But this was not one of those times, and Felicity was not sad; quite the contrary. Her three amigos from the Mercury had contacted her a few days previous saying they had finally been able to squander their shore leave. Marovin wanted to see her and return her belongings, and the twins wanted to harass her existence, so plans were set in place to meet at the campus after the men disembarked. She only hoped that Nyota would finish with her exams in time.

As fate would have it, the odds were in her favor for once, and Nyota glided past the doors of the communications building, appropriately spotting Felicity sitting on a short, concrete wall bordering the courtyard.

"Why are you sitting there?" she asked snobbishly.

"Seemed like a good place to sit."

"On such a glorious day? Sit in the grass instead."

"But my pants might get dirty." Felicity protested.

Nyota rolled her eyes and started walking. "Have you ever thought about talking to a psychologist about your OCD?"

"It's not a compulsion, it's called good sense, and it rained last night, so the ground is probably partially wet too. I just don't want to look like I was mauled by a peasant when I see my friends for the first time in...however long. I'm too excited, who knows how long it's been since I've seen them."

"You never get this excited when we get together."

Felicity laughed at her. "Because you're kind of boring. How'd your exam go?"

"Flawlessly.

"Of course it did. Miss Perfect. Let's hurry! The Mercury should be landing soon, and I want to be there when it does."

"Why can't you meet with your friends later?"

Turning to face Nyota, Felicity asked with annoyance, "Do you have some pressing appointment?"

"I have better things to do than spending my day with knuckleheads."

"Really? Who says that anymore, and my friends are much more mentally stimulating than yours, I can assure you. But it's your life, Nyota, and if you want to go back to your dorm with your wanton roommate and her countless magazines with useless fashions and tips on how to properly give men oral sex to ensure a lasting relationship, be my guest."

"Fine. I'll go." Nyota conceded with a huff. Felicity did have a point.

Along the way, Felicity was telling Nyota about how they needed to branch out and allow more people into their circle of friends. Nyota argued about how she constantly invited Felicity out with her but the lazy brunette never came. It was a valid argument to be sure, but the retort came belittling Nyota's friends as underdeveloped and rudimentary. Any conversation or joke Felicity may have wanted to share was always followed with stares of confusion and stupidity. Even their juvenile minds could hardly comprehend an immature remark. How any of them were accepted into Starfleet or became friends with Nyota remained a mystery. Felicity did suspect though her chocolate friend may have liked easily becoming the alpha female in the group. Controlling was something she was incredibly good at.

They passed by the physics building while en route to the main ship hanger, and Felicity's thoughts drifted to Spock who was most likely grading assignments or tweaking his computer program. The simulation was a jewel in his crown of achievements at the school, having taken him many months of configuring to encompass his purpose. The Kobayashi Maru was what Spock named the test, but Felicity had no clue as to why since the ship in the simulation designated as the Kobayashi Maru was a large, fuel-carrying cargo ship, and the word kobayashi meant "small grove". Not wanting to spoil his fun, she smiled a and went on and on about how interesting the name was.

But her digression quickly ended, and the prevailing friend conundrum returned. She complained about missing Tracie and terry; people with pizazz, but the words fell on deaf ears as Nyota's attention was taken away by a group of attractive men walking by.

All she wanted were a couple of intelligent, and crafty people with whom she could spend a couple weekends with out of every month.

And so without further adieu, Felicity made some new friends.

"Uhura! Uhura!"

Both women turned to the sound of her name being called. A young, blonde man in his red cadet uniform was running toward them was a suave smile on his face. Following behind at a much slower pace was an older man, also in his cadet uniform with his undergraduate medical supplies.

Without any pretense of formality, Nyota crossed her arms over her chest and asked, "What do you want, Kirk?"

"Who's your friend?" He nodded to Felicity.

"I'm Felicity." The shorter woman stuck out her hand.

He shook it and gave her a crooked smile. "Jim Kirk. Are you ladies busy, or would you like to accompany us to the mess hall for some lunch?"

"We are very busy." Nyota dismissed.

"Well what about tomorrow? Any free time?" he pressed.

"Never for you Kirk."

"Aww, come on. You'll have to come out with me sometime."

"I don't think so."

Felicity stood by and watched them bicker back and forth. It was odd to watch Nyota so catty but so obviously liking the attention. She wondered if being a bitch was a type of a flirting paradox that she didn't understand. Probably.

The older man finally arrived at their congregation but neither Nyota or Jim acknowledged him, too busy with their verbal sparring.

"Hi. I'm Felicity." Felicity gave him a small, self-conscious wave.

He looked disgruntled and cranky but was polite to her. "Leonard McCoy." She stood frozen trying to remember where she had heard the name before. He did look familiar, but she couldn't exactly place him.

For the next few minutes, Felicity stood with the other three, her and Leonard not talking. She wanted to leave and meet her friends but wasn't aware of the proper social context of simply leaving. Since Nyota was continuing to ignore her existence by pretending to be irritated by the blonde man, Felicity decided to make a petty attempt at conversation.

She looked up at the older, brunette man. "What do you do?"

"I'm a doctor." he answered shortly, holding up his medic case for her to see.

"Oh. That's...cool." She was at a loss for anything else to say until the only interesting question came into her mind. "Why did you join Starfleet?" _Is that even appropriate to ask a person when you first meet them? Why is this so difficult? Damn, I have issues._

Leonard shurgged. "Had nowhere else to go once I got a God damned divorced."

"You could have made your own practice though? I mean you don't look too excited to be here."

"My ex wife left me with nothing after the divorce, so Starfleet was pretty much my only damn option, and you wouldn't be too thrilled if you had to babysit him all the time either."

Felicity nodded in agreement and was thankfully saved from starting anymore conversations when the blonde asked her a question. "Cutie, would you like to come out with us this weekend?"

"My name is Felicity." It was more of a reminder than a dismissal. She figure he forgot her name already.

Jim smiled at her. "You're still cute."

Nyota lifted her nose higher in the air and said with a huff, "Why must you hit on every girl you see?"

"At least you don't have to stand by all the time and watch him make a fool out of himself." Leonard said shaking his head.

Mentally stepping away from the group, Felicity made a stunning classification of her new acquaintances. A cantankerous medical professional and an overzealous, lady's man. Her predilection for the characteristics caused Felicity to immediately like the two. It was like being around Tracie and Terry again.

"When and where?" Felicity wanted to get to know them better. If they were anything like their predecessors, she would love them.

"Friday night. There's a bar just up the road from the medical building, Bones and I go to all the time. Maybe you could get Nyota to come too." His eyes danced with mirth as he teased Nyota.

The chocolate woman put her hands on her hips. "Only if you behave and quit hitting on me."

Looking at Jim, Felicity added, "Ya, and I have a boyfriend, so you have no chance with me."

"Aww. You still need to come out with us though."

"That's fine. I just wanted you to know up front." Felicity nodded amiably.

Jim didn't seem to be bothered by the fact at all. "Get him to come out too. Here, Nyota, I'll give you the number to my communicator, and you can call me later for directions."

She waved him off. "I can find the bar myself."

"I might need directions." Felicity volunteered.

"Of course, of course. Here." Jim told Felicity his contact number so she could put it in her own communicator. "And you can call me anytime. I'm usually up doing something."

"Or someone." quipped Leonard.

"We need to leave." said Nyota abruptly and turned to leave.

"Call me, Felicity." Jim gave her a wink as he and Leonard started to walk away.

"I will. It was nice to meet you, Dr. McCoy."

"You can call me Leonard, or Bones if you want. That's what Jim calls me."

"Ok. Bye." she called out to them as they were leaving.

The two women started walking towards their destination again. The weekend now seemed much more interesting, and Felicity couldn't wait to go out.

While walking, Nyota randomly asked, "Why didn't you say anything to them?"

Taken completely off guard, Felicity could only say the first thing that came to mind. "What are you talking about?"

"You stood there and hardly said five words."

"Which universe do you live in? I asked a couple questions and made a few funny remarks. I don't like to waste my time with small talk, especially around strangers. I never know what to say."

"Then how do you expect to make friends without that basic interaction?"

"The people who respond positively to my impropriety will be the much more interesting friends. Besides, I thought you didn't like them, or one of them. Why should you care if I don't talk? It's not like you were overly happy to see them."

"It makes me look bad to have an antisocial friend. I have a career to build, and I don't want to mess it up by being too closely associated with you." Nyota started to walk slower.

"Excuse me?"

"You're good at screwing things up, Felicity. In fact, I think I will go and read those glossy-paged, fashion magazines and maybe catch up with you later."

Standing in the middle of the walkway, Felicity stared at Nyota's retreating back dumbfounded. There was always tension between them, but neither had been so overtly offensive before. She started making plans to bitch about her appalling attitude to Oona and Spock later and completely forgot what her purpose of the day was. _Friends! That's right! I was supposed to go and meet my friends who are decent, non-backstabbing, intelligent people. God, I wish they would stay._

Power-walking the rest of the way to the main hangar, Felicity brainstormed multiple arguments and harsh comebacks to use for slamming Nyota and her unnecessary selfrighteousness. At one point, she was muttering so furiously to herself, she almost power-walked right into a lamp post. After taking a detour around it, she tripped on a rock. By the time she arrived to the docking area for the Mercury's shuttles, Felicity was in a foul mood.

Once she spotted the broad-shouldered, Mazarite, all her troubles melted away, and she ran across the hangar and right into his arms. Hugging Marovin so tightly, Felicity's feet dangled a few inches from the ground. She had forgotten how much taller he was. "What happened with the shore leave that was supposed to happen at a year and a half?" she laughed lightly into his ear as he set her firmly on the ground again.

"You know how these things go. Something always comes up." Marovin smiled so big, even the folds over his ears were lifted higher. He had her stand to the side so he could help unload luggage of the many crew mates and officers ready for some relaxation.

Being so near him again transported Felicity back to some alternate reality. A different time. An almost happier time in some respects, when she had a more wonderful job, and all the people in her life were still around. The only aspect preventing her time on the Mercury from ranking as the happiest she had ever been was the lack of Spock.

But the past cannot be changed, and one must not continuously begrudge their mistakes and missteps in life or how could there be any sight forward?

"It is obvious Felicity had not been working for the military for long. They will make you promises, but if they change their mind, you are at their mercy." The eldest of her Vulcan twins came into view first with his brother close behind. Her mind had forgotten their specifics as well, with the broad stature; a few inches shorter than Spock. Their unemotional, curious eyes both regarded her with a sense of recognition that Felicity could only classify as Vulcan affection.

Without a "hello" to the former bane of her existence, her demeanor eased quickly into an impish defensive. "Starfleet isn't the military, Kat-tah." she said quite snobbishly.

"And I believe she was inquiring about specifics, brother. What specifically deterred the ship from allowing us leave." Ku-lak also remarked very matter-of-factually.

Kat-tah addressed Felicity first, then his brother. "Yes it is the military, and good point."

Marovin squeezed her upper arm and asked with a smirk, "Don't you miss us?"

"Like a stomach pump." she said playfully, quoting yet another of her mother's odd phrases.

Kat-tah took a tentative step toward her. "Unfortunately we do have to follow standard protocol and check in soon."

Disagreeing, she shook her head remembering something from her seven month tour. "Not on shore leave."

"That's what Starfleet likes us to think is happening. Fortunately for them, one of their top investigators has recently docked on Earth, so why not put him to use?"

"Along with two very fine medical officers." Ku-lak straighten out his uniform.

Marovin laughed at them. "Ya right, they haven't called you two for anything. There are enough medics around this place."

"We were consulted about our career paths and what we wish to do once our tour on the Mercury is over." Kat-tah replied.

"You three haven't changed. Still bickering."

"Every chance we get. So, when would you like to meet? I'm very sorry we don't have much time to spend with you right now."

"Told you Starfleet was the military." Ku-lak shook his head then said offhandedly to his brother, "She never listens to me."

"Well, I do have to work the rest of this week, but Nyota and I made plans to go out with these guys Friday night. You could come out to the bar with us."

The older twin looked up from the PADD he was holding. "Only if they have Vulcan brandy."

"Thinking about poisoning anyone, Kat-tah?" she teased.

"No one in particular, but it would be a waste of time and alcohol for my brother and myself to drink any of your liquor. The purpose of Vulcan brandy is for a Vulcan to become intoxicated."

Marovin rolled up his sleeves from the exertion. "What bar are you thinking about going to?"

She shrugged. "Nyota knows. I'm not sure, but I'll let you know."

"We'll be there, love." Marovin said while trying to unload the last pieces of luggage. The three started walking toward the exit with Felicity in tow.

"You're leaving me so soon?"

Kat-tah turned and waited for her. "Are you busy at the moment?"

"No."

"Then you could accompany us." he suggested.

She smiled wanting nothing in the world more than to be with her men. "I'd love to."

*********************************************************************

"In no way do you have any right to tell me what to do." Felicity was standing, hands on hips, a low-cut tank top adequately displaying her heaving chest.

Spock was sitting on the couch in his living room very adamant. "According to the stories you have disclosed, your friends from the Mercury do not imply any degree of maturity. Not to mention the other two men you planned to meet with are miscreants at best."

"My friends would make sure nothing happened to me, nor would they get me into any trouble they couldn't get me right back out of, and it's not like I'm going alone. I know them, and Nyota knows the other men." she argued.

"Those other men used to hassle and hound to constantly. She would often come to my office complaining about them, or at least the blonde, and as far as escorts are concerned, Nyota is hardly enough of a woman to protect you if any unforeseen circumstance were to arise."

"I can take care of myself. Always have, always will."

A characteristic eyebrow shot to the sky. "How would you explain your behavior when returning to Earth and remaining catatonic after Tracie's death?"

"You're really going to be low and criticize me about that?"

 _Why is it so difficult for her to understand I wish to keep her from harm?_ "I am not criticizing you, merely recommending you take into account various events before making definitive statements by using words such as 'always'. You don't always take care of yourself, Felicity. Sometimes I have to do it for you."

She folded her arms across her chest and shook her head. "Wow. You are a pro at being an ass hole."

As they were arguing, their little, black child entered the room weighed down by a blue puppy in his mouth. Othello was trying to hold Piddles by the scruff and walk at the same time which proved difficult, especially during one moment when Othello tripped on Piddles and somersaulted on his back.

Unbothered by the hiccup in his plan to relocate his baby, Othello labored on with his efforts until he found a suitable place to cuddle with him on one of his dad's chairs.

"My main concern is your safety, and this outing is not an avocation worth jeopardizing your well being."

"Neither is my job, but you never protest about that." Felicity said casually.

"How is your career dangerous?" The change of topic caused some of his anger to slip away and was renewed with alarm.

"I could be shot at with a phaser, get beaten-up by some disgruntled suspect, contract some weird disease from all the body fluids I have to handle and test. You never complain about any of those issues."

Spock was silent for a few minutes regarding Felicity very carefully. Eyes narrowed even smaller, evidence of his increasing displeasure. "You need to find a different vocation."

"Ugh! Stop this right now. I'm safe as possible at my job and will be the same at the bar, so I'm going to go out, and none of your protests are going to change my mind. If you want to launch a formal protest, write me one up and send it to my inbox at work., because I'm done listening to you."

His frustration grew with her constant reigning over their relationship. "Are you truly going to disregard our disagreement again?"

"What do you mean, 'again'?"

"Every time I disagree with you and refuse to change my opinion...or the facts, you insist on a refusal to listen to my argument and classify it as irrational. I cannot be wrong every time, Felicity." Othello prowled over to the couch and along the back until he was next to his dad's head.

It took great restraint to not growl at him, but Felicity took time to calm herself before speaking again. "I...understand...what...you're...saying, and I know I can be a bit domineering. I...understand your...point of view about my...safety, but I have been going out to pubs late at night for some time and know all the precautions to stay out of trouble. You have to trust me to go out on my own, though."

Spock delicately folded his hands together. "It is not you I am worried about in any fashion; it is the other men."

"Not all human men are conniving; just most of them, and with my specialized guard of a Mazarite and two Vulcans, I can assure you my safe return."

"Which returns us to one of my original protests concerning their integrity."

"You don't trust two Vulcans?" she asked surprised.

"Not with you." Felicity wasn't sure if the remark was adorable or annoying.

Spock felt someone disturbing the perfection of his hair and turned to his side startled. Othello wiggled closer to his dad and continued to clean the back of his head. "Othello. Stop it." His voice was hard and hinted with frustration as he grabbed the inky-black kitty by the scruff and purposefully set him on the floor, not too harshly.

"Awwww! He's just trying to be nice and take care of you." She stuck up for little Othello who couldn't speak human.

Spock gave her a stern look. "Please do not change the subject. I do not want you going out."

"Do you have any other objections you would like to make known."

"No."

"Then I'm going to get ready." She got up and went into the bathroom to change, leaving an incensed Spock sitting on the sofa.

Felicity ignored every single one of Spock's objections and dressed her slim upper body in a paisley, blue blouse and voluptuous lower body in a tight, black, pencil skirt. A tall pair of black, leather stilettos finished off the outfit nicely. So she wouldn't be scolded for her attire, she snuck quickly out the door while Othello did his best to occupy his dad's attention for a few minutes.

The relationship with Nyota resumed as expected, but Felicity felt a much larger amount of tension when around her. They talked, drank, occasionally made jokes together, but at any moment, they could easily become violent toward each other. Upon spotting the bane of her existence, the creamy brunette praised herself for having a sexier and classier outfit than Nyota's slinky, short, blue dress.

"Are you sure these two are safe?" Felicity asked when they united.

"What do you think they'll do to us in a public place? Relax, I don't think either of them have the potential to bruise anything but their own egos."

Shaking her head in defense, Felicity told her why exactly it was a matter. "I wasn't the one worried. Spock kept going on and on about how he didn't want me to go out."

"That's cute." Nyota said through gritted teeth.

She didn't pick up on the tension due to her oblivious nature. "Obnoxious, really."

"How can you not even be compelled by his care and affection for you?"

"And how would you like it if I bemoaned you going out with a bunch of your friends, four to be exact without counting your boyfriend and his lover, because you may get hurt even with all of them around, or worse, one of them could take advantage of you?"

Nyota rolled her eyes. "There are so many things wrong with that sentence. First, who even says the word 'bemoaned'-"

"I do. I just did, actually."

"-and Jim Kirk is not in any way my boyfriend. That is the most ridiculous statement you have ever uttered, which is saying a lot. As for McCoy being Kirk's lover, it's very well possible, and to answer your question in general, I would indeed be very upset if I was told what to do."

"It was more of a rhetorical question. I know very well how pissed you can get when you don't get your way."

Both women were silent for a few more feet until Nyota blurted out, "I can't believe we're doing this."

"What?" a confused Felicity asked.

"Going out with those two losers." For a moment, from sheer frustration and surprise, Felicity forgot the entire English language. "I can't believe we're meeting up with Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy." Nyota stressed the two names as if speaking them more slowly would allow her companion to comprehend what she was saying.

Felicity finally regained her words after being talked to like an ignorant. "What the hell...why are you complaining now when you were more than enthusiastic about going earlier in the week? When we saw them?"

Nyota rolled her eyes when her companion didn't understand. "It was all an act, don't you know? I couldn't simply dismiss his invitation."

"You have before." argued Felicity.

"Yes, but under different circumstances. Since he had a bit more dignity this time and didn't act like some deranged, sex-craved dog, it was only socially acceptable for me to accept the invitation. I didn't want to, but social protocol dictates."

"You are pretty good at faking it, Nyota." The two women exchanged keen, angry glances.

Upon arrival to the small, smoky bar, Nyota immediately spotted the random dyad from earlier in the week. The blonde was chatting with some cadets while leaning against the bar with his counterpart behind his back drinking. The chocolate-colored woman glided much too eagerly to them for a person who was just recently degrading the pair to a pile of ashes with her constant flames.

There were more pressing matters at hand for Felicity, and she found her way to the bar where her two Vulcans and Mazarite sat talking. Marovin grabbed her when she was close enough and wrapped both large arms around her small body. Ku-lak stood, led her to his chair to sit, and found another seat. Kat-tah immediately reached for Felicity's hand and clasped it so tight, she thought she may never get it back. The twins sure never had any qualms with touching her, even in as public a place as the bar they currently resided in, and she was almost jealous of their nonchalance hoping maybe one day Spock would be as comfortable.

"How have you been? Have you had a good week? Has your job been acceptable and intriguing?" A unemotional interest filled his eyes.

Felicity stared at the older twin in disbelief. "Kat-tah, are you drunk?"

"Hardly, but I am enjoying my brandy." He held his glass with the light blue liquid to her.

"So what have you been doing since you came to Earth?"

"Nothing of significance. Seriously. My brother and I moved our few things into our quarters and lingered around since."

She laughed at his answer. "I bet that's driving you crazy."

"I am not particularly fond of loafing." he said in an almost disappointed tone.

"Most Vulcans aren't." she agreed.

Kat-tah set down his glass and stared Felicity right in the face. "It is truly unfortunate you are no longer assigned with us. Our lives would be much more intriguing."

"Is that a compliment?" She wasn't fooled by the double meaning his words could mean.

"If you prefer it to be." Kat-tah flagged the bartender down and ordered another refill. Marovin asked Felicity if she wanted a glass of Mazarite wine. She declined, not wishing to sprain her ankle again. Instead a tall, full vodka and cranberry was placed in front of her by the bartender.

"So, Marvin,-" Felicity paused to emphasize to inside joke between them. "-did you happen to bring the rest of my things ashore with you? I've really been missing those paintings. My new apartment has been dull with nothing to put on the walls."

He nodded after taking a large gulp of wine. "I promised I would, but I'm surprised you haven't created any new art."

"There hasn't been much time with my job and Spock." Felicity shrugged.

Marovin stretched out as the smile left his face. "Ah yes, your Lancelot. How is he?"

"As well as a Vulcan can be, I suppose."

"Treating you like a queen?" he asked with narrowed eyes.

"Treating me like a companion and an equal." Felicity was always amazed at how competitive and territorial men could be.

He laughed once. "'A companion'? So what are you, his lap dog?"

She rolled her eyes at the devious man. "Marovin..."

"It's ok. You know you can tell me anything. So does he hit you?"

"No." she said affronted.

"Do you have sex?"

Felicity couldn't keep a big smile from spreading across her face. "Yes."

He lifted an eyebrow mildly impressed. "Is it good?"

"Yes." She stuck her nose up in his face.

"As good as with me?" Marovin sneered at her.

She stared at him open-mouthed with mock indignation. Before being able to respond with a saucy comment, she was subject only to more antagonization.

"Is it?" Marovin and Felicity both turned to a forgotten Kat-tah who was very enthralled with their current conversation.

She held her head high and stuck out her chest quite snootily and huffed. "You know what, in fact, it is."

"Bullshit." Marovin laughed while taking another sip of his magenta wine.

It was Kat-tah who surprisingly enough responded. "Why is Felicity's answer was unsatisfactory?"

"In no galaxy, the whole universe in fact or any other alternate universes, could a Vulcan be better in bed than a Mazarite." Marovin dismissed the statement as fact and tried to continue his previous teasing of Felicity. Kat-tah had other plans.

"On what facts have you based your hypothesis?"

"No woman I've ever met, besides Felicity's lying ass, has ever had a preference to Vulcans."

"Had any of your previous suitors been engaged in a sexual relationship with a Vulcan beforehand?"

"No. That's the point I'm trying to make, my friend. No woman wants to have sex with a Vulcan."

"Not an impossible statement but more accurately labeled as improbable. There are various loopholes and opposing oppositions to your belief."

"Such as?"

"Any woman who has a romantic attachment with a Vulcan may have no desire to have sexual intercourse with any other species after which. It would certainly explain the lack of experience regarding your aforementioned lovers. No woman would want to have sex with you after engaging in coition with, say myself."

"Oh really? And how do you propose to test your theory?"

"Felicity will make love to me then write a report summarizing the qualities of each male and her preference for the act of coitus." The words were spoken so plainly and with such confidence and ease, Felicity almost agreed with his experienced rhetoric. Almost.

"Excuse me! I am in a perfectly wonderful relationship with my own Vulcan and do not need you for comparison. I told you both my opinion, and if you don't like it, tough!"

"Not even for the sake of scientific research?" Kat-tah asked innocently. All Vulcan men were the same with their agendas hidden behind the honorable exterior of intelligence.

"Researching my body is not something you...a...errr...quit drinking! You were so much easier to deal with when you were grumpy and sober, like on the ship." She pretended to ignore him by turning away.

Eventually Nyota's and Felicity's groups merged, and the four men were all introduced to each other. Leonard lingered around the bar where there was easier access to liquor, while Jim scouted out more young cadets as prey. Felicity thought to herself how much it reminded her of Terry. Ku-lak gravitated to the newcomer in the group and proceeded to ask question after question about Leonard's medical qualifications.

Marovin leaned closely into Felicity's ear and whispered, "I think Ku-lak has a man-crush."

During their mischievous gossiping, Nyota had swaggered over to the younger Vulcan. "Ku-lak, would you like to dance with me?"

Felicity shook Marovin's arm. "He does seem like a hot commodity tonight." They both snickered conspicuously.

"No." Ku-lak answered and looked at Nyota as if ready to answer another question she posed.

"It's not an option, brother." Kat-tah called to his twin from the other side of the collection of people.

"Then why would she propose it as a question allowing an opposing response?" the younger sibling called back sticking up his nose a fraction too high for Vulcan propriety, but no human noticed.

"Come on." Nyota urged grabbing him by the wrists and trying to pull the much stronger male to the dance floor.

Shaking his head, Ku-lak easily allowed her to lead him away without so much as a glimmer of apprehension. He simply stated offhandedly, "I must warn you that my quality as a dancing partner is extremely tenuous."

Felicity laughed as the younger twin moved with the grace of an android. She spun around in her seat finally acknowledging Kat-tah once again. "You better watch your brother with her. She may try to steal him away, and you'd never see him again."

"Where would he go?" he asked no understanding her statement.

"Chained up in her love den." she said with a large smile.

For the first time since she met him, the Vulcan drew together his eyebrows in the most obvious form of confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"Nyota has a thing for Vulcans." She turned very serious. "I think it's the ears."

Kat-tah dismissed the playfulness as absurd and argued quite logically, "My brother is betrothed. I doubt he would in any way be enticed by her."

"Even the way she dances? I mean, look at her go. Her butt isn't as amazing as mine, but she can certainly shake it. Stupid bitch." Felicity said more to herself than Kat-tah.

"Do you wish to dance?"

"With you or by myself?" she asked, clarifying.

Picking up his glass, he shook his head. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be dancing."

"Why is it that Vulcans will not dance?"

"Your belief is very much mistaken, especially since you have been witness to my own brother attempting in his own way to engaging in your form of Terran dancing." Kat-tah pointed to his brother who appeared to be swaying in one spot.

"I set myself up for that one."

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, as Felicity tried to think of anything to restart the conversation. "Are you betrothed, Kat-tah?"

"Previously, but no longer."

She straightened in her seat becoming curious by his answer. "Why?"

"I believe that information is of a more personal nature, would you not agree?" His face was calm and showed no apprehension or displeasure.

"Yes. Sorry."

"I take no offense to your asking." Kat-tah nodded to Marovin then lightly touched Felicity's hand to gain her attention. "The two inebriates there want you to enlist in a selection of drinking games with them."

"Then let's go." she said while pushing away from the bar and finding a more centrally-located stool next to her antecedent lover and new comrade. Kat-tah stood to the side and watched the three quickly ingest a small glass of amber liquid.

Felicity was able to stay drink for drink with the men with her vodka and cranberry's and occasionally doing a shot of whiskey with Leonard and Marovin. The latter was hell.

She was happier than she had been in a long time being back with her friends, and the last time she had gone out after work, was a time she could not recall. Her jaw began to hurt for the constant smiling, and nothing could make it go away. Nothing she expected at least.

It was the disbelief from noticing the gorgeous face of Spock, his eyes scanning every inch of the bar, that wiped the smile right off her face. She had told him the time and location along with the number of people and names of everyone in her group, but never in her wildest dreams would Felicity have considered him to search for her.

The uncomfortable man dressed in his typical black took a few tentative steps further into the din. A pained look of uncertainty made him even more out of place, and Felicity jumped quickly off the bar stool and excused herself from her friends a moment to meet her Vulcan.

She walked up to him hoping to find a renewed Spock wishing to socialize with her. The hope was not great but present nonetheless. Once his eyes found her, they never left their target, and he watched her walk right up to him confused.

"What are you doing here?" Her hands rested lightly on his hard chest.

There was no glimmer of mischief in his professional demeanor. He took his job as her protector very seriously. "I came to ensure your safety." he stated with a cold tone of ease.

Felicity's hands slid away from his chest as she tried her best to understand his lack of acceptance. "I told you I would be fine."

The evident disappointment on her face almost caused Spock to reflexively reach out to her, but they were in a very public area, and he did not wish to draw attention to themselves. Instead he changed the subject. "Will you not introduce me to your friends?"

"Sure." she replied unenthusiastically and without any real desire to do so. Frustrated with his idiosyncrasies, she grabbed his hand to lead him through the bar. Felicity could feel him trying to gently pull away, but she only tightened her grip holding him captive until they reached the destination of her three musketeers.

"Gentlemen, this is Spock. Spock, this is Marovin, Leonard and Kat-tah. Ku-lak is off socializing."

Marovin inclined his head only a fraction, and Kat-tah silently regarded the newly introduced Vulcan, while Leonard stood from his stool at the bar to shake Spock's hand not caring if it was an appropriate greeting. "You seem familiar. Have you been to the medical building at all?"

"I was there little over a year ago." was Spock's cryptic answer. He turned from a confused Leonard and asked Felicity. "Where are the other members of your party?"

"Who?"

"Nyota and Cadet Kirk."

They didn't really count as members of her friend group, and so she dismissed the inquiry. "Oh. I don't know."

"Half the people in your group leave, and you consider yourself to be safe with them?" Spock's face filled with concern and he discretely reached out to touch her wrist.

"Felicity is very safe with us." Marovin stated with his keen eyes holding Spock's gaze.

Sensing an oncoming disturbance, Felicity thanked God when she saw Nyota and Ku-lak returning from the dance floor. She could use them to distract Spock and move away from Marovin's frustration. "Ku-lak! Ku-lak!" Felicity patted him on the shoulder to help gain his attention. "This is Spock."

"This is the man who broke your heart?" the younger twin asked.

She wanted to crawl into a hole and only emerge a few days later. "Ku-lak, stop it."

Kat-tah spoke softly to his brother but loud enough for everyone to hear. "I believe that was an affirmation."

"I am in congruence." Ku-lak nodded.

Marovin folded his arms and leaned against the bar. "You know, Felicity, I do find it interesting you left me for him."

"He is certainly not as robust." Kat-tah added indifferently.

Nyota watched off to the side with a certain amount of amusement as the scene was unfolding.

Felicity couldn't believe her ears and was blown away by the absurdity of her friends' attitudes. "Why are you all being ass holes?"

Ku-lak drank from a refilled glass of brandy and said without looking at her, "We're your friends, Felicity. We want to make sure you are safe in every aspect of your life."

Marovin walked right up to Spock so they were standing almost toe to toe. "Have you been good to her?"

"Our relationship is none of your concern." the half-Vulcan spoke quietly.

A big, devilish smile spread over the Mazarite's stern face. "He doesn't beat you, does he, Felicity?"

Spock narrowed his eyes infinitesimally. "Do you see any bruises on her body?"

"They could be hidden." Marovin said looking away with a smirk. It was always so easy to frustrate a Vulcan. The reaction may not be as intense as any other species, but their profound pride was cause for some very amusing disgruntlement.

"You think I would have the propensity to harm the woman I care about? Felicity and I have a fully functional and adoring relationship."

"Well then why would she want to come out here with us instead of spending the evening in with you? Are you incompetent in any way?"

"Marovin!" Felicity scolded, blown away by the competitive conversation between her latest suitors.

Spock was confused by the accusations. "...No."

"Hesitant much? Do you truly know how to properly please a woman, Vulcan?" Not wanting to dignify the indignant question with an answer, Spock remained silent and stared daggers at Marovin who nodded pretending to misinterpret the silence. "Ah. I see. Well I'll give you a piece of advice with Felicity."

"I am in no need of advice, thank you." His words were ice.

Marovin continued flourishing his drink in the air for ambiance. "Bend her over a table or desk, really any flat surface would do, and do her from behind." Sipping his pink wine, an evil grin spread wide across his face. "It was something she always loved and worked wonders for me."

Kat-tah, who had been listening very interested, turned to Felicity and inquired, "Is this true?"

"Mind your own damned business!"

"I believe she confirmed your question." Ku-lak remarked while leaning in to his brother.

The devilish Mazarite sidled close to Felicity, close enough so their bodies were almost touching. His move caused Spock to step unconsciously toward the same woman in an unknowing attempt to assert his status as the alpha. "I don't see why you have to continuously defend him. Let the grown Vulcan fight his own wars, unless we're speaking a truth too difficult for him to handle."

"I remember when you came in to sick bay! You were there with Felicity to get her some damned anxiety medication." said Leonard, quite proud of himself for remembering. Everyone else in the party looked at him as if he were just a tad crazy.

The evening was becoming a catastrophe, and Felicity was more than upset at everyone there...maybe not Leonard, but definitely everyone else. "I would defend any one of you. Well, maybe not now with the way you've been acting tonight. Shit, Marovin, you're supposed to be a man of honor." The angry brunette rounded on the twins. "And you two! Merely standing by while he goes on and on and not even bothering to defend a fellow Vulcan."

Ku-lak stepped forward. "Mr. Spock's defense is not our concern, and we have not been in any way promoting his antagonization, so I do not understand your frustration with us."

"Alright, alright, well Marovin just stop by tomorrow to drop off my things, but it's getting late and time for us to leave."

The Mazarite could not bite his tongue and asked, "Did you decide that or did your dictator?"

"Quit. Right. Now. I defended you all to Spock, and you have painstakingly proved my words wrong with your absurd behavior." Felicity snatched her purse from the bar. She was in a foul mood and did not want to listen to another word of ridicule. "I'll see you all later." She turned and left without looking to see if Spock was following.

"Felicity!" he called after her once they were outside. He jogged to catch up.

"I'm sorry my friends were being so mean." she said not bothering to slow down or look at him and very upset that her evening was ruined.

Spock wanted to remark about his initial attitude toward the idea of going out but could acutely feel her disappointment. "Do you want to go home?"

On any other night, Felicity would have loved to be in the comfort of her own bed commanding the whole space, but she felt a bit of obligation toward Spock for dealing with her unruly friends. They hadn't been exactly the most charming of men. "Uhhh..."

"Would you like me to return home with you?"

"What about Othello?"

"I could get him, or we could go together and pack some items for me to bring over for the weekend."

The thought of her perfectly peaceful, unproductive weekend being interrupted by an efficient and talkative know-it-all made her a little more forlorn. "I don't know, Spock. I had a lot of paperwork to catch up on this weekend, and I'm exhausted from this whole week."

"That is no issue. I can help you with your work and even execute the more mundane tasks while you sleep."

"...great."

Journeying to his apartment on campus was more effort than Felicity wanted to expend that late at night but continued to diligently follow her handsome Vulcan. He packed a small bag of clothes and PADDs for the weekend and struggled with Othello to put him in the carrier. The small panther wanted to stay put and left a long scratch on his dad's arm during an incredibly difficult clash. The cat hightailed it out of the living room and ran as fast as he could into the bedroom and under the bed in the very center so he could not be gotten. Spock paced to the bedroom, got to his knees then scooted along between the box-spring and the floor, but the shadow sashayed from under the bed slowly.

Felicity laughed at the two moving from room to room; Othello dodging furniture with his dad in hot pursuit. The black kitty was having so much fun playing chase that he had forgotten to protect his kryptonite.

After feeling that Spock exhausted himself enough, Felicity told him to sit down and called for Othello. All that could be seen of the cat was his furry, black head around the doorway to the study. He watched his mama with big, yellow eyes suspiciously until he recognized the blue squishy in her hand. She dropped Piddles into the carrier as bait and waited for her panther to follow.

Othello wanted to keep playing but loved Piddles more, and so he trotted over to the black carrier. Felicity picked him up and nestled him inside with a blanket and his baby then zipped the bag, ready for travel.

Felicity carried Othello with her, while Spock carried the rest, including her shiny black clutch. The night was black, not even one star could be seen beyond the looming clouds. Streets were peaceful due to the lateness of hour, and Felicity enjoyed the walk across town. She and Spock were silent and each lost in their own thoughts.

Memories of Tracie flooded Felicity's consciousness, and guilt began to flow through her veins again. The unchangeable fact Regret. It loomed in so many parts of her life.

Spock's own thoughts shuffled through possibilities of the future. Childhood premeditated the realization of his imperfection. Coming into contact with Marovin and a very possible alternate life Felicity may have led made his insides tighten and his imperfections much more prominent. His lungs began to close down, and his breathing became labored . Anxiety.

Trying to calm down, he remembered Felicity was walking next to him rather than still sitting at the bar with the Mazarite. Reaching out to her, Spock's hand found her own. While neither were able to feel the other's tension beyond their own feelings of frustration, both eased with the small physical contact.

When they arrived home, Felicity freed Othello from his carrier and put Piddles in the cat bed beside her couch. Spock arranged his things neatly beside the mahogany dresser in the bedroom then went to get a glass of water. The two of them sat on the couch for a while relaxing and watching Othello throw Piddles all around the apartment. Spock told her about the mundane things in his classes, and she told him about the latest investigation which was nothing more interesting than a small case of theft.

Felicity got off the couch and walked to the small, mahogany desk in her room which was home to her computer. Checking her messages was habit before bed in case her job had attempted to contact her requesting her presence and investigative skills. Without bothering to sit in the chair, Felicity bent over the desk to stare at the computer screen. Weight was shifted from foot to foot as she took her time checking message after message of nothing particularly interesting.

After reading the seventh letter degrading the new supervisor at work, her tight, black, pencil skirt suspiciously lifted to her waist. The strong hands of Spock rubbed along Felicity's thighs and up her back, pressing firmly preventing her from standing straight.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking into account the advice given to me earlier."

Felicity searched the corners of her mind to understand what her gorgeous man was talking about. The female ability to multitask allowed her to do so while enjoying slowly becoming naked. Marovin's taunting words were eventually, and she thanked her stars for that man. He knew exactly what he had been doing by planting the seed of sexual doubt in her Vulcan's overactive brain. Spock began to kiss softly along her neck.

"What if I don't like this?"

"Based on previous experiences, there is a zero percent chance of you negating my sexual advances."

The initial surprise of a dominant Spock disintegrated into tiny flecks of dust as desire became Felicity's dominant emotion. He took his time slowly sliding her white, cotton panties to the floor. While she did have an expansive collection of lingerie, with every piece looking absolutely delicious on her body, truth be told, he had a preference to her simple, everyday panties.

Still bent over, resting her weight on her elbows, Felicity could hear the rustling of her Vulcan undressing and wondered if she would have to undress herself. She straightened a bit and reached to the back of her skirt for the zipper. Spock's hands grabbed her wrists and replaced them back to the small desk.

"Aren't you going to take my clothes off?" she asked amused.

"Hush."

The hair on Spock's undressed legs tickled her own, and without benefit of sight to anticipate what he was doing, she could only wait. Soft fingers tickled her intimate areas gently massaging. He pressed one finger inside of Felicity's tight body, always surprised by how little she stretched over time. The quiet sighs were glorious melodies to his pointed ears, and they increased with frequency and intensity as he added another finger.

She hated heavy petting. It was an awful replacement to use thin fingers for pleasure instead of what she really wanted. "Why do you always have to torture me?"

"I do not torture you, nor would I derive any pleasure from doing so." he corrected playfully.

"But you know what I want and keep delaying."

Spock twisted his hand causing Felicity to groan from the new sensation. "When last I checked, you were a strong advocate for foreplay."

"Yes. I still am, but you are also very well aware of how much more I like intercourse."

"And I am priming you for it." He pulled out his fingers and examined how wet they were.

Felicity rested her forehead in her hands. "Just do it already. My elbows are hurting."

"My dear, I am in control of this situation and will continue to make the decisions based on my own observations. It would behoove you to remain silent."

She untangled her body from his arms and faced him unhappy. "Excuse me?"

"I apologize. I was attempting to assume the role of the alpha male in order to please you."

Giving him the hairy eyeball, she slowly turned back around grumbling.

Concern washed over him. "Do you wish me to no longer exude that personality?"

He could hear Felicity chuckle. "No, just...warn me beforehand."

"Would you like me to get a towel for your elbows?"

"No, alpha male. Please continue."

Not entirely sure what he should do with his absolute control, he decided to test the boundaries and roughly tangled a hand in her long, brown hair. Felicity's back arched even more in the position, offering her bottom to him more prominently. Using his free arm, Spock pulled her hips against his hard erection. She mewled her compliance.

Slipping inside her was a wonderful new experience; not being able to spread her legs made it so much tighter. He began their their personal rhythm with more strength, holding her firmly in place, so she wouldn't be jostled from the relentless pounding.

A lack of stretching her hamstrings beforehand made Felicity's legs burn, but the pleasure from sex was overriding the pain in her head. For some anatomical reason unknown, the position was always more stimulating, allowing her to feel more of Spock inside. Her legs began to feel like jello, but her knees were bending to help angle her body for optimum sensitivity. It was magnificent having him so unnaturally rough.

If not for the small legs of her little desk, Felicity would have loved to brace against it and push right back against him, letting out some of her frustrations of the evening and to also encourage his primal attitude.

"Let's move to a different spot." she said breathlessly.

Spock's only answer was pulling her body into an almost standing position with his hand pressing hard on her pelvis to continue his thrusting. A decent chunk of her neck found its way into his mouth, but he did not bite down hard.

While slightly uncomfortable since she obviously couldn't have all of Spock's cock inside of her, Felicity had never been with a man big enough to perform such a position, that she was dumbstruck from the new sensations and physics of their love making.

Easing out of her, he captured her waist and pulled Felicity very unceremoniously to the bed. Tripping on her own feet, she fell short of the bed and landed on the floor laughing.

"I'm so sorry. Are you alright, love?" he asked while gently hoisting her to the bed.

She could barely answer him through her laughter. "I'm...hehe...fine...hehe."

Her smile of amusement was all he need to continue. He had taken the time to fully appreciate her from behind, so Spock decided to keep her facing him. Hands took hold of her shoulders and shoved her back onto the mattress. One lingered on her chest grabbing handfuls of her breasts, while the other reached around to grasp the back of her thigh tightly.

Felicity would almost have preferred her wrists to be bound. It would have made things more interesting, but instead she slid her hands under her back and arched her back to stick out her chest even more. She was interested by his lack of further interest with her breasts, usually he would spend large amounts of time fondling or sucking on them, but his hand moved up along her neck and clamped around the crevice where the neck and shoulder meet.

His hand were ingeniously placed, he knew that. It allowed for the perfect amount of momentum without a loss of energy due to the control he had on her body. Her thigh was momentarily abandoned while he guided his penis inside her against but was quickly reclaimed with a grip so powerful, Spock was vaguely worried she may have bruises in the morning. With her securely in place, he was able to pound into her body at a much higher velocity than in the previous position. He was glad to have made the switch.

Felicity moaned from the assault on her body. The deeper, quicker strokes made her body writhe with pleasure, and her hands broke free from their imaginary bonds wanting nothing more than her own release. It didn't take long at all. With the heightened erotic feeling of her dominant lover and the incredibly good sex they were having, it only took Felicity a few rubs until her toes were curling and her body tightening around his cock.

Trying to remain in character but respecting his female more, Spock slowed his speed dramatically for her to enjoy her climax. Once she stopped wiggling on the bed, he deemed it proper to begin again.

Spock's advanced physiology and stamina allowed him to fuck her at a relatively fast speed for a good long while. Occasionally he would switch it up with a agonizingly slow pace or run his hands along her soft body.

After what felt like a half hour, Felicity began to feel sore. "Baby. Baby, stop. Stop. Stop. Spock, Stop. Stop. STOP!"

His breathing was hard as every muscle in his body froze. "What is wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"Nothing, no, but are you close to finishing at all? I'm really tired." She couldn't help biting her lip while asking.

Spock tilted his head to the side. "You could have chosen to stay home."

If she had been in a more dignified or powerful stance, Felicity would have probably made more of an effort to bicker, but instead she opted for a more casual battle of wits. "Me staying out has nothing to do with you always taking so long."

Regret filled his eyes. "That is something I cannot change, Felicity." He didn't realize her words were meant to be a playful.

"I know, but I'm not as dexterous as you." She ran her fingers along his chest to try and ease his emotions.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, frustrated with her constant banter.

"No." she shook her head vigorously. "Just stay mindful of the time."

Spock sighed with evident discontent, and she felt terrible for her verbal diarrhea. She was never good at judging the right moment.

He scooted her closer to the headboard and crawled onto the bed. His aggressive mood vanished, and he became tender once again. Soft kisses were trailed from Felicity's neck to her chest. She considered asking him to be rough again but decided against it. Instead her thighs spread further apart making their invitation much more prominent.

Consenting with her wishes, Spock entered her yet again. Their bodies became intertwined with arms and legs wrapped around each other.

It took another twenty minutes before a pressing on Felicity's bladder was cause for concern. The unexpected onslaught of sex didn't let her go to the bathroom beforehand, and the constant harassment wasn't helping. She tried her best to ignore the sensation until Spock was done and even tried thinking about errands she had to do.

When the thrusting became wholly unbearable, she shoved him away. "Stop."

"What now?" he asked her in disbelief.

"I have to pee." she said trying to untangle her legs.

Spock could not understand why normal, compatible sex was unachievable with Felicity. "What?"

"I gotta go right now!" She slipped out of his arms and raced to the bathroom throwing the door closed behind her.

He sat there on the bed staring at the closed with a throbbing erection. The fault was partially his, since he knew full well how she always had to use the restroom before sex. Realizing this did not make his neglected erection feel any better though.

The bathroom door opened to reveal a very apologetic Felicity. "Sorry."

He reached out to her and said, "It's alright."

She climbed onto his lap to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him hard. Without breaking the kiss, Spock carefully rolled them so she was under him once more.

His own orgasm came soon after, and he buried his face into her neck to mask the groan of relief. The muscles in his body relaxed, but Spock groaned again with a disheartening epiphany.

They had forgotten a towel again.

Both acted swiftly and created little mess in the process.

As was custom, they took a shower together but were exhausted from all the evenings activities. Felicity leaned against her lover's chest, as he rested his chin on the top of her head enjoying the relaxing water.

Once showered and changed, Felicity and Spock clamored into bed. As he pulled back the sheets, he found a little, blue puppy under the covers.

"Othello..." he called gently to the apartment. It took a moment, but eventually the black panther came into the room to see what his dad wanted. When he realized his dad was holding Piddles, he was overjoyed, having lost him earlier that evening. "Raawww!" _Piddles!_ Spock tossed the blue puppy to his fuzzy baby and scooted next to Felicity. Laying next to her in bed again help ensured the relationship between them still existed.

He had been frightened earlier. It was not a fact he liked to admit but true nonetheless. The evening's proceedings only proved to him how easily Felicity could slip away from him, and how close he had come to losing her absolutely when she had been stationed away from him. Even as the gratification of sex eased away, a hand rested securely on any part of her body; a tangible confirmation she was still there. For the first time in their relationship, Felicity and Spock laid together with limbs intertwined, pressed harshly together in a conglomerate of need and security. In the ink of night, without fear of criticism or being found out, they allowed the feelings of harsh reality to wash over them, finding fear in the uncertainty of things to come. Felicity's childhood need for a man who would care for her without condition and be sincere with his actions was intensified by the uncertainty radiating from Spock. The desire to keep the woman who understood him, permeated ever pore in his own body. And so they made love again in an attempt to become even closer, and took their time, not wanting the evening to end and have to wake the next morning to eventual separation.

Because the night belongs to lovers.

***************************************************************

Spock wanted to apologize for the hassle he created the previous night, but articulating his feelings on the subject proved difficult. Instead, he arose from bed at his regular, early time, continued on with his meditation, finished grading the last assignments for his classes and began to actually cook a typical Terran breakfast around 1000 hours. His efforts were for Felicity. The social context of a "breakfast in bed" was something she explained to him seventy eight days ago after he questioned her on the results of a disagreement between couples. She explained various ways for a man to indirectly correct his relationship with a woman including making breakfast for the woman and taking it to her while she was still slumbering. Spock also asked what social protocols women follow when they wish to correct an argument, and Felicity's only response was that women are never in the wrong.

There had been one hundred and six successful attempts of Felicity cooking, and forty seven of them were of breakfast, so he had observed a variety of ways to cook. Execution though he knew would be a tad bit harder. Deciding to start with an easy ordeal, he placed two pieces of toast into her aging toaster.

Eggs were his second ingredient. He remembered the pan was always lubricated with something but didn't know what, so he used nothing at all. Scrambled eggs were always easier, and so that would be on the menu for breakfast of the day.

Spock could not understand for the life of him how humans enjoyed eating the embryos of chickens, even if they were cooked, but watched the pan diligently to prevent from overcooking them. In doing so, he severely burnt the toast.

Once done with the whole process, Spock decided he was far too advanced of a species to cook. He carried the two plates with approximately two scrambled eggs, three pieces of buttered toast and five crisp sausages to the bedroom. Othello followed him the whole way.

Gently rubbing Felicity's arm to wake her, he stood by watching her stir. Hair was in disarray and her tank top wasn't even covering her breasts. She looked beautiful.

The brunette looked at her handsome Vulcan with one open eye. "Morning...what smells?"

"I made you breakfast." He offered her the plate and a napkin.

Her brow furrowed as half-open eyes stared at him confused. "Huh?"

"I made you breakfast. I mimicked the way you cook, so you should find it to be suitable."

"Oh." she said looking at the food apprehensively. "Thank you."

Spock could easily read her hesitation. "Your food is edible. The ingredients that caused the smell in the apartment was disposed of."

She nodded and tasted a piece of the scrambled eggs carefully. His eyes watched her reaction and was immensely pleased when she nodded and smiled at him.

"Excellent job." said Felicity with a mouth full of eggs.

"Thank you. It took a great amount of effort, but I believe it was worth the hassle."

"What's the occasion?"

There was some hesitation before he answered. "There is no occasion. Technically it is an apology breakfast; for my hesitation to trust you yesterday."

"Thank you." she said quietly.

Spock left her to eat in peace, only returning once to give her some juice and to remove a mooning Othello. When finished with her breakfast, Felicity almost got out of bed to take her plates into the kitchen but stopped short. Instead, she called for Spock to come and take them from her.

Spock stacked the few dishes in his hands and remarked nonchalantly, "I understand your friend Marovin will be stopping by later today."

"Ya, he has to return the rest of my things I left on the ship. It's not going to bother you, will it?"

"No. Especially not with me here."

"Here we go..." Felicity drawled, crawling out of bed to shower and change.

Once changed into a blue, sleeveless dress and lavender cardigan, she and Spock sat on her bed playing with Othello. The Vulcan would dangle the feather toy along Felicity's legs, so Othello attacked her, and then she'd capture the kitten and torture him with lots of kisses. He constantly broke free continuing his quest for the feather, and at one point was running around the comforter and slipped off the bed onto the floor.

"No! Baby, come back." said Felicity bending over the side.

Othello looked at her very grumpy and turned around to strut out. Grabbing his tail to prevent him from leaving her, she tried to capture his back legs to pull him back up.

"Mow! Mow! Meeoww!" _Mom! Mom! Stop it!_

Spock assisted her and regained control of his little shadow. Othello struggled his best but couldn't regain his freedom. "Meow..." Dad... he said helplessly. Unfortunately for the feline, his father ignored his cries for support and handed him over to his mama for further cuddling.

Slumping onto the bed with her prize, Felicity scooted against her lover's chest and enjoyed the relaxation of being in the middle of a boy sandwich. Her and Spock had really started becoming a normal couple lately, with him showing more affection more often, and her making time out of her self-centered day to be with him. It was difficult for her to think about Marovin or any other man in such a wonderful position.

The unending chatter of how wonderful Marovin was to bring her things, and how much Kat-tah had changed since she left, and how wonderful it was to see all her friends again, had begun to grate on Spock's nerves. In all truth, the first mention of them coming was more than he wanted to hear, but he loved Felicity and wanted her to be happy, even if that meant ignoring half of what she was saying. While laying together, he considered removing all of her clothes along with any thoughts of men other than him. Unfortunately the tone of the door bell rang quicker than he could execute his jealous plans.

Felicity jumped out of bed freeing Othello and skipped to the door much too happy for Spock's liking. After she opened the door to let her company in, Felicity was astounded by the bizarre sight before her. Kat-tah stood with his brother, Ku-lak with their polite, emotionless eyes on her. What was absurd were the outfits.

Kat-tah was dressed in a light green striped button down shirt with a mustard yellow, argyle vest over it. Black, pleated trousers adorned his bottom half along with unlaced tennis shoes. Ku-lak wore skin-tight blue jeans with brown loafers, a very oddly cut men's tank top with a long fur coat and fedora.

"What are you two wearing?!" she asked without any attempt to hide her amusement.

Ku-lak answered her as if she was the clueless one. "Clothes."

"It's style." Kat-tah explained...even though he really didn't.

"That is not style." Jaw unable to close, Felicity continued to be flabbergasted. "Are you really walking around like that?" she whined.

"Yes we are." Ku-lak was unbothered by anything as usual.

Kat-tah continued to try and elaborate to Felicity. "We actually have a purpose, if you must know."

"What could possibly be your purpose?" she asked while laughing at them.

"Learning and observing behavior patterns." said Ku-lak.

Again, Kat-tah elaborated. "Wearing these outfits will certainly create a sense of controversy and interest among fellow passersby, and Ku-lak and I wish to gauge and interpret people's reactions."

Felicity actually pinched the bridge of her nose with overwhelmed astonishment. "Why?"

Kat-tah folded his hands neatly together. "Why not?"

She nodded and put up her hands in defeat. "Touche."

The younger twin removed his hat and tucked it neatly under his arm. "It has been something to keep us occupied during this time of stagnation."

"Stagnation?" she asked perplexed.

"We do not need the shore leave but are required to exercise some of our allotted vacation time." Kat-tah said watching her with careful, unemotional eyes.

Spock walked into the living room to find the two, contemptible Vulcans from the night before in the doorway in the most alarming attire. "Is there a purpose to your outfits, or have you two not yet refined your knowledge of human style?" Felicity gave Spock a sideways glare.

"We have a purpose." said Ku-lak without any elaboration.

Othello also moseyed into the living room to oversee the excitement and found the two men that looked like his dad interesting.

Felicity pointed to the black kitten and said to the twins, "This is Othello. It was originally Spock's cat, but not he's like our illegitimate child."

"Very illegitimate." remarked Kat-tah.

Othello was very cautious when investigating the new guests in his home. The two similar people were very funny indeed. Their features were obviously more related to his dad, but they were shorter and wider and wore weird fabrics. _Why is that one wearing an animal over his body?_ He sniffed at Ku-lak from a distance but didn't like the fur coat, so instead Othello cuddled against Kat-tah's legs.

The older Vulcan watched his new friend walking around his tennis shoes. "He seems agreeable."

Spock clasped his hands behind his back. "He has gotten used to new people, otherwise he probably would not have warmed to you so quickly."

A deep sigh came from Felicity, but she chose to ignore Spock. "So what are you up to, stopping by to say 'hi' and show me your new clothes?"

"We have your effects." said Kat-tah.

Ku-lak stepped closer to Felicity acknowledging his turn to explain. "Marovin was called back to the ship for a final review of our most recent investigation. Apparently new evidence was introduced, properly ending his shore leave."

"But he wanted your items returned."

"And to apologize, which explains the reason for our presence."

"We wanted to apologize too." the older ended.

"Well please stay a while then. I miss talking with you." She waved them over to the small sitting area of her apartment.

Life had been a little bit lonelier without them, especially Ku-lak. He had been her first friend on the Mercury and always offered his help any way at any time. She nestled into a spot on the cinnamon-colored couch next to Spock as her friends went to sit on her new chairs. They were apple-red, cushioned armchairs that did not match anything else in the room but for all intensive purposes were easy to obtain and as Felicity liked to think of them, "artistic".

Before sitting, Kat-tah picked up a blue, plushie puppy from the chair and inspected it. Othello immediately materialized at his feet complaining.

Meeeee, mowweow!" _Hey, that's mine!_

Felicity pointed to the blue dog in her friend's hand and said, "You better give Othello back his baby, or he'll be mad at you forever, Kat-tah."

"Yes, of course." The older Vulcan bent over and politely offered the dog to his new friend. "Here you are, sir."

The black panther graciously took his baby and trotted to where his father was sitting so he could lay on his feet while giving Piddles a bath. His father had the best smelling feet. His mother's were far too stinky.

Being lost in the cuteness of Othello, Felicity remembered she had duties as hostess. "Would you like anything to drink?" she asked getting off the couch.

"Water." said Ku-lak trying to adjust the peculiar clothing he wore.

Kat-tah was silent for a moment before replying. "Do you still have the brandy I gave you?"

This sparked Spock's interest. "You gave Felicity some brandy?"

"Vulcan brandy. It was a parting gift in reference to the investigation she solved on the Mercury. For her efforts, I will be eternally grateful." He nodded once in her direction.

"I do. Would you like some?" she asked.

"No thank you. It is far too early to indulge, and I was mainly curious." She blinked at him a few times waiting for a different response, until he finally answered. "Water, please."

She looked at her lover, with the cat on his feet, and asked, "Spock, could you help me get the drinks please?"

"Yes." He carefully pulled his feet out from under Othello and followed Felicity.

Once in the kitchen, she rounded on him. "Why are you being so snappy?" Hands were on her hips.

He was immediately on the defensive. "Presenting a person with a gift, such as our particular type of brandy, is considered very personal on Vulcan, almost to the point of intimacy. Your friend had no justification to give you something so inappropriate."

"Why?" she asked using the replicator to make herself some coffee.

"Because you are in a relationship with me."

"I wasn't at the time, now was I?" Spock opened his mouth to object, but Felicity whipped up a hand to stop him. "Enough! Kat-tah isn't the one who practically lives with me, so I don't see why you're complaining." She picked up her coffee along with one of the waters and walked out of her small but fully functional kitchen.

She handed out the waters and sat back on the couch. "So when will you be done with the mission? I've hardly even thought about about it. I can't remember how long it's been since I left."

"Seventeen months, one week and three days." Kat-tah answered for her.

"We miss your presence too." Ku-lak added very matter-of-factly.

It was such a simple statement, but Felicity was so touched by the earnest confession. Neither were uncertain or self-conscious about admitting their...feelings? It had taken her ages to touch Spock without him stepping away, and these two full-blooded Vulcans were talking about missing her. Life almost seemed backwards at times, especially in Felicity's little world of confusion.

She beamed at them. "Thank you. When will you be done? We could probably see each other then."

"We'll be done in a year."

"Then what will you do?"

Ku-lak sat in contemplation while Kat-tah said, "We have not yet decided, but I hope for a more stationary career change."

"You do not like traveling to different planets?" Felicity could tell Spock's suggestive sentence was a passive aggressive attempt to belittle Kat-tah and make the older twin appear more ignorant. It was fascinating how even Vulcan men were driven by testosterone.

Unfortunately for Spock, Kat-tah did not take his bait and answered politely. "No. I do not mind where I would live. It is the constant traveling and lack of a stable foundation to prosper on that I am opposed to."

Spock pressed on. "Perhaps you made a mistake when you chose Starfleet as your career."

"Have I wronged you before, Commander?" Kat-tah said suddenly changing the subject.

Being a master at changing the direction of a conversation from talking with Felicity for years, Spock was truly taken aback by the abrupt question. "I'm sorry?"

"Aside from the occasional jests that occurred the previous evening, I do not believe we have ever met, so I can find no reason why you should be so assertively rude."

Spock did not respond immediately. His parents had raise him properly, and he knew full well how disrespectful his words were, but there ever remained a small, childish part of him allowing the arrogance to show through. Felicity could feel his discomfort but was also peeved and slightly embarrassed of how mean he was being to her friends. She did not defend or criticize him and let the men hammer out their own issues. "Forgive me. I was assuming you to be as offensive as last night."

"Understandable." Kat-tah replied conversationally. "I have been found difficult to interact with on various social levels until I was reprimanded continuously by people, and in turn I attempted to be more amiable. While your reaction was due to emotional outliers, mine was simple disinterest and impatience."

It was at that very moment Felicity realized how incredibly human and emotional Spock was when compared to a full-blooded Vulcan. In so many instances, he could barely grasp the concept of a joke and seemed like a detached robot, but his miniscule reactions and facial expressions told epic tales compared to the aloof blankness of Ku-lak and Kat-tah.

The little, black panther decided to play with his mama instead and dragged Piddles over to her side of the couch. Felicity picked both up and placed them in her lap. "You used to be a real ass hole. I'm glad you decided to change for the better." she said trying desperately to lighten the mood.

"You were one of the people who constantly suggested I should change my 'attitude'."

"Glad you took my advice."

"When examining all the contributions you made for the ship and investigations in retrospect, I would be imbecile not to."

Without pause or awkward silence, Ku-lak slipped right into another topic. "Did you hear about the new starships being built?"

"No." said a chuckling Felicity. Conversations never were boring with them.

Spock was interested and sat up straighter. "I have. There will be two hundred new ships, am I right?"

"Around the proximity of two hundred. I never heard an exact number."

"You and Felicity could request to be on them." Kat-tah interjected.

The idea of being back on a starship seemed like heaven to Felicity. "I don't think I'd be allowed anywhere near a ship."

"Do you-oh!" While Kat-tah was speaking, Othello attacked one of the renegade shoelaces on the Vulcan's foot, causing him to jump with a start. Spock was secretly pleased with his attack-cat and the havoc he could cause.

After regaining his composure, Kat-tah tried again to ask, "Do you have any intentions of returning to Starfleet?"

Felicity grimaced. "I can't, remember? Captain Tarr told me before I left the Mercury that I would not be able to get my job back, and the chances of having any job worthwhile in Starfleet is next to nill."

"Have you checked your records on the specific case?" Ku-lak asked.

"Should I have?" She became suspicious.

"Captain Tarr wrote your report very carefully-"

Kat-tah quickly spoke up. "and took the liberty of stretching the truth a bit."

"-to try and prevent you from finding yourself in a situation where your career could no longer develop or progress. He was under the impression, by anonymous support, that you had great talents which should not be wasted."

Felicity was almost frantic with anticipation. "What exactly did the report say?"

Ku-lak sat back in his chair and held up his head defensively. "I did not write it. How should I know? Did you write it, Kat-tah?"

Kat-tah looked at his brother and said, "I did not."

"Ok, I get it."

"I told you we would figure a way to get you back into Starfleet." said Kat-tah looking at her under his eyelashes quite evidently proud of himself.

"How do I find out?" She was bursting with eagerness from the prospect of working for Starfleet again.

Spock was the Vulcan who answered her last question. "The report should be complied with the rest of your personal Starfleet records, of which are kept in the administration building."

Felicity laughed so excited. "This is good news. This is very good news."


	23. Triumph

In life, there is only opportunity. Opportunities for the better, or for the worst, but opportunity nonetheless, and fortunately for Felicity Windsor, her life was filled with them.

Agent of Special Investigations for the Starfleet Office of Special Investigations, or the SOSI. It was prestigious. It was powerful. It was a position of envy. It was daunting, and it was Felicity's new job title. She sat content in the elegantly furnished office the size of her bedroom while sipping on coffee.

The SOSI was directed to take into account all legal and criminal matters concerning the infrastructure of Starfleet. That meant Felicity was doing the same exact thing she was doing on the Mercury but with more distinction, a bigger work space and had the privilege to work planet-side.

Not much required her attention at the moment. There were no outstanding scandals with the Federation either interplanetary or on the sphere she considered home, but it was interesting to see how, transpiring through opportunity, she had gotten there, in that large office...

_The purpose of the twins' visit had not been to elude to a possible reinstatement of Felicity into Starfleet or to show off their clothing. There were multitudes of paintings and other possessions they were charged with to transfer back to her._

_Felicity, Ku-lak, Kat-tah and even Spock helped move all of her things into her apartment. The whole while, she could think of nothing but the prospect of reconciling with Starfleet. Well, even more than that, she constantly thought of quitting her workday job with the San Francisco Police. If things were able to work out as they should, Felicity owed Captain Damien Tarr everything, especially if there was even a glimmer of hope to possibly be hired again as an officer._

_Once the twins left, she immediately missed their presence and the lack of friendly companionship but had much more pressing matters at hand. Unfortunately, it was Saturday, and the campus was closed during the weekend._

_Felicity's obsessive nature lead her to talk about the possibility of returning to Starfleet nonstop. Unless uninterested, it was incredibly difficult for Felicity to forget a fervent topic, and this was one such topic. I could even be assigned to another starship, she thought. This idea put her into hysterics, because she would then be separated from Spock, the same Vulcan who stayed with her the whole weekend dutifully listening to her incessant talking, so she had to quit thinking about another ship assignment to prevent hyperventilation._

_Sunday evening, she and Spock were sitting in her bed, he already having finished his work for the following week and she trying to catch up due to the procrastination of constantly creating different scenarios of the future in her head. She was much more relaxed than she had been the whole weekend, having just made love to Spock in her kitchen...on the granite counter top between the oven and small refrigerator._

_In bed, Felicity resumed her continual position between his legs and rested against his chest, a PADD in her hands. "Do you think I should go back to the Mercury?" she asked looking at him through her eyelashes in an amorous way. It was more of a joke than a significant question._

_"Absolutely not." he replied, breathing in the soft scent of lime in her hair._

_"Why? Would you miss me, or something?" She tilted her head back as far as possible to look at him._

_Spock stared with interest at her newly hung paintings and pretended to answer with disinterest. "Or something." One struck him as peculiar. He had never seen it before. "Felicity, what is the significance of the painting, or portrayal of the woman created with the numerous...dots, I suppose?"_

_Felicity sighed, not wanting to talk about a piece of art she created in her distress from being separated from the gorgeous Vulcan. "It's about trying to find happiness within the context of love."_

_Spock narrowed his eyes a fraction. "When did you create it?"_

_She studied nothing of interest on her PADD to keep away from his chestnut eyes. "During my first couple weeks I was on the Mercury."_

_Not wanting to say out loud but inquiring for more information from sensing her hesitation, he asked, "What were your reasons for devising such a piece?"_

_"Pain. Regret. Trying to occupy my down time."_

_"What was your muse?" He tried his best pretending to be unknowing, but the regret was present nonetheless._

_"I'll give you a few guesses."_

_"I am very sorry for having caused you pain." he said quietly lowering his eyes._

_As sweet as his words were, Felicity was no longer interested in reliving a past when they weren't connected. "I know, I know, and as you know, I'm sorry for being despicable, but I thought that was behind us. It's been a year and a half since I came back."_

_"Yes..." he said hesitantly, "but I still find it difficult to comprehend my actions toward you."_

_As easy as it was to hold a grudge, and as very capable as Felicity was to do so, she could not hold him wholly responsible. "Think about it though, Spock. All you did was call me a fool. I've been called worse, and obviously we're happy enough now. Don't dwell too much on the past. Trust me, it will be to no avail for you."_

_He comprehended the reference to her parents. It was something they didn't speak of often, or even at all, but occasionally she would comment on her early childhood, making him uncomfortably protective. "I understand." Spock nodded and wrapped his arms around her waist._

_Monday morning filled Felicity with nausea and intestinal problems...or so the San Francisco Police thought. After calling into work, Felicity readied herself and headed with Spock toward the administration building. He promised to help her until his classes started later in the morning._

_A disinterested woman was found talking on her communicator in the building. It took great patience on Felicity's part to not punch the woman in the face to gain her attention. Without ending the communication with whoever was on the other line, the apathetic blonde asked, "What can I do for you?"_

_"I need to get my records." Felicity said hastily._

_"What kind of records?"_

_Though a perfectly viable question, Felicity in all her uncertain turmoil couldn't understand why the woman was unable to read her thoughts. "My discharge records." she clarified rather impatiently._

_"Hold on just a minute." she said in an overly-nasally voice. The woman began to sort through files on her PADD. She transferred the appropriate information to a disposable PADD and handed it to Felicity without the smallest of hiccups in her conversation._

_Felicity snatched the device out of the woman's hands and searched the screen. What was listed surprised her. She was assigned to the Temporary Disability Retirement List._

_"What does this mean?" she asked more to herself than anyone around._

_Spock watched how hard she stared at the PADD trying to make sense of it. "What does it say?" he asked looking over her shoulder._

_Shaking her head, she shrugged. "I think...I'm on temporary disability."_

_It did not make any sense why Felicity would be on disability, so Spock took the PADD out of her hands for better inspection._

_"Hey!" she sulked as Spock's dark eyes scanned the document._

_"Fascinating."_

_Her anticipation was spiked even more by his apparent interest. "What? How? What, what's fascinating?"_

_"You're listed on the Temporary Disabilities Retirement List." He pointed to the title on the screen._

_Felicity shook her balled-up fists with agitation. "Yes. I got that much, but what does it mean?"_

_Spock returned the PADD to her and explained. "Only officers or enlisted who had physical or mental conditions that interfered with military service were placed on the TDRL." He quietly wondered how long it took Captain Tarr to find such a loop hole. "During temporary disability, officers are not entitled to benefits but must exhibit an unstable mental or physical condition that has the potential to change within five years. The one stipulation is the officer or enlisted in question must be medically reexamined every eighteen months; the almost perfect amount of time since you had left the ship."_

_The onslaught of information and possibility of reconciling with Starfleet stunned Felicity. "So you're saying, if I get clearance, I'm back in?" She needed to say it aloud to even begin to believe it._

_"If a doctor deems you fit for duty, then yes, you will able to return to duty, or in your case, able to return to a Starfleet-regulated job." He nodded to her, feeling excited himself; this was probably only due to their connection though. There was no logical reason for him to be excited about Felicity's job change, save that it would make her happier._

_It then became time to pay Dr. Leonard McCoy a visit._

_"I have to go see Bones..." she said frantic and disoriented._

_"And I must leave for my classes." He nodded, attempting to take his leave of her._

_In her daze, Felicity had completely forgotten about...anything. She forgot what building she was in, what day it was even that he taught classes. "Alright." She hesitated, not knowing which way to go. "I'll see you tonight, and maybe I'll be an officer again!"_

_Spock stopped, confused. "It would only be predictable to resume your officer's commission given your circumstances and the requirements of the TDRL."_

_"I don't want to be getting my hopes up though." she whined._

_"How would you be getting your hopes up? Those are the stipulations. If you meet them, then you allowed to return. I don't understand your hesitation."_

_"You've seen how badly things can go in my life." She waived the PADD at him. "When this actually does happen, then I'll believe it." They left in opposite directions as she called back, "Have a good day, darling!"_

_Spock ignored her._

_Felicity hurried across campus to the medical building. She weaved through the winding, endless hallways filled with medical instruments, classrooms and labs. Walking to the particular lab Leonard was in, she found it almost full with a variety of students waiting to be attended to. Not finding pride in bypassing everyone, but feeling justified by...well nothing in particular, she walked right up to the man in red she knew. The sooner her physical was conducted, the sooner she could be an officer again. All those people in line were already promised a future._

_Upon seeing Felicity, the irritable doctor rolled his eyes. "I go my whole academic career at Starfleet seeing you only once in three years, and now I see you three times in one damned week."_

_"Aren't you lucky." She beamed a lovely smile at him._

_"What brings you here?" he asked distracted by numerous PADDs he was signing._

_Checking the PADD in her hands, Felicity told him. "I'm on the...TRDL, wait, no. The T...DRL."_

_His expression turned incredulous. "How in God's name did you get on the retirement disabilities list?"_

_Time seemed pressed, so she didn't explain about her captain on the Mercury. "I'm not exactly sure, but I need you to give me a physical and say I can work for Starfleet again."_

_"Why would you want to do that?" he said with distaste._

_"Come on. Please?"_

_"I'm very busy." He was not joking either. Almost every bed in the expansive room was occupied. "You could always schedule an appointment." he suggested._

_"Seriously?" Anxiety filled her senses at the prospect of not being attended to immediately._

_They stood together in the room for a long moment before he shook his head. "...No. Sit up there." Leonard pointed to a sickbay bed and grabbed his medical tricorder off a table._

_She practically vaulted onto the bed more than ready to be examined. He began to run the tricorder all along her body, making notes on another PADD._

_"Where's your body guard today?" he asked casually while checking the condition of her heart._

_The weekend gave her enough time to forget her anger over the evening at the bar. Not that Leonard had in any way participated in the slandering. She heaved a sigh and retorted halfheartedly. "Quit making fun."_

_"Did I miss any brawls Friday night?" he pressed on rascally._

_She leaned toward him, giving Leonard a naughty smile. "Just the one with me and Spock in the bedroom."_

_He put down his tricorder and stared daggers at her. "I shouldn't give you medical clearance for making me even think about that."_

_Felicity just laughed at him, while he used the PADD at his side to make more notes about her health. "Is this what you do all day?" she asked breaking another silence._

_"Treating patients? Typically. I am a doctor, you know."_

_Continuing to probe in an effort to learn more about her new friend, she asked, "Do you ever work with newer cadets and show them how to do all this?"_

_"What did I just say? I'm a doctor, not a teacher. That's what med school's for." Leonard rescanned her whole body quickly then handed her the PADD certifying her well-being. "Now you have to go back to administration and request a reentry with evidence of physical health."_

_"What about mental health?"_

_Leonard shrugged with feigned disappointment. "I can't help you there, Felicity."_

_"Thank you, Bones." Felicity earnestly without any hint of amusement or sarcasm on her face._

_"Sure. Come by and put me far behind schedule again sometime."_

_Her heart sunk. She did hate being a bother. "Oh, I'm so sorry."_

_"Don't worry about it. Now go on. Go." He waived her off affectionately and left to treat his other patients._

_It took a month for all of her records to be reviewed before she was given back her title. During that time, Felicity did not quit her job; just because her station was restored did not promise immediate employment, but it did come soon enough._

_During an extended lunch one Tuesday afternoon, Felicity had taken little Othello to Spock's office, since the three of them would be retreating to his apartment at the end of the day. On her way out of the physics building, she found her old Security adviser talking with the new head of the physics department. He was a tall, older man with pepper colored hair and thin, circular glasses. He wore a surprisingly vibrant, plaid coat over his black uniform. Felicity didn't know his name, nor did she care much at that point._

_"Commander Loring!" she shouted a bit too loud gaining his attention._

_"'Commodore Loring' now, Miss Windsor. I was promoted." The portly man smiled broadly while correcting her. The delight in seeing her again was evident in his expression._

_Felicity wasn't acquainted with the newer department head and was in no mood to have a conversation with him, so she politely ignored him while continuing to speak with her beloved instructor. "For how long?"_

_"Oh, only about five months." He waived it off as if it were nothing._

_Opportunity. She was savvy enough to recognize it when presented. She went on to ask him nonchalantly, "Since you're here, I was wondering if you know of any positions available. I'm now Starfleet certified again."_

_The eyebrows on his round face drew together in confusion. "I thought you already were?"_

_She quickly took the time to explain to him, without too much detail, the story of her almost dishonorable discharge._

_"You could work in the physics department." the man in plaid informally suggested._

_She hesitated, not wanting to be rude by completely dismissing the offer. "Um...I really don't know anything about physics, so I doubt I'd do you any good."_

_"Oh no, investigation is Miss Windsor's forte." Commodore Loring lightly patronized the physics professor before racking his brain for any possible jobs. He nodded to himself as one came to mind. "One of our staff has retired leaving her position available. I could give my recommendation for you, if you decide to apply."_

_"What position is it?" she asked hopefully._

_"An SOSI agent."_

_The awe on Felicity's face could not have been adequately expressed with words. She didn't need a description of the job title; everyone in investigations knew exactly what that acronym meant._

_"Yes. Yes, of course I'll apply." she said breathlessly._

_"I'm sure you'll get it too. I heard the reports about the work you did with the Bolian ambassador. Impeccable work."_

_The gratitude blossomed inside her. "Thank you." she said before walking away with new purpose._

_Matters in which Commander...Commodore Loring concerned himself with always swayed to support his petitions. He had gotten her the position on the Mercury, and she was certain he could lobby this job as well. She was going to get the excitement back in her life..._

And so, in an office three times the size of Spock's, as she like to constantly remind him, Felicity sat with multiple reports scattered all around her, some on pieces of paper, others on PADDs, and others yet were scribbled in ink on Felicity's own hand.

She only held the position for three months but already investigated three complicated matters on Earth concerning several important, Starfleet dignitaries that as it turns out were not so dignified at all, and she had also investigated the so-called "insurrection" of a captain and his crew. Fortunately, the captain's decision to not follow Starfleet-issued orders prevented altercations with a Cardassian Jagul.

After she made the report which would clear the captain and all participants of pending court-martials, she then had the privilege of writing the report against the admiral who had issued the original orders. The investigation was significant to her; not in a vocational aspect, but the prospect of being court-martialed or having all titles and Starfleet employment being revoked was an experience she was all too well acquainted with.

Aside from the very publicly embarrassing scandals of the three dignitaries and the matter of insurrection, the three months of employment passed smoothly. At the moment, no pending investigations were in line, and she had the time to relax.

The spacious office overlooked the San Francisco Bay, and in no way was Felicity complaining. She could feel proud of herself and her achievements, even if not completely warranted. Much was owed to Captain Tarr for his skill and diplomacy. Her first order of business when sitting down in her new office for the first time had been to send him a communication vigorously thanking him for his efforts.

The Betazoid replied with a hearty inquiry of her well-being, then jokingly added he needn't be worried since she was now more influential than himself. He also added an assumptive well-wishing from her Mazarite and Vulcan friends and informed her their mission would end soon enough, and she could possibly get another assignment on the Mercury then if she wanted.

It presented much thought on Felicity's part. Going back was tempting, and she knew it had always been a possibility, but this time she had so much more invested in her relationship with Spock that she couldn't help but dismiss the offer.

One of the few unfortunate circumstances about the job was that Ku-lak and Kat-tah were not able to stay on Earth long enough to see her startling change of events. Sometimes she would often stop and consider to herself why she adored them so much. Felicity just assumed that she got on better with Vulcans than humans. The ratio was pretty discouraging for her hope to ever one day be able to properly interact with people of her same species. Not counting Jim, because she had hardly seen much of him, her friends were 3 humans to 3 Vulcans to 1 Mazarite to 1 cat. The statistics proved it had been a reasonable idea to join Starfleet; Felicity could only imagine how few friends she would have if she didn't interact regularly with other species.

It was amazing how one's concentration can wain with such a beautiful, office view.

Relaxing in her seat, she smiled smugly to herself. It was more advantageous to work at the academy and presented much more potential for excitement than did the San Fran police. The following year would prove to be a more interesting one, even though she and Spock would both be thirty years old. It was nothing for him with his extended life span, but for Felicity, thirty marked an undesirable time. She was getting older, but for the first time in a long while, her life seemed infallible.

Everything was finally going right.


	24. Abominable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has the rape/non-con scene that is fairly ugly. I'll put ### at the beginning and end of it if you need to skip it

Spock was finishing a report about the academic credentials of cadets in his various classes. It was the last report requiring him to update their status and grades before finals in one month, at the beginning of June. Many of his students would be graduating the academy too which made him oddly aware of an acute sensitivity to time passed.

He had been teaching for three years, and the job of educating group after group of illogical future officers was wearing on him. At least as an influential officer on a starship, they would have to listen and do as he commanded whether or not their parents knew the dean of the academy.

Once resolutely deciding who possessed the capacity to pass his classes and who would fail miserably, he collected his belongings and took the report to the head of his department. 

While walking through the building, Spock let his mind wander to the other significant aspect in life; Felicity. His lips formed the smallest ghost of a smile when thinking of the passionate lovemaking from the night before.

Spock was beginning to enjoy sex just as much as her; often times coming home to find himself requesting it. In a certain fashion, of course, by silently initiating with strategically placed touches and caresses. For instance, last night he found Felicity washing her face in his bathroom. Rather than patiently waiting for her to initiate lovemaking, he silently stalked into the bathroom and had her on the floor.

Unfortunately a generous amount of apprehension clouded the memory when truth and comprehension came to the forefront of his consciousness.

Soon enough he would be thirty and could feel the biological changes in his body. His Pon Farr. How he hated the phrase, and the blatantly increased need for sexual gratification was disturbing. Spock was unsure what would transpire due to his dual-heritage, but he kept an illogical sense of hope that the continual satiation of lust would prevent the blood fever.

Rounding the corner into the office of the head of the physics department, he encountered two men rather than the one he was expecting.

Standing in front of the head of the physics department, was an older man with graying hair in a black uniform. Spock would have been considered ignorant if he hadn't recognized the acclaimed Captain Pike talking with his department superior. He was tall and thin with an audacious ambitious nature. Starfleet considered him one of the most prestigious captains of the entire fleet even considering his emotional and illogical form of command. The older man's keen eyes leveled with his own as he arrived, immediately desisting any conversation.

Commander Sczechnowich was sitting pleasantly at his desk. "Spock, I'm glad you're here. I've told Captain Pike here about your credentials, and he thinks you would make a great science officer on his new ship." The man always wearing a plaid blazer over his black uniform smiled at him. The amiable commander seemed to know every protocol to social interaction perfectly. At first, Spock considered the man a futile representative of rhetoric, but as time passed and the two worked more closely together, he realized Commander Sczechnowich was also well versed in astrophysics, nuclear physics, particle physics and even theoretical physics. The Vulcan considered him a very pleasant human to interact with on a daily basis.

It was not an unexpected proposal. In many instances, he had been offered positions on various ships, but the prospect of leaving Felicity did not appealed to him. "Thank you for your advocacy, Commander, but I planned to instruct at the academy several more years."

Captain Pike's deeper voice resonated as he gave Spock a confident smile. "Son, you need to be on this ship. I could really use your skills."

"I will consider the offer." Turning to the head of his department, he offered the man in plaid the PADD. "I have my reports, sir."

Sczechnowich took the device surprised. "Already?"

The tall Vulcan lifted his head a fraction higher and said with undetectable hubris, "Naturally."

He chuckled lightly. "Forgive my awe, Commander. I only wish I was as proficient as yourself. Thank you for these. I will address them within a few days."

"Give my proposal some thought too." Pike added with fortitude.

Spock merely nodded to the older man and glided effortlessly out the office. The position would be considered to be sure, but he would not invest too much time in futility.

Making his way the short distance to his apartment, Spock considered what he would do until Felicity arrived. His plans for what they would do when she returned were already created and consisted of some fairly inventive positions, at least he considered so.

After entering the code allowing him to enter the apartment, he was again presented with more company than expected. Felicity was still dressed in her black uniform standing with Oona in the living room in front of a large canvas; all three covered in paint. Both women were laughing profusely and didn't even notice his arrival.

"What are you doing here?" he asked gaining their attention. The question was directed toward his lover who was not due to be relieved from work for another two hours and seventeen minutes.

Fluttering her eyelashes at him flirtatiously, she said, "I date the Vulcan who livess here."

Spock consented to her reasoning since he had inadequately asked the question. "I am quite aware, but why are you not at work?"

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled conspiratorially at him. "Ended up taking a really long lunch."

"You're lucky to have a position of prestige, otherwise you would not be able to circumvent all the trouble you cause."

Dismissing him, Oona rolled her eyes. "Oh, hush. I had the day off and wanted to spend my time with company rather than being alone."

"And you encourage this behavior in her." Spock noticed Oona's naked ear and was fairly surprised. He was about to question her lapse of individuality when he noticed a large, silver stud littered with light blue gems in her other ear. "Why are you only wearing one earring?"

"I forgot to put the other in this morning."

Upon entering further into the room, he noticed the various empty bottles on his previously uncluttered coffee table. He looked at Felicity accusingly. "Have you been drinking?"

She stuck her nose up at him and sniffed with mock disdain. "Nat-chur-elly." Even in an inebriated stupor, Felicity had the uncanny ability to retain her arrogance. Spock raised an amused eyebrow at her, always surprised at how similar they truly were.

Oona seized one of the bottles and offered it to him. "It's some of my rice wine. Would you like some, dear?"

"Oona, you know I do not drink alcohol."

"Might do you some good. You could use to loosen up." She bestowed the bottle into his hands then rummaged through her bag.

"Doessn't he? I tell him all the time." Felicity remarked still standing by the canvas.

A small container of flaky, green sheets appeared in Oona's hand, and she offered them to Spock. "Would you like some seaweed instead?"

"Some what?" he asked dubiously.

"Toasted seaweed. It's delicious! My husband sends me bags of it..to remind me of home." A tear glistened in her narrow eyes.

The younger woman tried her best to endorse the crisp, salty flakes. "Whenever I burp, it tastess like the oshan. Issn't that great?" Spock merely stared at her.

Oona shook the contents of the tray. "Try a piece."

"No." he said resolutely.

"You can, becausse technically you can conssider it a vegetable."

"No, thank you." He slowly shook his head at the women before him. "Excuse me. I need to shower and change."

"Need any help?" Felicity asked innocently.

"Not from a person who eschews work." he called back to her while walking away.

"I don't think he'ss ever ussed that one before." She looked at her paint-covered hands and froze, horrified. "Oh God. I'm messsy. Calm down, Felicity. It'ss going to be ok. Jusst wassh your handss. Deep breathss."

Oona helped Felicity begin their cleaning by washing brushes and rags as well as themselves in the kitchen sink.

While wiping the dried paint off her hands, Felicity spotted her prey walking casually up to her; completely unaware. She moved as fast as lightning and snatched Othello into her arms, cradling him like a child.

Little tufts of white fur were beginning to sprout on his soft chest. Running her fingers through the colorless hairs, Felicity teased him. "You're getting to be an old man, aren't you?" She securely held one of his paws and dipped it into the blue paint. Othello's paw was gently pressed against the canvas in various spots, while the panther tried his best to struggle against his mother's arms.

When finished with him, she gently washed his paw in the kitchen sink. The running water made Othello squirm even more, but his mother was a master at handling him and was able to clean him without any hint of a scratch on her body. Once clean, he scrambled away as soon as his feet touched the floor and ran into the bedroom.

Othello was not happy about his wet paw and sulked under Spock's bed with Piddles for comfort.

Oona sipped a fresh cup of green tea while staring at the abstract and completely meaningless painting she and Felicity made. Though it didn't make sense, the colors appeared much more vivid due to the wine. The younger woman in black came to stand in front of the painting too. The Tahitian always gave credit where it was due, and the outstanding ability Felicity had to not ruin her uniform with even a spot of paint was beyond her. Oona's own clothes had flecks of paint all over. Not that she didn't like the interest it created, and she even considered recreating the effect with paint splatters on other pieces in her wardrobe.

The women continued staring at the chaotic painting, neither talking, until a wet Vulcan came into the room freshly dressed in his own black clothes and brought them out of their trance. "Why is Othello's paw wet?"

"We ussed him to paint with. Ssee?" Felicity pointed to the canvas where there was a collection of little, blue paw prints.

"What made you think that was a reputable idea?" he asked, his voice almost hinting at the emotional nature of his incredulous response.

Oona missed the slight widening of his eyes and the deeper furrow in his brow, but Felicity did not, and she started smiling at him. "He wanted to paint with uss."

"I am most certain he did not. He's sulking now under the bed. He even took Piddles. Felicity, you upset him." Though intoxicated, she could still detect the empathy in his infinitesimally higher voice.

"You ssound like your mom, Sspock." she said, waving him off.

"I couldn't even imagine what you will be like with your real children." Oona continued to sip her tea with a matronly expression.

The Vulcan walked away from the two giggling women and muttered a phrase similar to, "Someone is required to defend him."

"He'll make a good father." she said to Felicity when he was out of hearing distance.

The thought of making little pointy-eared babies made the younger woman smile affectionately. "MmmHmm."

Oona and Felicity continued to stare at the painting. The latter was swaying slightly for extra perceptual interest. A movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention, and she saw Spock reappear with a safely protected Othello and Piddles in his arms. She leaned against his shoulder when he reached her.

The wise, Tahitian woman looked at the young couple. Though very odd, they were also very perfect for each other. She wished to congratulate them on their relationship, but the wine still being filtered by her liver caused a lapse in judgment. "I'm so glad you two ended up together. I could remember Nyota talking constantly in my classes about how much she liked you, Spock. I'm glad there was never anything more between you beyond the one kiss."

The playful, drunken revere Felicity inhabited immediately vanished. "What?"

The poor, old woman knew the words were poison as the were passing her lips but could do nothing to stop them. "Oh Nyota used to go to his office all the time when you were gone and brought him lunch and would get him to to out to bars and gave him Othello. She really wanted him to be hers."

Spock could feel his ears burning as Oona raddled on about the unwarranted affinity between him and Nyota. The scene reminded him of the dangerous effects of alcohol, and he kept his eyes safely averted from Felicity.

She turned on him slowly, half-confused and half-irate. "You went out with her to bars? You refuse to go anywhere of the sort with me, unless under some misapprehension concerning my safety."

"I only went with her and Gaila once." was his best attempt at reprieve.

Her heart began to beat faster, and her breath shortened. "And she spent all kinds of time in your office?"

"She was concerned about her acad-"

"And you kissed her?!" Felicity's voice grew louder as realization set in.

Spock wanted to deny the incident with all his heart, but the transaction occurred, and he could not lie to her. "She initiated the act. I-"

"Did you forget to tell me all of this?!"

His speech got faster as he spoke hinting at anxiety. "It was of no significance to you. Nyota and I were in no relationship, and her feelings were in no way reciprocate-"

"I don't care!" Othello jumped out of his dad's arms scared by his upset mother. "Is this why she stays around, why she's my friend even though it's obvious we hate each other? Is she waiting for her next chance to jump on you by biding her time within reach?"

"I made it perfectly clear to her we will only ever have a friendly association."

"That doesn't matter! She doesn't have to listen to you. Hell, she gave you our cat!" Felicity stomped off ferociously into the bedroom. The door slid shut behind her leaving Oona and Spock standing silently together in the living room.

"Oh dear. I'm so sorry, I obviously wasn't thinking before I spoke, as usual."

"It's alright, Oona."

She looked around the room at the various brushes and bottles lying around. "I'll finish cleaning up, and then head home. Please tell Felicity I'm very sorry too."

"I certainly will." After staring at the closed bedroom door for what seemed like an aeon, he began helping Oona collect empty wine bottles and tidy his unruly apartment.

Spock went to wake Felicity several hours later. He spent the time grading papers in his study after Oona left but couldn't help want to be around his lover. There was never a moment in time when he wished to upset her, and even though it had been inadvertent, the tension was far too excessive for him to perform adequately. Not to mention, the original lust he felt from earlier was rising.

Othello slept next to Felicity with one paw touching her. For exactly seven minutes and thirteen seconds, he stood at the side of the bed staring at her with his troublesome phallus trying to dictate his actions. If he were to instigate any sexual copulation after their altercation, she would probably refuse to have sex with him for a month, so he needed to preserve. Resisting any urge, he gingerly sat on the bed and lovingly rubbed her arm.

Stretching her short body, Felicity groaned. "Mmmm...I wanna die."

"It wouldn't surprise me. You drank three bottles of Oona's wine."

She shielded her eyes from the ceiling lights. "It is too late for you to be a smart ass."

"I'll get you some water." He turned and left her lying hungover in bed.

Felicity felt unnaturally aroused. It was as if her body was having a mind of it's own and wanted the man in the apartment. Thinking on the matter in some depth, she concluded it must have been her own desires. No amount of sexual attraction from Spock ever felt as stimulating as what she was currently experiencing. It must have been the wine.

When Spock returned, he handed Felicity the glass of water and sat on the side of the bed. He watched her for a few minutes before speaking. "Earlier today, I was offered an assignment on one of the new flagships of the fleet."

"What about telling me I could never leave you again? I guess that doesn't work the other way around, does it?"

"I never said I accepted the offer."

"But it would be foolish if you didn't." she conceded more to herself than to him. It was indeed a great opportunity, not that Spock didn't deserve such an opportunity.

"You must still be inebriated." he teased playfully.

"No I'm not! I know you didn't come here just to teach though." The water was gulped down in an effort to relieve the onset of a headache. After the glass was drained, she asked pointedly. "Do you know what Nyota plans to do when she graduates next month?"

"She has made it quite clear to me about her desires to serve on the new U.S.S. Enterprise."

Felicity found that to be very interesting news. "Can you dictate where she goes?"

He nodded while eying her hungrily. "Only if I am an officer on the ship. I assume the assignment offered to me was in regards to the Enterprise. It would be illogical for Captain Pike to request my presence on anything other than a flagship."

"Nose down, Spock. Don't be so arrogant."

"I am merely confident, Felicity." He laced his fingers with her own.

Deciding to not broach the inconsequential subject of Spock and Nyota any more for the night, she started to do the math in her head. "To think she's graduating is crazy. That means I've been here for five years. Ugh."

Kissing the soft skin of her wrist, Spock tried to encourage her, hoping she would be more amiable at the suggestion of sex. "Considering the various roles and vocational positions you've held, you have been fairly successful in your five years. There is a fair amount of experience in your background."

"Do you think you want a job on the Enterprise?"

"It would be an improvement." Felicity was silent at his reply, and he quickly added, "I'm sure the ship would require security personnel."

"I would ascertain so." she said with a certain amount of melancholy.

"Would you like to be assigned to the Enterprise?" he asked watching her reaction carefully.

"Are you asking me if I find it acceptable for you to make a decision about a prominent change in our lives, because that's what I heard, and I am a bit reluctant. I've just started my new job and haven't even been working for Starfleet again for nine months. It's better than my record on the Mercury, but still."

A pointed eyebrow lifted. "Did you not want to be on a starship?"

She shrugged. "Eventually I would like another assignment, but later. Right now, I'm content right where I am. Are you wanting to leave me?"

"I was merely observing possibilities for us." He began tracing little circles along her wrist.

Felicity looked at him from under her lashes. "Don't leave me."

His response was much more satisfying than she expected, when he captured her mouth with his.

Spock made love to Felicity twice that night in an attempt to sate his rising lust. Unfortunately it did nothing but further incite his craving for her.

He sat up in bed with her snoring lightly at his side, a hard erection between his legs. Waking her again was out of the question, so instead Spock reviewed various theories of science to take his mind off his throbbing lower body.

******************************************************************

Walking as fast as possible away from her office, Felicity heard the door slide shut behind her. She stepped into the turbolift and was whisked down to the ground floor of the security building. An unexpected communication from the day before was cause for turbulent enthusiasm.

The three-year assignment on the U.S.S. Mercury ended last week, and the crew returned to San Francisco. While the others were busy being reassimilated to civilian activity, Kat-tah was working in the academy's sickbay as an adjunct doctor and had requested Felicity's presence for lunch that early afternoon. It was amazing to think how differently their three years each passed.

Her short legs carried her swiftly through the hallway and almost out the door before she was obstructed by a sullen Jim Kirk.

His face was immediately animated when he recognized the officer in black before him. "Felicity! I was on my way to your office."

She considered slipping by but tried her best to remain sociable. "Jim, why would you need to be in the security building much less my office? Have you been arrested or court martialed?"

"Of course I haven't. I wanted to ask you, based on your qualifications and superior expertise in security matters, if you could possibly help me hack into the Kobayashi Maru."

Silence passed between them, before false realization dawned on her. "Oh, so you're going to be court martialed."

Hands were pressed together as if praying. "Please. I need to pass the test to become a captain. I've already taken it twice."

"You don't need to pass it to be a captain. That wasn't the purpose when Spock created the program."

Jim's eyes narrowed. "He's the one who made that stupid test?"

Felicity nodded completely oblivious to consensus among the students who hated the test. "Ya, it's been a project he's worked on for years."

"Well, I'm gonna beat it."

"Doubtful." she replied simply.

"You're going to help me." He pointed a finger at her collarbone.

Visions of being fired for something so absurd plagued her thoughts, and she actually tried to walk past while saying, "Oh no I'm not."

Jim grabbed her shoulders, halting her retreat. "That test is a joke, and if I can find a way to beat it, I would be a hero to all Starfleet cadets everywhere, giving everyone hope."

"Are you always this adamant?" Felicity chuckled.

Elation lit his boyish features as he misread her comment. "Absolutely! So you'll help?"

"Nope."

He released her shoulders and pouted. "Aw, Felicity, really?"

"Really, Jim. I'm going to help you cheat. Did your parents raise you to be this unruly?"

"No, my uncle did, because my mom was always off-planet, and my dad died when I was born."

Felicity found herself in another instance where she was unsure about social protocol. Most people regretted the deaths of their parents, and yet she had fond memories of the day her own died. She was unsure if she should congratulate him or feign empathy. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Jim heaved a dramatic sigh and donned a meaningful look. "It's fine. He died as captain of the ship he saved, but I know he'd be proud of me for passing the Kobayashi Maru, and I can't do it without help."

She rolled her eyes while inching toward the door. "Poetic, Jim."

"Please?"

"Ask Gaila. Nyota told me she works on the simulation." she said waiving him off hurriedly.

"Where are you going?" he asked chasing after her.

Shaking her head, she wished to have the omnipotent power to make the man disappear. "To medical."

"Hurt yourself?"

"Meeting a friend." she clipped.

"Bones?" he whispered harshly. Conspiracy glittered in his eyes.

"Jim, I've helped you out, now go away."

"It is Bones then!" His voice was triumphant.

Felicity stopped in her tracks and faced him. "No it's not. Remember the two Vulcans who came to the bar with me that one time last year?"

The blonde considered it for a few seconds before replying, "No."

"Of course you don't. Now go." Turning around, she resumed her quest.

Felicity spotted Kat-tah talking on his communicator standing outside the medical building. The light breeze blowing through campus fixed his hair in disarray, and she thought it was an improvement over the harsh, straight cut most Vulcans wore. He nodded at her in acknowledgment while trying to end the long-distance conversation.

When finished, he put the communicator in his pocket and said, "Ku-lak wishes me to convey his regards."

A smile widened across her lips. It was indeed very curious to see Kat-tah without his younger twin. "Where's Ku-lak?"

"On Vulcan."

This surprised Felicity even more. "But I thought you two were never separated."

"Obviously you considered wrong." Kat-tah corrected with ease.

"He told me that you were never given different assignments."

"I do not doubt you, but your statement does not include leisure time. There are no pending assignments, so there is no need to be consistently together." Before she could get another inquiry out, he asked, "Do you wish to sit in my temporary office and resume our conversation?"

The quick change of subject delayed her answer. "I was actually thinking I might like some coffee. Do you have time to go off-campus?"

"The chaotic medical students have more than enough caffeine products, but if you would prefer to leave, I have a sufficient amount of time."

He never ceased to amaze her with his terribly dry humor and jests. Pointing in some random direction which had no correlation to any place she wanted to frequent, Felicity nodded answering his question. "There's a place right around the corner, I like, and that way I won't keep you for too long."

Kat-tah opened his mouth about to speak but decided against his original thought. Instead, he nodded once and said, "Please lead the way."

They did not walk far to the small shop. It was only a block away from campus, located on a rural street with tiny houses along the road. Inside, it smelled like pastries and plastic, and various tables were scattered over the floor plan.

Felicity ordered a tall cappuccino from the counter while Kat-tah only requested water. They found a table that seated two in front of a window and sat down.

Without hesitation, she was quick to regain their postponed repartee. "So what is Ku-lak doing on Vulcan?"

He rested against the back of his chair and folded his hands neatly in his lap fully prepared for the inquisition. "Tending to his mate."

"Wouldn't you want to visit your family?" she asked barely after he finished speaking.

"They are in good health, and I have no outstanding appointments with them, so there is no reason for me to return."

"Especially since you no longer have a mate?"

Not one muscle in his body save for his mouth moved. The calm exterior was a perfect mirror for his collected Vulcan interior. "Precisely."

"And you won't tell me what happened?" she more complained than asked.

"I feel the matter is too personal to disclose."

A small, nagging voice in the back of her mind was comparing her whining to Jim's from earlier. "Even to a friend?"

He lifted an eyebrow at her. "Even a friend."

Shaking her head disappointed, Felicity took a sip of her coffee with a great amount of apprehension. She greatly dislike hot drinks, not because of the flavor or composition, but because she always burned her tongue. The coffee was still scalding, and she berated herself for falling victim to the deceitful beverage once again.

Pushing the drink off the side for it to cool longer, she looked back at Kat-tah. "What are your plans for your stay?"

"Personal research."

"What type of research exactly?"

"Human courting rituals." Kat-tah wondered to himself how long it would take before Felicity grew tired of his simple answers and lack of progressing their conversation by asking his own questions.

It was her turn to lift an eyebrow at him. "Why would you come here to study human courting rituals?"

His eyes slowly narrowed, and he regarded her with a blank, smug look. "It would be illogical to relocate to another planet to study humans."

Closing her eyes in frustration, she amended her query. "I meant, why are you studying that topic in particular?"

"Personal research."

Felicity lowered her face into her palms. "Oh my God..."

Under the impression he had caused her enough harassment, Kat-tah sat forward and asked, "I was curious if you would help me with my research."

She glanced at her steaming drink briefly. "How would you expect me to help?"

"Offer explanations if I require them. I have come to understand humans are unwilling to offer information about mating and relationships freely, because it is considered inappropriate and socially unacceptable to do so. You however, are socially unacceptable regardless, so I assumed you would be amiable enough to contribute data."

Her face was humorless as she answered. "As flattered as I am by your heartfelt words, have you seen the flaw in your plan?"

Unaware that he could conceive of any plan involving a flaw, Kat-tah shook his head slightly. "No."

"I'm not courting a human." Felicity eyed him with great amusement.

He unfolded his hands and made small gestures while talking. "Yes, but he has had to assimilate to mating techniques of your preference, I am sure."

"Yes."

"And I would also assume some of these techniques are even appreciated by him."

She scooted closer to the table, curious. "Like what? What did you have in mind?"

"Kissing for instance. Vulcans do not indulge in such a...futile act, but one could only guess it could be pleasurable in a sense." His gaze rested on the table as if contemplating what a frivolous kiss might feel like.

Becoming suddenly businesslike, Felicity bargained with him. "I'll only tell you things, if you tell me why you ended your relationship."

The offer was not considered long before Kat-tah agreed. "That is a fair enough exchange, considering the greater amount of information I will be obtaining from you. I felt no affection for her."

She stared at him in disbelief, half expecting a different answer to come. When he offered no other explanation, she laughed one short, loud laugh. "You didn't love her? What a human thing to do." Felicity knew what to expect as she said it. What better way to insult a Vulcan than to compare him to a human, but Kat-tah was neither affronted nor insulted and made no comment on the comparison.

"Vulcans are not without emotion, Felicity." he said tilting his head to the side.

"I'm very aware, Kat-tah. I'm dating one, remember?"

As he took a sip of his water, she almost saw an expression of distaste cross his strong features, but quickly rejected the illogical idea. She obviously was imagining things. "How could I forget? I am curious, how old is Commander Spock?"

"Thirty. We're both thirty this year. How old are you, Kat-tah?" Normally she wouldn't care about age, but the odd context in which he asked her about Spock's age made her curious.

"I am eighty seven." he said calmly.

Felicity couldn't help but laugh at him. "Wow. You're pretty old then."

"Only approximately the equivalent of a forty-year-old human." Kat-tah added offhandedly, "Your unorthodox mate is close to the equivalent of a fifteen-year-old."

The comparison made her feel uncomfortable, but it was ridiculous to think of Spock as a fifteen-year-old. He did far too many things boys his age were just learning about. "Hmm."

"Has he been treating you fairly?"

"What kind of question is that? He's a Vulcan, just like you, and has the same pacifistic and calm demeanor. How could a man with no violence in him be treating me bad?"

His emotionless eyes stared at her without wavering. "You did not answer my question."

"Occasionally he is gruff, but I can be a lot to handle."

Kat-tah was no unseasoned youth and was well aware of the physiological changes a Vulcan male goes through; Spock was the proper age. "This is alarming." he said gravely serious.

"Spock's half-human. His emotions aren't as solidified behind logic as yours." Felicity waved her hand at him.

Hoping the young Vulcan had the decency to inform his mate about the requirements his body would demand soon, Kat-tah reluctantly changed the subject. Felicity was none of his business. "Are you planning to return to the Mercury in six weeks? I am almost certain Captain Tarr would allow you to resume your commission with him."

She shook her head while testing the temperature of her coffee with a finger. "I know he would. We've talked about it, but I just can't see it as a realistic scenario of my future."

"Does your scenario of the future only include Commander Spock, or do you wish to progress and evolve into your full potential?"

Again she disregarded the coffee but not due to the heat. She was unsure why Kat-tah was continually demeaning her beau. "What does that mean?"

"Do you really want to be the consort of a man who will always shadow your own achievements?" He relaxed against his seat and refolded his hands.

Felicity stared at him with an open mouth. "I don't get what you're saying."

"You need to mature, Felicity. A third of your life has passed, and you wish to waste the rest?"

She was well aware her life was fleeting, but having to discuss it made her anxious. "You mean with him?"

"Not necessarily, but I have taken notice how you have consistently courted men who also act as caregivers. You are strong-willed in so many respects, but then submit yourself to the will your partner. Whatever decision Commander Spock makes about his change of career will unlikely include your personal wishes." He took a dignified sip of his water. "There is no need to predicate your existence on the approval of others."

It was true, and she knew it. The flaws of her character laid out in front of them both. The words were so easy for Kat-tah to say, they almost seemed fluid, but to her, they resonated verity. She bowed her head in defeat, for she could not argue against the truth, and said, "I'm only human."

Kat-tah continued to shake his head disapprovingly. "Continually degrading. You are human. 'Only' indicates inferiority."

"I would have expected you to think I'm inferior, since I'm not Vulcan." she said with an attempt at humor.

The emotionless eyes changed while addressing her. They still were void of any emotion, but to Felicity, Kat-tah's eyes seemed softer. "A true Vulcan and advocate of peace and equality does not consider him or herself to be superior. We are merely different." "

Felicity smiled wryly at his argument. "You're very right, though you could be a bit more gentle."

Something that couldn't exactly be described as a smile but almost as genial touched Kat-tah's expression. "I do not wish to ruin you with praise."

***************************************************************

Spock was in a foul mood when he arrived at Felicity's apartment with multiple PADDs in hand and Othello in his carrier. Once freed, the feline cantered quickly away from his grumpy father. He set the PADDs on the small table in the living room and simply stared at them, lost in thought.

Felicity walked out of her room, having heard him come in, and smiled. "Hey. I just got home too. I was busy working on a new investigation all afternoon."

"Fascinating." His answer was devoid of the typical interest, and he didn't even bother to look at her while erratically looking through random PADDs.

She decided to try another route for conversation. "Did you talk to your mom today like you were supposed to?"

"No." he snapped savagely.

The coarse response caught Felicity even more by surprise. Taking a tentative step toward him, she asked, "What's wrong?"

His eyes were trained on the table as he answered her. "A cadet reprogrammed my simulation and defrauded the test."

A foreboding feeling in the pit of her stomach twisted itself into a knot. "Who?"

For the first time since he arrived, Spock looked upon Felicity. "Your friend, Cadet Kirk."

"Really? That's unexpected." It was an inside joke to herself, and he knew the consequences could be great, but she couldn't help crack a smile.

"I intend to see he is properly reprimanded for his actions."

She shook her head and continued to walk across her living room to where he stood by the table. Small hands were placed on his hard chest. "Aww. Jim's not a bad guy, Spock. He just had a rough upbringing."

"That is hardly a relevant excuse to cheat on a test." he said staring down his nose at her.

"Not really. Maybe if you had taken more behavioral classes, you would know how important a person's childhood is for creating their adult character and integrity. He lost his dad when he was born and lacked that stabilizing factor."

A sly interest appeared on Spock's face, and he narrowed his eyes at her revelation. "How did he lose his father?"

"Apparently his dad had been a bit of a hero with Starfleet and encountered some Romulans who threatened to destroy his ship. He sacrificed himself to save the others on board."

The gorgeous Vulcan silently contemplated the new found information. His vicious pride was becoming more prominent every second, and the prospect of using such knowledge to humiliate and condescend the cadet proved to be a very pleasant idea. Spock remained quiet for so long, Felicity had rested her head against his chest. When he realized she was still there, he continued with his vendetta. "Then the cadet should have understood the purpose of the test."

"Calm down. Everything will be resolved."

"I have full confidence it will be resolved with his expulsion."

Stepping away from him, Felicity stared at him surprised by the ill-tempered conviction with which he regarded the conflict. "Oh don't do that. It's only in his nature, in any human's nature really. We like to win and do well, and when neither possibility is present, there tends to be an apathy connected. That's why so many cadets are afraid of your test; you offer them no solution but to fail. People will not even try to make an attempt when they know this, but Jim actually put in a great amount of effort to try and understand the stipulations and how to beat it, which I think is one of the best responses you've gotten. He hated the test because it's unbeatable, and I don't blame him. Why make a test you can't win?"

Her lack of faith was distressing. "I believe I've explained my reasoning to you before."

"Graduation is in a week. When do you plan to address this?"

Clasping he hands behind him, he addressed Felicity like a subordinate. "Tomorrow the academic board will consider the matter and make a decision."

"So soon? Really, Spock, he's brilliant at everything he does. Why not let this one slide?"

Another wave of refreshed anger washed over him, and it became difficult to not yell at her when speaking. "Why are you showing such obvious favoritism toward Cadet Kirk?"

"He's my friend, and I actually think it's brilliant he beat your 'unbeatable' test." She smirked wickedly at him.

"Then you reserve a preference for him over me."

Felicity was confounded by the absolute illogic of his statement. "Where do you come up with this stuff? No. I don't."

He lifted his nose in the air. "And yet you chose his side in the matter."

"Because I agree with him."

Turning his back to her, Spock illogically concluded, "Then you obviously have more in common with him than myself."

She stared at his back with wry amusement at the randomness of his frustration until she decided it was an argument best ended soon. "I-I'm going to bed. Stay up as late as you want to try and ruin his career. I don't care." The kitchen then became her destination as she turned her back on him.

Spock's anger was the predecessor for the enormous amount of adrenaline now flowing through his veins. The desire he had been feeling all week was mounting, and no call to his mother or amount of meditation would smother it. What he needed was right in front of him. Silently watching Felicity get a glass of water and walk toward her bedroom, he intercepted her.

His hands were firmly placed on her hips, and he backed her against the living room wall. Rather than elaborating an embarrassing speech about his predicament, Spock decided to lure Felicity into bed by appealing to her human-driven lusts.

Lips became attached to her neck, a spot of weakness in her occasional resolve. He was confident to have her naked and in bed within the minute.

Gently pushing him away, Felicity shifted out of his grasp. "Stop." she said while grumpily walking to her bedroom.

Spock stood in the living room unsure about what had just transpired. All that was usually needed were a few well placed kisses and touches, and Felicity succumbed to her human desires. Maybe she didn't understand what he had been trying to initiate, and so with a different technique in mind, he sought her out again.

She was standing in front of her mahogany dresser choosing a comfortable sleep shirt, when he approached her from behind and skillfully slid his hand down the front of her shorts.

Felicity pulled his hand away and turned her head around. "I'm really tired, love. I just want to go to bed."

Frustration twinged in his heart, but he still didn't want to resort to explaining his illogical behavior. It would be far too undignified, and he wished she could have simply known what was happening to him, what he was feeling. His lips brushed against her ears and tickled the sensitive skin as he breathed, "I want you."

Felicity wasn't exactly sure what in her changed at those three simple words, but the prospect of having sex didn't seem disagreeable any longer. A feral Spock was very intriguing, so she turned to face him and placed her hands against his pointed ears. "I suppose I could make an exception this time."

The lustful Vulcan pulled her shirt off without hesitation. Her bra found a similar home on the ground as his hands grabbed at the soft curves. A light smile touched Felicity's lips. "Your persistence is very interesting this evening, my love."

He did not acknowledge the statement and continued to quickly undress her by yanking her shorts to the floor.

"I'm curious. What brought this on?"

His patience was waning, and he simply wanted her to allow him into her body without reprieve. The symptoms he was experiencing were not as desperate from what he originally expected. With long and fervent love-making, he assumed the condition would subside. "Why must you always talk so much during intercourse?"

Felicity chuckled to herself in amusement. "I don't know. It's just one of my quirks, I suppose."

He grabbed her hips and all but threw her on the bed. "Enough."

"No need to be harsh." she protested.

####### This is where it gets a bit rough ########

Control was slipping away, and worry filled his heart, but Spock could not control biology. He wanted to touch her, to claim her, to possess her.

She was underneath him, flushed and beautiful. In an advantageous, tactical move, he pinned her thighs down with his own legs and loomed over her.

His hand gripped her soft, brown hair tightly pulling her head to the side for better access to her neck. Fervent kisses were places along her neck to her collar bone, but it wasn't enough. He needed more. He noticed a delectably soft part of the sensitive skin on her neck, and Spock could not help but bite it, hard.

At First, it felt good. At first, Felicity moaned and winced under the pressure on her neck until it became too unbearable. Soon, the pain was unrelenting and increased as his teeth bit harder on her flesh, and she tried her best to squirm out from under his chest; to push him away. Thankfully her reaction was cause for the pressure on her neck to be released, and she was able to breathe without the burden of pain, but her wrists suddenly were restrained over her head with his incredibly strong grip.

The unintentional rejection was least of what Spock wanted to feel from his woman, and the hurt and anger he felt were nearly suffocating. His body moved on it's own accord by holding her down for compliance. It was not his fault his body went through such an impassioned, biological process every seven years, surely she would understand. Surely she would have, if he had spoken to her about it previously.

His mouth pressed so harshly against her own, Felicity worried that her lips may bust open. Their coupling was no longer pleasurable, but she could not voice her concerns with him silencing her. Her teeth felt as if they were being forced out of her gums, the stinging on her neck was still present, and her small body was no match against his lithe one.

She looked up at him. The turbulence on emotion was clearly evident on Spock's faces, and his eyes were alight was a flame of desire. She could feel it too; his wantonness and wondered why he was so uncontrollable. An inability to grasp her predicament silenced Felicity as he removed his lips from hers. So much of her body was in pain, including her aching shoulders from the contortion. Fear spread through her body as Spock lowered his head to her again.

Licking against the skin on her neck, he could taste the coppery, hot blood seeping out of the bite mark. Instead of being disturbed by the injury, his passion was only fueled more with a renewed lust to claim her.

The stinging on her neck finally made Felicity cry out. "Stop. Spock, stop! Spock! Please!"

He shoved his hand over her mouth not wanting to hear any more objections from her ripe lips, they had much more potential than to complain as usual. His body demanded for him to take her, and he needed to do it soon before the fire in his muscles consumed him. Erection was stiff enough to not need guidance inside her struggling body. Without her submission, he would die. Could she not understand?

Fear began to flow through her veins as Spock indulged in intercourse, his body trembling. The hand over her mouth was also partially covering her nose making it near impossible to breathe, but with one hand controlling her arms, the other preventing her from speaking out and her hips controlled by his strong thighs, she was unsure of how she would not suffocate.

After seconds that felt lengthened to hours, Felicity finally contorted into a position that allowed her to slip out of his custody and away from the bed. Reality had a completely different meaning for her. It was almost impossible to try and establish if this was really happening, or if she had somehow fell into a horrible nightmare. Her first instinct was to run; to get away, but he and his physiology was much more capable than her's.

Spock shoved her against a wall and continued to wound her sensitive neck with his territorial bites. In the deepest recesses of his mind, he was screaming at himself to handle her with care. It had taken him long enough to gain her commitment, but the voice of reason was hastily smothered by another wave of desire that needed to be sated.

Pushing her higher against the wall, so her feet couldn't touch the floor, he used her body again to try and quench the flames engulfing him. His need for her only heightened with each violent thrust, and his hearing was diminished to nothing. Felicity's whimpers and pleads were nothing but a humming in his ears, and he paid them no attention.

Every ounce of his sanity wished beyond hope that she would understand, once he explained his actions, but he still couldn't stop; tossing her back onto the bed to dominate her more easily.

There was nothing she could do, no way she could leave, and in the end, she suffered through the long hours of being held down and fucked against her will. Her body was too tired to even cry out, but if it wasn't, Felicity wondered if she would at that point. It was so different, so unexpected that she could hardly determine what would be the reasonable thing to do in such an instance. It seemed like a distant dream, one of which she could hardly be sure if it was real or not.

After his third release, Spock caught sight of the laceration on Felicity's neck and immediately recoiled. His passion was diminished by the realization that her human body may not have been physically capable of handling his biological needs. The haze in his mind was cleared, and he looked down with cognition at the countless bruises he left all along her.

#############

Stillness was something Felicity hadn't expected. She hesitantly opened her eyes to see a heavy-breath Spock staring at her with an indiscernible expression. Two conflicting needs occurred inside of her. One was to have him to hold her tightly and lovingly. The other was to have him immediately removed from her body. The latter urge was stronger. She freed a leg from underneath his knees, kicked him in the chest, and Spock tumbled backwards off the bed.

It took ever ounce of self-control to not scream at him. "What the fuck?!"

Spock stared at her while sprawled on the floor unable to articulate any coherent thoughts.

The only reasonable reaction Felicity could think of was to go into the bathroom and assess the damage. She stalked past the Vulcan on her floor and gazed at her damaged body in the mirror.

The area in between her legs was raw and sore, and bruises shrouded her pelvis, legs, arms and neck. Seeing all the bruises all along her body scared her, and soon she couldn't breathe. 

The logical part of her thoughts tried desperately to make a clear distinction between the two instances. Two fingers were pressed gently against the large abrasion on her neck. It stung with a throbbing pain, but Felicity ignored the pain and kept her attention of the ugliness of the mark.

Spock appeared in the doorway, timid and uncertain. His voice was quiet as he spoke. "I'm sorry. This was not my intent...I did not want to...hurt...you."

"Then why did you?" she asked confused, her voice almost mute even by his acute hearing.

Considering her words, he looked down at his hands; the same hands with the capacity to hurt her. "I didn't think I would react in such a way."

Felicity closed her eyes and shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

He took a step toward her, but only one and explained with great hesitation. "My irritability and illogic as of late have not been the cause of anything in my power to control. It was a biological reaction...a biological process a Vulcan male goes through every seven years."

She waited for him to continue, but he simply stood there looking pathetic. "And?"

"It is not spoken about on Vulcan, and is considered a very private matter even among family members. As far as I am aware, no outsider knows of the custom. It is called the 'Pon Farr'. During this time, the body goes through physical changes, our logic escapes us, and we are only left with the need to satisfy our mating desire without care of consequence. I had hardly considered myself to be of any potential harm to you until my control was almost completely lost."

"How could you not think you'd hurt me?" Felicity asked incredulous.

"I had not yet experienced the Pon Farr and hoped due to my half-human physiology that I would not be subjected to its consequences."

She was even more furious, because the guilt which filled aspect of his mind was seeping into her own emotions, and guilt was the last thing she wanted to feel at that moment.

"And you kept this from me why?"

"As I said, it is not even spoken about on Vulcan-"

"You didn't tell me about this," she gestured to the bruises on her body, "because it was socially unacceptable?" Her voice was low and dangerous as fresh tears threatened to fall. "Spock, I need you to leave."

Instead of leaving, he took another step forward. "There is more I have to tell you, Felicity."

She turned away from him, wrapping a towel around her hurting body. "What more could you possibly have to say?"

"After the Pon Farr, the male feels overly protective of his mate-"

She laughed humorlessly. "Probably out of guilt."

Silence fell upon them, as he tried to think of anything to say. Another compelling urge came over him, but this time it was to wrap his arms around her. "Please let me stay with you." He considered a mind meld to emphasize his remorse and show his true feelings of love, but she spoke before he even had a chance to suggest it.

Felicity looked him dead in the eyes and spoke quietly. "Get out of my apartment." Her anger was evident, but there was something else, something in her voice Spock had difficulty interpreting. Contempt.

As difficult as it was to react against his nature and what his body wanted, he regretfully left her walking swiftly from the bathroom and out the front door. Self-loathing filled him as he thought about leaving her bruised and hurt, but he did not wish to contest her wishes after all he had done.

Piddles rested entangled in Felicity's hair, while Othello slept on his mama's chest, consistently purring the whole night.


	25. Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I interject some of my own conversation into the movie bits, naturally, even during conversations, but to make things less confusing, I have italicized all of the movie dialogue to help people decipher it and understand at exactly what part of the movie you are reading.

Spock stood solemnly at his podium in front of the academic council. His attention was unitarily given to the insubordinate cadet to his side arguing for the right to cheat in school. While deciding to give the man the benefit of his doubt, the cadet's continued persistence was grating on Spock's nerves, no doubt a side effect from the Vulcan's lingering emotional unrest. With a devious desire to be suddenly malicious and exploit all knowledge came, he remembered Felicity's easily offered information and put to use an interesting fact he learned the night before. _"You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk, a captain cannot cheat death." ___

__Watching the defiant cadet known as Jim Kirk absorb the blow was beautiful art to Spock's jaded eyes. He secretly exalted in his slight victory, though no one saw any emotional reaction on his features. The explanation for why the Kobayashi Maru was necessary resumed with the figure in black furthering the blow by making obvious his pernicious comments in reference to the cadet's dead father._ _

__As the two supremely stubborn men continued the verbal sparring, the cadet's discomfort became more and more evident, and his argument became less and less logical as his emotions tainted his defense. Not that Spock had any right to feel superior to one who allowed their emotions to take control, but regardless, he did._ _

__Their hearing was interrupted though, and Spock waited patiently for his chance to keep reaming the cadet. A message was brought to the admiral overseeing the encounter, Admiral Barnett, who looked over the PADD quickly before becoming alarmed. _"We've received a distress call from Vulcan. With our primary fleet engaged in the Lorentian System, I hereby order all cadets to report to Hangar 1 immediately. Dismissed" _He stood and left the front of the room to prepare ships for departure.___ _

____Spock stared at Admiral Barnett's chair a tenth of a second longer than everyone else not fully comprehending the meaning of his words. All thoughts of academics and pretension vanished as he struggled to understand what was happening for the umpteenth time in the past twenty four hours. The chief thought floating around his mechanical mind was that he was, for the time being, stationed on Earth while the other cadets and officers were leaving for Vulcan. What would he do?_ _ _ _

____Without proper thought on the matter, he immediately followed the sea of red with a long stride in hopes of finding one man in particular. Captain Pike could surely be able to secure him a station on the new flagship. Spock was not about to stay on Earth when his home required his help._ _ _ _

____Speeding past unsure cadets, he all but ran to the main shuttle hangar in hopes of finding the man he required preparing to leave as well. Eyes scanned the large expanse of space with many cadets and officers already receiving their orders._ _ _ _

____He found the man in black about to board a shuttle to the new flagship. "Captain Pike!" he called loudly to grab the man's attention. Christopher Pike turned around to see from whom his name was being shouted and smiled, a little smugly in certain opinions, when seeing Spock speed walking with grace in his direction._ _ _ _

____Once the Vulcan arrived on the platform for loading all necessary personnel and equipment, the two men stood off to the side, allowing others through. Spock was first to speak and did so calmly and evenly considering his enormous effort to find Pike in a timely manner and his anxious internal feelings. "While I previously dismissed your offer to serve on the Enterprise due to a lack of interest, this exigent circumstance has caused me to come to you with the request for service."_ _ _ _

____"It's better late than never, Spock. I still need a science officer, and there's no time to find one right now. Here's the list of those assigned to the Enterprise so far. I'm putting you in control of who gets on and who doesn't" He handed the Vulcan a PADD with a list of duties and crew members. He looked relieved to be handing it off too._ _ _ _

____Spock attempted to follow the proper protocols though Pike already seemed to have resolved the issue. "I elect to fill the position, if you so desire."_ _ _ _

____Pike grinned wide and gripped Spock's shoulder in an approving, fatherly way. "Then I expect to see you on the bridge in less than an hour."_ _ _ _

____And it was as simple at that. The older man left him to board the shuttle, and he was now science officer of the Enterprise. He had an odd feeling that there should have been awarded more pomp and circumstance, but given the situation, ignored it and went to set his affairs in order._ _ _ _

____The idea of classes ran quickly through his head and was remedied with the knowledge that most cadets were leaving as well. Then came the thought of any needed personal items at his apartment. No, he did not require anything but a different uniform which would be provided for him once on the ship. Everything seemed taken care of, and Spock began to check on the newly acquired PADD which shuttle he should be located to and who were all assigned to the Enterprise._ _ _ _

____He noticed Nyota's name under the list of communications crew and hesitated with his hand hovering over the remove button. An explainable sensation came over him, and without logical reasoning, he relocated her to a different ship, feeling it would be best not serving together. He also removed some students who were obviously not going to pass his classes but were somehow assigned to the Enterprise as well. These cadets were replaced with better, more skilled ones._ _ _ _

____While his fingers danced across the plexiglass of the screen, he abruptly remembered Othello. Someone had to care for him while he was away..._ _ _ _

____Another after though occurred to him. It was horrible to think of her as something less important, but in the circumstance, such was his mind organized. Othello was staying with Felicity who was still in her office for the day, not assigned to any ship and would remain on Earth throughout the whole ordeal._ _ _ _

____There was not even time for reprieve, but he had to have Felicity with him. The ship could certainly use her expertise, and more appropriately he didn't want to spend a long period of time without her, even if she stayed expressively angry with him. Such are relationships._ _ _ _

____Jogging out of the main hangar, Spock quickly made his way across campus to the security building. He took the ever-so-slow turbolift to her floor, his fingers twitched slightly indicating at his impatience._ _ _ _

____When he entered Felicity's office, it only took 1.36 seconds for her to look up and say, "Get out of my office."_ _ _ _

____Spock sighed. Her obvious lack of compliance was going to hinder their haste. "Your assistance is needed."_ _ _ _

____She sneered at him with distaste. "I believe I've assisted you enough for a while, don't you think?"_ _ _ _

____There was nothing calm about his demeanor or his mood, and he stood there hands loose at his sides discretely shifting his weight from foot to foot. "There has been a distress call from Vulcan, and the academy has ordered the fleet to respond. You could help."_ _ _ _

____"I'm perfectly content to sit here at my desk." She motioned to all her belongings lying on the desktop._ _ _ _

____"I have to leave on the Enterprise." He held up the PADD in his hand as if needing some proof of his proclamation._ _ _ _

____"Then go." She nodded dismissively._ _ _ _

____Spock and Felicity stared at each other for a few moments before he said quite rashly, "Your presence will be required on the Enterprise as well."_ _ _ _

____She looked at him dumbfounded. There was nothing about the ship that attracted her investigative skills. It held no interest for her. "Why?"_ _ _ _

____"Because of your credentials."_ _ _ _

____Sitting back in her chair and folding her arms over her chest, she raised her eyebrows at him. "Are you sure it's not a way to force us into the same confined space, so you can apologize without me being able to leave?"_ _ _ _

____"Felicity, I greatly regret my actions. I... You are aware of my ardent affection. Can you find no capacity to forgive me?" His foot tapped the group with urgency. "This is not the time for us to speak about this. Will you please come?"_ _ _ _

____"I'll come on the Enterprise, but I need time to deliberate about forgiving you." Sighing, she started to think about all the things she really wanted to do before leaving for space again. There wasn't much she could do in the time given, but one thing did need to be taken care of. "I will contact Oona and ask her to take Othello from my apartment and care for him. When are the shuttles leaving?"_ _ _ _

____"In minutes." It was a stretch of the truth. They were in fact leaving in exactly thirty two minutes, but the faster he could get Felicity to react, the better._ _ _ _

____"Then I will hurry." She stood and remembered Kat-tah's words about doing whatever Spock wanted. She was taking a course of action not preferred but decided to not fry her brain by over thinking her decision._ _ _ _

____"Do you require any help?" he asked taking a tentative step toward her. He was greatly required elsewhere, but he couldn't stop himself from asking._ _ _ _

____Putting her hair up, Felicity shook her head, quickly gathering papers and PADDs together. "No. You can leave, and I'll be there as soon as I can." she said shortly._ _ _ _

____Backing out of her office, Spock's eyes lingered on her secretly wishing she would forgive him sooner than later. It was his enormous, Vulcan control that dictated his body to leave immediately and for his mind to be fixed on the mission at hand._ _ _ _

____Spock returned to the hangar and continued to assign the appropriate people to the new ship. After seven minutes and fifty six seconds, he felt enough time had passed since his conversation with Felicity and checked a computer terminal for the shuttle he assigned for her to see if she had boarded yet. Negative. He tried to check her office, but she was not there either. At least she had already left._ _ _ _

____During his inquiries at the terminal, an irate Nyota found him. _"Commander, a word?"__ _ _ _

_____"Yes, Lieutenant?"_ he asked without turning his attention away from either his PADD or terminal._ _ _ _

____She proceeded to question him about her quality and skill as a communications officer, and Spock knew exactly why. He continued about his duties with her right behind him the whole way._ _ _ _

_____"And while you were aware of my own qualified desires to serve on the Enterprise, I'm assigned to the Farragut?"_ she finished almost spitting the word._ _ _ _

_____"It was an attempt to-"_ Spock paused trying establish exactly why he removed her from the crew list. Perhaps he figured their friendship would have been ill received by others or it was maybe how Nyota got the assignment in the first place. That sounded good enough. _"-avoid the appearance of favoritism."__ _ _ _

_____"No. I'm assigned to the Enterprise."_ Not wanting to be further hindered and knowing full well she was indeed qualified, the only cadet who can speak advanced Vulcan, and all three dialects of Romulan, Spock again changed her assignment._ _ _ _

____After appeasing her, he checked the shuttle status again to see if Felicity had boarded. Still not there. He considered calling her communicator and telling her to hurry but was approached by another perturbed cadet._ _ _ _

____In all, out of the twenty seven cadets he had initially removed from the Enterprise, nineteen were reassigned. Not due to quality of character but because of connections with higher ranking officers than Spock, which frustrated him to no end. Once finished with dealing with the last whiny brat, he check Felicity's shuttle status, the shuttles all leaving in four minutes exactly. Thankfully, she was on, as was everyone else riding aboard the shuttle. With the worry out of his mind, he began checking the boarding status of all shuttles heading to the Enterprise. Twelve people were not accounted for and needed to make haste._ _ _ _

____Taking his PADD with him, Spock went ahead and climbed into the shuttle taking him. He checked over the list of things he was required to do before take off. Oversee crew assignment, check engineering status, check science status, report to bridge._ _ _ _

____Placing the PADD in his lap, he waiting with an out-of-place sense of impatience to leave Earth's surface and make way toward Vulcan. Thirty seven seconds of boredom compelled him to look back to the PADD, and he began to familiarize himself with the layout of the ship. It would do him no good to get lost, not that he had even been in such a situation._ _ _ _

____Soon Spock could feel the vibrating rumble of the shuttle's engine and felt his body being pushed into the seat as they began to move. He didn't bother to look up or out the window as they left San Francisco. He knew what space looked like._ _ _ _

____Being one of the first shuttles to arrive, Spock quickly disembarked and was given his new science uniform. After changing he decided to check the status of the science stations since most of the engineering crew were still packed onto shuttles._ _ _ _

____There were only a few blue-shirted and blue-dressed crew members at their posts. He spoke with a head lieutenant about aptitudes of each member along with the more advanced computer controls. The new ship had science stations displaying much more information and could respond quicker with user interface. Their scanners could cover a broader region and extend even further from the ship than was standard. With all the advancements, Spock was in figurative Sha Ka Ree._ _ _ _

____Indulging himself a bit longer than necessary, he made his way to engineering, passing by both colorfully dressed and still academy uniform-garbed people. Most of the shuttles had to have arrived by now, and since everyone had to pass through engineering to get to the rest of the ship from the hangar, Spock found navigating through the growing mass of people difficult._ _ _ _

____While conducting his duties with swarms of people pushing past him, he looked up occasionally to see if he could find one officer in particular. It was even more difficult, because he was uncertain if the woman he wanted to find was wearing her black uniform or recently changed..._ _ _ _

____Rushing around the ship seemed like deja vu to Felicity. She had been through it all before and was comfortable with the commotion but felt like her position was cheated. Being security on this ship wasn't nearly as important as on the Mercury. Qualified to serve aboard the Enterprise? Certainly, but for some reason unknown, Felicity felt out of place, as if she didn't belong._ _ _ _

____She spotted Spock first, in engineering, and against much of her desire to keep her distance, seeing him in the tight, blue science shirt drew her forward like a magnet. Not once had she seen him in his starship uniform, and he looked amazing...not that she cared._ _ _ _

____There was also the looming prospect of duty, and since she didn't know a single person on the Enterprise save him, she decided to inquire about her orders while marching professionally up to her abdicated lover. "Commander." He obviously didn't expect her, because he looked up from his PADD with an air of alarm only she could recognize. "Where on this ship is security, and to whom exactly am I supposed to report?"_ _ _ _

____Spock looked at her in the skin-tight, red dress, wanting nothing more than engineering to be empty at that very moment so he could drag her behind the warp core for a more pleasant interaction, properly erasing any painful memory of the night before. "Security is on deck seventeen. I am certain you will find to whom you need to report there."_ _ _ _

____The shadows properly defining his hardened chest muscles drew her attention down the plane of his stomach and into more interesting areas. "And what are you doing?"_ _ _ _

____The comprehension of how the uniform could make her breasts look in fact bigger was beyond anything of what he knew about physics. "Checking status in engineering before reporting to the bridge and taking my post as science officer."_ _ _ _

____Naturally. He was the head of science, not that there was anyone more qualified, but Felicity's temper put her in an even fouler mood after learning he was not just another crew member like her. It wasn't fair._ _ _ _

____Her eyes watched as his biceps flex as he typed on his PADD. "Well I hope this proves to be a useful waste of my time, being on this ship." She stuck her nose up at him before twirling around to find the nearest turbolift._ _ _ _

____Having such a full bottom made the back of her dress hike up high over the backs of her thighs. The look ever more prominent while walking away. Without the imminent issue at hand, he would have seriously considered following her to a dark corner and making love to her._ _ _ _

____Unfortunately Vulcan called, and Spock had to report to Captain Pike for duty. He torn his eyes from the sight of Felicity's backside and set off for the bridge._ _ _ _

____************************************************************************_ _ _ _

____While determining if the device connected to the Romulan ship was a weapon being used against the Enterprise, Felicity heard about the commotion on the bridge from a younger security officer, Brian? Brandon? Blake? The news that Jim Kirk snuck onto the ship was far too hilarious and thinking of him on the bridge with Spock cause a wide, smug smile to spread across her face. If anyone could ensconce their way onto the Enterprise, it was Jim._ _ _ _

____Ben! That was the name of the young officer. Very sweet boy and likewise very shy and eager around Felicity. His recount of the story also informed her of two other important things. Nyota was indeed assigned to the ship she wished, Felicity wondered if Spock had any input on the matter, and Leonard was a medical officer on the ship._ _ _ _

____No longer feeling so lonely, she continued the security duty of scanning the massive Romulan ship for tactical advantages, and there were countless advantages over the Enterprise. Various sequences of events began flying through her thoughts to devise a possible way of altering the status quo. Technologically, it was impossible without greater weapons, but she considered the possibility of waging mental war on the Romulans. They were all the same, wanting money, power and corruption. If only there was a way for her to know what they wanted, what was their motivation._ _ _ _

____Alas, her job was not to be creative. Security was the most regulated branch of studies in Starfleet, and Pike wouldn't be interested in outlandish, improbable ideas. Ten disruptor banks, twelve photon torpedoes. It was no battle cruiser to be sure, but the structural integrity of the ship harbored the greatest obstacle. The outside, titanium armor was thick and would take more than a few photons to penetrate, even without shields._ _ _ _

____With some disappointment for not finding a way to engage in battle, she opened a communication channel to the bridge. "Security to Captain Pike. I can find no tactical advantage we would have over the Romulan ship."_ _ _ _

____Spock's voice came in response. "Captain Pike is on a shuttle approaching the Romulan ship for negotiations. I am now in command of the Enterprise, Commander."_ _ _ _

____Hearing his voice caught her off guard, and being informed of his now promoted status made her seethe. Felicity knew it was expected of her to say, "Yes, Captain", but she couldn't bring herself to do so and said through gritted teeth, "Acknowledged." and jammed the communication button down to end their little chat._ _ _ _

____The information soon came to her from another, young security officer stating that this was supposedly the same Romulan ship which attacked the U.S.S. Kelvin so many years ago. Rather than sitting by unproductively like the cadet who just relinquished the information like a gossip queen, Felicity decided to investigate all of the files Starfleet had on the particular incident._ _ _ _

____She was surprised to discover it to be the particular ship that was briefly commanded by Jim Kirk's father. The recount of George Kirk's heroics was almost like an epic adventure to read, heartbreaking yet incredibly awe inspiring. One fact she found was a bit unnerving though._ _ _ _

____The former captain was requested on board the Romulan ship as well before the chaos and was recorded to have lived only twenty four minutes after leaving the Kelvin. Thinking about Pike's almost certain fate made Felicity close her eyes to try and alleviate some discomfort._ _ _ _

____A loud beep from her computer gained her attention, and she saw a landing party had been sent to the device lowered out of the Romulan ship. On the monitor of one of her computer screens, the little dots representing Jim Kirk and Hikaru Sulu were moving all around the platform they landed on. Hoping they didn't have any complications, she went back to her research._ _ _ _

____A disruption on Felicity's scanners caught her attention again. The alteration of Vulcan's atmosphere and integrity of the planet was astounding. She took the calculations of degradation and plugged them appropriately into her computer to hopefully get a demonstration of outcome._ _ _ _

____Their signals were no longer jammed either, she noticed. What had been causing communications and transporter operations inoperable stopped. Checking the Romulan device, Felicity noticed it was no longer working. She wanted to conduct more tests on the object but saw numbers flying all over her screen displaying the planet. Quickly, she opened another channel. "Security to Bridge. My scanners show a severe collapse in the structural integrity of Vulcan."_ _ _ _

____"Acknowledged." came Spock's clipped voice, and she could hear him talk before properly closing the channel, "Mr. Chekov, have you finished with the gravitational scanners-"_ _ _ _

____Immediately, she began running sensors of her own, not being nearly as skilled with the mathematics, but wanting to see what they were checking. Equations and calculations piled up on the side of her scan of Vulcan; none of which could she decode._ _ _ _

____Sitting back, not being a science or tactical officer, Felicity waited for any further commands regarding the outrageous readings on her computer. A security officer could only do so much, and at the moment, she was feeling fairly useless on the Enterprise. No wonder why Commodore Loring never mentioned the construction of the newest flagship to her; in no way did it appeal to her strengths or studies._ _ _ _

____The device began to be retracted, and she immediately checked over the surface integrity. There was none. A giant hole was left where the thing had been located. There was no damage except for the the vaporized edges of rock and sand. What would do something like that? She knew of certain drilling vessels but they didn't have the capacity to create such an extensive hole. Again the research banks were accessed for more information on drilling and ships._ _ _ _

____"Check it out!" Felicity heard one of the older officers shout and looked up to see what was happening. The main, large computer screen in security scanning room twelve was focused on Vulcan with the results of various scans off to the side. Everyone watched in silence as tiny bits of the planet started to shift, then larger parts of the planet's surface began moving to a central location. A hole became obvious and grew larger and larger, sucking in more of the planet._ _ _ _

____As the computer displayed the massive implosion, and the destruction of everything that existed on Vulcan, Felicity felt an extreme pain in her mind; so intense it became physical, and she had to keel over at her station. Then, without warning, nothing. Any emotions she felt were deadened, and a lifeless decay of silence blanketed her obscure thoughts._ _ _ _

____Sitting straight, her eyes became unfocused, and images of the physical pain so many had been feeling congested her consciousness. She could see everyone of them; faces she didn't know, cringing in agony, falling into nothingness. Emotion filled all their eyes, but there were no undignified wails or loss of control. Almost every Vulcan met their death with an honorable calm but a resounding sadness._ _ _ _

____"Commander? Commander?"_ _ _ _

____Looking up, she saw the young security officer from earlier._ _ _ _

____"Are you alright, commander?"_ _ _ _

____Felicity quickly checked her scanner for Vulcan. Nothing existed. In fact, the ship was now far away from where the planet used to be located. How long had she been staring meaninglessly at that screen? "What just happened, lieutenant?"_ _ _ _

____"The planet was destroyed, ma'am. Engineering beamed a few of them up before it was completely destroyed, I heard. We're heading away from the location in case there may be any residual side effects that have the potential to harm the ship, but our course will certainly change once everything is sorted out." He tried his best to sound knowledgeable and informed._ _ _ _

____But she didn't notice. She could barely comprehend the words he was speaking. "Where are they now? The Vulcans?"_ _ _ _

____"I'm not sure. I'd assume-" but he didn't get to finish his sentence as Felicity jumped to the computer terminal at the wall to locate Spock. Sickbay. Naturally. She looked to her computer terminal, then at the door, then back to the terminal. "Tell the chief of security, I have gone to talk with Sp-the captain."_ _ _ _

____"Well that's why I came to see if you're alright. Your shift ended twenty minutes ago."_ _ _ _

____She waived him off while bolting to the door._ _ _ _

____Felicity ran to sickbay where the few Vulcans on the ship were being treated along with the injured crew members. When she got there, Spock was sitting off the side, a bit out of the way, staring at nothing. The rest of the chaos in the room meant nothing to her, and all she could focus on was the immobile man she was walking toward._ _ _ _

____There was no possible way, in any form or fashion she could be mean to him after the horrific event._ _ _ _

____Sitting in front of him, carefully to not possibly startle him, she placed her hand over his. He didn't respond and simply stared through her with emotionless eyes. Felicity waited for Spock to speak or acknowledge her but rubbed her thumb along his long fingers, when he didn't._ _ _ _

____Looking around, she was deflated to see so few Vulcans, only a handful, walking around. They were mainly older with light wrinkles defining the minimal frowns on their faces. None of them were familiar to her, save one. Sarek was talking with one of the nurses quietly, and she thought it odd he would not be with Amanda._ _ _ _

____Fear began to fill her heart as she scanned the room for the human woman to no avail. Turning back to Spock, she inquired faintly, "Your mother..."_ _ _ _

____He dropped his eyes to the floor and remained silent and stoic. His muteness was confirmation enough, and Felicity began to have difficulty breathing. Her heart was slowly shattering; piece by piece breaking away, and she desperately wished to hold him tightly but knew he wouldn't want her to do so in public._ _ _ _

____Spock could sense her anxiety, not that it eclipsed his own pain, but after knowing her for so long, he was able to understand her body language, and the last thing in the universe he wanted was for the last remaining aspect of support in his life to be gone. He needed Felicity to be strong for him, and so he squeezed her hand in an attempt to calm her._ _ _ _

____Tightening her jaw, she tried her best to thrust all her emotions away. Spock didn't need any more sadness to feel. They continued to sit together wordlessly, their hands lightly clasped together but away from the view of others._ _ _ _

_____Everyone, gone..._ , Spock thought over and over. His mother, his Vulcan friends, he even felt the twinge of pain in his mind from the death of T'Pring. The anguish was even physical with his lungs constricting during inhalation. Fingers nudged their way properly underneath Felicity's smaller hand._ _ _ _

____After checking the vital signs of the few Vulcans on board, Leonard walked over to the physically unharmed Spock and checked him over again with the medical tricorder. "Your anxiety levels are still elevated, as is your heart rate and blood pressure."_ _ _ _

____"A side effect from the urgency." he tried to explain passively._ _ _ _

____Leonard's mouth twitched as if he wanted to retort but kept quiet while looking over Spock's demeanor. "I ordered you to your quarters for the evening, after which you may return to the bridge."_ _ _ _

____"I need to return to duty immediately, doctor. I am the commanding officer of this ship."_ _ _ _

____"And I am the only one here who can tell you what to do, and you better listen to me. If you don't go to your quarters, if I find you've been on the bridge before 0700 hours tomorrow morning, you will have a force to reckon with."_ _ _ _

____With all his might, Spock wanted to argue, but any of her former persistence was lost, and he bowed his head marginally in defeat. Leonard nodded to him and went to care for his other patients._ _ _ _

____The Vulcan did not move for minutes. Felicity gently ran her fingers over his soft hair to get his attention. "Would you like for me to come with you?" Her fingers rested on his collar bone while waiting for him to speak._ _ _ _

____The depths of his eyes were fathomless, and he seemed for all intensive purposes, lost. "Yes." he finally breathed._ _ _ _

____Felicity slid from her spot next to Spock and tripped in the process of walking to his father. She gently tugged on the sleeve of his tunic and looked up at the tall Vulcan with innocent eyes. "I'm going to take Spock to his quarters."_ _ _ _

____Sarek's eyes targeted his son, and he watched him for a long time, observing each miniscule muscle movement. "He is not coping well."_ _ _ _

____Not exactly sure what to say in response, Felicity nodded and said, "Um, yum, ya." then felt like an idiot. Sarek never made her too comfortable. "I'll see if I can talk to him."_ _ _ _

____He returned his attention to her with grey brows furrowed. "Why?"_ _ _ _

____"I-I don't know." she replied a bit confused. Shaking her head to clear the countless thoughts swirling around, she regained her composure. "He'll be in his quarters if you need him." Without waiting for a response, she walked with Spock out of sickbay._ _ _ _

____The newly promoted captain and his lover, former lover? Lover? He wasn't exactly sure at the moment, but he wasn't certain about much through the haze of numbness. They walked through the sparkling white corridors to his quarters. Felicity considered the walls to be an improvement over the Mercury's dull, beige interior. Keeping her thoughts distant from reality allowed her to remain calm and stoic for her Vulcan._ _ _ _

____Stepping slowly over the threshold, Spock immediately left Felicity's side to acquire a glass of water. The coldness was hard on his throat, but he forced it down. Looking back at the woman standing next to the grey sofa, watching him, he couldn't hold back all the memories of his mother. The two women were so similar in disposition and appearance, and it made his head spin to think of all the encounters he would now miss with his mother._ _ _ _

____"Is there anything you'd like for me to do?" she asked taking a step forward. A deep frown was set in her face seeing him so uncertain._ _ _ _

____Spock sat gingerly onto the couch and was sucked into the plush cushions. She had spoken to him, he remembered. He tried to recall the question but couldn't. Shaking his head, he said quietly, "Please leave." Felicity hesitated unsure of how to respond. The broken Vulcan looked up at her underneath his eyelashes. "I do not mean to hurt you, but I need time to collect my scattered thoughts."_ _ _ _

____She moved to stand in front of him. "Don't make me leave you alone like this, Spock. What do you need me to do?"_ _ _ _

____"I have already spoken my request."_ _ _ _

____"I know how you feel. It is unfathomable to comprehend how you could press on when someone you love dies. You wish you had told them you loved them more often. You start to think of all the wonderful ventures never to be shared. You feel alone." Felicity gestured to the spot beside him. "I can sit with you for a while."_ _ _ _

____"Please leave." Tired eyes stared back at her. He needed the peace of silence to cope with his grief._ _ _ _

____"As you wish." She bent over and lightly kissed his forehead. Spock closed his eyes from the sensation and simply listened to Felicity's light footsteps leaving the room followed by the swooshing noise of his closed doors._ _ _ _

____**********************************************************************************_ _ _ _

____Spock sat in the captain's chair, his chair, contemplating the past few hours. So much had changed that even his strong logic was shaken by the unexpected turn of events in the many aspects of his life._ _ _ _

____First in his thoughts was the new prospect of being the respectful captain of the newest flagship in Starfleet. So simply done, and at what cost? Next to Captain Pike, he was the most qualified, but was he ready? Did he even deserve the position? Spock contemplated for a long time what the meaning of being a starship captain meant and could calculate all duties save empathy._ _ _ _

____After Felicity left his room the night after the attack on Vulcan, he sat on his couch with clenched fists. Normally meditation required a much more relaxing position, but the discomfort he felt from his straining muscles helped ease the pain swimming in his poetically graphic mind. Every single ounce of control he possessed was called upon to strengthen his discipline._ _ _ _

____It took six hours and twenty three minutes before Spock could close his eyes without seeing the face of his mother turning back to him ruefully or hear her scream resounding in his pointed ears. Never would he see her again or listen to her laughter; see her smile, but he deemed it insignificant at the moment. Other planets were in danger, and he had little time to indulge his own distress._ _ _ _

____All potential for emotion was barricaded with the most faultless barrier he had ever created. Then, he finally felt ready for command._ _ _ _

____Every instance had a reason for occurring. Each had a specific impact on his life, and he knew exactly why and what he felt from them. Perhaps the ludicrous incidents had caused a miniscule impairment in his judgment, or perhaps it was because of the events with Felicity before boarding the Enterprise, but for the life of him, Spock could not comprehend why he let Nyota kiss him in the turbolift; why he hugged her back, and the memory festered in his mind._ _ _ _

____She was offering support to be sure, but to what extent? Had Felicity been correct in her assumptions about Nyota's perpetual desire for him? It would certainly make sense, but he could not see why she chose now of all times to retry her advances. It was quite obvious there were more urgent and pressing matters that commanded his attention, but perhaps she didn't realize._ _ _ _

____What was more nonsensical was his compliance. Dismissing the event and his reaction to that of an emotional need would have be reasonable, but it would have also meant his resolve to be uncompromising was not without flaws. And admitting flaws that did not need to exist was not logical to Spock._ _ _ _

____So the main fault was placed on Nyota and her impeccable or horrendous timing, depending on how one views the situation. In a sense, his decision to hold her completely responsible for his reaction was unfair, but so were her devious tactics to gain his affections. Again, such are relationships, even platonic ones._ _ _ _

____He had even been on his way to see Felicity, wanting the comfort she readily offered after the destruction of Vulcan. Sitting alone and yet surrounded by his crew on the bridge was not enough. He needed his woman. But he would never make it to the security room she was stationed._ _ _ _

____After the realization of what he had allowed, what he had done, Spock refused to see Felicity in such a state, almost positive Nyota's perfume was lingering on his uniform or some glossy, lip polish was smudged along his face. Once exited the turbolift, he rerouted back to his own quarters for a two-hour-long shower in an attempt to wash away any physical clue to his self-perceived infidelity and guilt._ _ _ _

____Since the incident, he only saw Felicity once in her quarters. They spoke quietly about trivial things like the high quality of the computer systems on the ship and one of the more petty investigations she had been working on. Their interaction could be considered cold to an mediating eye, but Spock wanted a brief escape from reality and the responsibility thrust upon him, and Felicity not only understood but wanted to think as little about the pain she felt from his as well. Though boring, it was one of the most enjoyable conversations they had in a long time._ _ _ _

____One aspect of his lover continued to vex him though. Her unprofessional attitude and lack of recognition towards his position as captain. While not being a vain man, Spock found it an incredible stubborn reaction on Felicity's part to not acknowledge him as her superior, and for that he felt a bit of antagonism toward the security officer and second highest ranking person on the ship._ _ _ _

____Pushing all thoughts from his mind with great effort, Felicity's newly acquired presence on the bridge forced him to focus on the mission at hand. Having one of Starfleet's best investigators and behavior analysis experts had to be an advantage, and he decided to put her talents to use while discussing motives and options. Spock stood from the captain's chair and paced around the front of the bridge._ _ _ _

____She moved to stand next to Leonard behind the captain's chair._ _ _ _

____Shortly following Felicity was Kirk who was not requested to the bridge but came anyway. He immediately sat in the seat Spock just vacated and turned around to acknowledged Felicity and Leonard._ _ _ _

____Watching Spock pace in front of the navigation panel, the small woman in red decided to instigate the purpose of their meeting. "What have you figured out so far?"_ _ _ _

____Leonard whispered through the side at her. "Pike's gone, Vulcan's destroyed and we're pretty much screwed."_ _ _ _

____Felicity really didn't think it was appropriate to laugh at such a time but couldn't hold back a small smirk at Leonard. The predicament was just so astronomically odd, she couldn't grasp the seriousness of it. Not to mention her emotional connections to certain other members of the crew caused her to inadvertently feel empty and deadened. She could empathize with the reasoning but occasionally had difficulty masking her apathy over the past hours._ _ _ _

____The captain sighed, his acute hearing having detected the unprofessional comment, and looked poignantly at the viewscreen. "You have all the same facts that we do, Commander."_ _ _ _

____"The facts and figures, yes, but where is he going? Do we know what he's wanting to do?"_ _ _ _

____Spock folded his hands together and crossed the bridge again passing by the communications terminal. _"Have you confirmed that Nero is headed for Earth?"_ He asked the question while stiffly avoiding eye contact with Nyota._ _ _ _

_____"Their trajectory suggests no other destination, Captain."_ She turned around in her chair to address her commanding officer and watched his retreating back with a covetous look._ _ _ _

_____"Thank you, Lieutenant."_ _ _ _ _

____The exchange between Spock and Nyota was watched closely by a slightly bewildered Felicity. No one seemed to notice any hint of discontinuity, though most were more concerned with the prevalent destruction of Earth rather than any slight discomfort Spock regarded Nyota, except for the security officer. She noticed everything. Immediately disregarding the meaningless exchange, she concentrated on the mission at hand._ _ _ _

____Moving to the console on Leonard's left, she checked the status of the ship's security matters as Spock told Kirk to get out of his chair. Every Starfleet crew member's uniform was outfitted with a tracking device capable of recording a plethora of information. Health conditions, location, death... Captain Pike was alive, she was able to conclude that much, and indeed the Romulan ship was on a collision course with Earth, but why? To destroy it as well, but again, why?_ _ _ _

____Her attention was so consumed by the console, any following conversation fell on deaf ears, until she heard Leonard incredulously ask, _"Are you actually suggesting their from the future?"__ _ _ _

____She looked up to Spock who was again in front of the viewscreen. With his learned demeanor and hands clasped behind his back, Felicity imagined he was posed in the same way he would be lecturing at the academy. He always looked so attractive. Damn him._ _ _ _

_____"If you eliminate the impossibly, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."_ One pointed eyebrow quirked up at Leonard with a hint of haughtiness. He was also gorgeous when being snobby._ _ _ _

____Without looking up from her console, the woman in red said, "It would make a more plausible excuse for why a mining vessel can have such capabilities we've never seen before."_ _ _ _

_____"Then what would an angry, future Romulan want with Captain Pike?"_ Kirk said, making the little security officer quite happy about getting to the more hypothetical parts._ _ _ _

____"I want to know why they haven't yet killed Pike." Felicity piped up from her console._ _ _ _

____The pilot, Sulu turned around and suggested, "Perhaps they think he'll be useful."_ _ _ _

____She considered it for a few seconds before shaking her head. "If he hasn't yet, I don't see how he could be eventually. They killed the captain of the U.S.S. Kelvin almost immediately, so why not Pike?"_ _ _ _

____Spock walked toward Sulu and looked to Felicity with a barely displayed tone of exasperation. "I had hoped you would be able to provide us with a few suggestions."_ _ _ _

____Seeming almost bored with the potentially fatal altercation with the Romulans, she shrugged and looked back to the computer console for something she may have missed._ _ _ _

____Again, the pilot tried to offer a solution. _"As captain, he does know details of Starfleet's defenses."__ _ _ _

____She nodded and listened to Jim zealously recommend disabling the ship, finding his suggestion to be too far reached, but it caused her to think of the other possibilities._ _ _ _

____Spock and Chekov began arguing with Jim, as she began uploading the security scan of the Romulan ship. Felicity tried again to search for a possible fault in the structure. It was not built for battle, that was sure from the layout of the guns and the endless, powerful, mining equipment, but it was powerful, much more so than the Enterprise._ _ _ _

_____"There won't be a next engagement. By the time we've gathered, it'll be too late."_ came Jim's firm voice arguing with Spock._ _ _ _

____Feeling fairly useless, Felicity offered her only real idea to the group. "If we are gathering with Starfleet, then I find no reason why the subspace communications need to be fixed. Use the remaining crew members to boost the warp."_ _ _ _

____Everyone stared at her, making her think over what she had said in case it hadn't been coherent. Nope. It was. Spock finally shook his head and paced toward her. "Then we could not communicate with the fleet, and would be using our time futilely for a course of action that will not be taken."_ _ _ _

____"But with us being the only ship left that knows about this whole ordeal, it would be best to return to Earth in an act of defense; if not to buy more time for the rest of the fleet to regroup." he pressed on._ _ _ _

____Tilting his head to the side and lifting a pointy eyebrow at her he asked, "Did you not say in your report, that the Romulan ship is far more advanced?"_ _ _ _

____Felicity was beginning to think he was in fact, not so attractive when being snobby. "I did."_ _ _ _

____"Then how do you not understand the certain destruction we would encounter in an attempt to destroy a superior ship?" Spock countered almost impatiently._ _ _ _

____"I'm not saying we could overpower them, but try and draw their attention away from Earth. If they didn't destroy us before, why would they destroy us then? It's the same mystery as why Captain Pike is still alive."_ _ _ _

____Spock stared at her before finally paraphrasing, "You are suggesting to confuse them?"_ _ _ _

____Saying it the way he did made her proposition sound puerile, but she nodded her head slowly and tried to correct him. "A type of mental warfare, yes."_ _ _ _

____Kirk, thinking he and Felicity were on the same page, pressed on passionately. _"You say he's from the future, knows what's gonna happen, then the logical thing is to be unpredictable."__ _ _ _

____Felicity sighed in defeat. Apparently no one was understanding her idea. For the countless time, she wondered why she was even bothered to be on the Enterprise. She could be in her apartment playing with her cat, but no, she had to be standing around the bridge of some ship with a lack of sensible command and a team of cadets and officers who had never been in space before. Oh brave new universe with such people in it._ _ _ _

_____"You are assuming that Nero knows how events are predicted to unfold. The contrary, Nero's very presences has altered the flow of history, beginning with the attack on the U.S.S. Kelvin, culminating in the events of today, thereby creating an entire new chain of incidents that cannot be anticipated by either party."_ _ _ _ _

____Nyota took another couple steps away from her communications post. Her eyes never leaving Spock's. _"An alternate reality."__ _ _ _

____Spock's eyes lingered on Nyota's lithe body. A surplus of thoughts ran through his head, from considering her astute observation, to Felicity's eyes watching him closely the whole time she's been on the bridge, to the thought of when times were better between them and their families together, which then led to the thought of his mother's death, and back to Nyota and her weighted proposition to help ease his pain. All these and more sped through the network of brain circuits within a second before he replied, _"Precisely."__ _ _ _

____This did not go unnoticed to Felicity either. She did not imagine it that time either, the sight of Spock's eyes looking over that communication strumpet's body. Rather than being enraged, her shoulders sagged fractionally, before she turned back to her monitor. Her fingers moved slowly over the screen, and she could hear Spock command the ship to the Lorentian System at warp three. Just about to speak against the action, Felicity noticed Kirk took it upon himself to be the vigilante and decided to stay comfortably at her terminal._ _ _ _

____Her mind wandered to a different time, a happier time, when more people had been alive, and not only Vulcans. The happiest she had ever been was without the worry of duty, in class and consistently flirting with a gorgeous Vulcan male. The progression of life and age never makes things easier._ _ _ _

____She was drawn out of her revere after hearing Spock say calmly, _"Security, escort him out."__ _ _ _

____Felicity stood by without moving a muscle as she watched two lieutenants take hold of Jim, refusing to be part of restraining him in any fashion. As he began to struggle, she closed her eyes, knowing it was the worst possible decision he could have made, and the sound of his body falling to the floor was followed by Spock's low and ominous voice commanding him to be removed from the Enterprise all together._ _ _ _

____Unable to comprehend a way to argue against Spock's rank, she and Leonard watched as Jim's body was dragged off. With an overwhelming desire to be away from the absurd arguments of the bridge, Felicity crossed the computer consoles and headed toward the corridor. "I'll be in security."_ _ _ _

____Spock turned around in time enough to see her retreating back before the doors to the bridge glided closed. His brow furrowed in confusion, for he had not dismissed her._ _ _ _

____Leonard watched Spock stare at the door for a minute then turn back around. He considered the possible implications of doing the same and returning to sickbay but decided to wait._ _ _ _

____The ship zoomed into warp, and normalcy returned to the bridge for the most part. At least Spock thought so, but found a prospect with this sense of calm troubling. Or more confusing. He expected more reaction from his mainly human crew but received an apathetic quiet._ _ _ _

____While waiting for the Enterprise to arrive in the Lorentian System, Spock decided to visit the security deck. His presence was not vital to the bridge, and he wished to properly understand Felicity's proposal to follow the Nurada among other things regarding his crew._ _ _ _

____With an overwhelming amount of grace for such a calculative creature, he pushed himself out of the captain's chair and glided to the turbolift._ _ _ _

____Once again, without prompting, Nyota followed on his heels. His body immediately tensed unsure if he should be expecting another encounter as before._ _ _ _

____Fortunately Nyota did not press the button that halted the lift and instead spoke while they were whisked across the ship. "I support your decision." She smiled with her head titled back to look at his face. "Is there anything I can do for you, Spock? Please, let me know. I want to help you in any way I can."_ _ _ _

____"Thank you, lieutenant, but I am acceptable." He nodded and fractionally turned his body away from her's._ _ _ _

____Nyota only stepped closer. "I don't see how you could be, after everything that's happened. Then, Jim Kirk pulling that stunt on the bridge, everyone arguing, Felicity coming up with useless, out-there ideas. How can even you comprehend what she's saying?"_ _ _ _

____"My current purpose is to inquire about the suggestion. I too do not fully understand her meaning and wish for clarification."_ _ _ _

____"Well let the whole bridge know when you find out, because it was pretty absurd." Crossing her arms over her chest, she leaned in to him as if they were gossiping gal pals._ _ _ _

____During the movement, Spock was able to smell her rose scented hair. The sensory surprise caused him to take a step away from her. "That will be all, lieutenant."_ _ _ _

____She watched him with sad, large eyes. "Spock, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'll listen."_ _ _ _

____"I do not require anyone to talk with." he sighed._ _ _ _

____Turning away from him, her eyes started to get glassy. "I've had to talk to a few people about Gaila." Nyota tightly gripped her hand together to control herself._ _ _ _

____Realizing that he wasn't the only one feeling loss from the encounter, Spock felt like an ignorant brute. He still wasn't certain about how human social protocols should dictate his actions and thus remained silent for some time. His mind searched any instance in which he and Felicity would fight or have difficult times or encountered trouble. He finally decided on the most ambiguous comment available. "I'm sorry."_ _ _ _

____She smiled softly at him then turned her eyes to watch the turbolift doors._ _ _ _

____Spock began his long stride before the doors were entirely opened. He wasn't sure why he needed to leave her so quickly. A small fraction wanted to stay behind and talk about what happened, but he done so briefly with Felicity, which was more than enough under the circumstances. It was nice to have another friend though._ _ _ _

____Finding Felicity sitting at a row of computer terminals with seven other security officers, Spock discretely touched her upper arm to gain her attention. She jumped, started from the contact, and looked up with an entertaining mixture of fright and frustration._ _ _ _

____"Commander. I would like to speak with you in private." He addressed her professionally in front of the others._ _ _ _

____"Alright. Give me one second." Felicity turned back to her computer and quickly finished a scan off their starboard side. Once finished, she followed him to a secluded corner of the large workstation._ _ _ _

____"I need you to explain things to me..." Spock paused trying to order his questions by importance._ _ _ _

____During the silence though, Felicity was more than happy to oblige his unfinished thought. "Alright. Let me tell you how you are reacting to this whole situation. Upon given command, you now have power, which is indeed good. I firmly believe the Enterprise is in good hands, but since you do have full command, you are bothered by prospective ideas that counter your own. Also, by becoming so frustrated with Kirk, it shows the typical bully signs. You are not confident enough in yourself or your command, either way, and have to extinguish any competition. We're not against you, Spock. We're all on the same team."_ _ _ _

____"I did not ask for an explanation about myself." he said flatly._ _ _ _

____She shrugged unbothered. "You never do, but I still provide them. That's how it was when we met, remember? I'm improper, always have been, always will be."_ _ _ _

____His eyes narrowed at her impropriety. "A little professionalism would be greatly appreciated right now."_ _ _ _

____"Alright, what do you want to know?"_ _ _ _

____"Firstly, what your specific reasoning was to your suggestion on the bridge?" Demonstrating his typical stance, he waited for her answer._ _ _ _

____"I thought that since they didn't kill us before and have yet to kill Pike, we could follow them and start making ridiculous proclamations of war without them taking us seriously but being distracted which would have given time for the rest of the fleet to make it there as well. I thought I made it clear, but apparently not, since no one was understanding me." Felicity rolled her eyes. The incompetence!_ _ _ _

____"Or perhaps your idea was simply too unrealistic." Spock corrected._ _ _ _

____"Well, I didn't study Romulan behavior. It was just a thought." she rebutted passively._ _ _ _

____He shook his head, wishing desperately to be wholly human so he could roll his eyes at her. "Unfortunately your answer has provided me with no more reasoning than before I arrived, so I shall forge ahead to the next question. Why did you leave the bridge without dismissal?"_ _ _ _

____"I thought the marooning of Kirk and ending of the discussion with no regard to what any of the other crew members said was dismissal enough."_ _ _ _

____"Felicity. I am captain, which means I am your captain, and you are to regard me with the same respect as you would any other superior officer." Trying to be as gently as possible, Spock tried his best to achieve her assent._ _ _ _

____"I don't think that's possible. Maybe I could without the altercation before getting on this ship, but I have yet to forgive you and find it impossible to look at you with awe and inspiration. I still have bruises, you know. Why do you think I wear this long-sleeved uniform while running all over this hot ship?" She didn't say it with animosity, more matter-of-fact like._ _ _ _

____Guilt slapped him in the face for the second time that day which was highly unusual for a competent Vulcan. It was quickly smothered though with his much needed self control. "I...understand your complications, but your unprofessional attitude still needs to be changed. We are faced with a crisis and must put personal matters aside."_ _ _ _

____"I'll see what I can do. Any other questions, my liege?" A small smile tugged on the corners of her lips._ _ _ _

____Spock decided to ignore her remark. "It is a matter of personal loyalty, and not fully pertinent to our current mission, but I was curious-"_ _ _ _

____"I'm sorry, all personal matters must be put aside." she interrupted him, as usual._ _ _ _

____"I said not fully. It's still relevant." he said flatly; irritation making his lip twitch._ _ _ _

____"Continue then." Her reply was serene._ _ _ _

____"Dr. McCoy is good friends with Jim Kirk, is he not?" Felicity nodded once. Spock waited momentarily for a verbal response but pressed on when she simply stared at him. "Why did he not create much of a disturbance when I sent one of his good friends off the ship? Neither did anyone else. I trust they saw my reasoning but wish to know why even you did not speak out."_ _ _ _

____"Because you are captain, and while some might have been afraid to be marooned as well, I think most just stood by since it's their duty. Leonard, while passionate, follows the rules and has decent honor. The two men at the control panel probably knew their place to not speak out against the captain. Nyota probably agrees with every mindless thing you may say, and I felt nothing. Since the destruction of Vulcan, I too feel dead inside. At that point in time, you could have marooned me, and I probably wouldn't have cared."_ _ _ _

____He absorbed all the information but only concentrated on that which was relevant to his specific question. "So loyalty outweighs friendship?"_ _ _ _

____"Every case is different, but for Leonard, loyalty was more sensible. I could only imagine how difficult it was for him though. You should really apologize." She nodded as if it were the most sensible idea she ever had._ _ _ _

____"Why would I, when the fault was with Kirk?" His voice rose an octave as he spoke. The typical sign that he was furiously indignant._ _ _ _

____Felicity was very amused. "Apologize for the situation. Be empathetic. It'll strengthen his loyalty to you."_ _ _ _

____"Being emotional?" he asked with doubt._ _ _ _

____"Relating." Glancing at the chronometer on the wall, she looked back at Spock with a sigh. "I have been on duty two hours past my break and would love something to eat. You are more than welcome to walk with me though." She turned and began walking slowly._ _ _ _

____Spock followed her lead. "I will escort you to the turbolift. Going down to the mess hall will be a waste of time for me."_ _ _ _

____She stopped her mosey and turned to face him. "You could spend the time with me." she propositioned quite forcefully._ _ _ _

____He nodded but combated her statement. "As I could spend the time with the other members of my crew on the bridge."_ _ _ _

____"But I'm actually a friend of yours...among other things." she added with consideration, a light, distant smile playing on her lips._ _ _ _

____"Nyota is my friend."_ _ _ _

____Felicity almost created herself a unibrow at his comment. Never before had he actually professed Nyota and he being friends. Acquaintances, scholastic associates, occasional companions, but never friends. The connection itself was nothing to be disturbed about, but the proclamation was what worried her. Too much new information and too many observed interactions created a sense of unrest in the small woman in red. It was the first real emotion she felt since her lover silenced his emotions with rationale and regulations._ _ _ _

____"A-alright then." was all she could say from the whiplash._ _ _ _

____Spock lightly tugged on her wrist for them to continue walking. He enjoyed the quiet moments with Felicity, when she was not always arguing with him._ _ _ _

____"Jim is right, you know." she said breaking the silence between them._ _ _ _

____"Don't tell me that you agree with him." He actually flinched minimally from the thought._ _ _ _

____Felicity stared straight ahead spotting the turbolift. "Completely."_ _ _ _

____Sighing, he wondered to himself why they could hardly ever have peace without disagreements. "You are allowing your emotions to interfere with your decision."_ _ _ _

____"Me? Jim's reasoning makes more realistic sense, and while going back to the rest of the fleet sounds good on paper, in a classroom, it is the most ridiculous idea in this instance. Quite obviously, actually. I think you're the one who is being ruled by emotions."_ _ _ _

____An irritation that would normally be smited the instance of it's ignition clutched Spock's lungs making it difficult for him to breathe. He was Vulcan. His choices were made based on logic, and of course his decision would naturally be the best for their survival and victory. Humans were always so troublesome with their inconsistency and stubborn dismissal of the obvious truth. "If you believe in the opposition to my orders so adamantly, then I am afraid I must confine you to your quarters for security purposes."_ _ _ _

____What happened next was not what any man, woman or beast would have ever expected. Felicity simply rolled her eyes, stopped walking and said with a bored sigh, "Really? Spock?"_ _ _ _

____"If you do not support my decision, then I have no choice but to consider your perspective as mutinous and must adhere to the appropriate actions and protocols to absolve the matter."_ _ _ _

____"You're really going to confine me to my quarters?" she repeated._ _ _ _

____He turned his body, and they stood face to face in the corridor of the Enterprise. "Unless you change your mind."_ _ _ _

____"You may be captain, but you are not a dictator."_ _ _ _

____"Do I need to contact security to escort you?" His voice was quiet; menacing._ _ _ _

____"Fuck you, I am security!" Felicity shouted at him, actually showing some adverse emotion for the first time. Within only a few seconds, she calmed immediately and waved him off. "I know the way, so don't overexert yourself."_ _ _ _

____She didn't want to assume or get mad. While a wonderful and caring person to people in need or those with pleasant dispositions, Felicity couldn't help but be a typical, vicious woman when wronged. To be reprehensible while the rest of the universe was spinning around them would be irredeemable, but saying perfectly venomous retorts was a horrible character flaw always obvious in retrospect, and she couldn't stop the words from leaving her mouth, with a wry, wicked smile, as she entered the turbolift. "Instead of using this whole charade of bullshit, you could have just manned-up and admitted to wanting to fuck Nyota instead of me anymore."_ _ _ _

____And the doors closed before Spock could even consider a response._ _ _ _


	26. Adversary

Leonard McCoy sat on the edge of the small desk in Felicity's quarters. Random effects were scattered on the floor from the earlier altercation with the Romulans, and she was stomping around retrieving PADDs and papers that had gone awry, trying her best to organize some semblance of her life. Every so often she would make an unintelligible grumble about pointy ears or some ass hole.

"You have been an enormous bitch lately." Leonard remarked as she kicked a PADD out of her way with significant force.

His words did nothing to upset her, and she remained as conversational as ever. "Have I? I suppose, but really, everyone has been. Including mon capitan."

"Taking on learning French?"

Felicity shook her head and narrowed her eyes. "I don't like saying he's my captain in any native language. It hurts my brain too much."

"I would have expected you to be supportive during his time of need." Standing up from the table, Leonard began to follow her around the room. He would have helped having been relieved of duty and having nothing to do, but there was a particular place for each strewn item, and if it was not in it's exact home, Felicity would most likely have a meltdown.

Holding a half-broken vase in her hand, she stopped cleaning and stared into space. "Perhaps I am too much of a bitch. For a while, I was, but then his whole thought process stopped making sense, and I got tired of everything not making sense. It hasn't been the best week in my life." she finished quite apathetically while disposing of the glass.

Leonard picked up other piece of the decoration in an attempt to help with something. "Tell me about it."

"I mean, seriously. How is this not the most ridiculous incident ever encountered by anyone? A bunch of deranged Romulans from the presumed future come back to act upon some vendetta against Spock by destroying his planet, don't destroy us, then head for Earth with our real captain still alive. What about that makes sense?" Felicity turned to Leonard egregiously and gave him a look as if to say, "What the fuck?", and picked up the PADD she kicked earlier.

"I thought that was your department?" he retorted with an arched eyebrow. The motion was something different from what she was used to, as a person without a pointed eyebrow did it.

"It is, and I can comprehend everything except for wanting to destroy Vulcan, but no one cares to hear what I have to say." She began shaking the PADD in her hand taking out her frustration on the poor, innocent device. "I wish my job was to load the guns. The photons and all."

"That's usually only reserved for men since those damned torpedoes are so heavy. I know only a few women who do it." he offered. Leonard found the image of Felicity dragging one of those massive missals with difficulty. It would be tough, but she would do it more than enthusiastically, he knew.

She plopped onto the white couch in her room with a sigh. "It would be much more exciting...and I'd get to have access to guns."

"Maybe that wouldn't be such a good change for you. Especially on a ship with Spock." He said so with reluctance, because in his whole, wide world, Leonard would have loved to see them have it out in public, while on the ship. What an entertaining prospect.

Felicity looked up at him with a youthful and innocent look. "I feel bad. I haven't asked you how you feel since Jim was banished."

The good doctor pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Well. Life has certainly been less eventful. I still can't believe Spock threw him off the ship. I mean, put him in a holding cell, or assign security teams to keep an eye on him, but marooning him on some class-M planet with only God knows what, is ridiculous."

A barely visible scratch was located on the wall where an obscure, useless painting was flung off its hook. Felicity jumped up and rubbed vigorously at the mark, but it wouldn't come out. "Spock probably expects people to conspire with Jim against him. Especially security. Those damned delusive security officers..."

Leonard snorted at her bizarre...ness. "You're so full of it."

She laughed right back at him. "Oh, if it were only a lie."

Watching as Felicity continued to organize the remaining mess, he thought back to the last appearance he made on the bridge. "Spock did call me up to the bridge for us to have a little chat."

Straightening, she stared at him with a mixture of disbelief and humor. "What about?"

"He wanted to recognize how difficult it must have been for me to stand by him while my friend was marooned." The southern drawl weaved into his words with distain.

A chair was straightened at the small desk in the room. "Rat bastard. That is exactly what I was bitching at him about earlier. Did he say he was sorry."

"No."

"Figures. What a prat." She left the chair and desk and went to find more exciting ventures in the area of cleaning.

Leonard followed her to a partially hung vent that she could reach to fix. He helped readjust the panel. "I mean Jim can get delusional about how great he thinks he is, but that's no excuse to send him flying."

"I think Spock had it out for him since the Kobayashi Maru. Personally, I'd be pissed too if someone cheated on my test then tried to be blase about it." she had to concede. Young men were always so stubborn and reckless, no matter their species.

He scratched the back of his head considering her point of view, but Leonard had been there, and he saw how those two sparred. "Certainly, but Spock had every intention to cut Jim to the quick. Made a couple brutal remarks about his father's death."

Shaking her head, she felt the guilt from having been the deliverer of the callous ammo. "Spock has been having difficult times lately, and not only since we've been on this ship, so it's hard to for me to stay mad at him when thinking about all these circumstances, but when he pulls all this bullshit, I can't help but want to punch him in the testicles."

"What kind of hard time has he been having?"

Felicity held up a hand to dismiss him. "It's not my place to say, but I will just mention that I haven't been too pleased with him lately."

"You mean there are other reasons besides you being confined to quarters?" He drawled the words loving to remind her every chance he got.

Rolling her eyes, she walked past. "I hate you."

Leonard watched on the side as she continued to move around the room like a productive tornado. He found their conversation amiable as always and enjoyed talking to someone with the same dark sense of humor and maturity. Jim was his best friend, but at times, he was far too brazen to be of fantastic company. Feeling like a puppy for continuing to follow Felicity around, Leonard pushed himsefl away from the wall and walked to where her bag of belonging lay on the floor. She was shifting through the contents looking for something. "I gotta tell you. Being the doctor who had to tend to those few Vulcans here was so difficult. I never thought I would ever in my life feel sorry for them, but they showed signs of significant shock to me, even if they aren't supposed to have any sort of emotion."

She turned from her bag to say pointedly, "You know as well as I do, they have emotion. Maybe they were just so teary-eyed with your incredibly profound medical skills."

The doctor was about to counter her remark when Spock's disembodied voice came over the whole ship's communication system.

"Security, seal the engineering deck. We have intruders in turbine, section three. Set phasers to stun."

"Speak of the devil." Leonard said while shaking his head. He then noticed Felicity jump up and stride quickly to the door. "Where are you going?"

"Fuck this shit. I'm going to check that out even if I am confined to quarters."

"I'll try and petition Starfleet for your safe return once you're marooned too." Leonard said and began to make his way to the bridge hoping to see be part of some excitement.

No one really noticed Felicity's unwarranted presence in the white corridors. Spock hadn't bothered to notify any security personnel of her comfortable imprisonment, since he felt horrible for the way he treated her of late, and because he knew she wouldn't bother leaving her room after the order was given. Unless there was something of supreme interest.

She jogged quickly past other crew members until she reached a turbolift and ordered it to engineering. There was no phaser strapped to her waist. In the whirlwind of excitement, it was forgotten, but she would be in the background behind numerous armed men. There was little to worry about if a few crazy Romulans attempted to board the ship.

Once on the proper engineering deck, Felicity was immediately out of her league, and she looked around the multiple rotary engines, searching for anyone, when four red-shirted security officers raced past her. Simple deduction provided that following them would be the most efficient option to find the intruders, and so she picked up the pace into a sprint. Passing by the massive engines, the back of her mind less concerned with the mission at hand wondered frivolously which type of water turbines the Enterprise employed. A Pelton, Francis, or Kaplan turbine? Or possibly a mixture of all three. But who was she to say? Her forte was not engineering.

A few quick turns were made through the maze of walkways, and she spotted the red shirts running up to a higher engineering deck. A few were recognizable to her, and she had full faith no one would bother telling her to get out of the way, so she followed.

While still lacking in speed not wanting to tire herself out needlessly and finding no reason to be incredibly quick since she was still behind the men on the narrow walkway, she anticipated what they would find, hoping it to be some Romulan reprobate.

She noticed that she was gaining on the couple officers in front of her and picked up the pace, only to realize they had all but stopped, and it took great effort to not run into the men in front of her. Leaning off to the side to see what the men in red, and her, cornered, Felicity was surprised to see Jim Kirk positioned as if wanting to fight. He was accompanied by another man, soaking wet, who she had never seen the likes of. Scooting as close as possible to the man in front of her, she watched the criminal retrieval commence.

It was the man in front of the one she stood behind who was first to speak and commanded the small security party. "Come with me, cupcake." His voice was harsh and filled with distaste, but Felicity almost laughed out loud as she looked at the security officer's back like he was crazy. What an odd thing to say to someone.

She waived pleasantly to Jim as he and the other companion were escorted to the bridge. Luckily Ben, the young security officer who took a fancy with Felicity earlier, was one of the men apprehending the two scallywags. He allowed her into the turbolift with them, after she stated the necessity for a senior officer to escort the party...and batted her lashes at him sweetly.

Felicity stayed in the background, to try and prevent any unnecessary attention, as they exited the turbolift. At least with her uniform still on, she did not look out of place in the security cartel, but she probably could have been jumping around waving her arms for all the care Spock was paying to anyone besides the cause of his vexations...and the other, drenched man. Why was that man even there?

The commanding Vulcan began viciously demanding answers about how they were able to board the ship while at warp speed. Listening closely, Felicity was very curious to know how they came to be on the ship as well. Spock interrogated Jim with question after question with a resounding tone of serious anger, but the blonde man did not relinquish any information. In fact, he was being incredibly uncooperative in response. For everything that transpired over the past few days, Spock and Jim had every right to be frustrated with each other, enraged even, but the sordid remarks about the Vulcan's dead mother were unwarranted, at least according to Felicity.

Umbrage flared inside of the small woman in red. She wasn't sure if it was from Spock or her own perturbation, but she was certainly regretting sticking up for Jim as he said snidely, "Did you see his ship? Did you see what he did?"

Their opposition took a turn for the worst as the concern was no longer how Jim and his companion came to be on the ship but how Spock was an emotionless, drone and Jim was an insolent who harangued superiors. Though neither would have like to admit it, both were operating fully on emotions in the controversy.

It was finally when Jim shouted, "You never loved her," when Spock's human anger surfaced. Everyone watched in horror as their commanding officer punched the blonde so hard, he fell back against one of the security officers, but it was not enough. The black shirt found it's way into the overly strong, Vulcan hands as Spock continued to pummel the man who crudely remarked about his mother. In his head, Spock dared anyone to try and stop him. They would receive the same treatment.

The chaos that was the U.S.S. Enterprise made Felicity want to pull her hair out as she watched her former lover grip Jim's throat. Everyone stood by motionless, unwilling to take on a Vulcan, wondering what the end result would be, few hoping it wouldn't end in the most undesirable circumstance.

It had only been a few days since their issues...in bed, and so Felicity assumed the large number of circumstances were what caused his outburst, but she still had bruises under her turtleneck thus having no desire to speak out against the unnecessary, harsh treatment. He had almost killed her once before; she was not going to risk it again, though she considered using a phaser to stun the ferocious man towering over Jim. Unfortunately, she left her phaser in her quarters. Damn it. She never had the right timing.

All those present on the bridge watched as Jim tried in vain to breathe. There was no sign of relinquish until the most calm yet outraged of people spoke out. "Spock." came Sarek's stern, unbelieving voice in a bark of indignation.

It took a moment for his mental facilities to return making him realize what he was trying to do, but once they did, Spock released Jim as if his hand was being burned. He looked up at his father, the man who needn't do much to always bring him back to reality and was met with a hard, disapproving gaze. Spock immediately lowered his eyes in shame and walked away from the man who moments ago insulted his mother and almost paid the dearest cost.

The small, female, security officer watched carefully as Spock repudiated his position as ship's captain. She wondered briefly what would happen in the instance a vessel was without command, but any random or nonsensical thought was assaulted by the sight of Nyota Uhura walking over to meet him as he was leaving. The meaningful glances tore through Felicity like a knife, and her heart tightened into a knot as he walked off the bridge

She stood with the rest of the crew dumbfounded after their commanding officer vacated the bridge. Her eyes met Sarek's before he too exited in hopes of finding his son. Felicity quickly followed feeling it was her right to speak with her long-time companion more so than anyone else on the ship; other than his father, obviously.

Following far behind Sarek to the transporter room, Felicity didn't go in and tried to remain as far away as possible to not eavesdrop on their conversation. The transporter room. It was only fitting for Spock to be there since that was where he lost his mother, in a sense. She thought back to memories of Amanda for the umpteenth time over the course of only a few days, since her untimely death. Thinking about losing her friends was difficult. Thinking about losing her mother in such a fashion would have made Felicity nearly suicidal. With everything in mind about Spock's character and what he had done, including the almost unnoticeable bruises on her thighs, she couldn't begrudge a person with so much conflict.

While waiting around the corner of the transporter room, she heard Sarek remark about about his late wife. "I married her, because I loved her." Such simple words, but coming from a man with so little emotions to spare, it seemed so much more heartfelt and painful. She wanted to cry but controlled herself knowing she had to be strong for Spock.

Felicity was lost in thought for an indeterminable amount of time. She only realized Sarek and Spock were finished talking when her eyes finally focused on a very tall figure standing directly in front of her.

Sarek looked down at her with a tired look in his emotionless irises. " He is young and uncertain, Felicity. Try not to hold too much against him."

She nodded slowly her acquiescence. He bowed his head marginally then gracefully took his leave of the two youths.

Felicity took her time entering the transporter room, finding Spock standing on one of the steps lost in thought. "I'd ask if you're alright, but I'm pretty sure I already know the answer."

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. "How has everything come to this?"

"Leonard and I were saying the same thing earlier. It's not been the best of weeks." She leaned against the transporter's computer and regarded him quietly. "Are you alright?"

Looking at her out of the corner of his eyes, he questioned, "Need you ask? Can you not feel each jolt of emotion I feel?"

"You're such a mess of emotions, I can't discern anything."

"I've been better." he answered her initial question.

"Naturally." She walked up one step to meet him. So many emotions were displayed on his face. It was indeed hard to decipher anything from him anymore. Mimicking his stance, Felicity clasped her hands behind her back before asking, "Spock, why am I here?"

"I don't understand the question." He sounded like an old record, recalling the familiar question from when they first met, and everything was new and curious. His circumstance at the present though was much less interesting and much more defective.

"I have been fairly useless in this whole endeavor...and I'm not exactly sure what you want from Nyota, so I don't understand why I had to come with you." Felicity tried to clarify as honestly and blatantly as possible.

Spock responded just as truthful yet confused. "Nyota has attempted to offer consolation over the death of my mother with the side intention of gaining my affections. I don't know why..."

Though disappointed, the little woman in red couldn't help but investigate the situation further. "What have you done with her?"

"Kissed." His eyes turned to the transporter controls.

Felicity actually chuckled, continually astounded by the absurdity on the ship. It wasn't a happy chuckle but a laugh nonetheless. "Again?"

She asked for no elaboration, but he felt she deserved the facts, having already withheld so much from her on so many subjects. "I was on my way to see you after the destruction of Vulcan, and she cornered me in the turbolift. Well, I can't exactly say cornered. I did not push her away, and I felt too guilty, I couldn't visit you."

Watching him closely, she tried not to sound too forlorn as she proposed the question she wanted to ask least. "Is she what you want?"

Spock looked at Felicity directly for the first time since she sought his company. His eyes were dark with confusion and desperation. "You mean as a mate? Her instead of you? While I understand my lack of control by allowing her near me, and I cannot properly use my emotions as an excuse, the comprehension of my actions of late is not completely known to me right now. Why would you expect me to favor her over you?"

"I just need to know, Spock. I'm not about to judge someone for getting emotional about the death of a loved one, but I wanted to know if that's how you feel regardless."

They were silent for some time, standing a few feet apart, neither one looking at the other. It was Spock who finally broke the silence. "I wanted you to be safe."

"I'm sorry?"

Feet shuffled their way a couple inches closer to her. "I wanted you here to keep you safe."

She laughed again but this time truly amused. "I can take care of myself a lot better than this."

He reached out tentatively and lightly grasped her hand in his hesitant fingers. "It seems I can seldom make the correct decision regarding our relationship."

She moved slowly closer. "I haven't been the easiest to deal with either."

"The decision to regroup with the fleet was a mistake."

"Good to know you realize it." Another thought came to mind, and he hadn't addressed it, for good reason of being far too concerned with other things, but Felicity was curious about her own, personal status. "Am I still confined to my quarters?" A light smirk touched her soft lips.

Spock wanted to kiss the lips that playfully taunted him. He wanted for Felicity to wrap her arms around him and care for him like a child, but what he wanted was superfluous in the face of so much, and so he replied with a simple, yet barely amused, "No."

Trying to think of anything that could take his mind away from the pain renewed, she looked around the transporter room for anything of interest, but it was all interesting. That could be a conversation in and of itself, though. "How do you like your ship?"

"It's no longer my vessel, but I find it to be highly efficient and the quality of the programming and interior is more than acceptable." He was more than thankful to have a question posed not concerning anything significant. Thinking about what on the ship appealed to him lightened the constriction on his heart.

Felicity shrugged. "I find myself to be a bit useless around here. I want to be back on the Mercury. Or at my cushy office job."

"I could see myself serving on this ship quite comfortably." Spock's eyes looked all around the newly-furbished transporter.

"Have at it."

"You wouldn't?" he asked in disbelief.

Taking her hand out of his light grasp, she folded her arms across her chest. "Spock. You know this isn't my kind of ship. It doesn't specialize in what I do, and I can't do nothing for a whole tour, whether it be one year, three or five."

"And what about you and I?"

"Isn't that always the perpetual question? What happens to 'us', because we are so similar yet our interests are so vastly different? I can't keep compromising myself to please you."

"I understand, and seeing the future is almost impossible right now." He was referring to the imminent annihilation of Earth.

"Rightly so. We've only got the possible destruction of various planets to worry about. Perhaps we should talk about our relationship when all this is over."

"You mean decide if we should continue our courtship?" His brows drew together.

She fidgeted before responding softly. "...I suppose."

Spock tilted his head to the side and looked at her like a small puppy, with pointed ears; possibly a newborn German Shepard. "Why are you so uncertain?"

His expression was so adorable and virtuous that her answer was only halfhearted. "Because you're being mean and kissing other girls and maroon people and beating the shit out of Kirk."

"I believe I am allowed some emotional reaction given the current circumstances and my dual heritage." He was half-teasing, half-earnest.

"Ok then. The kissing other girls part still applies though. I mean, seriously, if she's what you want, have at it, but...fucking let me know." Felicity turned away so he didn't see the tears threatening to fall.

Spock thought hard about it. Did he want Nyota more than Felicity? When he asked himself, the answer was quick and simple. No, but when he considered the way he reacted around the linguist, he couldn't logically explain his actions. They almost mirrored how he was presented himself to Felicity during the early stages of their relationship, yet less stimulating. "I do not."

"That's good. In my opinion, at least." She thought about what the Bantu woman would have to say on the subject and felt little sympathy. What was the current count for how many advances she tried to make toward Spock? Absurd. Felicity placed a hand on his chest, her hand's favorite place when he was fully clothed, and gently nudged him away from the transporter. "Why not go and get some sleep, Spock?"

"Would you like to come with me?" He captured her hand and tried to pull her against his body, but she acted as an equal and opposite reaction.

It was tempting. It had been awhile since she had any, at least in a pleasurable encounter, but she could see the lethargy in his eyes. "Hmm. I think you just need to rest right now. I'll come and visit you in the morning."

"You have a significant point." With reluctance, he freed her hand and took his leave of her.

"Try not to do too much work, Spock and really put some effort into getting some sleep." she called after him as he slowly trudged into the ship's corridors.

As he walked down the halls, a number of crew members past by, and when they did, most sidestepped the Vulcan having probably heard the news about his lapse of control. Many gave him apprehensive looks as if certain he would lash out at one of them. He ignored these encounters, kept his eyes low and wished to arrive at his quarters sooner through relative time and space travel.

Once the door to his temporary quarters was in sight, another figure beside the gateway to his solace came into view. "What are you doing here?" he asked exhaustively to Nyota' thin frame.

She took a step forward with her arms hugging her waist. "I wanted to make sure you're alright."

"Yes." He was terse with her and felt little remorse. Sleep. That was all he wanted. No father, no women, no crew members walking past watching him with suspicion. Sleep.

More of an explanation was offered. "I didn't want to interrupt you and Felicity. Are you two alright?"

There was nothing about his present predicament that was "alright". His answer was terse and filled with grievance. "What would you expect? Does it please you to know we are not?"

"Yes...and no. I know she makes you happy, Spock, but I can't help my feelings as well." His face was expressionless as he watched her with apathy. Thinking quickly for anything to entice him with, she offered, "Are you hungry? I could get you something."

He never liked being waited on but the idea of food was very appealing. He hadn't eaten in three days, which was long even for his Vulcan physiology. "Some Plomeek soup would be appreciated." he said softly.

"I'll get you some then." She let him enter the code to the door in front of them and marched straight to the replicator. It wasn't much to do, but the offer was sweet enough, she figured. Taking care of him also offered to take her mind off of her own loss. Once the bowl fully materialized, she offered it up proudly.

Nyota sat with him a while, mute as he properly ate the hot meal. Her long legs were folded underneath her slim body, which was next to his on the couch, but not too close. Spock could only have imagined Felicity or his father walking in to find them together. A catastrophe would best explain the possible predicament.

She leaned closer to him. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"What I am thinking does seem to be on many people's minds lately." he remarked passively, not bothering to answer her question.

The curious disregard confused her, but the remote expression deterred her from asking again. The mannerly way in which he ate amused her. During the most desperate of times, his conduct didn't falter. Much. "Is there anything else I can do?"

"There is no assistance I require."

When he finished the mild soup, she gently took the bowl from his hands and left to dispose of it. "Please. If you need to speak, about whatever you want, I will without a doubt, listen to you."

While thinking it was none of Nyota's business, he still considered her a friend and wanted to talk to someone, so he didn't seem crazy if he were to talk to himself. "I am uncertain about so much. All my logic has been useless, and every effort I made to chose the best paths for my command has been a waste. My emotions continue to surface, and I am powerless to prevent it."

The dark-skinned woman continued to stand, not wanting to make him in any way uncomfortable. It was always difficult to relinquish information from Spock, and she didn't want to startle the fickle Vulcan. "You've been through a lot."

He thought back to before coming on the ship. Felicity's bruised neck and long sleeved uniform were difficult to have vacate his thoughts. "More than you know."

"Tell me." she urged.

"It is not your business." he said honestly.

His words though nonchalant stung her. It was tiresome to play games, and Nyota was nearing the end of her patience. "How do you feel about us, Spock? Sometimes I think you want for us to be closer, but I'm never sure. You seem like that's what you want, and yet you're reluctant."

He countered her inquiry with his own. "What I do not understand is how you persistently loiter around despite the fact that I am still in a relationship."

"Lately, you haven't seemed happy with her. I wanted to be here for you."

Spock looked at his feet stretched out in front of him. He certainly hadn't been the most honorable mate to his lover. This only further fueled his self-pity.

He allowed Nyota to sit down next to him for the majority of the evening. They did nothing but sit together and speak occasionally. The young Vulcan hopelessly wished his mother was around. He would have asked her advice about so much.

*******************************************************************************

Spock armed himself with a phaser and holster. Not too dramatic but functional. Felicity thought in the back of her mind of how amusing it would be to see him garbed in full, medieval, battle regalia; with noisy armor, a helmet with a tiny slit to see and a long broadsword. Hell, she had nothing else better to do.

Sarek stood beside her waiting for his son to ready himself. They would walk together to the transporter room reviewing the strategy to gain back Captain Pike and the black hole device. Once Felicity had entered the ship's armory, he stayed silent and carefully scrutinized their interactive behavior. Recalling the scene on the bridge made him wonder about his son's current relationship status.

Felicity looked over the numerous phasers stored away. She wanted them all, strapped all over her body and to pick a fight with anyone. "Is there anything in particular you want me to concentrate my scanners on while you're over there?"

"Remain watchful of their weapons systems. Make sure the systems don't begin to power-up, which would be a sure sign the Enterprise was detected. If such a circumstance were to occur, Mr. Sulu has been given orders to leave the vicinity."

Walking to him, she began wringing her hands with nervousness. She didn't want him to leave. It was a foolish mission that could very well leave him for dead, but he insisted, and she couldn't argue with his reasoning which returned to its normal, sound state.

A soft smile graced her lips. "Be safe."

His eyes were calculating as he regarded her. He felt like he didn't deserve to speak to her. "I intend to."

She let her hand stroke his hard chest before kissing him softly on the cheek.

The older Vulcan watched at the two interacted so politely. He wondered quietly if there had been trouble between them since the destruction of his and his son's home planet. Spock's behavior as of late had been inexcusable to more than a few people, and Felicity was certainly no exception to the transferred anger. Then again, any incident could have very well been her fault instead. He did not judge or come to any conclusion and decided to examine the door instead while they kissed properly.

"I'll be waiting for you." she said seriously. He had to come back, or there would be hell to pay, for someone. People typically underestimate the power a small woman can yield.

"Don't wait too long." he said with a sigh as he finished getting ready.

"You better come back." She placed her hands on her hips teasingly. "Anything else would be illogical."

Following the two Vulcans through the pristine, white halls, Felicity wondered what it would be like for Jim and Spock on the Romulan ship. There was only so much she could do to ensure their safety. It was like feeling useless in a matter of utmost importance, in fact, it was exactly that, and she hated it.

When they came to the intersection where she would have to leave for security, she and her heroic champion bid their farewells one more time, courteously since they were in public instead of the privacy of the armory. The separation wasn't as desperate as one might expect; both found it difficult to imagine Spock not returning. Even with full knowledge of the statistics, he didn't expect it to be the last time he saw her.

After they parted, Felicity took one more look back and was surprised to watch Nyota Uhura follow Spock to the transporter room. She didn't bother with the hassle to see what the chocolate-colored woman wanted. Nyota always wanted the same thing from Spock. Her intentions never veered, but on occasion, they were only quelled.

The temperature of Felicity's blood rose slowly with each footstep she took to the security deck. By the time she sat at her terminal and activated the computer, she was fuming. She tried accessing the scanners but typed the wrong access code four times while thinking about how much smoother Nyota's hair was than her's or how slim her legs were. Not only jealousy but perturbation was what Felicity felt at the continual, confusing Nyota and Spock saga. Just when she thought things were over, an incident would flair up again.

While usually being the one to brood and contemplate a malicious retaliation for an enemy, Felicity was so overwhelmed with pent-up frustration she could hardly see beyond the red tinted room around her. And so the normally contemplative security woman pushed herself away from the unaccessed computer and began a trek for the transporter room.

On the way there, she thought about so many satisfying situations where Felicity would punch Nyota in the face, or trip her and break her leg, or stun her with a phaser. All options were warranted in the small woman's opinion, though most would prevent Felicity from furthering any possible career, or at least keep her confined to quarters for the only exciting part of the round trip to Vulcan.

Rules are so troublesome.

Being too reasonable to give Nyota a physical thrashing, a more verbal one became the most desired option. The newly graduated communications officer was sitting at a terminal behind the protective glass in the transporter room. Apparently Jim and Spock already boarded the Romulan ship, and Sarek was watching their progress from another vantage point.

Felicity walked up to the back of her adversary's chair and said in an outstandingly cheerful and upbeat voice, "Can I talk to you for a second?"

There was much trepidation in Nyota's eyes when she whipped her head around to see from where the voice came. She stood slowly. "Sure."

Navigating them just outside in the sparkling white corridor, Felicity turned, watched Nyota for a few moments wanting to be perfect with everything she would say. Stuttering like an idiot would be lose her major cool-points. She started off by disarming the tall, slim woman in front of her. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Backing a step away, Nyota practically screeched, "Excuse me?"

"I'm not an idiot. I know you've been baiting Spock, so stay the fuck away from him. Keep to your useless communications bullshit; don't even think about going anywhere near science; only talk to him when pertaining to your job. I won't kick your ass, and then we can all go back to the way things were."

"You can't tell me what to do." The chocolate-colored woman opened her mouth to speak again, but Felicity was on the ball to continue her slaughter of anger, thoroughly preventing any counter argument.

She began wagging a finger at the heathen. "Oh, I just did. If I ever see you around him again in a manner that is not absolutely necessary, then I will punch you in the face. Now, you may go back to whatever useless duty you were doing."

Sadistic satisfaction. It was simple, and even without the possibility of bodily harm, concisely beating Nyota to death with words still felt exhilarating. As Felicity turned to leave the perpetual bane of her relationship with Spock, she could practically feel the rage behind her, which was fantastic to finally be the one to cause Nyota the pain and misfortune. Luckily it wasn't far to the closest turbolift, and soon Felicity was taken back to security, triumphant. For that battle at least.

Working with much more functionality, she commandeered a table with multiple computers for the many scans she wished to complete.

There were three computers being worked. One was locked onto the weapons systems of the Nurada, while the other monitored the physical status of the two Starfleet officers aboard. Nothing was at the ready, the drill wasn't lowered, and both men were uninjured.

The third, less important scan was under the orders of the chief of security and consisted of the surrounding space around the Romulan ship. It was useless to no extent, and every officer was required to conduct the scan, for what reason, Felicity was unsure, but she had better things to do and ignored that computer. Why not delegate each specific job to different security officers to maximize efficiency and speciality? As an afterthought, she considered herself to be more adept at being the chief of security.

Without her scans showing much of interest, worry started to fester. It was difficult to discern why though, and she had the horrible feeling the mood was not her own but of someone very close to her heart.

Concentrating hard to clear her thoughts, Felicity tried to attune her senses to any feeling that was not her own. She was searching for any inclination of what Spock was doing or feeling, and she felt very little of what he felt; almost nothing, actually. The bond between them had been weakened since the destruction of Vulcan. Well, possibly not the bond. Spock had felt very little except a blank sorrow since then. The worry was hers.

Her emotions were slowly becoming anesthetized as the anger toward Nyota dissipated into a simmering disappointment. The communications officer wasn't the only one to blame when it came to her interactions with the gorgeous Vulcan. Felicity desperately wanted the seclusion of an uninhabited room, so she could cry her eyes out to relieve some of the tension.

The numbness continued to spread, and when she turned her head at the sound of her name, it took longer for her vision to match the speed of her neck. The chief of security reprimanded her for not monitoring her surrounding space scan. She muttered a quick, "Sorry, sir." and checked the computer. Nothing of significance.

Looking around the quiet, security room, Felicity felt lonely. She could feel almost no connection to Spock, there were hardly any friends she knew or worked with, and she was light years away from her family being threatened on Earth. And at that, even with all her experience and expertise, there was next to nothing she could do to help or save them.

Not to mention her lackluster job on the ship was incredibly boring.

The structural integrity of the Nurada was suddenly fragmented by something new on her scanners. A new ship was introduced into the chaos, and all of the hushed security team became boisterous as they tried to determine the motive of the third vessel. Tactical personnel were standing by to charge the photon torpedoes.

There wasn't much to the ship in regards to a weapons arsenal. There were only the minimal amount of ammunition and guns on board, certainly posing no threat. Also, the design and configuration was nothing like the Romulan ship. Clean and sleek compared to bulky and dreary.

After one of the nameless redshirts scanned for lifeforms on the vessel, security relaxed marginally. Only one person was aboard and consisted of Vulcan genetics.

Felicity watched with tension as the small ship was captained through Earth's atmosphere and destroyed the connection to the tool for all the destruction plummeted to Earth's surface successfully thwarting any attempt to create a second black hole. There were a few cheers in the workstation she occupied, but her heart sank as Spock warped away, closely followed by the Romulans. Even if they could destroy Earth how they wanted, their ship was still preeminently advanced, and they could easily obliterate the ship Spock piloted and the Enterprise in one go.

By no means was she in command, second in command, chief of security, or even the commanding detail, security officer during the shift, but she was used to voicing her concerns about her job and forte and decided to open a communication to the bridge without prior approval.

"Mr. Sulu. Do you plan to follow that ship?" She didn't bother to look around at the imminent stares from the other officers.

Hikaru Sulu was confident with his reply. "I'm preparing for warp right now."

"Mr. Chekov, I would suggest remaining on the offensive."

"Aye." came the young man's intense voice.

The bridge seemed much more functional than security, and Felicity again thought back to a time of importance on her Mercury. She was so spoiled and took it all for granted.

Numbers and calculations went haywire on her various sensors as the ship blasted past stars, on a mission.

It was fabulously exciting to watch the screen of her scanner as the Enterprise followed and arrived in the middle of space, dropping out of warp with phasers and photons immediately shooting to neutralize the weapons from the Romulans. Ensign Chekov and his tactical skill prevented anything from harming the lone Vulcan.

Spock was heading straight for the Nurada, and in a beautiful display of maneuver control, the Enterprise glided, with little effort, right past's Spock and the ship he was piloting. The boys on the bridge certainly knew what they were doing. Felicity could see them being very useful in future altercations.

It had taken a while, but she began to feel emotions not her own. Worry and disappointment. This time he was worried, and for some reason, it was more troubling to her than feeling desperation or anger. She was so overcome by the sudden emotions, the scene was almost missed.

Shouting grabbed her attention, and she watched in horror as the ship, with the man she cared deeply about, crashed into the Nurada, causing a decent amount of destruction and twisted metal. For the longest fraction of a second in the world, Felicity couldn't breathe, and every emotion wanted to pour out of her tear ducts, but soon an unexplained relief washed over her senses.

Spock was safe.

*******************************************************************************

 _Cargo bay, my ass..._ was Spock's immediate thought once beamed to the Nurada. Jumping into action, he yanked out the phaser at his side and ran. The two Starfleet officers bustled out of harm's way, dodging flying pieces of light and dancing out of reach from other Romulans. They took turns racing past the other and firing at anything that moved and eventually, successfully cleared the area.

Once he and Jim...well mainly he, discovered the location of the black hole device, they began weaving their way further into the ship. Spock had the visual layout of the ship in his mind, thanks in part by the unwilling, but dead, Romulan candidate, and he lead Jim through the less overt cofferdams of the bulkheads.

They were quiet as to avoid detection, and as they spelunked through the dimly-lit abandon, Spock's mind was filled with thoughts of a woman.

He felt like such an imbecile. There was another kiss from Nyota, and this time he did nothing to prevent it and even kissed her timidly back. He wanted to put the phaser to his head for all the good he was worth, but he needed to focus. Captain Pike was still alive according to Felicity's scanners, and they had to save Earth from the same fate as Vulcan.

The pointed ears strained to detect any unwanted sound, but he and Jim were alone, for the time being...

What made matters even worse was how publicly they went about the mastication. He saw the confused and perturbed look of Jim Kirk out of the corner of his eye but did not dare openly acknowledge the incident. Not once had he been so open with Felicity. The only time he ever kissed her in front of anyone was earlier in front of his father.

A sudden splash of water behind them demanded his attention, and he whirled around, ready to fight, but it was only Jim tripping over his own boots. Lowering his phaser back to a safe level, he resumed the sneaking...

He didn't want to kiss Nyota. He didn't want to kiss her candidly. He did not want her as a lover and tried his hardest to think of any plausible excuse he could give for his actions. Beating the shit out of Jim forced him to think more clearly, but he was certainly still out of sorts. The Pon farr finally left his body, and he couldn't feel any tension lingering from his cycle. It was all his own uncertainty and emotional weakness, but his previously enraged emotions probably did not nothing to help matters, he assumed.

So many circumstances were out of his power, and yet the shame he felt for all the trouble he caused Felicity remained. She gave him so much of her life, and he didn't even have the dignity to respect her with the truth or his own self-control. Not that there was much he could have controlled about the Pon Farr and its lingering effects, but his own pathetic and inexperienced demeanor truly began to frustrate. He knew nothing of how he could hurt Felicity. He didn't know how to properly command a ship to the most appropriate course of action. He could not discern the emotions or empathize with his crew. He practically ruined one of the most important relationships he ever had in his life; hopefully he didn't who was to say at that point.

Volunteering was the only way he could feel like he was contributing positively to the mission as a whole. So there he was now running ahead of Jim en route to the ship he saw in the dead Romulan's mind. He wiped his personal thoughts away once spotting the small, lustrous ship in the dark din. Checking to see if any Romulans were protecting the ship and properly ending their duty shifts for good, Spock and Jim scampered their way onto the out-of-place vessel.

There was hardly anything recognizable in the way of controls. The original plan of Spock flying the ship to destroy the drill was coming to a halt. He was mildly disappointed and looked for any possible was he could gain control while voicing his concerns. When the ship's computer recognized him, needless to say, he was surprised.

 _"Computer. What is your manufacturing origin?"_ He listened as the computer confirmed his theory about time-traveling Romulans. As far as theories go, and even though Spock was fully willing to believe his own hypothesis, it was still incredibly weird for him to hear the computer offer the information that the ship he was standing in was built on Vulcan over a hundred years in the future.

Seeking his companion for the truth and receiving only a vague answer in return, Spock's mind worked quickly. The statistics of him returning to the ship were almost nonexistent, and he had so much left to tell Felicity. He had not properly said goodbye to her, or his father; anyone, really. But he would die soon and leave Felicity with all the anguish and uncertainty of his feelings for her.

While it wasn't the time or place, the very prominent possibility of not seeing Felicity caused him to call Jim back. Even if he died and left her alone, she still needed to know how he loved her. _"In the event that I do not return, please tell Lieutenant Uhura-"_

_"Spock. It'll work."_

_-that my feelings for Felicity have not changed_ , he completed the thought in his head. Though it was difficult to go against the odds, Jim's certainty provided him with new determination. He turned his attention to the controls of the futuristic Vulcan ship.

Without having to think too deeply about his piloting skills, his fingers deftly worked over the controls, properly sending lifting the ship into the air and through the interior of the Nurada. It was miraculous how he truly knew how fly the thing. He considered it to be due to the common thought process of all Vulcans. If it was created by a Vulcan, another could use it.

Bursting through the Romulan ship's exterior, Spock was once again apprehensive about his safety. Not that he expected the Romulans to immediately start firing, but without taking the time to properly scan his ship, the Enterprise would have good reason to want to shoot down anything coming from their enemies.

After successfully destroying the drill, he warped away to draw the Nurada away from Earth for any further altercation. Thankfully, they took the bait and followed him. Flying faster than light, he took the time to reflect about Felicity again. He wished he had made love to her the night before instead of sitting silently with Nyota. The end of his life would have been much more satisfying.

Once far enough away from Earth or any other planets, he dropped out of warp and quickly about faced, waiting for his adversary. He didn't have to wait long.

The deranged Romulans appeared again and began firing multiple torpedoes and phaser blasts.

Though redundant, the advanced computer notified Spock of his situation. _"Incoming missiles. If the ship is hit, the red matter will be ignited."_

His shoulders were tensed as he gazed through the viewscreen at the balls of light speeding toward him. _"Understood."_

He had not properly said goodbye to Felicity. He was unsure why, since he knew their mission would likely lead to death, and Jim had not allowed him his final farewell. Now he would be destroyed without her knowing he still loved her. All he wanted was for her to be happy. Disappointment and worry seethed in his being. At least he prevented the Romulans from carrying out their plans to destroy Earth.

Without expecting anything to aid in his attempted defeat of the Romulans, Spock was without words for the unexplainable emotions he felt when seeing the Enterprise enter the engagement and neutralize the weapons bounding toward the smaller, Vulcan ship. He couldn't express if it was happiness, excitement, thankfulness, relief, continued worry or any other possible, named experiences of biological reactions.

His ship was quickly closing the distance to the Romulan ship. When he could almost see the expressions on the faces of his enemies, an ethereal feeling washed over his body, and he began to feel weightless and loose. Panic set in, but only until he noticed the swirling light around his hands and arms from the transporter beam.

He would be safe.

*****************************************************************

Spock went to meet with Nyota as the ship was being repaired at space dock. It would be another few hours before the shuttles departed for San Francisco, and he had an urgent, personal need to end any coherence of a relationship with her once and for all. A certain sense of anxiety and discomfort ran through him as he reviewed the things he wanted to say to her.

They agreed to meet in the mess hall, since it was hardly occupied and quiescent. Most of the crew was more concerned with returning to Earth than fraternize. The woman he was anticipating sat at a secluded table against the wall with her hands folded together in her lap.

Walking to her, he remained standing as he regarded her. "Nyota."

Her look was soft as she looked up at him. "I cannot tell you how happy I am you're back safely.", and she shook her head as if in disbelief that he could be standing in front of her.

He lowered himself unto the chair across from her and spoke slowly. "I need to speak with you."

"You did wonderfully. Both you...and Kirk." she added a tad too reluctantly.

Spock decided to ignore the compliment and press on to the matter he wished to address. "While we were on the Romulan ship, I thought about you a considerable amount." Nyota smiled coyly at his declaration. "During the events of late, my control has waned greatly, and while I have found you attractive multiple times over these past few days, you are not what I want...still."

Nyota's jaw dropped. She had been certain her affections won him over, and he was severing the connection once more. This time she felt vindictive rather than foolish. "You are seriously going to do this to me again?"

"Yes, well you were the one who sought me out initially. Every time, actually. I feel no inclination to want a bond with you and sincerely doubt I will ever. I still greatly esteem your abilities as a communications officer and quality as a student, but you and I will never be, so please, do not consider me a prospect in your perception of a mate any longer." He got it all out. The speech was said a little faster than he would have liked, but he couldn't argue with the overall result. Concise yet genial enough to not warrant too much hate. He hoped.

"And you really want to spend the rest of your life, well, Felicity's life, with someone who you can barely stand being around? You two argue all the time."

"She is who I want as my mate."

She stared daggers at him, and a small sneer blossomed on her face. "I doubt Felicity is very happy with you right now. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't take you back."

His brow furrowed from confusion at the statement. "We were never parted."

"Unfortunately, kissing another girl parts you, Spock."

She had a point. A deep, significant, unwavering and obnoxious point. Luckily he and his lover never bickered for long. Well, that was a relative term, and since their longest argument exceeded the length of over nine months, he had to reconsider. They typically didn't bicker for long. "Felicity and I work through our disagreements."

"I hope you can." There wasn't much sincerity in her voice. Nyota knew she was walking a fine line between being considered the culprit and the victim, but Spock's fickle character over the past few days exacerbated her increasingly foul mood.

"I love her." Though his logic couldn't understand why this reasoning could possibly make sense, in his heart, it was perfectly logical. Standing to leave, he didn't move hastily away from the table. Instead, he couldn't help but feel the smallest fraction of sorrow from losing a friend. "I have discussed matters with the other Vulcans that have survived, and there are already plans in order to find another planet for our culture. My commission will more than likely be resigned, so I doubt we will meet once returned to San Francisco. I wish for you the best in your future endeavors, and that you find a suitable mate."

All she did was stare at him in response.

"There is no ill-will I bear for you Nyota. Please remember that." He nodded while taking his leave of her.

She watched his strong back leaving her and was disappointed she never got to dig her fingernails into the flesh under the blue uniform. She had done everything right according to her, but who in their own mind is wrong? Some people can realize it, but no one ever likes the possibility or even fact that they are the ones who cause the problems. Everyone considers themselves victims of the universe.

Her muse was leaving to be with others like him. She could only imagine the discomfort of Felicity Windsor and all her chaotic glory living with a mass of Vulcans. Nyota's smile returned, and though the bitter pain of defeat still stung, she knew her lingering desire for Spock would have to discontinue. It was time for her to begin concentrating on other things besides men, and work was the best way to get her mind away from something she certainly would never have.

Moving from her spot, Nyota muttered to herself as she went to get ready for departure. "Enough."

Spock's graceful stride almost faltered when his acute hearing detected a faint word. He was almost certain it had been spoken by the dark woman behind him too but didn't turn around to confirm his hypothesis. The constraints around his heart lightened significantly.

There was another woman Spock intended to find on the Enterprise, but he had a much more agreeable conversation in mind for her. Renouncing any personal affiliation to Nyota lifted an enormous yet metaphorical weight off his shoulders. Without the worry of her antics, he felt that he and his woman could affirm their status as lovers. He wished to do so more formally this time.

Felicity was found in her quarters. She was taking a nap and looked disheveled when she answered the door, a turtleneck still in place. Quickly stepping inside, he followed her to the beautifully upholstered, white couch. Her eyes were half-opened as she watched him, using his legs as a foot rest, waiting for him to speak.

He tried to chose his words carefully and interlocked his fingers with hers. "I have been considering the matter with some of the elders, including my father, and I believe I should resign from Starfleet and assist in the establishment of a new colony."

The sleep was wiped off her face, and her eyes became wide with surprise. "No more Starfleet?"

"It would be the most logical choice."

It might have been the sleep she was deprived of. It could have been her lack of a Vulcan mind. It could even presumably had to do with her study of choice being security rather than science, but she could not figure out how his choice made sense. "How so?"

"Think about it logically, Felicity. I am much more valuable with my race than as an officer on a starship."

"So does that mean you'll need to take a Vulcan wife?" She tried to pull her hands out of his grasp, but he firmly held onto her fingers.

"As long as our history and heritage are protected and maintained, it should not matter whom I choose as a spouse." He knew the proper protocol for humans. A senseless and age-old tradition but widely accepted, at least in the more western sections of Earth, but getting down to one knee did not appeal to his pride. Nor did he exactly know what to say in human terms. Instead he opted to be simple and concise. "I would like you."

"As your mate?"

Her confusion baffled him, since he had only ever truly know her and her body. What else did she think he meant? He would like her as a gardener? A slow nod was given to enhance the earnestness of his reply. "Naturally."

"And what about everything that has happened lately? Explain it all to me." Felicity looked at the ground to prevent her glossy eyes and possible tears from being in the direct field of Spock's vision.

"My actions were what I believe to be a side effect from the pon farr." His body was tense as he said the words. As uncomfortable it was to speak about his cycle, she deserved to know anything she wanted about him. "It caused me to feel sexual attraction toward Nyota that I do not feel regularly, and it was, I'm sure, one of the prime factors in my mood and loss of emotional control."

"So you want me to marry you?" she clarified.

"That would be the closest equivalent in your culture, yes."

Felicity looked directly at Spock. Her expression was one of adoration of love. She was silent for some time searching his features for something nameless then adopted a distant look while thinking of so many possibilities. After a full three minutes and sevens second, during which he did not press her for an answer, she responded with a firm, "No."

"Why?" Spock couldn't help but almost shout the question at her with the indignation of a child. There was a ringing in his ears, and he was near certain she had misunderstood the proposal. He waited for her explanation with a sickening sense of dread.

She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "I'm not staying stagnant on some new planet to be used as a producer of little pointy-eared babies. Maybe one day I'd like to have little, pointy-eared babies, but I will not let my most promising years pass by me without any effort to make change."

"Repopulation of a species is not enough change for you?" he asked in disbelief.

Felicity removed her feet from his legs and looked at him very seriously. "It's what you want, Spock. Not me. I want to be on a ship, and not one you told me to be on. I want to serve with people like me, who do things like me. What you want, and what I want are two completely different things. I haven't been any help in this whole altercation and am just wasting my time."

And he removed his hand from hers. "You feel like you are wasting your time with me?"

Cringing from the partially incorrect accusation, Felicity shook her head. "Not with you, with what you want. Staying on the Enterprise would be a big mistake for me, and leaving would be a big mistake for you, I think."

"How could you consider my rank as a commander be more useful and beneficial than reasserting my species and culture?"

"Because Starfleet is what you want. Vulcan is what you're told."

"We can't all be egocentric in our decisions." It was not an insult...per se, more of a statement depicting how he felt about the choice of a new Vulcan over a more intergalacticly active Starfleet.

Trying her best to not be brutal, Felicity did not back down from her stance on her life. "I don't live to please others, Spock."

"What do you expect me to do in a situation like this? I cannot abandon my people for a whimsical existence on a starship. Can you not take the time to properly think this through?" He was becoming almost frantic. He didn't know what could be said to change her mind, and he knew she wasn't simply impassioned with her calm demeanor.

"You do what you have to, but living with a whole colony of Vulcans, doing nothing significant..."

Her persistence to think she would be deemed useless was frustrating, so he tried another approach. "Your skills would be put to use in some way or another. There will need to be some form of security put in order on the colony. We can also be properly bonded and will not have to worry about the consideration of being separated again. Your family could always visit once things become settled."

"That is not my life. That is not what I want. Consider how much I've given you with so little in return."

"I love you, Felicity." The vice around his heart returned with a vengeance.

"I don't think it's enough." It was a timid response, and she felt awful for saying it, but he had hurt her so many times while they had been serving together.

Only twice in his life had Spock ever considered the option of crying. The first was only a couple days ago when his mother was murdered, and even more recently as Felicity rejected his declaration to be properly bonded. He wouldn't, of course, but she wreaked havoc on his emotions, and she was so easily aloof with their more intimate and significant moments. How often did she dismiss him simply because they weren't in concordance? Every argument of theirs always had the same tempo ending with him practically begging and she cool and detached. All Spock wanted was to get some sleep and contend with the remainder of their debate at a later time. Sensing nothing was going to change in the next few second, he lifted his nose higher in the air and said coolly "We'll talk more on the subject tomorrow."

Felicity held out her hands at yet another, odd dismissal. He never listened to what she wanted. "We're not done talking now."

"I am." Spock stood and turned from her wanting desperately for her to chase after him but knew she wouldn't. It was a selfish thought anyway, but he supposed he was feeling exceedingly selfish at the moment for wanting the only woman he care for in the universe to stay with him.


	27. Segmentation

Spock stood in the main shuttle hangar at the academy in San Francisco waiting for Felicity. He had much to discuss with her, topics that would change their future together.

He needed to think. He needed to realize what he wanted.

It was always easy for him to dismiss any averse feelings he felt during their courtship to not understanding humans as a whole, but after speaking with Nyota, and having her input about how unhappy he seemed, he couldn't help but think twice about the logic of their affair.

She was on his mind, constantly. This was more of a normal occurrence, for she lingered ever present even if not in the forefront of his thoughts. She was connected to him, and he to her, and that was exactly what he wanted...needed to discuss; them.

While he was waiting, impatience began to diffuse throughout his body, and he had little ability to suppress the lingering emotion. A cadet walked toward Spock. The young man was dressed in the typical Starfleet red uniform and far too merry. He began asking the Vulcan about the Xenolinguistics courses and who would be teaching them. Due to his irritation at this blissfully unaware cadet who had no real experience in the trauma and devastation life could cause, along with his impatience to speak with Felicity, Spock snapped at the young man, telling him to try and gain information through real work and research efforts rather than imposing on his time. As the young man hastened away, a glimmer of amusement was alight on the Vulcan's face.

If Felicity had been near him during the incident, she most likely would have reverted to her informative form of operating by reminded him about the fundamental attribution error, a significant aspect of social psychology in which the cadet he scared off would have attributed Spock's foul mood to dispositional factors rather than mitigating circumstances. At times, Felicity could be so well informed and logical about her life, but her humanity greatly flawed her judgment quite often.

She was proud, and not only was she proud, but she was also stubborn, narcissistic and self-absorbed.

He saw her walking toward him in the hangar and anxiety traveled to his central nervous system. Her solemn mood could be felt too, through their emotional link she had inadvertently created so many years ago, when their courtship was still fresh and without much complication. He remembered how fiercely she had clung to him for that first kiss; a moment of time lost in perfection.

The verdict was still uncertain. Spock was not at all sure he would be able to follow through with either of his two choices. But choices had to be made, and Spock was not one for shirking his duties, either to his work or his planet...his planet, which no longer existed. So many decisions required his attention, but as usual, she filled his thoughts. How could she not? His world had orbited around her for so long.

She was getting closer by the second.

The hangar smelled like shuttle fuel and burning metal. Numerous small crafts were being repaired after their endeavor with the Romulans.

The choices he made would greatly effect not only his life, but the life of the woman he loved; the woman he loved, and spent so much time observing and understanding. Without her his life would have little continuity...at least until...well, he would consider that at a later time. Why was it that love and logic conflicted more than anything in the universe?

To him, Felicity was weak, weaker than she would admit to herself or anyone else. Felicity was stubborn and would not yield to any decision he made without her approval beforehand. Felicity was gifted with such a deep desire to learn and was constantly enlightening him. But most of all, Felicity was not logical, at least not to the extent he needed her to be.

He loved her. He couldn't stop the silly mantra running through his thoughts. He loved her. Reaching a verdict in his overactive mind, he clasped his hands behind his back and walked to meet her.

******************************************************************

Felicity was reviewing every detail of her and Spock's relationship. An almost five year relationship with only a few hiccups, and realistically one very big hiccup, could possibly have been in vain. Fives years have the potential to be wasted because of a few incidents that went horribly wrong. She wished for someone that she could turn to and ask for guidance about what to do.

There was much consideration about possibilities in life. Going to a new Vulcan? That wasn't high on Felicity's list of things she wanted to do, much less for a long period of time.

She was an investigator, part of the security team, a red shirt, not a lawyer. Trying to argue both sides of the argument, the one to either stay with Spock or leave due to their many complications was difficult, because neither side of the argument was logical. It was drenched with emotion.

She stayed up late without any hope of coming to a conclusion. She could argue reasons for both sides, and she did.

To satisfy her obsessive compulsive needs, Felicity had to properly categorize her issues with Spock by tables and indentations. Unfortunately there was no PADD close, and all she had was a napkin from her lunch earlier. She began listing and wrote a word incorrectly, so she had to flip the napkin over and start again on the other side.

Positive:

Loves me-(I think)

Passionate-(when not in public)

Knows and understands me

Takes care of me

Negative:

Hurt me

Unyielding

Overbearing

Steals my glory

There were other negatives, but she really didn't want the negative list to be the longer one. Besides, the last reason was more than enough to make her reconsider their relationship entirely.

If Spock did not have the undying desire to rank first in all things, she might not have been disturbed, but her ideas were as good if not better than his. Hell, Kirk threw in a few fabulous notions while on board the Enterprise, but of course, being too noble and unyielding, Spock ignored every statement not in congruence with his own.

Spotting him standing exactly where he had said she would be able to find him, he looked pensive, staring at the floor. He was handsome, at every second, any time she watched him, and even now after everything they had been through, her heart pounded harder against her chest, and a strange lustful love settled around her. Imagining their many sexual encounters ignited a fire between her thighs that was quickly extinguished when the memory of their last encounter surfaced.

He had been the only one she trusted for so long. What would happen if she lost that; lost him? Would it almost be better for her? Would her life have meaning? Who would she turn to in times of trouble? She had to talk to him about their relationship. Everything they worked so hard to build with each other was quickly crumbling around them in only days.

His eyes. They were watching her, holding her captive, and her heart pounded when he began walking toward her as well. Though the longer list of negatives would deduce the more logical choice, she was not bound by logic alone. Love was enough for her, even if it ended up killing her. She made up her mind and stopped only a couple feet away from him.

Neither spoke for a long time, both taking the time to search the other for any signs of decision. After a silence longer than eternity, Spock was the first to speak.

"I've been waiting for you." He stopped, hesitating with his hands balling into fists behind his back. She could feel his anxiety through their connection. Finally he looked at her resolutely and asked, "What is it you wish to do with your life, Felicity?"

It wasn't exactly how she expected their reunion to begin. "What are you talking about?"

"You are in security investigations. That is what you excel in, and I do not understand how you can be wasting your time on Earth or on a ship that does not fit your needs." It took every ounce of his control to try and not show any hint of emotion for her to detect.

Her jaw literally dropped as he repeated her everlasting argument about life. Not once had he been in accordance with her on the topic, and she found it difficult to understand his purpose. "You can't think of any reason why I would want to be on the Enterprise?" She crossed her arms over her chest while letting him continue before flat out saying she wanted him.

"Not a legitimate one." When an utter look of disbelief crossed her features, he quickly added, "You have so much more potential than remaining stagnant for the rest of your life." He sounded just like Kat-tah.

Closing her eyes tight to prevent tears from leaking out, Felicity finally understood the point he was trying to make, and why. "You're breaking up with me."

"I don't know." he replied honestly.

"What do you mean, you don't know? Why else would you be saying all of this?" Her voice became shrill as panic began to weave it's way into her nervous system.

"Personally, I have never been put in this position, so it is difficult for me to comprehend the social context." He hesitated and wished she would speak up so the focus would be removed from his inexperience, but Felicity barely looked at him with a mildly distraught visage. Pressing on to evoke some other response, Spock added, "I want for you to be used at your full potential. It is what you want, and I want for you to be content."

Head snapping up to stare at him, her eyes narrowed, and her shoulders tensed. "You can't possibly want only the best for me when you've been so selfish with me our whole relationship. I'm a big girl, why don't you just tell me the fucking truth."

Spock silently watched her for a while, searching her features. After a few minutes, he bowed his head and said quietly but without malice, "Your stubborn personality, lack of acceptance for reality and disregard for the rules has worn on me."

A slap in the face would have been more appreciated, but she did ask for the truth. Perhaps he had been right when remarking about her inability to cope with reality. "Wow. Ok." It took her a moment to process the information, and she looked up at him with an afterthought that needed satisfying. "Why do you care if I don't follow the rules?"

"They are unimportant to humans typically in small amounts, but for Vulcans, we chose to live within regulation."

The pain from his rejection began to set in, and Felicity did what she always did best; lash out. "How foolish of me to think that I could be comparable to a Vulcan. I should have remembered that when you constantly begged me to stay with you over and over again when we were together, or how you initiated sex with me for the first time. You did, not me. God, I'm so fucking stupid for not realizing I was so beneath you."

He took a step toward her and narrowed his eyes, wishing desperately she would realize he was not what she wanted anyway. "That is not what I meant, and this is a perfect example of what I am trying to convey to you. You are far too impassioned of a person that I cannot conceive of how we would stay together. I still care for you deeply and want the best for you, but-"

"I get it." she cut him off, not wanting anything more than to leave right then and never speak to him again.

Spock sighed and closed his eyes in an attempt to clear his frustration. "And you never let me finish what I am saying."

Felicity also resorted to defacing everything he had to say. Making the other person in an argument sound like an idiot was always a great tactic. "I believe 'never' is a gross overstatement."

He felt stupid for making such a rash generalization, but had to concede to her insight. "You are correct."

"I know." She was acting over-arrogant, but she didn't care. Her whole world was crashing down. Expecting a completely different reunion, having Spock reject her was more than she could bear, and she wanted nothing more than to crawl in a safe, secluded place until he changed his mind and realized they were better together.

Spock decided to take a different approach and try to get Felicity to admit her own dislike of the mess considered their relationship. "How do you feel towards me?"

Not even bothering to look at him, her arms were crossed over her chest. "I want to punch you in the face right now."

A deep sign came from his strong chest. "Besides that. Do you not feel like you are wasting your time? Is that not what you said to me on the ship?" The questions were almost antagonistic, but he didn't care. Once she saw he was correct, then her heartbreak would be diminished, making him feel less like the villain.

Her voice was becoming progressively louder. "I was pissed off then." She couldn't figure in her mind how he had gone from wanting to marry her to breaking up with her in the time period of a day.

"But that can often lead to saying things that are true in your heart." he said pointedly. It was true. There were numerous articles on the subject he had read over the course of his life having such close interactions with emotional, human women.

"There is a little part of me that does feel that way. But..." Felicity searched for the words she wanted to say. Sometimes the simplest one were the best. "...but I want to be with you. I do love you."

Spock braced himself and squared his shoulders. She was unsure if this was to help keep his position with her proclaiming her love for him or if he was becoming more irritated. "You told me on the ship you didn't think my affections were enough, and now you have changed you mind? Your fickle character is difficult to handle, and already having withstood your rejection on multiple accounts, I find my stance quite reasonable."

An adorable snort was ejected from her lungs, though her was marred with sadness. "My rejection..." How could he not be fed up with everything she put him through? Granted, he caused her much anxiety with his interaction around Nyota, but she was not an easy person to handle either. And did she once ever thoroughly thank him? Maybe with sex but nothing else. Well, maybe a good few years of her life. Wasn't that thanks enough? She guessed not.

Pressing on, he hoped to properly convey his intentions and reasons. "You cannot come to a reasonable convergence between what you want and what we can be together, and your inconsistency between wishing to stay true to your plans in life and compromising to what I want is what created these countless arguments. I obviously do not please you, so do not feel obligated to stay with me."

The nervous energy flowing through her veins caused her to start impatiently tapping her foot. Rather than defending herself from his convictions, she chose another route for their discussion. She wasn't with the intention to make him feel guilty with the change, but wanted him to know the truth about her choices about him and about her life. "I was considering going to the new colony with you today. I was going to say 'yes'."

Closing his eyes, he could barely even breathe the word, "Why?" Words could not be taken back, but even if they could, things would not change. Things would not change, and that was the only small fraction of knowledge allowing him to maintain control when he realized there was...had been the possibility of him and Felicity together in a comfortable home raising small, pointy-eared children.

She looked at him as if he were crazy, and for all she knew, he was. His mood and outlook changed so drastically over such a short period of time; he had gone crazy. "Because I love you. Because I don't want to feel that all these years I spent with you have been a waste, but apparently it doesn't matter what I feel."

"This is a prime example of the point I am trying to make. We both try to control each other-"

"How?" The word was all but yelled at him.

Spock's hands were now in front, and he was wringing them ever so slightly. "Manipulation. When I disagree with you on a topic, you try to change my mind, and vice versa."

It was true to an extent, but wasn't that how all people, how all society acted and interacted? In the majority of her life, that was what Felicity observed, and she always modeled what she observed. Deciding to not acknowledge the degrading way she treated him, she asked the first question coming to mind. "And what if I choose to stay on the Enterprise?"

Considering the possibility for a moment, there was nothing about it which would make sense. "I can think of no adequate reason why you would."

Another true statement. Fuck his logic and all the knowledge in his overactive mind. Why the hell would she stay on some bullshit ship in no way accommodated her abilities? He made any possibility of her staying on the Enterprise threat null and void. Looking around, she noticed the multiple shuttle crafts begin repaired. There was actually a large amount of noise where they were talking, but everything had been silenced to her except his lovely voice. Her obsessive nature began to think about all the time they were together and started to doubt the quality of his affections.

With sad eyes, she turned her attention back to him. "Do you love me?"

His response was ease and confident. "I do."

A slight whimper escaped before she gained control over herself again and asked, "Then why ruin it with all this about me working to my potential and bickering about little problems every couple has?"

They didn't fit. Simple as that, but she wouldn't accept his answer, and so his emotional wall became weaker with the passing of every second. He tried to explain it again. "I cannot find reason enough to be on an investigative ship only to be together. Similarly, I can find no reason, save for myself which I personally do not believe to be sufficient, why you should stay on the Enterprise. Not to mention your aversion to remaining on the new Vulcan colony with me. I know what you can do, what you want, and I want your life to have meaning too."

"You give it meaning." she pleaded quietly.

"I have a duty to my people." he responded equally as quiet. Being Vulcan didn't mean he wasn't slowly hyperventilating from pain.

Anger flared. Most accounts of the people of Vulcan were in some negative connotation, but now that many of those people who criticized and ridiculed Spock were dead, he wanted to fully embrace the heritage. She loved him pathetically, and was forsaken. "And what about your duty to me?" Spock opened his mouth, but she shook her head quickly. "Don't worry about it. I have been disappointed by almost everyone close to me, so this is no surprise, really. I'm actually interested on why it took you so long to get tired of me like the rest." Felicity clenched her hands into fists to try and control herself and to keep from crying. Her voice cracked when she started speaking again. "I just wish that when I had come back, you could have helped me out and then left me alone, and you can't blame that one on me. You did it all, the mind meld, the joking about kissing, everything."

He looked to the floor and barely whispered, "I'm sorry."

She let out a mix between a laugh and a grunt. "No you're not."

"I truly am, Felicity. I never, ever had the desire to hurt you in any fashion, but we were not designed for one another. I would like to continue our endeavor, but it would only draw out our relationship longer, and I do not want to waste your time. I apologize for all I have wasted thus far." He began to subconsciously wipe his hands of the nothing in them; almost as if wiping them of her, but she didn't want to invest that much symbolism into something so trivial.

"Don't do this." Felicity pleaded, trying to not lose the one thing in her life that made her feel loved and captivated for so long.

He tried to think of something, anything to make it easier for her. The pain he felt was almost unbearable to be sure, but all he care about was how she felt at the moment. "Would hating me make it easier for you? I could act more appallingly."

"I don't want to hate you." she whimpered, almost coming to tears.

Another long moment passed between them; neither knowing what to say or unsure if they should just separate then and there. While she was understandable upset, the fact that she did not want to hate him or have any strong, negative feelings toward him made Spock's heart lighten infinitesimally. Though silly, he couldn't help but feel obligated to say, "Thank you."

Any word he uttered sounded like a dismissal, especially the last two, but she could leave his gorgeous face yet. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Was it? The deplorable and obnoxious logic could argue both ways, and he spent a considerable amount of time considering both sides. His mouth hung open for a long moment before he answered. "...Yes." It wasn't necessarily what he wanted. He didn't want to cause Felicity pain. He didn't want to leave her. He didn't want to be without her for the rest of his life. He didn't want to take a mate that wasn't her, but she and he did not belong. He could see if better than her, and they would make each other miserable for the rest of their lives. He searched her face again for signs of distress and outrage, but she was relatively calm. "You are able to handle this much better than any of our previous arguments."

"I'm probably not registering the full consequences of this argument. Sometime in the distant future, I'll be crying my eyes out." Felicity wiped her hand over her face.

Spock's chest constricted knowing full well she was telling him the truth. "Please do not."

"What do you expect me to do? Give you a high five and agree it was all fun times?" she asked incredulously and gave him a mirthless laugh.

No humor was found in her sorrowful attempt at a joke. Or it might not have even been a joke, but there was no amusement in his expression, or in his being at all. Thinking back to numerous years ago when she returned to him in an unfit state, he felt panic. He was separating himself from her, and if she needed someone again while in a similar state, who would she find? "I understand you will be under emotional duress, but please do not allow your emotions to impede your ability to work."

"I'm a little more grown up now." Her answer was terse and agitated. To know he was aware of all her weaknesses was something she didn't want to think about. It didn't seem fair, for both of them really to seemingly use each other until that use wore out. Tired of the fighting and anxiety, she tried to recall her shortcomings and decided to attempt with him some small talk. "So you're not going back to the Enterprise?"

"I don't believe so." Spock shook his head and shrugged. It was an appealing idea to stay, but there were more important complications.

"Jim would give you the position of first officer, I'm sure." she urged. As a captain, he was shit, but as a second in command, he would probably excel. Spock was always a great teacher and mentor, though he seemed so void of emotion to people. If only they could see the depth to which he felt like she did.

Her threat came back into his mind, and he asked, "Are you planning to stay on the Enterprise?"

Eyes rolled at the concept of staying on such a boring ship; boring for her specific needs. "No."

"Is there anything you could think of doing?"

"As is typical with my life, I am lost again." Moving away from her self-pity, Felicity began to replay the events of late in her head trying to pick apart each instance she and Spock shared to get a better understanding of his stance. "Is this all because I didn't agree with you when we were serving for those few days together?"

Her detachment allowed him to feel less of her own hardship and relaxed some of the constriction on his chest. "Not all of it, no. But think about our relationship from a mediating viewpoint. I believe when I first met you, you told me about your life and how you lived through reason, and that love was never enough to derail your plans. That statement clearly does not apply any longer."

"I underestimated love." she said with an earnest that made her so angry. She controlled everything about her own life until she met him. He turned her world upside down and was now walking away. She got it. She knew why, after he explained it so eloquently multiple times. It wasn't completely unexpected, but it was hard to not help falling apart. Felicity tried to shake the thoughts from her head and began thinking about things properly. "I guess I'll go get your things out of my apartment to give back to you."

Unintentionally, he took another step toward her making them even closer. They were standing closer at that very moment than any other time in public, because Spock always deemed the physical proximity to be too intimate for being out in the open. "You can do so at your own leisure."

She shook her head and gritted her teeth. "I need to do it right now. What do you plan on doing with Othello?"

"Taking him with me would prove to be a distraction. Would you like to take him?" Cocking his head to the side, he considered it to be a generous offer for her to have their non-love child.

But Spock giving up Othello so easily pissed her off so much more. "You're not taking him? That's fucking ridiculous."

He was already guilty about leaving the cat, but there would be little time for them to interact while he helped his people. "Would you like him or not, Felicity?"

"I don't want to be the one that has to explain to him why his father never comes to see him. That cat is your responsibility." Her answer was bark at him with venom and an almost childish response about their relationship to the feline.

There was little apprehension to her implied threatening. While on the new colony, many issues at hand would be more time consuming, and his time for little Othello could become nonexistent. Though the cat was his companion when he didn't have too many others, he needed to keep logic at the forefront of his thoughts, of everything he did to help guide him through the second most difficult time in his life. The most difficult was when his mother was killed. "If you do not take him, I will find him a new home."

Felicity seethed at the ease with which he detached himself. "I'll pick him up on my way then." She stuck her nose up at him marginally.

They stood once more with nothing to say. She was furious beyond belief at his cool, aloof demeanor and he was fighting with his own desires and programmed duties.

After a full three minutes and two seconds, he gained full control over his vocal skills and inquired, "Please tell me you can understand my argument this time."

"I can. I do, and I know very well all the issues I have personally, being stubborn and irrational at times, but I figured after putting so much effort into this that you wouldn't just simply walk away. What's your logic got to say about all those years spent on nothing?"

His head drooped away from his shoulders. "I have none."

Felicity rolled her eyes. "Right, and you're criticizing me about my choices."

Continuing to speak on the matter would be to no advantage. He need to part with her and allow himself the confines of solitude to properly and fully regret his actions of leaving her. "I would like to stay in touch with you."

It was scary to consider. Talking to Spock again, and so soon? Absolutely not. How could she? How could he expect her to? "No. Not right now, at least. I need to get over this horrible excuse for a break-up before we speak again on any friend-like terms."

"I hope it will not take too long." he suggested hopefully.

She answered not caring or hearing what he had to say. "Yep."

Perhaps it was because she had not been the first to initiate their separation that she felt so wronged, or was this how people always felt at the end of a relationship. Not an angry or abusive or useless one either, but one in which the two people still really loved each other. It felt like she was about to crumble into a pile on the floor, but she couldn't in front of him. She couldn't show weakness.

And that was exactly why. She couldn't be true to herself around him. He couldn't be true to himself around her. They wanted each other but as different people. She was a closed-up as him. Maybe if they had been able to communicate better, things might have been different.

"I'll miss you." Felicity sniffed.

This time, he actually took a step back. Not to try and leave, to try and gain control of himself or because he didn't want to deal with her pain, but because he was so horrible about what he was causing, increasing the physical distance almost helped. "And I, you."

She opened her mouth ready to say something then shut it again after much consideration.

"You can say whatever you like to me, Felicity. I would prefer you to be honest and properly discuss any issues you may have." he pressed. It wasn't often he needed to encourage her to speak her mind.

Thoughts became more cerebral as the behavior analyzing started to show through. "Why? If we're not going to try and work things out? What would be the point?"

"Because you have such difficulty expressing the truth to me."

For the countless time in their association, she fumed with anger and frustration. "Fine! I'm glad that I won't have a boyfriend anymore who can't handle my emotions or even his own. I'm glad that I don't have to babysit you and spend every waking second in your presence because you don't trust me. I'm glad that I can move on to a man who will be able to kiss me and touch me in public, and I'm glad that I don't have to deal with your convoluted, bullshit logic anymore."

His own dissatisfaction was sparked, and his lip twitched as he asked roughly, "How is my logic convoluted?"

Finally satisfied to get a reaction besides regret or apathy, Felicity folded her arms over her chest again with a sick feeling of triumph. "You twist it to prove whatever point you want to make."

"Give me an example." he commanded chillingly, his hands still gracefully behind his back.

She tried to think of any of the multiple instances he had done so, but in her passionate anger, she couldn't think of one. "I can't think of one right now, and I don't have to do anything you say. I'm not your girlfriend anymore so don't tell me what to do."

Spock could feel the twisted pain and perverse sense of justice in his own heart. He expected much of it came from Felicity, but he still decided to act upon it with a crude comment he would not normally make. "I apologize for not being what you wanted me to be."

"Oh whatever!" She threw her hands in the hair before rubbing her face with both. "I don't want to argue with you. You have been too much a part of my life for so many years, that I don't want to ruin all of that because we can't be together. I've known, in the back of my head this whole time, but I kept thinking it would work out. When we were on the Enterprise, I really realized that I cannot work with you either with all your God damned regulations. Seriously. No one cares that much."

"I care." It was the same tactic she used when he remarked about her always interrupting him. Broad generalizations were usually incorrect.

"But you're not captain now, are you?"

"I don't see how my rank matters when following regulations."

"Your superior doesn't like it. Considering insubordination, you're one to talk. Again, convoluted, double standard logic." She was proud of herself to be able to offer an example. Beautiful, brown eyes narrowed fractionally, and soft, pale lips pursed into a thin line. She desperately wanted to kiss the latter.

"As first officer, it is my duty to inform the captain of potential dangers-"

"I really don't care what you have to say." she said with a chuckle.

He wanted to be mad at the statement. He wanted to say something as hurtful back, but he was so deflated by the slice across his heart, nothing came to mind. "Felicity-"

She overtly cringed, not wanting any more painful remarks to spill from his lips. "Even the sound of your voice is annoying to me now."

"There is no need to be so vulgar and crass."

Shrugging, there was only an off-handed comment. "You told me to be honest."

"I believe I'm making the correct decision here."

Looking at him with all seriousness, she shook her head as if disgusted with herself. "You're right. You're absolutely right. I mean look at me! My best friends are a disgruntled, out of touch Vulcan, a cat, and some girl who tries to make out with you all the time! Branching out would be fantastic, and I really can't believe I've spent so much time depending on your acceptance and time and love."

"I always accepted you." The voice was back to being level and emotionless. This was probably not from a regain of control, Felicity considered. It was more likely from a desensitization to the horrible amount of agony she was causing him.

Regret filled her insides, but it didn't change anything. "Apparently not, because you're breaking up with me."

"You agree it's for the best though." he tried to plead. Somehow the blame was always pointed toward him, and he accepted it, for what reason he was unsure, but still there was the hope she would accept some of the responsibility for their parting.

She didn't. "But you still initiated it."

Vexation flared in him again. "And why am I typically in the wrong throughout most convocations. You will argue your point, when you know it's wrong, just to win. Why?"

"Because that's how I am."

Slowly shaking his head, Spock surveyed her through eyes becoming more and more filled with logic and calculations. "Interesting for you to be able to use such an excuse when I would never be permitted something so illogical."

"You're mister bullshit logic." Again, she tried to lash out but stopped herself from commenting further and making some even more ridiculous remark. "Sorry. I'm gonna go. I'll try and contact you...sometime."

He wanted to let her go; leave and not turn around to say anything more, but his own heart reached out hoping she would reciprocate his friendly feelings. It was almost rude to ask her to be his friend after all that happened, but imagining a world without Felicity Windsor was a frightening idea. "I would prefer you did once deciding what you are going to do, to be sure you are alright."

"If I'm up to it, I will." The thought of contacting Spock on a more professional tone asking about the weather and if his parents were in good health made her want to cut out his heart. Well, not exactly, but it did upset her in the deepest sense, since having an intimate relationship with him was always expected. Not wanting the image of them talking about things of little interest with their hands behind their backs and standing a socially acceptable distance apart, Felicity began to consider his own options of the future to take her mind away from her heartbreak. Who would he be with? It was too unreasonable, especially for such a distinguished individual, to be alone. "I suppose you can return to your Vulcan woman now, if she'll have you back."

"T'Pring died when Vulcan was destroyed." The Vulcan woman's death was a pity. Spock regretted it, but not because he would miss her. Someone surely would, but not him.

Guilt was the first and initial reaction Felicity had. "I didn't think about that."

"Think nothing of it."

Felicity smiled a small, cruel smile and asked, "What do you intend to do for your next Pon Farr then?"

"I will address that in due time. Everything will be alright." His beautiful, gorgeous face became more than she could bare looking at, and so she tried her best to be nonchalant about separating as soon as possible. "Well, I have some job hunting to do."

Bile rose in his mouth as he tried to utter the word, "Goodb-"

But she interrupted him...as usual. "I'm sure I'll see you again in my lifetime, Spock. I doubt this is goodbye, so don't say it." It was a lie to say the least. She would never want to revisit the pain of seeing him again, with another woman or not. She only said it because she didn't want their parting to be so solidified.

"Felicity..." There wasn't anything in any of the tongues of Earth that could properly express the regret he felt inside. He had no idea of what to say and considered himself to be horrible for causing her so much pain. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged with a lack of any better course of action. "It's not your fault. I cannot give you what you want."

"I know you are saying that to compromise the emotions you are feeling at hand."

"I'm the one who explains behaviors, not you." She would have been amused. There would have been a small smile touching her lips if the circumstances had been different, but she was slowly falling apart, and it was only a statement of fact rather than a teasing and loving remark.

"But you know full well the fault lies with neither of us. We are simply..." Spock tried to search for the right word while trying to make sense of the mess. "...incompatible."

"It's our failure to communicate." she said shaking her head with a large amount of chagrin. Another few long moments passed with neither speaking, when she finally decided to end the torture and try to segment the part of her life so closely associated to him from her future alone. "See you around." It was said with more bravado than was really felt, but sounded good and detached. What good would it do for him to see her break down in tears now anyway?

She wanted to kiss him, desperately. So desperately, but it wouldn't happen. She no longer had the rights to do so, or even touch him for that matter.

And so, she stepped away from him tentatively at first and saw the barely visible reflex for him to reach out, as if to try and stop her from going. They stood there together for the better half of two minutes simply staring into each other's eyes; neither had any answers to give.

Should he not feel relieved? His emotions would now be able to be cemented behind his imposing logic, and he would no longer have to worry about the well being of another, especially when more important matters were at hand with his species. Should it be this hard? He was separating himself from her. Nothing more. He would no longer communicate with her on a regular basis or engage in any sexual activity. It should have been no trouble for him at all. Rejecting Nyota and her wishes proved an infinitely easy task, and indeed, he was relieved to no longer have the pressing of her own issues weighing him down. The truth of the matter was that he, at that very moment, hated his logic more than anything in the universe and wanted nothing more than to take the few steps to her and embrace her in the fiercest hug possible and never let go.

His heart was shattering, and he was powerless to stop it. Again his logic served no solution for how he was to handle a situation. On the contrary, it was his logic that placed him in the horrid predicament of hurting the woman who invested so much time in him and his desires. How could he not be classified as an abominable Vulcan...being?

Looking into her eyes proved to be too difficult, and so he turned his head away and stared at a shuttle located deeper in the hangar. There wasn't much interest in the vehicle, but it did serve as a buffer from the pain to evident on his former female's face.

She could no longer stand there staring at him and his pathetic rejection. Once Spock averted his eyes, she recognized her cue to leave, and while her heart was being torn into tiny shreds scraping against her chest, she pressed on with dignity and her English stiff upper lip.

Felicity turned her back on her best friend and lover for the last time. She would never be able to speak to him again, and it was doubtful that they would ever see each other. Looking back on five years, unable to get them back, and thinking about all the words they exchanged between themselves, especially in the heat of an argument would be her prevention for contact. It tore her in half, but what's done was done, and for the first time in a long time, Felicity was a single woman again. And it felt terrible.

************************************************************

Spock watched the older version of himself keenly. There were so many similarities. The height, the long face and large nose, the soft eyes, even their stances mirrored each other. The one difference detected was his young voice was still a couple octaves higher and had not dropped to become the more resonant voice of the older man.

The thought process was different though too. The older Spock was trying to sway his young counterpart to make the decision to stay with human-driven prospect of Starfleet. Logic was lacking in the argument, and the uniform-garbed Vulcan was dumbfounded as he, himself promoted the use of emotions; a bane of his existence.

 _"Put aside logic. Do what feels right."_ The older man turned to leave but stopped short. "Who was she?"

"To whom are you referring?" the higher voice asked quietly confused.

The grey-haired Vulcan nodded to where Spock had been standing with Felicity during their last and heart wrenching conversation. "The woman you were recently speaking with."

It took some time to collect his thoughts. Her absence was sorely felt and almost caused a tangible pain in his chest and around his back. "Her name is Felicity." he finally said with a light sigh.

A familiar, pointed brow lifted from interest. "You are close with her?"

Pieces of Spock's green heart began to shatter even more into dust. "Not any longer."

Taking a few steps closer, the older Spock's curiosity bloomed from the odd turn in their conversation. "May I inquire as to the nature of your relationship with her?"

"I loved her." said the younger Vulcan clearly and bluntly.

Never once had the older man proclaimed or even considered his younger self to be able to proclaim such a blunt, emotional statement. The young man certainly had many different experiences to allow this sort of behavior. "And you let her go?"

"Our destinies were not intertwined." was the best excuse he could create. It wasn't an excuse necessarily; actually more close to the truth than he wanted to accept, but reliving the whole altercation and every reason why they didn't belong was not a desired course of action.

"If you feel that is the truth, then it is acceptable, but allow me to please request again, when making further decisions in your life to listen to your heart and not only your logic."

Tired of being told what to do and how to feel by almost all those he met, Spock was perturbed that "he" could not accept his own reasoning. "I would expect you to understand my reasoning."

"There are many things in my life I wish I could have changed; the constant ignorance of my emotions being one of them. If there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them."

Spock considered the man's words deeply. No other Vulcans ever urged him to embrace his emotions. But then again, his older, different dimension self couldn't really count. However, if that is what he would learn with age, it was difficult to contest. Thinking back on the few words they exchanged, their conversation didn't seem to connect. Why was the old man seemingly uninformed about his own past? A keen sense of realization dawned on him. "You did not know her."

"I never knew a Felicity." The younger man almost scoffed at the remark. The older Spock assumed it was because the boy was unable to understand how his own life was so very different from...well, his own life. Lifting an eyebrow at the adolescent, he said with consideration, "Apparently something else was changed by Nero's presence."

The younger man could not fathom how such a significant aspect of his life was absent from his life in another universe. He began to wonder if everything was different. "Did you know a Nyota Uhura?"

"I did." Memories began to flood the quick, older mind; memories he had not thought of in some time. Being an ambassador and concerning himself with so many other important affairs prevented him from digressing about his long-time companions.

This further sparked his curiosity. If there was no Felicity Windsor, then perhaps he and Nyota did, for all intensive purposes, work. "What was the status of your relationship with her?"

A gentle look graced the older Spock's face at the remembrance of Lt. Uhura. Sometimes he missed seeing all of his old friends and regretted his longevity. "Colleagues and friends."

Brows knit together almost into one, straight line. It was amazing how different lives could be just from the presence of one person and one altercation. Spock's jaw practically hung open as he asked, "Nothing more?"

The older man shook his head. "I married late in life."

The concept of a life without Felicity was still a hard concept to accept. "And you never had any association with a Felicity Windsor?"

"She was truly significant to you."

"Save for a few instances in which we did not agree, Felicity and I were together for the better half of five years."

"That is significant." The older Spock found it fascinating that he would never even consider a romantic attachment when he was younger and career-driven, but the same exact person indulged five years in a relationship which didn't last.

A forlorn look crossed over the young mans face, and his shoulders slumped ever so slightly. It had be a significant relationship, and he would certainly miss her with all his green heart. Spock nodded at his replica in agreement and said the only thing that came to mind to convey how deeply Felicity meant to him. "We had a cat together."

As his older self impishly gave him their Vulcan salute, Spock knew he was no longer going to resign his commission. Though logic had nothing to dictate for an instance of meeting an alternate self, he felt that staying with Starfleet would be the best decision. It was more an indulgence than almost anyone ever received, but to have his future urging his path a certain way, how could he not take heed? The specifics were uncertain, but he knew in his heart he had to stay on a ship and concentrate on his duty.

As Spock began to leave, he couldn't help but doubt his decision regarding Felicity. Going back and asking her for forgiveness would certainly earn him a slap in the face. Not that he didn't deserve one. No. He couldn't be tempted by the prospect of contacting her. She made it clear she wouldn't want to talk for some time, and trying to reattain a corroboration would be futile.

Their differences would always remain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had Spock break up with Felicity rather than it being the other way around, because it was to reverse how they both felt when the story was started. She chose a vocation logically, while he chose Starfleet because of an emotional urge. It shows how throughout he taught her to be more whimsical while she taught him to see things with intelligence rather than only logic. It's not what one would expect, but looking back, Felicity truly did teach him sagacity while he taught her how to love.
> 
> And so, she in the end would have chosen to stay with him for love, and he ended it because he understood the illogic of their relationship.


	28. Terminative

Felicity was greatly flawed. We all are though.

If it were not for her numerous inconsistencies and neurotic tendencies, Spock would still be hers, but she was flawed, and apparently those problems were so great, their shared affection and countless hours spent together were deserted for a more amiable mate. She was worthless and made a mess of everything attempted and a fool out of herself at every lingering chance.

At least that was how Felicity felt while walking aimlessly across campus. It was a pity how a woman so accomplished in many things, with a grand quality of career and extreme affluence reserved her abilities and overall disposition as nugatory.

There was still an apartment to return to, as well as a lovely, black cat who would be very eager to love her and pout about how long he had been left alone with Oona. Certainly her job would be waiting too. Not much crime could have happened over the past few days while the rest of Starfleet concerned itself with future Romulans and the relocation of homeless Vulcans...

Vulcans.

A thoroughly engulfing nostalgia washed over Felicity as she began to think back to the earlier days of her and Spock's relationship. Things were much more simple. She had Tracie, and Terry was there too always acting like a mediating and meddling housewife with his subtle indications about how security and science go so very well together.

Every atom in her molecular structure wanted to turn around and comfort him even without the hope of continuing a relationship, but those same bits and pieces wanted to scream for being rejected for one and so aloofly. The pain became even more sharp when she thought about the slight, lingering bruises on her arms and neck. Her chest tightened as the familiar strangling feeling of tears beginning to push their way past her pupils began. Felicity let out a shaky breath and wrapped her arms around her body while continuing her trek across the grounds to the security building.

She wasn't equipped with sunglasses. There was no need to have them while on the Enterprise, but for the sake of her pride, she greatly wished for them to hide the crumbling stoic appearance she was used to presenting. For the first time in her life, Felicity Windsor desperately wished no one would even remotely take notice at her.

Misfortune seemed to be the universe's only response to her quiet request. A loud voice in an other words fairly vacant courtyard caught her attention, and said person was looking her right in the eyes as she turned out of instinct to look.

"Just when I think my river of luck has run dry, I find you!" The dark-featured, handsome captain of the Mercury, Felicity's former boss and the reason her Starfleet career was never ruined watched her with his dark eyes until she stopped walking then made his way over. Felicity narrowed her eyes and tilted her head away so it would be less blatant how puffy they had become. As he stepped closer, the Betazoid's gait hitched marginally, and tension was evident on his face, as he could obviously feel the pain of the woman so close to him. The poor thing. Pain seemed to be the only emotion he felt around her. "How have you been dear?" He knew the answer, but he hoped for an answer explaining more of "why".

Felicity shrugged not too excited about much right then. "I've just returned from space. I was on the Enterprise for this latest...conflict, I guess."

The captain clasped his hands together excitedly. The exact opposite of his companion's demeanor. "Really? I thought you worked an Earth-stationed job?"

"I did, well I still do, but I was dragged onto the ship by my boy-" Felicity sighed deeply, "by a man I knew who was also the chief science officer."

Reviewing his knowledge of the ship's crew, he asked in an uncertain voice, "Commander Spock?"

"The very same."

Damien Tarr had matters to attend to, but he took time to silently regard his previous officer. He was smart enough to be able to piece instances together. Not to mention, his curiosity was always raging. "It is none of my business, and you by no means have to answer me, but were you two in a relationship? Were you dating?"

"We were more than dating, and we had been for a few years, but no more." she said with a nonchalant shrug in an attempt to feel as detached from the situation as her display.

"So is that what I'm feeling from you? Pain?" Captain Tarr asked with sympathy.

"More than likely." Felicity wished for nothing more than to slip away, but it would only result in an incredibly awkward and difficult-to-explain future encounter. Without anymore desire for pretense, she decided to get straight to the point. "What is it you stopped me for, sir, and why exactly is your luck running dry?"

Her change of the subject diverted her mind to concern itself with other matters lightening her mood considerable, at least what he felt. To her, she probably still felt terrible. He smiled with an exuberance that was hard to ignore. "I need a chief of security. Marovin was issued a transfer."

Immediately Felicity's curiosity was sparked. "Really?"

"And as I said, here you are when I think all options are lost."

Though he was beating around the bush about the topic, Felicity began to pick up on the subtle hints and asked with a squeaky, high voice, "Me? You want me to fill in?"

"Are you still on temporary disability, or have you resumed active duty status with that desk job of yours?" he asked with a mischievous glint in his black eyes."

"How on Earth did you mange that?"

"Haven't you learned by now? Captains make up their own rules."

"It seems so, but what is...how...what's, what's going on?" She recalled the behavior on the Enterprise of both Jim and Spock and how almost whimsical each reacted with the title.

"With the ship or Marovin? Or do you mean the mission? Starfleet is hoping to try and create an alliance with Bolaris IX again. Would you be interested?"

"Well of course I'd be interested! But what happened to Marovin? Is he well? Is everything alright with him?" Panic hindered the extreme excitement building inside her but only by a small fraction.

"The Mazarite is bothered by not one thing in the galaxy, but the ship he transferred to is working closer to his home planet. He still has the same job title but will be able to see his family more often. I heard he has a few wonderfully adorable nieces and nephews. Kat-tah will miss him to be sure though. Now the poor man won't have anyone to drink with occasionally."

The unusually perky captain was beginning to irritate Felicity with his pleasant banter, especially when there were other and more important matters at hand, like getting back onto the ship she loved and a job even better than before. "It all sounds wonderful, but could we get back to me possibly becoming the new chief of security for the Mercury? What do I have to do? Who do I need to talk to?"

"All you have to do is say 'yes' and go pack."

Euphoric excitement overshadowed the intense pain from only seconds before, and for a brief few moments, Felicity forgot there ever existed a Spock and was back on track to becoming a fabulous and successful investigator; her initial desire. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Of course yes! Where-how-when...what time are we leaving?"

Captain Tarr folded his hands together in a most relaxed state. We don't leave for two days, but I will need you on the ship as soon as you are able. There are new cadets who need to be properly trained with the ship's specialized equipment, and you will have to get used to the new position. How long do you think it will take?"

It was a new beginning. There were so many things she had to worry about though. Where would her furniture be stored, and how could she arrange for another officer to take over her desk job? "Well, I don't know. Is there someone readily available to replace me? Then there's all my things and my cat. Oh fuck. I don't think I can."

"The choice is yours. Small animals are allowed on ships. There is always a person more than willing to take the job you have right now, and as far as the rest of your life goes, it seems you need a change."

"But that seems to be what happens to me every few years."

"And yet now you're ending up where you originally started." He shrugged. It wasn't necessarily a helpful comment, but it did make her think going back would be right.

Reality set in even more, and there where matters and affairs to be set in order. "I have all my furniture and...crap to get rid of and store."

Watching her react to a great opportunity with panic upset him mildly. She was so young and vibrant, she didn't need to worry about trivial things like furniture. There was still so much adventure left before one must worry about bland responsibilities. "Again, it is your decision, but if I may suggest, in the few encounters we have had together, and from what I have been told and know about you, practically every decision you have made has been based on necessity, efficiency, efficacy and desire of quality. Do you want this job?"

"Yes." she answered almost flabbergasted he continuously asked.

Captain Tarr pointed his index finger at her prominently and said without a smile on his face, "Then do what you need to make it possible, even if it isn't the logical thing to do."

Logic. It filled Felicity's life whether she liked it or not, and surprisingly enough, even considering her more outlandish circumstances, she followed reason more often than not. And by God, she was tired of it. "Ok. I'll be on the ship in no more than four hours maximum."

"Sounds wonderful. See you soon."

She turned to leave in a tizzy of anxiety and wanderlust before a thought struck her; a very peculiar one indeed, and Felicity whipped back around and called out to the man who continued to change her life. "What would you have done if we hadn't run into each other? Usually I'm in my office, but it's such a coincidence I would be walking from this direction across campus."

"It wouldn't have mattered either way, but I did check your office first." He gave her a single wave before strolling away.

She could leave. There were no worries about having to constantly be reminded of her relationship with Spock by different buildings they worked in, lived in and dined in together. It was as if she could almost erase the past three years. She knew the concentrate of excitement was fleeting, but for the time, Felicity decided to enjoy the momentary release of misery.

Picking up the pace to Oona's office, daydreams began with Othello and her living comfortably on the Mercury. Her quarters would certainly be bigger than before, and her cat would probably like not being transported back and forth between apartments all the time.

Before long, she was in the communications building and found the door to the office of her favorite Tahitian. "Oona! Oona!" she proclaimed while dancing into the room.

The stout woman clapped her hands together upon the interruption. "Oh, I am so happy to see you safe."

About to answer with the most amazing news, Felicity opened her mouth only to notice the blatantly bare ears framed by curly, gray hair. Her jaw dropped, and she practically screamed at the woman. "Where are your EARRINGS?"

Oona vigorously nodded her head in turmoil. "I know, I know. Something told me I shouldn't wear them today. It didn't feel right."

Time seemed to stop around them, and all that was there were Felicity, Oona and the lack of earrings. Everything else was momentarily forgotten. "Wow..."

First back to reality was Oona who had become more used to the idea than her young counterpart. "Anyway, it's been chaos around here, and then I don't know if you and Spock are going to be okay or not. I have been a nervous wreck with this whole thing, and then Vulcan! What a horrible, horrible thing. Poor Spock must be devastated. Are his parents alright?"

Felicity took a small, unconscious step back as she dipped her head and quietly replied, "His mother was killed."

Oona covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh no..."

Nodding, the younger woman reminisced solemnly. "He was pretty shaken over the whole incident. It was almost as if he was dead inside."

"I could only imagine." The Tahitian allowed time for her friend to retreat into the past, but sad encounters weren't her strong suit, so after an appropriate amount of time, she tried changing the subject to a more enjoyable one. "Do you plan on going to Jim Kirk's promotion ceremony?"

Completely taken off-guard by the constant bombardment of outrageous events and crazed news, the young woman stuttered her response. "Wha-when is the ceremony?"

"In a few days, I suppose. There hasn't been a formal communication sent out, but probably within the week."

Felicity was glad to actually get to the point of her presence. "Then no, I won't. I have just spoken with the captain of the Mercury, and am accepted back to the ship as the chief of security!"

While utterly ecstatic about any progression her friend made, one piece of misplaced information did not get past her sagacious understanding of the world. "What about Spock?"

It had been inevitable, but even knowing full well she would have to explain the current circumstances, Felicity was no more comfortable doing so. "He is going to do whatever he decides to do, but I am not something he chose."

"You're kidding." It took time for the information to be digested. From knowing the man for so many years and how he pined over Felicity for months, it didn't make sense why he made such a decision. It didn't seem logical.

"Nope. Nope. I'm not."

Relaxing back into her chair, the older woman was ready for one long story. "How? What happened between you two?"

But Felicity was not ready to tell the tale just yet, and there was a job at hand. "I really don't want to talk about it, Oona, but I will absolutely stay in touch with you and tell you all about it later."

"Are you sure you don't need someone to talk with right now?" she asked pointedly.

"Absolutely. Plus I'm not exactly sure what happened and why. Once I sort it all out mentally, I'll send you a memo."

Folding her hands together as if in a meeting laced with propriety, the Tahitian woman fought to keep dry eyes as the time with one of her dearest friends was coming to an end. "Well then, is there anything else I can do for you sweetheart?"

Felicity placed her hands on the edge of Oona's desk and leaned forward. "Yes, I need to get Othello from you."

"You're taking Othello?"

"Spock would have gotten rid of him if I didn't."

Oona slapped the desk with a vengeance. "What the hell is going on in that boy's head?"

"Beats me." Felicity shrugged with a sneer.

"I can't leave my office, and he's in my apartment. Do you want to go and get him yourself."

"Going anywhere near the faculty building is not something I want to do right now." She knelt and rested her elbows against the desk; her anxiety high and tensions rising just as quickly.

"Then you'll have to wait until I can leave." Oona retorted reluctantly.

Sad eyes looked up at the older woman, noticing once again the unadorned ears. "And that's when?"

"At five."

Looking swiftly at a clock and seeing it was only 1300 hours, Felicity shook her head. "I'll have to risk it then. I'm on a tight schedule and need to get him as soon as possible. Oona, tell me, could you use any spare furniture and...things."

For the first time in their conversation, she looked at Felicity warily. "What do you mean? What kind of things?"

"Would you like all the stuff I leave at my apartment? I can only take so much and have no time to dole out the rest, so whatever is left over, you may have if you want it."

"But you have so much..." An uncommon, bereft look crossed over Oona's face.

"Whatever you don't want, throw out or give away, but it does me no good anymore. I'm sorry. I know

it's a bit of responsibility you didn't ask for. 'Get rid of my junk'."

"You are never an inconvenience, dear. I always want the best and the most happiness for you. Are you sure this is what you want?"

She began wringing her hands. "The job, yes. Being alone, not so much."

"Just come in and turn my world upside down." said Oona playfully.

Pointing erratically at the older woman, Felicity's look was aghast. "Your world! You're the one who didn't wear earrings today."

"I will accept your things and take good care of them and find them decent homes."

"It's mainly furniture, Oona. You don't have to find it all 'decent' homes." she

Ignoring her comment, the Tahitian woman gave Felicity the code for her quarters and bid her a lovely, if not teary farewell.

The security officer could not have run harder to the faculty building. With every stride she hope Spock would not be lingering around the outside or in hallways. An encounter like that would not be good.

Luckily there was no Spock in sight, and she skipped right in to Oona's apartment. After only a few seconds of stepping over the threshold, a black kitty came cantering out to greet the company. When he saw it was his mama rather than Oona, he scampered to her quickly and began to complain loudly about how long she had been gone and left him with the chatty Tahitian.

Wanting to get him and get out as soon as possible was hindered by Felicity needed to snuggle her cat for a few minutes. He was something Spock and her shared together, and her emotions were running ragged from being devastated to exalted to disappointed and back to devastated. She did not put Othello down as she scoured the rooms for his carrier and toys and did not even bother to put him in the bag for their journey back to her apartment.

Othello was marginally frightened by not being in the safety of his bag while outside, and he clutched to Felicity's chest as his little heart beat excessively fast. He wanted them to get home as soon as possible, so they could be safe once again.

Fortunately for him, his mother was in a hurry and trotted along the sidewalks and across the busy streets to get her effects in order.

Her paintings had to go, along with the various journals she kept for her poetry. Her personal PADD was stuffed in a bag along with only her favorite clothes. The rest she could live without, since most of her days would be spent in a uniform anyway. Her violin was packed, and she quickly snatched Piddles off her comforter. Anything left was meaningless and couldn't be bothered with.

Due to all the paintings, Felicity had to take a shuttle back to the campus and near the shuttle bay. It was quite a sight to see her juggle a multitude of paintings, a bag with a cat and two other bags stuffed to the brims. When she finally shuffled in, she checked her watched for the time. It had only been just under three hours. Making excellent time.

After disposing of her things in the storage compartments of the shuttle, except for Othello who was looking around scared, she climbed the stairs into the small craft taking her to another stage of her life once more.

The shuttle they were on had a few other crew members to wait on, so while waiting, Felicity pulled Othello out of his carrier and set the spooked cat on her lap for coddling. He didn't relax much and was very frustrated with his mother for making him come on this thing making a lot of loud and weird noises.

As more people boarded, she finally decided to put him safely under her seat. The poor cat's toes were all spread apart and claws were out desperately clinging to his mother. Felicity had to pull at every one of his toes to get him off her shirt and into the bag.

"MOW!" _MOM!_ Othello cried for her every few minutes as the shuttle departed and began it's ascension into space. She felt bad for putting him through so many new encounters in such a short period of time, but Spock hadn't allowed her any other reasonable option. Cooing his name would calm him for a while, until the ride became more smooth and he settled down.

It did not take long for the shuttles to arrive at their destination, and Felicity handed Othello and her other bags and paintings off to report to duty. They would be delivered to her quarters later.

Back in her red, security dress sooner than anticipated, Felicity walked through the relatively serene hallways. A soft but bright, red lipstick adorned her lips. It was another change to help her feel more confident. The mercury exuded a calm the Enterprise never saw with collected, cerebral officers and crew concerned with minute details and motives rather than saving the universe.

The boring, beige walls were never more inviting.

The majority of Felicity's first hours back on the ship were spent in the company of Damien Tarr who coached her about the duties required of a chief of security. At one point, he pointedly asked, donning a lighthearted expression, if she would be able to cope with whatever the job entailed. Confirming her maturation, he accepted the proclamation without hesitation.

After being lectured and tutored for the better part of five, long hours with the captain, Felicity was temporarily dismissed for dinner and trotted to the mess hall, hungry and in need of some relaxation.

Upon acquiring her tray of food, complete with a ham sandwich, an apple, a Caesar salad and strawberry ice cream, she spotted a familiar friend. The younger Vulcan twin was sitting by himself reading over a PADD and neglecting his own, poor, boring salad.

Scampering over with more enthusiasm than she actually felt, Felicity proudly announced, "I'm back!"

Without so much as a curious look, Ku-lak slowly looked up and casually remarked, "Longer for eight months?"

The smile immediately fell from her face. "You are not funny, Ku-lak."

"I was merely curious. We will be gone for much longer this time, so I hope you will be durable enough for a seven-year mission." His words were meant with the most amiable intentions as she sat on the other side of the table.

"Certainly. Think you can handle me for seven years?"

"You are my friend, Felicity, despite our imposing differences."

"Is Kat-tah here?" she asked conspiratorially.

Ku-lak looked around in mock interest. "Not in the mess hall as of yet, no, but he is stationed on the ship. We are not sent on different missions, away from each other, remember?"

"Ya, ya." Felicity waved him off and eagerly scoped out the mess hall for other people she would remember. Here overt mood was in part due to exhilaration but also partly false. It was a coping mechanism deeply rooted in her cerebellum. Pretending like nothing happened, like there was nothing to worry about or distress over, then she could pretend to function flawlessly.

As quickly as her mood inflated, Felicity began to feel severely depressed and stared at her half-eaten food with disdain. The destructive, obsessive nature led her to contemplate the parting argument from only a few hours prior. Should she have seen his decision coming? There were many occasions she took advantage of his caring nature, but was the failure more her fault than she accepted? He taught her how to love, even if she was still too selfish to do so properly.

While more melancholy than ever, a comfortable silence was draped over her and Ku-lak's personal table. The doctor continued his reading, and Felicity took the chance to examine his every feature. He was certainly not as long and lean as Spock. He was shorter too; certainly not as much as her but shorter for his species. The muscles in his body were much more defined though, and his strong arms stretched the fabric of his blue uniform.

Loathing the appreciation she had for another gorgeous Vulcan, she looked around the room for something else of interest. For all the good her current dinner was worth, she should have stayed with Captain Tarr until her training was finished and then asked one of the twins for something to help her fall asleep.

As her thoughts became more and more melancholy, an officer she'd never seen before caught her attention, and she hastily patted the table to gain Ku-lak's attention. "Check it out. Another Vulcan around. Maybe you should chat her up."

"I speak with her regularly." he said without looking back up at her.

Felicity was constantly amazed at how thick Vulcans could be, especially in regards to love and sex, all the good parts of life. "I mean go flirt with her."

Ku-lak looked at her with great confusion. "Why?"

Giving up, she shook her head. "I'm just teasing you. Who is she?"

"She is my mate, Z'lin."

It would certainly take some time getting used to their conversations again. They were always so strenuous. Ku-lak could just come up with anything to throw Felicity off her guard at any time during their talks. "What? Why is she here?" She wanted to also ask "how" is she here, but chose to remain more appropriate.

He reacted as if nothing were out of the ordinary. "She is a chemist; originally conducting research on various planets for similar molecular composition to inhabitable ones. After the destruction of Vulcan, I requested she accompany me for her own safety. Now she does research in specialized labs. Being that we are not on a research ship, none of our preexisting labs were properly outfitted with the necessary equipment."

She was surprised at how well accommodated the female Vulcan was on the ship. The situation still did not appear wholly reasonable. "Why not live with the other Vulcans? They're creating a new colony, aren't they?"

Ku-lak looked to Z'lin and observed her. "Yes. It is a possibility, but my brother would remain, and I do not wish to leave him alone."

"Oh, I think he can take care of himself."

Without showing a hint of emotion, her friend practically scoffed at her. "Certainly. He is a fully mature Vulcan, but I could assume he may occasionally become reclusive. I bring out his more sociable side."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Oh no." Ku-lak disagreed with all seriousness.

A much less mischievous yet still humorous, older Vulcan found his way to their table and sat next to his brother. "Welcome back, Commander Windsor." Kat-tah nodded to Felicity.

Looking beside him, Ku-lak regarded his twin with a certain degree of haughty disbelief. "I am your brother, and yet you do not bother to acknowledge me?"

A slight shrug was the only physical response from Kat-tah as he started to eat his own salad. "I see you everyday. You hold no interest for me any longer."

Ku-lak very quietly snorted to himself and returned to his food.

It was as if the past three years had never happened. There were a few changes though. Kat-tah was much nicer. Marovin was no longer with them, which broke Felicity's heart. She always had so much fun with him, and he was a great person to ask advice. No longer would she have that opportunity. There could also be the pain she felt from the recent heartbreak, but she was on the Mercury when Tracie died, so that was still the same, even if fleeting.

The initial excitement of her reinstated job gradually wore away, and the pain began to set in more readily. Felicity loved Spock. There was no doubt in her mind. She had, she did and she still would for some time.

No longer did she feel like eating, and pushed the tray away from her. Kat-tah looked up from the PADD lying next to his tray and asked curiously, "Do you wish for one of us to dispose of your food for you?"

Holding up her hands apologetically, she tried to explain her actions. "Oh. No. Sorry, I'm not hungry anymore and pushed it away not really thinking."

Ku-lak joined his brother in regarding Felicity. "Are you certain? It would be no trouble."

"Well, I didn't...fine." she surrendered.

Kat-tah was first to stand, gracefully took her tray and left to find a receptacle. While he was away, Ku-lak asked, "Do you need to return to duty?"

"I'm sorry. I know I must be exasperating you."

"No. I was simply curious." The doctor watched her carefully. "You're not acting yourself, Felicity."

"Yeh, not much."

"Are you feeling well?"

Pushing herself up from the seat, Felicity donned a fake smile and said with much more gusto than she felt, "Well enough, Ku-lak, thank you, but I do need to get back to business. Crime doesn't sleep, you know." Her stride took her swiftly through the mess hall.

But Ku-lak was not ready to be ignored just yet. "How can it sleep? It is an intangible theory given to name certain types of events."

"Always a pleasure talking with you." she called out loudly to him without hindering her gait.

Kat-tah walked back to the table looking at Felicity's back and turned to his brother. "Were you rude to her?"

Ku-lak shook his head innocently.

After the oddly stressful dinner, Felicity went back to the security deck where the captain was waiting. There wasn't much else he had to review with her, especially since the hour was getting late, and he wanted to get some sleep at a decent hour.

The last hour was mainly comprised of management skills. Her inherent good nature was not the best for commanding and high-ranking positions which required a person to be detached, unemotional and often harsh. Captain Tarr took extra time with her to make sure she would have the least amount of hassle from subordinates with the least amount of effort and tyranny.

The rest of what Felicity needed to know, she could read out of the security manuals he gave her, and with a genial 'good evening', the captain dismissed himself.

Once off-duty, Felicity scrambled to her new room. Cleaning was in order. It was in a disarray of chaos due to the hasty packing and people who had no idea of what to do with all her weird items. Also, she needed to snuggle her poor, lonely cat and calm down from a growing sense of panic and loneliness.

Even while at the busiest part of her day, Spock was always in her mind making it difficult to think. She barely noticed Othello sitting near the door waiting for her. The hair on his back was still prickled up, but he was much more mellow from the sedative and vaccinations required of all animals in space.

"Mow, waahhh?" _Mom, what are we doing here?_ His cry was so loud, Felicity immediately picked him up and tried to flatten the hair on his back. The little body was tense with anxiety like his mama, but once in her arms, he started to purr for comfort. Not sure where they were, he wanted to go back home.

His mother did explain to him why they were leaving. Most of the reasons didn't make sense to him, but one reason was that his father didn't want to be with them. He wondered if he had done something to upset his father so much. Othello loved and didn't want to be separated from his dad for long. Maybe he would change his mind and come to find them.

As the tension left the black cat, Felicity set him on the floor. Othello went and laid on his cat carrier refusing to move for the duration of the evening. He wanted to go home and see his dad. Eventually Felicity brought his litter box and food dish to where he was moping. She scratched the top of his head then gently massaged his pointy ear between her fingers. It was something Spock always did, and he let out a mix between a sigh and a gentle whine.

Rather than reading the security manuals required, the newly instated officer sat with her cat. The companionship was necessary for both as they shared the same nostalgic thoughts about Spock. Felicity would occasionally pet Othello's soft body absentmindedly, and when she zoned out and stopped the therapeutic messaging, he would bat at her hand with his paw impatiently. She would then be so tickled by how cute her kitten was, that she would smother him with lots of kisses.

This process was repeated four times when the bell to their quarters rang bring both back to a reality where other people existed and there was no Spock. Felicity stood and stretched to answer the door, but Othello stayed behind, not really caring who was on the other end. He also wished his food dish was only a few inches closer, so he wouldn't have to get up to eat.

On the other side of the automatic door was a familiar, if not blank face. It was not the Vulcan she expected to find at her quarters though. "Kat-tah. What are you doing here?" While not exactly welcoming, she was not used to him visiting her. Ku-lak used to visit on occasion when she was previously on the ship, but this was a new encounter. Though she did have to conceed, their interactions were not wholly compatible before the investigation of the Bolian ambassador's death.

"I brought you a welcoming return gift. May I be invited in to give it to you, or would you prefer for me to remain outside?" His eyes, while blank, were much less menacing than in the past. She knew it was an earnest question with no desire for animosity or sarcasm.

Silently berating herself for being so vacant-minded, she waived him in. "Yes. I'm so sorry. I'm still a bit out of sorts after today."

Kat-tah nodded and entered Felicity's quarters with a kennel in hand.

"What's that?"

He looked from the kennel, to her and back to the kennel again. "The gift."

Never more had she wanted to slap a hand to her face. "What is the item?"

"A felis catus. A cat." Setting the kennel on the carpeted floor of her room, Kat-tah knelt down to open the hinged door and free him, but the small cat was not keen on leaving his portable home. His fur was a light, rich grey with an immediate blue hue and prickled up on the lower part of his back. The eyes were wide and the most vivid shade of Jade.

"This is a Russian Blue. Where did you find one?"

The Vulcan knelt with her to examine the wary cat. "I found him on Earth. When I heard the news of how you would be returning, I decided to find you a companion in the event you would unable to bring Mr. Othello."

"Kat-tah this is excellent. He will be the perfect companion for Othello and will help take his mind off Earth. His coat is so lovely. Shy maybe, but hopefully I'll prove to be a worthy mother for him. Thank you so much." Felicity greatly wished to hug Kat-tah right then but was stopped by all she knew about Vulcan social conventions. Just once she wanted to act rashly and hug him without making him feel severely uncomfortable. "Well, since he is a Russian Blue, I guess my only option is to name him Gorbachev." she said matter-of-factly.

Narrowing his eyes, her friend looked at her sideways. "I don't see it as being your only option, but if you chose to do so, then very well."

"Sounding like a Vulcan never gets old for you, does it?"

The gray cat's demeanor was stiff and rigid, but he stood his ground in front of Felicity. Curiosity outweighed fear as he gave her a quick kiss on her extended finger.

Neither noticed Kat-tah's miniscule, uncomfortable shifting. They were too busy creating a bond dissimilar to that of a Vulcan nature but just as important and intimate. Kat-tah on the other hand wanted answers to the many lingering questions that starting jumping into his mind the millisecond he was informed of her return. There was one question at the forefront though. "Why are you here, Felicity?"

Sitting up straight yet remaining in a cross-legged position, she tore her eyes away from the new friend to look up at an old one. "I wanted my job back."

But he disagreed. "No. You wanted to leave. That much is evident. Your job on Earth made you happy, and you expressed no desire to return to the ship until most recently."

"I guess going back out into space on the Enterprise made me realize how much I miss it."

"Serving on the Mercury wasn't the most exciting or glamorous job to you previously." he pointed out, and quite accurately too.

Suspicion started to brew inside her. "Is there a reason you're so fervent to find the 'truth' about my actions?"

"I apologize, but...you can tell me the truth without worry of gossip."

"Is that your way of saying you're my shoulder to lean on?"

Staring at her blankly as a few seconds passed, he finally said, "I do not understand your analogy, but I assume you are capable to infer what I mean."

"No need to worry about gossip, but that doesn't include a disclaimer about you still being a noisy housewife. I left because I broke up with Spock. Well, the other way around actually." Her voice was harsh as she ended her sentence.

"What brought about his decision?" Felicity gave Kat-tah an incredulous look, and he added quickly, "If you do not mind my asking." as if his follow up would remedy any breached social lines.

"After going back and forth whether he wanted to continue a relationship with me, he decided we were incompatible and informed me I was too reckless."

They both were silent and deep in their own thoughts about her predicament. Finally Kat-tah broke the silence with an unpleasant undertone. "As my brother explained to you in the past, Mr. Spock is inexperienced."

"Inexperienced and uninformative." she said with a unprofessional snort.

"Uninformative?" His brows knit together; a huge emotional reaction in her books.

Felicity was beginning to remember what it felt like to have a good friend around and unconsciously acted more catty than usual. "About certain requirements of Vulcan biology."

Kat-tah considered her words reviewing all possibilities of what she was referring and only came to one conclusion. "He never told you?" Disbelief wove its way into his voice. Though completely against his cultural norm and being far too dignified to want to discuss anything having to do with sex, he couldn't help but feel a growing concern for Felicity. "Did the incident occur while you were together."

"Just before we left on the Enterprise. It was bit of a shock, I can tell you. I think I still have a few lingering bruises."

A number of emotions passed through Kat-tah's chest that he didn't expect. He was silent for some time mulling over her confession, not knowing what to say in response. "He is in no way justified for keeping that information from you."

"Regardless, he did. Doesn't really matter though now. We're separated, and I'm restarting my career."

He nodded. "I was curious whether you two forfeited your relationship."

"That's a good way to put it, and it was he who did so, not me, or 'us'." The sour taste of aversion became prominent in her mouth. It was the bitterness of bile and devastation.

"You have my condolences." said her companion looking back to the cat he brought into her quarters.

"And what am I to do with them?" Being around Vulcans so much was made very evident in the way Felicity spoke sometimes. This is such an instance.

Kat-tah was not sure if she was joking or serious asking, since her humor was so dry. "It was my understanding humans offered emotional empathy in times of need. For what productive reason, I am uncertain, but I wished to uphold social protocol."

"Thank you, but you don't need to since it's weird enough already." Felicity laughed ruefully.

There were so many more questions Kat-tah wanted to ask, many having to do with her safety and quality of well being, but he did not know what would be appropriate. Instead he knelt by quietly as Othello cautiously stalked away from his cat carrier and over to the dustier version of himself. Both cats met each other nose to nose in front of their mama and sniffed with apprehension. After becoming acquainted, Othello took two steps forward and rammed his head against Gorbachev's neck, to which the new kitty responded by licking his older brother's head.

********************************************************************

What an instance; to see one's self in a future state.

Spock sat in the shuttle bay for a long time after both Felicity and his older self left. The high pitched sounds of the tools cleaning the various shuttles hurt his acute hearing, but it all became a loud, droning noise as he emptied his mind to encounter a glimpse of anything the woman he still loved was feeling. Pain and heartbreak was all he sensed for an hour and thirteen minutes, then after, there was a passionate excitement, but after the disruption, the sorrow returned.

He had time. He had a lot of time before the Enterprise would be ready for duty again. After making the decision to stay with the ship, Spock considered informing the new captain of his desire to stay would be the most reasonable course of action, but the actual effort was not found appealing. He wanted to do nothing.

That much was certainly accomplished while sitting on a small bench inside the shuttle bay, but the noise was loud, and the coolant smells made his stomach churn, or maybe it wasn't the smell at all causing his unrest.

Either way, pushing himself into a standing position seemed like an endless struggle. After only God knows how long, his spine was finally in line enough for his body to properly engage in a walking progression. Packing was possible. He wondered if the effort was worth his time. Kirk could easily dismiss him, and then Spock would have to go back to his job teaching and occasionally walk past Felicity. The two would pretend not to see each other or even take different routes to avoid any confrontation. Then for the next few days their hearts would have to heal tiny holes of desperation and desire until the pain became numb again, and their lives could continue on without hope.

Oh. He was standing in front of his apartment door. How long had he been there? Stepping inside, the area felt empty and awful. Without Felicity, his life held little light, and none was shining on the boring residence.

The couch looked promising though; nice and cushy. The room wasn't loud, and there was no noxious odor, but yet his stomach still churned. Meditation was not even a viable possibility. His pain was so great, all that could be done was sit and detach from the world.

Not even little Othello was around to visit and cuddle him.

If it was this difficult for him being only half human, Spock wondered if breaking away from another hurt everyone else so fervently. How must Felicity be feeling right now?

And he was the cause. It was always him who made her upset. Everything was his fault; every wrong, every pain, physical or mental... Physical. No doubt the beautiful and supremely amazing woman would still have barely visible bruises lingering on her skin from the most recent and last copulation. Blame was the only condolence he could allow, and even if it wasn't necessarily all his fault or logical to even place blame solely on one person, he refused any alternative.

The same tremulous thoughts swirled around Spock's mind for hours as he sat. Breaking off their relationship was much easier in his head; beforehand he had been prepared. Even a sense of release was felt, but now emptiness took it's place.

After a decent amount of mourning and time for self-pity, feet were dragged into the bedroom where the few personal effects were kept. The lute was there along with a few random, and inefficient gifts from his mother and Felicity in previous years; a few birthday cards which were monetarily worthless which he could never part with, and the framed picture of Felicity, Terry and himself. It always caught his eye during times in his life when neither were present. How very ironic and cruel.

It quite understandably did not take long at all for him to pack the few items. During the process, a few squeaky mice were found in small furniture crevices. They held no value, so Spock threw them away, but wished he could make use of the other toys left over at his apartment. Finding Felicity to give them back would prove to be a horrible mission, and he knew better, even if every decent emotion screamed at him to see her. At least Othello had been taken to Oona in his carrier. Having to throw that away would have been a great waste.

Once ready to leave a planet which held no more promises for him, Spock considered what to do next. Going to bed and moping for the duration of his "shore leave" was the most desirable and promising, but the lack of productivity and appalling, slot-like action was not seen into fruition. He was still Vulcan and could not succumb so pathetically to his emotions. A deep sigh came from his hard chest, and he clasped his hands behind his back while walking out the bedroom in a long, slow stride; through the living room and out the apartment door.

It was no great quest. He wished to say his farewells to Oona now, so he could relax and meditate as much as he needed before going back to duty, and even if he wouldn't admit it out loud, Spock needed someone to talk with after the emotionally taxing morning.

It was 1302 hours. Surely the communications professor would still be in her office. If Spock were looking for any normal person able to follow a typical nine to five job, he would be certain of her location, but since it was Oona he was looking for, she could be anywhere. If she left a note saying she was in Tahiti, he wouldn't be surprised.

Fortunately she was right where he expected her to be. The door to her office was open and inviting. Stepping inside, he stood in front of the desk and waited for her to acknowledge him.

Looking up sensing a disturbance in her office, the sight of a very deflated Spock shocked her almost right out of her pants. "What are you doing here?"

"I came - Oona, where are your earrings?" Spock's eyebrows knit together in disbelief.

She couldn't understand why her earrings were such a big deal. The fact people even noticed them surprised her. "Ugh. I didn't want to wear any today."

"Are you feeling well?"

"Yes, but my life is one big whirlwind right now. Don't worry about it though. What brings you here."

Clasping his hands together behind his back, he steadied himself before speaking. "I came to say goodbye."

Oona's jaw dropped. So much was happening in one day. Too much. "What?"

"There was some spare time I had to myself on the ship, where I was laboring to make a decision to either remain in Starfleet or relocate with the other Vulcans."

"And you decided to be with your people?" She narrowed her eyes having already been visited by his other half earlier and was becoming upset with his odd choices.

"No. I'm staying with Starfleet but on the starship Enterprise."

Without any real mirth, Oona laughed to herself. "So I'll be alone then."

Spock tilted his head to the side lick a curious dog. "Not necessarily-"

"Felicity came by earlier to tell me she was accepted back to the Mercury. She was leaving today."

"Oh..." His heart sank. He didn't know why, but the news was slowly tearing away his facade of calm. Perhaps it was the quickness with which she bounced back to gaining some semblance of control in her life. Or perhaps it was that her certainly wouldn't see her anymore much less this day. Whatever the reason, he instantly wanted to be alone.

But Oona had other plans, and they were not of the gentle sort. "What were you thinking? She loved you so much, and you go and throw it all away because you had an argument?"

Spock's hands separated and balled into loose fists. "We were not compatible long term, Oona, and I did not come here to be lectured. I do not need your approval to make decisions in my life especially regarding my relationships, when in the past you have actually complicated matters between Felicity and myself."

Oona opened her mouth to retort but held her breath and slouched in her chair slightly. "You're right. I guess I'm just upset about the whole thing."

"You're upset?" he said without any attempt to hide his exasperation.

Immediately feeling guilty for her outburst, the small, Tahitian woman spoke softly to him. "I know. I am very sorry you two aren't together anymore. You were perfect for each other."

"One could hardly say we were compatible, but are separation remains difficult and strenuous."

"Don't you miss her?"

"Obviously." he said rather tersely. She knew very well he had emotions, so there was no reason to make him go and admit some of the pain he was feeling. The emotion of love was only harming him, and since there was a job to do, he could no longer indulge in such frivolous things.

"Dearest..." Oona searched his averted eyes while trying to think of how to possibly console a Vulcan. "The only comfort I can give is that it will hurt less in time."

"How much time?" Spock asked quietly.

"A long time. Months? Even years for some people. It all depends on you, sweetheart." Oona shrugged.

"Your answer hardly brings me any peace of mind." he replied sorrowfully.

"I know. I won't say to try and not think of her, because you will, or to look for other women, because you won't, or to look at the bright side, because to you, there is none."

"You have done well to concisely paraphrase my...mood," the word tasted bitter, since he hated admitting the affliction of emotions, "but you have not offered any solutions."

Reluctantly she could offer him so help. "For the way you feel, there is no solution."

Spock tried thinking of another way to rephrase he dilemma, but he knew there would still be no decision. At a loss for words regarding much of anything, he asked quietly, "Is Othello still with you?"

"Felicity came by earlier. I gave her the code for my apartment so she could get him."

It was silly, childish and quite possibly ridiculous, but he felt even more disheartened for not being able to have a proper goodbye with the cat. Indeed. It was an incredibly ridiculous thing for especially a Vulcan to feel, but to be fair, the animal was his months before Felicity and he were even reunited. He was alone again. "Well then, Oona, I suppose I am going to leave and finish my preparations for reboarding."

"Before you leave, I have something for you." Oona got up from her chair, waddled around the wooden desk and over to the bookshelf across the office. She took a small, dolphin statue carved from wood off one of the shelves and offered it to Spock. "I took this one with me when I left Tahiti. I felt it would always bring me happiness and good fortune, and hopefully it will do the same for you."

Now a very tired-looking Vulcan stood and slowly shook his head. "Thank you, Oona, but I do not want you to give me your things."

"Let me. I want to." Spock sighed and accepted the small dolphin. "Put it on your desk on the ship or something. Don't just put it in a drawer now! Promise me you won't."

He stared at her and unwillingly said, "I promise."

Making her way over to him, she stood on the tips of her small toes to reach his cheek for a kiss. Oona grabbed Spock's arms and appraised him like she would her own son and said, "I'll miss you, dear. Do not forget to contact me every once in a while."

"I will not, Oona. You are a good friend."

"Aww. I love you too, dear." and before Spock could argue with her interpretation of his words, she scooted him out of the dolphin-laden office. With now both of her dears gone, Oona sat back in her chair very melancholy and began to write a letter to her husband in Tahiti.

Spock walked slowly back to his quarters deep in thought and with the dolphin statue clutched tightly to his chest. No one could possibly understand him as well and as thoroughly as Felicity and Oona, and with that comprehension gone, he again felt like a foreigner. It took a long time for people to understand the emotional detachment of Vulcans, and having to start all over again on the Enterprise was not something he looked forward to. He thought about his decision over and over again all the way to what he would consider home for only a few more days.

In actuality it did not take long for the Enterprise to be retrofitted. Spock sat useless for only five days before it was ready again. During the time he spent in his apartment, he did not bother to contact Jim Kirk or any other officers. Apathy prevented him from doing so, and he hoped the plan to simply show up and request the job as first officer would be seen to fruition.

A separate shuttle took him to the space dock where the Enterprise was waiting for full boarding, since he was not considered one of the crew. Nervous from the uncertainty he went about his job proposal, Spock sat with the small bag of personal belongings and tried to calm himself with pleasant thoughts of the past.

He drifted back to a time when he, Felicity and Terrence were kayaking down one of the springs off campus. It was that night he first considered giving Felicity a kiss, especially after he saw her so scantily clad. They shared many personal conversations that day. It retrospect, it was a very enjoyable experience, even though he hated it at the time due to the water.

Kayaking reminded him of surfing, and how much better Felicity was at it then him. He remembered their competitive style and Oona off in the distance pleased just to be out in the water. There were so many things he did to try and get out of that one, even a mild attempt at seducing Felicity, but really he was glad they went in the end.

Any attempt to calm his nervousness was indeed rewarded with an apathetic sense of sorrow. Spock was even more miserable than before.

For the rest of the trip to space dock, he reviewed what he would say to Jim Kirk. He even created an escape speech in case of not being accepted, but to not accept a Vulcan for chief science officer and first mate would be a horrible decision completely lacking logic. But humans were not noted for their logic.

Though he didn't think it possible, he was even more depressed than before.

Before he knew it, the small shuttle docked, and he walked the gauntlet down the hallways to get to the Enterprise. Once there, left his items with security for them to be scanned before allowing him to take them properly into his quarters, if he were to have any. When he entered the bridge, all on board seemed either surprised or bored by his presence. Apparently some figured he would be back while others didn't think he'd return after the beating he gave the now captain.

Walking up to meet Kirk face to face, he recited the line practiced while on the shuttle, "As you have yet to select a first officer, respectfully I submit my candidacy." It was an arrogant way to ask for a job and didn't allow much room for a blatant "no".

The young captain's smile was warm as he accepted his new first officer, and Spock made his way to the science computer terminal. On the way, he couldn't help but notice the smug face of Nyota smiling at him. She was mocking the inconsistency of his decision, he knew. It was an issue to be dealt with later. He had to supervise the separation from space dock at the present.

His first day back was scheduled with very little to do. Check for any anomalies in the space around them, their route and their eventual destination. Perform random requests of the captain, and watch over the ship in general.

It felt incredibly unproductive to be back on the Enterprise with all his newly found comrades and not have any pressing matter to attract his full attention. This in turn allowed him more down time and more time to think. Besides becoming better acquainted with his new job as first officer of the newest flagship for Starfleet, there wasn't much on his mind other than Felicity. Every second was a constant struggle and internal argument whether or not he made the correct decision.

Not that it mattered any longer. Felicity would never accept him back, if he were to request it. Each minute ticked by as image after image of the woman passed through his thoughts. Her in the bikini. Her in lingerie. Her in one of her black dresses. Her in nothing at all. Her in one of his undershirts. For some unexplainable reason, the latter was his favorite. She always looked appealing in while lounging around in his clothes. Some of them still probably smelled like her. Spock made a mental note to wash all those clothes immediately. Maybe even throwing them away would be better.

As the clock moved at an achingly slow pace to the end of his shift, Spock made no indication he knew he was finished for the day. Remaining oblivious in his chair to the others on the bridge, it wasn't until Jim asked him why he was still there, that Spock said he wanted to complete a scan. It wasn't a lie. Really it wasn't. He did want to complete some scan of anything at all to prevent him from going back to his quarters and spending the rest of the day alone. Well, what could be considered "day" on a starship.

After the thirteen, unnecessary scan he began were completed, Spock finally had to surrender his station to another science officer. It was an Earth, Asian woman who couldn't even reach the height of his shoulders. She had shoulder-length black hair and smiled shyly at him while taking the previously occupied seat, but all he saw was a nameless figure in blue.

His body moved faster than his slow sight could comprehend, and the world around was like a slow blur of insignificant colors.

It wasn't fair. Was it not his decision to end his time with Felicity? Why should he feel so volatile? A fleeting fancy passed through his mind, and he considered requesting a drug from Dr. McCoy to allow him some relaxation, but it wouldn't help his problems long term, so he decided to forgo the whimsical idea.

It was hard to say how many people he passed in the halls or if he shared the turbolift with other crew members. He hoped no one asked him any questions, for they would have gone unanswered. The pain was not comparable to what was felt when his mother died, but Spock still did not understand how to cope.

Walking into his new quarters, the main aspect was peace. Clean and empty walls, a simply made bed, a standard desk with his work computer and completely lacking in any personal affects or items that held meaning. He would eventually add the few items he packed away, such as his lute and other Vulcan artifacts that were now more scarce than an honorable Romulan. There were also a handful of gifts his mother had given him throughout his few birthdays they celebrated together, or simply because she just loved him. He would certainly have to display those.

But then there was also the issue of the items which reminded him of Felicity. It took a long amount of time for debate whether or not to even keep them, and he knew an equal amount of time would be spent on deciding if they should be displayed with the rest of his precious things. Would their reminders easy and comfort or tie his heart into a knot? His answers would come with time. All that matter right at the moment he stepped into his quarters was the complete absence of any emotional instigation.

Empty would be more appropriate. Also kind of lonesome. He was alone, for the first time in many years. It was better this way. He and Felicity both were doing what they wanted. They wouldn't irritate each other anymore. Spock had to keep repeating the mantra over and over in his head hoping he may actually begin to believe the hallow words.

There was a noise in the distance. It was barely audible, and he wondered casually where it was coming from. The noise stopped after the briefest of moments, but began again. Shaking out of the surreal daze, Spock realized the noise was his doorbell. Spinning around quicker than he thought possible, he opened the door without even considering there would be someone waiting on the other side.

Unfortunately for his own pride and peace of mind, it was Nyota. She did not appear as snide as when he first boarded, but her presence was not something he welcomed.

Without any greeting, she stepped inside and watched Spock waiting for him to speak. When he didn't, Nyota started. "I'm surprised you decided to stay with us. Where is Commander Windsor?"

Silence was her response.

"I see. So was did my rejection make everything worth it, or now is everything in your world ruined?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"If you have anything else you wish to speak with me about, may it only involve our work or being thus related." he shot back at her.

"We can't just have a civilized conversation?"

Sticking his nose up even further than when she first entered, he politely stated, "Not with you apparently."

This wasn't how she wanted things to be between them, especially since they had to work together for the next five years, but she still felt the sting of his lack of desire for her. "I apologize for what I said, but now I suppose you feel how bad the pain of rejection is."

"It was I who ended our relationship." he corrected.

Nyota's brows furrowed together so closely, they looked as if they were sewn together. "What?"

"I believe my statement was quite clear." Clearing his throat, he clasped he hands behind his back. It was the stance of confidence and stability. Spock needed both. "What is the status of our current mission?"

"Head out to the Delta Quadrant. We're suppose to check on the status of several Starfleet colonies in the area. Nothing as exciting as we're used to."

He nodded his understanding and said nothing in response. There wasn't much else he wanted to say to her, and every second he was in her presence felt like a mockery of his recent decision. Though Vulcan, his confidence was waning, and he wanted time to himself, time to reflect and he patiently waited for her to leave.

His luck would not hold. Not being able to help herself she had to ask a burning question. "Do you have another girl in mind?"

Greatly wishing to mirror her stance and fold his arms across his chest as if having a temper tantrum, he forgot the whimsical thought and replayed an answer he had spoken so many times before. "I am not going to reiterate the lack of all desire to begin a relationship with you, Nyota."

She threw her hands into the air as if celebrating. "Then we're finally on the same page. I was actually interested in the new engineer. The question was merely a curiosity."

"Oh." It always was much easier for him to be defensive but accepting of Nyota's affection. Now that she was no longer interested, he felt a certain change of emotions difficult to describe. The closest comparison was when he and Felicity were in the bar with her friends those many years ago. His defensive stance toward her former lover was classified as jealousy, but in the context of his current situation, Spock found it odd he would feel such an illogical emotion.

He didn't want a relationship with Nyota to be sure, but why after her lengthy vendetta of aggressive strategies to ensnare him, when she finally allows him peace in search of another mate, was he now jealous? Emotions were a horrible imposition in life, and he tried his best to suppress and evacuate any trace of feeling from his mind.

Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself to be rude in order to get the relief of solitude he was beginning to desperately need. "If there is nothing else you wish to say, I would like to be left alone now."

"I just wanted to see how things were going."

"Of course." _And to gloat, he thought to himself._

"See you later then?" she asked with a smile tugging the sides of her mouth.

He on the other hand found no humor in their conversation and wanted her to leave as quickly as possible. "Most likely since we both work on the bridge."

"Alright, Spock. I'll talk to you later." Swiftly, she nodded to him and walked out of his room.

Disgruntled by the curious and annoying encounter with Nyota, Spock sat at his desk. It was the central focus in the otherwise empty room. For the 132nd time since boarding the Enterprise, he felt the heart-wrenching urge to contact Felicity. She specifically told him not to, but he constantly argued the necessity in his head without ever resulting in a sound conclusion. What if she was in trouble or hurt in some way? His communication could save her life. No. There bond was still present if not already fading a bit, so he would very well know if she were injured or overly stressed. Spock finally had to concede the desire was completely selfish in nature.

Even if he were to contact her, a visual communication was out of the question; she would never accept. The likelihood of receiving and answer to a written message was much greater. There then came the dilemma of what the message would contain. What would it say and ask? Would it be found endearing or bothersome?

In a decision greatly lacking logic, Spock made up his mind and turned on the screen to the computer at his disposal. With the message window open and waiting, he sat, fingers at the ready, yet no words could come. He had no idea of what to say.

While in his devoid state, an alter popped onto the screen informing Spock of an incoming message. For the briefest and most ignorant millisecond, he assumed it to be him mother; she was always one of the few people who contacted him on a regular basis. When realization set in, and it became apparent once again that they would never speak, his pain compounded.

The arousing message on the screen was little more than an automatic notification from Starfleet's medical records reminding the commander to receive an updated physical, due to the long duration since the previous one.

Irritated by the interruption, Spock grumbled at the computer screen, mumbling something about how Vulcans do not require annual physicals like humans. After thoroughly complaining under his breath, he continued his quest for communication with Felicity. Rather than thinking out the whole message before typing, he opted for a more counter-intuitive route by typing while the thoughts came into his mind.

_Dearest Felicity,_

No. That would appear too desperate. Not to say he wasn't desperate to have any communication with her, even if their parting had only been a few days earlier, but after reading an opening to a letter worded as such, she may neglect to continue reading.

_Commander Windsor,_

Hmm. Seemed too impersonal. Though they could hardly even be considered in a professional relationship, the words still were too heartless for him to keep, rude almost was how they sounded in his mind. Compared to the intimate ways he used to address her, this opening was almost insulting.

_Felicity,_

Simple. To the point and without any desirous or terse undertones. Finally, he felt like he was on the right track.

_Felicity,_

_I understand I am the person you would like to speak with least of all in the universe right now, but I cannot help thinking of you constantly..._

Too desperate again, but in all actuality, it was how he felt; desperate. How exactly wasd he supposed to compose a blaze massage to the first woman he ever loved? Considering this revelations, he decided to keep the previous statement.

_Felicity,_

_I understand I am the person you would like to speak with least of all in the universe right now, but I cannot help thinking of you constantly. I wish to know you are keeping well and if Othello is in good health. Please let me know you're in acceptable circumstances for my own peace of mind._

_Cmdr. Spock_

It was odd really, going from foolhardy to almost being stuffy, but it was the best he could do under the circumstances of having no experience in the matter of post-relationship contact, especially since there was no one there to guide him through the social protocols like how there used to be. He missed Felicity for more reasons than one.

Clicking "send" before deciding against sending the message, he shut the computer down for the evening. A loafing desire to sleep fell upon him like never before, and Spock moved towards his bed with plans to sulk until sleep allowed him to escape reality.

A black undershirt was left unknowingly on the floor from his apathetic unpacking earlier. As Spock walked near the small chest which held his uniforms and undershirt, he notice the black form out of the corner of his eyes and quickly maneuvered gracefully to not step on it. He hung his head with renewed sorrow from realizing the object was clothing rather than a small kitty waiting to play.

Shuffling the rest of the way to his bed, he climbed onto the cushioned mattress and fell into his pillows. He did not care at all how undignified he must appear.

****************************************************************************

Over the six months Othello and his mother moved onto the big ship, she had taken him so many new places. He went where all the humans ate their kibbles. He went where they play hard with their big toys and got very shiny...his mama called it sweat. On occasion he even went to visit the two Vulcan's homes. They were always very fun and nice to him; talking to him like the big boy he was. His mama smothered him too much. Men knew how to treat other men.

Othello especially liked Kat-tah, because only around him was his mom happy again. He also liked Kat-tah because the Vulcan was how he found his new friend Gorby. He wasn't able to pronounce Gorbachev.

He was contemplating this very thought while tucked into a small cat bed next to the couch. His brother was there too nestled together with their tails wrapped around each other. Gorby was giving him a bath

For the first few days, Gorbachev was apprehensive about his new living arrangements. The older cat and random woman who would smother him with kisses were very peculiar, and he didn't know how to react to them. Othello had to explain to Gorbachev that Felicity was their mother, and she took good care of them, finding them lots of fun toys and giving good snuggles.

After two weeks, the new Russian Blue started to sleep on the bed with them. Once another week passed, he decided to sleep near his mama's head like Othello. One month after Kat-tah gave Felicity the cat, Gorbachev would sleep in his mother's armpit and suck on her nightshirt in blissful contentment.

They were great companions, especially since their mother worked a lot. She wasn't able to be around for most of the day, and Othello would have been very lonely without Gorby.

Felicity on the other hand was making absolutely no progress with new friendships. Constantly being concerned about her job prevented her from wanting to get involved with the intimate and involved process of getting to know people and asking them questions about the kinds of music they like etc.

She also did not wish to create anymore emotional attachments. It seemed that every time she would meet a new and wonderful person, she never saw them again, they would get into a fight and not speak again or they died. The only contact she had with any fellow crew members were loitering around Ku-lak and Kat-tah after her shift, seeing Captain Tarr for lunch on occasion and commanding the younger officers under her.

For the most part, all of Felicity's security personnel acted very respectful and courteous. There were a few instances where she had to diffuse tensions and engage her superior rank for insubordination, but those times were very few. She didn't bother trying to make friends; being the boss didn't allow for weakness, and being friendly with officers she also had to order about did not seem compatible. Or so she thought.

One shift proved inordinately difficult as two rowdy and cocky enlisted boys fresh out of the academy refused to do a word she ordered. Without the usual eagerness to do one's duty and acquiesce commands, Felicity's decency broke down to a complaining and nagging rant making all the cadets under her frustrated. With a feeling of mutiny near by, she finally had to request the help of an older, male officer with well defined muscles.

Her aggravation hit new peaks as some of the other security officers remarked about how unruly she used to be with Marovin. Compounding her feelings of worthlessness as a commanding officer with being cut to the quick. She did not speak to anyone for the duration of her duty except for what was required. If one of the disobedient crew members asked her a question, she would answer them with a calm whisper successfully freaking them out. It was really an attempt at self control, but the side effect of consent was fantastic.

Days like this made her feel even worse about life than her normal loathing. Not only was she incapable of keeping a relationship alive, but she was also worthless in a supervising position.

Thoughts like these always led back to Spock. Still missing him, she never answered one of him numerous messages. Each new contact felt like a fresh stab in her chest, but as time went on the pain dulled to a numb ache. Without his memory being so fresh, she could think back to the more enjoyable times spent together. Slowly but surely, she was learning to let go.

She dragged her feet along the floor and over the threshold to her inviting and relaxing room. Paintings were now neatly situated on the walls, with some walls being almost covered. In the past months, she did nothing of the arts she loved. No painting, no violin, no poetry. Felicity was completely lacking any drive to create and express.

Exhaustion was one excuse. Her job was performed beautifully everyday, but she often overachieved leaving her all but useless for her jovial kittens waiting for her arrival.

And on cue, Othello came prancing out of the bedroom with Gorbachev taking his time in the rear. Picking up the snugly, black cat, Felicity walked to the couch and all but collapsed on the cushions. She desperately wanted sleep after having an awful day, but Kat-tah already made plans to meet with her after his shift which wouldn't end for another hour.

Taking a shower would only result in her fast asleep on the floor between the bathroom and her couch when he came to call on her, so instead she decided to change into a lovely, cotton shirt and pajama shorts. Both kitties were captured and taken to the couch while she waited on the man who was keeping her awake longer than she felt appropriate.

It didn't take long at all for Othello to relax on his mother's chest, but the more aloof Gorbachev struggled to run away and be left to his own devices. Unfortunately, his mother was much bigger and stronger than he and held him in a vice grip.

The small, gray cat struggled and struggled until he had no energy left to struggle any longer. Just when he thought all hope was lost, the door to his mama's room sounded, and he was immediately set free to his elation.

Felicity grumbled the whole few steps to the door and pressed the button on the wall allowing access to the Vulcan on the other side.

Kat-tah's brows fractionally furrowed when seeing her attire, and he greeted her dubiously. "Hello, Felicity."

Waving him in, she yawned, "Hey. Come on in."

He remained on the outside of the threshold instead and asked with a tilt of his head. "Are you preparing for sleep?"

"Eventually."

"Would you prefer me to leave?" he asked not yet stepping inside in the event he would be required to leave immediately.

Sagging against the door frame, she wished he would get inside already. "No. It's fine."

Finally agreeing to enter, Kat-tah followed her to the couple chairs she had in the area immediate to the door. Othello hopped off the couch, watched him with sleepy eyes, then walked to Felicity's bedroom, and Gorbachev was nowhere to be found. Sitting down across from her, he decided to start the conversation, since she was making little effort to do so. "How are you fairing with your new position?"

Slapping a hand to her face, she groaned. "Ugh. I think Marovin was so much better at it than me. I can be a real bitch, but for some reason, it's not when I need to be. Anytime one of my officers or crew members steps out of line, I can't help but be all, 'Now this is kinda how you should do it instead. It's no big deal, but just try and stay focused', when I should be more like, 'Get off your ass, quit making excuses, and shape up, or you're out of here'." She sighed, not only being horrible at social interaction, but being chief of security meant she had to deal with a lot of confrontation. "Kat-tah, you're good at being mean to people. How do you do it?"

Not bothering to acknowledge the backhanded compliment, he delicately folded his hands together. "Felicity, you're problem does not lie in being too agreeable. I've seen you become gruff or terse with your officers before, but what you need to work on is your tact. Saying what you want when you want may have worked in the past, but now your job requires an acceptable presentation."

"There's a lot of stress associated with this job. I gave Marovin less credit...and more trouble than he deserved. It's almost as if I'm in a constant state of anxiety."

Kat-tah responded with a non sequitur. "Would you like a drink?"

Felicity stared at him adjusting to the shift in their conversation. "I'm surprised you would offer such a suggestion."

"I have been witness to more than enough displays of humans professing to necessitate alcohol after difficult times. The physiological process of forcing the brain to relax through spirits is irrefutable."

"You're telling me." A sound came from her computer, the one situated on a small desk in her a corner of her living room. Another message was received. She had an idea of who it was from. There weren't many messages she received from people other than Oona and...well, even then, Oona hardly messaged her much comparison. "Ugh."

When she did not rise to check and, or respond to the alert, Kat-tah asked, "Do you need to check your messages?"

"No. It can wait."

"Are you certain? I do not mind waiting."

Sighing, she looked over to the lonely computer. Wishing she was one who could easily not care whether or not a message was read, her compulsive behavior urged her into a standing position. "Fine. I'll be one second."

Even with an understanding of the relativity of time, the Vulcan could not believe she would only require such a short amount of time. "I sincerely doubt it."

Othello walked back out into the living room while his mother was checking her messages and his brother was napping on their mom's bed. He spotted Kat-tah sitting contemplatively by himself in one of the comfiest chairs. In a sense, he looked a bit lonely. The small, black panther cantered back into his room to get something that makes everyone happy.

While still sitting at her computer but making no effort to write a return message, Felicity absentmindedly asked Kat-tah, "How do I get good?"

"Good at what?"

"Good at being a leader...and personable." she added with chagrin. Being most popular wasn't an honor she particularly cared about, but it was required for a good leader.

"Do what you do best; observe behavior. Then begin to interact and mimic the behaviors you witnessed. We could sit in the mess hall, and you could practice initiating conversations." He appeared genuinely pleased with his idea.

"Then I'll look like a goober." she dismissed without a second thought.

"You have a job to do. Go about it properly, and you will gain respect."

Stroking an imaginary beard, she looked off into the distance and began talking. Kat-tah wasn't sure if she was talking to herself or to him, but he listened anyway. "I could always use a combination of classical and operant conditioning to make them cater to my every need."

"And how would you plan to go about training them?" he asked curiously. She was such a unique character.

"Each time I give an order, I'll have the computer make a commonly heard sound and maybe give them, like a chocolate or something. I will reinforce their responses and each time a computer noise is heard, they will have a created, conditioned response from the condition stimulus. It'll be great!"

"How amusing. Leave it to you to impose subconscious submission in your officers."

"I've exhausted all other resources." She shrugged, and silence fell upon them again as she continued to look through any unread messages. They were all the same; from the same person, saying the same thing. They were making it impossible for her to forget him. Felicity sighed and rested her head in her hands to try and relax again.

While observing her disheartened reaction, Kat-tah felt a disturbance at his feet and looked down to see what all the commotion was about. He saw little Othello sitting at his toes waiting expectantly and an even smaller, blue puppy resting on the tops of his boots. Vulcan and feline shared glances with each other for a few moments before the cat picked up Piddles in his mouth, stood on his haunches and placed the puppy more prominently in Kat-tah's lap.

Felicity suddenly sprang from her seat at the computer and walked back over to her company she so rudely abandoned. Before she neared, Kat-tah quickly set Piddles down next to his chair. Othello pounced on the blue puppy and decided to have a cuddle on the floor.

Without wanting to have an anxiety attack at that particular moment, Felicity tried to start up any conversation that would engage Kat-tah and take her mind off other things. "Do you ever wonder where words come from? Take for instance the word 'hyperventilate'. Common dissection of the word is easy. Ventilate means to provide a space, which had recently been contaminated or sealed, with fresh air. Hyper means to be overexcited or overstimulated. So naturally one would come to the conclusion hyperventilate would loosely mean to excessively provide fresh air to a previously contaminated space, but no. I looked it up, and it means exactly how people use it; breathing abnormally fast and deeply. What the hell?"

"I consider human languages, primarily English, to be particularly senseless."

"At least it's easier to speak than Vulcan." she retorted with an exaggerated sneer.

"Your statement is simply a matter of opinion; it depends on the perspective. Vulcan is much easier for me to understand since it is my heritage. Though I must admit, my English is more elaborate than most human, communication officers who speak Vulcan. Perhaps you are correct, but there are still mitigating circumstances."

It was true, and even though her argument wasn't created to be outstanding, empirical data, she still didn't like being schooled. Her reply sounded a bit deflated. "I suppose you're right."

Shaking off the curious nature of her conversations, Kat-tah straightened himself and took a moment to compose his thoughts before speaking. "Felicity, there is a matter of great importance I need to discuss with you."

"I was under the impression you thought everything coming out of your mouth was important." she said playfully teasing him.

Without making any uncomfortable gestures or shifting in his chair, Kat-tah calmly said, "It is my desire to engage you in a personal relationship. Would you be interested?"

Silence.

Felicity wanted to ask him to repeat what he had said, but she heard it loud and clear. The real trouble was thinking of a response. Not only a response, but she had to think of the whole English language. "But...you were always mean to me. You never used to like me."

He nodded slowly once while keeping his eyes pinned on her. "I can understand how one would perceive my actions in the past as rude and uncouth, but I was merely observing and attempting to comprehend your individual disposition."

Her mouth began to run dry and words were even harder to form. "...wha?"

"You are certainly a polite, individualistic, loud, proper, unruly, stubborn, eclectic, disgruntled, productive person, and it took a great amount of time to comprehend how one person could embody so many traits. For instance, you are both contrary and obedient; a most fascinating mixture. I find every one of your facets to be fascinating."

Felicity ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't understand how this came about."

"My intentions were not clear when I gave you the brandy?" He asked the question so confidently as if she were being unreasonable and incomprehensible.

"I don't know your customs!" Her voice was high and sharp.

"Giving gifts is a very personal interaction between those who wish to engage in a more intimate relationship on Vulcan."

Her heart began to beat faster and faster. She could feel the onset of panic. "Well yes, I've had Spock explain that to me, and I know now, but I didn't get what you were doing at the time and disregarded it as a nice gesture."

"That possibility came to mind, but I concluded you chose to ignore the incident to pursue your relationship with Commander Spock. Though now you are single once more, and it seemed logical to ask your reconsideration, or consideration, actually." His face showed no trepidation or reluctance. Not even the most infinitesimal hint of anxiety. It frustrated her to no end.

"Logical..." Felicity was beginning to despise the word. "How would asking me to be your girlfriend be logical?"

Kat-tah sighed from how taxing the discussion became. He expected to explain some of his feelings to her, but he was having to spell out the whole ordeal. "Because I hold you in high regard and with a strong affection, along with the lack of a connection between you and another male. It seemed logical for me to act on my desires."

She lacked any coherent thoughts. The world seemed to dim and get cloudy with confusion as she looked around the room for some sort of answer. There was a minuscule possibility for her to form words, and it was not going to happen for some time.

"Also, due to your human aging patterns, finding an older Vulcan mate would be much more appropriate than a young, inexperienced one." he added with the first emotion she thought she detected. Haughtiness. 

After watching her go from shocked to panicked to confused, Kat-tah decided to speak again in an effort to remind her of his presence and gain an answer for his lingering question. "Do you have an answer for my proposal, or do you require a definite, or indefinite, amount of days to consider the matter?"

Gathering herself together to gain control over her entire body, speech included, Felicity squared her shoulders. "Well, the thing is...I'm not ready to start another relationship."

Kat-tah was quiet for a long time watching her with his bottomless, brown eyes. "I see."

An awfully uncomfortable silence fell upon them both, and it torn into Felicity who felt horrible for the rejection and lack of any tact, as usual.

Clearing his throat, Kat-tah inclined his head and politely said, "There is nothing else of importance I wish to discuss with you. Unless you have something that requires my immediate attention, I will be leaving. I need to return to sickbay."

Felicity winced at his words. Never had they felt so hallow. She shook her head and whispered, "I'm sorry." He held up his hand at her words to prevent any further sympathy and cordially exited her room with the utmost grace and gentility.

For the following week, Kat-tah busied himself with work, even neglecting his brother in the process. The impending possibility of attempting another alliance with Bolaris IX fueled his ability and desire to remain alone with his research. Any medical advances in Bolian health were always great and necessary, since their bodies were so volatile, the usual medications did nothing to help their ailments.

The Vulcan had his work cut out for him, and after just two days of experiments and continuous work without sleep, he concocted a rather simple vaccine to help treat Bolian thrush. Even their saliva was too acidic for the common treatments to work.

Rather than congratulating himself for his success, Kat-tah worked on testing other remedies. The notes he kept were impeccable, and his work was immaculate. Even the nurses feared entering his office and work areas to prevent any unwanted intrusions that could disturb his experiments.

Ku-lak however had no care for the overload of work and strode into his older brother's office one late afternoon due to not having seen him for five, full days. If he were to contaminate anything, Kat-tah could easily replicate any of his work. "I was beginning to wonder what you looked like, brother." the younger Vulcan said without pretense and sat in a chair in front of his brother's desk.

Kat-tah was on the other side of the room, looking in a microscope and without looking up, casually retorted, "Look in a mirror."

"It was a joke. It was supposed to be humorous. One of the nurses told me to recite it."

"You are certainly capable of following orders."

Being in on the secret, master plan to woo Felicity Windsor, as his brother's most trusted confidant, the younger Vulcan found the terse responses to be highly uncharacteristic and presumed they eluded to a negative, emotional interaction. His brother must have been incredibly perturbed. Tilting his head to the side, Ku-lak wished they could speak face to face, but Kat-tah remained stubbornly at his microscope. "I assume your convocation did not proceed as planned."

"She still harbors feelings for him." It took him great restraint to not sneer the word him.

"You are Vulcan." Ku-lak said easily.

Finally turning around after being fed up with his brother's bothersome comments, Kat-tah looked over his shoulder with eyes slightly narrowed. "Astute observation, brother."

Elated to have full attention on him, Ku-lak stood and began meandering around the room. "By my statement, I was referring to the common factor of your's and Commander Spock's heritages. You being Vulcan may have too many implied and reserved memories that she connects with him thereby decreasing your chances to gain her affections. Further more, I do not believe you allowed her a proper enough amount of mourning time. If your evaluation for timing had been more accurate, she may have been more inclined to accept your advances."

Kat-tah shook his head and looked ruefully at his microscope wishing sincerely that he could be left alone. "It is my belief, brother, that the medical profession was not your calling. Perhaps you should inquire about the job as ship's counselor and behavior analyst."

"It would be plausible. People like me."

As straight-faced as if commenting about the weather on some distant planet, Kat-tah quipped quickly, "People do not like you."

"They like me better than they like you." His voice was monotone and without emotion.

As was his sibling's. "I sincerely doubt it, brother."

"It's true. You're rude and cantankerous by their standards, so they like me better."

"Possibly so, but it is not my job to coddle all the officers and enlisted on this ship. I am here to make contributions to medicine and have accomplished much from merely two days of research. It's more than I can say for you, brother."

"I research." Ku-lak protested, his voice rising infinitesimally.

"Nothing of importance." Kat-tah interjected suddenly proud of his achievements.

"That is a completely subjective opinion." the younger argued.

Giving his brother full attention once again, the older upped the ante. "Then show me what you have completed recently."

"I do not wish to. You're being insulting."

"Or maybe you have nothing to show."

As the two, grown Vulcans bickered like silly housewives, a very sheepish Felicity came to stand in the doorway of Kat-tah's office. Her hands were clasped together and pressed tightly against her chest. "I'm not interrupting anything important, am I?"

Kat-tah immediately stood to attention and gave her his undivided attention, stepping away from his tools. "No."

Ku-lak on the other hand was offended by his brother's lack of interest in their conversation. He looked at Felicity pointedly and said, "Yes."

Turning to his younger brother, Kat-tah stared him down and repeated a strong, "No."

And Ku-lak continued with his stubborn, "Yes."

"No." They shared keen looks until Kat-tah pressed him father away. "Do you not have another occupation to apply for?"

It was really more of a joke, but Ku-lak dutifully stood and with an attitude as mellow as one could be, said, "I will be updating my resume." He strode right out without looking back and his nose a bit higher in the air than normal.

Watching the younger brother leave the room snootily, Felicity's uncertain demeanor vanished momentarily "What was that about?" she asked Kat-tah in confusion.

"It doesn't matter." Taking a step closer and clasping his hands behind his back, he started to ask, "What brings you to-"

But Felicity interrupted him in a very serious manner. "Don't stand like that."

"Sorry?" Her quick remark made him freeze in confusion.

"Don't stand with your hands behind your back." she said again.

Kat-tah unclasped his hands and brought them to his sides for a moment before deciding to folding them across his chest. Which also did not feel comfortable, so he tried other different positions, including resting his chin on his fist, before ending with his hands on his hips, like a Vulcan super hero.

Felicity was clueless as to whether or not he was intentionally jesting or if he really was uncomfortable with any other stance, but the demonstration was hilarious.

When he was as comfortable as he could be, he stared at her for some time before asking, "As I was saying, what brings you to my office so late?"

She shifted her weight from foot to foot. "I'd like to reconsider your offer."

No discernible emotion played out in his features that she could tell. Kat-tah remained as blank as ever, and stayed quiet for so long, Felicity began to think it was his way of rejecting her change of mind. Finally he spoke, and he did so with a certain wariness rather than elation, but what should she expect from a Vulcan. "May I inquire as to why you altered your decision?"

Rather than getting into her whole life of issues, she decided to be brief and honest. "There's something about you that...pisses me off so much, but every time I've been around you, I always smile, which I figured has to count for something."

"It certainly does. Are you certain you are ready for another relationship? I could allow you a more proper amount of grievance time."

"I think there's been enough grieving on my part." she said with a heavy sigh.

Kat-tah took the several steps necessary to be situated right in front of her. His eyes were apathetic as normal, but his demeanor was almost as dubious as her's. Wanting to clasp his hands behind his back, he fought the urge and remained standing, hands at his sides. "When do you wish to begin our courtship?"

"As soon as possible." Felicity wanted to smile but fought the urge. She felt like she was conducting a business transaction.

"Oh." He nodded casually.

Since their union started on an unorthodox turn of events, Kat-tah was not sure what protocol would be sufficient for the current interaction. It was Felicity though who made the first step toward him. She leaned against him and rested her head on his chest. She couldn't hear his heart though, her ear was in the wrong spot. A light, small smile appeared on her face while thinking of their silly differences.

Kat-tah actually relaxed at the point of contact, and his left hand gently grasped her shoulder while the other remained at his side.

Felicity was grateful the contact was not overwhelming. Tremulous feelings inside her still considered what she was doing an act of mutiny against Spock, but he was gone, and she wanted to be happy. Tilting her head up, she looked in the brown depths of his eyes.

"Do you wish to further our tactile interaction?" he asked with a lifted brow.

Hesitating, her eyes looked down with uncertainty. His question was very ambiguous, and she wasn't certain to exactly what or what extent he was referring. Looking back up, she replied quietly. "Possibly."

His other arm came up and wrapped lightly around her lower back. Felicity chuckled lightly in his chest. Silly her for ever thinking a Vulcan would take advantage of others' emotions. "More," she urged playfully.

He looked down at her warily. "How?" The word was spoken slowly.

Biting her lip to keep from laughing, she suddenly turned shy with her answer. "A kiss." Quickly averting her eyes from his, she snuggled harder into his chest mildly embarrassed. His calm confidence was so great, it threw her off her game. She was used to someone more...inexperienced.

Kat-tah hesitated. It was an act humans relied on greatly, but Vulcans had little use for such things. He would have to learn many new ways of interaction if he wanted to properly court Felicity to be certain, but he doubted there would be much he would find displeasing. Especially a kiss. Inefficient, yet the idea of it was terribly curious, and he had every intention to do as she requested.

Bending his head low, he found an unstoppable urge to close his eyes to gain a better understanding of the sensations and biological reactions.

His lips were cool and unsure, something she was not accustom to for some time, and his right hand reached out to her's running the middle and index fingers over her soft skin. She could feel his relief through the bond being created by their physical contact.

It was extraordinary! His pulse quickened, a rush of dopamine and endorphins were released into his bloodstream, and he felt a relaxing form of contentment. Kissing was certainly something he would like to do on a regular basis.

The hormones in her body which had not been satisfied for the past six months urged her further. They had been satisfied but not by another; not wholly. Asking Kat-tah to come to her room seemed like the most absurd thing in the world. A part of her still protested to stay celibate, and what if he declined? What if he thought she was too easy? She wondered how their relationship would be like after.

But she had to ask it, to take advantage of the opportunity. Pulling away gently, Felicity's voice was low when she spoke. "Would you like to come to my quarters for some coffee?"

He was confused by the rapid change of topic, and it took a few minutes of mental composure to answer. "I do not drink coffee."

Felicity almost melted in the spot and wished to offer him anything he wanted but couldn't find words or even sounds to convey her intentions.

Kat-tah of course knew to what she was referring. He's been around enough nurses and their gossip to know what "coffee" meant, but he wasn't sure if it was the most appropriate decision for them. The prospect was certainly alluring, but perhaps Felicity's hormones were the main cause for the request. He did not want to have a fickle relationship with her. Resting his forehead against her's, his baritone voice was gentle as he said, "Maybe we should wait. Only a few days ago you were stating your reluctance to begin another romantic courtship."

There was just something about a proper Vulcan gentleman trying to do the right thing that made her go crazy. She was practically clawing at his doctor's uniform. "Ugh! I don't want to wait."

"This decision is most likely being based on your hormones, Felicity. Tomorrow you may feel much less inclined to engage in..." She vigorously shook her head in response. Closing his eyes to not have her image distracting his logic and reason for such a delicate situation, Kat-tah thought deeply before asking, "Are there matters of great importance you will have to tend to tomorrow? Any investigations I have been unaware of?"

Thrown by his change of subject, Felicity snorted in a very unlady-like fashion. "No, why?"

The older Vulcan's face was calm with care and contentment as he answered. "Because you are going be kept awake for a considerable length of time."

***************************************************************************

Spock sent 32 messages to Felicity over the past six months. Most were generic and conveyed an emotionless tone, but there were a handful he knew still sounded frenzied; begging for a response. The most recent message was an insistent urging for acknowledgment to confirm she was safe and in good health. Naturally, he earned nothing in return.

He was confident she would contact him in due time; it was one of her conditions when they parted, but not having the opportunity to speak with her proved more difficult and unbearable to handle than expected.

He sighed deeply while alone in the turbolift taking him to engineering. There was work to do, but he couldn't help think of Felicity being in trouble or miserable. He most certainly would feel such strong emotions; hopefully. The bond may have been broken by their permanent separation. The idea of not even sharing a miniscule emotional tie with Felicity sent him into a calmly masked panic. Without the possibility of sharing emotions, severed the last connection he thought they still had. He was without communication or empathy.

He wanted to go back to his quarters and go to sleep.

Besides the necessary tasks for his job and even the less urgent but overachieving tasks, Spock sat in his quarters at his desk, in the small chair, on the edge of his bed wanting to take back the decision he made; knowing full well that once they returned to a typical relationship equilibrium, he would again feel the incompatibility. Or maybe he imagined they were not compatible. Maybe it was his own inconsistency that caused his decision. He groaned inwardly at the wild thoughts flying around his mind.

Making his way to engineering, Spock reviewed the requirements for the ship's propulsion through organic space. In no way was he an engineer, but being a master of physics allowed him knowledge of practically everything in the universe.

He passed by a few officers dressed in their deep red uniforms and considered chatting them up. While being back on the ship, he hardly made any new friends...he had not made any new friends. For the sake of numbers, Nyota was still considered his friend, there was Jim with whom he had a very interesting friendship considering their irrefutable differences on the previous mission, there was the doctor who he disagreed with at every occasion possible, and he even made decent acquaintances out of the pilot and tactical officers. The chief engineer was an uncertain factor in the equation of friendship for Spock. He spent far too much time in the ship's internal structure to ever have a lengthy and in depth conversation.

The lack of a cat was what he missed most, besides the obvious. Not having little Othello around to nuzzle Spock and cry for his food dish was a great loss. Aside from getting underfoot while the Vulcan was walking around and tripping him, and how loud he cried when he was displeased, he was the most enjoyable and amiable company. The animal did not require much and always loved him at the end of the day regardless of if his father came home late or not. During those times, he would pout a decent amount though.

Instead of speaking to any of the people working on the surrounding deck, Spock decided to possibly find another feline. Letting Felicity take Othello had been a mistake. He by all means would be a good companion for her, but thinking he wouldn't have time for a pet had been a large fallacy in judgment.

This thought led back to the prospect of any other fallacies in judgment he may have had then.

He noticed Nyota was there, still in her uniform, standing very close to the new chief engineer. It irritated him for some unknown reason. Any agitation he felt for Nyota couldn't be placed with the human emotions he was acquainted with. The closest he came was classifying it as a type of jealousy for her having a mate whereas he did not, but beyond that one possible explanation, he could not understand what his human side was trying to express.

While still not comfortable with blatant displays of emotion, or any displays really, Spock was much more inclined to stop and consider the emotions he felt rather than disregarding them as being bothersome. It was another change he had difficulty explaining, but he had a much better idea of why. Without the company of his mother, even simply by visual communication on his computer, he wanted to savor any aspect of her that remained, which included his own human heritage. Forsaking his feelings was almost seemed like an insult to her memory, and so he savored every miniscule emotion, even as small or painful they may be, in an attempt to be closer to his mother.

Stepping back into reality, he continued walking toward the red-garbed couple. Nyota was first to notice his arrival. The brilliant smile on her face fell, and she watched him with uncertainty. Montgomery on the other hand turned around and greeted the Vulcan warmly.

"Hello Commander. What brings you to engineering?" The Scotsman gestured to his domain of physics and machinery.

Without acknowledging Nyota, Spock delve right into his purpose. "I have come to accompany you for the routine inspection of the ship's propulsion. We have to check the thrusters along with the impact on the engines and engine capacity."

"Trust me, Commander, there is no need to worry. This whole ship is in perfect condition. I check all the components on a regular basis." There were many more important tasks Mr. Scott had at hand than reviewing the thrusters. He checked on the only two days ago.

"I am not worried, but it is my job to assist and observe this inspection." Protocol could not be swayed.

"As you wish, but it'll not be anything to write home about." Montgomery strode off to get his beloved tools.

"Nor can I any longer 'write home'." Spock called quietly after him. The feisty engineer was out of range to hear the comment, but Nyota remained, and her heart softened by how deflated he looked.

"How are you, Spock?" she asked, leaning against one of the large computers.

There was no desire in him to have a conversation with her at all, but curtsey require him to respond. "Acceptable."

Without any bother for pretense, she was open to her and Spock having a platonic relationship again. "We can still be friends, you know."

"You have stated so many times throughout knowing you, and yet we always encounter some instance where you profess to have lingering affections for me." His reluctance was merited considering the data he acquired over the previous experiments of interaction with her.

"Not any more. I tell you practically every time we see each other. Besides, we need to have a friendly relationship while working so closely for the next few years."

Friendly was hardly anything he wanted to be with the woman who created much turmoil in his previous relationship. "We need to have a professional relationship, but I suppose you are correct."

"Good. A couple girls and I are going to play cards in rec. room six later on. Do you want to join us?"

"Not particularly." he answered completely unenthused and lacking any desire to mask his disinterest.

Moving away from the terminal she had been leaning against, Nyota took four steps toward her former interest. "Come on, Spock. Have you done any socializing since you've been on this ship? You'll have to get over Felicity Windsor some day."

"Continuously harboring feelings for Ms. Windsor and conducting social interaction are two unrelated topics. While there may be a correlation, there is no reasoning you have to think it is the causation of my actions."

"So you still want to be with her then." It wasn't a question.

"I did not say that." he protested.

All men were the same. Easy to understand and easy to read between their not so subtle subtext. "It was pretty much implied."

Montgomery returned to the two with tools in hand longing to be working on his ship. Nyota was a pleasant girl, but she hindered the progress of his real romance for the Enterprise. "Ready, Commander." he said with a nod.

Before leaving with Montgomery, Spock barely stuck up his nose at Nyota and said, "It was not implied, nor is it any of your business." He turned around and walked away with his back ramrod straight. The confused engineer followed.

Behind them, Nyota smiled. It would certainly take some time, but she hope they would eventually be back to an acceptable social equilibrium. She did miss talking with him, but he needed time. Shaking her head, she left for the nearest turbolift, wanting to shower before playing cards.

Damned women! They always know too much. Even without a man outright saying something, they always know. Everything. His mother. Felicity. Oona. Nyota even knew far too much, and he was a Vulcan for crying out loud. Most people, especially his students complained about him being unreadable. Those students were either lying or horribly unintelligent and unperceptive, because the observed, general consensus was that he was an open book, easily accessible and simple to read.

If Spock were any less Vulcan, he would have grumbled the whole walk to the thrusters with Montgomery. He did, in his mind he grumbled, but he would have been much more vocal, even complaining and trying to win empathy from the engineer, but their walk was silent, and he seethed internally.

"What are you wantin' to inspect, Commander?" the Scotsman asked as they walked further into the ship.

"We have to examine both the primary and auxiliary thrusters. It is required we check all the mechanic of the primary thrusters gas-fusion reaction chamber. The quality of deuterium must be checked as well to confirm maximum efficiency. The microfusion chamber of the auxiliary thrusters must be reviewed as well."

"I make sure all parts of the ship are in prime condition nearly every day."

The engineer's reluctance was incomprehensible, and Spock found it difficult to understand why he could not simply acquiesce to protocol requirements. "Yes, but not in my presence."

Montgomery shoulders sagged Never would he allow the ship to be wanting for anything, and Starfleet's protocols only got in the way of his work for the day.

Spock worked with the chief engineer for the better part of three hours. Three hours and forty seven minutes to be exact. There was little banal chitchat between them as they worked, save for one conversation deep in the underbelly of the ship which was started surprisingly enough by the the Vulcan.

"Mr. Scott, may I inquire as to the nature of your relationship to Lieutenant Uhura?" He did not look at Montgomery as he posed the question either.

The sudden sound of something other than the low beeping of gauges and tools upon metal took the engineer off guard. "I suppose. What is it you're wantin' to know?"

The Vulcan decided to press his luck. "Are you engaged romantically?"

Smiling to himself, Montgomery teased the first officer instead of answering him. "Now, Mr. Spock. I never considered you to be an advocate for gossip."

"I am not. It was my understanding that being around a person for a great period of time required a social protocol to make small talk."

"But you got right to the point, didn't you, if you don't mind me pointing out."

"Yes." Spock agreed reluctantly. "Unfortunately I do believe you are correct."

"Ms. Uhura and I share some common interests and like spending time together, but I doubt it will lead to much. Why? Are you wanting to get together with her?"

"Mr. Scott, we are hardly gossiping housewives. Thank you for answering my question though." He nodded his gratitude for the information and went back to work.

Montgomery on the other hand wasn't finished with their conversation. "But no one is anywhere close to here, Commander. If no one is around to hear a grown man gossip, does he still do it?"

"People witnessing an event has nothing to do with the probability of the event occurring." Spock's logic remained at the forefront of his thoughts at all times.

"Would you still have this conversation with me if we were surrounded by other, young and eager engineers wanting to find out anything to talk about?"

Even without the keen ability to calculate equations within milliseconds, the engineer had a great sense of wisdom, Spock appreciated very much, even if it meant his previous statement was rendered mute. "I believe you are correct again, Mr. Scott. No, I do not wish to be her suitor, but it was a possibility at one time."

"Are you asking me to keep my distance from her?" the Scotsman asked out of curiosity rather than taking a defensive stance.

"Certainly not. I would rather you take her attention away from me."

"It's been my understanding you were with a woman before coming back on the ship. Did it not work out with her?"

Spock was silent for some time before answering. Certainly the news must be widespread over the ship if this engineer were to know. He was friends with the captain though, and the topic could have come up in conversation. Not that his circumstances were an appropriate thing for other people to speak about. He wondered how many people knew about his failed courtship with Felicity. "My position as first officer is much more important than continuing a romantic relationship. I need to focus on my career for some time before focusing on creating a family, even if it would be more appropriate for the rebuilding of my species."

"You have to do what is right for you, Mr. Spock.

"Yes. Yes, indeed." And with that, the two men continued their work silently and diligently.

Returning back to the civilization of the ship, Spock documented all the necessary notes for his progress in examining the ship's thrusters and fuel. Montgomery wiped the grime off his hands and gathered his tools to go on his way.

As the chief engineer started walking away, Spock called out to him. "Thank you for the conversation, Mr. Scott."

"My pleasure, Commander. My pleasure." The Scotsman pantomimed tipping a hat to his new comrade and strode off to take care of the rest of his ship.

Spock felt calm and relaxed after his synergy with Montgomery. The fact the man knew about more intimate details of his life was unnerving, but he was gracious enough to not delve for information. The curtsey was appreciated along with the gentle encouragement. Spock decided he greatly liked the chief engineer. He was much more bearable than the emotionally reckless doctor. Not being a nurse was a great relief. Having to be around McCoy on a regular basis besides instances on the bridge together would be very taxing.

About to step back onto the bridge, Spock almost, literally ran into the captain. Instead of walking around each other, Jim stopped his first officer. "How are you doing, Spock?"

"My work has been superior as always, Captain. I finished inspecting the thrusters with Mr. Scott, and I have found adequate time to practice my lute as well as observe the efforts of the few remaining Vulcans to rebuild our society."

"You know what I mean! Are you alright without Felicity? You don't talk about her at all. I mean, not once while you've been back on this ship."

Even after feeling much more calm about his life, Spock became riled up again by the antagonizing questions about Felicity and his lingering attachment to her. He remained overtly placid though. "Am I supposed to?"

"Not necessarily, but I wanted to make sure you're coping alright, since you don't really have anyone to talk to about it."

"Captain, I do not require anyone to listen to my complaints or to confide in. I am not human, remember?"

"How could I ever forget?" Jim groaned at his reluctance to acknowledge any human emotion.

"If there is nothing else you wish to speak with me about, I was intending to return to my duties."

"Actually there is." Jim folded his arms across his chest and gave Spock his best patronizing look. "Starfleet has informed me to command you to sickbay for your annual physical." A small, mischievous smile appeared along his face as well. "Apparently you have ignored the previous seven reminders."

"Captain, I hardly think it is necessary for me to-"

"Those are the rules, Spock. I don't make them. Now go." and he shooed the distinguished Vulcan away like a simple child.

Spock never bothered to enter sickbay. Any issues were quickly resolved by the ship's chief medical officer, who, for the most part, was usually loitering around Jim or on the bridge. When the doctor was in the medical wing, he was busy as hell.

He mused to himself, this was how Mr. Scott must have felt, knowing full well the ship was in prime condition but having to follow orders. How peculiarly similar their days had been.

Walking into sickbay, he found an assortment of medical personnel walking around busily. Not sure where exactly to go, he remained near the doorway until someone noticed him.

And naturally the one who always knew everything going on in his domain sensed a disturbance in the medical wing. Leonard was first to spot Spock standing reluctantly by quietly, even when he was originally in another room. "Well, well. About time you finally decided to listen to all those reminders from headquarters. I was beginning to wonder if I'd have to come find you in your quarters one evening."

"There is no need to threat me, doctor. I am here and wish to return to the bridge as soon as possible."

"Fine with me, but I'm currently busy at the moment. I'll have to get someone else to do your physical. Come sit on this table over here."

"Actually I would much rather prefer you-"

"You're not the only one who has things to do, Spock. No need to be nervous."

Spock quite heatedly wanted to argue that he was not nervous and should require the doctor's assistance as first officer, but Leonard was too quick and walked right away as the words left his mouth.

Sitting on the cushioned table made him feel like an infant waiting for vaccines. The undignified image of him crying from a shot and wanting a sucker in the aftermath made him even more disgruntled. His day started out very promising. He missed Felicity as usual, but then had a calming talk with Mr. Scott and worked with hands-on equipment rather than the typical equations. It all started to founder when he met with the captain, to his misfortune.

A woman in blue walked up to him with a medical tricorder in hand. He presumed she was one of the nurses due to her medical badge and apparent knowledge of the medical instruments. "Hello. How are you?" she asked in a genial voice.

"Well. I am here to have my annual physical."

The nurse looked the Vulcan up and down truly appreciating the fabulous physique. Who wouldn't? Spock was considered handsome even to human woman who appreciated a more expressive male, but it was his eyes that took her off guard. They were deep and meaningful; full of soul. She smiled at him and in a playful tone said, "That's what Dr. McCoy said. I see it's been well over a year since you had your last one. Is there a reason you've waited so long?"

"It is unnecessary." he answered flatly.

"Oh. I see. One of those types." She couldn't help but try and instigate the stoic Vulcan patient.

Though he wanted to finish the business and leave immediately, his own detestable curiosity imposed. "What types?"

"The types who think you shouldn't bother to be checked, since you don't feel anything wrong with you. I bet you try to stay away from sickbay even if your feeling unwell."

"If I am afflicted with a condition requiring medical attention, it would not be logical for me to neglect medical assistance." Spock disagreed.

His forlorn attitude prevented her from making anymore quick remarks, and she decided to do her job without interrupting his day further, even though she wouldn't mind if he stayed for a while. "Alright. Could you stand for me, please?" He stood, and the woman began to scan the core part of his body, spending a significant amount of time around his chest and lower abdomen; where his vital organs were located.

During this, he had time to appraise the small woman in front of him without her watchful eye. She was blonde and thin. Her eyes sparkled with pleasantness as she concentrated on the tricorder in her delicate hands. Her nails were manicured nicely and without any applied color. He supposed it was practical for any potential surgeries. Spock then wondered to himself how many women's hands he noticed during encounters. Why was he concerned with her nails? When he started the first conversation with Felicity, his topic had been her fingernail color. Was there possibly any correlation?

Before he could consider the matter further, she interrupted his thoughts. "You appear to be in top, physical condition." The smile on her face glittered.

"I am aware." he answered tersely, still upset he was forced to be subject to something so inefficient.

After entering the information into the ship's medical database, the young nurse couldn't help but tease him a bit more before he left. "You're all set then. I'll see you back here in one year. Don't put it off next time."

Her only response was one terse nod as the Vulcan man began to leave. It was a pity, really.

Wanting to return to his duties was momentarily forgotten as Spock thought about the woman he just encountered. Her disposition was interesting, yet certainly not unique. He wondered why she intrigued him so. Instead of leaving, like he should, he turned spoke to her before she walked far enough away to discourage his actions. "What is your name?"

The woman smiled up at him again, still loving the dark brown depths of his expressive eyes. She's never seen something so intriguing and lovely. Her heart fluttered quickly as she answered, "Christine Chapel."


	29. Epilogue

_Commander Spock,_

_While not being fully acquainted with you to consider our status one of a friendly nature, I decided to inform you of certain events of late on the Mercury. My own brother has engaged Felicity Windsor in a romantic relationship, and for all intent and purposes will treat her with the utmost respect and care. Even though your status as Felicity's mate ended some time ago, I give you my condolences. She is a good friend, and I do not care to see her suffer from heartbreak, but I could only imagine you to embody the same deflated characteristics, at least if you had any sort of decency._

_Now that my brother will have someone to watch over him, I have decided to leave with my wife to the new, Vulcan colony. I'm not sure if Felicity knows you chose to remain in Starfleet or not, but I did not consider it my place to inform her. If you choose to ever resign from Starfleet and join the colony, I would gladly assist you in any fashion. Though upset, Felicity rebuked any claim by a passerby about your lack of quality, and if she considers you one of the best types of men, then I offer my friendship._

_As for Felicity herself, I'm sure you are curious about her well-being; since you have not received a response from your over thirty messages. She is fitting in well, and is very pleased with her position in life. My brother keeps her company, and they are pleasant to interact with together. I would not recommend contacting her anymore though. I do not say this with any agenda, but she wishes to move to the next part of her life and does not regret any time spent with you – at least through any interpretation I have gain from her recollections._

_I hope you are in good health, and I do not expect a reply, but I do hope you will consider my words and find some consolation with the knowledge that Felicity is happy again._

_Live long and prosper._

_Doctor Ku-lak, Son of Kuvar_


End file.
